Man, Asap- you people don't 'Pull any Punches' do ya'? (especially when it comes to people's Dicks)... OH! Being a Dick. Well that's different. (at first I thought it was about Scientists finishing first because they Hit below the Belt but on viewing the video I see it's about being nice so, WHEW* I'm So Relieved)
I think there also needs to be a distinction made between being a nice person and a Milhouse being nice is great.. being someone's doormat, not so much
It seems like they sort of covered that with the "tit for tat" strategy. You start out nice, but if someone takes advantage of that, you don't let them get away with it. You're definitely right, you have to be nice without being manipulable.
If you are nice to everyone, then your niceness loses its value. It's a sign of poor judgement. If you are nice with people who deserve it, and with people who don't, then that doesn't really seem fair, does it?
Sometimes the factors for finishing first in something are a lot more random. But I agree, "nice guys finish last" is a ridiculous statement, especially when applied to romantic relationships. If a woman is attracted more the jerk than the nice guy, then I think the nice guy is finishing first by avoiding that dysfunctional relationship altogether :)
+Micah Buzan I think you're rationalizing. The jerk gets laid more often, has more offspring (which he doesn't support), and the nice guy dates less often, has no kids and dies alone. Plus, the nice guy pays for the jerk's offspring thru taxes or just because the mother is good at manipulating nice guys into supporting her kids.
+Howard Wiggins Completely wrong. Let me help you with logic. Black American society is frequented by high intercourse ratios, and high abandonment rates. It leaves the Black community high in STI department, extremely high in child death rates, prison terms, substance abuse and general family dysfunction. The same follows the white families that are on the same track in this hip new age. You got one thing right, the nice guys are supporting their kids through taxes, because they are the only ones with a financially mobile family unit. I usually charge 25 dollars a minute for sessions but this ones on the house. Hope it improves your life. Bests.
+Micah Buzan Nahh this is wrong the whole nice guy mentality isn't nice. The reason why is because they are only being nice with strings attached. They are only nice to girls because they think it will get them a way into the vagina. Girls can spot this and that is why they would rather go for an honest "jerk" than a nice guy who is lying to himself and to her.
+SCMowns Apparently, you don't remember - it's not from Ryan Higa, it's from Kevin Jumba, who quit youtube to do monk-stuff :( EDIT: aaah, they both did one! :)
People in the comments are clearly missing the point. Being nice doesn't equal monetary or item value. It's about self value. If the people around you don't respect what you do for them, then maybe it's time to look for new friends. Problem with many people is they're nice but then they let others bully them. You have to speak up. Also if you expect something in return then you're just "playing nice", therefor you'll never be content and always feel treated unfairly. Don't expect anything in return. Be nice because you want to and it makes you happy and not because of what other people think. If being an ass makes you feel good then I guess that works too but the respect and loyalty you'll build will crumble at any sign of weakness.
Respect and loyalty will crumble? sorry, I'm not a dictator. Self value and happiness has nothing to do with money? Im sure Mark Cuban is living a really shittly life right now......That homeles guy over there is really enjoying trying to find a meal to feed his children. yeah. Nice guy=Stepped on. Plain and simple.
Time to look for new friends? what is this, 3rd grade?! No, this is the real world. If you cant step on a few shoulders, you'll never be successful(Unless your parents did it for you). Being ruthless is the #1 way Undisputedly to get to the top.
I'm laughing at all the guys whining about how "being nice gets you friendzoned." Honestly, the friendzone doesn't exist. If you ask out a girl and she says she only thinks of you as a friend, chances are she doesn't even think of you as a friend, she just wanted to let you down gently.
***** I don't quite understand.. if I know a girl that I just like as a friend from the beginning, but then slowly starts liking her, and then asks her out and then realizes she still wants nothing more than being friends, how have I not been friendzoned?
***** Guys who get in the friendzone, doesn't want sex at the first time, you dumb. They just start to know the girl and by the time, they realize that they could have a great relationship together. Don't just get judging people around there, without knowing what you're talking about.
+Armindo Ribeiro if you can't be a good person without getting a reward than can you please rethink your life choices (and to actually answer your stupid question you get respect and people who will want to be friends with you)
+The Original Joker Not always, since being stabbed in the back is an exception and not the norm, but of course to prevent this you must choose your friends carefully, especially close friends who you trust not to backstab you
I like how even this video can't outright say that nice guys don't really finish first and has to bring in arbitrary facts about unrelated animals and then has to apply "niceness" as a broad stroke to all of humanity rather than just relationships. Both are capable of "finishing first" and both serve a purpose. Nice is not synonymous with being a pushover yes man.
and that's the problem. Most women believe that nice guys are pushovers. I know they exist, but I've rarely seen a guy let a woman walk all over them. Most women in the comments keep saying they don't want a pushover just so they can justify that they rather have guy that constantly disrespect them then a guy that wouldn't.
