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I think something maybe Shaaba overlooked in the first one is that OP didn't say they were uninviting their siblings because the siblings want their bio dad in their lives - OP disinvited the siblings for how they were treating the dad that raised all of them. Honestly, I also think it's wise - the dad that raised them seems super hurt by how poorly the siblings are treating him, and the siblings and dad all being in one place might cause conflict at the wedding.
She hasn't distinvited them cause they want a relationship with bio dad, but because they have demoted the dad that raised them. Good on OP for doing to.
"She hasn't disinvited them cause they want a relationship with bio dad, but because they have demoted the dad that raised them." While getting upset at being demoted to step siblings and being distanced by OP, who is literally only treating them as they had already shown they thought was an appropriate way to behave. If you don't want to be treated that way, don't treat others that way.
@@lexwithbub Yeah, I think Shaaba wasn't considering the implications of being suddenly being the "Stepdad" or "Not the 'Real Dad'". Besides, if it Hurt OP's Dad, then that means he had pride in the title Dad and Granddad so having that be stripped away is them saying that it never mattered to them. They should've chosen a new name for new dad. There is a large variety and I've seen larger families where all the parents, grandparents, and such are still alive fight about who gets to be called what. Names are important The 2nd one was definitely the asshole though.
"You can't just disinvite someone from your wedding." Hard disagree. Hard disagree with all of her points. Jesus. ITS HER WEDDING. She can disinvite anyone who might make her and her husband's big day bad. If just seeing them after the bullshittery they're committing makes her uncomfortable, she's more than allowed to say "please don't come to my wedding." And their dad has been with them their whole life! Paying for them, driving them to events and friends houses, playing with them as kids. Raising them. And suddenly he's not their real father? And it all comes down to the sperm donor? Who pumped and dumped? Yeah no. The siblings are the assholes, full stop. If they want to reconnect with their biodad, that's fine. It's the cutting out the Real Dad that is gross.
I'm sitting here with the video paused because how bad of a take this is. I'm like trying to reel myself back in for the second story because what the hell
Siblings: "he's not really our dad. We aren't genetically related. He's just a stepdad." OP: "Okay then by that logic we're just half siblings." Siblings: "We've always considered ourselves full siblings how can you say that? that's so mean does our history mean nothing to you?"
@@whatismylife8100 Just seemed to not understand that its not about whether the siblings want to be with their bio dad or not. I mean hell they according to OP were even pushing for OP to go find his "real dad" despite clearly being content with the man that literally raised them.
@@Disatiere Agreed. I don't think she really understood everything. Shaaba seemed to be trying to be so open-minded that she missed some pretty critical info, including the fact that her own husband will be *real dad,* but not bio-dad.
I agree with Jamie on the first one, and want to point out one thing you didn't mention in your discussion: The sister-in-law accused OP of throwing the "half-sibling" thing in their siblings' faces even though they've been raised as siblings their whole lives. But that seems to be exactly what the siblings are doing to the dad - insisting on him being "stepdad" even though he's been their dad their whole lives. I find that very hypocritical. It's okay to want to connect with the bio dad and even trying to make that distinction linguistically, but then they shouldn't be upset if their sibling decides to do the same with them.
One thing gets missed, and that's the part that Dad was devastated by being told he wasn't really their dad anymore. OP is upset by the pain he's been put through, and the other siblings seem to dismiss that. That adds a whole other level to an already horribly complex situation.
The 'step grandpa' makes me think the siblings were making a point. If they wanted words to distinguish their dads I it's one thing but telling your kids to replace grandpa with something new and clunky, I think that was a message to the dad that he's not in their family
I’m very, very hurt by Shaaba thinking OP in the 1st one would be the Asshole in that situation. As a person with two fathers, I love them both and could never see either one as less of a parent just because they are technically a step-dad. Having a relationship with both is great, but if I ever said to my Dad he should stay in his lane as a step-parent it would cut deeper than if I actually stabbed him. Don’t forget this man just basically got KO’d between finding out his wife cheated on him multiple times and finding out none of his children are his biologically. Sure, the kids are all going through some reassessments of their lives, but to metaphorically kick their Dad who they thought was their Dad for over 20 years while he is at his most vulnerable is disgusting. He still loves them, and I’m glad at least one of them is sticking up for the Dad that raised them. Also, it’s OP’s wedding, they can invite or disinvite anyone they want. They should not be forced to be unhappy on THEIR wedding day just because of some shitty siblings.
I had to stop watching the video because the way shaaba was talking about it made me so uncomfortable. Normally I really like her but I found this actually kind of upsetting :/
I really don't think Shaaba was trying to say that people can't uninvite people from their wedding. I think she was trying to say "You can't uninvite your siblings just because they want their bio-dad in their lives" - Which *IS* a misunderstanding of the entire situation on her part. And I don't really agree with her takes in any way, and I think she overlooked a lot of the story. But to be clear, I agree you can uninvite anyone from your wedding that you want to uninvite - I just think her focus was on the "why", which was skewered. But that story is definitely upsetting. The siblings' treatment of the dad is horrid :/
Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed watching this to be honest and had to say to my partner, 'Yeah...she's actually usually on point with her views so please don't judge her on this one.' He hadn't seen any Shaaba content before. Obviously we're all entitled to our views and that's kind of the point of these videos, but I think the fact she went SO HARD on this is what's the most upsetting. I can imagine a lot of viewers who have had to disinvite someone from a wedding for one reason or another could be really upset by this. I also think it's a bit of a strange view to have because it kind of seems like she'd be okay with their own future kids suddenly calling Jamie 'step dad' if he wasn't biologically related to them...which is, idk. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
"And now you are step-dad, because that IS the reality of the situation-" It's not. Full stop. As someone who's adopted, I am so damn tired of people undermining non-biological families. ADOPTIVE PARENTS *ARE* REAL PARENTS. My dad is not any less my dad because I'm not biologically related to him. If I had a sibling who suddenly decided to start calling him step-dad because of biology, I'd absolutely not want them at a wedding causing drama. I don't think people who have never dealt with adoption or alternate family set-ups understand what an awful slap in the face it is to have *biological = real* constantly shoved down our throats. It has nothing to do with wanting a biological connection, and everything to do with *demoting* the parent who raised you.
YES! I fully agree here. When raising offspring, the parents that do the work are the real parents. I'll admit I was lucky to have been born to two amazing individuals, but unlike them, I don't want any biological children of my own (we have a very high risk family history of different genetic disorders - I'm lucky I only got hit with the ones that can't be seen) but I haven't closed the door on adoption if my future partner and I decide to start a family. At the end of the day, we remember the people who were there for our first steps, and words and first day of school. The ones who made us feel safe and warm when the world looked cruel and scary and taught us how to navigate it. Either way, in my opinion and based on the very limited information we got from OP, I probably would've asked them to think real hard if they want to come to the wedding because I'd clearly wouldn't take it kindly if they created any drama. If they felt they wouldn't enjoy themselves, they were free to not join, but I wouldn't have outright disinvited them. Just like dad will always be dad, my siblings will always be my siblings; even if they're acting like little poopy-heads.
As someone with two bio parents and two stepparents, I 100% agree. The latter aren't any less real parents just because my bio parents remarried. I'm fortunate because I can have 4 parents in my life. I'm also so tired of the "biological = real" BS.
it's so weird too. like, of course it's a very different context, but the argumentation she's using so closely mirrors transphobic arguments. like holy shit. "it's not real bc it's not based in material reality" when actually the thing you're calling real is an idea of worth and an identity pushed upon you. An attribution that the biological lineage is all that matters and all social, emotional, and societal factors are negligable. they aren't. they absolutely aren't. like, calling a man your step father after finding out that a different man came in your mom feels about as idiotic to me as referring to a man with she/her the moment he says he's on his period.
As an adoptee I almost started crying when she said that. No hate to Shaaba whatsoever, just a very deeply hurtful thing that was said. Im watching a year late, and I'm relieved to come to the comments and see someone else said it, so thanks for this comment!
Totally on Jamie's side on the first one. Family bonds are EVERYTHING. And they're NOT dedicated by biology. Rejecting your father like this WILL also hurt your sibling, and your sibling has every right to be hurt by that
@@MielTheDeerling I'd honestly go so far as to say. Biology may have created these kids physically, but the familial bonds created the kids they are today. raised by a different dad, they would not be the same. with a different bio dad, raised by the same family? much more likely they would be fairly damn similar
If you suddenly say the dad that raised you is not your real dad because of genetics, then you have to accept the fact your brother is your half brother too. You can't go changing the relative densities of blood and water however it suits you.
Yeah, i thought it was interesting shaaba seemed to really not pay attention to what the op was actually saying there. 🤷🏻♀️ She seemed to completely miss that point in favor of points. That mom is the real asshole though, for sure.
OP wasn't the A-hole in that first one. If your siblings suddenly say "nah the man that raised us isn't our dad anymore" then OP had full-right to say "then WE aren't siblings anymore by your logic, you're not coming to my wedding". It's your wedding, you decide who's there, and if your "siblings" no longer think that you're all family, then they can lie in the bed they made.
"then WE aren't siblings anymore by your logic" doesn't make much sense because they're not even step siblings they're half siblings so they are biologically siblings. Even by their logic they are still siblings. I agree that OP wan't the asshole btw it's just that as someone with half siblings, I hate it when people say that they're not really my siblings they're only half, because half siblings are real siblings. I do refer to them as half siblings when explaining my family tree because that is an accurate description but that doesn't make them any less my siblings than if they were full siblings.
Shaaba is 100% wrong on the first one. OP was well within her rights to disinvite her siblings if they're willing to toss aside the man who raised them their whole life.
