O, Death! 

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Horses has quickly become one of the best YT channels of 2023. The consistency in quality this guy puts out is remarkable.

As a caregiver in hospice I can say that the majority of the deaths I have witnessed were pain and anxiety free

No music, just white noise in the background, and still a masterpiece of storytelling. Thanks for proving that it's not all about flashiness. Grandiose!

"i will not delude myself with notions of legacy; all people die, some just take longer to do so" is (ironically) going to stick with me for a long time. absolutely gorgeous piece, thank you for this

O'Death. Become my blade, once more.

I’m convinced this guy is physically unable to upload a bad video. You’re a legend man

I'm a firefighter/paramedic. I also moonlight as a deputy coroner. I have done both for quite some time. The ever present thought of one's death in the face of so many others is difficult to explain. You do a beautiful job of explaining the nuances of fighting for a good and righteous life, while worrying that what you do may be meaningless. You're videos have helped me greatly. You have my thanks.

I’m 23, I’m only just starting to understand the importance of, well, everything. I spent a long time drowned in my emotions, and my actions taken to mask them. Almost died a few times. And I think because of that I sit in a weird limbo, as far as my fear of death goes. I’m not very afraid of dying, I’m afraid of death itself tho. The act of dying doesn’t scare me, especially if I’m dying for a good purpose in my mind. But whatever lies on the other side scares me, the recent entry into lucidity to reality forces me to want to stay, so as to REALLY experience life as it’s meant to be. But I’m ready should the time come, when I die, I’ll die afraid of what could’ve been, not what will be.

I read a diary entry from an American knife fighter whose name I can't recall (not James Bowie). He wrote about having an upcoming dual the following morning. His opponent committed suicide that night instead of completing the dual; ostensibly due to the fear of losing. The journal entry goes on to state how confusing of a decision this was. The worst possible outcome of the duel would have been death. To escape this possibility, the man guaranteed the worst outcome by taking his own life without even trying to live through the duel. This lesson has always stayed with me as a fairly literal parable about our own eventual death. What's the worst thing that will happen? Our own death. Why guarantee it on a shorter timeline than necessary? Is it some sort of futile attempt to take control over the uncontrollable? To hear geniuses like Tolstoy present suicide as a logical counter point to the fear and nihilism of their own unknown; about their own life, and its lack of meaning, is exactly like that dualist. It's collapsing an infinite spectrum of possibilities, many of which could be satisfying, down to one singular one, of which is the absolute worst outcome. Live with some bravery. Live with some intent. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

Never heard someone articulate how I feel about death so perfectly. It’s comforting just to know others worry about it the same way I do

Your grandmother’s words are profound. Thank you for sharing.

I used to think about death constantly, almost 24/7. I was also pretty suicidal. I don’t know why or how, but one day I said to myself “Why do I ponder something so out of my control, why would I ponder things that are in my control?”. I realised that there is nothing to do, but to enjoy every single day. I have gotten to a weird state where I don’t really understand ‘being sad’ anymore. What do I gain from it? Why not just be happy? The past is the past and the future is the future. If I can’t change the past, why bother to whine about it, if I can change the future, why whine about it?

For as much of a cesspool as RU-vid can be, there are some great essayists on here. Subscription earned.

I'm a French listener and I listen to your videos to improve my English and become a better person. I learn a lot from each video, and I thank you for that!

Your videos are probably the only ones on RU-vid that I can watch completely without having to pause or do something else in between.

Tolstoys confession is one of the most influential pieces of media I've ever read, and I've reached many of the same conclusions you have. Glad others find comfort in his work

“If we die, why do we live?” I never thought to ask the question of death in that order.

Glad to know I'm not the only one that feel hopeless while thinking about death and life after death, and how insignificant I am compared to the universe.

Please upload more videos like this, no music just pure thoughts

This hits home. I have always been obsessed with death/unaliving myself since I was only a little girl, I think I was only 13 or 14. I was scared I might actually do that, and end my life there. I had to get rid of things I could use to actually do it. The main reason being that I didn’t want people to think of me as a pathetic girl who couldn’t bear all this sufferings. So I sort of internalized it and whenever I get tired, I would wish for death of myself. I am now 23 and I had come to a conclusion, that is to live. Live and see. As much as I hate living, I will continue to live. I still don’t like life but I don’t hate it anymore, still though, I don’t wish to live long. I am still obsessed with death. But I will live with my depressive thoughts and continue to live this lonely life doing things I love, and watching arts like this video. I don’t know if I made sense but yeah this is my philosophy, my agony and I will take this with me till the end.

