Narcissistic Mothers and Their Adult Daughters

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In this episode, Dr. Z delves into the complex dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their adult daughters. She discusses how the behavior patterns of narcissistic mothers challenge societal norms of the mother/daughter relationship and have a profound impact on their daughters’ self-esteem and mental health.
Dr. Z also addresses the grieving process daughters of narcissistic mothers must go through once they come to accept the relationship will never be what they hoped for. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and offers practical strategies for managing these dynamics.
Tune in to this episode of Next Up: Narcissism for Dr. Z’s compassionate and empowering insights, aimed at helping listeners break free from narcissistic abuse and move towards a healthier, happier life.
Quotes
“With narcissistic moms, they love their children in conditions. They love their children so long as the child is, at any age, doing what is expected of the narrative that has been given to them since birth. So, since birth, you get a narrative. You are to play that role your whole life. That role is meant to put you in a certain pattern that the narcissistic mom is able to control and manipulate. Because remember, with narcissists, the main goal of narcissistic behavior is to gain power and control, to take away your autonomy, to take away your sense of self.” (09:11 | Dr. Z)
“Do narcissistic moms love their kids? They love them when they are performing as the narcissist wants them to perform. They love them so long as the child is doing what is expected of them.” (11:07 | Dr. Z)
“Start to gain objectivity to your narcissistic mom’s behavior and the reality of who you are, because the reality of who you are is not connected to her. She’s just made you think that for so long. Your ability to make decisions independent of her exists. It always existed… Once you realize that you can exist separately from a narcissistic mom, your entire world opens up. You realize that you are capable of doing whatever you want to do, as long as you understand that you will never get the support that you want from your mom, unless it benefits her.” (37:40 | Dr. Z)
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---
Dr. Jaime Zuckerman is a licensed clinical psychologist and national expert in narcissistic abuse. She is a highly sought-after relationship coach for those experiencing narcissistic abuse, as well as the sole owner and founder of The Z Group, a private therapy practice specializing in anxiety, depression, and complex relationship dynamics. Dr. Z is the author of two interactive workbooks and host of Next Up: Narcissism, a podcast that tackles the hard questions about narcissistic abuse, relationships, and mental health. She is an accomplished and active media contributor, as well as an influential social media personality in the mental health space.
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Опубликовано:

13 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 382

@Whoareyoudude101 16 дней назад

I get peace everyday from the realization that my birther never gave me love because she doesn’t love herself, not because I didn’t deserve love.

@こなた-m1o 13 дней назад

YES. it’s such a freeing realization.

@Giantfloatingballoonhead 12 дней назад

FACTS!!!

@Krystaldoll282 12 дней назад

I like this to help me heal but it feels like she loves two of us four daughters. It’s so confusing she’s good to two of us and horrible to the other two. I’m on the side of her manipulating, her lies and she’s played a part in the split of is 4 daughters. She speaks ill of me and my sister to the two good sisters. I’m in my 50’s and dealing with this still is very challenging.

@realshannone 10 дней назад

@@Whoareyoudude101 I love this, thank you.

@Pomoscorzo 9 дней назад

So true. 😢

@russellanddeborahrichardso9213 17 дней назад

I absolutely know my mother knows what she's doing.

@Giantfloatingballoonhead 12 дней назад

Oh she knows for sure. Mine has admitted to it on a call. Her mask is screwed on tightly.

@jennaray4174 11 дней назад

One of the best indicators that they know what they are doing is that they are aware enough to CHOOSE to behave differently around different people. Sometimes moment to moment! All just to get their needs met...that bottomless pit of need. All to get supply.

@MSSHARIII 10 дней назад

@@jennaray4174💯💯💯 This is it!!!

@lisadsignstyle8218 17 дней назад

Biggest thing is they feel no guilt. They are not sorry. They are only worried about THEIR feelings. They dont know how to love someone else. Only love themselves

@user-dz7ke5xq3f 16 дней назад

Έτσι είναι δυστυχώς!

@sarah-beruriahbattzion28 15 дней назад

So true

@avSCompact 14 дней назад

They only pretend to love themselves. They loathe and hate themselves...

@BlacKWidoW70s 14 дней назад

They don’t even love themselves they self loath and chose one person (scapegoat) to project that on

@こなた-m1o 13 дней назад

it’s pretty disgusting. and i’m disgusted the most about my younger self who was hoping for actual love.

@SCBlake Месяц назад

My wife is the scapegoat to her narcissistic mother. My wife is finally on board and sees it for about two years. We have been married over 11 years and we have two daughters. However, This is an ongoing struggle. My wife still has moments of feeling guilty. This has been a process. I fear that my wife will go back to accepting the abuse and then start resenting me. I also fear the physicalogical abuse that my inlaws may try to duplicate with our daughters. Pray for our family. Thank you for your content.

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

I'm so glad it's helpful

@hallelujah969 Месяц назад

Might be helpful for her to listen to many podcasts on the subject and the comments too. I'm the scapegoat to a covert, passive aggressive mother. I feel guilty too, because she is 86 and my mother. Luckily she has her youngest son, the golden child, who can see after her. I tried, but just can't take her abuse anymore. 😢

@flaggontheplay4666 Месяц назад

Omg…. If I were married, this would be my story. I do have a bf of 3 years now. But I’m the scapegoat to my covert narc mom (and dad) and I have 2 daughters. Started to put things together like 6-7 years ago… life changing. I had been living the definition of insanity and I refuse to let that toxic environment continue into my daughter’s lives in any way. The cycle has to stop here. My mind and body feel sooo much better the more time and distance I put between me and my mother and even my grandmother. I’ll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t think your wife will resent you at all. She may stumble here and there if she goes low contact but it’s just like any relapse…it doesn’t mean you failed. Just get back on track and continue from there. Your wife is probably seeing her mom different for the first time but she can’t unsee her own truth. The truth validates why she felt so off and misunderstood her whole life. There’s just no unseeing it. If you don’t mind me asking, how old is your wife and daughters? I’m 38 and my daughters are 14 and 11. I’ve accepted that I will have a certain relationship with my parents until my girls are adults and a different one after that. And I make sure to have good discussions with my daughters if there’s something I don’t agree with that happens in front of my daughters but to minimize conflict in front of them, I deescalate as much as possible if that makes sense. Definitely not perfect but it mitigates the damage when done right i believe. Therapists can be helpful also :)

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 18 дней назад

The struggle is real. My mom has the allegiance of my adult daughter while I'm the outcast. How does that even happen

@dalelerette206 17 дней назад

Same here. My wife's mom divorced her first husband. Then remarried a second man. Her mom would then discipline the daughter from her first husband. Both my wife and her sister went through it. My wife's mom and step-father are the epitome of evil, like the song Evil Woman. Lord have mercy. May the Lord Jesus pray to our Father in Heaven for genuine healing. ❤

@PaigeSquared 17 дней назад

It wasnt until i became a parent myself, that i realized how easy it is to apologize to kids. My mother has never once apologized to me, or to anyone else, that i have seen. My dad died believing he was a burden. And now im the burden.

@PaigeSquared 17 дней назад

I have told my mother straight up that I know she doesn't care about me. I told her I know she isn't interested in me. That's when she started behaving as if I was antagonistic when I was not; that got very scary. She showed me how everyone believes her, how the family is loyal to her.

@PaigeSquared 17 дней назад

The different values, the different definition of success, was the first thing for me. I would not lie to my son's teachers. And she was VERY not okay with that.

@pamelahawn9300 11 дней назад

@@PaigeSquaredI my case they are loyal OR scared!