God, I can't imagine how that poor man must feel. First, finding out that your wife is a cheating liar that not only had three children with other men but let you think they were yours for two decades. Then, seeing your own kids turning their back to you for some stranger and actively pushing you out of their lives, damaging your relationship with your grandchildren in the process. On top of that, trying to express your pain to them and basically being told that a DNA test is more important than the love you gave them all their life. I don't think I would be strong enough to go through that, thank god his daughter stuck by his side. 100% not the asshole
Thats honestly a major reason many men hate raising kids that aren't their own because you can put all that effort in and they just give you the finger once they are grown
If I were to find out that my dad was not my biological dad, right now, and my siblings decided to start calling him my “stepdad”? Oh, yeah. That would be an issue for me.
Heh, I'd be the first to start throwing "stepdad" around, but our dad was not the greatest by any means, and I easily had the worst relationship with him out of my siblings and I.
@@jjmblue7 I think that's a big part of it. We just don't know the true family dynamics. From the information given, it seems a little harsh to find out that dad isn't bio dad and so we're just going to minimise the fact that he raised three kids as his own, label him stepdad and immediately start trying to forge a 'true parent' connection with a stranger, teach the kids to value the biological father as their proper grandparent and label dad as stepgrandpa, and it would absolutely be hypocrytical of the siblings to then turn around and say that the same distinctions wouldn't apply to their own relationship - but we just don't know what their family life is actually like. Do they all have a good relationship with dad? We don't know. How long a period of time is this happening over, too? What does dad really think? Have the siblings actually tried to talk through or resolve these issues? It's not an easy situation to provide objective feedback to. Banning the siblings from the wedding? Maybe a bit prickish, but then again, it's a wedding, it's not about the siblings or the bio dads and if there have been problems then the poster is within their rights to decide they don't want it all bubbling back up again on an important day of celebration. It's just a sticky mess of a situation.
@@jjmblue7 You’re touching on exactly what I have a feeling is missing in this situation: the quality of the relationship the dad has with the other siblings. If he was an abusive dick or even just distant to the rest of them - I would totally support them moving away from a parental relationship him and closer to the one with their biological father and I have a feeling everyone else would feel that way too. OP could be leaving a lot out. It’s hard to believe they’d be that cruel to him for no reason. We have no idea 🤷🏾♀️
I would NEVER be able to do that to my dad. Idc if he isn’t my bio father, he put the effort into keeping fed, giving me a place to live, and keeping me happy (as best as he could at least) and the bio dad was never there? F him, I wouldn’t even call my bio dad “dad” I’d just call him by his name
My brother started living with his bio mum even tho my mum and our dad raised him for all his life. Because of a falling out with our parents as a teen, he no longer calls her mum, and barely contacts us. He now calls his bio mum, mum, when she ran away from my dad and didnt want to raise him, yet kept trying get him to visit and slowly convince him to not look at my mum as mum. When she raised him as her own, along with my dad who is his bio dad. Its so fucking painfull that he was rude and no longer calls my mum his mum, i understand wanting to move away when u fall out, ive always wanted to do that, but he barely adresses her at all, it still hurt us all, and really really hurt my mum who would cry over it. hes around 24 or 25 now i think. Its just painfull as hell that he left and disregarded all of us and changed the dynamic between us all. We visit him when we can but its so hard to even talk to him anymore because, hes our brother, but also feels like a stranger It all still hurts Its just painfull because my mum raised him as her own, has precious memories of being a family together and still talks about the things he did as a kid, and the woman who didnt want anything to do with him, left my dad as a single parent, was inserting herself into his life whilst my parents did all the hard work. And then took him from us. I understand why he would leave, but it doesnt mean it isnt painfull
Shaaba, OP wasn't mad that they wanted a biological connection- they were upset about the way they treated her father and made him feel heartbroken. Not inviting them to HER wedding for that reason is completely reasonable. She wants it to be a happy day for her and her dad, probably not wanting him to be around people who hurt him. That's valid. OP is 100% not the AH.
Dude Shaba, if they had called the two dads “new dad” and “dad classic” there wouldn’t have been a problem. But they called dad classic “step dad” then OP went “fine, if that’s step dad, then you’re half brother” and bro went “dude that hurts” and OP went “yeah no shit, qualifiers hurt. Maybe you can take that lessen and apply it somewhere else in your life” And bro said “still step dad though”
Yeah I mean they could've used some other word like papa or father for bio dad There are a million ways to start a relationship with bio-dad without hurting the father who raised them
Making the dad the now step dad is what makes the siblings the asshole. They made their relationships all about biology, so when "half" was being thrown in their face it was at worst a taste of their own medicine. Also. Why would it be a problem to have 2 grandpas? That's the normal amount lol Personally I had three grandpas. So does my niece. Also it'd be way more confusing for a kid to change from grandpa to step grandpa. The siblings suck. If they only wanted to know their bio dad I wouldn't be saying that. But they didn't.
The only grandpa of mine that I actually had in my life was not only not related to my dad but also appeared in my dad's life when he was already an adult and I called him either by his name or grandpa and it wasn't confusing to me at all. I feel like both Shaaba and Jamie kinda misinterpreted the situation here
And it wasn't even being thrown in their face. OP was simply saying if you feel that he is no longer our dad because of biology then you must also feel that I am no longer your sibling because biologically. I am your half sibling and half cousin. She wasn't saying we're not siblings anymore. She was pointing out the message they were actually sending. I'm sure that OP actually feels like her relationship with her siblings is now being devalued because of their emphasis on biology.
The biggest thing with this situation is that the siblings are saying "it doesn't matter that the man raised us he is not our real dad" while at the same time saying "we've always been siblings biology doesn't matter" It's incredibly hypocritical and it's coming off as if they're punishing the man that raised them for no fault of his own. To turn around and say you're not our father because you did not contribute genetic material is downright hateful and hurtful. 100% not the asshole
1st story OP is not the asshole. My own adoptive dad is my real dad, that won’t ever change. I can’t believe how incredibly cruel the siblings are being to hurt the person that raised them like this. Just hearing this made me think of my dad and tear up. OP is 100% justified, who need heartless monsters at their wedding.
Exactly! My husband is adopted and his adoptive parents are his real parents. They are the ones he loves and has a strong bond with. I would hope no one would be dumb enough to try and tell his parents or him that he is not their "real" child because it would not end well. He did meet his bio mom when he was in college but neither of them saw themselves as mother and child like that.
1 love your username 2 I completely agree, I was adopted as an infant and my adoptive parents are absolutely my real parents, they raised me. My adoptive father died years ago but even if I found my bio dad now, it wouldn't make him my father. Certainly wouldn't make him my dad. I didn't necessarily believe that as a kid, but as I've matured and come to understand more about love and family and being a good human.. I know who my real parents are. And they're not the ones I got my genetics from.
In Chinese we have a saying "生娘不及養娘大" which basically translates as "bio mother not as big (important) as the mother that raised you". And that's coming from a culture that only just falls short of OBSESSING over heritage and family roots. Because one of the worst things you could possibly do is to disrespect the parents (and teachers) who raise and taught you. I'm surprised that Shaaba (of all people) seems to have completely missed the point, considering a similar situation could very easily play out on Jamie.
yea, exactly what i was wondering. it's honestly horrifying how she essentially sat there, arguing against Jamie's validity as a father. and didn't even realize it. and I know the argument she mainly focused on was "the kids have a right to react any which type-a way". and that's fair. but that same freedom must go for everyone in that situation. if OP's siblings have the right to obsess over their bio parents at the expense of their relationship to their dad, then so do OP and her dad have the right to upset about that and create separation from them. Because if thinking through and understanding who is actually a victim in this situation and how hurtful it is to reframe someone as not being as important to you bc of such a trite property is too much to expect from those siblings, then putting up with them coping with the family falling apart by staying in contact with the mom and prioritizing their "biological family" over them is A HUNDRED TIMES as high of an expectation! That is a really beautiful saying tho and I gotta say it is truly impressive that, as you said, Chinese culture would accept that while the family web is such a high priority. I guess it's a difference in where that value comes from. connection rather than blood, and the expectation to put in work rather than a debt to your objective "creator" and de-facto owner.
@@sourwitch2340 yeah and so amnyvppl seem to be forgetting aswell that OP also went through the same thing. It's kinda even worse because as OP said they don't have the same bio father anyway so they are already even more on their own in this situation.
I strongly disagree with the idea of "you can't dis invite someone from your wedding" because it's entirely the prerogative of those getting married who gets invited. OP is choosing the father over the siblings, which is also their prerogative. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but that includes OP who is angry at siblings for discarding the non-bio dad.
I understood it as her saying "You can't dis-invite your siblings from your wedding just because you disagree with how they want to live their life" - Which would have come from her misunderstanding the story, and I still disagree with that take, but I don't think she was saying that you can't dis-invite people from your wedding.
First OP isn't the asshole imo. It's totally normal for the siblings to want to have a relationship with their biological father, but the man who raised them is still their dad. He raised them and was there for them and to suddenly kick him to the curb is cruel. You can have a relationship with both so, I don't understand why they suddenly feel the man who raised them is somehow less valid, and I can definitely understand why OP wouldn't want them around if they're going to continue to cause their family pain.
@@vampyrekyng_lex How is she judgemental? She gave them a chance, they tried to force THEIR bullshit onto her and even make HER give up on their father and meet her "real" bio dad, who never met them, never did anything for them, never tried to contact them and never even helped anyone. The simple thing is, if you were in this situation, you certainly would NOT be okay with this. Your siblings throw your dad away, and then try to push their own narrative onto you. Its her wedding, its her choice. If they can judge their sister for not wanting meet her "real dad", she can judge them and disinvite them. As others have said, its also dosgusting to act like you cant call your stepdad/non bio parent, your dad. Kids with 2 gay dads or 2 gay moms also always have 1 parent who is "bio" and one who technically is not, or neither are. Yet you dont clarify "bio vs non bio". Same with grandpa, everyone has several grandpas, you could just create nicknames. Turning it into "step" infront of everuthing and trying to force small kids to call a stranger grandpa, and their actual grandpa theyve known for years something else is as ridiculous as it gets. It shows they 100% do NOT want to keep their dad in their family, or even bother trying, and the moment they knew he is not their bio dad they gave up. Its normal to have 2 moms, 2 dads, 2 grandma/grandpas or even more, nicknames exist, gay people exist, adoption exists. The siblings suck ass, and nobody owes them an invite.
