My Detransition: How it happened 

You are legit an adorable, super attractive guy. That is, not to devalue you during your transition, you were beautiful regardless. Whether you ever continue your transition in the future, or if this was just a step in your self discovery, I'm glad it helped you in any way to go through this experience. I know it was hard and depressing but you seem to truly know yourself more now and that's beautiful.

My detransition was extremely similar, being trans started off happy but quickly turned into an anxious nightmare. Since detransitioning, i've been happier and learned that I also need to indulge in my interests more instead of hiding. I don't try pass as a male, but I wont stop myself from wearing male clothes

Thank you, I do truly thank you for sharing your story. My story is very similar to yours, only I am no longer Aiden anymore. I had been him for three years. Now I am a mother, a wife and my former female self again. Thank you again Martin.

You describe exactly what I had to go through. Being trans was miserable for me. I'd rather live a stress free life and go back to boy, I feel better, I am seeing my Dr. to come of meds asap I'm done!! Great video great advice

As a trans woman I feel this is the most candid, well-put-together, and thoughtful description of detransition I've seen. I find myself relating to a lot of what led you to transition an the anxieties you dealt with while transitioned. I think my training as a singer has enabled me to have a very passing voice which has helped immensely in my transition which also helps in general. It's taboo to say but passing does matter and as a gender dysphoric person it's always okay to take a step back and evaluate your priorities and make the best decision for yourself

I think it's perfectly healthy for sormone to be unsure if their identity and question themselves. There's so much pressure on trans people to seem so sure of themselves they tend to lie about feeling completely sure to not be gatekepted or just rediculed by people that don't understand it. At least, the message I think you're trying to get across is that's it's okay to change your decision as time goes on. Also, for identities other than binary ones; I'm sure they feel that pressure in a much heavier way sort of like bi people compared to gay people. As a trans girl I'm pretty darn confident in myself, but have had doubts. I've mostly got that your mental health such as anxiety got worse because of the difficulty of transitioning which doesn't necessarily make someone not trans but can kind of point to that and requestioning. I've sort of had the opposite experience that my anxiety has gotten much better since and I couldn't see myself presenting masculine again. Either way thanks for sharing your experience keep being you and questioning your identity if you need to despite what society thinks.

I'm not trans or anything BUT I can sense your struggle. I'm all about living life as stress free as possible so I say try not to worry about the details and just do what feels good to you. Wear what you feel like wearing and act how you want to act even if it's a combination of both masc and fem.

Thank you so much for covering the complicated topic of detransitioning without pushing any anti-trans rhetoric.

I have deep respect for you. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this video. I wish you continued strength.

I'm m2f and detransitioned once. I can understand a lot of where you're coming from however I just started transitioning again after thinking about the decision again for 2 years. Great video. Keep being strong!

With all the talk in the community about transitioning I am so glad that you have shared your story with us. It's a hard thing to do and many people want to keep quiet about it but your story needs to be heard. Transition is hard and takes a toll on your emotions, I can understand why someone wouldn't want to go through with it just yet, if at all. It doesn't make you any less you. Thank you for your incredible story.

You've struggled and you've suffered, and for that I feel nothing but compassion and love for you. Every person has a different story, and yours is still ongoing, but for now you're feeling content with yourself. What more can one ask for?

I definitely appreciate your thoughts and whatever decision you make in the future. As a transgirl recovering from some procedures. Your honesty is refreshing. Hope all goes well with you!!! 😙😙❤❤❤

I like that you are so open to others and had made these experimental stuff to yourself. I shows that you are an open person and more people need to accept that we all can wear and look what we want to - with or without hormones!

Whoa, this is exactly how I'm feeling rn wow. Literally hit the nail on the head, thank you for telling your story. I'm glad I'm not the only one

Thank you for your time and making this video. It was amazing to hear about your experience.

Wow, very brave, I transitioned kinda late in my life with 34. Altough I kept thinking about transitioning every year of my life, I thought I could never pass. With 19 there was a huge urge to do it. Then I tried as a boy for 15 more years. Maybe I needed to live through these "male-years" to realize it will kill me slowley and I just have one life. Now I am happy and I don´t regret anything. Well some things are harder like getting a job or like you say spending more time for applying makeup just to get to the store. But this is the society that supposedly makes the rules. With time I realized I should make the rules. So I go out without any makeup, just being natural. Sometimes I think I should have done that earlier, but maybe like you I wouldn´t have had the exhausting experience of living in a male body...having all those problems with myself, sex, bodyfeeling, expression, clothes, behaviour... I lived a mask. It is important to decide whats good for you. Living in the right body gives in my opinion the only feeling of being authentic and happy - only one question...from my therapist I heard in Switzerland you have to do one year as a girl without hormones as a test. Have you´ve been taken hormones? Cause they changed my body to the congruent feeling inside...if I had to live one year as a woman without hormones I wouldn´t have passed so good as female. The first 6 months was extremely hard, but every day my passing did better and I don´t have to force myself to be female it comes naturally...I think the hormones help here too (softer skin, breast, female features in face,....)

