My Spouse Is Having An Affair 

(0:00) Your spouse is having an affair, and it hurts. All kinds of questions are going through your mind, including "Why, why is this happening? How could it happen? Is there something wrong with me, is there something wrong with my husband, my wife? Is the world going absolutely crazy?"
And then there are a lot of people in your world who've given you all kinds of answers, trying to explain to you why your spouse is doing this or that, or the other.
Unfortunately, a lot of what they're telling you is wrong, and it's certainly not helpful.
Let's talk about it. How do you understand your spouse when he's having an affair?
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Now, in this particular situation, how do you understand your spouse when he or she is having an affair? I'll try to help understand that in just a moment, but I the first question you should ask yourself is this: "Is my spouse a good person doing a bad thing or a bad person doing a bad thing?"
I'm saying that an affair is a bad thing, and I'm sure that you, since you're the one being cheated on, feel the same way. You probably are thinking, “I don't like this, this is bad, my husband/my wife should not be doing this,” and I would agree wholeheartedly.
But, if you're going to try to figure out why he or she is doing it, that's almost implying you want to fix this. I'm all for people fixing their marriages, even when their spouse is having an affair. That's why our non-profit, Marriage Helper, exists.
Sometimes you need to ask that question up front, “Is my spouse a good person doing a bad thing or a bad person doing a good thing?”
If indeed your spouse is a bad person, it means he or she, for a long period of time, has demonstrated no integrity. They have done one bad thing after another, after another, almost from the time that you've been married. You cannot trust him or her, ever.
Now, don't confuse that with the fact that whatever he or she is doing right now is a bad thing. If you focus on what he or she is doing right now, you will probably deem your spouse as a “bad person.” But, think beyond that. Think about who he or she was when you married; who he or she has been during the course of your marriage. If indeed your spouse is a good person at heart, again not right now because he or she is doing this thing that's hurting you, but if your spouse is at heart a good person, then this marriage is likely worth rescuing.
Now, it's your choice, obviously, if your spouse is cheating on you, to divorce him or her; however if you choose to try to rescue this marriage, then it makes sense to try to understand “why” he or she is doing “what” he or she is doing. Avoid false diagnosis.
You say, what do you mean by that? Well, there are a lot of people in your world, a lot more on the Internet; particularly people in social media groups who'll have all the answers about why your husband or wife is doing what he or she is doing, what will happen next, and what you should do. You should avoid those people, because they will diagnose your spouse (most without even knowing him or her). And, even the people close to you, who love you, such as your parents, siblings, and close friends will make diagnoses as well. But be careful about trusting those people because they love you. What I mean by that is since you’re hurt those people will be angry at the person that hurt you, and they're going to be quite judgemental to do that.
So if you’re trying to decide if my spouse is a good person or a bad person, don't let other people tell you what that is. Not strangers, not friends, not loved ones. Be careful, please be careful, about trying to make your own diagnosis from what you read on the Internet.
(3:54) Recently a lady, (she is a good person-I'm not trying to make her sound bad) heard one word she thought applied to her husband. So, she started looking up on the Internet and reading about that word. This word led her to another word, the particular word narcissist, and she read all she could read about it. Then, she decided that he must be a narcissist based on what she'd read on the Internet. And then, she read that most narcissists are into things like pornography, and therefore, she decided he must be.
Look, only a trained, qualified professional who has had several visits with the person, diagnose somebody as being narcissistic. You can't do it by reading what they say on the Internet.
Want more? This free guide will teach you the 7 things you need to know when saving your marriage from an affair. See your.marriagehelper.com/spouse...