Agree, I don't think OP is the asshole. The siblings were awful to their dad and although i think the "half" comment was uncalled for I get why they said it but either way it's their wedding so if they dont want their siblings there then that's up to them. U are not the asshole. No offence shaaba but I TOTALLY disagree with you here.
As someone whose 'bio-dad' was an asshole most of their life I there is very little I wouldn't give to have any kind of dad that acted like a 'dad'. The siblings (and of course mom) are 100% the assholes in this story. They have no right to get butthurt over their very own 'logic' being 'thrown back in their faces' to see how much such stupidity actually hurts.
What's worse is that the "non-biological" father _was being cheated on_ by his wife *_WITH THE BIOLOGICAL-FATHER._* So not only are the 2 kids favoring their bio-dad over the man who raised him they are favoring _the man who wrecked the marriage_ of the man who raised them. That's beyond sh1tty, that's an outright betrayal.
Shaaba telling Jamie he's being too nice to the OP is missing out that Shaaba is being too nice to the siblings lol. OP is upset and hurt at the treatment of their dad, the man who raised them, and who then basically told to "know his place" in the siblings' lives. If I found out today that somehow my father who has raised me for 33 years, I'd be super pissed at my mom, and super pissed at my brother if he decided that our father is no longer good enough to be "Dad". But that would never happen because my brother and I are basically copies of our parents so. LOL
'You can't just disinvite them from your wedding' Um...what? Yes, you absolutely can. It's your wedding you can disinvite ANYONE you want for whatever reason you want.
Shaaba got the first one completely wrong, ignoring the fact that op defended her dad when her siblings disowned him and were horrible to him, it's her wedding and she can choose to uninvite someone for any reason.. so uninviting two toxic people who are going to hurt her father with their mere presence is completely justified and throwing their own mentality back at them during a heated discussion is just the cherry on top and exactly what they deserve, now they know what they put their dad through and since they don't see anything wrong with what they did then they aren't allowed to be upset if the same thing happens to them but for a legitimate reason this time
Remember we only hear OP's side of it though. Here's a potential story of what OP's siblings might say, for example: "Our step-dad always suspected we weren't his real kids and treated us that way, but he always assumed [OP] *was* his real kid (even though they turned out not to be, either). Step-dad always treated us differently and we never felt that close. When we finally discovered we had a different biological father, everything kinda made sense. We immediately made a connection and have been growing closer with every day we spend with him." It could be anything, ya know?
I agree that people are justified in having full control over who they invite - but this sounds like petty uninviting over a family feud. Wouldn't they still invite their step-siblings to the wedding, even if they hadn't grown up in the same household? They could just invite them but say they won't interact with them etc. They have the right to choose who they invite - but I bet 5 years down the line they will regret it if they don't invite them.
@@OhSoUnicornly it's as simple as these people were hurting someone they cared about with their actions, and they didn't want that at their wedding. The different sides of the story are actually irrelevant here because it is op and how she feels about the situation that influences her decision. If she isn't comfortable having them there for any reason then that's it, end of story. (Same would apply if it were her partner in this situation)
Being a biological father doesn't make you a dad. Love, protect, raise and respect your kid, regardless of who brought them into the world or who conceived them and that is what makes you a real dad.
It kind of sounds to me that the "biological" fathers didn't even know they had these children in the first place. Who knows what would have happened if they knew? Maybe they would have tried to be in the children's lives. Maybe not. I think that it's a really complicated situation.
Yea... If he raised them for 20+ years, it's really not okay to shaft him in place of someone who is biologically related to them, but hasn't done anything for them, in fact, it sounds like kids were the one who found them, so he probably wasn't even looking for 'em.
It feels so tone deaf of (I don't know who they are) the person on the left to act like it's just a thing of "we disagree" Like man, the dad is going to be there. Do you think this person wants their father to be disrespected like that at their wedding? This is much more than some petty thing
Hearing Shaaba's take on the first story made me sad, it felt like she didn't really get the point of the whole thing and thought the issue was just over OP's siblings wanting to have relationships with their bio dads even though that wasn't the problem. Plus if it's OP's wedding I feel like they shouldn't "have to" invite anyone that they don't want to be a part of it, and I think they're within their rights to tell their siblings that they don't want them at the wedding anymore. It's understandable for the siblings to potentially feel hurt by it but a wedding is supposed to be about a couple's love and commitment and celebrating that. No one is entitled to be at another person's wedding imo, especially if there's the potential for them to somehow take attention away from the couple getting married like there seems to be in this case.
I think the point that Shaaba missed (maybe) is not just the re-labelling of their life-long Dad, but that the siblings told Dad that he was "Dad no matter what" then immediately went back on it. Then they went to OP and said, "Hey, it's okay to go back on your word too and meet YOUR Bio-father." OP doesn't just seem mad about the abandonment of the man that raised all of them for 20 years+, but that their siblings were pressuring OP to "dump Dad". I would disinvite someone from my wedding for that reason too. No one talks to/manipulates me that way. no.
The siblings were totally pressuring op in the first story to replace their dad with their bio dad. Anyone trying to pull anything like that with me would be uninvited so fast it would make their head spin!
Exactly! I am in essentially the opposite situation in that I have gone no contact with my father because of the way that he treats me. However, my sister has not. I will add that she is my half sister so we have different moms and at this point both of our moms are dead so the only parent we both have is our father. It makes things a little difficult and awkward at times because I can't Be around him. So if there's a birthday party for my niece or nephew for example I can't go if he's going. However, my sister and I haven't let that impact our relationship at all. I just make arrangements to see everybody on a different day when Grandpa isn't around. My sister has been really supportive because she understands that the way I was treated was completely unacceptable. If she was to ever try and force me to be around him and to take his side and say "do it the way that I think you should do it" I would absolutely have to cut her off too.
Yeah, in my opinion you can disinvite people from your wedding for any reason you feel is necessary. It’s your wedding, why should you be pushed to have people there when their presence is just going to make you miserable?
I will always stand by the people **getting married** and their choices on who to invite. It is their wedding, and it's an honor to be invited. If you fuck up in their eyes, it is perfectly acceptable for them to tell you not to come.
Agreed, it is a big decision to invite someone to your wedding and an even larger one to uninvite someone. Activity and intentionally making op and her dad uncomfortable is a great reason.
Well with that last one with the menstrual products, people were also saying in the comments that: 1. Dry tampons hurt like hell to pull out, so she does probably have a very heavy flow and 2. With flows that heavy, as in going through several boxes a MONTH, she could have some kind of medical condition and pushed for op to tell his sister to get it checked out
@@jakethejake1772 And that's exactly the kind of thing the parents should be assisting with. It's ridiculous to force their barely-adult son to pay for everything for his sister.
@@thespankmyfrank Doesn't seem strange to me sadly before my periods were suppressed I had to wear the heaviest type of tampon and a heavy pad and change it every hour for the 1st 5 days of my period. I agree with the people who set talk to her she probably has a medical condition she's not dealing with.
As someone who is adopted, I know if my parents stopped calling me their real child, that would hurt, and therefore it would hurt if i stopped calling them my real parents. They raised me, they are my real parents, blood means shit when blood ain't there for ya
Why is it okay for the siblings to say biology is all that matters, but when the same is done for them it's suddenly a huge problem? I don't think they're the AH for disinviting them, it's not about the siblings wanting to know their biological dad, it's them pushing the dad who's cared for them their whole lives aside all of a sudden and acting like he's no one. Shaaba is acting like it's about them wanting their bio dad in their life, that's not the problem here.
it really did seem like Shaaba didn't take in the entire scenario for what it was. The problem was the siblings trying to push their PoV of their original dad onto OP and being so toxic.
@@princessofhell4639 Yeah it seemed like Shaaba kind of stopped listening to OP's viewpoint halfway through because they already had made their mind up (idk Shaaba's pronouns so I'm just gonna go with "they" for now)
Re: The wedding one, Shaaba is 100% wrong. Your wedding is your own event (usually with so much behind-the-scenes work and planning) and you should never ever feel pressured to have people there if you don't want them. Yes, this includes people you invited before and then had some sort of falling out with (maybe you found out they're a raging white supremacist, maybe they insist on disrespecting your family). It's probably better to try discussing issues like rational adults before they turn into huge problems, but if you're willing to deal with the social consequences of breaking with tradition or being seen as selfish, don't include people who won't make you feel loved and supported at your own damned wedding.
@sodidyouknow I thought that might be the case too - Shaaba's experiences of weddings is different. For me, I would've done the same thing as the op, because a wedding is YOUR day. But in many cultures it's much more of a family matter.
I completely agree with Jamie on the first one. We found out a couple of years ago that my sister is actually my half sister. She has a different dad than my brother and I. She made it a point to let our dad (who raised us) know that he wasn’t less than just because he wasn’t her biological father. If she had “demoted” him, that would have definitely put a strain on mine and her relationship. She wanted to know who her biological dad was, and no one had a problem with that. However, she made sure to be sensitive of how our dad (that raised us) felt about everything. She has never called him anything else, and she is about to have a baby and the baby will call him grandpa.
