Narcissistic relationships RUIN your COMMUNICATION SKILLS 

Absolutely

So true!

Agreed, but worth a try if you do not know for sure. If you talk to someone in a measured way and they lose their shtt, now you know. So my new mantra and y’all know it… Point your feet in the opposite direction of the problem and ambulate.

Very true. It took me 20 years (and a divorce) to understand this. If you treat your partner like a regular person who can engage in regular communications, you set yourself up for a forest full of bear traps.

​@MichaelBroder same here (plus SIX children - now grown). That divorce saved...my...LIFE! And spoiler alert: no, my ex-husband hasn't "evolved" at all. He has a new, very young supply now (poor girl, wish I could warn her), and seems to only be WORSE. THESE PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE! RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK! 👌🏾

Good luck finding two people like that - anywhere!! 😆

@@michelleluisce isn't that the truth my friend

Thank you for saying this ❤️

Non antagonistic is key

Spot on!!

I really understand what you are saying... so I am sending big hugs for you 🫂

Exactly. I overthink everything I do or say. The other day I heard about a woman who had a premie and I know she has to drive back and forth to pittsburgh everyday. I do not know her, I heard about her through my vet tech. I decided to buy her a gift card for gas. That was my spontaneous thought. I did it but starting thinking things like are you just doing this to show off etc. Who do you think you are etc. It was a spontaneous thought, I followed through but the mental gymnastics will continue for days.

I hear you. I understand. Facing the same challenges. Live in fear of communication.

Me too , i second ( third , fifth) guess may be anything and everything - so much so that it causes me stress - n thus i have stopped communicating to so many people , i don't want to solve "riddles" now - it tires me , I don't want to talk to anyone who is not straight forward even my own mum , i sometimes just chose to shutdown - i would rather prefer to be alone . And this is also causing so much hindrance in my career growth - I am a consultant , I am paid to talk but I have lost confidence in public speaking /presentations (which are my bread n butter) I need to work on these

Yes, being around narcissistic parents trained me to overexplain, justify, and defend everything. Personal information (and opinions/reactions/emotions) gets used against you, so I simply stopped sharing information about myself. This personality style wastes so much of your time and energy.

Exactly what it is, nothing about it helps you.

Yep don’t engage. It’s the only way

It’s so aggravating when you forget this and take the bait.

@@iamlaDy19 , That "hope"...

This is so very true. Sometimes when I think back and try to recall how my ex responded to something I said, I can’t remember. Now I realize that’s because he probably did not say anything. He may have just given me that blank stare of his that meant “we’re done here.” Or he would cry and I would instantly cave.

Brilliant and spot on!

Ditto

And that's what they're hoping you'll do. It's part of the manipulation.

They purposely twist your words because they thrive on drama, chaos, and the pain of other people. Everything is used against you - your personal information, opinions, any reactions or emotions. It's just used for their gossip, drama, lies.

Oh yes!... Sometimes people deserve more patience and I just can't give it wthout suspicion 🧐

Lol so that

Bingo!

Me too. After I escaped the abusive narc ex, I made a decision that after I'd been to hell and back already, I wasn't going to put up with narc BS from anyone anymore. Life is better now. 😊

@@AnnAndNala Yeah, I kicked 'em all out of my life.

Yes, but the focus here is how doing so makes us lose our abilities to communicate with EVERYone

@@LindaC616 I know.

😃Hey that Linda has almost the same handle that I have!

@lindac6919 hey there! 😄 I'm on the east coast

@@LindaC616 Pacific Northwest Native here. Pleased to meet you, coast to coast!

I listened to this last night "Decode Secret Speech" by Sam Vaknin. This also helps to understand their deliberate techniques.

It is extremely exhausting to deal with, especially if you truly really believe that they just misunderstood you! These monsters do it on purpose!!

​@@yellowdayz1800and that's the really hard part to grasp and try to understand - that they are doing it intentionally. It's planned. It's calculated. It's deliberate.

Intentionally refusing to understand is unloving. So many of us got trapped in unloving marriages when our spouse lied as they vowed to love us and be totally committed to us. We had a very small wedding which was being both recorded and photographed throughout. I was, of course, looking intently into my husband's face as he began to recite his vows. Suddenly, he spoke an unscripted, obviously cheesy-fake sentence with a very strange look on his face, a weird "smile" which I immediately remembered from the first time I noticed he was looking at me from across a room. So this was only the second time I'd seen this look on his face. Once our relationship started to destabilize, I saw it "turn up" more often, when he was being a smartass and mocking me. You all know what it was-- the "smirk." One day I sneaked my camera into my hand and attempted to take a picture of that face while he was ragging on me for nothing but his own amusement. I found out quickly that HE KNEW EXACTLY what he was doing, because in the one second it took for him to see my phone and for me to snap the pic, he managed to straighten his face out! He did NOT want me to have that photo. However, anyone can see from that photo that he was purposefully making a strange face at me, even if the smirk was being straightened out. I didn't know what narcissism was, but I most certainly knew that something evil was lurking within him. When I started looking & listening to him for the purpose of noticing his intentions, I was shocked to find so much 'evidence' of no love or empathy in his heart. I felt my sail luff within, and I knew I was steering a wrong course and my boat was flailing in the water, headed for disaster.😢 But we were in a big boat with a tall sail, the kind that requires at least 2 people to handle it...😢😪

