1st OP: *explains in detail why he doesn't want BIL at the wedding* Fiance: "You're over reacting!" OP: *shows post explaining the exact same thing and randos opinions* Fiance: *HYPERVENTILATING*
She thought he'd just keep taking the abuse like a doormat and still get married to her. Suddenly, when there's the potential of consequences for her, she cares
The op is a fraud , he knew already. He just want the money and the brodda cut off from inheritance. Money talks , there are a lot of problems in his relationship but he only specifies this.
Yikes. OP1’s bully is a psychopath. He’s obsessed with harassing OP and never changed, just got worse. The fiancée and her family are idiots for even trying to defend that bully in the first place. OP should just dump her and find someone who isn’t a moron.
@@ChrissaTodd no back seat counseling, they defended a bigoted racist, so as LunaP1 said I'll parrot, he should cut his losses and find someone who isn't a moron. Period. YOU'RE FREE TO disagree but you're doing the same with your back seat counseling offering your opinion on stuff to. Ok kettle calling pot black.
I'm very concerned for OP in the first story because his fiance didn't give a shit until she realised how it made her look. She only got upset when it was strangers comments talking about her but when the person she is supposed to love the most tells her she waves it off? Also the family was just cool with things being racists until they realised their grandchildren will go through the same thing. I usually don't care but I actually honestly hope they've split and he's with someone who treats him better.
OP did wait like 5 years into the relationship to speak up tho, before that he said it was fine. The reaction was probably because she was blindsided by this, but she came around and got her family to put the brother in his place
Op is indian and she is wealthy not rich , thats why he does not want to leave her.Otherwise he would have left her the moment he knew who her brother was
OP2 doesn’t deserve to be married if he doesn’t protect the woman he married. His mother is a psychopath and dad is a doormat and he still thinks he has to take care of them just because they’re his parents?! He should’ve booted them a long time ago.
Did you miss the wife’s addition/update on that story? They’re Indian, where taking care of your parents when they’re older is a big thing, different cultures/heritage/people will mean different feelings/reactions to something like what happened; also his wife said/explained that he never really lived with his parents extensively for long periods of time so he, nor his wife, knew his parents were like that until that moment.
The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white
Those hurdles: who had to work through the pain, you or her? I mean, as an example, if she cheated, your words are meaningful. If you cheated, your words are valueless, hypocritical and just make you worse. Context is significant.
Story 1: The BIL is honestly just pathetic and sad... Like imagine having so little going on in your life that you're still obsessed with harassing a random kid from high school.
when your fiance first wouldn't support you, that is the time to break it off. so what they came around. you don't need someone who might not have your back
Yeah but if this was the only issue.. I often advise on Reddit for people to show the post cause the reaction is telling. If they read the comments and get defensive, bail. But if they take the comments to heart and change? Be careful but give it time
Yeah but also see from the fiance side, for 5 years he has been part of there life and most probably attended family functions etc saying everything was fine, but just before the wedding he opens up, I think that also played a role in this. It's not easy to see once happy family and act like everything nice and then say this.
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774It is once he opened up about it. She didn't take it seriously and got mad at him rather than listen to what he had to say. Didn't even try to see if the family could talk things out first, just immediately attacked him for opening up about her brother. She only changed her tune once the idea that it may ruin their relationship came into play and then even after everything was resolved she dug her heels in even harder trying to overcompensate.
You know your marriage isn't going to last when it took literally thousands of internet strangers telling her and her family bet they're douche canoes and aren't worth a damn for her to even put on a facade of caring about what was happening to her fiance 🤦
Honestly OP shouldn’t marry her cause if she didn’t defend him the first time i doubt she will take his side any other time. 😮 Story 2: make parents leave regardless of what they drilled in his head your WIFE is your family and the minute you don’t stand up for yours then that’s how you lose your family
Story 2: that tl:dr of "my parents insulted my wife" was an insane understatement. His parents harassed and abused his wife and then harassed his in-laws and refused to leave. I'm sorry she decided to stay with him, she deserves someone who will take her side immediately, not after a bunch of dithering and indecision and crying to the Internet about "how do I make everyone happy so I don't have to choose between my wife and my parents (🤢)."