Oof that first story. As a trans person who has had to make peace with the fact that any kids I ever have can't be my biological children, I must say I empathized very strongly with Jamie when he tried to bring up that very point, about his own perspective on the whole situation. And when I heard Shaaba basically steamroller straight over that, as though she hadn't even heard what Jamie said -- that was just completely painful. She didn't even listen to Jamie's perspective, and Jamie even looked kind of hurt (I might be projecting my own feelings here...) Still -- he barely could get a word in that whole conversation. Shaaba was just basically bulldozing the whole thing, it was quite cringe-inducing. The cringe was also compounded by the fact that Shaaba was visibly having to work SO HARD to make her point make sense -- it didn't really seem like it was a calm or rational thought process. It felt more like she had a very instinctive, gut reaction, and wriggled and thrashed around to try and justify it somehow. The insistence that "you can't just uninvite someone to a wedding." was particularly suspect to me. I wondered where the hell she could possibly be coming from. Has she been excluded from a wedding herself? How is she resonating so much with the siblings here? Why does a wedding invitation take precedence over their poor treatment of their own father? And I just kept thinking, like; what if Shaaba and Jamie have kids, and one of them decides they "need a connection" to whoever's sperm was involved -- what if this kid then decided Jamie wasn't their "real dad" ? How would Shaaba react to that? What if that kid told Jamie he was "just a step-dad now" and to stay in his lane? Like -- what the fuck? How can that POSSIBLY not be a valid cause for estrangement? My dad has decided he won't talk to me just because he can't handle the simple fact that I'm trans. So I'm not losing sleep because this person wants to cut off their jerk siblings (let alone just uninvite them to a party) over how shitty they're being to their actual dad, I'm sorry. I understand that there are three sides to a story. But in this case, Shaaba seemed just so intent on completely ignoring the only side to which she had access. On a sub like AITA, the only thing to do is take the OP at their word. Otherwise what's the point? It's quite tough, because I usually really like Shaaba. But on this occasion, I felt completely attacked :(
I feel the exact same way! I felt so sorry for Jamie because he got no chance to explain his view. He clearly tried to say his bit multiple times, but Shabaa waltzed right over him. Surprisingly so, tbh, because on her own channel she is usually so thoughtful and nuanced
I was flabbergasted to hear Shaaba say that. If they were to have kids one day, would she be completely ok with their kids calling Jamie step-dad? I thought of all people, she'd understand that biology =/= family.
She was well out of order and even I who has no emotional baggage related to the story at all was disgusting with her attitude and lack of understanding. Not a good first impression at all.
The way she even said that the kids saying ‘you’re stepdad because that’s just the reality of the situation’ would be okay somehow was so weird. Like absolutely not! That is not the reality of the situation wtf? The reality is that he is their dad, the one who raised them and cared for them. Biology and genetics do not change that reality. Like the way she said it made me wonder what her reaction would be if their kids said that to Jamie?
It's not about them wanting their bio-dad in their life, it's about the way they're treating the dad that raised them, the siblings are being hypocrites
I think it's fine if OP hate's how they are acting so I'll defend them there but being angry on someone else's behalf (to the point it interferes with your own relations) almost never goes well.
First story is completely wrong, they didn't just want both in their lives, they straight up just tried to cut him out despite him being their dad for their entire lives.
@@Plague_and_class it didn’t really sound that way, more like it was taken out of context, or exaggerated, because obviously he’s in their lives or the grandkids wouldn’t even be brought up.
im trying to figure out if maybe he's a shitty dad to all but OP, cause to cut him off completely doesnt make me think they had a good relationship to start with
As someone who’s adopted, in my mind, my “real” parents are always going to be the ones who raised me. Sometime in the future, I might reach out to my biological parents, sure. But I know how much it would break my real parents’ hearts if I told them they weren’t my real mom and dad. It’s okay to want a relationship with your biological family too, but to me the siblings are total assholes for just cutting out the man who raised and loved them. I would do the same thing as op
Same. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told someone I was adopted and had them ask if I want to find my “real” parents, to which I’ve replied that I’ve known my real parents all my life but am interested in meeting my *birth* parents. This was a genuinely disgusting take to listen to.
@@kearanmalon35 Yeah, agreed. One of my worst responses I get when I tell people is “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Like… what?? You’re sorry that my birth parents realized they couldn’t take proper care of me so they gave me a better life with people who could? Lmao it’s just so weird that people feel bad
Hi, also adopted here. Out of curiosity, if you don't mind my asking, was it always that way for you? I ask because I went through a lot of abandonment issues as a kid/teen, and I frankly was horrible to my parents. My mom has been so so nice about having conversations with me about my childhood and acknowledging that she knew I was being awful (and why), but she loves me anyway, and knows I've matured. I've since learned that my birth mother actually left me outside, still covered in blood, and even if I didn't know that, I still don't really want anything to do with her. I have a mother already.
@@jvseventeen It’s always been that way for me, yeah. I remember when my parents told me I was adopted, they kinda drilled into my head “Your birth parents loved you, this was the best decision they could make to keep you safe,” and I think that affected my thoughts about it a lot. Not sure though
I've loved all of Shaaba's Am I the A Hole videos and felt she has been really insightful and fair in all of them. But I also felt really sad and uncomfortable watching this video. Absolutely heartbroken for the bio Dad who is truly just "Dad". Poor Jamie having to hear her views on this :( especially as he said about the likelyhood of not being biologically related to his future children in the actual video.
He said that, and then she completely ignored it entirely. And then all I could hear the rest of the time she was talking was "biology biology biology" and I was like "wait, is this even the same Shaaba? what is going on?"
@@skaryzgik yeah, my heart really hurts for jamie in this video. is shaaba still going to feel that biology is "just reality" and non-bio dads are "stepdads" when it's her kids jamie is raising? when jamie spends 18 years being the only dad their kids have ever known and they find their sperm donor and demote jamie, will she still defend that move? will she regard anyone who prioritizes history over biology as the asshole?
I could also see why Jammi is uncomfortable with the biology stuff, because that's the excuse transphobes use to discredit him as a man. "You aren't the biological father so not a father" and "you're not a biological man so not a man". Obviously Shaaba isn't a transphobe.
@@Liggliluff I disagree with the view that people are “a transphobe” or “not a transphobe”. Actions are transphobic or not, and being transphobic is something that can happen to us all, it can happen to any trans person also. And it might be ok if you can self-reflect and critique yourself. And it doesn’t condemn you to do it again. Not saying then that Shaaba is problematic, but that I felt that she had a way of communicating about the issue that I find a bit insensitive, which is bound to happen in any deep relationship from time to time. Hopefully she and Jamie got to talk about it, and find common ground. Understanding that I believe can help us tremendously better ourselves :) All the best !
"You can't disinvite your siblings from your wedding" excuse me wtf? That is such a bad take. You can uninvite *anyone* from your wedding for *any* reason. It's *your* wedding and *your* day, you aren't obligated to have anyone there, regardless of biological relation. And the OP in the first one is absolutely right. Wanting their bio dad in their lives is valid but throwing their dad to the curb and acting this petty is absolutely not. Being not comfortable having a "family" member at your wedding when they treat someone you love like shit is understandable and I would do the same thing in that situation. Sorry bc I normally like Shaaba but she made me so uncomfortable watching this. I get her opinion but as far as I'm concerned she's flat out wrong.
agreed. it's so shitty the way they treated their father (the man that raised them) and I can understand wanting to meet yer bio dad but that does not mean you can force literally the who family to distance themselves from the dad that raised them and even told their kids to say step grandad like wtf? if I found out I was adopted I really wouldn't care because I love my mom and I'd never abandon her just because another random woman turned out to be my biological mother
Furthermore the siblings are making her uncomfortable by pressuring OP to have a relationship she doesn’t want with the bio-dads and distance from her dad. Like WTF? Why would she want people who are going to make both her and her father uncomfortable? Ya, no.
That's literally what I wanted to write and why I paused the video. It's OP's wedding. She can disinvite whoever she wants, and I am glad she took her REAL dad's side. He is the real dad and the siblings are AHs.
I feel like a lot of people are taking Shaaba's argument in bad faith - Personally I understood what she said as "You can't dis-invite your siblings from your wedding just because you don't agree with them wanting a relationship with their bio-dad". Which is a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the story on her part, but I don't think she's saying that you can't dis-invite your siblings at all "because family". I think she thinks the main problem is that OP was angry over the "step-dad" term and all that, so she might've misunderstood something. To be clear, I 100% agree you can dis-invite or refuse to include anyone in *your* wedding, because it's yours and no one is entitled to be invited just because "family" or whatever. I just understood Shaaba's words differently, even though I still disagree with that take too.
Speaking as someone who did not invite an entire side of my family to my wedding: I don't think the OP is the asshole at all. This person has seen their siblings go back on their word about life long relationships and those same people are pressuring the OP to meet their "real" dad. OP has exactly 0 ways to be sure that these siblings won't force the issue and bring their "real" dad and "real" uncle to the wedding. Weddings are about the couple, and the couple should be able to trust their guests at the most basic level.
Plus OP is paying for the wedding (I assume) and it's their special day - siblings don't have a pregiven right to go to the wedding, if op doesn't want them there for whatever reason that's their choice, it doesn't matter the reason. If OP would feel uncomfortable with then there even for just some random reason thats their choice, they shouldn't feel the need to invite someone who would make them enjoy their day less regardless of who they are
Agree! I think it heavily depends on your relationship with your family so maybe Shaaba doesn't understand it on that front. But if you don't have the closest ties to each other in the first place then you can absolutely uninvite them. If I ever marry, I'll probably only invite my best friends and sister, mayyybe my parents. It's your wedding, your rules. Your family is not entitled to be a part of your life if you don't want them to be.
Yeah I just think the siblings are super hypocritical. The op doesn’t want their dad to be called step-dad but the siblings do so anyways, but they get upset when they get called step-siblings even though that’s just as true as the dad not being bio. I would’ve talked to them and my partner a lot more before deciding this because obviously everyone has major emotions involved
@The Werewolf Of Tasmania Cause they might not have a good relationship, in different situations to this one they might be abusive, toxic or absent. Not everyone comes from a perfect or even good family
With the first story the whole correcting to "step" part really hit me on a personal level as I have a son who was 6 months old when I met my current husband and when people would make comments about him being my in-laws grandson they would correct them to say step grandson (this was a few years into our relationship) and it pissed me off and I know it hurt my son. Just because it's a technical truth doesn't mean it's right or ok. If it were me I would probably disinvite my siblings as well.