Really, what they proved is that nice guys finish last... in a chronological sense. In the end, they're more successful in life, but it takes more time, which is what discourages many people, such as myself from time to time, when mean people see immediate results.
"Im a nice guy and I never get the chicks" Maybe thats because you're falsely equating nice with having 0 self confidence and not having any opinions of your own rather than just being caring and showing empathy
You have to balance being nice and being strong- Having respect for others but still respect for yourself. Unfortunately most _nice guys_ have very little self respect and come off as needy or weak, while some pretty mean dudes are saught after because they are "strong" and "independent." In the end people who are in the middle are the most successful. I consider myself a fairly nice person, I mean I don't go around hurting people or insulting them; but that doesn't mean I deserve any sort of reward and it certainly doesn't mean that all the girls should want me because of that.
Well that's because being nice SHOULD get you rewarded. In this cold harsh world, the bad guys are always getting away, getting all the play, and finishing first, and causing havoc when that shouldn't be happening.
I like this a lot, i often here about "survival of the fittest" and "every man for himself", i like that this demonstrates the power and importance of cooperation :-)
Anyone can call themselves "nice." But if you find yourself calling women "bitches" or saying horrible shit about them, chances are you are not as nice as you think. A guy I talked with complained that he has no luck with women, and when a girl he was attracted to rejected him, he said "I hope the next guy she's with abuses her." And yet, he still believed that he was a nice guy. Sometimes a woman may have an asshole boyfriend. And that can be for a number of reasons. Maybe he's an asshole in general but nice to her, so she feels special. Maybe she's an asshole too and they're assholes to each other. Maybe he started out nice but then his true colors began to show after the relationship started, and since he wasn't always like that in her eyes, she thinks his assholery is her fault and so she stays. Or maybe the "asshole" guy is only a jerk in your eyes because he has what you want. My little brother is popular with the girls because he's nice, cool and fun to be with. But this guy in his class told other people he was an asshole.
+Toshimi1043 Yea, I don't have a GF but I admit that's because I'm a shitty human being in general. It's a miracle that I have the large friend circle I have.
"Nice guys finish last" I've only heard when a guy starts out being nice to a girl, who gets rejected, and immediately turns and starts whining and cussing at them.
i have heard that my entire life. Are you a male? Are you over 12? Sorry but nice guy finish last. This experiment means nothing in terms of wordly success.You would be hard press to find a profession where great success doesnt come from fighting your way to the top. Disagreeableness is the highest factor correlated with salary. It is just the case and it is often a sad case because they are nice to everyone. Im talking about actual nice guys, not those werid creeps. the type of guy always going out of there way and seem to have the patients of a saint. What is one to do? Idk. But if you are a kind soul, keep it up. I can say you are doing what I cant.
So I'll always play the good guy because in the long run, I'll be the champ. Huh, weird... I keep losing now because of being nice... Well, I might as well continue being nice to see if this niceness pays off according to this theory.
yeah, totally understand how you feel about being kind. You go out of your way for others yet they give back nothing in return or its rarely appreciated. I think we just gotta be the good in the world, despite how hard it is to maintain. I just wanted to say that about women because of the relationships segment of the video and I just want people to understand the nonsense of the whole friendzone victimisation and realise the reality that true attraction consists of more than just being nice.
Limerence well there is no Point, People just make up meaning to get through life without their brain collapsing fully :D whats the Point of life without some Little mindfucks? ~
***** Proof is a mathematical concept, I'm talking about statistical data from the real world. If you don't have that then I'm afraid there's no reason to believe either way.
4hotpink10 It doesn't matter what the username is. If you've never met a truly nice guy (who are everywhere) then you probably aren't a girl worthy of someone being nice to her... ie a bitch.
Sorry, but the truth is, you'll only get "friendzoned" if the girl isn't physically attracted to you. Would you date someone you didn't find attractive? Probably not.
Tommy Tucker That's also not true. What's the difference between a friendship and a relationship? Physical attraction and sexual intimacy. Girls like the personality in a relationship, but appearance is also important or else you'll just be seen as a friend.
Kelly Jarvis I don't know. I have friends I find/found more attractive than my husband who were interested but I ultimately fell in love with him. These others were great, still friends even, but I chose my husband. He didn't have a job at the time, lived with his mother, wasn't going to school, had no aspirations, was kissing 300 pounds, has patchy back hair and any number of other flaws. I love him like whoa. Been married for 6 years so far.
