"My story growing up and leaving Hasidism" | In Conversation with Eli Benedict 

amen, amen, amen!

You should try connecting with ex cult/ex fundamentalist group members. You'd be surprised how much we have in common. How much you'll learn about yourself. Truly. We are a family❤ Especially those of us who are shunned by family and/or the community we grew up with. Everything we ever knew.

@@annabizaro-doo-dah you have link ? I can't find it

I don't think you'd feel alone if you actually investigated deep down why you left. When a person finds truth in his actions,he feels empowered and not alone. It's when he doubts his actions that he feels the need for validation and company in his crime. There is nothing outside of yiddishkeit that is beneficial or will serve you well in the long term. Hashem put you where you needed to be and gave you ( and all of us) challenges to overcome in that bubble he placed you. Freedom is not without discipline, it is only the discipline THAT ACTUALLY SETS YOU FREE! And that is a thought to contemplate. Hashem specifically made the wise choices for us out of ALL THE CHOICES YOU THINK ARE AVAILABLE...so you don't have to bother figuring out what's best. His Infinite WISDOM and kindness bestowed a gift upon you, that you don't appreciate at the moment..and that's where you need help. Hatzlacha. May Hashem bring clarity into focus. He loves you. Never forget.

@@annabizaro-doo-dah Judaism is NOT A CULT NOR FUNDAMENTALIST..it is a G-d given... Thank you kindly.

Yeah that makes a lot of sense!

Sounds amazing!

Great comment - thank you!

🌳😃🩵💙🩵@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

Yeah, looking back at that video makes me feel better. It was a sweeter time. Now it feels like everywhere I go there is anger and resentment to the Jews. 💔

I agree the world was changed in October. The media seems to forget quickly who started this how many innocent people were killed. Keep up the wonderful videos. You are changing hearts and minds !

🌳🩵💙🩵😇🩵💙🩵💙🌳🌳🌳💙🩵💙🩵🌳🌳🌳@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

Tyler, thanks for the comment. I did feel like it was too personal, but Eli is so generous with his life story, he is so forthcoming and he was so wonderful about it.

Thank you for this comment. Eli is a beautiful soul and it was surprising and heartbreaking to hear his story and the pain he holds.

Dearest Maralyn, you are not wrong about your comments of concern and there are those who are trying to raise these issues and reform the education status. After everything, this society values boys studying tremendously to the point that it could take away (imo) from healthy development / exercise / etc especially after age 13.

They are afraid that the boys will be curious about secular things and want phones and sports and regular books and be assimilated and talk to girls and go off the derech. So they study Torah all day and have no time for anything else. Not balanced and very sheltered

Eli is wonderful. Thanks for your thoughts!!

🌳🌳🩵😇🩵@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklynI'm interested in converting to Orthodox Judaism

This is my story too... People have a hard time understanding this...

Thank you Deborah!

Thank you for all your comments; Eli’s story is so HUMAN.

I hope you’ll eventually know a few ‘heimish’ Yiddish words from my channel :)

Thank you!

Thank you so much; I feel like Eli is a kindred spirit in a way. I love talking to him. Also, I’d love to come to Chesky’s in Montreal to try their famous kosher bakery goods! Maybe one day…

Thank you so much for sharing. It’s heartbreaking and eye opening to hear how little kids in such terrible situations can go through life desperate to cope with the best tools they can figure out. I watched a bit of Joseph Kraus too. I feel like there should be much more support but sadly there are just bureaucratic opportunists organizations that often are more hype than help.

In Israel there is what is called the michlalah haharadi - haradi college - which trains haradi men (and in a separate school also woman) who lack some of the backround to go to regular higher education. But it isn't really geared for those who are otd - rather those who want to leave kollel and get an occupation. In Israel in general there are many higher education options for all the different religious communities that take into account their needs for a religious environment. Those that lack backround because they grew up in the haradi school system and then went otd could fit in in micinot - schools that do highschool equivalency for those that dropped out.