#2 is a HUGE AH! When you marry, your spouse should always be your priority. Not your abusive and entitled parents. You don't deserve her or her loyalty. #3, I don't know about your husband, but mine would rather have teeth pulled than go to a wedding. Your husband may glad he has an excuse not to go. Sister is still a total and complete AH for her B.S.
#2 go with the person in the right, don't just side with someone blindly. If my mom screamed at my SO like that, I'm siding with SO. If my SO throws a lamp at my mom's head completely unprovoked, I'm siding with mom.
@@jacobjosefsberg7824 That's just a Tuesday night for some folks. You're right though, thanks for pointing that out. I honestly think I'd give my husband a Medal if he threw a lamp at my mom's head, but neither of us want to go to jail, so we just don't see her. Family crap is so complicated. I also didn't take into account the cultural differences from my own. Thanks for making me step back and look (listen) again.
Their Indian as mentioned in an update and what OP is doing makes sense,elders and parents are really important in our culture we can't really just not side with them most of the time cause thats how we're taught to act
Story 2 is just... sigh. Imagine living your whole life under nastiness and hell drooling on the anticipatory passion to inflict it on the next innocent woman. What a wretch. Yeah, it sucks she was hurt and abused. But being so doesn't excuse hurting others. And it definitely doesn't excuse a pathological construct of "but I waited for my turn to be a monster, why won't you let me?" I'm loving how AITA and internet in general has given people a place to go find out that their normal is *not.*
I know, right? I don't have kids, but if I did, I could never imagine treating them the same way my family treated me. I always wonder what makes some people say "This is horrible, I will NEVER treat someone like this when I'm in a position of power", and others say "This is horrible and someday *I* will treat people in this way because that will be what I am due". I cannot imagine being so devoid of empathy to enjoy or feel entitled to harm people in the ways that they were harmed. It would be one thing if people perpetuate a cycle of abuse unknowingly, like someone who was in a controlling relationship going on to become the controlling one because they unconsciously develop the belief that you're either the one in control of the one being controlled. But to deliberately continue to be part of the system that harmed you... I have no words.
@@unpocoloco369 I appreciate that, and I hope the men in your life do as well. But you are a part of a very rare few. If more people actually cared a lot of the senseless violence we face in society wouldn't exist.
Story 1: Hell no so how will our futur look like? Everytime she acts like that you come with divorce? When she hears your feelings: 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ when you come with divorce: 😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲 story 2: Ahh niceee " if the parents raised her different she would had left? yes clearly it is important to teach a woman to let herself be mistreated. Logically!
Honestly don't know why OP even bothered fighting for this to work why would you want to be around people who dislike you simply for the color of your skin. None of them cared till they seen the post and it made them look bad but its his life so he can do whatever I guess.
Op is a doormat he should've confrontrd the bil.and called him out and told his fiancee and her family instead of doing this. His lack of spine and self respect is not surprising. And about the fiancee if ahw hadnt read the comments of the oost ahe wouldn't have cared about how hwe brother treated op
My trust in people is very thin so even something like this would be enough to end the relationship. They knew it was wrong but said nothing, he stood up for himself ONCE and was dismissed. I would not trust the familyto repeat. All this apologizing after the realization of "oh, OP may leave" did they back him. All i would have said "if the roles were reverse would you stick around after" this and leave. No second chances on that one
“Don’t know if it was sincere” You know 100 percent that it wasn’t Fiancé : sigh I guess relationships aren’t black and white OP 2: ew he’s a horrible person just horrible
S3) Look, I understand wanting your wedding how you want it, and it’s hard planning for accommodations at times. BUT. If you love someone, it’s work the extra effort. My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and our fathers both have differing severities of dementia. We can’t do a destination wedding, we can’t even just go on a trip with our families at this point to get married. And that’s okay. We are staying local, planning to have a nurse aid, and even a babysitter for the few kids that are included. We are looking for availability of a room for our fathers and the kids to go for quiet and tv or something if they have trouble being at the ceremony or reception. We are also keeping the event smaller to put less stress on our dads, the kids, and our moms since they are the caretakers for our fathers in both cases. We haven’t figured out many wedding details but we already know all these things because spending our wedding with our families is the most important thing to us.
Op is indian and she is wealthy not rich , thats why he does not want to leave her. Otherwise he would have left her the moment he knew who her brother was
So Op#2 wasn't really raised by his parents, yet they expect him to fully take care of them and be ok with them abusing his wife. Sounds like narcissistic parents who only had him as an investment for retirement.