*I am a nice guy, and i actually get laid. Not alot, but i do.* *The trick is to know how to be nice in the **_correct_** way, to not be percieved as whipped and clingy. You need to be nice, but confident. Girls are attracted to a guy that knows what he wants. Don't just blindly go along with whatever she is telling you, have some pride and you will see that she will respect you. And with respect, automatically comes attraction.*
Guys, here's the actuality. There is no completely one or the other. Sometimes, you are rewarded for being nice and other times you are not. Sometimes you're kicked in the teeth for being a good person. That's why you generally act, and should act, differently towards different people. A lot of the examples are not shows of kindness as much as they are sensible arrangements. You don't need to be "nice" to uphold your end of a deal. It just means you understand trust and long term benefit. It's a selfish, and intelligent, motivation. Some people are nice to others because that act of kindness is all they need to feel good, and that's fine too. But if you're kind because you "want something" like 99% of the comments I just saw, you're playing the wrong game and people can tell from a mile away.
Being nice and being alpha aren't mutually exclusive traits. Someone can be kind and considerate, but also confident and assertive. I've seen it. And "finishing last" in my opinion is kind of self-inflicted. Most of the time, people are aware when they are interested in someone who doesn't or won't appreciate them. I have observed and been guilty of this.
I think that if somebody is complaining about not getting girls, that usually (not always) means that they are selfish and impatient, making them not nice.
I don't really think that's an accurate assessment. Lots of women don't have any idea how frustrated and lost men feel about their dating life. I'm pretty sure everyone would like to be genuinely nice but it doesn't really seem like we can. Case dismissed.
+Cristian Ramirez Women do too. It just annoys me when guys get angry when a girl likes someone else. A little anger is alright, but try to be understanding?
If you think nice guys finish last then consider the fact that a) most girls actually do like nice guys and b) you probably aren’t as nice as you think.
of course. women like to sleep round with all dem bad boys in their early years an settle down for the "nicee guys" when they get more mature and their va gina all dried up and used
+Natasha “SepticeyeNatasha” Merline What do you mean by Potato? Are you talking about appearance? Also if you are then I'm guessing that thumbnail is not yours if you are a potato.
No no, guys. This one's right on the money. While girls might like douchebags while their young (16-25) the "deceitful" approach works. But when the women realize that they're being cheated and get desperate (28+), the "nice guys" method seems so much more favorable. Someone to selflessly offer their shelter and provisions after 15 or so years of being ignored? Sounds perfect.
I'm 22 and have the common sense to not date a douche bag. The guy I'm with is shy and overally nice compared to a few guys I dated. It's up to certain girls to realize that the hot hunky douchey guys are not boyfriend material. Sadly even if you tell them they have to realize it themselves nice guys are really worth once you date one :)
Daniel Baker What does it matter if the person you love already have kids or not? What does it matter their age, as long as they are adults, what does it matter what they look like? You love them, and if you don't why would you be with them?
Throw a little spice to the nice and you will succeed if you know what I mean haha! But seriously you have to get more personal and romantic with the partner.
TPCWorld - Top 5 Space Videos! Some people want to either keep their innocence, want to prevent someone from using them, or don't want to risk a pregnancy
Well in the video he did say long term so....but i agree its usually the assholes who get the chicks and being nice usually has its rewards in the long term. Then again who wants a chick who was already gangbanged by all the assholes she could find before finally settling for a nice guy..
I was (and am) nice as much as possible. Good friends, good times and a great first lady in my life came over time. There were tough times, but niceness leads to positivity, support and compassion. Moreover, I know that, in this shit world, I'm contributing as little as possible to the shittiness and maybe even helping to reduce the shit altogether. I might not be famous, uber successful or ridonkulously attractive, but I'm happy because I try to be nice.
Good for you :) Most people who say they are nice actually expect something in return and thinks that the world owns them something because they are nice, which isn't nice of them.
RtisticXplosions I like to believe great minds. If more people thought like this, I'm pretty sure that as a society we would be more comforted and productive.
+Zetsuke4 In a computer simulation. That was the basis of Richard Dawkins' theory. There is something to this; however, there are lot's of variables that effect how this plays out in real life.
Xgckl actual nice people don't expect a reward for being nice. Theyre nice bc it's their nature. But when you get people whining about how they're *nice* so why isn't the person they like interested in them, or why aren't they getting that promotion, or why aren't people taking notice of them doing *nice* things, they aren't actually nice. They're putting on a show for either attention or a reward. That is what my comment is about.
+Squidy well being nice is just one dimension. You've also got to pair that with having self-respect, being smart, independent and vibrant. Those things don't just fall under the umbrella of being nice, they're all different things that can be major factors in attracting someone.
People who try to counter attack this topic typically have low self esteem issues and develop and arrogant personality. There is a huge difference between being nice and having integrity, as opposed to ACTING nice for good deeds thinking that the world owes them something, which the majority do. The best I can say is get over yourself, life is not a movie, and it's better when you accept to live in reality rather fantasizing about how your view of this world should be praised.
