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It 100% is based on context. If my child wins a championship, I’m not gonna go on about my other children. That’s ridiculous. But if we’re going to some fancy thing and they both dress up well ofc both of them deserve a compliment. Context is key. To let your child never shine individually is wrong, but to only dode over another is even worse.
Sara, coming from 4 kids made perfect sense, as did only child Joy from her perspective. Her point about two of them sitting there and only one getting complimented was valid
Winning or giving a prize is one thing, receiving or giving praise is another. When you praise a young girl for being beautiful and her sister next to her listens and receives no praise whatsoever, believe me, that will affect her emotionally. People are sometimes cruel, or clueless.
Children should not be complimented for their looks which are genetic but praise is lovely when it's for behavior or accomplishments. Looks fade as people age but the beauty inside does not.
Joy is right, they should compliment both of them when they are together. If it's a specific noble act that just one of them did then that person should be personally praised for their act. Growing up, I had some nasty relatives on my father's side who constantly praised my older sister and belittled me. She is the oldest and our father's favorite so he was very proud of the fact that his family preferred her over me. Even when I was as young as 9-10 he constantly reminded me that she was well loved by his family and I wasn't because I wasn't as good as her. Kudos to the parents in this story for sticking up for both the girls.
Sarah hit this on the head - if everyone wins, nobody wins. And like Sunny said, you have to build up kids and give them compliments to build self esteem before they enter a dark world
So inappropriate! I hope you heard what Ana said! "They have their own grandmothers and they wouldn't appreciate that comment! " Sarah ain't so funny. She was hurt that Joy shut her comment down and that her own mother doesn't "see" her.
@@npgurushe is their grandmother legally speaking through marriage lol You can have more than one grandma which is true Paternal and maternal The question would be how the grandchildren feel about Grandma Ana not wanting to be a grandma That might bother then I personally wouldn't be embarrassed if I was in Ana's position, I would also be a grandmother biological or not by marriage lol
This was hilarious!! OMG! You could see Brian starting to stress out as to how he was going to jump in and get a word in! I wish they'd bring Brian in more because it wold make for great entertainment! I'll bet he has his hands full with these women and it must get pretty funny at times!
@@joshmercado4181 For me it depends how old they are. If they are 3 yes I'm going to tell them their drawing is beautiful because odds are no 3 year old is good at drawing.
I'm with Joy on this. One out of only two kids _in the room_ getting a compliment is a bit different to one out of four kids (who aren't even there) getting a compliment or praise for an achievement...
I completely understand it because I was a middle child. My sister is 5 years older than me, & my brother is 4 years younger than me. I basically had to pay for my older sister's mistakes & set a good example for my brother who could do no wrong, so throughout the years I was never praised for anything I did well or did right while I had to hear the compliments given to them both regularly, & that has stayed with me as an insecurity. I'm 57 years old now & soon to be 58 years old in February, & that feeling will not go away no matter what I've accomplished in my lifetime. I'll always be the middle child, & unfortunately, I now only have my younger brother left & were not close. 💜💯
It depends on what the compliment is. If it’s something earned, compliment the child who earned it. For example, doing well on a test, compliment the child who studied hard and did well. If it’s something that’s UNEARNED, like physical appearance, both children should be complimented or don’t compliment altogether. I am the younger, prettier sister in my family and I would always receive compliments from my mother and my mother’s very shallow family. I always felt bad for my sister so I took it upon myself to hype her up when no one else did. But the lack of affirmation by my mother really did a lot of damage to her. She’s very insecure as an adult because of it.
Moscow Mitch and the Machiavellian republicans of the white are still loyal sycophants of Donald J Trump! It shows how weak and fearful they are of donald Trump! But it also shows that if trump becomes ruler, they get a nice piece of the Pie! Hello?
I have five beautiful educated successful daughters that have positive contributions to their family, loved ones as community. I feel quite the opposite. I think THE WRONG PEOPLE ARE HAVING TOO MANY KIDS. So I did my part to populate with positive citizens. One of the five is adopted but I can't remember which one. ❤️
That happened to me this weekend Joy... my mother thanked my sister for something we all did for her and went to leave, without thanking me as well. My sister looked shocked. When I commented on it my mother and she said she was going to thank me later.
