@@emilypolite5851universal truth is like that, probably all of us could have written it very similarly. Take it as a good sign that you're not alone or uniquely broken 😊
48 yr old and i've never known a true connection to anyone. The only thing i've ever been good at is keeping people away from me. Counseling is finally showing me alot of this and your videos are helping alot. Keep doing what you're doing! You are a treasure to so many of us. Thanks
Haha! Thank you for sharing. I found Heidi just about this time last year, and nearly threw my phone out of the car window at one point while listening to Heidi. I absolutely adore & respect her, always have, but for a moment I was going down in a spiral and thought, "How can she be so heartless!"
Four reasons why Heidi's videos are truly remarkable: 1) Shared with love, care and often through personal experience... It feels as though Heidi's primary purpose in being here is to share what she knows so that others can grow (as opposed to others who are primarily here to sell product or show themselves off to get clients / speaking engagements) 2) Shared with both explanations of diagnosis together with invitation to action... She ensures that she blends ways to identify issues, together with ways to address, grow and move forward 3) Outstandingly clear.... always delivered with a blend of science in clear language supported by anecdotes, self-references and delivered with great care ... as if she truly wants each of us to be able to internalize each topic that she researches, experiences and shares 4) Human... kind, understanding and open... helping to return us to ourselves THANK YOU!!!
Very much appreciated Heidi, you have a rare talent of clear insight + ability to cut through the shame + a method to explain in such a way that imparts a whole multitude of ‘lightening flash’ moments.
I’ve been operating under the assumption that I have to find closure in feelings, or else they will fester and take over. Now I see that sitting with feelings (actually listening to them) can prevent things from festering. The difference is sitting with the actual feelings, and not your judgments and thoughts about your feelings. Wow!
I really appreciate the consistent effort you put into these concise, articulate, and super helpful lectures, Heidi. The hard work shows - the writing and speaking skill you’ve honed really make these complex & important ideas accessible. Thank you!
Thank you Heidi Priebe so much for every single video of yours. I really write this from the bottom of the heart. I do not come from Psychology background. Recent events in my life led me to randomly scrolling You-tube and I saw a video with title "Shadow Work " by you and I was curious. I've watched several of your videos on multiple topics and its like I'm developing skills to put the pieces of a huge jigsaw puzzle - 'My life' together with a self-awareness journey.💝 I'm slowly able to make sense of my being with also reading books suggested by you.
This makes me realize that avoidant attachment stems from internalizing that it is “normal” to live life in loneliness (due to emotional neglect) and unconsciously dissociating.
She also has another great video on avoidant attachment discussing how it develops by a child learning to analyze an inconsistent parent’s behavior to *avoid* negative outcomes. I found it very helpful personally.
Neuroticism(mental and emotional pain) - lives in body, registered by emotional system. Fear of life with undeveloped skills to cope with life.-substitute to suffering legitimately. Developmental Blind spot around what is required based on inner state with respect to what is going on around outer environment. Addiction Perfectionism Ruminating thoughts Compulsive behaviour Rigid pattern of Thinking and behaving Limerence thought pattern Obsession unconscious - defense mechanism avoided working through the problem. Repression Projecting Numbing out Doing compulsive activity Super busy/obsession/problem didn’t make it to conscious mind Unconsciously avoiding situation that might trigger an awareness of the problem Misplacing the emotion to other people or object around that problem Alignment to reality- understand pain and develop ability to associate correctly. Where emotion is coming from? How we want to deal with emotion? Developmental psychology: Why body feels off and we don’t understand it as normal response to situations. Deeply seen loved and supported might feel like neglect as child we were neglected but never told that was neglect rather as normal. Lack of emotional literacy. Shame bound. Incomplete information leading to wrong conclusion. Emotional and psychological pain and we don’t know why- keep doing something that might help 70% as not doing it will give 100% pain. Instead deal with underlying emotional disregulation and connect to situation that’s causing and deal with it directly. Repressed parts related to neurosis. Neurosis gives important information to heal, integrate repressed parts. Need for deep connection with people could be the need. Neurosis is messengers from exiled selves. Sit with ambiguous and uncertain feeling. 1. Notice feelings and work back to thoughts. Underlying emotion behind the thought. 2. Story behind the feeling. Consciously telling myself this is what I feel and I don’t know why. 3. Putting on hold the story making process till I complete next step. 4. Get familiar with feeling the feeling in body. What is the raw sensation of the feeling. 5. Be present with whatever comes up and be open to be surprised. Get to know the feeling without acting on them. 6. Get comfortable with uncertain emotions and messy life until I can attach them more correctly. This helps to learn authentic selves in wholistic ways to understand quirks, traits etc. meaningful pain is the opposite of neurosis.