A year late but, imagine yourself as a person who has been nice to other people for years. Those people that you helped instead of feeling gratified treat you as a tool, taking your kindness for granted. How would you feel? Angry? Confused? Ashamed? Either way it's not wrong for you to think that considering how much you have helped, you should get something in return. But then again this is just my opinion.
@@sonatal it is easy to break friendship to those who you helped and it's not like they will get emotional and be sad but if they do you will just think that they are lying
Basically: the prisoner's dilemma is mostly a dilemma because it's a single round. It doesn't apply to real life because people just won't help you anymore.
You arent a nice guy if you Say you are a nice guy .You shouldnt expect compensation if your nice to a girl and if you do, then girls will sense that.Not saying this is how it Always works, but iv met plenty of'nice guys', who were only nice to get something out of me; i much prefer nice Men who are nice because thats in their nature, who dont rush things and take time to know you, and thats ideally who i want to marry. This goes to the comments section. You arent nice if your mad because we havent compensated you. You shouldnt be expecting compensation in the first place- it should be basic human politeness
Most people don’t mind killing cows and chickens but they’d probably have a hard time doing the same to chimpanzees. Partially, it’s because chimpanzees bear a slight resemblance to humans, but the primary reason is that they can draw pictures. Suppose fish were able to draw pictures. Even if we are unable to understand what they’re thinking, it becomes harder to kill animals that can draw. Instinctively, in our minds we would say to ourselves… “Maybe they have feelings” That just goes to show how high a value we assign to expression.
Not all nice guys are like that. And nice guys work harder in school and get better jobs. Do you really expect us to just work rediculously hard and not get the same selection of girls as total jerks who cant support a family because they didnt get an education enough to get a good job. As a nice guy, its very frustrating working harder but getting less girls.
We really needed this video. The amount of not self aware people who actually think people don’t like them because they’re nice and people only date assholes is absurd.
@@frickinfrick8488 the fact that you immediately assume a man is looking for a payout for basic human decency shows being nice is futile in a selfish gynocentric society. Basic human decency is a privilege not an expectation not everyone enjoys it. And unfortunately women always choose those who don’t have it while being comfortably unaware of that.
@@luisandrade2254 I didn’t assume that, that’s exactly what you said. You said being nice isn’t worth it because you don’t get a payout. That makes you not a nice person, it’s that simple. That’s why people don’t like you. It’s not some big societal conspiracy, it’s just not a likeable trait to see every relationship as a transaction for personal gain
let me tell you people something, because the context of the phrase "nice guys finish last" has always been inaccurate. the phrase should ACTUALLY be, "passive, non aggressive, weak (pushover) PEOPLE finish last". im not as comfortable around men as i am around women, so i spend most of my social time talking/joking/playing with women. if you want them to take you seriously, do not be a PRICK. but you can't be a pushover either. being defensive, surly, negative....these are MAJOR turnoffs for women. typically, if you see a guy being this way, and a woman actually LIKES it, it's only because(90 percent of the time) they come from a not so good background. any woman worth your time will appreciate you being nice, and most women respond positively to a nice guy then some emotional, or NON-emotional, asshole. however, if you are going to be nice, you also have to be firm. you have to have an edge about you that communicates" im a cool person, but don't FUCK with me or you'll regret it." women typically can see through bullshit because of their intuitions, so you have to come real with it as well. there is a such thing as being STRONG and NICE at the same time. women LOVE that, as long as it is legit. but being an asshole, conversely, is a sign of weakness and they will smell it on you. they won't comment on it so you don't snap on them, but they WILL see it, and unless they have some issues of their own, they will NOT tolerate it. so be NICE, men. just don't be WEAK at the same time.
Jarrell Jones Well said friend. I find being "Strong" as being confident. You need to be who you are, and be confident in it, and naturally, girls will respond to you.
denishae hutson how is my "opinion" egocentric? if you are a woman who is only attracted to males, i fail to see how you know more than i do on the subject. i have been conversing with women im interested in for YEARS, i know what im talking about. can you say the same? i doubt it. nice+strong = success.
Tom K I’m nice,caring ,smart and and I have a good and a bad sense of humor at the same time since I don’t know how to interact with women aside being nice
Eric Harris Im just saying that stuff depends on the situation ,and i tried to prove it through my previous comment indirectly,which after looking at it back it didnt do a good job
Jøséph Āntöñ They can be. If you're nice or funny, chances are people around you tell you you are. It doesn't automatically changes the fact that you keep being nice and funny
Redeeming qualities? When it comes to redemption, we can only apply it to morality so what else besides being a good person helping others can be redeeming? Answer thant?