@@rivkamargolis7368 interesting! Thanks.

I hope so. We are in talks about it!

I hope so too; I feel Eli’s pain.

I am also surprised to find friends in the area😲

@@elibenedict4858 a small community of israelis here on south shore. we often do outing with kids. Your family is welcome to join us. Let me know if you are interested:))

@@elibenedict4858 there are few Israeli families on south shore. We do family outings with kids sometimes. Your family is welcome to join us if interested. Let me know 😉😊

Thank you sooooo much Joe!

I heard of a man in similar circumstances who began a one sided email conversation, knowing it would be years until his son could read it, yet able to provide proof when that time came of the father's continued wish for involvement and connection

What do you mean, I’ve done one with Sara Braun. I’ve asked a TON of people who are in the community. I know a few converts/joiners whom I wanted on. They haven’t agreed.

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn i am happy to do an interview. Trying to grow my RU-vid channel and they say colabs are key

Ha ha, awesome! Thank you for sharing. The Satmar Rebbe's stories always surprise. Was he a fanatic? Did he believe that authority was the be-all or end-all? Did he believe in rebbes as the center of the chasid's life or did he kind of look at personality worship as a bit suspect? I really can't figure it out.

such a great question. I plan on publishing an audio-only episode on my podcast ‘Hasidic Judaism Explored’ where I cover this subject. But in the meantime, I suggest you check out my video of my Hasidic school curriculum. ‘what i learned as a hasidic girl’ is the title I believe. I show there what I learned about Zionism being a secular movement. I can’t square it all myself, but then I’m not in the fold anymore and the Satmar ideology around Zionism completely makes no sense to me. But I have listened to Naturei Karta and many hardcore Satmar and I have come to understand that their faith is always so great, that no matter what you first foreground the text and the faith. And if it means waiting, you wait!

The Satmar are against secular zionism based on western values, they are not against theological zionism based on Torah values. The basic premise is that the Meshiach will return the people to Israel, and not that the people will return themselves, establishing a secular state in Israel. This is seen as chillul Hashem, a desecration of God's name. Thus they reject the secular state of Israel. The Talmud teaches that the reward for a mitzvah is 7x greater in the Holy Land, eretz hakodesh, likewise the punishment for a sin, an avarah, is 7x greater in eretz hakodesh compared to outside Israel, chotzla-aretz. Thus secular Sabbath desecrating Jews, for the sake of their souls, should be encouraged to leave Israel. How can one support a Jewish government in Israel that is allowing secular Jews to make aliyah, causing their sin to increase 7x?

thank you for your reply. I will check it out.@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

I got those videos from Eli in an mp4 file, I don’t know if they are online. Sorry!

I was unfamiliar with either. Thanks for teaching me!

Plus generational trauma. Such as children/ grandchildren of holocaust survivors. This is a category into which many chasidic people fall. A child may not want to tell his parents so as not to hurt them.

And remember that there were horrible pogroms before the holocaust. Understandable how that can ruin someone's nervous system and judgement.

Not mental illness. If they have mental illness it was caused by the abuse.

@@NeshamaNationalso some of the survivors were also made crazy with the complex PTSD and were not able build healthy relationships with their own children. So the children had enough spiritual common sense to seek healing outside when they reached maturity.

Hello. I did a livestream where I talked about it a bit. You have to go to my channel under "live" to see the video. It does not show up as a regular video. This is the first I hear of 24 children being hidden and there is absolutely nothing that I heard otherwise that would make me believe this was true. My guess is the rumors of child trafficking have spiraled into more and more made-up details and now some are talking about children hidden.

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn thanks I will watch that Livestream🌹.

Hahaha 24. Haha meshugene welt

Thank you!!!

Do Hasidic bes dins work the same as wherever female toanim would serve? I'm asking seriously - I've never even heard of a toanet.