If individual success makes others jealous, then they should strive for individual success themselves. Handing out participation trophies protects feelings but destroys ambition.
Love and Kind Words FAR EXCEEDS any compliments. If you Open up your Heart, you give more willingly, and that's better than mere complimenting somebody. Happy Weekend, EVERYBODY!!!! #ViewNation #GiveAllYourLove. #LoveToEverybody!!!
My mother used to do that to me. If they said your daughter is pretty. She would say oh you have to see my other daughter. It used to hurt my feelings. I got over it, when our neighbor told me, that she thought I was the prettiest in my house. I really appreciated hearing that. What I do now when I see a little girl or a boy, I tell them how beautiful they are. ❤
I had this growing up, my aunts would always compliment my cousins but never my mums kids. Made us feel terrible abd unwanted. I think it depends on the compliments though, if its about looks then indeed keep it to yourself or compliment all the kids, but in Sara's case about accomplishments I think that's a different story , the other kid should understand and not take it personal accomplishment related compliments vs. Physical appearances ones.
you dont always have to compliment all the kids like it's a blanket statement and it appears inauthentic. but it's wrong to always just compliment one kid. there should be a time and place for everyone getting the compliments
I feel like you should def acknowledge and compliment kids when they do great actions in due time so if one accomplishes something one day it's his day of getting praised his sibling will have the compliments another day
I'm with Joy, Sunny, and Ana. You never put a child in a position to feel unseen. You compliment one, you can say something kind to the other(s) and it doesn't have to be the same compliment. They should just be acknowledged. Sara's perspective of leaving a kid out only serves to create superiority complexes for the one getting the compliments and inferiority complexes for the one ignored and it can lead to hostility between siblings. I've seen it happen in so many families and the results are never pretty. I could say so much more but I'll leave it at that!
Moscow Mitch and the Machiavellian republicans of the white are still loyal sycophants of Donald J Trump! It shows how weak and fearful they are of donald Trump! But it also shows that if trump becomes ruler, they get a nice piece of the Pie! Hello?
It's interesting how the two only children at the table are saying everybody should get a compliment, and the ones with siblings are saying that people should be able to compliment an individual without feeling like they have to compliment everyone else. I'd bet my bottom dollar if they had to deal with parents detracting positive attention away from them all the time, they're feeling differently.
I agree with Sarah on this one. When one of your children is recognized for doing something good, as a parent just say thankyou. No need to bring the rest of your children into it. All children have talents in their own way and getting individual attention to their talent is fine. If you say to one child I love your outfit, that is fine, but no need to compliment the other children in the room. One can say something like how are you today. I;ve see parents praise one of their children all of the time, the other child has become extremely quiet, now that is sad to watch.
Joy, in dismissing Sarah, you proved her point. When giving the others a participation trophy everytime one does something outstanding, you effectively erase the others accomplishment.
I disagree with Sunny. Building people up just to build them up does more harm than good. People aren’t kings, they aren’t queens. They aren’t even inherently special. But they all have value as human beings. But baseless compliments do not help any situation.
I agree with Sunny in the sense that you should build on a child. When they dp something great acknowledge it, it's the same as if thry do something wrong acknowledge it as well. In continuously building an individual or a child, it may give them a false sense and f reality where they expect others to do the same as their mother. But like sunny said, the people in this world would tear you down as soon as they get the opportunity to. It's a tricky one but if one child expresses they feel unseen when you compliment another you have a teachable conversation in that moment. The world does not revolves around you and if one doesnt compliment you means you any less than.
Ladies, you overthinking this question way to much. Honestly, girls/boys best get used to not being included in these types of conversation. Because when they get out in the real world they will not be complimented as they would around their parents. get thick skinned to the lack of compliments, then you'll be pleasantly surprised when you actually receive a genuine compliment. And , you'll know at a genuine compliment really ois.