I use to have a complex about my ethnicity. I was bullied a lot by my oldest sibling for many years. I wanted to be a white person. I thought if I could act white or be light skinned, I would be happy. Now at 43, I've grown to accept myself and even like myself. I couldn't imagine now trying to be something else other than me. After I graduated from college and moved around for work, people were always giving me compliments for my skin and hair. All these years I hated myself because of my oldest sister. I met a man who loves me. I'm finally happy.

Such a human story! Thanks so much for sharing your struggles with us. Much respect!

Feel like the best and most honest version of yourself, no matter what you decide. I am also detransitioning. I found that once I got on hormones I felt something change, it was a softer version of me but i didn't care so much about wanting to transition, which took me by surprise and was quite allot to wrap my head around.

Thanks for sharing your story, A little support does go a long way. Many blessings for your future and future decisions.

interesting story, I hope you find peace with yourself. I'm ftm and for me the anxiety feeling is the other way around. for me being able to live as a boy, and seeing my body change has improved my metal health so much and basically made my social anxiety leave completely. I don't know what I would be if I didn't have the chance to transition

Thank you for sharing. I've always felt that neither boy or girl girl is easy. It's an individual decision I'm glad it's working for you at the moment. Some of what you've gone through has resonated with me

This video was done so well!! I appreciate your story.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am a Healthcare worker and stumbled on your video in lieu of personal research (im trying to grow more sensitive to differences in order to become a better practitioner). Your story is a beautiful one, and something that is still unfolding. You are a stunning individual, and a extremely attractive man (i hope i don't offend you by referring to you as a man but you are indeed a gorgeous man). Ultimately, you just strive to be a awesome human being, a kind soul, and live the best version of yourself (you dont have to fit in anyones box but your own). I pray god continue to bless and guide you. Xoxo

What a journey. You had your ups and downs but being happy is the ultimate goal. Love this video

Really appreciate your sharing your story. It sounds like you've dealt a lot with depression. Same here, and I'd really recommend trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've tried a number of different therapists, but I've never had nearly this much improvement in such a short amount of time. I've dealt with not wanting to leave the house, missing appointments, and generally not being motivated to do anything at all. CBT is a way to help you challenge automatic thought patterns that lead to things like depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. When you are able to systematically examine your thought patterns in this way, it allows you to see the thinking traps that cause you to go into a spiral, and work on nipping them in the bud. Hang in there, buddy.

This makes a lot of sense. I hope that you’re happy no matter what!

Loved your video so much :’o may your goals be made with a lot of success 🙏🏻

Thank you so much for sharing! Your video is profound and inspiring, and shows a beautiful mind and your humanity. You will have the BEST in your LIFE! xoxo

your editing is absolutely amazing

I congratulate you!!! You were/are the double of brave!!! Going through all of that is very hard and difficult. I wish you the best, I really do. I hope you are happy and you can find peace. Best wishes. PS I went through the same. I detransitioned too so I can totally understand you,I relate way too much. Good videy.

Can I say, welcome back! And, that you make a very handsome man. There has got to be good in a man who loves cats. (smile) I hope you can see what a very special person you are for being as unique and sensitive as you are. Thank you for sharing your amazing journey to self-rediscovery. I wish you well.