@PaigeSquared 11 дней назад

@@pamelahawn9300 that was when I realized that no one else in my extended family had ever bothered to look up healthy interpersonal relationships. "That one" crazy drunk uncle in the family has been in AA for fifteen years now, and I recognized this year that he is the most sane and healthy of the bunch!! All because he bothered to try, because he was willing to admit that he wasn't perfect. That is all it takes. The rest aren't willing to admit mistakes. When it became more obvious to my mom that she couldn't directly tell me what to do, she went and told a bunch of lies behind my back and isolated me further. She made it so that she is the only person around that could lend me a hand with my young kid. Everyone was made to be scared of me, not her, and it crushed me even more than I already was. Now when I go to ask for help, the people I would ask are much less likely to believe me. My brother told me that I was seeing things that weren't there, and he told me what our mom had told him. That's when I learned she was spreading blatant lies. People want to believe that a mom wants to view their kids in a good light. So if a mom says something negative about her own kid, others are very likely to believe her. They believe that the mom is close with her adult kid and knows intimately the details of their life. Not in my case. She takes full advantage of that social norm. She's an administrator, she gets business done, but is cold and militant. When SHTF in the family, they go to her. She helps clean up the mess, but also does it in a way that is shaming and prevents open communication and healing. She got mad at me for wanting emotional support during my divorce; it took that for me to realize that it isn't a situational thing (I am not being particularly weak), it's a thing that is a problem within her; she doesn't have the capacity to provide emotional support, never has, and the times when I thought she was, were simply for show. She didn't know what she was doing, when she was being supportive, it was only ever an accident or a show for a witness. The hope that is deep deep in my heart, that she would just accept me, just be present with me, is never going to happen; AND she is actively undermining my long-term wellbeing. I feel like if my dad knew that it was her and not him, he might still be around. He kept telling me she was a good mom, and I didn't want to be disrespectful. I wonder if I had spoken up, if he would still be around, because he was needed. I needed him. I still do, decades later; it would be really damn nice to go and speak to an older adult who wants me to do well and isn't limiting information or being weird and avoidant.

@PaigeSquared 11 дней назад

@@pamelahawn9300 I think if she had let her mask slip with more of her family, more of them might be scared, but it is all so covert. The only times it has slipped, was when she was intimidating me into compliance. Funny how aware they seem to be, of witnesses, when others don't even consider it. They all believe her, even her own husband believed her.

@carolinekamya2339 Месяц назад

no contact was the only way for me to carry on ... the other semi or low contact was draining

@Naejane Месяц назад

Same, she made it so it had to be all or nothing. She wouldn't accept low contact.

@PaigeSquared 17 дней назад

My mom doesn't notice if I don't speak with her, as long as she is able to pretend that our relationship is great and we are close. They just want others to perceive the relationship as functional, they want the social perks of the role.

@angiepoo4839 17 дней назад

I wish I could go no contact. I currently live next door and has been a blessing at times and also a curse.

@yessidraws2460 17 дней назад

Same here. Tomorrow marks 2 months of going no contact after trying for nearly 10 years. Finally can start healing after all this abuse.

@samlikesfruit 16 дней назад

@@yessidraws2460 it's hard...the best thing i did for myself tho...they literally made me have an abortion when i was raped underage and spent my whole life treating me like crap...hit me and told me to kill myself, tricked and guilt tripped me into a house purchase then tricked me off paperwork...stole and sold or kept my possessions, sold the house for alot less than it was worth just so they could get their greedy mits on my grandparents money they put in because it had a downstairs disabled ensuit room for them and our parents later if they needed help...it was an investment no brainer but they sold it at a loss and my grandad died in hospital ironically after getting stuck in the bath and diedno one cares and the domestic abuser fraudster copper my sister moved in smashed up our house and hit my brother and my dads weeding...mum told me not to talk else no inheritance she then befriended or slept with/kissed my friends and my sister goes out for lunch with my ex who she encouraged me to break up with when i was engaged to and told me if i got pregnant i was out the house...she then got pregnant tricked me off paperwork hit me and told me to kill myself...no one believes me apart from the lodger who witnessed some of this...the policeman was then stationed outside the flat i escaped to (renting) whilst he was living in the property i owned!...No could not make this up...then i was arrested for pushing a bike over evven tho i was assaulted and given a back injury which i still have 10 months later....from my father....thanks dad....i'm 41 with 2 types of arthritis and i'm infertile now with pins in my right hand and unattached tendon in my left....and a dodgey eye...no justice for me just 3 nights in a cell and £700 fine....the copper got promoted to a sargent and my nan calls me a liar because she believes my sister, mum and lying family...i swear i am not lying the police are evil, solicitors evil, mental health team was liasing with the policeman who stole my home and so was my housing officer who put me in a property with a leaking sewage pipe where i've been living 7 years now on my own...i told the housing the pipe was leaking they gaslit me for all this time telling me i was imagining it...plumber came yesterday and said i was right...leak in the wall for years.....well Torquay Police i hope you are proud of your employees thanks for all the help

@go_off_Sis 16 дней назад

I finally accepted my mom never loved me when I was in my late thirties. She never tried to save me when my life was in danger and did everything she could to sabotage my success in my life

@Giantfloatingballoonhead 12 дней назад

You are not alone here. Many of us experienced the same things with our birth givers 🫂

@elixabliss 10 дней назад

@@Giantfloatingballoonhead "birth giver" is very generous... mine was a birth portal.

@Giantfloatingballoonhead 10 дней назад

@@elixabliss 😂😂😂😂 birth portal is perfect

@Knwvacane 17 дней назад

One thing I’ve learned to do is the opposite of everything these idiots say. If she says “oh your husband is so great” he’s probably bad for you. “Oh so and so is a great friend to you” yeah they’re probably not. This is a crazy type of evil we’ve had to deal with for so long. Don’t give up and fight back, break free. You deserve an amazing life free of their abuse.

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

Yes I was encouraged into a horrible marriage by my whole family. They Had to know what he really was. I never had clothes or money. when I worked she took my tiny paychecks. She bought awful clothes for me at the goodwill. They were also 20x too big for me, especially the shoes, and she gave out my sizes as wrong to any relatives who tried to send me clothes. I looked like a hobo clown all my life. she always called me fat even though I was a size 4 most of my life, I went down to a 0 to 2 at one point, and up to a 6. she bought me size 10 to 14s. Then it was cheap stripper clothes in my 20s. like actual x rated clothes for xmas. that also didn't fit.

@Sandra-faith 12 дней назад

Omg! So true.

@Knwvacane 10 дней назад

@@user-wi9hv2pb2q I’m really sorry to hear that. I pray you’re in a better space now and buying the clothes you want and living how you see fit ❤️ sending you love.

@deborahwilkerson8103 11 дней назад

Mom knows what she is doing because when she has onlookers she behaves beautifully. Thank you for posting this because have not seen healthy mothering modelled in real life and it helps to know what things should look like.

@touchedbyfire99 25 дней назад

When I was a teenager, my mother drove the love of my life away so she would not lose control over me. She stole my friends for herself. I couldn’t wait to get away from her but only had a vague sense that something wasn’t right. In my day, we did not have the internet. We didn’t have mental health services. When I had children, it was the first time in my life that I realized I had been abused because I realized I could never do to my children what was done to me. I put up with her constant monologue phone calls, manipulation and control for almost my entire life because I did not want to be the one to cut her off. But when I found my voice again, which she had beat out of me more than a half century ago, and started sharing my opinions and pushing back, she cut me out of her life. I believe she knew that a reckoning was coming and did not want to hear it. She died 8 months later without ever reaching back out to me. With her final act, she showed me what I have always known but did not want to know: that I was never loved for who I am, but only what I could do and supply for her. My father travelled for a living and loved it., abandoning us to her. He let her harass us so she wouldn’t be on him. One day when I was 58 years old, he showed up at my house unannounced after I got home from work and said: could you come talk to your mother she’s flipping out over money. I finally said no: she’s your problem. I did your job regulating her emotions all my life and I’m not doing it anymore. He never said a word to me. Just turned around and walked out. After that day, he looked through me as if I were glass. I wasn’t serving his needs anymore and he therefore had no more use for me. These two made quite the pair.