From every video where they're together, it's obvious how beautiful Shaaba and Jamie's relationship is and how supportive they are of each other. Having said that, I really feel like Shaaba didn't listen to Jamie when he was talking about his worries about not having a biological connection with his child in that one moment during that first story. Even though it's for a very different reason (I'm an infertile cis woman) I can definitely relate to having those fears in the past. I'd love to see this vid open up a greater conversation around that topic, and maybe a follow up vid duscussing that sort of thing?
Thank you while I agree that its nice to see a couple agree to disagree it really feels as if she didnt listen to him at all and kept talking over him. And everyone who like mentions "how nice it is for them to disagree but not make a big deal out of it" keeps overlooking that fact that he had v little room to state his piece on something i lowkey feel he has more say over. As an ace nonbinary, its kinda sickening to hear Shaaba say that biological family means more than adopted or step family (or at least that's what it sounds like in context of OPs post) especially as someone who hopes to adopt in the near future. I felt ill listening to it bc like... My family will always be MY family. My bio mom will never be able to be my mom or able to replace my mama who raised me despite her blood relation. And if I ever found out my dad wasnt my bio dad he would never become "step dad". It was just... A very insensitive take on so many levels I feel.
As someone who's adopted and who has had multiple adopted friends, I can tell you that I've never met someone who doesn't consider the parents that raised them to be their real parents. Biology is interesting, sure, but not bonding. The key is to be open with it (don't, like, drop the bombshell "you're adopted" when the kid is 16. Let them know from the beginning for a much healthier dialogue). Adoptive parents are real parents. Full stop. I know this might not help much because fears aren't so easily dissuaded
The thing about that first one: they clearly want their dad to be at the wedding, and if their siblings are going to be that petty (assuming they are) then I'd say OP isn't the asshole. They were right with saying "if biology is important, we're not full siblings, we're half siblings" considering they are unwilling to call the man that had always raised them dad anymore because he's not blood related....i agree fully with the OP in that first one.
I was thinking the same. How is calling them half-siblings "throwing it in their faces" if calling him stepfather isn't equally throwing it in his face? (And as for what Shaaba said about making it less confusing for the kids, surely it's more confusing for them to force them to change the name they're used to using for their grandfather? And assuming the kids have both maternal and paternal grandparents, they already had two grandfathers anyway, so why would three be more confusing than two?)
@@ViveMeorLeti Exactly! That was weird, and like, low-key, a little homophobic. If a kid has lesbian moms, they're both mom. Not one of them mom and one "step mom" or "bio mom" they're both just mom.
@@ViveMeorLeti funny thing to me about grand parent names also is that, in my experience, those names happen organically. Often from first grandchildren trying to say a grand parent name, garbling it, and having it stick. Like Gagaw instead of Grandma. All of my grand parents had unique names that came about like that and none were as vanilla as "Grand dad/pa/father".
@@astridposey a few months ago I was walking through a market and saw two moms with their daughter. the daughter got their attention by saying "hey moms..." and I thought it was the most adorable thing. it was so casual and natural with them too.
Yeah, we have so many words to delineate between similar relatives: grandpa, grandaddy, grandfather, papaw, poppy, papa... it's an endless list really. So pulling this "step" thing and forcing the grandkids to rename the guardian dad is just completely uncalled for and incredibly rude.
You can 100% not invite siblings or any other family to your own wedding. Your wedding, your choice. Calling the OP an asshole sounds like someone who is privileged to have a nice family life.
OP is an asshole though. She said herself that she didn’t want her siblings to know their bio dad, which is incredibly selfish. While they should’ve been much nicer to their dad (who raised them), they’re allowed to want their bio dad to be their dad. We don’t know that he wasn’t in their lives by choice. Maybe he didn’t know they existed either. Everyone is kind of an asshole in their situation (except the dads), but the mum is clearly the worst one here.
@@vampyrekyng_lex I must have misheard because I thought OP said that they didn’t want to know the bio dad. I didn’t think I heard them say they didn’t want the other two to know their bio dad.
@@vampyrekyng_lex let's not forget tho that we have no idea what kind of pressure the mom might have been under, not having access to birth control and/or abortion, etc. We don't know about the brothers and why she was sleeping with both of them but we don't have enough information to judge under what circumstances the mother decided to withhold that information.
Yeah. Also it felt like the step-siblings were quick to replace their father figure simply because of biology. Remember- BLOOD DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL FAMILY.
I remember when my cousin met her bio dad in her late teens, my gran asked her, "how do you feel about meeting your real dad?" and she said back, "[insert name of dad who raised her] is my real dad." I think Shaaba's right to say the OP's siblings can have a relationship with their bio dad, I do however find it very strange that they'd insist on now calling him 'step-dad'....that's weird to me. NGL I was uncomfortable watching this. Usually I watch your videos to relax before bed, but I gotta say, I'm the opposite rn
OP is not an asshole. Shaaba says, around 8 minutes, "You can't make someone do something they don't want to do," then in the same breath insists that OP MUST invite their siblings even though they don't want to. Shaaba, maybe watch this one more time and see what you're trying to do? You're trying to force someone to do something they don't want to, and you're saying their an asshole if they don't do it... :( OP and their (half)-siblings were all raised by one man. Then two of them, adults, decided he's not their real dad because of genetics alone and insist on calling him step-dad because of genetics alone. OP says ok, in that case, if you want to base everything on genetics alone, then we are half-siblings. *Absolutely true.* They can't insist on calling their dad "step-dad" because of genetics and then IGNORE genetics and insist on calling their half-sibling a whole sibling. Either they think genetics trumps everything, or they don't. If they only insist on genetics being important when it comes to their dad, and not their sibling, then it's absolutely an attack on the man who raised them, and the OP is absolutely justified in being upset.
Shaaba clearly cares more about the feelings of OP's siblings in the first case than she does about the feelings of the man that raised them. She's super defensive about how they feel and everything, and is completely disregarding the hurt they're leveling on their "stepdad." Sure, the way they feel is valid and they have every right to do it, but if you don't care at all about how much you're hurting someone else in the effort to address those feelings, you're an asshole. It's that simple. And OP's siblings are assholes. What's worse, Shaaba is defending their right to behave exactly how OP is behaving in response, but is calling OP an asshole for her behavior, when what *she* is doing is far less damaging than the crap they're pulling.
I think Shaaba misunderstood a lot of the story, because she seems to think the main issue for OP was the siblings wanting their bio-dad in their lives, rather than the treatment of the dad. Maybe she took the treatment of the dad with a (very big) grain of salt because of the "Your side, their side, the truth" mentality, but in doing that it feels like she missed the context of a lot of the story. At least that's what I felt when watching it.
Besides: if the siblings wanted to make it clear biology was sooo important to be considered family, then they should have no issue when OP called them half-siblings. Hypocrisy at its finest.
What seems to have been overlooked is that the mother was having multiple ongoing affairs while married to "step" dad; this is the only explanation that fits different ages of the adult children. Which means, the "bio" dads must have known, on some level, that they were sleeping with a married woman, that she was having sex with BROTHERS, and that she kept getting pregnant. I believe this might be part of why OP was fiercely defending Dad; he was ignorant of his wife's shenanigans but now he is being punished by 2 of his 3 children for the simple fact that his sperm did not impregnate their mother. Hell yeah, I'd fight tooth and nail for my father - the man who loved me all my life, changed my diapers, comforted me through sickness and sadness, was there when I graduated, and is looking forward to walking me down the aisle! OP's siblings are assholes for throwing out Dad in order to embrace bio dad, who may or may not be a good person
And what are the chances that at least the brother who maintained a multi-year affair, creating two children with the mother, didn't know she was married to someone else? Someone who willingly participates in an affair is not, generally by default, getting points in the "good person" column.
@@khills Exactly. And if those 2 are so determined to put stepdad in his "place" they better not think that it may be easy to run crying back to him if their bio dad is a stinker - they are hurting him deeply and it will take alot to heal the wounds in this entire family
👆👆👆👆👆 _THIS_ 👆👆👆👆👆 Say it again, louder for the people in the back! 2 of those kids are favoring the men who _his wife cheated on him with._ That's … they're _directly betraying_ the man who raised them. That's beyond sh1tty. And like you said, Kimberly, that's not something you want to remind _the father of the bride_ of on his daughter's wedding day.
With the first one, my biological Grandpa cheated on my Granny and after they divorced they both remarried. It was never confusing to me as a kid, I knew my other Pa wasn’t biologically related to me, but I was closer to him than most of my biological family. So making the kids call him step-grandpa made me genuinely mad! You don’t have to be blood related to someone to be family! And so yeah I probably would have uninvited them too for just being cruel about it. And besides as a trans person if I ever get married and have a kid I would be heartbroken if my kid sidelined me for a bio parent who didn’t raise them, so yeah they’re not the a**hole
yeah, it's so weird trying to police what your kids call their grandparents? in my family we called my grandpa "bop" because when my cousin was little, she couldn't say "papa" (what I had previously called him). the adults never put up a fight about it because it's a term FOR THE KIDS TO USE. so strange
8:31 I disagree. You can disinvite anyone from your wedding for whatever purpose. They might not like you for it, it might be an AH thing to do, but what with the whole Procedure™ weddings often are, I think it's justified to disinvite siblings if you've had a falling out with them.
My wedding is going to be my chosen family, none of them are my blood but I've known them all long enough that it doesn't matter. My mom gets kinda annoyed because she's all "but it's your family" and I'm like so? Zero of them have made effort, some of broken my trust, and it's my day 🤷🏻♀️
This. A wedding is something that you do for yourself and your partner - if you want to invite someone, do it, if you want to disinvite them, do it. A wedding isn’t for the family, it’s for the couple getting married.