​@@truthseeker-mk4rtThank you for that. I was just about to ask HOW and WHERE we can relearn, to improve our communication skills, because I now see that I have a problem. I'd been really sick just before our break-up, and have spent the last six months recovering. The illness was neurotoxic, affecting my motor skills and my brain's abilities, so I didn't realize until today that part of what I've been experiencing is due to the horrible ways I learned to interact or not interact, as the case may be, with my narcissist ex-husband.

Exactly 💯

Next month 38 years for me and my health has been compromised the last 15 years. I cannot drive since I turned 55, I’m fixing to turn 57 next month 4 days before our 38 th anniversary. I’m isolated scared and don’t know what to do still!! Last weekend was epic and exhausting but my reactional abuse still occurs and that is another ❤thing all on me I know. makes things worse. I can’t leave. He can’t no matter what because of other reasons. Any advice. I don’t have many resources. Just got on facebook last month! So I’m way behind. Thanks to dr R I have listened to her a few years she is the main validation I can get. I thank you for the comment because I know someone understands ❤

@@lainaentzminger9903keep listening and learning with Dr.Ramani. It will make so much sense to you. The FOG. (fear, obligation, guilt) will begin to dissipate. The way ahead will be clearer.

The only communication with a narcissist is its one sided . They rant you listen. It's simple.

Me too 😢

I’m glad I was only with mine for 5years. Can’t imagine the abuse of 30years of dealing with them

It seems that, like me, you use humor to cope. Love the lyrics

This is “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon

Haha 😊 "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" Paul Simone 💕.

@@KathieMihindukulasuriya gotta have some humor when dealing with narcissists. they are literally adult aged toddlers lol. cheers, steven 🍁

@@777Pattie correct, thanks for the heads-up. wishing all the best. cheers, steven 🍁

I completely resonate with this. I even typed out a fight I had word for word, read it to my therapist and at the end she said, "It's him, not you." I was so relieved! I tell myself that all the time now, "It's them, not me," "It's them, not me," "It's them, not me."

​@@websurfer5772 💪💛

I totally get what you're saying. I'm so glad that you found a good psychologist to help with that and that you have come through it

​@@websurfer5772Right? I used to over explain my side of things and I tried to be as fair as I could possibly be even more fair to the narcissist when I was explaining them to other people. When you're trying to explain this to other people you feel like they're not going to really believe you because what you're telling them is really unbelievable.

@@sharicoburn5475 exactly and sometimes, since our parents are narcissistic, we also choose narcissistic friends. We can have the same friends for 20-30 years and wake up one morning and realized we feel this way because our entourage kept us in a unhealthy state of mind. The only thing we know is abuse, how can we tell it's not normal? We can't... And yes, it's unbelievable for therapists, others friends (lots of enablers), I found my peace since I isolated myself, I can create art again, I found myself a little bit. Sometimes it hurts so much that the only way to survive is by being alone until you know your worth. Don't lose your energy to explain yourself, they are committed to not understand, just leave and never look back. It hurts at first but then, you realize things you couldn't see without leaving. The most important person in your life is YOU. Your sanity, your freedom, your happiness is the only thing that should matter, every day!

Oh no. This sounds right.

It goes both ways, I think you meant *(his and/or hers)

@@EpicAdventure21yes absolutely

So true 😔 I walk on eggshells around the narc husband, afraid to discuss anything as he is volatile and always causes an argument, even over petty stuff. He will glaslight, deflect, manipulate - and on top of that, he will then give me the silent treatment, most of those have been months at a time! They deliberately make out they don’t understand what you’re saying. They are never the problem. No wonder there’s never a resolution, acknowledgement or apology. Infact, the arguments are not even about what the issue was in the first place. He gets personal just to get a reaction so the focus is taken away from his behaviour. I’ve wasted nearly 30 years thinking one day a miracle will happen and he will realise the damage he has done to our family/marriage, but nope, because narcs don’t want to change, they know what they’re doing, it’s a choice they make. I have GAD and social anxiety as well as other anxiety disorders, and I hesitate talking to people, even family, as I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. I get my words mixed up sometimes like my brain is tied in knots. Narcs confuse us. They drain us. We will look back and realise what a total darn waste of our life spent with these evil beings 😔

@@nickijames5122 I’ve been thinking about this all day and can relate to everything you said. It definitely feels like precious years wasted, but I have more years to live and don’t have to waste the rest of them! I keep reading “they never change” and I finally understand what that means. Wishing only the best for you. No one deserves to feel this way.