As someone who thought that they were the only one to think almost all the time about death and have people telling me to just forget it, I’m so grateful for this video. You’ve perfectly encapsulated what I’ve felt throughout my life. I like you have reached the conclusion that at 21 all I can do is live. Thanks for an amazing video!!!

I don't know whether you read every comment, but thank you so much for the profound video. I want to add, death is so hidden and taboo in society. Which makes it so refreshing to hear a conversation around it that is honest and vulnerable. The few times I have talked to people about it, about the terror associated with it, they knowingly nod their head, as if it is a truth and feeling they know well but don't ever hear expressed. In modern movies and media, how many main characters are 'invincible'? How many seemingly return from the dead, miraculously survive what would should have been an end to their life? It's as if we reject death completely. We live as if it isn't inevitable and lurking around every corner! I think when I am particularly cynical I believe in reality I am no more conscious than a rock, and that the only answer to death is that I was never truly alive to begin with, in the sense that we all feel. I am only a flux of atoms. But this doesn't help. In the musical Bugsy Malone there is a song with the line: "You give a little love and it all comes back to you // You know you're gonna be remembered for the things that you say and do" that's always stuck with me. And I also think back to Marcus Aurelius' conviction that men are born for the sake of each other. Ultimately I think the only way for me to die with courage is to die with a clear conscience. And doing what is good is a daily struggle, so it should keep me occupied for the rest of my existence.

Not sure why but the line "All people die, just some take longer" really hit me, as well as the rest of this video. I've been on this platform for 17 years but you're rapidly becoming one of my favourite channels I've watched, so please keep it up, I need these types of videos in my life

Your segment about your grandmother nearly moved me to tears. I had to stop myself at work. This has been like therapy for me. This and your Marcus Aurelius video really touched me in a profound way.

I had serious problems when thinking about death. The feeling of being out of breath because of the certainty that I wouldn't be able to avoid it, the stress my brain self-generated as it tried to understand the fact of its final shutdown, etc. I would normally avoid the subject in conversations, thoughts and discussions and basically, I would never let my brain analize it thoroughly and actually try to understand it. Then, while on a trip to Asia (furthest from home I've ever been, and thus, the most uncommunicated I've ever been from my own world), I realized something that, to me, is the most beautiful way of portraying and understanding death: as our goal. Let me elaborate: Picture your life as a series of hikes. Maybe you're going through hell while climbing a mountain right now, but you know you'll love the views from up there. Maybe you'll be going through a desert for the next three months and you'll desperately want to leave. Maybe you're hiking alone. Maybe you're hiking with someone you love... whatever you're going through right now. At the end of your hikes, you'll rest peacefully, but it is your responsibility to appreciate your hikes so that when you finish them, you can look back and say "Man, what an adventure". Please note that nothing is beautiful by itself. It is the action of appreciating that something what makes it beautiful (the Mona Lisa can't be beautiful to you if you close your eyes because you're not appreciating it correctly). That being said, death (to me) is something to be celebrated if the person that died had the intelligence to appreciate its own hikes. The best part of it: we can all be educated in the art of appreciating what surrounds us, so we can all celebrate our own deaths and, while we're alive, be thrilled for the next adventure that awaits us, because we know that, having appreciated our path correctly (however it turned out), we'll be happy and proud of ourselves when we finish it. I don't know if this will help someone, but it certainly helped me, so thank you Horses for working on this video and helping me formalize my thoughts into text.

Wow. This video comes at a time when a death-fear is for whatever reason returning, regularly. At each occasion, my heart sinks right down into my gut and I feel terror and hopeless despair. An urge to hug somebody overwhelms me. A sheer naked panic that I must cling onto life with all I have, and the morbid knowledge that it is futile. It reduces me to an absolute coward. And then I stop thinking about it. That has been my only solution and I am yet to figure out another. I'm leaving this comment a minute in to the video, just to see if my feelings change after watching this!

