after the updates... dad was 23 when he went after a 17 year old who had been SA'd as a child.. they started dating when mom was 18 and she gave birth to her first an age 21 and he was 27... is it just me who thinks that mom was gr00med???
You’re not the only one man. I’m shocked to believe people saying what OP’s mother did was wrong but look at the “dAd” and you’re gonna realize that bro was an awful person to begin with…bro got what was coming to him.
Didn't even need to go that far to know he wasn't a good person, just the arrogance and entitlement while on his deathbed, where he expected to be praised and cuddled by a repentant ex-daughter he still called "not mine" while trying to make amends was enough. The actual F* did he want insisting on calling her there if he's going to throw at her face she's not his child and imply he was therefore right on his actions?
Does anyone else hate it when people say “be the bigger person”? It just seems so manipulative and ignores any feelings the victim in the situation has.
ARE YOU DUMB ?!?!?! SHE IS NOT HIS CHILD!!!!!!! IMAGINE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR AN AFFAIR CHILD AND PAYING FOR HER COLLEGE AND LEAVING HER A WILL AND STILL THE BISH IS UNGRATEFUL. HE OWED HER ASS NOTHING.
How can you raise a child for 7 years and then abandon it? Then have the audacity to demand seeing them only to repeat “you’re not mine”. ETA except for OP
@@gostavoadolfos2023 that can’t possibly erase all the parental love a person would have for the child. He saw her as his daughter, and she most definitely saw him as her dad. He punished a child who had known no father except for him their entire life. I can understand not wanting to raise a child who is not yours when you know it from the beginning. But cutting her out when he raised her as his own for 7 years is despicable. He is an awful person and nothing can possibly justify his actions towards OP
It's the worse thing you can ever do to a man. A man would rather be deleted then go thru this. A father would be more angry and upset at his children not telling him about his wife affair than the actual affair. That's how. It's basically you are asking them be reminded by that every single minute and it's even worse if she was a good child.
@@marthajackson1388 now how would OP tell him about wife’s affair when she didn’t know about it and was literally seven? “And it’s even worse if the child was a good one” the child would be good thanks to parenting, not genes. All more reason to think about their connection as a parent and a child. You must be surrounded by some horrendous men to think this bs is normal to men. No mentally mature person would channel their anger towards an innocent child, let alone the one they were raising their whole life. I am telling you this as a man
Ok but to call her back 15 YEARS LATER to tell her multiple times that she's not his kid and then be sad he didn't get "conscience relieving" forgiveness is pretty crazy he should've just left her alone at that point 😂😂
So the woman that passed another mans kid as her own says the man was abusive and that was the reason of why she did it, and you believe her?? How gullible are you?
Yeah, if OP's mom is to be believed he sounds quite manipulative. But the facts are she committed paternity fraud and by all accounts (including OP's mom) he was a very good provider and allowed OP's mom to live comfortably. I mean hands down OP's mom caused all of this by cheating and allowing OP's dad to raise another man's child for 7 years. So she's definitely the biggest AH here, no questions asked. Only people who argue otherwise are those who don't understand the severity of paternity fraud. It's one of the biggest betrayals a man can face. For some, it causes more long-term damage than getting r*aped, as it's not just finding out your wife's cheated but that child you loved as your own, isn't yours after almost a decade. But it doesn't mean OP's dad is faultless. In fact, he probably wasn't a very good husband. But realistically even OP doesn't know if that's the case, as she admits to, as he never gave his side to her. I really do feel bad for OP, and she effectively had to "forgive" her mom for ultimately destroying her life, as she had no one else. Tough one for her.
OP in story 2 better get someone to look into exhubby's friendly get togethers. He was so happy to leave them behind, that I thinks the man already had another woman lined up. The fact he didn't start with the weaponized Incompetence before OP went back to work makes me think his friends pushed him to find a "better wife."