@@sl1456 I've read they can't change even if they want to. 😐

Yep. Reaching out has consequences, more often than not. I'm not just talking about my narcistic abuser. Thanks for sharing this reality.

I had to stop halfway through because of crying. Blows my mind how someone can act this way and not see it at all. Second marriage, almost 13 years, down the drain. Even celebrated my 50th birthday last week alone. He still hasn’t even acknowledged it. Ruined our very first (and second) anniversary too. I moved out for 10 days on our first anniversary. Should have stayed gone! He’s a joy vampire. I’m in limbo at the moment because the economy sucks, but I will be leaving hopefully within the next month. Can’t wait to escape.

Dealt with this, did you al have any kids with them?

You start to think all those were always MANIPULATED in the first place...

Same here! And divorce. Butt knowledge... was life saving. Still is. ❤

Ty for sharing, I will try that

If you are allowed to leave. They would call you ten times while you are out:"why is this taking too long...when will you be back..." and the tone gets worse with minutes. I watched a guy do this to his wife.

Was it me???​@@faithkadiri1254

wow we are kinda similar in this situation! im with a Narc 24/7 on work & live , & im an introvert so i don’t go out & socialize at all. when we are not working together we are on the phone 7-8 hrs straight!!!!!

@@JDFuneralDirector ❤️😀

😂❤

Been there 😢

I have playlist of narcissism videos. There is one Dr. Ramani video in particular I find myself returning to when I feel vulnerable. Sometimes I have to replay it several times before I get my equilibrium back, but it always works.

Took me years but I got there too. When I shut that door it was never opening again

Your family isn't safe

I’ve learned this years ago with my ex. It’s like they stare off into another world while you’re talking. Or they just twist every word I’m saying and turn it on me

@@PoyTroythe worst part is they actually think they’re right, it’s not like they are arguing because they don’t want to admit the are wrong, they just can’t imagine that could be wrong.

😂 jayzus

@marioVSN..... Yep, ditto

🤣🤣

😅 So true! My brother and sister in law did the same thing. "We want to work things out and move forward in a healthy way. That being said, you can't make decisions for you and your family without our approval." 😅😅😅

Yep. I've even found that if my husband and I start fighting, I go in the other room and type him an email about it, read it and edit it before sending it, and it goes much better when we talk to each other that way. Luckily, we're both into typing all day anyway though. Not everyone has that option, I just realized.

Many first-generation immigrant parents save their frustrations for their children, while being obsequious to the society they’re new to. My father did this (and had vulnerable narcissistic traits). and my siblings internalized both.

Hear hear!

I concur!

... at least 18. 😂😂😂👍👍

@@irenahabe2855 Exactly 18!!!!! 🤣🤣😆

SAME I RELATEVTO YOU once iy was so bad that I almost lost my ability to present coherent thoughts statements. I've always had bad throat/asthma problems duevto not able yo express clearly it sucks

@@dollytanwar4918 I so sorry to hear that, I hope you’re recovering in your speech ❤️‍🩹

Because they are NEVER wrong, in their own mind. If they acknowledged straightforward communication, they would have to take responsibility for their own words/behavior. They only pretend to 'not get it'. 🤷‍♀️

Oh gosh! That is so true! We overanalyze everything after that... the version that MAY be true, the version that CAN be, the lie we know exists, and the intuition telling us something else... They always use a half-truth, but which part is the truth? That you'll never know, and if you do, it's worse than you can imagine. I can't reverse that now. I overanalyze everything, even 12 years later... I really have trust issues, and I don't think I can get over it.

​@@Cass_772😢😢😢 Omg. Your words hit home. 💣💥

Narcissistic folks are attracted to good communicators because they’re unable to communicate within their own heads and sometimes outwards too. So they rely on significant others in their sphere to reframe their mistakes in communication. Yet, they never see that and often will be angered when others try to help them finish a sentence they can’t get out or try to interpret things which were misspoken

@@cindynimmo You're right. I hadn't thought about this in isolation before. Yikes.

That’s because one is only an object with a narcissist-not a person. They only see themselves in the mirror and others don’t really exist to them. This is the pathology of narcissus.

​@@sarahwilhelms2015 It's a monologue instead of a dialogue with them. We don't matter enough to them for them to actually listen. They already have the script written, and anything we say ruins their script. 💯

Play around with Chat GPT. Type answers to interview questions then ask it to change tense ie. Friendly, Confident, or 8th, 12th grade level, college level etc. etc. Then memorize. Also Denis Sesal hr expert videos. Hope this Helps! PRAISE JESUS ❤

Play around with Chat GPT. Type answers to interview questions then ask it to change tense ie. Friendly, Confident, or 8th, 12th grade level, college level etc. etc. Then memorize. Also Denis Sesal hr expert videos. Hope this Helps! ❤ PRAISE JESUS

I think it's the other way around. And we're only responsible for 50% of our relationships.