As a religious person, I want to say that I enjoyed this video and it made me realise how much religion has given meaning and purpose to a lot of people. I think the gest of religion is the idea of reward after death. It has given people a lot of stretght in the past and it still does today. great video

Man, your channel as an absolute hidden gem, so glad I found it. The consistency of quality in your videos is incredible. Also, The words of your grand mother where profound, thank you for sharing such a personal moment. Everyone struggles with these ingulfing thoughts and hearing someone relate makes us feel less alone, bringing us closer together in this clusterfuck of an existence.

20:02 Your grandmother was an incredibly wise woman, and I must thank you and her for the insight this has given me. Thank you for making this video and memorializing her last words, they've given me some peace of mind that I've been looking for, for a very long time. People like to say that life is short so that people don't waste theirs. Life is short when compared to the expanse of existence and time, but truthfully our experience of life is going to be much, much longer than our experience of dying/death will be. I surprisingly find comfort in this. The greatest monster of all time will terrorize my soul but once, even if I dread that day's arrival in the meantime. I can dread it a bit less now at least.

I read "God, Death and Guilt" last year, after having finished the mandatory theology classes for my major. I really appreciate how the writer goes on about being religious and not being religious when it comes to guilt and death. I was raised in a non-practicing Jewish household, culturally much more Buddhist agnostic. No Heaven or Hell, just... This and the cycle of energy forever. Later on I reconnected with Judaism and chose to structure my faith in a God figure. Its hard, sometimes. People think faith is about escaping the cruel reality, but when done deeply and meaningfully, it isn't an escape at all. We all struggle with mortality, God or not. A seemingly uncaring divine being, the harsh coldness of Nature... It is more like two sides of the same coin. Its hard to see the world and still believe in God. And yet. Perhaps because I was raised Buddhist and agnostic, I never believed in reward after death. And yeah, it caused me some despair. But I realised its all one time, memory and life is one thing. When it's over, it's just over for you. The memory lives on, one way or another. Everything does fade, but even the stone crumbles. Along with the two books you mentioned, another one that helped me, was "In The Heights of Despair" by Emil Cioran. Even though he is a pessimist, I find his outlook... Reassuring. Apologies for the long comment and thank you very much for this video! I hope this find you well.

I absolutely love your content! This has, without a doubt, quickly grown to be one of my favourite RU-vid channels! Please continue this greatness ❤❤❤

My only real fear (as I’m sure is the case with many). I normally would skip a video on death because it triggers anxiety. However I clicked this video without hesitation because I knew that this channel would provide an unmatched examination that would leave me better off than I was.

You should be truly proud of the actions you make on this channel. It feels that you find happiness through this. I’m happy for you.

Become my blade once more

This is truly one of my favorite things I’ve listened to. I’m not sure how something can be as universal as death and yet it feels like we’re all the only one who grapples with these worries, thoughts, and dread. Next time I wake up at 2am and my brain immediately starts ruminating about it all, I’ll feel a little less alone ❤️

I also lost my grandmother at 92, and I understand how you've expressed your feelings about yours passing away. I think it's a testament to her wise council that, "life is long"--when you are constantly making such thoughtful and inquisitive videos, reaching so many people by sharing the knowledge you condense for us in this art form. Life is long, but also so beautiful when we can see it as such. You're awesome, mr horses. Much love

My grandpa just had his third stroke at a rehabilitation facility that was supposed to help after the second. I sense the end is near. Me and my Grandpa have grown apart mostly because I have heard of the wrongs he committed before I was born. I still mourn. This video couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you.

Thank you very much for your amazing videos. I'm 21, a senior in college on the brink of true adulthood. For many it may feel like the beginning of an exciting journey but for me it feels like I'm standing at the open door of a plane flying at a height which is unknown to me, about to jump. With this I have recently done a lot of reflection, thinking, and have come across much of the same sentiments which you and Tolstoy have pondered, and your videos have been a wonderful complement to this new aspect of my life and could not have come at a better time. I look forward to further exploring various wonders of human thought and creation through your videos!

