u/Fearless_Hornet_5302 My dad doesn't know that I heard him tell another kid that he wished he was his son, so I gave him what he asked for and now I treat him like a stranger. Plus one update. #reddit #redditupdates #redditstories
To be fair it was right after his wife accused him of cheating on her. I don't think that dad made a pretty good job here or anything, but being defensive after being accused of cheating out of the blue (for him) might explain things. Plus the fact that they literally gang him into a corner on what was supposed to be a game night. Anyway, I don't think that marriage is going to last without extensive counselling. That is why men should talk to trees. /s
Yep. I will never forget my mother telling her friend how she wished she’d had a more manly son like her friends son when she thought I was in my room playing games. I tried to hold it in, managed it for a few weeks but obviously I didn’t do a good job hiding it because she kept asking. She got my grandparents involved and had a full family ‘sit down talk’ so I finally told her and she of course denied it at first, then said I misunderstood before finally saying yes, she meant it. She wished I wasn’t so emotional, so girly or feminine but of course she still loved me. Grandparents basically said ‘man up and stop being such a girl’. Our relationship never recovered and even years later it’s still a thorn in my soul. I’ve been through therapy but there’s still this part of me that’s saying I’m not good enough for anyone, they never really loved me and no one ever will. I’ve never managed to go on a date, don’t have any close friends and no matter what I do or achieve it always feels fake and hollow, like I don’t deserve it
@@jamesvivian2855 I'm sorry this has happened to you, no one should have their feelings undermined like that and your mom and grandparents are disgusting people for acting that way to their own flesh and blood. You've been greatly betrayed by your family, that sounded less like a family 'sit down and talk' and more like interrogation and shame circle where they doubled down on their terrible behavior towards you. You deserve wonderful things and I do hope there comes a day you find genuine happiness with people who love and accept you as you are.
@jamesvivian2855 What a terrible thing to say about her own son. You shouldn't blame yourself or feel you're inadequate or not good enough. What on earth is remotely wrong with a boy or man being emotional? In fact, You are just fine as you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve to be yourself without close family hurting you like that. You don't need need therapy but your mother and grandparents certainly do if they can't see how wrong they are. Very best wishes.
FACTS. my earliest memory was being excited my mom was home, and running out barefoot to see her, i fell and hurt my big toe pretty badly (i was maybe 4 or 5) and my mothers response was to scream at me for going outside barefoot. she had been away for at least a week for a funeral and i had missed her. I'm 33 now. it sticks with you
Yeah, he ticks the box for everything he shouldn't have done. There's an saying that goes, "if someone tells you what they are like, believe them." Well done, Dad, you dipsh!t.
“Dad” knew his secret inner thought was revealed so he acted like how a cheater does when their affair is revealed…deny and gaslight. I have a feeling the big sister got a dose of that too as the guy probably gave vibes to his daughter that he wished he had a son before OP was born.
The age gap is too small for her to realize before the OP was born, though the dad might be giving that vibe to this day, wishing she was the son that was into cars
@@BetterNevaia People can feel things even without realizing it. Even babies can feel when someone dislikes or hates them, they just can't put it into words yet. Either way it's enough to scar people for life.
The kicker was that he (the dad) lied and gaslighted OP when confronted. A good person, a good father, would come clean and apologize immediately at that point. Had he done so I am pretty sure OP would have accepted the apology and been willing to work on moving past this whole thing, even though it obviously still hurts and will hurt for a long time. But no, dad and his fragile ego had to deny it, and by doing so he essentially called OP a liar. So not only is OP not the son dad wanted but dad is also willing to throw his own son under the bus in order to avoid accountability. Great dad.
I agree with OP on this. If his dad was willing to lie about what he said, then that means his father genuinely meant it and is trying to backtrack HARD on it. The fact that liking cars is enough for the dad to want Mason to be his son speaks a lot about how shallow he views family. You are allowed to be disappointed with how a child turned out, but you NEVER let them see that disappointment. If they are still doing well in their life regardless of what you wanted them to be, that is what should matter not superficial things like "not liking cars to the extent I do". I just hope Mason doesn't feel like this is his fault, should OP's mom ever tell Mason and his family why they aren't allowed over anymore. I understand Mason just missed having his dad around and so finding someone to bond with was important, but unfortunately the person he tried bonding with was someone who ended up giving preferential treatment over his own kid.