Interesting video and everything but the idiom "nice guys finish last" normally always implies to a single big score, rather than many multiple minor ones over a long period of time. For instance, you cheat someone out of a significant amount of money and they're the nice guy finishing last; there's no ticks to be plucked out or blood to be shared later such as in the case of the birds or vampire bats. The score is decided and life goes on, there will be very little chance for karma to ever come back and bite the person unless circumstance has them forced to come crawling back to the person they cheated. The man who swindles a thousand strangers is probably going to get further than the man who cooperates with a thousand strangers, but of course this is all varies depending on individual circumstance. Basically the general rule boils down to: Will you probably/for sure need the aid of someone in the future and will it be an ongoing dependency? Don't cheat them out of anything. Will you never need to see them again after you rip them off? I think you understand what I mean, now.
True, but if everyone was the man swindling people then no one would ever prosper because everyone would have to swindle each other and they would never prosper. If everyone cooperated then everyone would prosper and wouldn’t have to worry about being swindled.
Depends, this is in the context of repeated series of interactions. So with migratory swindlers it might not apply, but with social media today not necessarily - its not so easy as in the past to get away with grevious misdeeds. With local communities, friends, families, lovers etc. we all do a lot of repeated interactions over long periods of time, so definitely this kind of model can apply in these cases.
It's because they can't gather a family so spend all their time and the workplace. As well, because they have no compassion to mild out their aggressive tactics, they remorselessly use cutthroat ethics to drive out the competition.
As a guy who's essentially been single for 4 years and longing for affection, I struggle to believe this. Yet, I know deep down I'll find someone. Sometimes I just hope I have enough time to find them. Never give up, never surrender!
Haha, I like your little battle cry at the end. I've been single for over 5 years now, man. You just realize that there are more important things in life, things that will bring you just as much joy as, sometimes even more than, a romantic relationship. Things like family, friendships, faith (if you believe), and academic and/or career accomplishments. Of course, you will never be able to experience the joy that comes with true, reciprocated eros love outside of a romantic relationship, but until such time as that comes along, I've found that the other joys in my life are quite enough. :) I hope you do, too!
Retty Varghese I've felt many of the joys which you've talked about and many more. I've achieved so much already and I know I'm on my way to rise even higher. All that said, after a certain amount of time you realize how short life is and you understand how quickly it can be cut off. If I were to die today, I'd die with regrets. This made me realize that I want to experience life to the fullest. I've never experienced reciprocated eros love before, and it's something I want at least once before I'm gone. It's not the "only" thing I want, I'm not desperate. But I feel we have to be honest about our truest desires. Once we do that, then maybe we can start living the lives we were truly meant to live. Thank you for your kind words. Little things like this keep me going strong =).
Oh I agree that we should be honest about our desires, absolutely. But, I really do wish you didn't feel that you would die with regrets. 😕 I mean, obviously everyone is at different stages in their lives, and everyone attaches a different value to various aspects of life (romantic love included), mainly because of their experiences thus far and what's really important to them. So, I understand how it would be a regretful thing for some. But, I still really wish it weren't for anyone. Just because in my ideal world, everyone would be happy and content with their lives haha. And, of course! You're absolutely welcome! The day we stop being kind to one another is the day this world is essentially doomed.
Thank you for this .I feel so much better .I've always felt this pressure from society to be more selfish and not be the nice guy .But I never gave up as I felt deep within me that I was not doing anything wrong by being nice and polite .Great work .Spread this message .
I believe that this "mean people are on top" behavior only happens in the US and the UK because here in France and in countless other country, good guys ALWAYS win! :)
All this demonstrates is that people who finish first are those who are nice but FAIR. Generally, when people say 'Nice Guy', they're referring to someone who is a pushover, i.e. in the context of the Prisoner's Dilemma, someone who cooperates no matter what the other player does.
I never pretended to be nice, and I was always nice. But I was also honest and a little bit prone to anger. That being said, I never drew my line in the sand or told my friends "hey, this isn't okay." I let them get away with shitting on me or just being rude, and when it came time that I could not take it anymore, they decided to wash their hands with me. (This was after they internalized a bunch of shit about me and started noticing other things after the trigger point mentioned earlier.) IF YOU DON'T DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND AND LET PEOPLE KEEP DOING SHIT, YOU'RE A DOORMAT. IF YOU LET YOURSELF BE A DOORMAT AND DON'T MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF THEY DO 'X' THIS FRIENDSHIP WON'T LAST, IT WILL KEEP HAPPENING, AND THEY WILL ONLY GET MAD AT YOU WHEN YOU FINALLY DO IT.
I just broke down what he said... Basically since you are a nice guy and you will be more successful, and with successful you get more money and more money means you are more attractive
Due to abuse when I was younger I was subconsciously attracted to "jerks". As I healed and grew, what I was attracted to DRAMATICALLY shifted. Now, nice guys are 100% my jam. Last September I married the nicest guy I've ever met, and I spoil him right back. 🥰
They saying is about individual success, not group success. Nice guys do finish last when climbing the corporate ladder and the like, because they generally face off against competition that goes away if they win.