@Mscat410 19 дней назад

I have a very similar story and you and I got the sh$! end of the stick and yes your life was worse because of it. It’s not fair and it makes you mad and ask why? Horrible people…all you are responsible for is breaking the cycle.

@TheSmcdona731 19 дней назад

Good for you for surviving that. God bless you.

@PaigeSquared 17 дней назад

Wow like your dad really knew, he was hyper aware that he was using you to manage her. Ugh.

@anfisa1060 16 дней назад

@@Mscat410yes, we can only work to break the cycle. We have to forgive them. This has been so hard for me. But it’s starting to feel better. My father was the alcoholic husband to my mom, the narcissist. She was very sweet and loving to all my friends, and became a surrogate mom to those who lost their mothers early in life. I could not wrap my head around how she could be so sweet to them and so cruel and cutting to me. It was heartbreaking, misery. But it’s made me wiser about people, for sure,

@deebee4622 16 дней назад

Sadly, your story isn’t as uncommon as you might think. Ultimately we belong to God, Jesus died for us and we chose a path of purpose and creativity instead of leaving a trail of pain and chaos. We became strong, resilient and more empathic from learning how not to be. God bless your journey into freedom and joy!

@Lp-vw1lf 15 дней назад

I loved the part when you said..."but I am the daughter" instead of society's easy default..."but that is your mom'". Enduring abuse of any kind is no badge of honor. I so needed to hear this right now...thank you!!

@deborahwilkerson8103 11 дней назад

I’m feeling that one these days. I’m glad she said it.

@tmolten 14 дней назад

Finally went no contact after 6 years in therapy. I finally realised that she wouldnt stop until she's destroyed the life im building for myself out of jealousy.

@Giantfloatingballoonhead 12 дней назад

Congratulations on going no contact. You’re absolutely right. They will never stop until they ruin us and have us begging for their sick version of “love” and “support”. We are in control of our own lives and we owe it to ourselves to protect and respect ourselves.

@tnt01 19 дней назад

Can you please do a part two of this video. Giving suggestions on how to heal when you figure out who your mother really is. More detailed advice would be so helpful to many. It is so difficult because a part of us still love our mothers, there is a deep biological bond. Makes the entire situation tortuous. Thank you kindly. Hugs.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 18 дней назад

Thanks for this suggestion! I will work on this :)

@tnt01 18 дней назад

@@DrJaimeZuckerman thanks you so much. No one has really done a video on this.

@ejw72 12 дней назад

Thanks for this video. My narcissistic mother died when I was 35 (l’m 52 now). It took me years after her death to realize how manipulative and controlling she was (it was always disguised as ‘love’). Now, in middle age, I am finally doing the work of de-programming her propaganda my mind. It feels like recovering from a cult! But I am so grateful for creators like you who share these types of videos ❤

@DrJaimeZuckerman 9 дней назад

Glad you found this helpful :)

@Phoenixtwinflame363 17 дней назад

Oh my Lord, you nailed it. When I heard you say we just keep "hoping", it made me want to cry, that SOMEONE understands. My Mom didn't try and control my marriage or interfere with raising my children. No, she just ingrained in my head from as early as 20 not to have children or get married. Saying that both are nothing but heartache & that I have a great life, why would I want to ruin it. I'm now 59, childless with one marriage that only lasted a short time. My brother, she left him alone, let him make his own decisions & he's been married for 15 yrs with 3 daughters. He never listened to her or had a relationship with her. He knew better.

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

Sounds like your brother was actually the golden child. He probably got a lot of nice things, money,, support,, on the side you never knew about. My mother also worked to make sure I never had children. in terms of health, doctors, obgyn care "you don't need That." And moving us to neighborhoods with no one my age, no men to meet etc. All I ever wanted was a family.

@drp2473 16 дней назад

He did not have a relationship with her. He knew better. Sounds like he was the “truth teller” person. While the sister was the “enabler”

@Shaylala19937 27 дней назад

Everything you said are things my mother did to me my entire life. 😢 Called me a bad mom because I didn’t spank my kids like she did, and I allow my children to express their feelings, respectfully. She talked about my body negatively over and over again. She would feign illness whenever confronted. She triangulate my younger (golden child) sister and make her do my mom’s dirty work, starting fights with me at holidays, family events & visits. My sister is a more grandiose, over the top, mean, vicious narcissist, while my mom plays the covert victim, but always trying to make herself look perfect to the world. It took me until 41 years old to realize all of this. And it made me question ALL of my experiences from childhood. I refused to allow the abuse continue and be passed down to my children. She will not belittle me or my children. She will not love bomb them to then turn around and criticize them endlessly. It is a sick twisted mind game.

@DanceChickaDee 11 дней назад

Omg….. every excuse had to do with sickness and how she doesn’t feel good 🙄

@trisholer9761 9 дней назад

Manipulation tears!!! I wouldn’t let myself cry because I thought it was a form of manipulation-it’s all she ever used tears for.

@janorr1111 13 дней назад

Great Program!! The narcissistic mom ALWAYS gaslights your feelings. You are NEVER SEEN!!

@scar-lett6838 27 дней назад

Thank you very much for not being afraid of saying the truth. They know what they do and won't change. To find that out, was a game changer for me on my healing path. Too often victims get blamed and are "the bad ones" because "but she is your mum, come on, it can't be that bad!" while being horribly abused and feel isolated and desperate. So thank you for validating and educating!❤

@DrJaimeZuckerman 25 дней назад

Thanks for tuning in and sharing this feedback :)

@steadyhorse1 23 дня назад

Narcissistic moms are bad grandparents too..they play with the grandchilds emotions..only try to show off that they love them .but where some effort is required they step back!

@realshannone 10 дней назад

@@steadyhorse1 yes!

@FlowerFellStudios 17 дней назад

I’ve never heard of anybody actually covering topics surrounding the issues with narcissistic moms, that’s something that is almost nonexistent on the internet. I’ve been told that I need to forgive and love my mom, I do but I just can’t trust her, and because I don’t, I get told that I’m stubborn and being a brat (and a lot of other things) and there is nothing that she could’ve done that was so bad that I literally fear being around her. I wanted to say thank you for making this video and to let you know I greatly appreciate it.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 16 дней назад

Thank you for your kind message and watching this episode :)

@enlumineresse 15 дней назад

Well, from the other end of the world.. (supposedly) I do absolutely believe you, because I know, I have "kind of a mother" like yours. I'm in hell right now. Sending love to you ❤

@katray7452 14 дней назад

I feel you. Here is a saying I repeat to myself when I feel guilty... Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue.

@izzypaynee 15 дней назад

The truth will set you free and denying it will keep you sick. The more I deny how horrible my mum is the sicker I get. When she’s completely out of my life, a weight gets lifted off me. When she knows NOTHING about me. It’s energy. It’s spiritual. I’m DONE with her. I’m 23 now and I cannot waste any more time fawning around her and making myself small. Fuck that. She is blocked everywhere.

@PrettyIndependent1 12 дней назад

This was amazinggggg. It gave me so much insight. I know a lot about narcissists but understanding a covert narcissist mother is one of the top confusing ones since you meet them at birth and have no reference of normalcy.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 11 дней назад

Thanks for watching! Glad you found it insightful :)

@SAD-ij8in 16 дней назад

Wow, this is so on target. I'm almost 50 and have bent over backwards to keep my mom happy but now she is aging and I don't have the time or finances to keep her in the lifestyle she feels entitled to. I am finally separating. It's been exhausting but I can't play these games anymore. I'm so blessed my husband and sons see through it all and are supporting me.