I’ve felt weird all day and don’t know how to soothe myself. I grew up suppressing my feelings and now I’m finally learning how to dig them up and identify them, but it’s hard. Having you as a resource for support has taught me so much and helped me to make actual progress. Thank you. 💜
13:00 When you're in a state of distress and your body reacts, it is right. Especially, if you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way that's a bit blown out of proportion for the problem, it is still reacting right because based on the circumstance you were raised and whether you were taught certain skills or not, your body is responding to the situation the way it knows. So in cases where you're hyperfixated on why you're reacting so adversely, you need to think of why deep down and not just look at it and try figure it out surface level.
That prohibition on asking "why am I feeling this way?" was a revelation to me recently. I had realized that the "stories I tell myself" to explain my feelings to myself were not always accurate or even if they were, explaining people's actions to myself does not give them permission to treat me that way. Also the stories I tell myself attributed intentions to the actions and words of the people around me sometimes in ways that they had never intended. The fictional stories I told myself were not something that made me understanding and compassionate and able to forgive where people had trod on my boundaries. The stories I told myself kept me safely disconnected from the people I would want to be close to. (Heidi, your videos are more practical and valuable than any therapy I have ever received. I am so very grateful to you!) The thing is, now that I am trying not to apply assumed meaning to the actions and words of others (usually my husband), I am left only with being aware that he triggers very strong emotions in me. They are uncomfortable. Here's what he does. He doubts my words and only believes anything heard from my voice if he sees corroborating proof. I try to let that lay as his issue, but I feel insulted, frustrated, thwarted in my communication, and completely untrusted and unseen. At worst, I feel vilified if he has to make me be wrong for him to be "right." And frequently when he tells me I am wrong, he says it with scorn or disdain. I am resisting telling myself this story: It is like if he gets something wrong, he feels I am calling him stupid. (Am I??) So he projects the perceived scorn from me, back at me. That is the story I am telling myself. These interactions are almost as frequent as every one I have with him. We barely interact, except when logistically needed. But anyway, reduced to just my feelings in those moments, without the stories to soften the verbal/emotional blow and explain his behavior away, I am noticing my feelings more often. In some ways, I feel more integrated. (Ex: I noticed when I write with a pen, my wrist doesn't hurt from pressing so hard I curl the notebook pages!) But I also find it harder to allow his chronic expression of mistrust and scorn to keep happenning. I suspect my husband has cPTSD too (I do). Abandonment issues. He is a Fight/flight type. I am a flight/freeze. We almost never are able to have reparations. We just end up feeling flayed alive and bitter. We can't get past "When you said...[I felt...is cut off]," because he reconstructs the events in his mind to make it that in the fight he was the calm and rational one. But he accuses me of doing the misremembering of events. We cannot reconcile when the events are recognizable. I am left feeling like, why bother to try for reparations? And when we communicate, it is usually in a pressure cooker moment of trying to get out the door. I will not try to address an insult I felt in that moment. And there is no recourse later. I feel what I feel. It gets harder to just stuff it! I am really looking forward to your next video! I'm not there yet, but healing feels wonderful! (mostly, heh.)
"We internalize something normal when it's not (e.g., emotional neglect). We internalize something abnormal when it's not (e.g., a distressed parent who says they're fine)."
Again, Heidi bringing in EXACTLY the stuff I've been reading on my own. Couple of years ago, deep diving into Attachment Theory, and there she was with the attachment videos. Past couple months, all over Jung and now here we are again, Heidi throwing serious heat with Jung's approach to neuroticism. Thanks, as ever; this was a great vid. The line about what distinguishes a neurotic feeling from simply a feeling being that the object relations in the former case are all jacked up is [chef's kiss].
she seriously feels like a gift to the world fr. I've also studied these things on my own for so long but her way of bringing them forward on video is absolutely invaluable. I am SO GLAD her channel exists and that she's so kind to share this knowledge with us
You're helping me so much more than you'll ever know. Our problems seem so similar. You're helping me see how afraid I am of giving someone power through love. And how long I've been masking my real emotions. Thank you so much for being so good at what you're doing.
