I'm Agender and I was assigned female at birth, but the clothes that I like are referred to as "women's clothing" in society, so people will automatically assume I'm a woman when they see me. I think clothes are for everyone; skirts aren't a "woman" thing, and ties aren't a "man" thing-- they're "human" things! I've decided to not care what people think, or care about how society genders clothes, because I'd rather wear whatever makes me happy and comfortable, than try some sort of androgynous presentation in the hopes that no one will call me a woman. No matter what I wear, people call me a woman, so I may as well wear the clothes I like. I know it sounds depressing, but I'm not depressed or feeling defeated by society's constraints. In my opinion, there's liberty and joy in being myself. I wouldn't be too joyful if I tried to conform because I wouldn't be true to myself.
@Jake Dean They will ask them for the right pronounce.We don't change our appearance so it is easier fir cis people to know our gender we do it to feel ourselves
I have actually never heard of non-binary before so I'm trying to learn more about it so I can understand it. Thank you so much for the explanation of your situation and the feelings you experience with it. I still don't 100% understand it but I'm going to do more research so I can try to relate more. Keep up the vlogging, it's helping people like me get some insight :)
this is... two years late but non-binary is basically any gender that isn't either male or female. male w a little bit of female? nb. agender (no gender)? argued, but technically nb.
When I was younger I wanted to be a boy, because I felt like I could relate better to boys than to girls, and boys seemed to do all the fun stuff, like playing outside and rough housing. Even then, I didn't feel like a boy or a girl, I just didn't want people to call me a girl, or to tell me I couldn't play with them, because I was a girl and not a boy. I mostly had social dysphoria, since I didn't really hate anything about the female body. (I thought the idea of women being able to carry a human being inside their wombs, was pretty fascinating.) I just hated the way people viewed me as a girl, and expected me to act and think like all the other girls. The most dysphoria I had about my body was over my breasts; I didn't want them to grow large or be noticeable and tried to hide them. I think that largely stemmed from social dysphoria, because if people saw that I had breasts, then they would know that I was a girl, and it would be harder to appear masculine. As I got older, the dysphoria lessened, especially when I was able to stop worrying about gender stereotypes and just be myself. Now, I don't have any dysphoria and just live as a woman. So I don't mind people seeing me as a woman, I just don't like people making stereotypes about me based on my gender.
I have gender dysphoria and social dysphoria. I'm non-binary leaning male, but anything like T that might help, could if I didn't have a heart condition. So I'm just stuck.
Thank you for sharing your story. I get where you're coming from. I was assigned male at birth but I identify as agender. When people refer to me as "him" or "sir" I get offended by it, but if people refer to me as "her" or "miss" it doesn't bother me. However, the city I live in is virtually blind to gender neutral people.
thanks so much for this video! i struggle with my gender and obsess over it but when u talked about the "chest dysphoria" it made a lot of sense to how i feel - i mean, i can look down and sometimes it makes me feel gross but a lot of times i don't mind my chest but it's like an extra body part that doesn't match how i feel inside my brain o; i guess it's the same with my "lower dysphoria". i also get dysphoric if others poke at my chest playfully or try and hug me. and one thing i can't seem to stand no matter what is "female clothing" u know, what society labels as "female" it makes me extremely uncomfortable even something as silly as "female labelled socks" makes me dysphoric i have to always be wearing male clothing. still, this video was helpful thank u!
I'm born female, and associate as agender- I only found the term about a month ago, but I immediately recognized feelings I've been having since I was a toddler. I guess it shouldn't matter, but it really helps to think that I'm part of a group and that this is totally normal for plenty of other people. It grants some validity to my identity. I feel like I'm going overboard in an effort to appear more masculine because I hate being a girl so much. I'm not a guy, I don't want to be, but I feel like people will only recognize that I'm not female if I go over the top. Presenting in a way that cures my physical dysphoria leads to social, and while I sort of get little tingles down my spine when somebody says "he," notices the boobs, and quickly corrects themselves, I know that if everybody actually thinks of me as a man then that will make me uncomfortable too. I fell like this is necessary sometimes, so that people will see me as not a girl. Especially with my family, who are of the attitude… "Riiiiight. You don't have a gender. Okay, sweetie, we'll support you through this phase." And, you know- birth name. :(
This vid literally describes everything I feel! So happy to have discovered this channel. Has encouraged me to make some appointments and hopefully begin a transition. Thanks Lane!
