Hi, I'm Heidi Priebe! I make videos about Attachment Theory, personal development and healing from the pain of the past.
Most of the advice offered on this channel comes from personal experience on my own journey of moving from Fearful-Avoidant to securely attached. However, for those of you who are into credentials, here are the ones I've collected en route:
Formal Education: BAH in Psychology MSc in Attachment Theory & Research (Yes, that's a degree!)
I have a need for my husband of 21 years to talk to me, and to be safe to share my thoughts and concerns. But he doesn’t and he isn’t. He has a really invalidating dismissive avoidant attachment style. He turns on the charm for people outside our family. But to me he’s silent and sullen. I’m sick of it. We’re renovating our house. Once its done, and we move back in and the kids are settled I’m divorcing him. I’d rather go and live alone in my car than live in this lonely marriage any longer. I will be a million times happier away from him.
Thank you for this. It was hard and painful to hear and admit how accurate it all is, but beneficial, important and necessary to see, name and admit so that I can take another step in my journey of identifying, unraveling, processing and healing my CPTSD and attachment wounds. 🥲
Thank you. I think i definitely err on the side of being a neglectful padent to my inner child. Then having resentment toward those around me. This kind of work is never ending...lol
Gonna be honest, the first 20 minutes were hard to listen to and the feelings of toxic shame and hindsight recognition kicked in hard, but I prefer now being aware of it than not. Thanks a lot, I'll be reading a lot on that in the coming weeks.
The "background scripts" is so on point. I stumbled and rambled around trying to explain that concept to my therapist and I don't think they understood.
Spilling my attraction to a (now I understand it, avoidant) girl WAY too early in the getting to know you phase was the catalyst for looking into attachment styles (had to learn that term, too). Went through a whole 10 year marriage where none of my oldest wounds were ever triggered (we were both anxiously attached). Started dating again and my anxiety went through the roof, even when I'm not interacting in that domain. I know some of my wounds, but I'm sure there's more to discover. But a week ago, I didn't know any of this stuff, so I have lots of hope now.
i love your videos it really helps me sit down and reflect on my life. and its true, my childhood was rife with bullying (im not proud of it and people kinda still ridicule me about this even in adulthood) and subconsciously we pick up on ideas that we are not worthy and have to do everything ourselves. i struggle about this at work, i want to do everything myself but i get rlly burnt out, and im in healthcare so it is exhausting if i clean patients by myself. i get paggro and people leave me alone bc they don't want to piss me off. but in reality like what you said - i need to advocate for myself. thanks for the reminder!
what are you hungry for / are you putting pressure on the wrong places / which of my problems are solutions to deeper problem / what would make this time period a success / what are you holding on to, that's already gone
Dear Heide, I think you are one of the all time greats. You read 2-3 psyche books a week? No wonder you are extraordinarily smart. I like the way that you speak. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with chronic pain, though because of it you are able to empathise with people such as myself, and I'm grateful for your wisdom - I'm not grateful for your pain though, sis. Peace.
I have felt like my whole life, I have been dancing on the edge of a cliff & if I stop, I will fall to my death. I didn't know others felt the way I do or that toxic shame had that big of hold on me.
Heidi, do you have a video about how to understand, as someone tending toward avoidant attachment style, how to know when it's really time to end a relationship, and when that is just the avoidant response making itself felt? How can avoidant person trust their own intuitions, or better discern what is a reasonable intuition versus what is basically a trauma response? If you've already addressed this, I would love to listen and learn.