The other part of the saying is anout women, and this is less about niceness in general, and more about the fact that women are naturally more attracted to aggressive, assertive men than pushovers - just like men prefer a nice body to a fat tub of lard.
all these "nice guys" triggered as shit in the comments holy shit. Wasn't "not envious" in their somewhere? Sounds envious to me. Why would you even want a relationship. Super overrated.
So AsapSCIENCE does admit asshole wins in the short run. That's the whole idea of finishing first. "Nice guys finish last" is solely about the short run.
This seems to be just a form of karma. In my experience and virtually everyone everywhere I've met. It doesn't work out this way. You help someone out they take the shit you gave them and flee. You ask for help everyone tells you to piss off. CEO's and virtually any truly successful person in life are not nice guys.
Exactly, many people will take advantage of he "nice guy". Being nice might work in card-game simulations, but it's different in the real world, people will find your weakness and exploit it.
I really hate how some girls will always screw around with the bad boy who they consider to be a " lover " type of guy , and then after they stop whoring around THEN they will settle down with the good guy not because they love him or they because he treats them right it's because they consider him to be " a provider " and after marriage and children they divorce him , take half his money and the poor guy will be forced to pay child support and then those women will continue to go out with pricks like those 40 year old alcoholics or some douchy rich guy who treats them like trash
All these situations only cause niceness when the nice person expects and receives something in return. That's not being genuinely nice nor is it a foundation of good character. When you take out a money aspect or survival aspect the situations completely change. So these experiments and observations don't reflect true nice qualities.
Boy, you really didn't get the point. And even without that, to better one's position and to SURVIVE are so fundamental that they can't be taken out of the equation. You know that feeling of hate when you see someone cheating or doing what is considered wrong? Or that feeling of awe when someone is doing something right? You don't have to have a philosophical debate in your mind for that, it happens instantaneously and instinctively. Hint hint, it is something ingrained in your DNA.
P.J. Weiner But that's more of a "what's good vs what's bad" kind of discussion, right? If I were to give a homeless person $100, thinking that this act of kindness will repay itself one way or another, does that make me not a good person, just because of my expectations?
***** But then every task that people do is out kindness then. Because every person does things for his or her own benefit. You're saying that working as a pizza delivery guy is a kind thing to do. You might get money in return as a benefit, but you give somebody a pizza, which makes it a kind act. That's also saying that hiring a slave to do all my work for me is a kind act as long as I give the slave some amount of money in the end. You can't just look away from the benefit as if it doesn't matter when doing something "nice". If the "nice" act requires any self benefit, no matter on what scale it is on, it is not a nice act just because someone does any amount of good, no matter on what scale
Nice guys are like a turtle. They slowly work their way up. Been doing that for years and have seen people jump ahead and crash and burn. It sucks to move so slow but it also gives stability.
Let’s be honest: “nice” is pretty much another way of saying “predictably boring”. I know that it means well, but you can only hear it so many times before it feels like an insult.
As a Christian I'm choosing in my heart to remain apologetic,forgiving,giving,respectful,&helpful,while at the same time protecting my heart by setting boundaries due to past friendships that were hurtful with other women.I've been called bubbly,very friendly&too nice,well the reason why I will always be successful and finish first is because I choose to be called by those words than WICKED any given day!I am fearfully and wonderfully made according to Ps 139:14 KJV.I know that in God's perfect timing He'll show me one day which female friends to connect with long-term!God bless!
After reading the comments, I have a question: 1) many people argue that mean guys get more women than nice guys... I wanted to know if this is meant to be a "good thing"? A nice guy may meet only a few girls in his life time, but has a higher success rate at producing a family and having children, whereas a mean person will invariably lose his girlfriend/wife and will less likely have children....those he will have will eventually grow up to hate him Also, higher chance of STD. You may argue that we are meant to "spread our seed", however, thanks to contraception, luckily their genes would be thrown out with the garbage or assimilated for better uses.
Actually, what happens is the mean guy has a child or two per marriage, and a lot of them end up like him. I'm not going to argue that it's genetic, because I think it's environmental, and reversible. A should also clarify that by "mean" I mean unstable and temperamental, which is also something that can be improved on with help. My main point, though, is that "mean" guys don't necessarily have fewer children.
I don't know about you, but I think having a stable relationship and family will make the "nice guy" happier than the opposite "mean guy". And a lot of "mean guys" end up changing sometime in their lives because of the natural result to selfish, or negative behavior such as divorces, stds, lost friends, etc. I doubt someone will naturally stay a mean person into old age, unless they are really that kind of person. Because you don't get any real happiness through selfishness.