Thanks so much for your video - we need way, way more people having the courage to explain why they transitioned in the first place and why they detransitioned at some point. Your case is similar to many, many others I've read about: basically, they figured out that 'transition' is far tougher than what they imagined, and that some of the things bothering them before transition (anxiety, depression...) remained after transition - so clearly the root of the problem was not gender dysphoria, but rather, gender dysphoria emerged from a completely different reason (and there are many, from physical trauma to the brain to having experienced traumatic experiences at a tender age, the sort of things activists prefer never to mention). Three things might happen: the first is 'giving up' just because 'being trans' is too hard; the second is figuring out the root reason for those feelings of gender dysphoria, and working on that instead - and then the 'urge' to transition will disappear and one will go back to their 'former selves', so to speak. And the third thing would be to figure out that one's gender identity is not fixed as 100% male or 100% female, but that sometimes one needs to present as one of the genders, and sometimes as the other (and this 'need' can last for several weeks, months, even years - but it might not be 'permanent'). In other words: you _can_ have the symptoms of gender dysphoria - and even have serious issues about your gender identity - but not be 'transgender' in the sense of 'having to go through transition'. While every case is different, and I'm not a psychologist, your mini-documentary (which is amazingly well-done, you should pick a career in media production!) gives some clues to what went wrong during your transition. I'm not sure if they are obvious for everyone, so let me enumerate those that I caught immediately. First, you mention the issue about the cost of trains, and this, for me, means that you weren't being advised properly by doctors before transition - i.e. you didn't see them enough times. Once per week is the minimum for consulting with a psychologist (trained in clinical sexology), and that for a long time - for such a serious decision as transition, the absolute minimum ought to be a dozen sessions at least, but ideally more than that. This ought to include several kinds of profile tests - you cannot figure out from a test if someone is 'transgender', but it _might_ be possible to figure out other issues that may be causing gender dysphoria. Thirdly, you don't mention if you were on anxiolytics and antidepressants, and how these have been adjusted before, during, after transition and after de-transitioning; it's very rare for someone to be allowed to transition if they are still depressed, and while I've known of several cases of people transitioning with anxiety disorder (but taking anxiolytics!), they will at the very least be under close observation. Hormones is a problem, and, in general, you can view your 'transition' as a so-called real-life test; in many countries those are made _without_ hormones (I don't know how it's done in Switzerland, but you certainly mentioned waiting two years for getting hormones); around here in Portugal that's the case for the public health service, but private doctors find that's simply too cruel. In any case, the point is dealing with transphobia 'in the flesh', so to speak, doing daily chores and interacting with all sorts of people. You will learn to deal with transphobia all your life, no matter how many hormones you take and how many surgeries you do, so if you're not prepared to deal it during a 'worst case scenario' (i.e. no hormones, just clothes and padding...) then you shouldn't go on (so your decision was the correct one!). There is also one issue you mention with which I totally identify: the time it takes to go out presenting as a woman if you've been born in a male body. Again, I believe that transition (living full-time in your assigned gender role) should be attempted once you can at least go out taking as much time to dress and get ready. This does not necessarily mean 'looking perfect', of course, but at least 'acceptable'; and laser depilation is certainly a must on the face! I've got a friend who had been on hormones for a couple of years but when she went to her full surgeries (top and bottom, done on the same day!) she still hadn't gotten rid of her facial hair, which looked... so wrong. It was the only tell-tale sign of her masculinity, though, the rest of the body was perfectly shaped thanks to cosmetic surgery and hormones. While in her case I would understand that she really didn't need much to go out (so long as she shaved every day...), in your case - taking an hour! - is far too much time (speaking for myself: I take _two_ hours _plus_ the time to take a bath, which I have to as a male anyway, so that doesn't count). Clearly that's simply not practical enough! Now I believe that you have gotten a taste - more than a taste, since it has been two years! - how it feels to be a trans woman in Zürich. That is really what matters, and without that experience, you couldn't make a life-long decision, so I'm actually glad that you tried your hardest to succeed while presenting as a woman, _before_ you went with ahead with any non-reversible surgeries. There is a terrible trade-off here: the more surgeries and hormones you get, the easier the transition will be, but it will be next-to-impossible to 'go back' if you figure out that the transition was not what you needed to feel good about yourself. On the flip side of the coin, transitioning _without_ any surgery & hormones means having a much tougher experience, one that might not even reflect 'reality', and therefore it might be seen as 'too hard' while that might just be a consequence of one's too-male body (speaking of MtF trans people). It's impossible to say which is better and that's why it has to be a personal decision; doctors can only help so far as to determine if you're ready to do what you wish to do, they cannot 'persuade' you to make a choice. Last but not least... it's really great that you feel good as a boy again, and I hope that feeling persists, if that's your 'permanent' choice, but... why should it be 'permanent'? Some people cannot live just stuck with a single gender; and sometimes 'switching genders' may be something you need to do every week or so, sometimes it's something to do only some years (and for months at a stretch - like in your case). This is sadly, from the perspective of society, one of the hardest kinds of transgender people to accept: those that are not 'stuck' to a single gender, but present themselves differently according to mood, context, etc. But it _can_ be your case; only you may know that. And sometimes one just needs to take a vacation of oneself and reinvent one's identity for a while. You did that with your gender identity. Now you're back and happy again. And perhaps you might need to 'go on vacation' again in the future. Who knows? That's an answer only you can get. Cheers, and be happy! :-)

Hey Martin Rei, thanks for making this video. I love you.

thank you for your story.

