Not depressed, just a mess, and other ramblings 

Thanks so much! Digital hugs back to you as well :D

^_^ thanks, that's good to know!

Hey good luck with the melatonin :) Tbh I ended up not enjoying the book, some interesting ideas, but not well executed in my opinion. I guess it has some similarities in the sense of a virus, but I don't find that remarkable, given that pandemics appear in a lot of fiction anyway, so it's just a coincidence that you happened to stumble on this video at this time. So nah, nothing mystical as far as I can see, I'm not a superstitious or spiritual type anyway, though this year has got me mildly paranoid given all the mishaps I've experienced even beyond global events haha. I did used to have a strong interest in learning about alternative beliefs though, just never found myself able to believe them myself. Was more like how we tend to look back on the beliefs of earlier societies as "mythology" if that makes sense... Interesting, but not part of my own experience, much as I might have wanted that at one time in my life.

(=^ ◡ ^=)

I should do more bonsai hey. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't look after them very well while I was depressed... Is there anything in particular you want me to show regarding my bonsai? I guess I'll try to do a general update first but after that maybe I can try to do more specific stuff... I haven't been to lessons in a while but maybe I can still be interesting :-) I've actually got a lot of work to do on them, I've just been putting it off because it's cold outside atm x_x

yse please! I'd love to see an update on the first bonsai video you did on Australian natives. If not, just do one on your collection. Would definitely love to see your bonsai collection.

(*>ω

Alright, here's an update on my collection: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-PRZtjpVtSUo.html

I think you can still find some of the people who think they have powers on Tumblr maybe. I dunno. The old Sanguinarius vampire website is still around but I think it's not updated so much anymore, and the psychic vampire equivalent I used to look at seems to be gone. The decline in interest may not be just a RU-vid thing, I dunno. Or maybe I'm just getting too old to spot it! XD I've definitely lost touch with the people I used to talk to at least. I wonder where they all are now... What do you mean by asexuality venn diagrams? I know I tend not to feel at home in the LGBT+ mob. For me, it's far too focused on sex for me to feel comfortable there. But we're not exactly "added" to the community - it depends who you ask. There's a bit of a split in LGBT+ about whether or not asexuality even fits. Big can of worms, that whole debate. As for what asexuals want, I think it all boils down to societal pressures and expectations that people pursue relationships and have sex and make babies and whatever else, and to act as if they like it. Asexual people are told that narrative both in everyday life, and by the medical community where low interest in sex is often seen as a sign of psychological distress. I think asexuals mainly just want to be left to live how they want to live, and not be pathologised or interrogated on why they're single or whatever etc. (And not be sent threats by people who think rape will change our minds. True story.) Depends who you ask tho. That said, the asexual community sure has a lot of inconsistencies and issues within itself. I'm not sure that they always have the most helpful focus. I have seen a decent helping of bullshit going on in there, and that's why I withdrew.

I meant venn diagram in the sense I'm sure I have overlap with some kind of definition, somewhere in part. I'm content in my own company, I've been love too and found the relationship rewarding. I'm not without gender, I'm not without sexuality, I just have very low interest in coupling up. I would like children, I'd like a partner but I'm a point where I just have to admit I'm not driven enough to do the groundwork. I felt I needed to do some tick box activity but post that I didn't find myself particularly transformed as I imagined I would be. Is this low self esteem, yeah sure. That could be a thing. But I'm a guy, being a confirmed bachelor isn't as loaded a term as spinster.

Ah I see. Well the asexual community is constantly coming up with words for different levels and aspects of asexuality, but it's up to you if you find them useful. Personally, I find it easier to just say "asexual" and be done with it, there's a point where the labels become kinda useless except within the ace community, good luck using them in mainstream society, you'll just have to explain everything anyway. But I guess it depends on how comforting it is to you to be fully defined. I'm 99% certain they have a word for what you experience. As for groundwork, obviously I'm not a good source of inspiration, but IMO working on yourself is better than pursuing someone. Become interesting etc and then let them come to you, and naturally, instead of using dating apps or having someone set you up. Easier for chicks tho, and sometimes you do have to at least speak up to a girl. Eh I dunno, tbh it's a lot of stress and I'm not doing it again unless the person has a lot of money and will mostly leave me alone... with their money... XD **maximum cynicism** Lol, I haven't heard the word "spinster" in ages. It's a bit old fashioned haha. These days staying single seems less of a shock to people, it's just annoying when you're young that they keep saying "you just haven't dated enough people!" "you'll grow out of it!" "you just need to meet the right person!" etc. When I'm older and wrinklier, maybe they'll finally shut up about it.

I used to be able to reread books, there's one of my shelf that's super battered. But now that I don't have as much emotional connection to anything, it's a lot harder to make me even consider doing it. Maybe if you leave it for long enough though, when you remember the gist but have forgotten a lot of key details... A few years back, I reread the Animorphs series and it's amazing, they think dial-up internet is the best thing ever :D and there are still some American cultural references that I don't quite understand haha. I suppose I could do terrible advice on how to be skinny, since I am skinny through no real effort. I'll just claim that you need to balance on one foot for an hour a day on each side while juggling water balloons and humming the theme to playschool or some random nonsense. Except that I cbf lol, else I'd have already started that cult I've been planning for the past decade.