From personal experience “being the bigger person” means don’t hold the person who hurt you accountable. Op doesn’t have to forgive their dad. The dad stopped being a dad the minute he abandoned op. He only invited op to absolve himself before passing.
I'm all for men removing themselves from paternity fraud situations but once you do leave you CANNOT ASK TO TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LEFT BECAUSE YOU'RE SICK NOW
Nah you don't get to abandon the child you raised then demand they give you comfort. You ripped that kids childhood up. You bear that cross until you go in the box. I don't care what your reason is, you made a choice that hurt the kid for the rest of their life
Blame the mom, not the OP. The miserable existence for BEING an affair baby is something OP does not have control over nor doesn't define who he/she IS! The mom belongs in jail or into streets for being after one goal. As for the dad, I can see why the "Dad" wanted to reconnect. But after the emotionally abuse given to her. There ain't no restart to life. Forgiveness can be an option, but doesn't mean y'all are friends again. In the end both "parents" are Assholes!
1) NTA your mother is okay but she isnt justified but there was reasons, your mother may be a good person, who did the bad thing, but your dad is a POS to the highest degree 2) good divorc him and move on
I'll never morally oblige someone to raise their partner's affair-child, nor will I call someone an AH for refusing to do so. Adoption must be WILLING; you can't trick someone into an adoption and then demand they honor a deal they never agreed to in the first place. Also, it's gross that OP tells comments not to condemn the mother for cheating and committing paternity fraud, conveniently exonerating the only person who is actually guilty. I bet that even if mother's ex-husband agreed to be a father to OP after learning the truth, OP would still look for and reach out to the bio-father "to know where I came from".
Except the dad said he’d been tricked into raising another man’s child yet he was fine raising his second wife’s daughter . He hurt OP in so many ways and then refused to apologise .
OP is an AH. the dying ex dad doesnt need to contact her again tbh. OP is the kind of people that when she got married and hv an affair then pregnant, she wont tell the husband and let him raised the kid as his own and then get even more mad when the husband ask for divorce bcoz "she's your childdd!!!!" . the Onlu biggest AH here is her mom. when ofc OP forgive her bcoz the 7 yo OP saw her as the onnly parent that cared for her and not the abandoned dad. when OP grow older and knw the whole story, OP is AN AH for not try to understand the dying dad. again, this will not happened if the ex dad contacted OP again. ont op of that, the ex dad even want to pay for OP collage fund even though she's not his. but ofc OP still wont forgive him. and all these people in the comment saying the ex dad abandone OP at 7. who caress? i wont even want to raise the kid that forced and lied to me as mine. na' a...
so op an ahole for no forgiving him after he just up and left at the age of 7? again 7 years old i remind you. doesn't matter if he put her in the will doesn't matter if wanted to pay for her college. the moment you don't want anything to with the child you find out isn't yours you keep it that way. don't demand she contact you again. Don't expect her to want to forgive you. and of Course she'll forgive her mother she the only parent she has do you expect people to forgive rapist? you expect people to forgive murderers? no you don't so why do you think op should be understanding and or forgive him? why are you demanding that the child that isn't yours see you? op isn't in the wrong and will never be.
OP is NTA but neither her ex dad. Raising an adopted kid or a step kid is not similar to her case. If she was a man she may understand his position. This is similar to abortion and hiw only women can really understand the weight or the need for an abortion. Her mom did everything in her power to make it up to her because she was biologically her own.