Sorry to hear this babe. I totally feel how difficult it is at job searching as a trans girl myself! Whatever decision you make, I hope you will be healthy, safe and happy!

Hi, enjoyed your video, I hope you find happiness, life is so short!!

Welcome back, brother.

Sounds like you're doing a really good job of feeling life out and listening to yourself, you make a beautiful woman and a handsome man so whatever turns out to be right for you know that you are a great looking and kind sounding human being

Thank you for posting this. I have trans and non-binary friends and former partners. I feel my best support for them is to be there for them in the best way possible and to make sure that I treat them with respect as a whole person. The packaging on the outside is a small part of what makes a person complete. As long as they are good to me, I am on board.

Brave story thank you for sharing.

Thank you very much for sharing your story! I think this emphasizes the fact that transition is about reaching a truer "you" - wherever that truth may land you. As a transguy, I related so much to this and while I'm finding that transitioning to be a good, though sometimes trippy, decision I find that it is critical to have and share these types of stories too. Because there's not just one trans narrative. I'm happy you've found some comfort in yourself and totally support whatever future you carve out for yourself. Hopefully there will always be cats ;)

I’m glad you’ve found a more peaceful place and that’s seems it’s what you need right now. 💓

this video is so well done, more people should see it!

your gender is valid no matter how you see yourself and I think that you are beautiful no matter how you present

He makes me want to try it and not fear detrasition

I really enjoyed watching this, the editing and filming is amazing! And the story is too. Btw, your voice is really nice too!

I know I should be commenting on your story but, you have some bad ass cinematography skills. Seriously, you're great at it.

It was a pleasure to watch and listen to your story. I wish you the best.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I'm glad you can live your life with less anxiety. You tried, and I think you are a lovely person, regardless of how you dress or identify. Transitioning isn't for everyone, and I think it's great to hear you say you would have eventually tried it out. I hope whatever you do and feel, you can be happy and do the things you love :)

this is very well made. good job.

This was a awesome video. Not click bait but just amazing to see you are happyxx my transition has been going so slow and sometimes I think to go back but I’m still going to continue xx Thank you for sharing

The mood and imagery of this video is so relaxing

He's cute😭

I believe that finding oneself is very difficult for a lot, if not most, people. And that what's right for one person, may not be right for another. That's basically how I see that some transition and some detransition. I started transitioning (from woman to man) 9 years ago and I've never felt or thought that was the wrong decision for me. It always felt very right. Like I'm becoming myself more and more. When I lived as a woman, that was what felt fake for me. Like I was in drag or wore a mask. Living my life as a man I feel much more at ease and relaxed, more genuine. But sometimes I think "what if I'll change my mind later on?" even though I don't think I ever will. At this point, with hormones and surgery, my body has changed a lot, and most of it wouldn't be possible to change back. At least not convincingly. But don't get me wrong, I love all the changes to maleness my body has gone through so far. I mean, it's a little scary having to rely on that I just hopefully won't ever change my mind, if that makes sense. Cause the future is uncertain either way. I completely accept those who detransition and think nothing bad of it, but thinking about it in relation to myself scares me a bit. I think maybe I think too much.

You're adorable! I'm glad you're happy.

You are skilled in making videos! 😊 Greetings from Luzern!

You are a striking young man. And no matter how much confusion there is around you know this: You need to stop focusing on yourself and start caring about others. Too much time spent looking at yourself in the mirror will do bad things to your head. Get a job, get a girlfriend, have some sex, go out, do good for others, volunteer, be productive, do exercise. Life is too short to be looking at the mirror all day. Trust me, I know what is like.

Thank you for sharing your story Martin. 💕

Very well spoken, great video!!

I'm so happy that you're finally happier

Thank you for sharing your story Martin

Damn I must say I really like the video's editing, t'was a good swiss "liminal spaces" compilation, it really hit me with lots of memories. I'm glad I decided to watch your video as a trans girl. I was afraid it would make me self doubt a whole deal but on the contrary, it has given me hope. Hope that even if I do a mistake with my transition and all, it'll be part of my journey in the end and I won't regret it.

