@@savinggift158 I disagree completely. Marriage doesn't change how you value yourself,others or a relationship. The fact that most marriages end in divorce proves that
My husband & I are black British & have been married for 30 years. We have 2 children & when people find out how long we’ve been married for they’re simply shocked. We agreed from the start to put God first & to be a team. We know so many couples that are BB & married - it’s a commitment that we agreed to keep👍🏾🤩
My folks are Black British aswell married since 1985 and have raised me and my sis. They get the same reaction but its such a rarity with the generations after (There boomers). I still get humbled when i see them together moaning about TV or politics lol
This is very embarrassing; as a Jamaican woman, I would like to marry, but it is difficult to find a decent man who is willing to build and commit to a good life together.
Not many decent lefts, no matter what race. Whites are abandoning their families, children and run for warmer climates and cheaper living and young girls.
@arijones9564 I saw her profile picture so thought Its best to confirm. If she has kids that's probably a key reason she is struggling to find 'a decent man' to marry. If she has kids, I also want to know why she didn't marry her kid's father.
@@O_Monopoly Are you interested in dating her? Her past should concern you only if you see her as a potential wife. She could ask you about your past. What would you say as to why you aren't married?
The new so called Black British couple are Africans and Afro-Caribbeans inter-marrying. Fewer Afro-Caribbean people are marrying each other. More cohabit.
British Afro-Caribbean and African marriage unions are still an inter-ethnic marriage as both are completely two different ethnicities. A lot of ole skool Afro-Caribbeans/West Indians historically didn't claim Africans as Afro-Caribbeans. Black was a label for Caribbeans. Africans were seen as other.
Ely, thank you for another wonderful video. One of the reasons why we black people tend to marry less is because our boys are not taught from a young age that marriage is important. As you know men control marriage and if they are not raised to see value in it from a young age they will not pursue it. My Asian friends (both girls and boys) are taught that marriage is important and they also see the benefits of it being modeled around them. If we want this narrative to change, we must change the orientation we give our boys and girls. We need to value teamwork with ourselves.
From your name, I know that you are Nigerian. In Nigeria/Africa the culture is family orientated. Traditionally in Nigeria and most of Africa a bride price is paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West people of African descent and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH.
@@blackmagic6I have African female friends who paint a very different picture of married life to African men. Yes African men tend to marry, more so than Caribbean men, but an African friend of mine, from Namibia, said, African men behave badly in their marriages, and that women are taught to pray and stay.
@@Coco-uk9tv: Whilst I believe what you say is true, I think that it is important that we acknowledge that a traditionally raised African who operates either in Africa or in the West has a different mindset to an African who was raised in the West. We also need to take into perspective of the lens that we are using to judge others when we say that they behave badly. Could we be judging them by Western standards, traditional standards or human standards. I believe that there is a chance that what we see as bad chauvinistic behaviour in the west is what might be regarded as manly traditional behaviour which is necessary to bring order and set standards within the traditional African family. Secondly, what is regarded as philanderous behaviour in the West and intolerable may not be seen in the same way by an African society in which the man wants to establish a polygamous family set up. When a man goes from one with to two wives, especially if the husband hasn't gained prior permission from his first wife, I can understand her being upset. However these transitions from one wife to many wives do take place all the time. The first wife is not told to pack her things and leave the family household, she is told to be accommodating and accepting of the new dynamic in the family. In the polygamous household it is expected that the love between the man and all of his wives is not diminished by the addition of another wife. The man has a duty to take care of all of his wives equally with love and resources. In the West, if a married European is seen talking to another female he is more than not seen as a "scoundrel" and the courts will be after him for what ever they can get.
@@blackmagic6 You seem to be a traditional African man. That's fine, as long as the women you have in your harem are genuinely happy with the arrangement. Obviously such an arrangement would not work in the west. So if that's what you and other African men aspire to, then you know where to go. Go back home and find a loyal, submissive, house trained wife, and leave us westernised black women alone.
Yeah because most Africans marry traditionally and so don't do the western marriage with paperwork. Also don't forget that some immigrants are here illegally and so might not register their marriages
African males have the highest number of children outside of wedlock which would affect the statistics. Having a string of children you've never taken care of or never seen then getting married does affect the average🤷🏾♂️
@@frompyramid5twoprojects925 What kind of shady comment is this? Please, if you're going to say nonsense own it -ok! Don't throw stones and hide your hand - it makes you look like a coward.
@8888zada Indeed yet I wish love was enough. Sometimes the feeling of love fades and its left with character and the commitment made before God and man. For some of us, faith, love for Jesus sustains and motives us more than our feelings to continue to give our best.