Thank you! It's always comforting to see someone acknowledging their fear of death. I'm always asking people about death, and it's crazy how easily they are usually able to dismiss and disrespect this fact. I have many thoughts about the subject of death and meaning of life, I want to pick some of them as a summary to share here: It doesn't even make sense for a human life to have a human meaning, given the process that built us and given what we materially are. If we try to force an answer, then no, the human life has no meaning. But we are meaning builders, we can't help it, so instead of looking for meaning, we should put effort on our crafting skills, and claim purpose as our artifact. The very tools by which we perceive existence and act upon it, our bodies and minds, are made in a particular way so as to exist as stories and games. We, our "selves", are stories we tell. The brain tells. The situations we participate are always games, and games within games. We are tricked into thinking there is an actual "me" or an actual "meaning" because we are already born into the games and stories. As we move away from the personal illusions of existence, we start to understand that there is no person inside ourselves. Then, living a pleasant and meaningful life is being able to build one, while not desperately trying not to suffer with the illusion of the ghost in the machine. Suffering will happen, tragedy will happen, we should fight against it, but we should also accept it as it comes. There is no other way. I, for example, see a lot of purpose in community, in love, in colors and games, but I know it's because I choose to see and enjoy it, my body chooses. The stories and games making my mind will flow towards these things, and I see my job as paving and embellishing the way. Being alive and dying are also personal things, they happen to a person, to a particular consciousness. But, since there is no person in nature, they only happen inside our local perspectives. No experiential death is happening from the outside. What is the death of a wave to the sea? My subjective belief about this is that, as impossible as it is for us humans to imagine, each human consciousness can't belong to itself. We are all the same thing, somehow atomized in particular bodies. Therefore, we never actually die. If we experience existence now, this experience is not ultimately local, it will keep happening somehow, as it already happens in parallel, between different people. I am not you, but the thing that is being me is also being you, and that thing isn't going anywhere. Ha, from a material perspective, a body is actually a whole community of synergistic beings, and the cohesive "human being" exists only in a very particular spatial scale happening in a continuum of a much larger dynamical process, without actual boundaries. All boundaries are defined within games, by us, the stories we tell ourselves. Now, coming back to fear. Still, I fear death and tragedy everyday. This is huge in my story. I happen to really like the game of craving life. But this whole idea, for me, is much more terrifying than death. An unfathomable eternity as a solitary universal dance generating purpose inside itself while conjuring finite perspectives, humans included. An eternal sea casting itself into multiple waves, again and again and again. Experiencing joy, yes, but paying in horror. THAT is my nightmare fuel.

It’s the death of my wife or kids that scares me the most. I would die willingly for all of them. To be alive without them would be an unbearable emotional pain. I’ll take non existence every time.

you’re making some of the most intellectually stimulating content i have ever consumed on youtube. it’s not content, it’s art.

Like it was prophesized this video drops right when i am experiencing an intense death anxiety that wakes me up in the middle of the night in panic, thank you for making this.

This video just made me cry, this made me realize that I'm not alone with these thoughts I'm having. There are other people searching for the meaning of life and death, despite all the people that love and care and present beside me, I felt like I was alone in this crisis of thoughts. Who can I share this thoughts beside myself and my wet pillow at night, the tears serve a purpose; a catharsis to keep me sane, to have a sense of companion.

I waste away my time on social media. I spend hours each day desperately looking for the next video or post to occupy my attention, so when I say that this is one of the most beautiful, challenging, and profound essays I've ever had the pleasure of hearing, please understand the gravity of my claim. I hope you believe what I say.

My neurodivergent family often overintellecualizes things but in the case of death, I'm glad we've talked so much about it, in any way. It makes it easier to talk now that my folks are in the process. We really focus on legacy and both of theirs is minor but solid, and protected. My dad's artistic mind lives on in his students, his art has been collected by a museum (via a huge donation, one has to be truly famous to have a museum in our area pay for pieces), my mom has done museum oral history interviews (she was a disability rights activist), & we are secure in our tiny, insignificance that is also lives of tremendous impact. Even if no one ever recognizes me specifically, I was an activist and continue to do community work. It's not as altruistic as it seems to volunteer and get involved, it's a beautiful piece of security that one's life was of value to the community. It feels really good, even when everything else in my life is going wrong...

Goosebumps just about the whole way through, this video is especially excellent work of yours

You are a blessing for today’s RU-vid landscape. I love the topics you discuss and how they make me question many aspects of my young life. I appreciate your work and would love to see you keep going! ❤

Having just come out of a bad depressive period (was very close to suicide), I can honestly say the things that tie us to life in the worst moments are what make it worth living. I ultimately didn't commit because I wouldn't be able to hug my best friend again, or cuddle my cat, or eat chocolate, or play video games, or make art, or sit by the ocean. A thousand tiny nothings that make life worth living. Now that I'm properly medicated and can actually experience happiness again, I've decided that before I die, I'm going to spend a bit more time living first. Life is special because it ends. If you died tomorrow, what are the things you'd regret not doing the most? Those are the things you're living for. In addition, if you're scared of death, I would also recommend engaging with people that deal with death all the time and are comfortable talking about it - would highly recommend Caitlin Doughty's youtube channel Ask A Mortician, or any of her books, for growing more comfortable with death and the questions it makes us ask.