"Never let them see" So he was supposed to know that his son was weird and eavesdropped on people? He literally spied on him and found out. It sounds to me like he's making stuff up to sound more sympathetic. "I just waited outside to ask my question" Even if this was the case (it probably wasn't) then it means that OP is definitely socially weird because normal people do not do this.
@@Eye_Of_Odin978sorry but whenever two people taking in one thing I am also wait until they conversation stop. I didn't cut any specific conversation I wait until they finishing that conversation when they are taking pass on that conversation I will ask anything if I want.
I've been waiting on an update for this forever I'm ready. P.s wow, OP's dad immediately lying about made them all realize that he was serious. He's disappointed that OP is his son and usually I don't hope for divorce but I hope OP's mom leaves him after they try therapy or something. Ain't no way my future husband could say that about our kid and we'd still be together(im single). Divorce and go NC.
My dad and grandpa now have 0 relationship because of a similar situation Gpa wasn't the best dad, but Dad had genuinely gotten over it, he just wanted to talk Gpa said it never happened Dad never talked to him again If he had apologized or even admitted he fucked up they would still be 100% fine
Sadly, dad is a coward. I really hope for them to do some family therapy. But looking at a pos that decided to run away from the problems he created. He is not going to have a healthy relationship with his children and maybe, divorce is coming.
You ain't got to lie Craig, you ain't got to lie. Might as well come clean first off for a better chance to salvage the relationship. This may end up causing tension with Mason, his aunt and uncle.
Easy way to avoid this: don't say crap like this, ever. You don't like that you have no common interests with your kids? Too bad, be upset but shut up about it. There are people who will never see their kids weddings, their grandchildren, never have family at their funerals because of things like this. You want your kids in your life, you accept they aren't mini versions of you and love them. Reminds me of the OP who wasn't a STEM centered person, she was more artsy, and her family never treated her as family until she cut them off, verbally handing them their asses. She told her father to his face that while she didn't understand or like his theories or his work, she still talked to him about it and could act like she was interested so they could about their days and their interests. Told them all to pretend she was dead, she would do the same. They'd all never know her children, never see her again, she didn't care about their funerals. OP's dad is heading for this direction it seems. And he deserves it because of his own words.
You're partly right. If you don't have a common interest with your kid, it's not necessary to shut up about it. What you do is pay attention to what they do like, and work with them on their interest, because if you have an open mind, that interest might become something you also like. My example is my fiance. She likes coloring books, and she has a small collection of them. I'm not AS into the coloring books, but I have one or two, and every once in awhile, we do some coloring together. This sperm donor needs to open his mind to other things besides cars. And I say that despite my love of tinkering on cars.
OP is not the problem, it’s the father that has a problem. Children are not an extension or a copy of their parents. They have their own thoughts, preference and etc. That little comment the father said without even thinking showed his honest opinion. The fact that he continues to deny it, gaslights OP when confronted about it and left showed that he wasn’t really sorry. All his actions in the last bit were the kind you do when you want to run away from a problem that you know is your fault, that you were in the wrong and then push the guilt of it all on the actual victim of this whole thing instead of owning up to it by causing drama. OP’s sister is awesome for immediately having OP’s back about it and then the Mom for her swift reactions to what clearly is, not normal behavior from her own husband to their son. I hope those attitudes continue to stay that way until the father can toss his pride and actually try to fix his c***p because the problem is ONLY him!
WOW. dad knew he fucked up cuz he instantly lied when confronted. he knew what he said was wrong and cruel. if I was the mom i'd be wondering what kind of man I married if our son not being into cars was so important that it made you disappointed in our son enough to not want him as your son. and the sister is the goat for having her bro's back instantly.
The admission was damaging, and something he never should have said aloud. Many people harbor such feelings internally, but they should not be spoken. But the lie was far, far worse. His father is a coward and a weak man. If he had owned up to what he said, admitted that it was a mistake to say it, and apologized, they could have eventually moved on from this. Instead, he tried to gaslight and shift blame back on his own son. And now, because of that, he no longer has a son. Both of his kids will remember this for the rest of their lives. He is the weak man from the meme that makes hard times.