@tammygriffith9577 18 дней назад

I am the scapegoat (my dad was all my mothers life) now that dad has died. She actually told me she didn't know what to do now that she can't blame dad anymore now that he is dead! My oldest sister is a has NPD and is moms mini and they have turned the heat on hot and heavy since dads death. I have gone no contact and am healing the family trauma with my own children. It is a lonely path but my husband is my support and he never leaves me through this journey. I have done no contact and k don't regret it. Thank you for your episode as it helped me so much.

@arsenelupiniii8040 17 дней назад

Ah yes, I have encountered "the mini me" cliche. Sure it seems harmless but far from it.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 17 дней назад

So glad to hear this episode was helpful for you.

@katrinabrown3561 18 дней назад

It’s hard. My dad is a malignant narcissist and I was hardly close to him. I moved out and my mom followed behind me shortly after. I thought my mom was my best friend. But it turns out she’s a narcissist too. It’s just harder to leave her because I confide in her to everything. I barely have friends, and things are different now.

@greatdanehybrids3781 16 дней назад

My narcissistic mother is getting pretty close to 70. I am an only child she expects me to care for her when she did absolutely nothing for her mother who was dying from cancer she made her sisters do it and made sure to take inheritance. She threatens that I will not get any inheritance but what she does not understand as I was planning on the state taking all of it to put her in a home anyway. I decided this over 20 years ago when my grandmother died😮

@sarah-beruriahbattzion28 15 дней назад

My parents also threatened me to give everything to the church , yes they did give a big part of money to the church the rest she gave after my father died to her sisters son when he got married and now it’s my fault that she does not have any money left she wants to sell one of the houses so she has money but knowing the law she needs me to sign my part again I am at fault for that also , when I was younger I was not allowed to go on vacations to an other country

@sdub7045 13 дней назад

Same story here. My mom is 79 and threatens all the time to disinherit me. I called her bluff. She'll never do it because she thinks it's her last ace in the hole. I went no contact for 3 months and she "narced out" but never actually did it. Empty threats.

@KellyNivens 23 дня назад

So, my mother-who died 5 years ago, was a horrible narcissist-I married a narc then divorced the narc, but in court for 14 years after divorce, he has brainwashed my 2 older children against me &they think he’s the best. I feel like I don’t even know my 2 oldest of 3 children bc he alienated them from me to just punish me-I was trying to break the “generational curse” from both my mother & my narc ex. -she even triangulated with my ex against me!!! I have to say-what in the world!!! I don’t miss the DRAMA! I just feel very alone, broken & have done 20+ years of therapy. I am in a relationship now-w/ narc signs & have to just distance myself when it gets to be tooo much! I’ve been trying to fix myself for so longgggg & I just tired!! Just tired!!! Ty for the info & validation! I’ll keep searching & trusting God to push me through this. XOXOXO 🙈🤷🏼‍♀️

@DrJaimeZuckerman 22 дня назад

So happy to hear you feel validated.

@LadyEpileptic 15 дней назад

I totally relate. Especially when you describe your feelings about how you have struggled just to be loved and embraced your entire life. How you go from one narcissistic relationship to the next and have never been able to be free to heal from the past. You spoke my truth so sussinctly. Thank you that helps me more than you know.

@mariapannullo6138 9 дней назад

Why the hell are you wasting time in a current relationship with a Narcissist? Gluten for punishment? Possibly not learned?

@LadyEpileptic 9 дней назад

@@mariapannullo6138 It’s very common for people who are abused as a child to be drawn to people who abuse. It’s all they know. They have gotten groomed in a way. They have always been treated like this so even if they see red flags, they don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be careful with judgement about things you don’t understand. Love and abuse is very different but for a person raised in abuse, that line is not so clear.

@KellyNivens 9 дней назад

@@DrJaimeZuckerman Ty! For the kind words❣️

@SAD-ij8in 16 дней назад

I deeply feel like this woman sees me and understands what I am going through. Saving this on 3 different lists so I can rewatch over & over.

@coopermccormick 12 дней назад

Great content. I'm wanting my stepdaughter to realize what her mom is doing to her. 😢

@aayushmasingh5892 Месяц назад

I feel so validated! This video made me realize that I don’t have to feel guilty at all for setting boundaries. Thank you Dr. Z❤️

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

♥

@pamelahawn9300 11 дней назад

The one thing that made it hard for me to realize my mom is a Covert N. is that she changed her "scapegoat" depending on who was doing/being the person she wanted. The good times make it hard to realize they/me were abused. It was easier when i had children and realized I WOULD NEVER DO THE THINGS TO MY CHILDREN SHE DID TO ME!

@touchedbyfire99 11 дней назад

@@pamelahawn9300 You make such a good point here that I had not realized - the changing scapegoat scenario! I believe that is the way it was in our family as well. It’s such a mind fuck. And like you, it was when I had children that I realized some of the truth but it only got me part of the way there. It was until the very last years of her life, that I realized whatever I thought maybe had been love along the way was just another con.

@pamelahawn9300 7 дней назад

@touchedbyfire99 I was 64 when I realized she was a Covert N. I am 70 now. I have believed all her delusions, gaslighting, and even doing things out of spite. She hid my only pair of shoes weeks on end making me LATE FOR SCHOOL. At an early age I began to learn to scroung up clothes, some people gave me thinking I could dress better. They disappeared...As a child, it is hard to think of a parent doing such things?? Going through my life I realized how evil she truly is/was. One time as a child of 7 YO. she told my step- dad I was the one gossiping about the family. BEFORE THAT DAY, I THOUGHT HE WAS MY DAD! She threatened to give me away if I didn't change! I was thinking change what? What did I say? Then of course I was devastated to hear step-dad wasn't my real dad! Give me away? I constantly walked on eggshells. I was described as nervous, sick stomach, ADD. Etc. Well, yeah, even at that age, I suffered from cPSTD. ( Of course the didn't even understand PTSD) YOU ARE SO RIGHT. IT IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CON! 🥶

@elisaarenas7986 11 дней назад

I can’t tell you how validating it is to hear all this. My mother has verbatim stated I’m being dramatic and sensitive. I’m in utter shock that I was blind and accustomed to this treatment to the point that it affects me so much that I’m devolving crippling anxiety. I can’t afford therapy, but I’ll keep watching your podcasts on here and Spotify and I just bought your book How to Be Calm. Thank you so much, truly. I have been binging everything of yours I can get my hands on. I finally feel a glimmer of hope.

@elisaarenas7986 11 дней назад

My mother will go radio silent on me and never reach out. I have 2 young children and I have initiated every single time I go over so she can see them. She has a cycle of going silent on me ever since I moved out at 18. I’m 32. She constantly blamed me for not finding happiness. She has stated that my son should never have tantrums. He had a difficult time cleaning up his toys, he’s 5. She said that he shouldnt be crying and yelling and that she fears what he will become when he’s older. I never expected her behavior to affect my children, but I’m just realizing what danger she will be to them.

@romy3726 18 дней назад

Wow, this has been truly enlightening. The first step is gaining clarity about what is even happening so thanks for putting all of this into words. Somehow shocking to see that it's not even an individual behavior of a person so close to us but the same pattern for all of them..

@DrJaimeZuckerman 17 дней назад

Glad to hear this episode has helped you gain clarity. Thanks for watching!

@meiw8358 23 дня назад

This film is for me, my mother and her golden child who is 8 year older than me they are mother is a covert narcissist and the older sister is a malignant narcissist. I Left them to another state ,did not know anyone just need to survive from all kinds of abuses. Thank you for this film.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 22 дня назад

Thanks for tuning in

@michellewiedenhoeft3351 27 дней назад

You described my step mother, our relationship, how she has treated me and the way she makes my dad treat me. I have done therapy and I feel healed and I have good soild boundaries. I am at peace Thank you for this video it was very reassuring and I know it will help others Thank you🎉

@DrJaimeZuckerman 25 дней назад

Glad that this resonated with you and you feel seen.