What people don’t understand is What causes a partner to do the affair. The one that is mostly seen and acknowledged is either gold digging, the affair partner is more better, or they just never loved their husband/wife But the one ignored the most is that either the husband/wife did something horrible to their partner. Causing the partner to look for support. And that usually leads to an affair
i see Alot of female names shitting on a dad who walked way when his wife did him dirty. be mad at the mom and how fucked up it is to do to a man. women don’t seem to grasp that
but why want to be in contact with the child you don't anything to do with? why should op understand him? when he literally abandon her? yah he's not the father but in the case stay no contact stop demanding she see you simply because you're dying also can't feel bad for a child groomer and I'm a man
Op really entitled he spelled it out you are a betrayal in his eyes each time he saw you he wasn't able to separate the betrayal of his ex wife forcing to raise you without his consent spepsister was by his choice
so is op supposed to feel bad for him? and are you ignoring the part where nondad groomed her mother? op isn't entitled in the slightest nor shouldn't she forgive him he should've just left her alone
@@HeoBaby24 why would the mother push for reconnecting the story is clearly incomplete yet she berates her half brothers for only getting dad's side yet lacks the critical skill to understandaybe she has only moms side and no it wasn't grooming not because the relationship wasn't inappropriate mind you but grooming would involve not dad be with mom ergo child ergo groom her into his partner
Story 1: OP not bio dad did nothing wrong, he has nothing to be forgiven about. She did not deserve nothing for inheritance he was a fool to give any money to her.
Except how does a 7 year old understand that her Dad who loved her just stopped and wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't ask to meet with him or for money. He evidently felt guilty about his treatment of her and wanted to see her. Pretty ballsy to ask a kid you threw away because you are dying with cancer. He was a huge AH. Be angry at the wife but throwing away her like that was cruel and he was really nasty to do that to a 7 year old.
@@mimiwhite1963 It's easy for a woman to say this. You'll never know what is to be in this man position. When you raise another woman child for 7 years without knowing then you can keep virtue signaling about it.
Except dating a barely legal, abused girl and cohercing her out of college and into a marriage where she was financially and emotionally dependant on him and his whims? Yeah... But you're right, I wouldn't want inheritance to me, I'd give my mother as compensation.
@@karinefonte516 So you're taking what a cheater says as fact?? Why did OP did not say any of that before the update? Sounds like she is trying to demonize as much as possible that man.
I dont think hes a good guy, but hes not a monster by any means. Not-Dad seems like a man with a backbone and is willing to help others as long as they arent abusing him. He found out he had been tricked into raising someone elses kid, he continued to financially support her for the full 18 years when he didnt need to. He treated his 2 sons well and extended that to his stepdaughter because it was his choice. Then when he found out he was dying, decided to do one last favor for OP to support her future since she never had a father. OP never heard his side of the story, she just repeated what her mom told her. None of his actions match her narrative. He didnt want to be taken advantage of and cut ties the best he could. It might have been cold and she can understandably not forgive him but he probably felt like a sucker every time he saw her. Despite that, he still made sure not to hold her responsible for her mothers actions and gave financial support even though he had no desire for a relationship with her. Seems like a dude who wanted to get away from his ex wife that cheated on him but knew that her daugher would never meet her biological father. He could have left her destitute but ensured that she had a future even if he never planned to be in it.
Except he can’t change the past and literally hurt OP in so many ways . He never reached out to her and explain and just let her hear one side of the story . He emotionally abused for years . He raised her said he loved her and would always love her no matter what and then just dumped her when he found out she wasn’t his and then got remarried and raised and looked after his stepdaughter THEN reached out to her when she was dying to found out about his life and he even said he was relieved when he found out she wasn’t his .
That's the problem he took that anger and hatred to the daughter he should told her go asked her mother what she did because everything he looks at her he only sees his wife playing him and that was his only daughter thinking that was his baby girl all along just kills him inside
The mom can get bent but sounds like the only thing OP dod wrong was be born. Cant blame her for something she had no control over. If i was the dad id leave the mom too but i wouldnt flat out abandon the child i felt was mine for 7 years.
Exactly, OP isn't a victim. How dare OP use her psychic abilities when she was an egg to make her mom cheat on her husband. She should be punished for that.
Then why did the "Dad" feel entitled to see her? She was 100% cool with not ever seeing him again at that point, it was the "Dad" who forced her to see him.
OP’s Dad did nothing wrong. It sucks that they got caught in the crossfire due to being an affair baby, but they shouldn’t have expected the Dad to put up with a cheating wh*re for the rest of his life
