My Teenager is Lying 

I have the same situation even with things we are ok with. For example meeting with a guy. We explained her that we prefer the true and that it is ok if she meets with a guy that she like we just want to know to ensure it is safe. 😢 it is so difficult and make me so sad that she doesn’t trust us to tell us the truth😢

Do you constantly yell or scream at your child?

@@kingofkings69ner I don’t ever yell. Never. I’m too quiet and maybe that’s the problem. I’m too easy going.

Yes, teenagers know that parents cannot control what they say and therefore cannot control whether they lie or not. And the decades that I’ve been doing this work I would say the vast majority of teenagers actually really do care that they’re lying to their parents and they don’t want to. So the question for parents to ask is why is my child lying to me? What is she afraid of? Then see if we can address her fears so that she can possibly be more open and honest with us.

This is the same for my situation. I don’t understand it!

I understand completely my 14 year old boy does it for the stupidest reasons, I took the phone, the internet, and the game. all he does now is come into the family room and watch tv with us. Sucks for him🥱 They do it because they think they have rights over who pays the mortgage, health insurance, etc. Parents always have the upper hand because we pay everything.

I’m glad you found the video helpful.

In the same situation with our 16 yo son...the lies keep piling up and it's even to the point where he's told mom "idgaf I'll just do what I have to do" revolving around seeing his girlfriend while grounded for other bad choices (vaping/alcohol) but even with these discussions he continues to lie to do what he wants. It feels impossible right now 😔

Ugh so annoying! I get it!

@@SEEKANDDESTROY717 he's at the point you just gotta let it go. If he's responsible enough to get away with it life continues peacefully. If not hell get a DUI and learn the hard way. Sounds like he's in real love, sounds like he's got nerves of steel. As out of line as "IDGAF I do what I gotta do" is that's a statement from a kid that the world will NOT eat alive. You've raised a man, most parents of boys raise overgrown children. Good job. EXCELLENT JOB! Our milleneal and younger generations did not/will not come into the world you did. Parents deny this like Kennedy denied inhaling while simultaneously watching RU-vid on pocket sized super computers. If parents do this imagine what boomer bosses do? Getting promotions and raises and keeping your job doesn't work by hanging your head and yes sir no sir anymore. In fact they rarely fire they antagonize you into quiting so as to save on unemployment. You keep your job by "doing what you gotta do" You keep your blood sugar from bottoming out by "'IDGAF' Im eating your a d***" ("no I'm not I do this to everyone") "ok so your a d*** to everyone" (taking about key holders not salaried managers) You get raises by "your wrong I know how to do it better" (and then actually doing it better) You get promotions by 90% asking and 10% earning and during the wait it's "ok whatever you say hahahahah" calculating how expensive the managers mistake was and informing there supervisor. (Warning: you'll need some experience and certification classes to do this one correctly) And you avoid being killed by exhaustion by being good enough to still elicit a "h*** yeah ****** is here" but causing enough problems to get your boss mad enough to cut you down to just shy of full time. (It's not like most states offer decent benefits anyway) Anyway your kid may have a hard knock or two ahead of him. But seems like you have him strong enough to take a knock and smart enough to learn from it. And by the way you strike me as an otherwise awesome parent but shame on you for separating young love. Grounded is parental house arrest if you want him to stop sneaking out let her come visit even jail and real house arrest allows that

@@SEEKANDDESTROY717 what YOU do is pat your self on the back for raising a loyal lover that takes no s***

Hi Gloria, thank you for your comment. I’m sorry that you are struggling with your daughter right now. I can hear how painful it is for you. This is a big question that involves a thorough answer… One that is hard to write in a single comment. My answer would be individually based on your daughter’s personality and your relationship with her. I would recommend a one on one parent coaching session with me. You can fill out the contact form on my website: barbsteinberg.com. I would also recommend the book “Positive Discipline for teenagers” by Nelsen and Lot.

Ask him why he was afraid to ask you. Usually it’s because they want to get their way and they don’t want to hear no. So maybe there’s a compromise there. What will he need so that he can be more honest with you? Great question to ask him and discuss.

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m glad to hear that the video was helpful.

Great! Good luck, John!

@BarbSteinbergLMSW thank you, I'm letting my daughter sleep for another hour and then speak to her and her boyfriend , I wanted to do the comparison with letting teens stay outt late till 5 am should I do that

So glad to hear it!

You are most welcome!!