My Traumatizing LDS Bishop Interview Experience - Kayla Mikesell 

And the Mormon church washes its hands regarding youth suicides from guilt shaming.

Can we talk about the fact that these types of interviews continue in to adulthood??!!! I was 42 and dragged in to a bishop's office where I was questioned about being seen with a man other than my husband early one morning supposedly coming out of a hotel. Supposedly another member reported it and told the bishop that my husband and I were in an open relationship! I denied it since none of it was true, but the idea that my bishop felt he had the right to ask about my sex life and that some troll of member felt the need to lie on me was horrifying, embarrassing and inappropriate!

I come from a fundamentalist Christian background. I went through something kind of similar. When I was in high school I came home from hanging out at a friends house to find my living room filled with all the women and pastor from my church. Apparently, they were there to give me an intervention because my mom read in my journal about me fooling around sexually with a boy I was seeing. They had my diary out and were reading it aloud to show me what a bad person I was. I was 17 and he was the first person I had ever been sexual with. I was beyond mortified and had to keep attending church with all of those women. After this happened I started cutting and using drugs just to numb the pain. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to go through these kinds of scenarios. It’s hard to heal from and I’m still working on getting past the religion-induced abuse I endured. Peace to everyone. Let’s make the world a better place.

I’m so glad that her parents can see how they hurt her and admit to it. I WISH my parents could recognize and just acknowledge what they did and understand that it wasn’t okay instead of behaving as if I’m remembering it wrong.

This is such a sad story but I am impressed at the mom’s ability to admit her mistakes and support her daughter now.

I'm in tears right now because I literally feel like I'm watching my exact story come out of a strangers mouth! I feel this so deeply and it's oddly comforting to know that I'm not alone. Irreversible damage has been done to so many of us!!!

If some 70 year old man pulled a 14 year old girl into a room alone with him and then proceeded to ask her sexually explicit questions, he would be arrested and labeled a pedophile . But these dirty old men are legally allowed to do this under the guise of the church. There needs to be legal ramifications for things like this , don't let them hide behind the church.

When I was 16 my bishop asked me if I was "morally clean" I said yes. He then asked if I touch myself and I'm thinking... Wouldn't you like to know you sicko? I was visibility upset and told him no. I remember telling him how I had a problem with how the church handles homosexuality as well, because I felt that they don't choose to be that way. Then he asks me if I'm gay. (I'm not I just have empathy asshole) That was one of the last straws for me. I'm now 37.

I’d be horrified too. My dad would not be. My dad MADE my sister go to the bishop at 16 and “confess” to what happened. And the creep wanted explicit details. I had no idea for years how graphic his questions were. No wonder my sister left the church THAT day and moved out before she finished high school. My sister was strong. And is now even stronger 30 years later! Screw these awful old men and the mormon church.

Members, if you believe in the church, that’s great. But stop giving bishops this amount of power. This is disgusting. These conversations should not be taking place, especially between a 14 year old girl.

How do we get to a point in our lives where we let a bishop be God? This is so sad, and so disgusting. One thing I’ve learned, I need NO ONE between me and God. Thank you Kayla!

Amazed at that mom able to admit where she messed up 😮😮

Explain to me how a GROWN MAN asking detailed sex questions, or questions about masturbation to a MINOR is not legally considered "improper conduct with a minor"? And why its not considered sexual harassment toward an adult?

This is exactly the reason why I left the church and my boyfriend is exploring it and I told him if he’s going to join I can’t be with him. It’s just too traumatic

I feel seen & heard. I went through these very same things with a bishop, LDS counselor that shared private info with my parents who judged me, punished me and never took the time to listen, and ending up suicidal. I’m 25 and still struggling to find the light for my tunnel

I am not Mormon but I am shocked. This situation needed to be handled privately, with understanding and compassion. Shaming does not work. It can leave lasting scars on this young lady or anyone experiencing a situation such as this. My heart goes out to this family.

This is really important for me to hear, hearing such a similar story to mine. I was punished to this extent for having a boyfriend from when I was 14-17, but we never even had sex it was just the fact that I was in a serious steady relationship before I was 16/an adult. I was kicked out of my home in order to move schools away from my boyfriend at the time, ripped away my friends and the person I loved most at the time. I had gotten incredibly suicidal and completely isolated myself at my new school for at least a year. My mother never gave me privacy, space, or any option to make my own choices. I haven't watched the whole interview but I'm glad that the mother has at least come around and recognized her mistakes, my mother never did that nor apologized.