OK but what if... bare with me. I'm forming this thought as I write it. Let me start with the fact that I have BPD, and an EXTREMELY addictive personality. I have gotten addicted to every thing I have ever tried with the slightest addictive quality. I am also very self aware so I know what cravings feel like vs I actually need this thing. I never heard this term but now that I am thinking about it, I am addicted to my romantic relationship, and have been in the past, in a way that feels like craving. and I experience what is now obvious to me to be a high, followed by A comedown and even withdrawal . The the thing I don't agree with though is that a good way to diagnose Limerence is if you can't allow the object of your affection to truly be themselves. I think addiction is a strong motivator and to me if what I had to do to continue this high- was just accept this person and truly love them and romanticize them as who they are.. I would go all out to do that. An addict can and will acconplish amazing feats in pursuing the thing which they are craving, and especially to avoid withdrawal. Without realizing it, I let Limerence addiction force me to.. with great effort attempt to get to know who a person is on the inside and out, study them to find out what makes them tick, then romanticize those qualities even if they are negative qualities.... even if they are harmful qualities. That doesn't matter. No one is perfect. As Ling as I figure out why a person does these things, then I could understand them and I could predict their behavior, and was in love with all their flaws. I stopped being hurt or getting mad at their behavior. There was nothing they could do that was outside of what I expected of them. They couldn't do something that they just wouldn't do as a person. And anything they would do was something I expected and accepted because it was part of who they are. I hope I'm making sense. Here is an example: I knew my husband of 7 years (now deceased R.I.P. MSR 1990-2023) so well that i knew in a certain situation, if we were fighting and he was hurt and an attractive woman came along and fed his ego, he might cheat on me. Not that he would make that decision every time but he might. It Was in the range of things he might do. So if that happened, I had partially already accepted it and knew I wouldn't leave over it because I loved him for who he was. To quote the cult classic Slither "You can't blame something for acting accordin to it's own nature." But is that still a negative thing? If what I think must have started as limerence and even remained that throughout but yet it resulted in me taking rhe time to get to know someone, made me, made me act in a curious way and be open to what I saw, to know that person I had first liked and admired, then became addicted to, but let them be themselves and learn to love them for who they were and would do anything for them. I remained loyal. Which they experienced as healing because they didnt think they could be loved for themselves.. .. ALL BECAUSE OF AN ADDICTION?! Holy shit. Please someone read and comment to help me analyze this. I need some outside perspective. ??
I read some of the comments. And I guess you could say was I figured out on my own how to use radical honesty to help myself into better situation, even if my motivation was to keep the feeling of Limerence going and avoid the negative aspects that go with any addiction. So my question then is if a person is prone to this, aren't they going to experience within the context of any romantic partnership no matter how healthy the relationship? They can't stop those chemicals from being triggered , all they can do is try to male decisions NOT based on those feelings. Am I correct on this?
Hit the spot... I am 41 years old, knew I was different from others and only now figured out i have CPTSD and fearable avoidant. Thank you....for this video.. learning learning
It’s been a year since the breakup but this is still super helpful. It would have been life changing 18 months ago but I’m so happy other people have the benefit of hearing this broken down so beautifully and compassionately. And even a year later this still helps me understand what I should focus on to improve my current situation and what I need to keep on top of constantly if I meet someone new. Thank you. ❤
I think I’m going to complete degree in that also ABA went to autism I’m so glad you mentioned that I remember my ABA professor felt like the most authentic person I met in my learning journey whether that have been in work or school. Thankyou Heidi!
Thank you so Much for giving us ways to deal with this kind of attachement usualy we hear the reasons why we have these kinds of attachements but rarely on what to tell ourselves to help to get thru these intense crazy moments when they accure your are a blessing truly Im very thankfull for your generousity to help all of us with these attachements styles Thank you so much Bless you! ❤️
Thank you so much for this video! I noticed a few days before watching this that I tend to research issues whenever I start to experience them. I then remembered someone saying that procrastination always happens because in some way, shape, or form, it serves you. I finally connected the dots and realised that I'm trying to avoid difficult emotions by researching them, their causes and (ironically) how to deal with them rather than just letting myself feel them. This video explains why that happens and helped me a great deal with understanding this better.
This is blowing my mind!! You’re saying all these “simple” concepts that are actually HUGE paradigm shifts for the beliefs I’ve come out of. They are unhealthy beliefs that kept me in abusive relationships. Getting in touch with these concepts could save your life… truly!!! I don’t really know where to start, but I’m excited to find your teaching!💕✨
Could you make a list of top 25 books? Regarding CPTSD / basically anything you have talked about. I studied ABA - your specific wording & intention to make sure that it’s said that specific way is speaking to me on such a deep level. Crying turned to cry laughing and then chuckling & crying after I’m so ready for this journey but lord just having definition & talk tracks is so big. Grateful cry. Thankyou
1:45 avoiding emotional pain. 2:40 pain demands to be felt. 4:30 avoid or feel pain 9:45 this pain will be felt 14:24 love the pain 17:45 name the pain
I am a anxious attachment style while the love of my life was a fearful avoidant...it turned so destructively tragic. She simply left me on a seeming dime while I loved her fully.. truly fucked up ..period.. anyhow I have compassion for anyone who loved an aviodant