Found this channel on a fluke and im happier I did with every new upload. Thank you for sharing, i deeply agree with many of your points made, especially the strength of religious people that i cannot understand, the strength of their faith.

Was feeling very isolated and worried about being close to the threshold of giving up entirely. This video helped me rethink that, thank you.

This channel and the art you produce on it has quickly become some of my all time favourite, I hope you realise how beautiful your art is.

This heartfelt reflection on the nature of life and death is profoundly moving. The narrative, interwoven with Leo Tolstoy's insights, beautifully illustrates the complex emotions surrounding mortality. It reminds us that while we may never find definitive answers about death, the journey of living, cherishing moments, and seeking fulfillment is where we can find meaning. This document is a poignant exploration of the human condition. 🌟💭💖

This was absolutely beautiful. I think of death, life, purpose, philosophy, religion near daily and just knowing there is at least one person alive out there contemplating these topics as well makes me feel so connected to. I appreciate and see you.

I don't know what to say other than thank you for your content. This video may be the single most important thing for me this season of my life. You do a lot and I really appreciate you.

Sometimes RU-vid randomly thought a creator like you my way and it always ends the same way, with me watching every video you have to offer. Thank you for everything you have created and I cannot wait for more content truly

You’re not alone. I’m 5 minutes into this video and I have shared your viewpoint the entire time. That actually offers some comfort to me. Not enough, but some. I do pray even though I’m not religious. My prayer is simple: Please God, exist. That is all I wish; for the existence of God

As a psychologist who works on an oncology center i felt it so deeply... recently i was saying to my pacients that death and sickness are something that we cannot explain neither blame someone or something, just pass through the lightest way we can cuz its a lonely journey... i ll need some time to process this, thank you for sharing your thoughts

I am profoundly calmed by the fact that this specific video exists. I feel atleast a great sense of sonder. I search youtube often when I’m suddenly overwhelmed by fears of death more so the fear of the end of life. I never quite find the content I’m looking for. Thank you for this video. I hope you can find solace in life’s passage. Recently I have found the most rewarding and life affirming thing is making your love known to your loved ones. The connection makes me feel alive and softens those anxious nights. I feel safe in the knowledge that we persist through this together that no matter what the meaning of life nor the truth of our reality is. It is shared by fellow beings and we can choose to wallow in our on suffering or reach out and share the comfort of our fellow beings.

Absolutely incredible and moving. I was not prepared to have this existential weight dropped on me, but now I am glad for it

This was probably my favourite video that you've put out. Fully agree with the concluding points. Hearing about your grandmother reminded me of mine as well. Similar situation, 3 kids and a single mum, my nan had to look after us after school while mum worked, she taught me how to cook among other things, we were very close. She passed away in Jan 2015 after battling with COPD in the hospital for 3 days, with us being by her side. Your grandmother would be proud of how far you have come, and by how many people you inspire and give hope or comfort to daily. Thank you for the really insightful video

This is the best video I have watched. I recently have been binging all of the content on this channel. You have a mind that reminds me of my own, and it seems to me that maybe one of the best ways to cope with death, is not to understand it but to fight it. You are here beyond immense odds on a scale so cosmically large that it’s incomprehensible. Death will come, but you must fight it as long as there is still breath in your body. Even when life contains suffering, by whatever odds that be, you are ALIVE. Rejoice, rejoice for life and rejoice for death. Just the fact that I’m ABLE to be terrified of what happens after I die is a splendor in itself and should be cherished as with every other moment.

This channel has an outstanding universal value.