Myth. The black community have abandoned the true message of God and decided to follow the desires of the West. A deteriorating society that only cares about fun and riches. Black people (most) care about money, sex and relationships. They’re not trying to hear anything of uplifting the community, just look around. We pray though.
Black woman married to a black man living in the UK here The key difference I see in our relationship is that we’re focused on each other’s growth - mentally, spiritually, financially, etc. My husband isn’t looking for “total submission” and I’m not looking for “total provision”. We don’t have egos and believe in both contributing to the maintenance of our home. We look at the Jewish community and see how they are so dedicated to their people and don’t make excuses. It’s why their money stays in their community and they are focused on continuing to build and expand their influence. Black people could do that as well, but won’t if we keep running to other groups because they’re “better,” downplaying the importance of education and career advancement for BOTH sexes and chasing after the fruits of other communities’ labour.
Ghetto Baby momma and baby daddy culture honestly needs to be left behind. How is a man going to be unemployed, 25 with three baby mommas and think that's fine? I've also talked to fellow black girls who feel like there's just this pressure to just have a kid while they're still young. like some sort of check list which honestly I don't think is right. Rushing to have a kid while young and unmarried is just as bad as getting married just out of obligation like some 'checkpoint' or being so desperate for a partner you end up suffering with a bum. I firmly believe if people took their time datong and really picking an ideal partner, not ignoring the red flags less marriages would break down
Yeah, I think a lot of it comes down to people's perceptions and expectations around male female relations, childbirth and child rearing, etc. It starts from young, e.g. adult relatives will ask my six year old son "have you got a girlfriend?" There's this rush to put this stuff in children's heads, instead of talking to them about the future, about what marriage is, how men and women should treat each other with respect, etc.
@@elywananda The other aspect is. Black people, due to slavery etc. are years behind most other racial groups. And are really only now coming into their own. Moving from one country to another, starting fresh. Than add the fact that. Black men will marry out of the race in a heartbeat. If u visit the US, u can see the damage black men have done to the race laid out bare. It's really awful...
Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.
@@blackmagic6It's Caribbean men that largely date non black and procreate with non blacks. Caribbean women invariably mate with the few men who are into bw and tend to end up single mothers.
I think class is also a reason why black marriage rates are low. The vast majority of black millennials are working class or grew up in inner cities. You only have to run into social media content to see the amount of "road-men" and "city girls." The vast majority of this group have kids out of wedlock and If a black man or woman has grown up in a wealthy family or attended a private school, they'll most likely end up married to a white middle class person because there's so few blacks at the top of British society.
Black British Jamaican married to a black British Jamaican with a child and one on the way (we are early 30s). And I cannot begin to explain how much of an anomaly we are and some peoples shock when they realise. And I find it so devastating honestly. It’s SO important in our community to start realising the importance of MARRIAGE as the foundation to family. As much as people want to believe a happy relationship is the same foundation for children, it isn’t.
@@FinanceDee Totally agree. Glad to find your channel by the way. A friend of mine is obsessed with Monzo so I had to chuckle when I saw your videos. I'll be digging-in to your channel's back catalogue.
@@loudandproud18 Marriage was created by God and has nothing to do with a wedding celebration, nor a ring, nor vows in front of a religious leader, nor the signing of a government certificate. As long as a man and woman agree to LOVE each other for the rest of their lives then they are married.
@@lllBADMANlll It would be different if that actually happened. There are very few long term non married couples that stay together a long time and raise a family together.
@@lllBADMANlllcompletely agree, marriage is a mentality shared by two loving people imo. Many married couples these days don’t share a mentality and care more for the superficial side hence the high divorce rates
I'm Black British Caribbean. I believe Uk Caribbeans could be more structured in their relationships. Caribbeans don't really prioritise marriage. We believe cohabitation is just enough for our children.
That come straight from slavery where in British colonies marriage was not allowed.. we living on the same programming in our hard drive or subconscious mind.. That means we living unconscious just going along as we have always done without asking ourselves is this beneficial for us
@@thatbusdriverguy4182I think it'd much more complex than that, towards the ending of slavery and post slavery the marriage rate for black families were very high. One factor for the break up of black families is capitalism.
@@Jennyxx-ie5jw Exactly if he isn't interest in settling down and prefers to cohabit. Find someone who wants marriage. Marry before one carries. Why have a bottle of milk, when he can have the whole cow?
LOL!! 😂 It’s kinda the same here in America. In fact the Black community is facing an almost mirror like situation. If you haven’t I’d suggest looking up the marriage statistics of Blacks in America. This can’t be a coincidence and speaks for how racism is not only local but global. Be Blessed!