@realshannone 16 дней назад

I’m really struggling with this. I was raised by a narcissistic, spineless sadist. I never knew how bad she abused me until I had children. Last year i developed late stage colon cancer and she showed me how very little she cares about me. I struggle because I’ve never hated anyone in my life more than her. And I want that hatred to go away, along with her.

@DebbieLee-dr3hr 12 дней назад

I hate the relationship with my mom. It does make me avoid her, There is little to no connection and it's been this way for longer than I had even realized. Coming to that conclusion was the biggest sucker punch to the back of my head. The truth aches.

@lisettem1891 19 дней назад

Both my parents and also my sister are narcissists. Could you maybe do a show on when the whole family is narcissistic and you are the scapegoat? Thank you so much for an enlightening episode, it was really helpful ❤

@DrJaimeZuckerman 18 дней назад

Yes I will make a note to do a video on this. Thanks for the suggestion!

@urflow6059 16 дней назад

That is what I have. Both my parents are and my brother is but I think he is also a bit crazy for what he has done to his family. I've gone no contact with all of them but still in contact with my sister in law and my niece and nephew. They are also victims of their abuse.

@Ontheweb444 16 дней назад

My mom sabotaged so many opportunities for me then compares me to my half siblings and got mad I couldn’t afford to help her with her bills

@flowersofthefield340 11 дней назад

They extract A- TTENTION T- IME M- ONEY

@d.w.7114 18 дней назад

Thank you for making this video. Everything you said a narcissistic mother does to her daughter is what my mother has done. My dad would ask me to make up with my mom and with my brother when he would abuse me. Why didn’t he ask them to apologize to me when I was the person being abused? I was the scapegoat.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 18 дней назад

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm glad you found this video helpful.

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

yes, same here, what kind of daughter won't yield to her mother and male relatives? the daughter had to apologize.

@1anonymousgrl162 20 дней назад

This is 100% spot on. Narc father in law and his ex wife (who could never let go of her narc former husband -ex supply) ruined my marriage. I got crushed in the divorce. Year 2 had a heart attack called the “broken heart heart attack”. Don’t stay so long it effects your health.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 18 дней назад

Glad to hear this resonated with you.

@emmaiiriti1728 14 дней назад

Oh My Goodness, yes. You so nailed this on the head. Yes Yes Yes, a non narc mother does NOT want to hurt their child and will do anything to avoid and WILL listen when any hurting behaviour is pointed out to them. Thank you for articulating this.

@lyndapickhardt188 10 дней назад

You just explained my relationship with my mother and solved the the mystery thereby I can be free of the angst. She's been dead for ten years and I'm finishing my 74th year. I always wondered if I owned guilt for "judging" her behaviors toward me. THANK YOU!

@DrJaimeZuckerman 9 дней назад

♥

@YGabi333 17 дней назад

Hope is thé word that has messed things up. Cuz I kept on hoping that things would get better!! Thank you for this video!❤

@1inaMaxillion 16 дней назад

thank you for the confirmation about showing up unannounced or 'texting on her way' when she is ringing the doorbell. gratitude always 💚💚💚

@susanbittner2095 14 дней назад

A Narcisstic Mother Is Both Physically Abusive And Emotionally Abusive!!! She Was Jealous Of Me Too!!! I Have Seen And Experienced This Behavior!!! I Have Come To Understand This Behavior Is Mostly In Low Level People!!! They Grew Up This Way And It Affects Them Tremendously!!! My Father Had To Step In And Correct Every Situation That She Caused!!! My Father Was So Much More I telligent Than My Mother!!! This Is A Fact!!! It Was Like My Father Had Three Children Instead Of Just Two, My Brither And I!!! So Very Hard To Deal With This Growing Up!!!🎉❣️

@kerryfaden94 Месяц назад

Dear Dr J This was hands down the best video I have ever seen on this subject- it really helped me! There is a way out! Even with health problems- thanks!!!

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

So happy to hear that it helped you!

@gho5t504 11 дней назад

There was this girl I talked to since we were 14. There was one nasty moment which led to 8 years of no contact. While growing up, she had to deal with a narcissistic mother who was a blind alcoholic with diabetes. Her father was out of the picture, because he died from alcoholism the same year she was born. Her escapism from abusive situations were drugs and especially abuse of benzodiazepines to knock herself out. And she did it one time in front of me, when she had admitted to triangulating me to pressure me into a relationship, to which her mother responded by throwing things and yelling on her way out. It had never clicked for me to realize that this 19 year old girl would grow up into a mirror copy of her mother. On top of that her mother passed away in the meantime, which gave her absolute freedom from any responsibility towards other people in her life. When I hoovered myself back, old patterns kicked in and as soon as I figured her out, she was out the door. Of course, she tried to hoover me back in, but that didn't work out the way she thought it would.

@mariposa1933 3 дня назад

I have the best support in my husband. He has been unhappy with my mother and family for years because of how they have treated me. When you said “do they love their kids?”…that HIT HARD. I remember being down on my knees crying and pleading with my mom to tell me why she hated me soo much. I was at my lowest with her. She not once denied it, she not once defended herself. She did and said nothing. My sister and my mother have been very cruel. I cut them off for good recently. I felt guilty and was contemplating this for years. At 47, I feel at peace about my decision. They have each other. No need for me to feel guilty.

@thebookishkhmerican4303 6 дней назад

Thank you for making this video! I am in the process of healing and going no contact from a narcissistic mom. She was immensely crazy and unpredictable and it resulted in a lot of depression and anxiety because I didn’t fit any of her expectations. I also have physical pain and trapped trauma in my body that is slowly releasing. I have now moved states and it has been the best decision for me to grow in the way I need and want to and I’ve received so much support and love from my new community that I was always missing. I am thriving and caring for myself, not just surviving and it’s been the best revenge.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 6 дней назад

Glad to hear you enjoyed this video!

@nadiasemprini8459 13 дней назад

I am a daughter of a.narcissistic mum. When I married she organized all the event without even asking me if I had preferences, it was weird. I was at work and pregnant, very tired, and she jumped in my new life being always at my home for cleaning, wanting us to have all meals at her house. Naturally she chooses the location of our new home, and it was in the same street!! "You can't live far away!" When I suddenly I became ill and disabled, and my husband worked abroad, I asked "Mum will you help me with,the toddlers?" "Yes, but they must live in my home. It's more practical" (remember, we lived across the road, my home were directly in front of hers!!) The normal priority would have been to leave the children in their own home and to help me there. She won, she took away the children but refuses to prepare meals for me or helping with the cleaning. "Only if you are in my house. If you come and live here, then I will cook for you. If you are in your house, alone and sick and can't move, I don't care. I offered you THE solution." I am 50 and still struggle with "I am not enough" and I can't accomplish anything in my life. I have no sense of self. I can't even cure myself because there is no individual to care for, I am nothing. She live.happily and I am the one to go to therapy. Doctors don't see it, don't get it, because I can only explain the facts in the narrative I learnt. From the point of view of my mum: I was bad, I treated her disrespectfully. And the doctor says: "So be nicer." A therapist that is not prepared on narcissistic abuse, can't connect the dots. Beware: if you ask,the therapist to see the whole family, all the narcissists will perform their play to look perfect (but you can look very bad, not their problem). That's how you understand that they know what they are doing. Any other disfunctional person will appear like they always are.