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn As far as I know officially all the Beti Din are run by the Israeli Rabbanut. It's possible there are private beti din but they wouldn't have the same authority. From what I've seen if the population that appears in the Official beti Din - there are many hasidic and haridi couples that appear there. As to women Toanot - aprox 20yrs ago the Rabbanut officially permitted them and officiates / gives the qualifying exams to women as well as men. - understood that women might feel better represented by a woman.

After relistening to this clip what it sounds like to me is that a divorce agreement was arranged as if it was a mutual agreement and both sides signed off in it. In that kind of case then the bet din basically just ratifies the agreement. It sounds like as he says his toan was not really working for his interests. It's not clear exactly how long ago his divorce was but he could fight it ,but as he says he'd have to pay retroactive child support ( or at least some of it) and start paying monthy child support. ( What seems to have been the deal was he doesn't pay child support - not really legal, and in return he gives up visitation rights - also not really legal - and We're talking Jewish law ) I do differ on his judgement of Beti Din - my experience is most of the time they are very just and try and do the best for all the parties involved - but divorce itself is a messy often vindictive business and the sides tend to make it ugly.

@@rivkamargolis7368 I very much hear you. In NY the bes din does the get and won't do the legal divorce unless it's sort of arranged by the two parties to go outside of the legal system to bes din arbitration. That's why I guess I'm a little confused. Is in Israel the legal divorce system and religious divorce system one? I suppose yes.

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn In israel there is no such thing as a secular divorce -Jewish couples have to do the get process through the Bet Din. That said the other aspects of the divorce - child custody /child support and monetary agreements / division of assets can be done either by the bet Din or the secular court system. There is often a race between each of the couple to file first the case in the system they prefer to get jurisdiction. The main differences being: In the bet Din the case will be heard sooner ,will be quicker and will cost less usually because there is no requirement for lawyers ( or toanim - though toanim are usually cheaper than lawyers , though qualified lawyers can also appear in bet din - but often are less versed in how it works etc) Usually the amount of child support granted is less because the bet din calculates it somewhat differently the the secular court. The secular court the whole process will be more time consuming and will cost more in fees and lawyer bills Though they will often grant higher amounts of child support ( often unrealistic - so many ex husbands default or end up living out of their cars even with a good job to pay it.) Untill recently in neither court was the ex wife's income taken into account because according to Jewish law child support is solely the father's obligation. As said previously in any event they have to go to the bet din to arrange the get( the actual divorce) Usually the wife prefers the secular court and rhe husband the bet Din. The other option - which now both the secular court and the bet Din try to encourage is sending the couple to a family mediatir to work out a mutually acceptable divorce agreement - and as stated earlier if there is such an agreement the bet din radifies it and then goes through the process of the get either in the same session or say a week or 2 later.

Looking for justice can be retraumatizing all over again.

I believe it's his own personal twist on payos. Taking tradition and making it his own. That's my understanding... I hope I don't misrepresent

I always wonder what it would be like to live in Israel, where you don't have to make the same concerted effort to hold on to your Jewish identity/traditions/culture.

@FriedaVizelBrooklyn You should give it a try! Maybe plan to spend 1 month, especially during a holiday. It's a true eye-opening experience, and it will definitely broaden your definition of "who is a Jew and what does that mean?". Also, your videos are interesting Keep up yhe good work 👏

Yes, come to Tzfat☺️

there are actually two Jewish calendars. And one of them is out by 168 years. The essence of this religion seems to be murkiness,and conspiracy to destroy things that either the rabbis dont like or exposes them. To remove 168 years from the Persian era and claim that these 168 years never happened is just the same as removing 168 years from the history of any nation and claiming the events recorded and chronicled by others never really happened. Why the 168 years were removed from the Persian dynasty, of which the captive and exiled Jews in Babylon were a major historic part of , is a query then that is rebuffed, attempted to explain away by endless confusing and contradictory arguments , or , as the orthodox rabbis always claim. they are always and forever right, and even the entire educated ,scholastic world is wrong. Then comes the tickler. Rashi claims if the rabbis say right is left and right is left, one must always obey the rabbis. But the rabbis themselves dont agree on much, do they? R Eliezer was excommunicated from the Talmud religion because of his reasoning in the Talmudic legend of Akhnai. So who is right and who is wrong. What is truth, if there are 2 rabbis with 2 conflicting opinions? Truth becomes murky, a system where an obvious lie can become twisted into an uncontestable fact. A ruling screaming mob can claim truth because of the majority. Even GD himself can be told to shut up, since wasnt He the one who entrusted them with Torah, and even a bat kol from heaven doesnt mean anything, according to the flawed interpretation of Deutoronomy 30:12?