@The Werewolf Of Tasmania How is that petty? It is THEIR special day and if they don't want people who upset them to be there then that's THEIR choice.
@The Werewolf Of Tasmania Oh, so should OP feel uncomfy with their siblings who have disrespected their dad just so they aren't 'holding a grudge' anymore? Really? Once again, it's their special day and personally I wouldn't want toxic people there. Your comment reeks of privilege.
@The Werewolf Of Tasmania Maybe it's petty but from OPs post there seems to be tons of pettines already involved in the relationship and it's their wedding so if they don't want to deal with that complicated relationship and the balancing act of keeping everyone that cant stand each other far away from the other parties on a day they want to celebrate with their partner they're totally allowed to disinvite them.
Wow, I had to pause the video to write this...I'm adopted and this will totally color my perspective. Though my adoptive family wasn't perfect (what family is) they will forever and always be MY mom and dad. They raised me took care of me, loved me, helped me through difficult times and were awesome teachers of life. I have met my birth mother and I really have no interest in having her as a permanent fixture in my life just because she is my biological mom. For this family to do what they did to the man who raised them, loved them and took care of them to be push aside is so wrong. If they want a biological parent in their life cool, have that relationship but what they did to the man who raised them...it's hurtful.
came down to, as someone with FOUR HALF SIBLINGS who are the lights of my life, tell you that you're wrong, Shaba, and i'm delighted to see that everyone else has done my job for me, likely because i'm six months late to the punch. you don't demote the man who lovingly raised you-who, from OP's description, was at the least a GOOD dad-to 'stepdad' and promote a STRANGER who happens to be biologically related to you, to the title of 'dad'. it WAS intentionally hurtful for them to make this man's grandchildren call him STEP-grandad. it WAS intentionally hurtful for them to erase their relationship to a man who treated them like blood and was determined to continue to treat them like blood. blood is meaningless. my mother-through whom i am related to 3 of my siblings-means nothing to me. in my eyes, she is nothing. but my sisters and brother who she gave birth to? those are my siblings. i love them dearly. all four of us have cut her out of our lives. on the other side, i have one brother through my dad-his mother, also, is nothing to me. (but everything to him! and i support him in that.) you can't pick who you're biologically related to, but you CAN choose to keep in your life the people who actually took care of you. you can CHOOSE not to be an asshole-and OP isn't an asshole. her siblings are. not inviting them is probably the best idea, actually, because if they've made a mess of their lives this much to say 'oh, my bio dad is my real dad, the old dad is just a stepdad', they're definitely going to make a mess of the wedding by calling him their stepdad in their speeches or whatever. not inviting them was the right move, frankly!
The thing is they didn't disinvite the siblings because they wanted their bio-dad in their lives, the siblings were disinvited for being complete assholes to the man who raised, cared for them, and loved them unconditionally their entire lives and still would have done so even after learning what his wife did. The poster never said the siblings didn't have the right to know or care about their bio-dad, they said it was unfair and wrong of them to betray the family they'd always known over nothing but biology.
And just to make things worse: they're favoring the man _who was fscking another man's wife_ over the man _who was being cheated on._ And that's before factoring in that the betrayed man is the one who raised them and who was their de-factor father … until they threw him away. So those 2 siblings are intentionally betraying the man that raised them, in a way that's just beyond sh1tty.
As someone raised without a dad I can not fathom how you could ever call a stranger, who has been absent all your life, your "real dad". OP is not the asshole, the "half siblings" are the assholes for treating their dad like he's not their real dad, he raised them like they were his own and now they throw all of that in the trash, that's fucked up.
Counterpoint to Shaaba's argument with the first one: if the basis of her argument is you can't force people to feel and behave in a way that doesn't feel right to them, and familial ties are subject to similar flexibility based on emotional need - then if op cannot help but feel too angry/betrayed for themself and dad, and would not be able to enjoy their own wedding with siblings present, why are the siblings entitled to beinvited to the wedding
Yeah, OP is entitled to a happy wedding day and if having the siblings there will prevent that due to their actions then they are NTA for disinviting them.
The argument "if the siblings want to do that, they have the right to do so" as an explanation for why OP is the asshole is really paradoxical. Just like the siblings have the right to treat their relationship with their bio dad however they want, OP has the right to treat their relationship however they want as well. I can understand the pain of suddenly hearing that only the biological family is the "real" family because the dad raised them their whole lives and also because it implies that the relationship between OP and their siblings also only goes as far as they're related (being half-sibs and cousins). Who's to say how they would've reacted if OP wasn't related to them like that? And why are only the siblings in the right to distance themselves from their father but not OP with them? If this is an issue that continuously hurts OP and their father then not wanting the siblings to be at their wedding should be treated as a valid emotional response as well. And OP is not disinviting them because they want to have ties with their biological dad, they want to disinvite them because they treat the dad who has raised them their whole lives worse for something he had no control over and which already hurt him deeply.
@@ferninthehouse Me too. I also like her but I found this upsetting and it shifted my perception of her a bit. I don't understand how she came to that conclusion. It's like she somehow missed the point of that post completely
@@coolkumquats yeah she did come off really insensitive. It definitely upset me but I wouldn’t say it changed my overall perception, I just think she really needs to come back and rethink her response on that because she was totally wrong about OP being the asshole.
@@coolkumquats and I agree with her that it’s only one person’s perspective, but we have to base our response on the information we have, not our assumptions about what actually happened.
@@coolkumquats this was my first time seeing her and it genuinely made me uncomfortable... Ive seen a lot of people say shes pretty chill and that this was just a bad take but jeez... I cant get through the first half of the video to even make it to the second story bc of how uncomfortable she made me feel... The whole biological relations is more important things was... Unsettling to say the least?
To raise a child as your own their whole life and then find out they aren’t actually yours must be horrible. On top of that, after you have dedicated so much time, energy and love to them for the kids to then push you out for someone who is effectively a stranger must be so so painful. I think it’s good that OP was able to recognise how it felt for their dad and it’s their wedding so they can invite whoever they feel like. Completely understandable to not want people who you know won’t treat your dad with respect at your wedding. In my opinion genetics don’t make someone a parent, love and care does. Although my dad walked out when I was 3 so I could be biased.
What Shaaba Said About The First Story Is SO Wrong And Uncomfortable. All I Can Say Is, "Ew." I'm A Trans Man Who Doesn't Plan To Be A Father, But If I Do Decide To Have Kids, I'd Be Incredibly Hurt, Shocked, And Betrayed If Someday They Decided I'm Not Their Dad Just Because I Didn't Make Them. The Fact That She Thinks Biology Matters While Being With A Trans Man Is Just.. Odd, Y'know?
The first op doesn't really sound that much like an asshole to me. One can invite and disinvite anyone from one's own wedding as one pleases. It's their decision to cut off their former siblings then that's a valid choice too. It's a way of coping, not the best way but a way.
Upon thinking about it a few more minutes, I think that everybody is a little bit of an asshole here, except the 'DAD' (from the information given by op at least). At the same time, except for the mother, everyone is acting somewhat understandable in a way. Ideal solution: family and individual therapy for everyone involved.
@@be_me I have to disagree. Think about it: this man finds out that (A) his wife was cheating on him _for years,_ so his marriage was basically a _lie;_ (B) not only that, but his wife was cheating on him so much that she got pregnant _three times;_ (C) the children that he thought were "his" are not biologically-related to him, something that's going to hurt separately from and on top of everything else; and (D) 2 of those kids that he thought were his _are favoring the men that his wife cheated on him with._ That's beyond sh1tty, that's a flat-out, intentional betrayal. If I were the OP's future parents-in-law, *_I_*_ would forbid_ those two siblings from the wedding on the grounds that _*NO* father of the bride should be insulted and injured like that on his daughter's wedding day._ @びみ No,
@@be_me I wouldn't say telling the man who raised you, cared for you long enough to see you have your own kids and do the same for them, that he needs to "stay in his lane", which is essentially saying that he's "less" of a parent, *in favour of the guy who ruined your parent's marriage* is an understandable point of view tbh. The whole "it's okay to go back on that" thing was just completely disgusting as well. And a major red flag for them as people for that matter.
@@Lotan_ it's been a couple of days so maybe I don't remember everything that was said but we don't know if the "new dads" ruined anything. They could have been just as much not in the know as everyone else. Maybe they didn't know the mother was already married and had kids. We can't know for sure. It's just such a complicated situation... I probably couldn't write all of my thoughts in one comment. I'm sure a psyc student could write whole term paper on just the family constellation of this family alone.
For the menstrual story, instead of saying "either cut down or I won't buy any" I think the better solution would be "I can afford to buy you 1 or 2 boxes a month, any more, you need to provide for yourself". That way it's not black or white and you are doing the best you can while still providing
@@furbybuddy assumed they are living in America, and you are too, how many tampons are normally in a box? Because in Germany they are normally around 20, and I was really shocked, how she could use 40-60 big tampons in a week!! But I guess the packages are smaller, because they always put those stupid applicators with it, right?
@@schokoloko2092 Our normal boxes in the US contain between 20 and 40 depending on the size you get. So its about the same as yours! And yeah thats a huge amount of tampons.
@@jazparks4401 okay that's really insanely much! That would be 5 days in a row, 12 tampons every day!!! She should absolutely seek a doctor, if the tampon is really full of blood every time! But maybe she thinks she has to remove the tampon for peeing. There aren't that little people, who think that. Because sex ed sucks...
I’m really surprised that with the amount of menstrual products the sister was going through there wasn’t more concern on the family’s part about why she was using that much… regardless of the price etc, why wasn’t anyone concerned about the possible medical/MH issues (I.e. anaemia, germophobia, OCD)?