Forgiveness is meaningless. It takes effort to treat the dad like a stranger and/or give him the silent treatment. Depends on whether you actually care about him enough. OP is almost 18. Get ready to move on and forget him.
Letting the problem fester like this was a bad move, but the dad made it worse by trying to cover his arse. If his explanation was the truth then he should have just come clean. I don't blame him for wishing he his son shared his interests. We all have feelings we know are better left unsaid. But, that's just it, you don't say the quiet part out loud. This was a dumb mistake made worse by everyone involved - dad being the worst offender near the end. It will take time repair this family.
Bud... I'm so sorry your dad did that to you my dad hated me to the point of sexual abuse because 1, I was a girl and 2, I loved boy stuff aka cricket, skateboarding etc. But when he told my cousin's daughter, He wished she was his daughter I snaped. I wish I had my mom to support me the way she supported you... (I have brothers but they were in Uni at the time).
If OP is looking this on RU-vid, and he sees the Comments down here, he can show how Supportive we are. He should even show his Dad his Reddit Post, and show everyone's Commentary Support. Hope OP's Dad feels the regret and shame, he's caused on OP, for making him feel like a mistake. A Father should only Love his Kids, and should take responsibility for the actions he's committing, instead of acting like a Hank Hill, who'll never learn to love his own Child, if he isn't there to Support OP and OP's Sister.
It's just as they say... the axe may forget, but the tree always remembers. He made it even worse by lying and gaslighting, because it proved that he meant every word of it.
"i love my son, but i was always disappointed that he's not a gearhead like i am." i think that's what he meant. it just came out poorly. he's a wimp for lying about it, but i think the son is taking it way too far.
Personally think the dad said I wish my son was like you not I wish I had a son like you which is why he vehemently denied it at first and just shifted gears to try to do damage control and it spiraled. I saw something similar with a cousin and bottling it up Def didn't help op and I think the hurt etc got some wires crossed.
Should have simply fessed up and admitted that he did say that, but he did so because he was having a fun time with someone who shared his interests. Just because you don't doesn't mean you can't still love your child. He needed to make that very clear right from the start instead of trying to lie, because by doing so, he's made things much worst and tried to imply his own son is lying. And when he caves? He gets upset because now he's seen in the wrong. To those who might defend the dad? Answer this: If you were in op's position, do you think you'd be as forgiving? We all have thoughts we keep to ourselves, because we know that if we just blabbed everything on our mind, we'd lose loved ones. Admitting you made a bad move is part of improving and can lead to some better relationships if you realize this.
I think it’s just something we blurt out, we never choose who we want as our parents, so are parents. They don’t have the choice to choose the kind of kids they wanna have. They have to accept the different personalities. I think it’s okay to think that he’d loved it if he had a son who was into cars. It’s not a huge thing. It was obvious OP never felt that it was a problem in their life before. Which means his father had never pressed him into anything. He was a good dad. Parents are first timers too. I heard from my mom that my dad liked to have a boy first. Cause he dreamt of it as a teen. That he was also a male and had gone through different stages, he felt it would be nice to be able have a boy and and raise him with his own experiences, so that his son’s feel much open and at ease through different stages. But after I was born, my parents didn’t have any other kids, simply because they’d like to focus on one. And not for once I have felt any less from my parents. And if I get to hear that again from my dad, I think it’s understandable. We all have preferences, doesn’t mean we don’t love what we already have. OP’s dad never let him feel that or said that to his face. Parents harbor thoughts like that all the time, they just don’t say it. And it doesn’t make any big dent in a relationship unless you obsess over it. Which the dad obviously wasn’t doing. If it was that bothersome to him, he should have talked it out with him. How late it was confronted, probably made the dad feel more wronged. Which is why he denied, because it probably meant nothing than just a preference which he’d give up for the people he love anytime. And as he explained he was consoling another kid around his son’s age. Definitely wouldn’t have been a big deal if OP just communicated with him, him who loved him and never let him feel any less for that his whole life.