I have PTSD from my bishop and parents. My bishop attempted a sexual act on me at 16. My parents told me not to tell anyone because, no one would believe me. I felt disgusting. At 21, I had sex with my fiancé. I survived my parents livid disappointment. I was called everything from slut to whore by my mother. She screamed at me thru my bedroom door for weeks. I was thrown in front of my father and told I was a disappointment. I learned I was pregnant and she tried to hit me in my stomach to maybe abort the baby, but I blocked her. I am so grateful to my hubby because we eloped and I got out of the situation. Of course, the bishop called me in and I had to be judged to be able to remain in the church. I’m pretty messed up. I’m 48 and my parents still don’t accept my husband.

This. Needs. To. Stop. Thank you for being so open. Because of my situation, I am silenced. But I hope this reaches thousands of people.

For any members of the church watching this and thinking the bishop was just a 'bad apple'. Read the comments. This is not a unique situation. Also, even if the bishop only asks the one question without probing - "Do you keep the law of chastity?". That is still a sexually related question being asked by an adult to a MINOR. That sort of behavior is widely condemned in society, yet members accept it here. If you think this is okay, you need to step back and check your morality.

I grew up a non-Mormon in Sandy, Utah. I'm now 45, and my mom only recently learned that I came _very_ close to suicide in junior high. Life was _that_ hard as an someone _outside_ the LDS Church in Utah. I can only _imagine_ how hard it is to be treated as an outsider while being stuck _inside_ (especially knowing many of your peers are, in fact, lying hypocrites).

This is horrific to put a 14 year old through.

I am so sorry you went through this lack of caring and disgusting behavior from the bishop and your parents. I was also treated and shamed the same way by my bishop, ward, and family. I just barely at 42 dealt with the trauma with the help of Mormom stories amd not feeling alone with my very supportive husband. Needless to say it drove me away from the church at 16 and I am forever grateful for that! Much love and support to you! You did nothing wrong, you deserve happiness.

Exactly how the JWs elders conduct their Judicial Committees. And it is the same reasoning, damage and trauma --no matter the age. Disgusting and inexcusable.

“The church should’ve fixed it, but it didn’t. It just made it even worse”. Sums it up. Mormonism.

I’m so sorry, that this young lady was publicly shamed for a natural part of growing up.

For me growing up in salt lake being a mixed race kid and going to church was horrible dealing with racism and always being called the N word etc and being told Im not wanted!!! these are just some of the reasons my family left the church!!!

All of us mormon girls went through this abuse 😔 very hard to ever feel comfortable after that trauma.

This breaks my heart for Kayla - oh my gosh. You’re so smart, beautiful and so worthy Kayla! Never again let anyone tell you any different!!

As a non-member I had to have a bishop's interview when I applied to BYU for college. I was asked very explicit, personal sexual questions, which I couldn't have cared less about at the time. When I got to BYU I was AMAZED at my roommates and dorm mates who were PREOCCUPIED with sex. Whispers and giggles and stories about "what they heard about sex" -- so ridiculous. I didn't last long at BYU, not because of sexual activity, but I didn't fit it.

What??? 14???? That Bishop would be picking himself up off the floor toothless if that was my daughter. Disgusting!!!!!!!’

The same thing happened to me. I absolutely know exactly what you went through. I'm now 42 and I am in therapy for how I was treated at 15 in the church. The shame is finally going away. It haunted me for so long. I stopped going to church when I was 20 but my whole family is still very active. We are a family of 6 generation lds. I'm so happy I stumbled upon this video

And other members will say it’s not the whole church. But it’s funny how I hear it happing all the time, myself included

The saddest part about it all is that young mormon girls have sexual experiences young because they are forced upon us then we don’t know how to stand up for ourselves against men. We aren’t taught to be confident, only that we have to do whatever men want to be loved and accepted. I’m so glad I finally had my records removed. I didn’t realize how deep it affected my life. How can we even know who we really are after that?

Yup, I went to my Bishop after telling him in a note that I watched porn and he didn't punish me, he didn't ask for any details, we just had a normal conversation about how I was doing. It was so nice, and it really helped my relationship with the church, it made me feel closer to God. So punishments definitely do NOT work!!

Thank you so much for posting videos like this. My kids are still made to endure these ridiculous interviews but I can show them your videos and warn them of what could happen. I’ve given them my permission to tell a bishop to F off and walk out if the questions get inappropriate. This podcast has been so helpful to me and my family. Please don’t stop.

This is so wrong on so many levels. I am so sorry you experienced this. I too experienced “forced repentance” and it is so very shaming and traumatic.

I’m a mom and I just could never publicly shame my children. Shame is truly evil; it’s never from love as it’s meant to control. My heart breaks. Good people will do good things, bad people will do bad things, it takes something like religion to get good people to do bad things.