You're looking at this in a very black and white point of view. There's no such thing as "mean" or "nice" people, it all depends on perspective. But when they say "nice guys finish last" when it comes to getting women, it's cuz "nice" guys are typically boring and don't stand out or make a lasting impression on the girl, cuz they're just like the 50 other guys that have approached her already. "Mean" guys however stand out more and DO leave an impression.
People have probably said it already but there's a massive difference between being nice and being too nice. In theory, we're all nice, it's expected and it's in our best interest to be that way but listen to the video "tit for tat", if you make it obvious that'll you be nice no matter what without any hope of reciprocity- that'll be exploited (sadly). Equally, if you're acting nice for purely selfish reasons, that's also a problem. In short, just make sure you're not being unnecessarily nice. The archetypal "nice guy" is usually just a bit too nice.
Yes, technically the "nicest" thing to do is ALWAYS cooperate and if you do that the other person can and should (via game theory) always rebel. Odd that it is not talking about in the video. I think ALWAYS being nice will give a better life then always being an ass, but a reasonable mix of the two will given the best results.
Yea, basically. Psychologically, it can help you to be a nice person but it can also hurt you. Many, if not all, people will use you for their own desires. It can be pretty easy to manipulate people who are too nice. In some instances, the nice person can be considered a fool for being so kind. The only people that would assume the kind one a fool would be those who are dark and corrupted. Unfortunately our world is infested with such existences. I myself use to be of the scum (due to poor raising). In the past I would be manipulating those who were "useful". At some point I'd somewhat realize the depth of my 'unorthodox' ways. Still, my point being that people will take advantage of such kindness.
What I don't understand about the "nice guys finish last" mentality in relationships is that just because you're nice doesn't make you compatible with everyone and anyone you want. Two people can be AMAZING individuals and still not work out as a couple, because there are so many other factors besides "niceness" that determine your compatibility with your prospective partner. Do you see yourselves fitting in to one another's lifestyles? Do you both want EXACTLY the same thing out of your relationship? Do you enjoy similar enough hobbies to go on a date that you both genuinely enjoy - for no other sake than to just have fun? Is your own life OUTSIDE of the relationship fulfilling and happy enough to not need the relationship as a self-esteem crutch? Compatibility is WAY too complicated to blame the lack thereof solely on "Oh, it was because I was a pushover." No one is entitled to a relationship with anyone else. I wouldn't want to be around someone who felt entitled to me.
The reason why guys think being nice will help them find someone to be with is because women tend to throw out this garbage that they want a nice guy to be with. Women keep saying how they can't find a nice guy. The problem with that is women keep saying that BS, but these women will end up opening their legs for these DBAGS while the nice guy just gets friendzoned. So the nice guy is thinking to himself, well WTF? I thought you said you like people to treat you with respect, but you open your legs up to some guy that will cheat on you without hesitation?
MikeBNumba6 While I can relate to your frustration, please understand that the world isn't divided into friend zoned guys and douchebags. I'm willing to bet we all personally know a LOT of amazing guys/girls who are in happy relationships with other amazing guys/girls. I don't see why people believe that "douchebags get all the girls" when we have all encountered irrefutable evidence to the contrary, i.e nice guys who are also in relationships with nice girls. So, if it's true that nice guys ALSO get the girl (as can be seen just about everywhere, including the great guys we know), then can we really point at a douchebag relationship and say "This is why I'm friend zoned."?
cocoacoconuts24 No one is saying that DBAGS get all the girls. Come now. And umm know I don't know a lot of people in Amazing relationships. There are some out there, but I see more bad relationships then good. Hell, even the divorce rate is on my side saying there are bad relationships everywhere. Here's another point I like to make. Find 10 women.Ask them why they broke up with their ex? I'm pretty sure (I know for a fact because I did this myself plenty of times) those women will all call their ex DBAGS that treated them like trash. Hell I can go on just about any girl's facebook, twitter, instagram and read their post about how their ex treated them poorly.
MikeBNumba6 It sounds like we're in agreement that both healthy and unhealthy relationships exist in significant numbers; I'm simply arguing that enough healthy relationships exist that the claim "nice guys finish last" is an ultimately false assumption. As for our different experiences, it seems like you and I occupy very different social circles, and to that, I really have nothing to say. I'm not trying to invalidate yours or anyone's experience with relationships, but I also insist that nice guys DO land in great relationships. The number of bad relationships out there doesn't, and shouldn't, serve as a forecast for an individual's dating prospects. There's always hope for the nice guy - and really, that should be enough for anyone. I think I've made all the points I have to make in this discussion. I really am sorry you've witnessed so much of the bad side of relationships and not enough of the good. I do hope that my overall positive experiences with relationships - or anything I've said for that matter - counted for something in this discussion. Peace out and enjoy your weekend.