@NehaSharma-777 11 дней назад

Wowww

@willowmoon369 9 дней назад

Honestly at the age of 49 I had no idea what a narcissist was until I started dating this guy and everybody kept saying what a narcissist he is. So I started looking up that word and wouldn't you know, I stumbled across this narcissistic mothers article. Imagine that! So I started reading, lo and behold I do believe my mother is the dark triad! None the less, I digress. My whole point of posting was to say my mother didn't want someone to be like her, my mother wanted somebody that she could keep down in life so she could always have someone around that she thought she was better than. But now at 53 I'm sad to say that I finally figured out why every relationship I've ever had has been so abusive and one-sided and demeaning and the list goes on... Because my parents had me groomed into thinking that that kind of treatment was how one should be treated. That it was okay for people to abuse me, steal from me, lie, cheat, ignore, invalidate, gaslight, use and throw away when they were done. No contact for two years now. She'll never be in my life again. I'm still trying to find forgiveness for her, not for her benefit, it's so I can stop swallowing the poison. And some compassion and worthiness for myself so I can move the f*#$ on already. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this subject. 🦋🙏🦋 Namaste 💜💚💜

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

I wish this was a conversation 50 years ago. I feel so cheated of my life, so duped. The phrase, "you're too sensitive." I'd forgotten... but I heard so many times. And, oh god, the whole college thing. Did anyone else get a 'bag of garbage'? Tons of unwanted and unasked for toys, ugly unworn outgrown clothes, etc that their mom "gave them" when they went to camp, visited or went to college as proof of how "spoiled" they are? like, hoarder by proxy almost.

@flowersofthefield340 11 дней назад

The info wasn't their sadly in the past .......

@Lyrielonwind 7 дней назад

She dressed me like a girl when I was in my early teens and before she cut my hair like a boy for years. I didn't know what was a smile from her. I still have nightmares.

@melindamcclain835 16 дней назад

I went no contact for 5 months before my narc mom passed away. I did not know she was sick because she didn't tell me. I had to go no contact because the stress and hurt was causing me to get sick. Sometimes I feel regret about it but she would not change. I was the scapegoat my whole life. 😢

@urflow6059 16 дней назад

I feel you. My mother is terminal and for years I was taking her to dr. Appointments asking me to lie to my family about how she wasn't taking care of herself. One day I stopped lying for her because of her diagnosis, and she turned on me. It's been a few months now that I have gone no contact but I was dying inside because of what she was doing to me by making me lie and manipulating me. She might pass before I ever think about speaking to her again, but I have finally feel like I deserve to be treated better.

@Lyrielonwind 7 дней назад

I don't know if my siblings will tell me if she dies. They all are blocked but they have my email and have never tried to send me one, not even in Christmas. I thought everything will be alright after going no contact but now I'm realizing I have a whole bunch of trauma to unpack and I doubt I will ever heal from a life time of severe abuse.

@kara5015 16 дней назад

Thank you that made so much sense I’ve been struggling with my mother all my life in the end j had to cut her out for my own sanity!! That was so helpful x

@ST30809 15 дней назад

My grandmother is a narcissist. Been catching her in lies, that she plays off as forgetful. My mother won’t have anything to do with her, even though she dangles inheritance like a carrot. She bought a house that I lived in and we were paying her for it. All of a sudden, she said I don’t want any more money, this is your inheritance. We tried to pay her, but she went around and told everyone we refused to pay her. I’m trying to sell it because my husband got transferred and it’s as big a nightmare as you can imagine. I’m just freaking DONE with her. And just as an aside, everything she owns is inherited and has never bought anything with money she’s earned, even her Mercedes.

@kathiedorion8731 16 дней назад

I don't recall my NM ever hugging me, kissing me, telling me she loved me. Actually, it was more like I was invisible unless it was to look after my 2 younger sisters, I was the built-in Nanny. I was the Scapegoat, and my sister was the Golden Child; we were pitted against each other to the point as adults we hated each other. I still have a relationship with my youngest sister but we're not close (there's an 11-year age gap.) I went No Contact with her after she chose my Ex chesting, lying husband over me and told me so...I'm just sorry I waited until I was 50. Now she's in a Nursing home with Dementia, being catered to by the Golden Child (for money of course).

@jeaninebowden6984 12 дней назад

I’ve had people say “but you only get 1 mom”, I’ve even said it to people (when I was in my 20’s and lived by the “respect your parents” role…. 🤦🏻‍♀️…. But I’ve come to realize, yes, she’s my mother and I only get 1 real mother… but I was her daughter, she only got 1 of me and she chose to abuse me in EVERY way since as far back as I remember (believe it or not like around 3-4years old) by the time I was 5-6, I had stopped talking COMPLETELY!! I was mute!! For 3 years!!! She just told people I was being dramatic and “playing games” (my older sister (she is 2.5 years older than me) was the ONLY person I talked to. We made up our own sign language so if an adult asked me a question she could ask me and I’d answer. But ya.. we only get 1 mom, but THEY only get 1 “us” and they abused it (PS. My 2 sisters have gone no contact and mom moved in with me 2 years ago because she needed a caregiver and I was the only one left). I struggle every day since she moved in with me all my fears, memories (I pushed to the back of my brain), all the anger and hurt has come to the surface.

@DanceChickaDee 11 дней назад

It bottles up inside you and you explode over a simple trigger…… Don’t engage as much as possible if you choose to take care of your mother. Just look at it like you’re the only one willing to care for her so no matter what she says you know you’re a good daughter that your mother didn’t deserve. The everyday triggers can drive you crazy but I can understand the guilt you feel if you don’t take care of her. It’s ok to feel the way you feel but don’t allow the it to cause you to lose yourself. Best advice I could offer I am still struggling myself and I believe when my mother does become that age of needing care I will end up being the only kid to take her in just as you have. 😢

@Lyrielonwind 7 дней назад

Try the gray rock method and if you can afford it a therapist who can teach you how to detach emotionally from her. Also self care and try to get a hobby and people who can support you. The latter is the most difficult at least for me. I feel I have lost my social skills. Thanks God we only have one mom!

@CattleTude День назад

I was no contact with my mom for 7 years. In 2020 her brother passed of an unexpected heart problem and I jumped in to help. Her other 2 siblings live across the country I told myself I wasn’t going to trust her and I was going to tread with caution, but I turned back into a pack mule for her, jumping to her aid for any and everything My birthday was 3 months ago. She spent our day together telling me to dump the guy I just started seeing because he’s not a dog person. (He’s crazy, my dog is awesome but whatever lol) But that was an eye opening day for me again… Last week she accused me of having a “new personality”. I said no, but I have chosen to withdraw and I gave her 3 brief reasons. She texted back making herself the victim, saying I don’t care about her. And I’m just left puzzled, because my message was respectful I’m happy to be no contact again, and even happier it was her terms 🤷‍♀️

@uagang3872 5 дней назад

This is the most accurate video Ive seen on narc moms yet💯 Thanks for sharing♥️

@DrJaimeZuckerman 4 дня назад

Thanks for the feedback :)

@carinjacobs7603 26 дней назад

I thought as a child that God give every child different parents. Some kids get loving parents, or strict but loving or playful and helping parents and I got the mom that needs me to be perfect in how she wants and she lied a lot. I always thought but why is she lying, shouting, fighting with me? I wished that I would get someone that will love me for who I am. Today I am 53 and it is now 3 years I set my boundaries. But now she is going with double forse after my dad

@lyndakeft7682 14 дней назад

That is perfectly clear. I have had a life full of this behaviour! Then married into it twice and had another relationship that was a repeat. I'm so done. I stay away from it all now. My mother and father died and I have peace now. Thank you so much for the clear explanation that was so confusing to me. After many years of therapy and mental health issues... I now know for absolute truth it was not me but my programming from birth.

@KristineS 12 дней назад

Thank you so much for this video! do you have advice for how an adult living at home due to chronic pain/financial issues can deal with a narcissistic mother? This mother won’t even let this adult daughter have access to the refrigerator, never mind a much needed emotional support animal (not even a hamster). She can’t put her toothbrush in the toothbrush holder, etc. This daughter is an intelligent loving person. It’s so hard to know she goes through this every day. She just wants to heal but she can’t because of the environment she’s in, but she can’t get out of the environment because of the state of her physical/emotional health… 😔Thank you again for this amazing vid🙏🏼

@DanceChickaDee 11 дней назад

I was forced to move back home when I separated from my daughter’s father…… I did nothing right and I finally lost my mind and moved out. The only reason I was able to was because I was in a car accident and had received a payout from insurance to afford to move out. 😣 Even when I got the money I bought myself a car paid in full, paid a full 6 months lease on an apt upfront, bought a laptop needed for my job, gave my mom money, bought my mother a laptop nicer than mine, still had some leftover and had to hear how I didnt spend my money right…..