As someone who has spent much time thinking about death. I personally have come to find comfort in my own existence and am at terms with mortality. Rather than write an entire essay, I'll share some of the questions I think are worth considering - What would it be like to be live eternally? Is this desirable? - What alternative solution would you pose instead of death? - When does death occur, think about severe brain injuries. If we have lost all our memories is that not death? Who are we fundamentally that defines us as an individual? Are we not different to when we were children, are the child versions of ourself not already dead and lost just as the current versions of ourselves will be gone one day, next year, next week, tomorrow, today, next second, next infinitesimal unit of time? What if we remove a single brain cell every day until we have 0? When did our death occur? At one braincell? At two? Surely we are more than that, but how much more, and how much less of all our braincells is still us? - What are we even saying when we say life is meaningless? How can life have meaning? It's easy to say life has no meaning, but how about we try and define a universe where the beings in that universe have a purpose and meaning? Is that even possible? When you ask in a repeated chain of questions "what's the point" you will always either encounter a loop or a question with no answer. Following on from thinking mostly about those questions in particular I posed myself with one question that gives me peace: Fundamentally what would be the difference between living a life and dying, versus living a life but when we die we lose all our memories of existence and then we are spawned back into ourselves at birth living an infinite loop of the same life. To me they are indistinguishable. A perfect loop of existence versus a line. Although they are equivalent by definition in my mind, somehow I find it a lot more comprehensible and comforting to imagine the loop.

Just want to say I love this channel. No matter what the subject is I find myself completely engrossed in every video. Thanks for making such awesome, informative, and easily digestible videos. Keep up the great work!

best f-ing channel on yt, i am addicted. the quality of the content, the images on screen, the intelectual stimulation... thanks for making this content free!

I had a conversation about death with my mother yesterday, and this video pops on my feed today. She said she has become less concerned with dying as she's gotten older, as she's experienced it more with friends and family passing. I hope that I gain that clarity as I age. This was a beautiful video.

This was absolutely beautiful. One of the best videos on the platform. Thank you for making this!

Very interesting perspective on the subject, since I do not have intrusive thoughts about this ever. I never actually felt that strongly about death, but I probably came into contact with it too much at an early age. I see this life as a storm passing by, and I actually don't have a problem with that. There are many around me who don't feel the same way about this, and I don't really know what to say to them. Where some people see a wonder of the universe that is too short, I see myself as a wonderful particle that gets to float around in this wicket universe. I do not want to die. I don't know what I would do if a doctor said I had X amount of time left, but I don't fear death, at least not actively.

I'm 45 years old, consider myself a proud working class academic and I am a history teacher at a Catholic school in New England. I've experienced a lot, I've studied and open myself up to many ideas and philosophies, and yet I am consistently blown away by the ponderings I happen to come across on this channel almost daily. I got to say, you are one smart f****** kid man, please do not stop uploading these precious tidbits of philosophical prowess. EVER!

I like the quote by the 14th Dalai Lama when asked what suprises him most about mankind: “Man, because he sacrifices his health to make money, and then sacrifices his money to regain his health. And he is so anxious about the future that he is not able to enjoy the present. The result being, he doesnt live in the future or the present. He lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies, having never lived. It came to mind when watching this video. Death is inevitable, and you never know when it will strike. But right here, right now, we live. So don’t forget to be alive before you aren’t anymore.

when my grandmother died recently at 103, it sent me spiraling. i could not get these questions out of my head. i started watching astrophysics and neurobiology documentaries obsessively. i can't say i've figured anything out, but i think about the years a decade ago that i had spent clinically depressed & suicidal and now i can't even express how lucky i feel to still be here.

Honestly, even though we’re all gonna die, I feel bad for not knowing my multiplication tables.

Uhhh there was nothing about horses in this video.

become my blade once more

Yknow...it's really nice to know that there's people who don't have faith, to be willing to still respect faith. In my shoes. It's like I'm constantly battling to keep what I hold dear. What others want to take from me. For no other reason, than to feel something they're unsure of. My God does things that makes people sad. He does things that makes us happy. I don't understand it. But the feeling that washes over me. Knowing I will always do good no matter the odds. No matter how silly and heartbreaking it may be. I look to him not for answers why, but for guidance. I can't make sense of why things happen. Causes me pain. But the love never fades.

I don’t have general anxiety or depression but I also find the idea of death paralyzing and often times when I’m alone in my thoughts my mind wanders on the subject of death and I find myself literally screaming in fear and panic. I initially wanted to stop watching the video purely out of fear that it might cause me, sitting alone in my car with no one to talk to and alone to my thoughts, to panic and scream. But after forcing myself to watch I instead found myself tearing up at your grandmothers words and I finally felt as though I am not alone in this crippling fear. I’m still afraid. But no longer alone. So thank you.