Parents are suppose to be loving. They are supposed to build them up. So when they engage with the real world they have the resiliency and confidence of their family's voice strengthening their resolve to tackle it head on.
Sara was talking about being complimented for exceptional behavior or achievement. Joy shut Sara down and reduced the compliment to what someone’s hair looks like.
Depends on the compliment and circumstances. You did well on your solo is a compliment. But you were the best in the program is not ok. Competitive events have different results. Use good judgment not to hurt any ones feelings but it isn't always a fair world.
Something I didn’t appreciate before. Joy does a good job introducing a topic. Whoopi moderates, there is a difference. Whoopi has authority, this went off the rails. Have we ever seen Brian send it to commercial before?!
NOO. You don’t just get a compliment just to get one ….. it’s like giving everybody a gold star. For example .. my brother and I bring home a report card, he got As I got Cs, they complement him as they should …. WHY should I get complemented ? For being lazy !?? NOPE !!!
I don't see how this is so complicated. If one kid did something special and the other didn't, then you compliment the one who did something. But if you find yourself in a situation where only one kid is receiving compliments all the time and the other isn't, you need to try to find reasons to build up that other kid from time to time or else they're going to feel terrible about themselves. But again, compliments should be genuine. I was an only child and my mom would go on an on about how I was the best kid in the world, smartest, prettiest, etc. I don't doubt she actually believed it, but now as an adult I hate receiving compliments.
Point well ( taken ) . Teach your children to love those around them , be clear , honest and upfront about their feelings . Color , gender , body type , money etc will not play the biggest roles in their thought process when it comes to them period .
I'm so very GLAD that their PRODUCER Brian PULLED a Whoopi, stepped in & shut that whole entire conversation DOWN as an EXCELLENT producer HIMSELF SHOULD ojay @kehindedurowade5029.
I would’ve loved to have heard Whoopi’s perspective on this. I knew two sisters. One was mixed, the other was full black. The mixed sister always used to get told how pretty she was by strangers in public, but the darker skinned sister didn’t and their mom didn’t like that. I don’t know if the darker skinned sister was upset about it or not though.
It's not the same with Sarah's story. Presumably her self esteem compared to a child living in the shadow of another 'better biological daughter' will suffer greatly. These children of divorce require equal love and support. If you don't make them feel equally worthy of attention and lve they will harbour this lack as a defect.
Sometimes we compliment children too much especially on how they look which they have little control over. They then are disappointed in work and relationships if the are not boosted on a daily basis.
My friend has two daughters; one’s a brunette, the other a blonde with blue eyes. The blonde one is constantly being told that SHE is beautiful, that she’s so special BECAUSE she is blonde. Her sister is listening and she gets visibly upset. They’re both beautiful but people’s idiotic way of complimenting only one of the children makes the other one feel lesser than. Either compliment both or don’t compliment either one. They may be children but they listen and that type of thing will follow them for life and impact their self-esteem.
Depend on the age....prime example the compliment Alyssa got on her dress yesterday nothing negative was said I like Alyssa style. Never know what someone is going through..I always say don't let glad impression give you the wrong impression (I mean just because you see someone smiling does mean they are happy) prime example Robin Williams making other people laugh while he was suffering himself
Whoopi told them already when she said, "Not everyone gets a prize" as the reason not everyone got nominated for an Oscar. However, I do think that it is harmful when blended families show favoritism by only recognizing or gifting their blood relatives.
my thing is the learning aspect. you are not going to be complimented or praised in every situation, so doing that to your children sets an unreleastic expectation. But it is important to compliment all children at different times.
I feel the same way if I see two people and I think one of them has on the best outfit ever and I want to compliment them then I feel bad because I'm only a complimenting them and not the other person but the other person didn't have on the best outfit ever
If she ONLY does it to her biological niece, the mother should make it that she ONLY sees the biological niece. She shouldn't be forced to lie because one "feels bad." Kids are sh!ts and so are adults! You should be allowed to like just one and not the other.
If both of the girls are in the room together, it's very rude to compliment one but not the other. That's showing favoritism and can stick with a child for a very long time.