@@Beyt_El Yes, the U.S. is approaching UK stats. This is not a scientific study, just an observation. I think my husband and I and one other couple were the only Black couples we saw in the UK.
I think it depends what area of the UK you visit. I see many black couples in my area as it's close to Birmingham city centre. Statistically in the UK, most black people date other black people. The issue is a lack of commitment to one person and not enough commitment to marry.
Exactly this is what it is their beating around the bush, but that’s what it is & this presenter doesn’t have a black wife. Black men weren’t looking for black wives until recently when they got their wake up call.
Hi id say black ppl marry less in the uk for a number of reasons. In my experience on the carribean side of the community its less imposed and a person isnt shamed or there isnt any intrusive kind of input from parents or elders if a person isnt. In the african communities i find that arranged marriages are brought forward by parents and elders alot less than they would be back home. Id go as far as saying many black african parents in the uk have less accepted authority over their young adult kids here to operate like this unlike back home usually. Unless a young british african regularly attends an african church and lives in a way of seeking to make their parents and elders proud in this way then they will be more indiviualistic and then its not as consistent in their peer groups that friends and stuff are married like they would be back home. Im british african myself in the uk and more of us are hybrids with living up to cultural expectations in contrast to the people back home. We pick and choose more. This is a HUGE topic. Along with some black carribean females theres the conversation that black british females are not feminine, esp not feminine enough to marry and some black british men may go as far as saying they dont find black british women attractive/desirable to the extent they would marry them. black women in congo, nigeria, ghana, zimbabwe wouldnt have this experience as she would be married off early on and the pool of guys courting her like this and WANTING to (a norm) would be far more than she sees in the UK. On the black african side theres different rearing and cultural norm variables between back home and here for most. Some things were and are CONSTANT back home and without question whilst here more pick and choose the type of engagement with different norms and theres LESS of a wider community outside of your nuclear family pressuring or expecting you to marry and reinforcing certain norms. My thoughts...a Huge topic
Another thing is there are plenty of black couples in longterm strong relationship with children but don't see the point of being legally married. Furthermore I think your considered married under common law if you live together for over 3 years. I've come across 2 white men who have had the courts take things from them based on a common law marriage
This is so sad and depressing to hear. Where did it all go wrong. Too many baby showers and not enough weddings. The black community gone have me feeling like 2007 Britney Spears. Oh Gawd 🤦🏾♀️
Yep this is why i distance from other blks i have quickly learned we aren't brothers and sisters and just a self destructive community. Care more about hoochie daddys and hot gurl summers instead of building empires and breaking generational curses
Marriage rates are plummeting for all races and the Asians are the highest due to arranged marriage. Black African marriage rates are similar to white marriage rates i.e. 40-45%. This is a world wide problem and most marriages end in divorce.
There is a divorce issue amongst the wider multinational Muslim communities I will admit it, whether you’re Asian, African, Arab or European. However, at least we are trying to do things the right way, and God can only reward that. Whereas amongst Christian blacks though, especially Caribbeans, they are too busy living a “I’m just doing me” life and most prioritise kids and put very little to zero importance on marriage, hence, why kids are being popped left right centre. Poor women are only going to follow the men that approach and blindly lead them. The fascination of creating baby moms or baby father is shameful. Blame yourselves.
My parents never married. Infact they have been in conflict my whole life. Both my parents had terrible Caribbean "parents", one who abandoned my dad till he was 15 and the other an abusive single mother. I have nothing to do with extended "family" on either side and although my genetic roots are Caribbean, I have existed outside that culture since childhood. So I would never marry back into Caribbean culture. In fact, I've done well in life and frankly I won't marry, full stop. Good for those who do, some will benefit. But for me, I'll never marry.
For a guy legal marriage has no benefit. Cause with no fault divorce, the person who brought no money into the relationship gets to walk out with your hard earned money. Which is usually the woman since she 'looked after' the kids bla bla.
This is why our children behave like this… why we don’t like taking responsibility and pretending we don’t know why our children are acting out is beyond me….
Ive been told most black men in UK marry or date white women. Especially Jamaicans (as a Jamaican I'm not surprised tbh 😂). I'm from nyc but that's what my friends tell me who visit. Said there's less black community compared to the usa and lots of mixed people. I'm visiting London soon so I'll see for myself 🧐 it's a shame these numbers are such but I have little faith in them improving.
Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.
Most of the men are useless. Too many Afro-Caribbean women who are baby mothers due to irresponsible men and women making irresponsible choices. The Afro-Caribbean community is broken...