Thanks so much for sharing this. I experience a lot of dysphoria, and until recently I'd been calling it "trans to intersex," but I realized that non-binary may be the term I'm looking for. So thank you for making me feel like there's some solidarity out there for me.
i empathize with why you would want to identify with intersex, but i must advise you that intersex is a physical condition, and that even if you are nonbinary and seeking to transition to some sort of non-dyadic-normative physical sex, it is still never appropriate to compare the experiences of dyadic (read: non-intersex) nonbinary people to intersex people. intersex people face horrible adversities (such as genital mutilation, forced sex assignment and hormone therapy) that dyadic nonbinary people had the privilege of not being subjected to because we are not intersex. even though we may identify as a non-binary sex, we are afforded an agency and control over our bodies that most intersex people dont have the privilege of, given that many of them have their anatomy forcibly altered. that and intersex has nothing to do with gender identity, and there are many intersex cisgender men and women, and intersex people who identify as binary transgender. not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to emphasise the distinction so you're aware of why we don't compare our experiences to that of the intersex community.
I'm agender and AFAB. I wish I had found this video years ago, but better late than never. I experience severe chest dysphoria and am planning on saving up for top surgery. I was worried in the past that it wasn't possible for me because I'm non-binary, but the more videos I see by non-binary people, the more confident I am that I will be able to get top surgery.
Thank you so much for sharing this, I wasn’t sure what dysphoria was before, much less did I realize that I as a non-binary I could have dysphoria. But now I realize that I relate to most of what you said, and your advice made me feel a bit better!
I really like the detail you put into explaining your non binary dysphoria. I think I can really understand how you feel now. I've recently started accepting that I might be transgender after spending my whole life accepting the assigned at birth gender of male. After coming out to my daughter she confessed to me that she suspected that I was gender queer for over 6 years now. I asked her why gender queer and not transgender and she said it was because the feminine side was obvious but that I never seemed uncomfortable with my maleness. I don't know much about dysphoria so I don't know what psychiatrist consider the boundaries to be but an overwhelming discomfort I've never felt. For me its been more of an overwhelming dissociation or ignoring of my male body parts and the masculine that others force upon me. Till I was about 12 I did not know or identify my penis as a male body part. Even after being forced to accept the physical reality I refused to see it as a barrier to the feminine that I always thought was there. *So in essence I don't think I can feel dysphoria about a maleness that I never felt I had to begin with.* Did I wish I never had a penis? Yes. I used to dream about it falling off like a scar. Did I wish I had a female body? Yes. I would look in the mirror and try to hide my male body parts and accentuate my curves. I think if nobody had ever mentioned to me that I was a boy and let me be myself I would have developed psychologically as female instead of having this male persona that I've developed to cope with a society that doesn't see me as female. Physically I don't know what would have happened. Back in the 70's & 80's there wasn't the kind of resources available and I'm not sure any doctor or shrink would have encouraged my parents to allow me to develop physically and socially as female too, I guess this is the product that made me appear as gender queer instead of female. If you are still reading this, this is my question to you. Does your dysphoria exsist more because you feel that you don't fit anywhere in the gender spectrum or because you don't feel free enough to express yourself as you perceive yourself in the gender spectrum? Because if it is the later then I think I can relate to that too. As I've already said If I had been allowed to express myself as female without question I never ever would have identified at all as male. The maleness came along as a coping mechanism because that is what people seemed to want and still want but now I'm just getting fed up with it. What do you think?
Im non-binary and afb. glad to hear I'm not the only one that gets dysphoria both ways. wearing a dress, or wearing a shirt and bowtie....BOTH dysphoric! its a super difficult balance but I'm glad there are others that feel this way...
I just want to say i really admire your doing this, it was so informative and taught me a lot .And I was thinking, something that never occurred to me before, that social dysphoria might be sometimes worse if you are in the middle of the spectrum cause this world likes to put people in neat little boxes and that must be very challenging, hopefully that is changing, and certainly because of people like you speaking out
I relate to this so much, there are so many things in this video that you said that I experience the same way but could never really put into words. It's such a relief to see someone who feels the way I do talk about it like this and it helped me a lot plus it helped me strengthen my decision to take testosterone as well as hopes on coming out. Thank you so much!
