My LAST Full-Blown Manic Episode | Bipolar 1 | Psychosis | Risky Behavior 

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it makes me feel a lot less alone. I had my first full-blown psychotic manic episode last year and to this day, I'm still learning to come to terms and peace with that moment in my life. I feel a lot of embarrassment, guilt, and shame towards myself, especially since it all happened on the internet. What I thought was me getting better from a depressive episode was actually the start of my psychotic manic episode. I had grandiose and persecutory delusions and disorganized thinking and behavior, and even hypersexuality. I thought I was better than everyone else and that everyone was wrong and had to look up to me, and I thought whoever was against me was out to get me, verbally and/or physically. I lost two jobs during my first episode, but thankfully, this one job brought routine back to my life and I was able to sort of recover back to my normal state of mind. Unfortunately, when another big moment of change happened in my life early this year, I fell into another psychotic episode, this time dealing so much with the shame, embarrassment, and guilt from my first episode. I couldn't stop dwelling over everything I said and did on the internet to past friends and family members, and it got really bad to the point I felt that I shouldn't be here on this earth and self-harmed. I went to the hospital three times and was finally hospitalized the third time into the psych ward. I was there for almost a month and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, recurrent, severe with psychotic features. I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics, and even went through a few rounds of electroconvulsive therapy. It has been a few months since my hospitalization and I've been doing a lot better. I have a job where I made new friends and have a consistent routine of work, leisure time, eat, sleep, and repeat. It's just, at this current moment, I'm getting depressed again, getting flashbacks of my first psychotic manic episode, making me feel embarrassed and shameful that I even said and did all of those things. I no longer have any social media platforms and lost so, so many friends who probably will remember me as this crazy girl who lost her mind. Thankfully, I have not run into anyone since my first episode and I hope I never do. I've just been living a simple and quiet life now, and I'm neither too sad or too happy, just okay. And I think I'm okay with that. Thank you for letting me share my story on here. I love watching videos and reading comments about people sharing their experiences and stories because it makes me feel less alone and assures me that I am not making up what happened. I constantly tell myself words of affirmations that "Psychosis and your first psychotic manic episode do not define who you are at all because it was not the real you." "Nothing you said or did during your psychotic manic episode was your fault. You had no control over your own mind or your own body, so it was not your fault." Thank you again. xoxo

I find this to be an important channel for me because I've struggled with bipolar disorder for 24 years. I have my ups and downs. Initially I was ashamed of my bipolar disorder because I thought having a mental illness meant I was less of a person. But over time I learned to accept myself the way I was and I learned to cope one day at a time. And I look forward to seeing more of your interesting videos. I really need them.

God bless that taxi driver who knows where you would of went! This is sooo scary. May gods angels continue to watch over you

Thank you so much for being open!! I have bipolar and find it hard to find and connect with others who experience similar mental health issues, specifically relating to bipolar 😃

My mom is so hard to deal with I'm trying to figure out if she is borderline pd or bipolar. It's so tough to watch the untreated mental illness cause my mom to push all her friends and family away, and I'm always the only one left for her to lean on. Im 31 yrs old now with a family and had to move 2 hrs away just to find peace, but even just going to visit my mom is EXHAUSTING and very hard on my hubby and kids. They don't even want to go over there anymore but I feel like I can't just cut her out 100% because she is my mom and i love her, I just can't stand anything about her anymore and its so heartbreaking 💔

Thank you so much for sharing. I went through the same level of a manic episode 3-4 times now. Hospitalized each time. First one was the worst since I had no medicine in my system. I lashed out on my family also. Thank you so much.

Thank you for sharing! I had my first episode this past January and just have been trying to learn all about it. It was embarrassing and it completely changed my life. I’m still working on learning how to navigate through this diagnoses.

“Because I was manic, that’s why.” I just had to laugh. Thanks for the video, i just found your channel and am binge watching. I’ve never had a full-blown episode (I tend to get more hypomanic) but I had a mom who sure had them.

This feels like a regular Tuesday for me.

I'm pretty sure I just had a manic episode. I was tired and laying in my room seeing ghosts or something. And them I kept having the thought that someone is trying to break into my car all night long. I've also had the feeling that the government is following me when I leave my house, and that the government is directing planes to bank towards the airport over my house, because they know I hate planes. I had a job for a month and I thought government agencies were after me because of my political views. I also thought someone was poisoning my coffee for about 2 or 3 weeks. I literally left one day because I thought I was going to get arrested. For what, I'm not sure? I honestly don't know what's wrong with me but it feels like I'm going crazy, and my doctors aren't giving me any kind of diagnosis. I honestly hope it's bipolar at this point and not schizophrenia or something else like that. It's been really hard on my family and I'm not sure what to do.