It can happen at 37 and I did that interview with a Stake Pres. that asked tons of deep personal questions and especially details of the events that went way too far. I felt anger and hatred for that man for quite some time. The shame and guilt were put on high octane. Not good for human emotional progress.

Just got listening to this podcast, my heart goes out to you both! Mormon stories and Natasha Helfer helped me so much to deconstruct Mormonism and the unhealthy relationships it creates

The mom saying the fact that she was suicidal sounded like a “tactic” makes me so upset. I am not religious but I have been suicidal in my life and when people treat it like I just want attention or I should “just cheer up” cuz it’s a bummer to them (people in my own family), it is so unbelievably lonely and unfair.

Oh, I hate it. In a similar situation, I felt that one of the bishop’s counselors was so inquisitive and his line of questioning felt completely sick and almost gloating to me. The Bishop had to call him off. Humiliating and disgusting. So hard.

What an incredible story - thank you to both women so vulnerable and honest. The part about her brother made me want to cry (happy tears).

This goes to show that while the lds church abuses gender and sexual minorities - it the does the same thing to their youth and their membership in general. I grew up in Provo, UT/the mormon church during the 80's. I remember one friend telling me that when she went through a similar experience as this woman did - that the bishop questioned her in such a way that it gave her the impression he was attempting to get material for masturbatory purposes later. I am so glad that because I am as queer as a three dollar bill, I stopped going to church before I experienced any of this, or the weirdness of the masonic temple rituals.🤢😡

Thank you John for bringing this information to the public. This isn't the only time we've heard that kids have been asked sexually explicit questions of teenagers. You mentioned the intent of the church and I understand what you're saying but doesn't it seem like borderline pedophile behavior? I know that sounds extreme but it seems like there should be some legal avenue to bring charges against Bishops or whoever that does this type of thing.....behind closed doors. Shaming doesn't work no matter who is doing it.

I genuinely don’t understand how an avalanche of disdain and judgement is supposed to help anyone. Especially when it’s directed to one party exponentially more than the other. What makes anyone think that severely shunning a person is going to make them want to remain in that group? How do they not see the harm they cause?

Earth to Kayla, you are wonderful, you were never broken, and you have a beautiful life ahead, grab it and go girl!

This story is mind-boggling! How people can put up with that cult-like behavior of a Bishop interfering in a family's private business is absolutely incomprehensible! How in the world are these old men allowed to do this? Psychological difficulties, severe ones where even suicide can be the result,, should be dealt with by psychologists -- not some Church Bishops! Sad, pathetic and appalling.

In the context of what Russell M Nelson said yesterday in General Conference about abuse I will note that children & teenagers aren't really taught boundaries in the religion. The conditioning [grooming] is to accept the demands / calls of religious leaders and there's not a religiously prescribed opportunity for the lay member in any circumstance to say "No. You're out of bounds- I'm done- I'm not answering..." And that's one BIG edit with the new "For The Strength of the Youth" manual that must still be made: "Bishop's, Stake Presidents, and other leaders aren't trained professional counselors. If you aren't ready to discuss something with them, don't want to discuss something, or reach a point in discussion where you are done, or don't want to answer, then you have that right to not answer. You have that right to say no. You have that right to leave and not be compelled to stay by that leader, your parents, or any other adult. You have the right to address any problems that arise separately with licensed professional counselors, appropriately law enforcement, and other resources appropriate to the situation completely separate of the church if that is what you desire." It's just as applicable for any adult regardless of gender. What is agreed to behavior by both parties in a marriage is completely out of bounds for religious authority to question or advise.

The problem she had stems from being involved in a cult that put's it'sself between it's members and God. The church has replaced God in the lives of it's members, the church system is apostate, and the members harmed in the process. I would have advised her to turn and run as fast as she could away from that church and anybody in her life that follows their disasterous program. Thank's John for continuing with these bradcasts as they do help bring an end to this cult.

This young lady went through hell. All my last bishop did was turn his back on me and being disabled did not help. It was like they wanted nothing more to do with me because someone I thought I could trust with my sexuality would stab my back. It's been four years now and I have never gone back to either the last ward or any chapel for that matter. So much for being an inclusive kingdom of God. I no longer practice, believe, attend or want anything to do with the church. Glad I gave myself the permission to be my own man. Life's been good since then. You want my story in full, I'm open to be invited.

Thanks for sharing this insanely difficult story. This is really the only way to generate any momentum to change church practices like this.