Story 1 is definitely NTA. The siblings have gone out of their way to add insult to injury for the Dad that raised them and this hurts OP as well. OP wants a happy wedding day, which probably means that if the siblings show up that OP and Dad will both be bummed and it would make the day be about the family drama instead of being about OPs love for their partner. I think Shaba was reading a lot into the situation that wasn't written - in these AITA stories it's true we only get one side of the story, but we can't assume the other side. You have to make the judgment based off the information given. In this situation the siblings are not taking anyone's feelings into consideration but their own, and the consequence of that is that OP needs to put boundaries up in order to not get hurt and have a bad wedding day. The siblings have no entitlement to attend the wedding, and saying that OP can't disinvite them as a response to their actions ignores that OP is entitled to a happy wedding day.
I agree with Jamie on the first one, and I'll raise you this: if this account of events is accurate, then the siblings deserve to be disinvited from the wedding. Because if they're capable of being so callous and cruel to the father that actually raised them, with the double standard that their biological half-sibling is their sibling no matter what, these aren't the kind of people I'd want in my wedding or my life either. If they or the sister-in-law think that's a bridge too far, well, tough luck. It was a bridge too far when they "demoted" their own father, told him to "stay in his lane", and pressured OP to pursue their own biological father when they apparently had no interest in that. That kind of cruelty has consequences, and being disinvited from the wedding is a slap on the wrist at best compared to how much this constant distancing from their dad must be hurting him.
Plus they’re punishing the man who raised them for not being their biological father, but not distancing themself from the mom that created this clusterfuck situation in the first place. And also tearing the roll of grandfather away from him and hanging that label on some guy they just met just because he was fucking their mom on the DL 20yrs ago - I don’t know how anyone rationalizes that shit as anything other than heartless, hypocritical and cruel. 🤯
Also, if sister-in-law says that throwing the prefix "half-" in the siblings' faces is hurtful, what about "step-" to the dad they've known their whole lives? This is very much a situation of "I can do it but not you"
Right? I'm seething right now. I myself have a half-brother, and he's my sibling no matter what. That being said, if my dad (we share the same dad) were to tell me he wasn't my bio dad, he will still be my dad and my brother will still be my brother, despite not having the same blood.
Got to go with Jamie on the first one. If they find being called a "half" sibling offensive even though it's technically true, they should be more than capable of also understanding how their dad feels being called "step dad" and "step grandpa." They either have to be okay with both or be upset by both. They don't get to decide that the dad who raised them shouldn't care about the linguistics, especially when they clearly do. I have a half sister, but I only ever refer to her as my sister. I grew up with her, but when the topic comes up (we look very different,) we'll specify for clarity. If she wants to explain to her daughters that I am genetically related to them as a half-Aunt, absolutely fine. But if she made my nieces call me Half-Auntie, we'd be throwing hands.
Ok, I can see most of us are agreeing about the first story, so I'll just add. The thing I have to disagree with Shaaba, is that she's posing her whole "YTA" verdict on who to invite or who to disinvite to the wedding, when anyone should be allowed to disinvite anyone from their wedding for any reason. It's just a dumb party and the siblings would've made it go sour OP is on her right to not want them there if she knows they'll just be correcting everyone about "no, that's not the real bride's Father" all over. Even if it's asshole-ish in her mind to disinvite them over "wanting to make a distinction over grandads", she's giving them too much credit that that's a forgivable thing when there's a whole lot of issues that we're all discussing, not just that.
It's always ok to decide whether or not you want someone at your wedding. It's *your* wedding. You shouldn't have people there who could potentially ruin what should be a happy occasion.
My Wedding, my choice. If these "siblings" ruin the day for her, so be it. Perhaps she just didn't want drama on that day. It is not very friendly to disenvite the siblings and might be a problem in the future, but I can understand it. If I imagine my dad not coming to my wedding because he cannot stand to be around my siblings, there would be no question.
The tampon one… “no matter how strong her flow is” I think instead of throwing them in the bin, sister needs to save them all in a ziploc baggie so her brother can see how much she is FILLING them. I was thrilled to have a hysterectomy at age 51 after 40 years of horrible periods, many of which were so heavy I just sat and bled directly into the toilet because I couldn’t keep up!!!! If you don’t have that experience you can’t know!
Re dads: OP is literally showing their siblings how hypocritical they are with "family" and "half" shit Being uninvited from a wedding is nothing compared to being cut out like their dad was
Totally, the wedding is one day after all. A very important day, yes, but it's a social event. OP has the right to choose who they DON'T want to spend that very special day with. Especially if those people are actively hurting their loved ones and would make them not enjoy the day.
Oh, no, Shaaba, that first one isn't complicated at all - you're very wrong on this and they're definitely NTA. Firstly, you never have to invite anyone to your wedding you don't want to, and anyone who would tell your Dad, the one who raised you and loved you and supported you in all the ways to "know his place" and "stay in his lane" and call him a "step-dad" despite the fact that he was married to the cheating mother before, during, and after they existed, don't deserve to be at your wedding.
It is complicated in one sense: We don't *know*, whether there was bad blood between the siblings and the dad in a way that OP had not experienced. My dad was emotionally abusive with me pretty much my entire life, but very rarely did or said something to hurt my brother. If it came to light that he wasn't my bio dad, hell, he wouldn't even be step-dad. He'd be coworker, whom I call Mister [last name] from that point onward.
I think OP is 100% justified for disinviting her siblings from the wedding. The problem isn't that they wanted to get to know their bio father, the problem is that instead of integrating the bio father into their existing family dynamic, they replaced and "demoted" the father who raised them as his own their whole lives, going as far as to change what they called him. The way they treated him was unempathetic at best and downright cruel at worst, and I wouldn't want someone who hurt my dad like that at my wedding either. Also the SIL then calling OP an asshole for pointing out that by their own logic they're not "real" siblings is peak hypocrisy.
I think for the first time since I've started watching this channel I felt immense need to close the video so disgusted I was. I don't agree on the first one at all, if I suddenly learned my father isn't my bio father, nothing would matter. And I would absolutely cut off any family member who dismisses him as not "a real dad" afterwards...
Honestly yeah, this is the first time I've ever been disgusted by a video on this channel. And it just kept getting more upsetting the longer Shaaba refused to let Jamie talk and kept going on about the OP being the asshole.
as someone who as a kid had 2 grandmas on my mother's side (divorce) and 2 grandmas on my father's side (lesbians), i never was confused about our relationship so i think "step-grandpa" wouldn't be necessary to help kids understand the relationship, they could just call both of them grandpa
Wait I have a very similar thing, on my moms side her mom died and my grandpa remarried, and on my dads side his parents got divorced and his dad got remarried, and his mom is a lesbian and is married to a woman lol. So technically I have 5 grandmas, though one isnt alive and another I’ve never met
My kids have step-grandparents and they are never referred to as such. The technical relationships can be explained but what matters most are the loving relationships, the kids know who cares about them.
Exactly, I have a mom and a stepmom. That's how I refer to them, since my stepmom never really raised me (I was a teen by then). But, for my kids they will both be grandma.
How is Shaaba not understanding that OP is not inviting thier siblings because they've been very hurtful to thier father and so, Op doesn't want them at her wedding. Which, by the way, Op can disinvite whoever they want. It's THIER wedding!
Bad take from Shabba here, OP not the A-Hole, she’s entirely missing the point. It’s not that OP doesn’t want siblings to have relation with Bio dad, it’s that OP sees them throwing the man who raised them away for a person they just discovered who banged their mom. And OP is not cool with that. And OP doesn’t want her siblings being a jerk to dad at her wedding. Totally not the A-Hole
Couldn't disagree more. A person should have total control over their wedding. It's is their day with their partner and people who disrespect and belittle their father (who they love) for no reason (like abuse or harm) don't belong there. The mother is the one who messed up and if they want to punish the father that's their choice but that choice has the consequence of losing their sibling
It also doesn’t help that in the states we have a special “Pink Tax” on feminine products which makes things expensive. And now we a tampon shortage happening. Bless my dad for helping me buy a few boxes that will last me into autumn. I really did not know how i was going to survive with the amount of money that i have. Im definitely gonna cook him something nice for Father’s Day as a thank you for helping me deal with my monthlies during the tampon shortage. 🥺💜
I was going to comment about the Pink Tax! I think the best deal I've ever seen on tampons where I am is 7 or 8 USD for a box of 20, and those are the horrible store brand that leak easily. A quality box of tampons (in my general location) is usually 10-15 USD, and if the sister is using three boxes every single month, that's a LOT of money. I can see both the brother's and sister's side to this, so I'd say either nobody's the AH or everyone's the AH.
Where I live (Germany) we just ''recently'' (like 2020 ) had the tax for most products changed from the ''normal'' tax (19 percent) to the tax for daily needed things (7 percent) but the brands partly then just raised their prizes ... Meanwhile the real daily products - panty liners ... still are taxed with 19 percent (But at least it is still pretty affordable. A box with ecological tampons from the Brand OB with 16 tampons for a high flow is about three euros - normal ones with normal cotton are like 4 euros for 64 pioeces )
Hello! If it is possible (obviously I don’t know your situation and anatomy) but I strongly recommend a period cup. They last up to 10 years and hold quite a bit of fluid.
As for the menstrual products. I've had PCOS since I hit puberty. My periods are irregular and extremely heavy. I wear both pads and super tampons that I have to change every hour for around 7 days And then I bleed normally for about another 7 days. If I was told to cut back? Sure... I'll just walk around and bleed all over the furniture and then maybe you'll believe me... Every doctor just brushed off my symptoms untill I finally saw a specialist when trying to get to the root of my infertility at 36. Brother just doesn't understand female biology and not all women have the same periods. I hope his sister can get a diagnosis. Getting mine helped vindicate me and I can explain with proof if I need to to people who may not understand.