This is so accurate, as usual. Logically, I know I'm isolated and lonely, but I experience it as peace, safety, and relaxing solitude. There is no desire to change it because there's no emotion in my awareness that could push me to do so.
Oh thank goodness, I am so HERE for this series. You're such a big help, Heidi. You've a wonderful gift for conveying this stuff in way my brain gets it.
Wow I keep being hit like a train with how spot on you are (not knowing how to show intimacy bc people just kept to themselves other than fighting, only being shown attention when it was negative bleeding into how I relate to others). Please know all your hard work IS helping others. It's helped me A TON.
Heidi. This is deep and needed. This series should give us different angles to view our past trauma from. This gives us tools to “see”what needs to be “healed” “Looked at” and “journaled” “Shadow Work” for unlimited healing 😎.
Like the vitamin deficiency is a kind of starvation, there's also emotional starvation. Worst thing IMO is that if you know you're emotionally starved you can build up some capacity to feed yourself - you just need to know you're starved. But you think it's normal. Even though it hurts like starvation does. And that pain, you block it out with dissociation, because there's "nothing wrong and you shouldn't feel that way and tough it out"...and you block it out because you're not used to emotional care of thinking you could care for your emotions, because emotional starvation.
Lately, I'm noticing, in an unusual way, how these traits are reflected even in the impatience and overwhelming feelings I experience when watching a movie or reading a novel. I usually watch or read the end before I begin to make sure I'm not disappointed or heart broken. I quit one novel after reading more than half of it, simply because a colleague told me my favorite character died at the end. I tend to avoid any kind of emotional pain. So I'm practicing being comfortable with not knowing and corporating with the inevitable through literature. Yet to see how that goes.
Cherish the ability to feel anything, even for fictional characters, and enjoy getting to know them even if you fear losing them- the alternative of being unable to feel is devastating. I am engaged in a (slow) process of "getting to know" my own exiled parts through "phantasy" visualizations and writing as a means of reconnecting with dissociated emotions and memories through those "proxy" selves, so I know what you mean, only from the opposite side of the glass- I've had some success with it, but it takes time (my subconscious has to generate the archetypes in its own time), and I hope you will take it seriously and give yourself time to be successful with your approach. Phantasy can be good practice and preparation for reality (after all, that's how children learn through play, right?)
Healing from neurosis involves: - Noticing and identifying feelings: Without attaching them to a story. - Recognizing neurotic feelings: Understanding they might be misplaced but valid. - Allowing ambiguity: Resisting the urge to immediately understand or resolve feelings. - Being present with emotions: Understanding their raw sensations in the body. - Living with open questions: Allowing feelings to exist without immediate solutions, leading to deeper self-understanding over time.
I react "neurotically" whenever i am criticised/judged. Whether its positive, constructive or negative... all my nervous system feels/registers is "you screwed up" and i flush red and want to cry and hide... sometimes, if i feel confident in the opinion being completely wrong i will become angry and want to justify my position/logic. Whilst i know fundamentally that i am worthy, and its not usually about my character as a whole but just an action/opinion - my body still sees the "confrontation" as a threat. My hardest hurdle to overcome.
I know that you might not be specialized on this specific one, but I would be so grateful if you would cover the topic of neurosis and substance abuse. I recently got help from a specialist and I am currently recovering from my 3 year weed addiction. I resonated deeply with many points you made with this video and I would love to hear your take on this. You have my love and appreciation, you're giving us so much to contemplate on 💖
I’d love to hear you talk more about rumination and the need to overshare! Love your videos, they have helped me remember that I will always choose the pain of change and growth.
At 41:53 the healing process begins. Steps to take in your healing journey. I believe Heidi says it is a 4 or 5 step process again it starts at 41:53 God bless you Heidi for your dedication to healing us ❤
i had basically come to this exact conclusion in regards to my binge eating, but this video really helped in understanding its mechanisms further and giving me concrete and actionable next steps towards healing. and it’s nice to know that freud and jung were already writing about this more than a hundred years ago, it somehow makes me feel less alone. Heidi, i don’t think we could ever thank you enough for the work that you do, saying that it’s life changing would be understating its impact and importance. best believe i’m watching every single ad on these videos because it’s the least i could do to repay you.