I've been wondering for the past several months about what happened with my bishop meeting when I was 13, only remember one question and that was when he asked me

Amazing podcast. I thought Kelly’s description of finding out about the essays (and the fact they contained info different than she had been taught or was teaching) was EXTREMELY powerful. Also her confronting her Bishop husband with the same logic was amazing (he has served a mission, steak ym Presidency, bishop, etc. but didn’t know those things). Captured my frustration perfectly. It wasn’t any one piece of info that made me leave, but the fact that the Church had not been honest with me about it’s history (and in fact whitewashed it and misled me). Wonder if that could be turned into a RU-vid video. If so, MS, respond to this and I’d be happy to donate $50 to help make it happen.

a 14 year old can't take sacrament? that's ridiculous.

Thank you for your openness and sharing. I know this could not have been easy to relive, but sharing your story can help others. Blessed be as you continue your journey. I am what I respectfully call a "recovering Mormon" at nearly 60. If only I had been able to share my story and be validated in my feelings, so much would have been different in my life. Thank you again, and know you are not alone!

What a normal person she is, thrown in what seems like an unwinnable situation. I hope she is still winning against these perverts and their perverted system.

Not being "allowed" to take the sacrament, defeats the entire purpose of the sacrament.

This is so unsettling. I grew up in the Mormon church as well. It’s an interesting thing because you want to be mad at these parents who sit passively while these things happen, and encourage it even. But then when you’ve experienced things personally and you KNOW these people, more than that you Know that could’ve been you if you hadn’t reformed your beliefs at an early age.. you have to have compassion for those parents. They are just people too who have been indoctrinated for years, decades.

I can must certainly relate to this young lady. I had similar situations where I was forced not to take the sacrament because I did things which were considered grievous. Now being an adult I see things differently now. The one thing that really, really angered me about the church is that it is full of Hypocrisy and fear. When I finally read the Bible in its full context and not little verses taken out of context (which I think almost every religion does) I soon realized the Atonement or sacrament was not prepared for the righteous, but for the sinners. I soon discovered that worthiness is impossible and it is by Jesus Christ we are saved. The Church is full of Hypocrites, it's full of judgemental people and the majority of them are extremely Arrogant.

I would go in if the bishop or any priesthood holders need to meet with my daughter!!! They have too much power and some can even abuse their power!

I have been through several of those interviews. I'm not sure why some of them want specific details. And then I have been in interviews that are basically like "how are you doing"? I would be like things are fine and that would be about it.

As a tear drops from my eye, I remember those hurtful condemning words from the Bishop. We the abandoned, have lost so much from a the Church that claims Families will be together Forever, by the judgements thrust upon us. The damage is repairable to the heart they have destroyed.

This needs 3 million views.

And Mom! Heroically taking it all! Good for her! Mothers who can hear the “Mommie Dearest stories” are heroic.

Heartbreaking. So sad to lose those tender and beautiful years where you explore your feelings and emotions for another person. My dating life was non existent bc I was too shy. Couldn't date til 16 so I didn't gain any social skills with girls. Thanks for sharing!

I can relate to you as i felt abused by these bishops who wanted too many details. It was like bishops were getting off on their information. Ugh.

These stories crush my heart. I’m so so sorry. Tscc makes me so angry.

Bless your heart Kayla. This was very difficult to listen to. It’s pretty sad what the guys can get away with in the cult. Masogyny will always be the motive for the brethren.

Questioning about explicit sexual Encounters with the 14 years old is not well intended questioning

I am genetically and biologically an intersexed hermaphrodite and I also just went through a very traumatizing experience with the bishop and president. I am completely straight and heterosexual male, but I was ostracized and traumatized by the church just recently for the past four weeks due to my biological condition

“I thought it was a manipulative tactic to defer her bad behavior” k but why did my secular parent react to me being suicidal like this. What

Absolutely disgusting that made this poor girl go through! Bishop is horrible man who I am sure enjoyed it! Kayla I am sorry you had to go through that, my heart breaks for you and everyone who has had to endure this type of treatment.

This is the sad side of the reality of Church discipline. When members and formal members have had to carry on with the guilt for so many years either will never be active again. In my life i remember having my membership threatened a few times by a Bishop as their scare tactic, basically I just didn't feel like playing a blackmail game anymore, so then i wrote a letter to the Stake President, asking for Excommunication. The church court convened and i have not been a member since the early 1990's. Even though i didn't get forgiveness from the church, but a big burden felt it has been removed for me. Yes A few times I would try and make a comeback, but it kind of lost its luster from me. I am not seeking to destroy the church, but have stuck up for it cause of my active family members cause I know it is a part of their lives. So I repect it in that sense, but pretty much leave it a lone the rest of the time.

Love this show!