Old fart here...When I was a freshman and on the track team, my "father" attended a meet. I put the shot, discus and 220 dash..I came in third in the 220, won the discus and third in shot put, I believe. He said nothing about the 220 or the discus, only told me that an athlete at Texas A&M put the shot twice as far and it weighed twice as much, which was not true at all. My shot put weighed 12# and I through it about 40 feet, about a foot short of first place. Matson put a 16# shot put almost 70 feet and he was at least 6 in. taller than me and 50-60 pounds heavier. I was crushed but not surprised. We didn't speak for 55 years.
OP should have talked to the dad about it when he asked instead of telling his sister then his mother. His sister made it about herself and his mother made it about working on the car. With everyone getting involved nothing got resolved.
It isn't a big loss if the dad doesn't come home. It sounds like dad is disappointed in his son for not liking cars like he does. That family sounds dysfunctional from the fact that OP stopped speaking to his father unless the dad asks him something, this tells me that his family isn't a priority for him.
Yeah, this one is just gonna get worse and it’s entirely the dad‘s fault… A real man takes responsibility for his actions, and his mistakes. Instead, this guy denies it, lies, gaslights, And then runs away. I guarantee you he’s going to be a pouty little jerk for a long time after this And this is not going to heal without some serious family therapy.
If the dad didnt mean it the way he said it, then he wouldnt have pussed out and lied to his family about what he said. The dad doesnt deserve his family
Ngl its not as bad as the comment section making it to be. As an outsider hearing this, its not that big of a deal. But as a child hearing this, it really hurts. I think this blew out of proportion thanks to your sis and mom(its not a bad thing). But that just really mean you have a really good family. You have game nights, breaks for mothers/fathers day and all. Maybe your dad just wants to have a father and son relationship just like he did with his dad. I really thinks he likes mason cuz he likes cars, but deep down he doesnt want it to be mason but with you. But i also undersyand how when he said that it hurt your feelings badly and you just felt it isnt enough. Some people makes mistake but that doesnt mean they are a bad person. You and your dad need to have a talk on how to make that father son relationship he had come true, but just not with cars. With other things you both like. But 1 thing your dad do wrong is deny and gaslight. Maybe he felt he was cornered by your sis and mom, it still didnt give him excuse to do that. Anyways i hope you mend things up with your dad, and i genuienly think you have a great family. Good luck!
More and more as I read these comments I'm thinking he just misheard him. "I wish my son was like you" can be misheard as "I wish I had a son like you". I.e he wishes he could share his hobby with his son. Which would explain why he so vehemently denied at first and just changed gears to try to salvage the situation op letting it fester for a while made it worse since his hurt could of lead to misremembering.
I feel really bad about OP. His feelings about being hurt by what his said are super valid, but even though his sister and mom are cool about siding with him they definitely blew it out of proportion and caused a huge fight while also getting the neighbors involved when, like OP said, they didn't really do anything wrong, and the dad is an idiot who would rather lie, gaslight and guilt trip his family rather than admit his mistakes. Poor OP, I hope things get better for him.
I'm sooooo sorry but I don't believe that dad when he said that's not how he meant it. If that's not how he meant it then why did he lie about saying it? Why didn't he just try to explain what he meant instead of lying? Nah, he said what he meant and he meant what he said.
As a man in his 50s who grew up knowing I was a complete let down to my dad for not liking sports and loving cars instead. I feel this kids pain. To this day, I am still a massive let down to him, even happily married with two happy kids of my own and a lovely wife. But you bet he still cones to me for free car repairs, oil changes, brake jobs, etc...hang in there, OP
It's always good to forgive because forgiveness is about you and not them. It'll hurt you more if you don't forgive. You can still choose to keep whoever in your life. You can forgive him and not have contact if you want.
OP should have addressed it sooner instead of bottling it up, though he was not wrong for feeling how he felt. It was unrealistic to think it would blow over. But the sister was being petty. She can be angry, but as the older sibling, could have played the mediator or something that would help to bring up the issue to the parents. The family meeting was necessary, but it should have been sooner. And yes, the dad handled it very badly. It's not what he said - we all say things we shouldn't - but then to defend his postion was not the best thing to do.