A needed video. Thank you.

What was your age when ya started transition???

Good video. Its good to spread awareness of detransitioning. People shouldnt feel pressured to COMMIT to anything. People change. Situations change. Good luck with your future!

Really interesting. Almost exactly what Anne Lawrence describes in ‘Becoming What We Love’.

✨be happy✨

BUT DO YOU FEEL DYSPHORIC ABOUT YOUR BODY? Sometimes I feel like I can get comfortable and fill in my masculine features like slightly wider arms and I feel less anxious wearing something that makes me a bit more masc than usual but 9 times out of 10 I wish i had a more feminine body and it becomes so stressing and also guilt comes that I didn't start hormones when I realized because I would have been closer to what I wanted to look like....did you experience anything like that, how strong is your body dysphoria?

I had a very similar experience just on the opposite side. noone believes that i had real dysphoria at the time and i really went thought a rough time dealing with it Thank you for sharing your story it makes me feel less alone

Thank you for this... Im detrasitioning after 4 years of being a boy and being 8 months on testosterone, but the worst part is that i changed my documents and i live in Mexico, so there's no way back... I've been feeling really depressed and im searching for other people with a similar story to feel identified...

Beautiful video and storytelling

I like this video a lot. It conveys several important lessons. People need to understand that a) transitioning may not be for them which is okay b) it's okay to be confused about your gender c) even if you are trans, it's okay to not know it until you're older. d) you may end up not being trans at all which is just fine e) it's okay to explore your gender. I didn't transition with hormones or anything, but I began to present as male, go by he/him pronouns, and choose a different name to go by. While I enjoyed being a male the struggles that came with 'transitioning' and beginning my life anew as a man wasn't for me. It could be because I'm not trans after all, it could be because I'm not strong enough to deal with the difficulties that come with being trans so I'm better off accepting life with gender dysphoria. I don't know what it is and who knows who I'll be in the future, but I'm back to living my life as a female (Although I do still go by the male name I chose for myself) and I'm satisfied with this. I don't like it as much as presenting male, but I'm okay living my life as a female.

Thank you for sharing!

Hi! Thanks for your story. I am not transgender at all but I've gone through/am going through similar things. It gets better though. But all this anxiety, taking time going out (just the idea of getting ready, shower etc.) it's crazy. You know what, some people are just transvestites/crossdressers. One does not have to alter one's body to pull off long hair or shop in the female department. I am not sure whether these people are in better (overall psychic) health and feel much less shame and anxiety, though. Maybe you could investigate Eastern philosophies who talk about feminine and masculine sides and healing (of those). Such things as Tantra etc. And how to live a conscious and awaken life. In the meantime, I would suggest you see a psychologist/therapist. If you have depression (and anxiety), you need to get medical support.

you are a very intelligent person and I wish you happiness, either way, whether you transition again or not. Plus, you love cats and anybody who loves cats deserves the best. What is really profound and extremely true is when you narrated about realizing you don't have a coke in the house and just getting out of the house to buy a coke. Transsexuals who are not passable are really disabled and crippled since they just can't leave the house and buy a coke. They need to spend 3 hours doing hair, make up and clothes to get out of the house and buy a coke. That was very profound.

I don't understand who would thumb this down. It is honest, and it is how things sometimes work out in real life. Sometimes people can change opinions on things, but it's OK. It's not for everyone. Sometimes people get rid of their body dysphoria, even though they might continue to feel transgender. This was a difficult journey, so thank you for shearing and giving insight into it

Im Mtf trans and now deciding de-trans ibdidnt take my hrt for about 3 months Im so nervous what i do looks like😢

2021 I hope you are happy and healthy either presenting as a male or as a female. You are loved and worth good things 🏳️‍🌈

Thank you so much!

Thanks for sharing, this helps me.

I hope you are happy no matter what you decide to do.

Currently I think you are handsome and sensitively-aware, and I wish you the Best!!

So hows your social life?

I liked this honest story. Quite refreshing. On a side note, can you link the music you used? It was very entertaining as well.