The discrepancy is predominantly in the Caribbean community, as the African community is comparable to their white counterparts. Studies also show that Carribeans have the highest STI rate which implies polyamory and unprotected sex . This may be due to more conservatism amongst Africans. Anecdotally, most black people I know who got married recently (in mid-late 20's) are 2nd generation African descent, and they are devout Christians. I think other communities shame single parenthood, whereas sometimes our community embraces it. In other communities, I think there's an inherent respect for men and traditional gender roles. Also, the communities with the highest marriage rates have more conservative values given specific culture/religion. A lot of us were raised Christian but are non-practicing. Furthermore, black women are more likely to be educated than black men, and black Caribbeans are one of two demographics in the UK where the women out-earn the men. Additionally, black women tend to date and marry mostly within their own race, whereas black men are more likely to date interracially - which means less options for black women. Women are hypergamous by nature, which means they prefer someone of a similar socioeconomic status or better for the long-term. But in the black Caribbean community, this is harder to satisfy (as men likely earn less, and those that earn more are more willing to date other races). 42% of marriages end in divorce and many of these divorces are due to financial instability. What I see personally is that black women have less viable options, so they compromise on certain things, and unfortunately can end up as single mothers. They get with a guy that they're attracted to romantically, but he's not viable for the long-term. I think black women should be open to dating interracially to open up their options, or at least prioritise things that are likely to produce good marital outcomes such as going for educated men (more educated people have longer-lasting marriages). 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, so maybe contraception could help too. That's just a few of my thoughts.
Spot on. Where are the black Caribbean male doctors, engineers, scientists, architects etc. Black Caribbean girls and women are ambitious and are entertaining the professions but the choice of Caribbean men of similar economic status and education is limited. To me the option is stark, open our options or struggle life as a baby mama. No late millennial or gen z black Caribbean women living in the UK today should be choosing struggle life baby mama life. It's a form of self harm.
@@Coco-uk9tv- to be honest, most Caribbean mothers allow both their male partners and their sons to run up and down & do what they like. They don't have the guts to set the standards that other races of women do.
@@AndyDre-y5x Sad but true. We need to start honest and frank conversations about the lack of progress and development of the UK Caribbean population, especially when it comes to the men. Also need to discuss how we reverse the trend. Two parent households and monogamy seem like good places to start.
I don't think you can equally compare african to caribbean marriage rates. Just look at the sheer population disparity of africans to Caribbeans in the UK. UK overall has a total of 2.4 million (4%) black people of which 1.5 million (2.5%) are african and 0.6 (1.0%) are caribbean. There is more than double africans than caribbeans in the UK. which will obviously impact marriage stats.
People do not understand statistics at all. Same argument People state when they find out divorce rate is decreasing they say that's because marriage rate is down 🤦🏾♀️
Finally, someone is discussing this. It’s a big problem. One of the reasons is because people decide to have a child first, placing priority upside down. Again a lot of our man don’t want the responsibility of marriage or family life? Our woman get married before having children
This is an interesting topic but complex. Black Caribbean people tend to cohabitate with each other before getting married, it is often seen as normal and I hate it. I am from a Jamaican Christian family and everyone turns a blind eye when someone lives with their boyfriend and has babies, no one will encourage that said person to get married. Jamaica as a nation has a 86 percent rate of children born out of wedlock and we wonder why the crime rate is high. We would have to go back into the past to look at the factors that caused such issues in Jamaica. I such as slavery.
@@db6881 because they probably did not grow up in a two-parent household, where the father was faithful and a provider; therefore they lack any role models.
@franskmouthpiece8487 Very cute fantasy world you live in. 2 parent households aren't the be all and end all. They produce plenty f'd up individuals, loads of people stay together who have no business being together in the first place.
@@djlivvy46 why would they, when the Jamaican or black community promotes the behaviour as good. Our music praises the men for having nuff women and children. Look at hip hop cultures as well. Also, our women keep dating them even though they have 10 pickney.
Marriage is very important . Even the bible told you in Hebrews 13 v 4 kjv bible told you so. Having two parents in the home give the children a stronger foundation. A bird can't fly on one wing . So I guess it need a husband and a wife.
@@nightwishisthegreatestband6355 how many can do what he did.am sure their is a reason why he done that. The most high said we must multiply if everyone did what Paul done then there wouldn't be any human on earth.
One thing that has suprised me is how much mental health is a nurturing issue as opposed to a nature issue. By this I mean the environment you grow up in determines how much better off you will be mentally. That is really surprising to me, because the narrative that is painted by the NHS is some people just innately have depression, anxiety, bipolar etc, which is true to an extent as highlighted by this video.
Excellent points. Mental health is an area that really needs to be better understood. You're right, the impressions given is that there's something about the genetics that makes us prone to becoming mentally ill.