This was an awesome video :) It really helped with the physical dysphoria I've been feeling lately and since I identify as Non-binary, I also learned something new about myself in regards to social dysphroria, etc. Thanks so much!
i love this video. you're really good at explaining! i can very much relate to what you're saying. i'm afab and nonbinary but experience more social dysphoria rather than physical...
The way you described your chest dysphoria is exactly how I feel about my chest. It just feels like this foreign growth that's invading my body and I wish it would just go away, but I'm stuck with it and it's sooo frustrating. One day I will get a mastectomy, but until then, wearing a binder helps me feel so much more comfortable within myself, like I see myself with a flat chest and just know this is how my body is supposed to look
transbucket.com is a good place to see/share pictures of trans people without having to explore any sketchy corners of the internet. great video by the way :) i've found that watching videos by people who feel the same as me about things is helpful, particularly because it usually takes someone else's words to help me realize my own.
Thank you so much for posting & sharing this ! You describe perfectly some of the ways I've been feeling that I couldn't describe.Makes me feel less alone knowing that there is others out there like me & that feel similar or the same things I do 💙💙 I also love your hair !
My family doesn't know yet that I'm agender so it's hell right now. I fucking hate that I'm stuck right now dealing with she/her pronouns and dealing of the body dysphoria that if I don't focus my brain elsewhere, I end up crying because I fucking hate being trapped like this.
DFAB genderfluid here, currently feelin' like absolute shit with regards to my dysphoria, nothing I do will ever get me the body that feels right and i just wanna die
+Irene Sutcliffe (this is Z replying, btw, since Lane isn't a member anymore) im really sorry to hear you feel so shitty, dysphoria sucks. i dont know your situation, so i cant say for sure, but it may be that there IS a way to get your body feeling right, but you just haven't heard of it yet, because there is a common view of what sort of physical transition trans people do, especially for binary trans people, so its hard to see or hear about people who find unique ways to change their features in a way that ends up being more 'androgynous'. there are less known surgeries, and low dose HRT regimens, and even ways to change your presentation with tools that can drastically change the way your body looks once your dressed, which are the sort of things which can help if your genderfluidity means what feels fine one day causes dysphoria the next. if you are feeling suicidal, please reach out to someone for help. if you dont know someone you can talk about this with, check out www.translifeline.org/ which is staffed completely by trans people, so hopefully they will understand. -Z
Yes, definitely don't be afraid to reach out and get help in regards to depression and suicidal thoughts. So many struggle with this, so you are definitely not alone, and things will get better. You don't have to overcome this in one night, but continue making small steps and eventually you'll get there. Sometimes, it also helps to be able to focus your thoughts on something else from time to time. For me, just being outside and observing the trees and sky, etc. helps. I've also stood in the middle of a college campus and observed people walking by and tried to imagine what their lives were like, or how the campus looked from their perspective. Anything, just to think about something other than myself and my depression.
My gender also just sort of wiggles a little but is mostly neutral (or for me usually a mix of neutral and a gender that is still a gender but not male/female) :)
Thank you so much for this video. I found it very helpful. I appreciate your courage and how you take the time to share.hope and experienced information. Peace and light, Joseph
I've always been very awkward with my breasts, like they're kind of weird and I wish they were much, much smaller. When I was younger I never wanted to wear a bra but my mom made me start wearing one and it bothered me so much haha. Idk. When I try to imagine myself with a completely flat chest, tho, I feel like it's kind of odd. I'd like to get a binder someday to try out having a flat chest and see how it makes me feel, and I don't want to cut my hair bc it's so pretty tbh but I'd like to wear a short wig and try to pass as male or androgynous, at least to see how I feel with my body and how I feel being seen as not female.