What kind of formal training do these bishops receive? How many of them have degrees in counseling, psychology? Anything that qualifies them to dole out "advice"? I hope you are continuing to find healing. You are very worthy of living a rich, full life.

I had a very similar experience. I was also 14. I’m so sorry. It was traumatic for me too.

My Son and his GF got pregnant at age 14. Baby was born. Adopted by a wonderful couple. It was absolutely traumatizing to so many. But we adore our beautiful granddaughter. We love her. We love her parents. We adore the birth parents as well.

Absolute abuse ..... I am so sorry you had to experience such pain. So so many people have to go through these ordeals. I pray you are healing and can feel how precious you are. 'In the name of Jesus Christ' .... I don't think so! x

oh my god i saw her at prideeeeeee slc back in june

When I turned 12 and had my first private bishops interview my bishop asked me if I’d had my period yet??? Fast forward a few years and I had my first sexual experience with a boy and my dad made me confess to my bishop. My dad said he would kick me out if I didn’t confess and repent. My bishop asked me the same kinds of questions: how many times, did I like it, oral, positions etc. This church is crazy, but it’s protected by money and a fleet of lawyers so I doubt much will change.

This breaks my heart

The fact that so many people have reported the church saving these kinds of confessions... I'm shook

I was married to a Mormon woman for 20 years. From my experiences and what I witnessed, the LDS church is extremely intrusive and controlling. I my case the LDS church sought to assume authority over me and my household. The leaders injected themselves into decision making that should be the business of the married adult couple. The bombardment of legalese and constraints ultimately lead to the divorce. And I'm glad to be free of it.

And you thought only the JW’s were experts at Shaming.

When you read the scriptures on confessing one's sins, it was never supposed to be in private to a bishop or priest so you could be shamed. It was supposed to be a confession to the body of the church so that other members could help you through your struggles. It is supposed to work similarly to group therapy. The fact that so many churches get this wrong is rather scary and disappointing to me.

How traumatising (nothing less than a public shinning and at NO TIME should a young person of either gender ever be in a private conversation with someone of the opposite gender, especially without their parents! We are instructed biblically to go to our brothers and sisters in LOVE when someone has sinned.

who do these old men think they are

I’m crying for you! It is terrible and it will never worse . This was hell . It is better from now on . Please don’t delete my comments. Please

Wouldn’t it help for the bishop interview to have a female assistant in the room?

Beyond horrendous. How can any “church” treat ANYONE so badly? Despicable!

is she related to the Mikesell youtube vloggers>??

This interview needed to include the mothers realization how her daughter was psychologically destroyed. Did the mother finally recognize how Mormonism was hurting her, did she leave the Mormons.

They marked her with a scarlet letter for everyone to know.

I spent 5 years listening to one of my former bishops profess his undying devotion to the church every time he addressed the congregation, not long after he was released he completely and totally left it all behind. So this is my question and maybe someone can help me out, all the sins and confessions he heard do they go with him, do they go down the drain, do they come back to the individual to help with their continued guilt, do they get passed on somewhere or do they don’t matter and never did matter. Glad I never said more the 25 words to the guy if even that many, his position meant nothing to me then and even less now. Funny how I live my life just fine without meeting the Bishops approval, seriously they can do nothing for me even if they tried.

My bishop, at the time I went to him and told him asked me very similar questions. At the end I asked him if I could take the sacrament and he said "Are you worthy to?" He assigned me scriptures to read, told me I could not pray publicly or take sacrament until hearing further from him. But, the questions were so inappropriate. Unbelievably inappropriate. So my heart goes out to this girl. Thank you for speaking on this matter. Until it's done to you, you just don't understand.

This exact same thing happened to me at the same age…14. I had to reveal everything to this strange man. It was horrible and humiliating.

We are not perfect and we all makes mistake

The guilt and shame is internalized crippling young people and seeding depression , which is the reason so many have suicidal thoughts and a negative self image. I cant fathom having to talk to a Bishop in a Church about my first sexual experiences , and the practice seems very disturbing (especially to a non Mormon) on many levels. The trauma affects people throughout their lives, damaging healthy sexuality . I feel this is a stain on the Mormonism , the tactics of public ostracism and humiliation , and isolation is heartbreaking . I wonder how many broken and wounded Mormons are out there because of this arcahic belief?

God doesn’t even treat us the way that this church treated her. God loves us so much more, he wants us to repent and ask for forgiveness. He forgives and remembers no longer. I too had an issue with the bishop. I was told no sacrament for 6 months. I never went back to the church again. That was the end of my time in the church. That judgment by those others towards her... bible tells you not to judge. Gossip = sin... another thing the leaders were doing.