The fact that the the dad lied proves that he knew what he was saying. His denial proves that this isn't a simple case of miscommunication. It was intentional.
I don't think the dad meant anything really by it. I think wires got crossed as time went on and OP misemembered words and or blew it up more because he felt hurt. Which is why the dad vehemently denied in the beginning and just changed gears. I've seen a similar situation with a cousin. The dad probably said "I wish my son was more like you" i.e I wish my son shared my hobby like you do. Not I wish I had a son like you. Of course this is my own speculation since some shit isn't adding up. The dad was still super active in his life and didn't ignore him, probably lamented that his son didn't share his hobby and was excited to have someone that did share it. There's stuff missing and I think OPs feeling of hurt clouded what all else went on.
I don't know why people want their children to exactly like how they want and the exact copy of them. Sorry if anyone is heart by my comment. What if children ask their parents why you are not Elon Musk ?? What if children ask their parents why you are not a boxing champion?? What is the children as their parents why you are not a nuclear scientist?? saying see my friend father is how rich I want my friend father as my father.
This does sound like a pretty stupid fight. The father and the son don't share their main interests. So what? The father wish his son shared his interest. So what? The final confrontation sounds weird, honestly not sure if he lied on purpose, but he ends up being punished for the whole thing.
OP is the ass. It's not like the Father treated him unfairly or something. He just wanted a son who shared his hobbies. You basically isolated your dad, it's either going to end with him leaving his hobbies entirely and live a sad life or a divorce.
The kid is 17 and can't cope with the idea that parents have hopes and expectations for their children at birth. No matter what, every kid grows in such a way that SOMETHING is not going to meet the parents expectations and disappoint them. Not even a big disappointment, just something the parent thought of when the kid was a baby that just never happens. It doesn't mean the son is a disappointment, it means the dad is disappointed he can't share his hobby with his son like he clearly always dreamed of. It's not like the dad was constantly shaming him, he made a comment that voicalized his desire about wanting that connection with a son, and the kid decided to take it as a full blown rejection. He's 17, obviously hearing that is going to hurt, and he's totally justified in his feelings, but if he's willing to throw away his relationship with a family member like this, he's going to be in for a bad time maintaining other relationships later in life. My dad wanted me to be into sports. I ended up in theatre. It was always obvious he was disappointed about that as he never got to pass on his sports tips with his kid like he wanted to. Same with me never liking fishing. But he still loved me and we never had a bad relationship at all. I would bite the bullet and watch NASCAR or go out on the boat even if it was boring because good relationships are two way. This reads to me that the son has rejection sensitivity and an inferiority complex revolving around another kid being better friends with his dad than him, but he does nothing to improve his relationship with his dad from his side either. Dad made one comment that honestly isn't even that bad. It's his truth, he's disappointed his son doesn't share his interests. He never even phrased it as a negative about OP. It's not like he said "wow, I wish my kid was less of a loser and more like you!" That's putting implications that were never expressed on him. OP took offense to a discussion he was eavesdropping on and not a part of, and then the whole family decided how to interpret it in the worst possible light. They are all being too dramatic, and with how the sister jumped on it I'm guessing it's a family trait.
Yea that's what I was thinking. Obviously dad is a ah for lying and gaslighting, can't change that. But how long was it that OP held onto that single thought before the sister joined in to where the mother had to say enough was enough. Becuz it seems like before this they had a great relationship. That build up caused their perfect whole family to tumble, dad giving up his hobby, cutting ties with new friends, and causes more regret that will not benefit him as he gets older. Like you said, what the dad said wasn't that bad. Most/all parents wish they could have their child share the same hobbie/interest with them while still wishing them to succeed in what they enjoy. With how OP speaks for their relationship, they (family) could have good communication, but are terrible when it comes to WHEN to communicate. It literally got bad to where the mom started assuming he cheated. This made me wonder how OP takes in bad news/doesn't go his way. Wish for him the best tho.
YTA. No indication of OPs father being abusive or negligent. Tbh OP sounds like selfish and acts immature. Sure his father didn’t mean it in a way to hurt him but this is unreal.