Thanks, i feel alot of what you said, as an enby, i realized now that the world is a big place, but we fill it up in our own gender neutral way, even if we are a minority☺
7:14 oooh that checks out for me but on the opposite !! as a transfem i feel like there is something more to my chest but when i put my hands there something is lacking. i was wondering how would different gender dysphorias could like be similar or intersect you could say and its really nice to learn how other people perceive their body regarding their gender identity
Ugh, lost my comment mid-way through.I have a weird reaction to my reflection too. It's not about gender (I always feel female, which is what I am physically too), but more just that I don't look the way I expect to look. I don't know what I expect to look like, but I just know it's not how I actually look. But I don't have a strong negative reaction, just kind of puzzled or maybe slightly annoyed. Maybe it's because I'm prosopagnosic, I don't know. I just, as a cis person I wasn't expecting to relate to anything about gender dysphoria
Hello, I know this was over two years ago that this was posted but I just wanted to say this sounds a lot like me. I currently identify as male, reluctantly trans, I'd prefer to be able to just say male though. I've been struggling with taking that on fully though, there are times I identify with female characters and people and want to cosplay them and there are a lot of masculine traits I'd prefer to not have (though I definitely want the other traits enough to work something out) and female traits I'd like to keep (like being able to exclaim about how cute something is and get sympathy when I'm upset). I have trouble visualising myself in general but I will often find it hard to see someone male in certain circumstances. When I imagine hugging or expressing myself I see a female and when I imagine intimacy *wiggles eyebrows* and general living I imagine a male or more masculine person. It's easy to imagine a flat chest but harder (except during intimacy) to imagine the lower region and I find it especially hard to hear a voice that is deeper than my current voice. I also have had extended issues with accepting male terms and pronouns, though those issues are slowly dying down. I'm still hyper sensitive to everything that is gendered though and then I over analyse my reaction and become dysphoric of literally everything :/. Almost every trans-male I've seen has said that pronouns and terms were liberating and that the best way they figured out tehir gender was that they could only imagine themselves as male so it's had me quite concerned. I'm worried about being non-binary because I have no clue how to be non-binary, and I think being perceived as male or androgynous is much more preferred to female so I don't even know if I even have to worry about that. I tend to worry about everything. Anyway, if it isn't too much trouble I'd really appreciate it if I could talk with you more about this? To try to understand my feelings better and gain some more trust in my thoughts and maybe nut out if I'm male like I think or actually a version of non-binary. Thank you!
Age helps, at 79 I am past all that GD concern. In fact I like my softening, and sensile breast growth. Never took hormones or injured my male junk. I've had a full male life, 2 faithful marriages and lots of grands. I cultivated a relationship and adopted the inner persona of a woman. I believe my erotic response led me to this realization. If you have this GD, challenge it, and adopt it, feel it in all its intensity. Then be what it dictates you to be. It is not a crime to knock on heaven's door.
Ok so when I realized I was enby I imidiatly cut my hair short, but then I really hated it cuz I thought I looked like a boy and it made me uncomfortable and I didn't like feminine clothing so I just looked like some 12 year old boy and I hated it, I then decided that maybe I'm not non binary..But Then I still had really bad chest dysphoria and I was so confused. Anyway to sum up my story, if you are non binary you don't have to have short hair you Can wear makeup and you Can be feminine it doesn't matter. Also I'm talking more about F T NB but if you're M T NB you don't have to be feminine or have long hair or wear makeup
I am really uncomfortable around people that don't use the right pronouns (they/them) and still use my 'original' name. Also because I am actually FORCED to wear a skirt at my shitty school, and by Amelia.
One of my favourite benefits of being enby is the fact that I can now hang out with my Male friends without everyone shipping me with them! (I'm afab) it's genuinely ridiculous that when I identified as female everyone would see me hanging out with one of my friends who just so happened to be a guy and they literally all just ship us for no reason?! It really got on my nerves seeing as I'm ace bordering on aro and im extremely uncomfortable with being shipped with anyone! But now people dont really do that so much which im glad of
Genderfluid NB AMAB here, and I love that you are putting content out to talk about the general NB experience. There is so much hate out there and seeing that solidarity is just everything.
I’m an agenderboy and I’m hoping to start testosterone. Because the society I live in is so binary, I have realised that if I HAVE to be assumed as either, I’d rather be assumed as a guy. I really want my voice to drop, my jawline to sharpen, and my shoulders to broaden.
Kinda related thing- I told a 'friend' that I was non-binary. Their reaction was to say that "I've never met a non-binary person but they all wear round glasses, are pan, and play the ukelele.' Even though I was going by Ray in all of my classes and (almost) everyone called me Ray, they still called me Rachel which I absolutely fucking hate.
Xavier Gomez idk i guess you could say im bi or pan? ive been with a bunch of different genders and dont rly have a preference. just as long as i like their personality. but ive been a relationship with my partner (a trans feminine NB person) for over 3 years now and plan to be for the rest of my life, so i dont rly think abt my orientation v often.
Dysphoria is a medical condition causing depression and asnxiety requiring mediciation or hospitalisation. It is not the same as “uncomfortable” or “dislike”.