Same here in the US. Interesting fact. Household income of black married couples is not greatly lower than the national average of all married households.
@@lewinwickes9882 I see. Yeah a lot of these issues are not rocket science. Life outcomes are largely determined by our environment - and the environment includes family make up.
The foundation of marriage is Christ. If people humbled themselves to God and his precepts then they would have understanding as to why marriage is so important. God is the foundation of marriage, marriage is the foundation of family, family foundation of community and community is the foundation of society.
What's an "other" Black? Dig it "love bonding" is relatively new and a result of the promotion of individualism. It's very deceptive because tastes and sensibilities can be manipulated. So, pairings are normally superficial. This is an outside observation, but it seems Black Brits would prefer to couple with white Brits (or white anything) than Black Brits (and "other" Blacks). The chart seems to corroborate this along with the Black celebs imported to the US. Seems like they're allergic to Black coupling. Is this the case on the ground?
Other black in UK ethnic group government language means black people not of Caribbean or African background. Eg. Black American, Black South American, Papua New Guinea, Solomon Islands, Middle Eastern, Australian Aboriginal. Black people in the UK often marry whites. White girls taunting black boys at school about their "ugly" women. Only white girls counted as having a girlfriend when I was at school in the UK in the 1970s.
@@josephhall9307 "...Papua New Guinea, Solomon Islands, Middle Eastern, Australian Aboriginal..." all Black?! Very different from the US paradigm. There's a smooth hierarchical gradation. Somewhat ambiguous but delineated enough to cause dissention...Masterful. Seems like the lack of division would result in a unified force. They indoctrinated us so much so that the mind tricks the eyes. Damn!...that bad hunh? Bless your racially misguided hearts. US is similar. But due to segregation we were educated to have a strong aversion to African features through school and media. No white girls to influence us directly. That's why once we get opportunity and proximity our thirst is easily quenched. So if Black is ugly what's the appeal for whites?
A lot people grow up in a single parent family, so they don’t know the value? You will think they would want to create a better life for their children?
The other way to look at it is there isn’t any wealth to preserve through marriage so there really isn’t an incentive to marry for black people in the uk besides religious reasons. The high marriage rates in Asian communities is mainly due to the huge financial downsides to not marrying because so many have their own businesses and wealth to share. (Which is another reason they rarely marry out) So marriage is essentially a function of economics. I would bet that the less economic equity any group has relative to others in the west, the less marriage there is (removing religion from the equation). So it’s a bit chicken and egg. Do black people need more equity in this country to make marriage make more attractive or is it marriage that creates the equity in the first place? By equity I mean businesses and assets. We don’t own many businesses and can’t give each other jobs basically. In fact how many of these races in the uk are employed by their own people? My bet is that would correlate well with the marriage rates.
Marriage is primarily a religious institution so people who are religious value it. Blacks and white people aren't particular religious hence choose to have live in relationships than marriage.
What a load of drivel from a confused waffler. I’m not Asian but can tell you Asians don’t get married to preserve their wealth, they get married because they are a very religious group of people! They put God first. Whether they’re Bengali, Pakistani or Indians. They all marry because it’s the first or second thing their parents educate them after their religion growing up; religion, family, career, marriage. Whether they’re rich or broke it is in that order. I’m a Londoner and most of my Asian friends are married. Black peoples problem is they have abandoned their faith and God in such a short space of time that they’ve been here in the UK, and rather allow the selfish western self-destruction culture that is liberalism and westernisation to dictate to them what life should be like! Fooling nobody.
Perhaps there is a generational aspect to this. I am always excited when a black themed TV programme makes its debut. Channel 4 currently has ‘Queenie’. I was utterly disappointed with the abundance of promiscuity on display from the main character as opposed to the conservative values espoused by her forebears.
Interesting! I'd love to hear more about this idea of performative values. I think that's a huge issue we need to deal with. It's far too easy to talk the talk without walking the walk.
It makes lots of sense. If you grow up in a single house family and know many others in single house families then you don’t learn what marriage is. So how can you expect to marry in a successful way?
@@djlivvy46 Google and RU-vid can’t imitate what a healthy marriage looks like. Also there is so much misinformation on Google and RU-vid since a lot of people share opinions and aren’t experts on topics.
@@Peter-mj6lz - blk men have all the time in the world to talk about weave and participate in silly balloon popping humiliation rituals, but can't seem to find the time to seek out information which would teach them how to be decent husbands and fathers? It is quite clear where their priorities lie.
unfortunately the passing of no-fault divorce legislation 2 years ago will only make marriage less viable as an option, especially for ethnic groups that haven't built a foundation already that values marriage as an institution.