It wasn’t about abuse or neglect it was about a boy who heard is father say that he wished someone else was his son. Whether he misunderstood it or not it’s a heartbreaking thing to hear. The dad is the asshole for lying about and trying to blame it on op
As a father myself, I'm not sure the dad lied intentionally. And based on his reaction, I think he does feel guilty for feeling like he does. Also ESH. Dad sucks for not being honest. OP sucks for not communicating. Sister sucks for agreeing to keep quiet. Mom sucks for overreacting.
Op is a kid. That means the responsibility is different. Why would OP (who, again, is a literal child, and does not have the emotional maturity an adult is capable of) feel safe communicating after hearing something so damaging? The MO is the real MVP here, she realized the kids were acting out and told OP and his sis that they needed to communicate. People don't inherently know how to communicate, and the mom did an excellent job of teaching them and the dad did an excellent job of lying and sowing more distrust. You say a kid sucks for not knowing what to do? When the father is obviously teaching his son shitty lessons instead of how to communicate? Nah, the dad is the asshole, through and through, and the rest of the family were just trying their best.
@glimmerofhope3074 The Mom is the ahole for how she reacted. Demanding that he cut down on his hobby ( which even OP admitted wasn't that big of an issue) and banning the other kid from coming over. The sister is the ahole for not pushing OP to speak up. While her showing solidarity with OP was admirable, it just created more issues. As far as OP "being a kid," he is a 17 year old. He is old enough to get a job, have a driver's license/permit, and sign up for the military. He damn sure is old enough to communicate if he has an issue. As far as the dad goes, he is an ahole for not apologizing once he figured out that he messed up. I honestly don't think he lied on purpose. I think that he thought he said what he told OP.
And a family blown apart over what? Because the dad wished he had a kid who shared his interests? He lied, tried to cover his butt, and that’s not grown up behavior, but “it’s not my fault, I didn’t mean it” seems to be the default for a lot of humans. Instead of talking about it, Mason loses someone who brought back good memories of his deceased dad, and you know that’s going to get thrown up in his face by one of these winners. OP and the sister lose their dad because he admitted he wanted a kid that was like himself and his dad (and then lied, Dad owns that behavior). Wife loses her husband. Husband loses everybody. Husband yelling “well I’ll just get rid of my car,” however, is telling. That car might have been the dad’s touchstone to the memory of his own dad, especially since he was likely thinking of his own father on Father’s Day. I was that kid who’s dad was the car guy, and I’m a 60 year old woman. I never really got into cars. But you know what? I went to car races and tractor pulls. I went to car shows. I would go out and hang out with my dad while he did things on a car, not because I loved cars, but because I loved him. I know my dad wished he’d had a boy like himself. But I loved my dad, and I’d give anything to perch on a stool and listen to him talk about carburetors and the mystery under the hood again. OP was lied to. That sucks. Welcome to planet Earth, parents lie, they disappoint you, they break your heart, just like we do to them. But a lifetime of “well, I showed him” is a rotten life. And that family is blown apart forever. Nobody’s the winner, and they all lost something precious they can’t get back. Hope all 4 of them will think it was worth it. I think it’s tragic.
Ok, thats a family made of idiots. Wich is not surprising me to get riped apart. The first idiot was OP, seeking to be the victim instead of talking with his parents in first place and let it scalated. Thats not healthy for every relation, as friend, partner, or even worse marriage. Second idiot was the sister, who prefered to polarize herself instead of getting more information. Thirt idiot was the mother, who didnt steped, a bit weak of a kind as a mother who too let the problem scalated instead of do anithing. Last idiot was the father. Not for motivating a pupil. He did not get himself a solve for the problem on first as the mother and even OP. Second, he didnt be cñear at first, there are some kind of stuff that you talk to your family at first place. And thirt, abandon when cornered, instead of confronting Talk to family bout everything is the key for a healthy relationship with them
So, let me get this straight. Telling someone that you always wanted a son like them is the same as treating your dad like a stranger? I know this stupid shit is made up, but come on. Don't insult our intelligence.
As a parent of any gender if you wouldn't say in front of another attractive person (I wish my wife,husband,partner,members of poly) was more like them in front of there significant other it goes 10 times deeper for your kid. Kids don't have the emotional tools like adults do.