Well, I always think that the meaning of transition is to become more yourself, but some people I've known get caught up in just a whole new set of gender role expectations (that don't fit them either) along the way, and forget to just be true to themselves (there's no one set way of being a man or woman, after all - if you're a woman, then you're a woman, no matter what you act or dress like, trans or not). I liked this video, it was very chill, and who knows what the future will bring for you. I'm somebody who doesn't feel they fit into either the male or female box at all (non-binary) so perhaps it could even be something like that? Either way, good luck with your journey. (:

Do not worry about how you present yourself to other people. I too have spent my life dealing with gender dysphoria. You’ll often go back and forth when deal with this. At age forty five years old I came down with a form of testicular cancer. Well it wasn’t just testicular cancer it was also ovarian cancer too. In other words I never fully sexually developed during the embryonic phase of gestation. In time I came to realize many of us who have to deal with dysphoria maybe didn’t sexually develop properly. Accept my body and brain failed to develop. Where the average transsexual has just brain development that isn’t the same as their body development. Just be yourself, what ever you feel that self is.

I hope you are able to hold on to the parts of being Tina that you loved best going forward.

Your comment about not having to perform was very insightful. The transsexuLs I have met always demanded an audience and positive reaction. It was exhausting being with them.

Update?

Definatly relate with the part about the pizza n drink!

I detransitioned because that anxiety is not worth it!

Thank you for the videos, I've strongly considered detransitioning myself but I worry annoy the implications.

Good production valure, looks like a pro documentary

2:31 Oh damn, plot twist~ I hope you made the right decision and continue to be comfortable with who you are. The cats are beautiful. Oh, the cattle too.

May God continue to guide you in the beauty of his word. Love your story God bless

Hey so I want to go over like how I transitioned everyone story is different, I think your main issue is that you socially transitioned before medically transitioning. I began medically transitioning however didn't socially transition, I began transitioning very young so my body was incredibly receptive to estrogen, I let estrogen do it's thing and I began moving towards just more andro clothing, first thing was a bought a denim jacket in a women's fit, didn't pass but it didn't matter because my clothing didn't signify I was trans. Around 5 months I began getting like heavy breast growth and I then just began wearing women's cut shirt, I have incredibly slim waist, and large hips so around that time I began to pass my face is incredibly round and estrogen made it rounder but I had dysphoria from my trachea so I got surgery to remove it. I began wearing basic concealer just to contour certain parts of my face which made me look a million times better, it was subtle but it helped so much. I am planning for brow bone reduction eventually as it's the last section of facial dysphoria for me. I trained my voice, which took tens of hours but it was the final part that made me really just be able to exist, you pass easily when walking because no one really notices you specifically once you are engaged with someone every detail of yourself becomes obvious and in this situation training your voice is really important. From there I finally ditched my masc sweatpants, for just women's jeans and when I did it when I went out I completely passed in them because I had worked my way up, I just looked like a very masculine women, when I was walking home from school some guy yelled "dyke" from his car on the side of the road, he clearly was a POS but I have never felt so validated by a slur. Wearing andro clothing also helped me, by also not drawing so much attention to me, which for me was good. From there I got laser on my legs, (I had already on my face) and put certain creams on it to make it look smoother and began wearing just jean shorts, and that is basically where I currently stand. I am planning SRS (penile inversion vaginoplasty), I have it all scheduled for next year, and I am just going to let my breasts grow in and maybe "in the future"TM get breast augmentation. I became so attached to andro/masc clothing that I have never wanted to switch, I am fine with being read a masc presenting woman, like it's actually really cool. There is no reason to not take it slow. It's hard, it's so hard to want to express yourself and not being fully able to yet. This experience was so painful for me, even if it was comparably easy for me compared to some other people. It was a gradual change in which I noticed my overall appearance and dysphoria slowly go away. Hormones take time, surgeries are expensive and painful but it's worth it in the end. I want to close this, for no particular reason on how Lou Sullivan always ended his , because I love him -Yours in liberation,

It's so sad that you were not able to go on HRT :( It helps so much with passing but also with feeling like yourself and less like a fake. From someone who is transitioning in her mid 30's, please do not forget that if you are trans, it never goes away. I have cut my hair short as well and was happy about fitting in for a while but it only delayed the inevitable. I understand that you seek stability and to escape the pain your were in. You can always transition later but do not underestimate the pain of regret. Before starting HRT I went to get some food dressed as me but unshaven. It was a challenge I did to see if I will be able to live as open trans. Because I knew I would need to not care what others think of me. I still fight with this sometimes (did I just pass or not?) but it is getting better. You are so brave for going to that job interview. You do not need to admire trans woman. You can do this as well if you work on your fears. I know, because I thought I would never have the strength to transition.