Rich black men are with non black women. Don’t care about the broke brek or broken ones. See all the footballers beckiees know where to go and they get let in. Went to polo and there were a few black families. Black men looking like characters out of get out. 😢
Yep the only Caribbean Boss that I had with 2 degrees was married to a white woman. Two of the ladies who were Caribbeans who I worked with in Bristol and Birmingham were pushing 30/40 and were unmarried. One had a child very young. The other one not and when I asked both said that they simply stop looking and have other things to do.
I can only agree with your post, it’s so sad, I have worked in London for years, the few black men I have worked with in that time bar 3 were all married to non-blacks, the usual trope black women are too masculine🙄. Our daughter is a doctor, when out she has often been told by black men that she sounds too educated for them, only for those same men to turn around and date/marry non-black women in the same field, make it make sense, the self hate is real.
@KunitaMirage-pk3qj The number of black men coupling with non-black women is incredibly low, negligible at best, contrary to popular opinion. The fundamental point is that black folks aren't marrying anyone, black or otherwise. And therein lies the problem.
Caribbean people normally live in extended family units with parents, grandparents, and children. The family unit provides support for each other. Grandparents don't get sent to nursing homes but instead nurture and care for the children while the parents are at work.
Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.
In Africa the culture is family orientated. It is traditional in most of Africa for a bride price to be paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West people of African descent and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers, who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH.
@@newtrollaccount384who’s picking them most stable non black men I know date their own races or Asian women looool they better start looking at their communities stupid women
Let's keep it real. Most BW want to marry in their 30s, which is a bit late. BM have a lot more options and can get married way quicker if they want to. We don't have a strong sense of community like Asians, for example, so we need to find ways to make our relationships work, long-term.
Hey Ely, really like your videos - you always say sensible things. May I suggest getting an upgrade on the webcam so the picture can do your wise words some justice!
Don’t underestimate the effect of welfare dependency. So many children have grown up in single parent household typically mother, where benefits have been the primary income for the family. Such a person doesn’t necessarily value a marriage or two person family where you have to consistently work hard to build a relationship and home. Far easier to live on benefits and get a council house.
100%. I just dropped this comment before I read yours. "In Africa the culture is family orientated. It is traditional in most of Africa for a bride price to be paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West blacks and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers, who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH."
Most african men have lost it period, they just dont want to do something in the house, when the women do they start talking respect etc. They just are intimidated useless bunch
@@blackmagic6Sadly though, when marriage issues happen in the situations you describe e.g domestic abuse from the man, family and religious leaders focus on telling the woman that she has to endure, so as not to break up their family. A lot of it is to do with keeping things looking a certain way externally, whilst the woman (or man) is suffering. It may be a slight to say Western Black women are too strong and independent - but if that means not enduring abuse to keep up appearances, then I think it's a good thing. People also forget that the strong independent women were created by the same mothers and grandmothers who endured abuse. My mother, a married woman who stayed in an unhappy marriage for various reasons - specifically taught me to be highly educated woman who does not need a man to survive, so that if things turn sour, I don't have to stay in abuse. She also didn't teach me that marriage is everything, or that I haven't achieved in life without a husband. Not all of the lessons I learnt were good ones, and I do think that marriage is valuable. But just staying in a marriage to say that you're married really isn't worth it.
@@blackmagic6I am not saying that parental or religious involvement is always a bad thing either. I think in the right contexts, it can provide a great structure for the basis of marriage, and guidance in terms of selecting a good marriage partner, and support.
The marriage and mental health correlation can have lots of causes. Marriage is something created by society but then we are also happier when we match societal ideals. Not matching societal ideals or norms isn’t always wrong but gets you challenged.
To put this reality in context, the anti-establishment ethos isn't limited to our aversion and cynicism for the government and its auxiliary agencies, namely the police, social services, education, religion, health care etc. It also includes marriage, particularly the time honoured religious foundation that underpins this ritual. Our distrust of Christianity for obvious historical reasons is a major factor. In the absence of a religious anchor, we are left with fluid ethical and perhaps logical arguments to justify marriage as an institution. The latter is incredibly challenged in our contemporary secular society, which reifies individual pursuits above all else. This is purely a black disapora phenomenon. The distinction between Caribbean and Africans is telling. Africans are by every measure new entrants into the UK, most of whom arrived in the tumultuous post independence 1960s and beyond. Unlike their Caribbean counterparts, who came much earlier. The disparity in the marital rate can be attributed to culture among several other factors. The gradual erosion or fluctuations in the rate of marriage mirrors their journey into black britishness, which is distinct from either their Caribbean or African identity. The numbers are getting low by generation and will continue to do unless there's a deliberate and concerted effort. There's also the post colonial and post slavery fragmentation of identity and self of self. A subject worth a thesis of its own.