Squwoosh I disagree, it's the opposite to me. Being nice is one of the most surefire ways to be appreciated. At least in high school. I mean, REALLY nice. It helps your reputation.
AWResistance Maybe you shouldn't put all your happiness into getting women to want you while simultaneously saying women are pieces of shit because we only want the bad guys. I'll give you a hint right now.. All the guys commenting here about the friend-zone.. Yeah. That is the opposite of what we want. And as for those women that want bad guys, they're probably shitty girlfriends too.
Women, especially young women have a tough time distinguishing between confidence and arrogance. The key is to not take the bad boys too seriously. If you make them look like they're trying to hard with confidence, women will flock to that. Nothing's guaranteed, I mean people are people, but perspective always helps.
"Nice guys finish last You're running out of gas Your sympathy will get you left behind Sometimes you're at your best When you feel the worst You feel washed up like piss gone down the drain" - Green day
I think any scientific evidence that suggest nice guys finish first can be trumped by the Book Of Job. It's simply naïve to think niceness will always lead to prosperity when in reality life is much more complicated then that. This scientific session is actually no different then what you we hear with prosperity gospel. According this gospel you're a good person and follow good commandments you will get everything you want, you'll get that new car, that big house, that beautiful wife, etc. But life doesn't work that way, how many times have the nicest people suffered simply for doing what was right? The age old question of why do bad things happen to good people, and why do good things happen to bad people is there for a very good reason.
Interesting how books can trump science, tell me, if 2 + 2 = 4 and a book said 2 + 2 = 5, then doesn't that mean 2 + 2 = 5 and we were wrong that 2 + 2 = 4 because the book said so?
Dan Hammonds Anecdotal evidence does not automatically trump evidence from a controlled research study. There are lots of issues with anecdotal evidence so I think to make such a definitive blanket statement is misguided.
Dan Hammonds No it doesn't, well studied and researched things aren't trumped by first hand experiences because first hand experiences says nothing about the thing as a whole. _"Let's not do science because that's unreliable, let's use personal experiences because that represents everything!"_ is what I heard out of that. The only way to find out something is true is through science, not personal testimony. Humans are fallible.
Dan Hammonds Controlled does not necessarily mean you have a significant impact on what a test subject would do if they were not being observed. I was just objecting to your comment as a general statement that you implied (at least that's what I took from it) is applicable to any area of research. Obviously things like case studies and anecdotal evidence have their place in research, but there are legitimate issues with these types of research such as confirmation bias and external validity to name a few. Again, I just have a problem with making a blanket statement that one type of research always trumps another type.
Dan Hammonds So you're telling me that it is impossible for someone being observed to act naturally? That someone being observed will never act the same way they would if they did not know someone was watching them? That is quite a bold statement.
In the long run... at the very end... once they got bored of everything else they tried, ya then people go for nice. Calling that "finish first" is a bit of a stretch. But my fancy computer simulation! Is completely and utterly unrelated to humans who prefer doing crazy fun shit instead of anything logical.
"IN THE LONG RUN, nice people always finish first". But it also means, they finish last, because it is IN THE LONG RUN. Therefore, In short run, 'nice' people finish last.
Nice guys finish last. That's why I'll treat you trash. It's not what I really want to do, but you only date bad guys, so I'll give it my best try to, treat you the way you want me to.
I don't understand how this proves that nice guys finish first. They basically just said that they "win" in the LONG run. And the deceitful ones are able to get money right away, even though in their long run they won't be as successful as the nice guys. In the race of bad and nice guys, bad guys still finish first, but the nice guys will still be in last place, just a lot more happier.
If both party were to cooperate they take a long time to finish. If both plays defect, they never finish and get further from the finish line each turn. Make sense?
Kaye S. look at it like a marathon race. the nice guys finish the marathon in first place, the bad guys reach first place during the first quarter but end the race in last. this can very easily be put into real life perspective by comparing someone that goes to college, gets a job, works for their money, finds a partner, lives happily ever after and someone that drops out of school, starts a life of crime, enjoys a short period of time with having free stuff, money, drugs, prostitutes, etc. but eventually either goes to jail, ODs or gets shunned by everyone around them.
Everist Mister who cares if the girl has been "used" as you get older, all woman would have has sex countless times, same with guys. the marathon racae is probably the best analogy to use. i dont understand why this video has got to do with just getting with girls
SuperPogo17 Nice guys who get them after these girls been spent by bad boys. After they've got bitter and jaded, since they are the left-over material, the ones that weren't taken for marriage and such. Nice guys get the scraps. Get the idea?
Your typical nice guy finishes last. He has low value, is socially awkward, isn't abundant with females and friends, cares what others think, and has little or no value to offer. The good type of nice guy treats EVERYONE the same amount of respect, high value, dominant male, has a social circle and many mates, doesn't give a shit how others think about him, is persistent, and self-amusing.