I want to share something that happened through my 4 years of therapy. I didn't know why I needed so much time playing videogames and falling behind in life. I stopped playing them and A LOT of suffering came, which I tackled through therapy. It was horrible, but after facing them through a lot of work, my life improved a lot. Now, I know when I want to play videogames, I want to escape my life and something is going wrong that I need to face.
Wow, i have never heard it all explained in such a simple yet informative way. This has given me such a sense of ease knowing I’m not crazy for feeling the way I do. Thank you so much, I truly just felt a giant weight off my chest that I had been trying to lift with diet and exercise lol your videos are a god send and are greatly appreciated!
Micro expressions! That's how we unconsciously read other people's negative behaviour, by imitating their micro expressions. Our bodies are so intelligent. I knew I wasn't happy, but didn't realise the subtle cues I was picking up until I started learning about such things. And your info always helps to deepen my understanding Heidi. Thank you.
Finding your channel last year was sincerely one of the best things that has ever happened for my mental health. The amount of insight i've gained from these videos combined with your clear and compassionate delivery feels like such a balm for the brain/soul, every time. So often you're articulating things i've been stumbling around for a while but almost surely would have taken me a lot longer (if ever) to clarify in such a comprehensive and accessible way. I just turned twenty-three and for the first time in my life I feel like I have the tools to begin muddling my way towards "legitimate pain" as opposed feeling chronically ill-equipped to rise to the task of engaging in life as deeply as I want to. Really, truly thank you.
Wow. Thank you. What you have described here is so filled with insight, depth & details of this complex issue. As I was listening to what you were saying I was nodding in agreement with multiple points, connections & cross references that you were making. Looking at neuroticism through the attachment lens & the reality of unmet childhood needs is brilliant & immensely useful. I don't believe that individuals have weak wills. When our sense of inner strength has been somehow compromised, not yet developed or bullied there is a caving in & a feeling that we cannot hold ourselves up. The truth is that we have not received the support we have needed & we also have not yet found a way to feel the strength that we have the capacity to feel & experience. Saying, thinking or believing that we have a weak will is one more judgement that we can put aside as we come to know ourselves more fully & as we development true strengths that we can rely on.
Heidi, I am so grateful for everything you’re doing. I went through such a transformation with the guidance of your videos. As an anxiously attached person, the first was to accept my childhood unconditionally for what it was and bring my inner child into the present alongside my inner parent. It has been a healing experience to say the least. I still struggle in everyday life in reminding myself and others of my boundaries and feeling self-love, but at least, I’m here and not dwelling somewhere in the past. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you do!!! It is invaluable Also, I named my inner child InCh and inner parent InPa and we’re having the most transformative times figuring out what each of us want 😁
I've been looking for this kind of clear elucidation of neurosis that also references Depth Psychology as well as providing an update for the modern day. One of YT's best psychology channels.
You’re becoming my number one healthy coping mechanism while learning how to become secure. This is incredible. Your content is so precise and so applicable to my everyday reality. Thank you!
I feel like I've listened to similar content but didn't actually hear it. The way you present the information is very easy to understand and appreciate it very much. Thank you❤
Heidi, I have been in therapy for about 14 years. Your content has joined in partnership with the work I do both with my therapist and the work I do between sessions. I’ve mentioned some of your superpowers before, and today I want to let you know that one of those powers is being a catalyst. Thank you for providing the fuel that facilitates connections in my mind and soul and propels me forward in this hard work of healing. Much love back to you.❤❤❤
Love that you incorporated and distinguished the Jungian definition of neurosis in this video. I have enjoyed a lot of your videos because I feel like you have a very healing disposition on these topics and a holistic perspective.
This video is a MASTERPIECE! Thank you for yet another information dense, excellent lesson on what I didn’t know was bothering/ driving me! You explain it so well- what a gift to us all! Thank you for shining your light!❤
Aww Heidi you're doing such amazing work, your life has such meaning! I just want you to know that I have learned so much from you, and even though I'm still on this journey, I wouldn't have made the progress that I have without you. I also had a similar starting point -- everything always seemed just fine in my life, but a few maladaptive emotional habits kept popping up for me, and eventually it reached a pretty drastic tipping point that showed me I need to figure out where they are coming from and make changes in my life. And OH BOY what a can of worms that opened LOL. Being human is so hard
Hello Heidi, do you think you may be interested in packaging your videos as podcasts on Apple Podcasts and Spotify? That would help during walks, runs and activity. :) Thank you!