Congrats on your marriage and family. There is a lot of intermixing with Africans and Caribbeans. There is going to be a lot of bi-ethnic generations. It's interesting this new inter-ethnic union between Africans and Afro-Caribbeans/West Indians. Apologies I don't see any being as 'Black or White '. Peace and Blessings.
Yeah, in my (Ugandan) family here, inter-ethnic is the norm. We've partnered/procreated with Nigerians, Togolese, Ghanaians... There aren't a huge amount of Ugandans in the UK so this isn't surprising I guess!
@@elywananda That is really interesting African tribes mixing. You are going to get a lot of Bi-ethnic African mixing especially in Britain. I'm aware there are differences in being West African, South African, Central African, East African and North African ethnicities and tribes. I don't ignorantly believe all Africans are the same, considering the beautiful diversity and varying phenotypes of the beautiful continent. How do you feel as a British Ugandan man being married to a British Afro-Jamaican woman, and raising bi-ethnic children from two amazing beautiful backgrounds? Were your family accepting of you marrying an Afro- Caribbean woman? How were your wife's family about marrying a Ugandan man? Were they accepting of you? I see you and your family are living in Bedfordshire. Outside of London, East of England. Are you and your family enjoying the country life ? Have a good weekend with your family.😊
I think Black African Brits have a high rate of marriage. Theres a wedding every weekend and tend to be considered successful. I would also say 25 to 35 range are still getting married.
As an African in Europe they don’t do divorce, their marriage are usually very miserable in the long run as they split themselves in such fixed roles and they struggle to build connections over time. So not everything is okay and shining.
@@fa_abdi3001brother nobody said marriage will be easy. A relationship isn’t easy let alone marriage in a European country where there is so much trials and tribulations but if people prioritised God first and God fearing first then they’d be able to fight challenges together. Everyone has a choice.
Marriage is also a commitment in the eyes of God that two people man and woman are forming a union. This shows the glorification of the Creator is beauty since the beginning of time.
This is a very important discussion to have because I agree that marriage is important for stability financially, mentally, and otherwise. I think it's a complex issue. In Africa and Caribbean countries, marriage is viewed as valuable and in a positive way. In the UK, marriage is valued less. Black men often feel that a black woman is going to trap them or nag them so they avoid marriage. Additionally, people are having children and living together more so they don't feel the need to marry. Also, many black people are struggling financially and in other ways so they feel like they're not ready to settle down until they improve their situation.
I'm black british and I refuse to get married full stop - the divorce rate across the west is around 50% regardless of ethnicity. And don't let those statistics from the UK Asian community fool you, I have a Hindu female friend who told me years ago that MANY of those marriages are unhappy ones but a facade is created to appease the families and wider community, abuse and infidelity is also very common. I will agree that there are problems facing the British Black Caribbean community which need addressing but unless divorce laws are changed and a whole lot more the problems will remain.
I'm liking your discussion videos, who would you say is the main demographic of your channel? And how do you get our younger generations to view this content
Thank you. Most of my audience for these videos are male, and between the ages of 25 to 45, split roughly half between 25 to 34, and 35 to 44. Good question about the younger ones. My hunch is that reaching younger folks would probably require utilising a platform like TikTok or Instagram possibly - and doing shorter form.
@@elywanandasays a lot about attention spans huh. This is disturbing, as any vital information has to be digested long form. That's the reason many of the youngsters tend to be more Liberal leaning...much easier.
@@funkmasterjay Yeah I know. Though to be fair, I think the shorter lengths force us to be more concise with our teaching. I am learning this lesson with my children all the time. I start teaching them something and I know I've got to be super-clear and persuasive as quickly as possible. They say if you can't explain something to a five year old, then you probably don't really understand the thing yourself!
Also some of our communities self reliance on state benefits, which was intended to get men out the house, is a trap we fell into. You get more benefits, if you're single parents is an incentive not to get married.
In the West Indian community, the men were already leaving the house long before benefits were even a thing. This also happened in America, by the way. Certain people love to twist the narrative to suit their purposes.
No one forced men out of the home. There were and are too many men commuted to fathering children only to abandon them and play single when they’re committed or should be committed. Let’s stop the false narrative. The welfare came AFTER the abandonment not before. Why would any government spend more when they don’t have to? It’s because it was a problem that would lead to more economic and social problems if they didn’t step in to fill the gaps irresponsible men were creating by abandoning their children and creating multiple broken homes unashamedly.
@GiZeeGis what do you mean not wife material? Most Afro- Caribbean women would like to get marry, but the culture of not getting married in particular men has meant a lot of single mothers - not the choice of the women.