@KristineS 10 дней назад

@@DanceChickaDee I’m so sorry, big hugs, I hope you’ve realized out how amazing you are for getting through something like that. It’s sad that the most caring loving people lose their sense of worth because of because of situations like this. Much love to you.

@DanceChickaDee 9 дней назад

@@KristineS hmmm…. I actually never looked at it that way….. I never saw it as getting thru something like that but more like I was putting other people thru things and causing others to have difficulties because of what had fallen onto me…… But I appreciate you saying that 🥲 ❤️ It really never crossed my mind to see it that way and that kinda made me feel strong reading your comment💪🏽

@DrJaimeZuckerman 9 дней назад

Glad you found this video helpful!

@HRPFayetteville Месяц назад

I gave up when I was about thirty 5 now im fifty two Yeah, well at the same time, if you had a mom that abused you all the time, would you keep going back and getting abused? I mean, just think of getting smacked in the face every time you go home, oh I know my mom or my dad's gonna smack me in the face, if they. Don't like something I say, as an adult. Are you gonna keep going back and being in a relationship with that person they lie to you? They manipulate you, they put you down all the time they demean you? I mean, my mom was sitting there. Just fine, 1 minute and the next minute she turned looks at me like she just stepped in a doll, dog poop and I have no idea why. The reality is they have a problem that they never dealt with that they refuse to see, nor will they ever see it. No matter how much you cry, how much you, please how much you defend. Thank you. You cannot change the way they see you and it's not you. It's all in their own head. That's the worst part. Cause they don't even know you. They've never even met you. And you don't know them either. Because you've never really met them neither.

@scar-lett6838 27 дней назад

That was so on point. They really don't know you. Never did and never will. They never met you. And they don't even want to.

@lorihoop3831 20 дней назад

They don't know you, you don't know them and show extremely little concern about their own grandkids. If that is something valuable, I don't see the value of a relationship with a person like that. It's same as talking to a stranger, except after talking to the stranger you'll feel good about yourself. After talking to the narc, you don't. Pay attention to energy shifts, you can feel them with enough practice.

@enigma5651 18 дней назад

Beat video ever on this subject! Amazing clarity. Thankyou ❤

@DrJaimeZuckerman 17 дней назад

So appreciate your feedback! Thanks for sharing.

@Floryhadas 11 дней назад

Recently learned by my daughter that my mother is a narcissist. My sister and I were abused verbally and physically from childhood until adulthood… I’ve been supporting my mother financially for over 20 yrs (I’m the youngest of 4 but the only one working in the US). When we have tried to tell my mother about the way her behavior hurt us… she would always reply “if doing what you said I did to you, look at how you turn out! Can you imagine if I didn’t do anything?” And goes on to minimize any of the pain that we went through. Therefore I personally have been working on my mental health for multiple years and recently cut contact with my mother. I still support her but have no interest on communicating..

@Lp-vw1lf 15 дней назад

Thank you so, so much Dr. Zuckerman and the comments from this community. So very helpful. I've experienced nearly everything you shared! Dr. Z. It has taken time and therapy to become indifferent. I appreciate the validation, support and tremendous understanding. Yes, I definitely agree with you about the mourning phase. Cant' thank you enough and will listen several more times, I am certain!

@DrJaimeZuckerman 14 дней назад

Thanks for watching and glad it can help you

@nanacepar5212 23 дня назад

Thank you for clear and honest explanation of very difficult and confusing issue.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 23 дня назад

❤

@DanceChickaDee 11 дней назад

45:06 I can attest to this! Exactly what happened. My mom cried to the therapist and then complained about paying the copay that she initially offered to pay. Waste of time and money and only made my mom feel better and empowered her for her “efforts”

@Roxas2010 Месяц назад

It makes me wonder why god out me in this earth so I can suffer. I think I’m doing well with my life but living a life with no love it’s no life at all. I have lost soo much because of her. For so long even now it’s so hard to connect with ppl and longing for that acceptance there’s so much so much more. This what I get for heeding gods words to respect your parents I’m the one who got fucked physically emotionally and psychologically

@fabiennegoydadin9046 25 дней назад

Please don’t be mad at God for what your mother did to you. Religious people love to take the Bible to manipulate others with God’s word. My mother would pull that verse out on me then one day (many years later) the Lord showed me another verse “do not provoke your children to anger” Ephesians 6:4 when she used that verse on me I went back at her with that verse, she didn’t know what to say. Priceless 😊 I have been no contact with my mother for three years. I am 60 years old. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted.He healed my heart and it’s been the best time of my adult life. God, will absolutely turn around what was meant for evil into something good. Please allow Him to do that for you. Many blessings to you on your healing journey.

@arsenelupiniii8040 17 дней назад

pwNPD tend to lean on that whole "Respect thy father and mother" hooey. They use it against their children.

@Lauramt2287 3 дня назад

Great video. My mom only comes around when she needs/wants something. I gave her 4k because she got fired, it wasn't enough. She told me off when I refused to give her more money. I had to go no contact because I was tired of being her ATM.

@TTdavidTT 11 дней назад

Super intresting Video, would love to see one for Dads who have children with a Narcissistic ex and how to support your children

@DrJaimeZuckerman 11 дней назад

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the suggestion!

@jasonw2696 15 дней назад

Everything you have described is exactly what my mother-in-law has done throughout the entire family. She drove a wedge between her son and his wife . And drove a wedge between me and her daughter. She destroyed two of her own personal marriages. And her entire childhood family . They will also with their grandchildren keep them in a completely dependent state . I begged my wife to kick this evil woman out of our family permanently, but she kept letting her back in and leaving me alone with this evil witch !!! I was blamed to be the bad guy because I threatened to call the cops on this crazy woman because I had no ability to even kick her out of my own home ! It was absolutely F ing horrible it actually destroyed my family. My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce due to this crap! Lawyers won't listen to me Guardian At Leitem won't listen to me. The judge won't listen to me.

@Lynn-d8m 6 дней назад

When you grow up with a narcissist mom you just think everyone grows up that way. I thought I was in the typical family. Not until I moved out of state did I notice wow, mom said I abandoned her and stepdad. You are RIGHT on!

@laurafountain8755 15 дней назад

I knew something was definitely majorly wrong with my mother since I was a teenager. I also knew that somehow she was able to hide this from everyone else around me. I was even familiar and well read with basic psychiatry. But never could quite figure out what was wrong. I finally realized, about 5 years ago, at age 55 or so, what it was! Since there has been more information on Narcissistic personalities available on line I was finally able to put my finger on it! She is the poster child of a convert narcissist. This was an epiphany for me. Everything makes sense now. She sabotaged everything I tried to do and all of my relationships. Always was able to make me think it was me or someone else in my life. Even went so far as saying "this is what I get after changing all of your dirty diapers!" This video really hits home and is so dead on that it's almost scary. I only wish I had understood all of this when I was much younger. But at least I have the opportunity to change generational family issues with my own adult children now.

@CamillaReginBacklund 17 дней назад

Thankyou for This. I ...have 0 contact since 2 years beaucase i feelt like dying my whole life. Now is the Healing part its soo Hard. But i will never Go back.

@ErmaEllis-i2r 16 дней назад

Absolutely love this. Explains a lot😊

@harmony4945 3 дня назад

Thank you! This video had helped me greatly!

@DrJaimeZuckerman 3 дня назад

Glad to hear!