You have a very good point and I appreciate you adding this.

No doubt - terribly heartbreaking, doubly so because he tried to do something but wasn't believed.

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn-That is called gaslighting.

you dont actually beleive what St John warned about in 1 John 2:22-23, if you "respect" all religions. You cannot be part of lies and antichristianity of other religions.

Can you explain how you see a bubble here? A narrative? I'm curious.

So many things. I stopped counting. I'll bring an example: he describes the people in the community as assuming that everyone who leaves must have a problem. According to his own narrative this isn't true. While he makes no strong argument why his narrative is correct, he assumes the people inside simply live in a bubble thinking that leaving must be related to some kinda problem (...because they simply believe their way of life is true, so they can't contemplate the possiblity that someone might leave for other reasons...). Let's consider the actual position he took and the community and judge which one is correct based on true factors. The price one pays in order to leave is huge (the emotional connection to what you have been used to since birth, family bonds, the lack of grooming to live outside, all that is severed with a painful blow).The gain isn't clear from the outset, even if it works out later. Any normal person, even if he doesn't subscribe to the way of life he was born into, has the option of remaining inside and find their way around stuff. Something must be driving someone to risk all that, and put themselves in a situation in which they'll clearly lose many things for certain and not be sure to gain much. Now since we assume that people are not stupid, we believe that something must have gone wrong inside the community with that person that changed the odds, in which they stand clearly to gain from leaving that outweighed all that they stood to lose. What does he put agaisnt this very reasonable argument. Almost nothing. He simply claims that his experience was different. But, first, how does he conclude from a single case that this is the rule? Second, more importantly, why must I believe him? If it was the case that he left due to issues he faced, he had all the reasons in the world to present it differently. He might even be fooling himself, since it's hard for people to admit such a thing. Even if it's true, and he's not fooling neither himself nor me, he might be the exception to the rule, an outlier, not something that's indicative of the norm. But it's much easier to tell yourself that you're right and the other one simply created a narrative that suits him. Indeed, someone did create a narrative here, the question is just who it is.

My friend, you are a bit much!

Just being honest..

Totally agree with you. Many frum people, Chassidishe people included, do both.

Okay, fair point. I mean to say that until the “chill chosid” there was not a lot of mobility option, and it was either leaving or staying all the way. Now there’s another option, allowing for leaving all the way to be less appealing.

They are staying because they can't leave. 😂 cut the ball shit, I was also there once. Freida is right.

​@user-yh7jh4dr9v it may be your experience, but it is not the experience for most "chill Chassidim ". They can leave if they want to, but they don't because they do believe in God and Judaism but they just want the "Judaism light" version.

Not gonna argue - secular public schools are full of problems. But this man was molested and then no justice was served. Can't you empathize with his ambivalence of having his child in that same system?

@@FriedaVizelBrooklynHis primary obligation is to his child. Finding a place where he can entrust his child is a huge challenge and I can only applaud his courage and commitment. His survival skills as an abused child is remarkable and truly, he saved his own life. He truly was faking nothing, he was horribly injured.

Encouraging sexual organ chopping and sterilization are one of the "emotional tools" students get in public school.

א שיינעם דאנק פאר די טייערע ווערטער!

Did you not listen? She left the house, she went to her parents, and THEY hid her and the baby away.