I’m manic right now ahhhhhhhhh just cant sleep 💤 I feel great tho … I am sooo euphoric racing thoughts 💭 you were fearless when you were manic

Is it posible to have „silent“ mania? Like doing all the wrong stuff but hiding it from Family and friends ?

I don't know if I have bipolar disorder. For 3-5 days I'm alert and can keep to a schedule and can study art subjects like value, drawing, etc but afterwards for 2-2.5 weeks I just mope around and watch youtube videos the majority of the day with hardly any care. I think it's as if art is too much and I need those 2-2.5 weeks to recover but I don't know if I'm just being lazy or if I do have a problem I also see things in the dark. When I look at my phone screen at night without it being on (just the screen in the dark) I see small white dots in motion that reminds me of a circus and a theme park combined. The dots dance around in unison with things appearing and disappearing in a way like a merry-go around turning a corner because the ride is circular except the merry go around is floating and that's just one thing out of a whole clusterfuck of images. I don't do drugs I'm sorry you have these issues and I hope you live a calm life when you can

I have been having “episodes” pretty consistently every 3 or 4 weeks. I don’t remember probably 90% of what occurs during them. I do, however remember passing out during some of them. My son taped one of them and I am extremely manic and not like I normally am. I’m even mean and angry, which is not at all normal. I’m so afraid because I am on my own and worried about being assaulted, kidnapped, etc. if anyone has any ideas or advice it may be lifesaving for me. I’m working with my regular doctor but I can’t get into a psychiatric doctor for months. Any help would be so greatly appreciated, thank you in advance.

I have respect for you telling this story. I can´t imagine going thru this. Im interested in this topic because I feel so bad for Britney Spears. She seems to be in a manic episode currently ... I don´t understand why nobody is questing her insta posts ...

Is it possible to have „silent“ mania? Because i did horrible things but covert it all because i wanted to be „secret“. I felt so good while doing it and thought i am in the right. But now 4 month later i remember everything i did and my Guild and shame is damaging me so so much. I dont know if this is mania or i am just a horrible Person. I have an high iq and dont know if this is why i was Able to be doing all the wrong stuff in the „dark“. But it scares me so so much because these are things i would Never do in a „normal“ state.

Had Dysphoric full blown mania, full on hallucinations and extreme rate and paranoid. Not fun

Bless you for sharing..my daughter just got diagnosed .

Please share what medication is working for you I know each person has a different cocktail but it would be great to know what is keeping you stable at the moment so please share tks

Coming off a manic episode and stimulants luckily I only hooked up with like only 2 guys yesterday now I’m watching videos to try to come to terms with this rollercoaster because I know what’s gonna come next. My birthday is coming up and I don’t wanna spend it in depression

Using lithium for twenty years consistently and not being monitored properly led to having 50 % kidney function loss.i now am on another cocktail of Meds.ive been diagnosed for 20 years and it's destroyed 3 marriages and hurt many family member.its not just me that has suffered.

My brother is going through something similar, it’s scary, what is the most frustrating is he is 4 hrs away by plane, and we as the family cannot do anything and he won’t come home.

Hi, why didnt apply to be medically boarded?

How did you make them stop? My fiance has had 3 full manic breakdowns with hallucinations and everything in the last 6 months. Something isnt working

Hello thanks for sharing! You mentioned you haven't had another manic episode in the last 14 years? Wow that's impressive! You have never stopped using lithium?

Hello. In 7 minutes in, I may have missed it, but we're you on medication when you went to your brother's?

I got a friend who has a 1000 thoughts which he chooses mattered not. Found some lines made mushrooms and herbals it is that you can get at the local Herb shop which helps his general mood. It's just that certain stimulus can set Him off on a rant. Right now hes just very scattered Brained on keeping things memorized and organized. Funny thing is he happens to keep me mentally organized when we're out Shopping😄

Thank you for the video

I don't know any about any kind of bipolar, can I ask, is it typical to see psychosis-like symptoms? Also do you notice that your behaviour is unusual compared to your past behaviours when a manic episode is happening? I clearly see how you might now be able to deal with it even if you knew, but did you know or not? I hope the question is understandable

The only good thing I can say is that I can write books. But my life is hell. I have both Schizophrenia and Bipolar. Nice combo lol

Thanks for your video! The bay behind Ocean City is not particularly gross

Wasn’t your brother aware of your mental condition? It seems he would have notified your dad or tried to get you help.

I’m not hearing a manic episode. Hallucinating only in the dark is not a hallucination.

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Yes and not everyone wants to know what's going on with you so they never had good intent if they had questions then ask God damn communication is key as an adult I cannot blame me for your childish assuming anymore don't wanna know how to help or how to understand bye 😂