Story 1: I wonder how long the brother is going to keep up the charade before he defaults back to his racists ways. People like that do not change at all especially if their not putting in the work to deconstruct their racist ideologies. The fact the fiancé and in-laws were willing to sweep it under the rug is a problem as well, mainly the finance; she only cared when she realized there was a chance they could break up. Idk I feel bad for their future kids.
Story 2: And here you see why I don't give a shit what my family thinks about my wife. I'll be damned if in our house you're going to disrespect my wife and the mother of my kids. Fortunately, my mother and wife get along really well...too well. In fact they're insufferable together 🤣🤣🤣 This lil boy said "I can't get them out of the house" Boy that's yours and your wife's home you damn 5th grader. No disrespect to 5th graders
Ya no the original poster in the first story just didn't want to leave his wealthy fiance and leave all that money and the fiance probably almost 30 so she just did what she had to do in order to get that dream wedding.
tbf she didn't even do anything wrong. He himself kept downplaying BIL's bullying. Ofcourse the moment he spoke up she was confused. One moment you say it's all good, next BIL is abusive. Best part is that most likely she was so enraged after reading reddit post was because he didn't explain in detail to her HOW ABUSIVE bil was
Story 2: I think with the later context the husband’s behavior is somewhat understandable. They weren’t expecting that sort of behavior from the mother in any way, shape, or form and so they basically just didn’t know what to do. I was hoping the mother’s tone would have shifted when she heard about the miscarriage - but the fact the mom got even worse makes her pretty much irredeemable in all ways as a human being and the father by proxy since he did and said nothing. Either way - i’m glad the rest of the family were all consistent with the message that the parents were horrible people.
Story 1: OP has/had communication issues, and its irritating that it took comments for her to see the severity of the matter. The only apology is changed behavior though so I suppose she can get the benefit of the doubt
I'm not gonna lie I'm ok with how it went in story 1, people aren't perfect, but she was supportive and didn't take it serious because let be honest OP dismissed it for years, it's not right dhe and the mother didn't realize it was serious until it got serious but they did and they were genuinely sorry especially the wife. The father was probably only not wanting conflict and didn't actual found his son's behavior too bad but that doesnt exactly warrant breaking the relationship over and the brother doesn't have to be heavily in their lives he just had to not be a problem wich he can't be since they are all keeping him in check
Story 2: Your mom and dad ruined your marriage. Whether your wife divorces you or not, you should cut contact with the both of them forever because they have either jeopardized what should be the most precious thing in your life or cost you that precious thing. Either way, it's unforgivable, at least the mom. I'd tell dad not to ever contact me again until he's divorced.
Story 1) I know people are hard on OPs fiance for the 180. However, I think it wasn't just the threat of splitting but having it written out retold and then empathized with. Hopefully we can feel the hurt in someone's voice before we see it in their eyes.
Second story, hot take but fiancé was an ah too. She had every right to be mad at them and want them out of the house, but to say ‘I don’t care if they’ll disown you, kick them out or I leave’ and just giving him a week is unfair. At least give him some time to try and navigate a happy medium
Bro really? ISREAL has a higher percentage of Muslims than India does. Most of them left when Pakistan broke away. So yeah not a big deal in India. At all.
so many people in the comments saying that op should've dumped their fiancé after the first sign of trouble. i can tell none of yall have ever actually been in a serious relationship
Secretvoices with another doozy of a title. Op1’s fiancé was not entitled she was misinformed. Op downplayed her brother’s bullying until the wedding. As soon as she understood the extent of the bullying she was on op’s side. Entitled is clearly a buzz word for these kind of videos along with delusional when describing op. Do better Secretvoice.
In the 3rd story I do not see what the problem is. Sister doesn’t have to pick HER wedding venue for YOU. Sounds like you could have gone and just been there for your sister. It sounds like you want it all about you. You pushed your sister too far.
Story 1+/: op ia the real asshole, he doesn't like his bully fair enough but he also doesn't want to talk about him with his fiance and on wedding day he suddenly decides he doesn't want his bully their. I doubt if he is indian too because in India you don't marry your partner you marry his/her entire family.