Yep. I had horrible heavy periods where I’d go through a tampon an hour and had to have two pads on. This only stopped when at the age of 47 I got a mirena inserted. If only it had been around 30 years ago.
before birth control i needed to go through pads every 2-3 hours (tampons every 1-2 but i don't use them) and i ended up having a blood condition that caused extremely heavy periods (including severe cramps that i would pass out from). my mom has the same condition so she was fortunately more than willing to listen to me. i feel horrible for the girl in the second story who probably has a health condition (and even if it's "just" hygiene, that's a possible sign of a mental health problem if it bothers her that much). i hope she has gotten or can get help from actual professionals who know how to take their patients seriously
I think for the second story it should really be considered that yes, menstrual products aren't "a lot" but for some people who have very little breathing space in their monthly expenses, it can be that thing which tips them over the edge. There are women even in Europe who use toilet paper or other unhygienic and non-functional things because they cannot afford it*¹. I've had friends who had to decide to either cut down on (already tiny) food expenses or on period products, or who had to borrow from others when they couldn't afford to buy more after theirs ran out. [*¹ If you're interested, research "Period Poverty" because it's an actual thing. It applies especially to 14-21 year olds, aka students with no or low-income jobs which is the category this girl fits into perfectly.] But yes he is still absolutely in the wrong for all the reasons you named. Period products are essential and NOT a luxury. ever. period. (excuse the pun) But while I agree the parents should be more supportive, for me the REAL a**hole here is the society that makes us PAY for period products,, women cannot "opt out" of periods. And remember here that women who are ALREADY financially disadvantaged in this world... and all that while periods are already a literal and metaphorical pain. seriously why is it a thing that period products cost money??? it's just unfair, and i'm not joking 😭 this is too long a commentary for anyone to ever read but it's an issue i care about so here ye go dhnsnsns
the first op was entirely in the right. be disrespectful to my dad? then dont attend the day he walks me down the aisle. they value biology so much its sickening
For the first one: I'd say my perspective is unique on this because while I haven't gone through this situation, I've been through something relatively similar. Until the age of six, I thought my step father was my biological father. My mom only told me the truth because that step father cheated on her and they were divorcing, and she thought I'd feel better about it if I knew they had been lying to me the whole time. I didn't meet my biological father until I was 8. Upon meeting him, I didn't just suddenly decide to call him "dad." I decided that was a term to be earned, and ten years later, he still hasn't earned it. I have a different step father now, and he ALSO hasn't earned being called my dad. However: from all of my moms marriages and all of my biological father's relationships, I have A LOT of siblings. Five brothers and a sister, and only one of those is fully related to me because everyone else is a half sibling or a step sibling. And I used to specifically make the distinction between them when I'd talk about them. I'd specifically tell people "this is my half sister" or "this is my only full blooded sibling." HOWEVER. My oldest brother heard that once and explained to me that it hurt his feelings to be reduced to seemingly less than simply because we didn't have the same mom. As soon as I found out it hurt his feelings, I stopped making that distinction when it was unnecessary. I now say "this is my oldest brother" instead. Why? Because my brother was uncomfortable with me making that distinction when it's unnecessary. I think the siblings should have little issue with calling both the biological father AND the step father just simply "dad." Or if you need to know which one, call one "dad" and one "pa" or something. But if the man who raised them from birth says "hey, it hurts my feelings when you call me step dad," and they still insist? I take issue with that. And I take issue with them insisting that he's a step father because he's not blood related, but then being pissed off when OP calls them half siblings. You can either care about blood, or don't care at all. You don't get to pick and choose like that. Also, the question was "Am I the asshole for disinviting my siblings from the wedding" and regardless of why, it's OP's wedding and they can invite or disinvite whoever they want. I have a lot of family members who won't be invited to my wedding because they'll cause a scene or make it about them, and I'm allowed to do that because it's my wedding and I know who I don't want there. Anyways, that's my opinion based on my own experiences with a family that is also relatively complicated. Edit: Also want to point out that I have a "step grandpa" and he only recently met and married my grandma, meaning I didn't know him until I was like 14, but I still call him my grandpa because who else would he be? Making a point of insisting that their kids call him step grandpa is so weird, and clearly a way to say "you're not a part of our family." Most people have multiple grandparents, it's not hard to call one "Grandpa Kevin" and one "Grandpa Bill" or something along those lines. I only know one grandpa and one grandma, so obviously it's easier for me, but a lot of people have multiple, so there's no reason to make your kids say that UNLESS you're specifically trying to exclude him. Without that part, I'd be more neutral, but that shows they're doing it on purpose to exclude him, which definitely makes me take OP's side more.
I have 3 half siblings and a twin. I always call my siblings my siblings unless I want to be quirky and say I have 2.5 siblings and explain my unique family. My half siblings are drastically older than my twin and me, youngest by 12, oldest by 17 and we've hardly had much interaction with them before they moved out but I still consider them my "full" siblings. I only bring up them being half siblings if someone assumes we have the same parents. And so true about the grandparents thing! I usually tell the difference between mine with "paternal" or "maternal" grandparent and my one granddad was called "granddaddy" so that made the distraction between them.
@@bunnykatzen Damn, I can relate to the big age gaps between siblings. Our ages range between 30 to a few months old (my mom just had another kid oof) with me around the middle at 18. The closest ones in age to me are both four years away, one four years younger and one four years older. Honestly, I also only made the distinction so I could talk about how complicated my family tree is lmao.
Agreed. I've had a total of three grandpas and four grandmas in my time, for various reasons. All of them get the "Grandma ____" and "Grandpa ____" treatment regardless. When directly addressing them, I often drop names. If two grandmas are in the room, the name comes back, etc. Also have an aunt who is not bio related to me or anyone else in my family, but I will fight anyone who says she isn't my aunt. :P Frankly, she's been a better aunt to me than a lot of my bio aunts.
I didn't think anyone called people step grandparents. My grandpa was only with my grandma for maybe 7 years when I was like a teen or something, they stopped living together at some point and I didn't see him much and then a few years later he died and my family didn't even go to his funeral, but I've always just called him my grandpa because that's just what he was to me And yeah I had 2 other grandpas too and it wasn't confusing at all, I knew them less tho, because one of them was my dad's abusive dad and my mon's dad was kind of sick and lived far away so I didn't see him much. So my "step grandpa" was actually the most "grandpa" person in my life
I think Shaaba just misunderstood the first story, if you two do this again (which I really hope so because this is quite interesting!!) You both should have the story in front of you so it can be reread twice. Stuff like this happens when you roll in one take, so it's not a big deal :)
Thanks for this, I felt really uncomfortable with all the ppl disagreeing AND saying that shaaba's opinion of one reddit post will get in the way of their relationship. Just all the hate made me sad. Have a good day/night :)
yeah, in her vids shaaba usually rereads parts of the posts so that probably had something to do with it. really weird of people to judge a relationship based off of one video, but hey, that's exactly what people do on r/AITA so it's weirdly fitting ig
This! I get what ppl are saying but honestly i think the comments are being far too judgemental towards Shaaba, and that some of them are definitely projecting. I actually do think OP was being a bit or an asshole, but within reason. I think that deserved either a YTA, like jamie said, or ESH
I feel like Jamie would make a good Therapist because he just seems so easy to talk to and he would dig around your brain to try and help or find the root of your problem. Jamie would be a great friend too.
I totally agree with Jamie on the first one. The siblings are being rude to their “half sibling“. This is a difficult situation and they should be trying to support their sibling at what should be one of the happiest times of their lives. Not only are they being extremely rude to their sibling, they’re also being terrible to the man that raised them. I mean when it’s your wedding you have the right to invite anyone that you want to. If someone was being crappy to me I would tell them sorry you can’t come. You’re not gonna rain on my parade
For the second scenario, I gotta wonder if she's okay. My girlfriend had to change her pad every half hour when she had periods, because they were extreme and it was like, unhealthy and extra painful. She's on birth control now because the period was just that bad. So I hope op's sister is okay and that it's not a medical issue.
it's definitely not normal and needs to seen an OBGYN if she's changing the tampons because she has to. if it's an OCD thing she should be seeing a therapist instead
@@ajc94 Menorrhagia is a thing and often overlooked by doctors. I was told I was exaggerating or even lying when I said I used overnight mega pads and wore more than one at a time and had to change them every time I would stand up. Well, after I hit the ER with blood loss lightheadedness, I was finally taken seriously and put on medication.
I know everyone's said this already, but Shaaba's reaction to the first story is so hurtful - it's very clear she misunderstood the exact situation and I hope her opinion would change if she re-read and re-evaluated it. OP's siblings sound toxic as all hell, I wouldn't want them in any of my own special events either.
For the first one, I feel like it’s more than just the siblings wanting the bio dad in their lives. It’s that they are demoting the man that raised them and treating him like he’s trash. I defs think OP is not the asshole.
Oh that first story hit so close to home. I'm the youngest of 8 and only have one "full sibling" I only got to grow up with 4 of my siblings, and met the other two later in life. To me they're all my family and half or not doesn't matter. I had the whole half sibling thing thrown in my face my entire life. (Also our dad's were brothers too so similar in the half sibling half cousin set up) Multiple of my sisters would belittle me constantly for being a half sibling so when I was in my early teens I decided instead of basing my relationship with them off of the principle of family, I'd try to base my relationships more as if they were just people. By doing so I cut out three of my extremely toxic siblings, and consider the other ones to be close friends. I was even given flak by my dad (who I have a bad relationship with) for not inviting one of my sisters to my wedding. Family drama is always so stressful and upsetting for everyone involved imo. Definitely think the first op isn't the asshole
Absolutely disgusted by Shaaba's opinion on #1, I could not even finish the video. Hopefully you two have had more productive and empathetic talks about this privately. Sadly, I cannot see myself viewing her channel like I had been considering for a while. That said, thank you Jamie for being thoughtful and trying to be kind in your response. I came from your second A.I.T.A. video and I will just say that it was a far more comfortable experience. Take care.