After 25 yrs with a malignant narc, I'm afraid to get into a healthy relationship because I don't know how to communicate anymore. I just shut down a few years into the marriage, went Grey Rock. I couldn't take the constant fighting and I was beginning to loose my sanity. Meal times were spent in silence, as were car rides. Sex was awful. We never went out alone because we had nothing to say to each other. We mainly texted, brief msgs

And amazingly, you still get it wrong. There's no way to get it right.

@@BeachPeach2010 correct! Because they change the rules in the middle of the game!

My memory is great! I write things down to DOCUMENT what happens with family or at work. CYA. It's a sad reflection of society, and our own family, that documentation is necessary to protect yourself.

And yet they crave it like candy, and suck you dry until only a husk remains.

My nEx would complain that I didn't talk with him, because I'd have long conversations with my brother when he came by. He didn't have the self awareness to realise that he was the problem. He never even pretended to listen when I talked 😢

You need to find the new job and get hired (and give a notice period to both companies) before you leave your existing job. It’s the only way it works I’ve found, at 23 years old without losing money. Because I too used to just quit toxic jobs when I was younger with no backup plan, then get stuck with being unemployed and having to claim benefits. It was a very tumultuous time. I hope this helps. But our experiences do make us stronger. I wish you all the best 😇😇

This is so true. I started to feel scared to even meet people at interviews, bcoz it generated emotions of being interrogated, and cornered, and I dreaded them.

You story is so heartbreaking. I pray for your divine healing and happiness soon. May the heavens bless you xx😇😇💝💝

I, too, struggle to take anything at face value. My radar is constantly on. I over analyze and try to decipher the true meaning of what a person is saying. I'm much more guarded now

YOur mom should spend a good amount of time in nature to get grounded and also take her physical health regiment seriously including walking, workouts, nutrition, etc.

At least she finally got rid of her. There's still mourning and healing to go through though and I know that's not an easy road. Blessings to your mom.

🤗

Because you’re a deeply loving, caring, kind, compassionate, empathetic mother who loves her children. You remind me of my mother and we get abused by my dad too. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. 😇😇🤗🤗

@@brandonhealy7158 you are lovely 🥰 Thank you.

@@brandonhealy7158 thank you for your kindness ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I couldn't believe it when I saw this in my natal chart. It's my destiny (North Node) to be alone all the time. I'm a Pisces sun but my North Node is in Cancer. I've been trying to come to terms with it every day. My whole chart reiterates this all the way down to the asteroids. Other people's don't, I've checked. Mine says it's rare. I'm also 80% extroverted so this feels like I've been put on Time Out. What a life.

As an autistic person, I ask that you please not conflate autism with narcissism. They can coincide, but they are different conditions. I’m glad that you are free of difficult relationships. It sounds like the people in your life were emotionally immature and possibly also narcissistic. It is my experience that men get a lot more leeway to say totally out-of-pocket things when they’re on the Spectrum, and that’s not fair to anybody - including them! We’re not teaching autistic kids about kind communication on the level we should, so we can often end up stumbling through it as adults - or if we’re unfairly privileged, maybe we don’t even bother to learn it. The main difference is that it’s hard to “read the room” when you’re autistic, whereas a narcissist often has the insight but just doesn’t care. If you put both in one person, that definitely is a nightmare. Thanks for sharing your experience and I hope you have a great day!

If you're not the spectrum, then it's possible that it's also due to your communication problem. Learn about the Double Empathy Problem. ASD is not the same as NPD.

@@FallingIn2TheVoid You wrote an entire essay to justify not making it YOUR responsibility, knowing YOU have ASD, to gain enthusiastic consent. This is why I stay away from ASD people who use it as an excuse for bad behavior. The label (narcissism, ASD, etc...) is irrelevant; the behavior is all that matters.

Honey, don't tell your family anything about this. It's not going to work out well for you. Keep listening to videos like this and only be a gray rock around them. Sorry, that's the best advice there is .

I’m so sorry. It’s time to let go of your evil family. You can still love them, but from a distance far far away, nowhere near them. Make sure you live your best life happy and independent of them. Blessings for you 😇😇

I just realized it's also messed up my thinking and my ability to meditate or stay asleep.

I hear you. Me too. It has not only been shocking to me. I think it’s been surprising and hard to understand for people I have known for so many years. But I do seem to be getting better now that it is three years post split.

It would be hilarious if it weren't so sad. My communication with my nEx was also restricted to writing. Short sentences, single paragraphs, few points. He always replied in mono syllables

Stop talking to him. It's the only way.