@@Missylife-t7mthey'd like to get married but they don't know (or want) to be a wife. How can you know, when you never saw it in your household. Every Caribbean girl i dated never had a dad in her life and mum was a single mother. Too much trauma, issues and lack of knowledge of self. Why would you marry that?
@sikakuo This is true regarding Caribbean women not having fathers in their lives, but it was the men who did not make having children within marriage a priority. It could also be argued that men do not know how to be husbands and fathers. This has been happening since the 1970s and has gotten worse over the decades. In general, the black community and black culture do not promote marriage and it is benefits.
@@IntrovertMaxxing It's quite a contentious and triggering subject matter to be fair. I get why some folks will have a visceral reaction. But I think it's important to have space for free discussion because we sorely lack this in our families and even friends circles to an extent.
Lack of wealth means less marriages too, the circle will continue until we either accept no frill weddings or the community makes it their business to contribute 😅
@Coco-uk9tv this fact is always ignored. Just go where you're wanted. Millenials and gen z know this. BM celebrities in the UK nearly always marry white women.
My wife and I are both black from different backgrounds Im from St.Lucia and my wife is Somali I really believe a big issue is most british black people don't embrace their home cultures outside of maybe the food And when your roots are taken you are a lot easier to indoctrinated with the secular nature of popular culture
I notice generally young black couples take longer to get married than others e.g. Asians too. They will be with someone for 8 plus years before deciding to marry. In my opinion there is really no need to wait so long to get married.
I am afraid us Afro Caribbean people lost all the values from Africa when we crossed the Atlantic. Afro Caribbean people are lost, even the Indian Caribbean people marry more often ( they still have all their Indian values, even though they left India nearly 200 years ago).
Afro Caribbeans are still relatively conservative. My St Lucian grandparents were married for 40+ years, and attended Catholic church every Sunday. These issues seem to happen after immigration. As Akala tweeted back in 2018, "Many of these kids out here being referred to as *Caribbean* in public language have never even visited the region. Don't nyam no hard food, would't recognise a picture of Garvey. They are quintessentially and culturally English, but for their blackness."
@@samyoe- lol, Afro Caribbeans have never been 'conservative' when it comes to marriage & reproduction. The out of wedlock rate in Jamaica is 90% and it already stood at 85% back in 1986.
@@samyoe- also marriage in the Caribbean does not preclude the existence of out of wedlock children on either side, both before marriage and after divorce. There is also a high incidence of infidelity and 'outside children' on the part of the men.
I think its multi-varied.culture, not much incentive for men to propose, feminism etc. marriage is a traditional institution but we dont live in a traditional society so alternatives will soon come around!
I know this is late, but did you know 61% of black immigrants in the USA are married. 29% of African Americans are married. I hope the numbers go up for African Americans. And, I hope black immigrant numbers improve too.
Based on how you've defined marriage in this video and the referenced benefits I can't help but wonder what your perspective is on the following things: same sex marriages, deliberate childless marriages, the difference and impacts of secular marriage in constrast to ones based on religious values, conservative marriage vs some form of liberal one, the cases where one or both marriages partners are actually domestically violent and the impact on mental health when the husband and wife dont actually feel compatible anymore but on stay together for the kids (is this always the best decision?). I respect the fact that you brought up statistics but I find that heterosexual marriages are often talked about too optimistically in constrast to what ive seen of people's marriages in real life. The long term negatives that some people unfortunately experience is not talked about enough.
@@kaylemkerr6989 My focus is very much on building legacies and passing them to the next generation. I respect people who think differently - heterosexual marriage and/or raising children isn't for everyone. That's fine by me. But if a significant number of people aren't marrying and raising families, that group is going to die out. It's partly why this country keeps ramping up immigration despite all the rhetoric.
@elywananda Thank you for responding, I've only just read it now. How do you feel about antinatalism? And perhaps why a black person/people could ever be antinatalist in relation to the negatives of the 'black' human experience? It might make for an interesting but high controversial discussion/video. I've seen/ listened to black antinatalists on RU-vid before. Personally as a black man in my late twenties. I've never really cared and in fact have outright rejected a few individuals concepts of legacy when it was explained to me. Belief wise I'm not exactly childfree or antinatalist but I lean more towards them, having many agreements with many of the people I perceive as decent and well meaning within those communities.
The term " marriage" is used quite loosely in some culture out of a sense of wanting to present a "respectable" facade. I recall the first time I realised this I was really taken aback and often the so called " husband" wasn't even on the scene. Hope u took all these factors into account otherwise the statistics that show some groups favourably in terms of being married are fake.