Yeah. I've been reading Self Analysis by Karen Horney and am just now realizing how neurotic I've been my whole adult life. Heidi, once again, your timing and expertise are spot on. I can't imagine my healing and improvement journey without you. Thank you so much!
This video is wild to me because not only is the core video extremely applicable but every time gave examples on the related concepts, almost all of them were also extremely applicable to me and were things that I never have considered. Yeah... I'm gonna have to watch this one like 7 or 8 times...
I can't wait for the handling ambiguity video that you mentioned. Just hearing a bit about that in context to everything else makes me know that it will be the core of a great deal of my problems.
I. Love. You. This was the top most effective therapy session I have had in 2 years. It took my 1 hour and 15 minutes to get through this as I as I was taking notes and coralating to my own experiences and am now able to see much more clearly what happened in my initial breakup with my girl. It makes total sense. Now, to face some truths about those feelings and decisions...step 4. 😭💔😶🌫️😬🥺😫
A lot of the time I don't know where my emotions come from. I am doing better and allowing them anyways, but I don't always move past that into understanding.
Perfect! A lot of is our intelligent….so smart, we hide things really well, from ourselves! This helps makes everything make sense. (I have Priebe surnames on my dad’s side :) you serve humanity so well!
I just realized a huge emotion I’ve been u conscious of. Its betrayal. Like a panic and shock of being betrayed. I’ve had social anxiety for years, super crippling. I don’t have a single friend. I’m only 22.
I think I chose to never trust anybody ever again. I felt ashamed for trusting the person that betrayed me in the first place. And so I chose to become proud and untrusting and now look down on these feelings of trust and betrayal as weakness in me.
As I’m allowing the panic feeling right now, I’m feeling like intense love and like actually want to meet Heidi and be her soul mate but now it’s going away again because I’m not paying attention and now I’m scared of her again.
Where do you learn all this information and how to deal with these problems? I haven't encountered a lot of the stuff you address in your videos(in therapy or anywhere else). But every time I watch your videos it changes my life.
Fascinating! 🧠 It’s crucial to remember that understanding our deeper, unconscious motivations can significantly enhance our capacity for self-regulation and overall mental wellness.
So a bit random, but as an enfp I think using the Ai chat gpt app has been great. It let's my random thoughts "Ne" deep dive into any subject with something that can keep up! I've found it incredibly helpful!
Thank you for this. I found you and this video almost exactly as I needed in time; to hear this information presented in this way has been a big help in my current ordering journey... lol and thanks!
I love your videos! I appreciate your deep insights. I was neglected in a large and overwhelming home, and I am trying to overcome all of this. It’s been hard waking up to all of it in my mid-40s. To get the most out of your videos, I run the video transcription through AI before I watch it. Thank you for all the hard work you’ve done in healing and sharing it with us!
Heidi, your videos paired with my personal therapy (I have a great therapist too) is a truly powerful combo for the stage of growth, healing, and learning that I'm in right now. I feel deeply grateful for the resources you provide that give me tools and emotional opportunities to actually be in my authenticity and dignity.
It's amazing how many things Heidi talks about that I have overcome and learned on magikk mushroom trips. It makes me wonder if she has tripped herself!
Thank you. This has given me some answers. Part of it, my ex trying to convince me that something was "wrong" with me. I just did not subscribe to her gaslighting and lying that my spidey sense would tell me was wring.
Great video. I see a lot of these factors influencing a lot of my loved ones. Food for thought - maybe not everyone follows the same pattern of maladaptive responses that you describe here. I believe this is where Big-Five aspect of Neuroticism comes in, and I believe you are describing the way people who score high on neuroticism respond the way you describe to the situations you list. And those who are not high in neuroticism respond in different ways. #FoodForThpught #WeSeeTheWorldAsWeAre
I feel as though I’ve come to understand what the root of the pain is, but because understanding that hasn’t seemed to resolve the pain and entirely, I find myself intellectualizing and trying to dig deeper as if there should be more because I don’t feel whole yet after uncovering what I have thus far.
This is absolutely amazing. Thank you so much. I feel so called out in this one, in an exquisitely beautiful way. I have been learning to embrace uncertainty. The safety of certainty is neurotic in nature, what safety?!