@tamaragralec3168 9 дней назад

I lost all hope around a year ago. I'm 35, so not too late to feel free. I guess it's never too late. I'm past the anger phase, but I think I haven't touched the grief part yet. Grief over the true maternal love I've never got. I'm not delusional, she never loved me as she was supposed to. I've been married for 15 years now, mother myself for the last 3 years and she doesn't care of me or my child. She shows up only for the appearances - so she can boast around her friends how great she is. I also have a teenage sister with Down syndrome and when I look at how she treats her (like a handbag), I feel soo sorry for my little sister and for myself too...

@littleaboutalotnotalotaboutshi 17 дней назад

😢 my mother don't even try to cover it up she tells me she hates me and she wishes I'd never been born

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

lucky you. I've spent my whole caring for, especially time wise and financially, a bunch of people that hated me and never called love.

@user-wi9hv2pb2q 16 дней назад

I dint mean it was pleasant for you, but you can use it. I can use my fake live by forcing g them to do something normal in public to keep up the 'love charade..' You get the freedom from an open hatred. Both instances are sad.

@ingegaasbeek296 Месяц назад

Thank You! This was/is so very helpful and healing!❤

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

So glad to hear that!

@izzypaynee 15 дней назад

44:00 the thing about what happens with my dad is word for word. That SHOCKED me. That is EXACTLY what happens when I set boundaries with my mum. My dad gets mad at me and asks me to make up with her and their relationship starts going to shit. They have nearly divorced multiple times when I’m distanced from my mum. HOLY FUCK she also got us family therapy!!!!! This is WORD FOR WORD my fucking experience

@DanceChickaDee 11 дней назад

11:05 Yes! I’ve struggled so much with being a people pleaser. My parents are divorced and I’m the youngest and only girl who looks and acts just like my father who moved to NYC a week after I graduated high school from AZ. I was the first to give my parents a grandchild and I have done things completely different than my mom ever did. I always feel the shame and guilt for not living up to my mother’s standards. My mom waits for me to fail so I will reach out to her for support so she can say in her head “I told you so”. If I confide in her about my struggles she weaponizes it against me by telling others later on that she was there supporting me thru it all just because she was a listening ear to my problems. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Every sentence triggers me, But I have to remember she’s not gonna change.

@Lyrielonwind 7 дней назад

Giving them information about you it's giving them ammunition.

@concernedcitizen2076 13 дней назад

Agree to 90%, my mother was a borderline narcisist with ocasional psycopatic episodes. I have been pondering the question if she ever loved me and the answer must be no - she did not, I was an extension of her and a tool for her getting attention, support and validation, she was not capable of love, she was sort of a biological robot - it was all mental machinery. She "died" herself as a child from mental abuse from a "dead" psycopatic mother. (see Andre Green "the dead mother" complex.) This generational nightmare ends with me.

@pattimhall7888 Месяц назад

thank you for this, and so much more Dr. Z!

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

aww thank you!

@fabulousfamily564 11 дней назад

This was helpful. Thank you.

@DrJaimeZuckerman 9 дней назад

Glad you found it helpful!

@linlinali 17 дней назад

btw narc mums can be simply just controlling without even telling you why as you r nobody to them you r a toddler forever in their eyes who will never grow up so they will alwas know whats good for you. i remember once my aunty (her sister) had to tell her off for her not letting me wear an outfit i wanted for an event we all were going to as a family and she wanted me to wear an outdated austrian folk style outfit like a theater outfit which was nothing to do with the current fashion so i felt like a toddler where she forced the clothes ideas on me. she would do this all the time never bought clothes for us always we get them from red cross for free but she spends money on herself. It kinda stopped when my auntie told her off and I was 17yrs old… she wd still treat me as a toddler.. even years later when i lived abroad for many years and told her about something i was successful in she wd start telling me how much better she knows it all in that foreing country shes never been in her entire life and telling me shes know better how the world works there. this was the moment when i decided i will never ever share anything with her. i was 36at that time..

@yfg1973 17 дней назад

You got in me a follower with this only video. So spot on. Thanks. Suscribing

@DrJaimeZuckerman 17 дней назад

Thank you :)

@KarsonsChannel 16 дней назад

Will you do a video on covert/neglectful fathers and their adult sons?

@DrJaimeZuckerman 16 дней назад

Thanks for the suggestion! Will add this to our list :)

@meganengland3252 Месяц назад

Nailed it!

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

Thank you!

@wmhhealth2018 20 дней назад

I've dated 3 narcissistic mothers with daughters. Most recently my ex and her middle daughter were barely on speaking terms. It's not hard to understand.

@motolarry 7 дней назад

There are many ways the lack of empathy manifests. Our daughter was about 10 when she panicked and tried to touch the bottom, during her Club swimming comp. I remember she had already expressed anxiety about swimming a length for the first time. Rather than provide love or comfort my wife’s reaction was to get angry.. I wasn’t there but, other mothers went out to the vehicle to try to reason with her. When she related the incident to me it was all about her and how all these other women were a pack of b…..s. Nothing about the psychological long term effects this kind of parenting has on our daughter or mother daughter relationships. The reality is our daughter is now the third generation of women, in our family with a significant dose of this personality disorder. The sad thing is they have no idea, it’s always everyone else. The way this one’s played out our daughter now has the upper hand and her mother has now got the short end of the stick.

@lisawanderess 12 дней назад

I'm thankful to my mother for teaching me how to be a great mother: I just do everything I wish she had done for me but didn't and don't do what she did to me! 😂

@MD-vb1hq Месяц назад

Spot on! So validating. Thank you

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

Happy you found it validating :)

@screwvo83 20 дней назад

What if they showed up in your state from another state without my concent.. actually I told them it's not the right time to come here. But they still come.. it seems like it's so wrong to just let them take the plane home disappointed, it's ridiculous cuz it's like they use it as a excuse almost since they lie

@1anonymousgrl162 20 дней назад

Set the damned boundary, friend 😅

@tnt01 19 дней назад

Do not feel guilty, no one has the right to show up to your home unnanounced, it is rude and innapropriate.

@screwvo83 18 дней назад

@1anonymousgrl162 had to my life slowly got better when I stopped talking to everyone then slowly observing who is hating on me

@screwvo83 18 дней назад

@@tnt01 💯

@LW-mq1zl 17 дней назад

My mother visited a few weeks ago after I went very low contact w her for the last year & 1/2. She said she was arriving late morning and I told her to give me plenty of text notice since I had intermittent cell service. She texted me at 9:30 am saying she was on my street and “where do I find you?” I made her wait for an hour and a 1/2 as I was elsewhere and had things to do… late morning!

@anicyb 9 дней назад

Omg you just described my life thank you!

@DrJaimeZuckerman 9 дней назад

❤

@NoclueMan-j3v 13 дней назад

My wife,now x wife poisoned the family dog the night before the daughters wedding,and it was exactly a manipulative and attention seeking move. I still find this hard to fathom. Capable of what you can't imagine.

@flowersofthefield340 11 дней назад

Theyare capable of pure evil 😈 ....... she was doing a dry run

@Mara_143 16 дней назад

Sooo accurate.💔

@debbievoss3496 5 дней назад

Fun, fun everywhere I turn, " Do this, don't do that, everywhere are signs. Hmph, imagine that. Me working for you..."

@user-hr8rn1hf9i Месяц назад

Wow so helpful. Thanks .

@DrJaimeZuckerman Месяц назад

Glad you found it helpful.

@CreateMyOwnOpportunities 11 дней назад

To be honest. I dispised my narcissist ex. She destroyed EVERYTHING & EVERYONE. They know what they're doing. I severed any communication with the ex. Don't care if she exists or not. The final nail to the coffin was my daughter's disrespectful attitude. I wished her well & don't ever talk to me. I did forgive her, but no more bulls@t. I started a new life in a new country. No regrets & there are people out there in horrible circumstances, a 1000-fold or more.