You deserve all of the attention you're getting right now. I'm glad to have found you in this last month or two. Simply amazing work!

I really enjoyed the words of wisdom at the end. “Life is long,” is so true. I think people stuck in a state of hopeless depression forget that things can get better, with time, patience and effort to turn things around. I would recommend the book “the Happiness trap,” by Russ Harris (or RU-vid videos by the author) to anyone who is struggling with hopelessness and thoughts of, “what’s the point.” The advice there in was helpful, and putting said advice into practice was worth it. Essentially, the book tells you (or at least my interpretation) that life is not meant to be easy, and no one is meant to be happy all the time. All we can do is find out what are the things/activities/people that bring us the most joy, and start making an effort to do more of that (obviously excluding activities that bring temporary joy and long term strife, such as addiction). Even when times are most difficult, you make effort to include those most joyful activities in your life. If you enjoy helping others, volunteer, if you like to travel, but can’t afford to right now, take a day trip to somewhere in your back yard that you can enjoy…I could prob go on but I suggest reading more from the author if you are interested :)

Being someone that has had to face my mortality for as long as I've been able to store memory, death has never been something that concerned me much. If it happens, oh well. I'm prepared. I don't need fantasies of eternity to give me hope in death. Death's pragmatism became apparent to me losing my father at a young age so the idea of a supreme being has always felt absurd. It's difficult for me to emphathize with those that are afraid of dying because I have never experienced that kind of anxiety, but in an abstract way I suppose i can understand it on a more primal or fundamental level. Great video, thanks 👍

This video directed me to read leo Tolstoy's death of Ivan Ilyich and I can highly recommend it for everyone who battles with the fear of death. The book helped me cope with the thoughts of death and let me process them from a different point of view, from a point of view of a man who is facing his own mortality. This video and that book were the first time I could actually notice that I am not alone with my thought's of death and that other people fear death in a similar way that I fear it. For the longest time I had a similar point of view of death like Leo had when he talked about people playing outside despite them having to face death at the end just like everybody else, but this book and video truly helped me find solace in these thoughts and helped me realise that I shouldn't worry about death so much but enjoy the gift of life as long as I can.

just found this channel today…the hemmingway video. ive been struggling recently. thank you for your work. i hope you’ve been well.

This was indescribably horrifying and beautiful, and shocked my entire system. Thank you for what you do

I appreciate the lack of ai images, that shit is kinda cringe.

An absolute masterpiece in writing and a great thought piece. Keep it up you’re doing great!

I'm truly thankful for having come across your channel. The beautifully articulated thoughts and profound wisdom act as a kind of tonic even when the subject matter is as dark as death. You deserve a much wider audience which I am confident in time you will have.

this is like reading my mind i swear :)). As someone who tried to take their own life, I can concur with what Tolstoi stated...Just live. Nothing matters anyway unless you make it matter to you. Death won't matter, hons. Take care

Im glad you have 450k subscribers, you deserve it

Thanks for making this stuff man. You’re helping a lot of people.

I agree with your grandmother, life is too long, and I see death only as hope and freedom. I do find tremendous comfort in knowing one day all of this will end and nothing will matter. That's the thought that gets me out of panic attacks and such.

I listen to this in the gym because nothing is as heavy as the weight of our mortality. Your Grandmas quote almost made me cry

I started along this path when I was 22, 5 years have gone and learned a lot, but I still feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of what life is for me. This is one of the best video essays I’ve seen so far. As always won’t expect nothing less than this brother!

As a 3rd year in college fresh off the heels of a career fair, the story of Ivan’s death is terrifying. It’s true that success often comes with doing horrible things that aren’t perceived as horrible, sometimes even by yourself; thus is the nature of competition. However, I often find myself daydreaming about packing my life up, dropping out or quitting, and pursuing the life I want to live. I don’t really know how to do that, though. Self-sufficiency is impossible in our modern era without serious consequences and sacrifices. But still, perhaps once I earn enough money I can afford to no longer work? I don’t need much to be happy, really. But I’m afraid that I’ll get sucked into a vortex of corporate hell, the want for more driving me further and further into “success,” which would really be delayed suffering if the story of Ivan is to be believed.

I had a deep existential crisis about death in my mid-twenties and it was precisely this work by Tolstoy that helped me the most through that dark period.

He did not need to do me like that on this fine Tuesday morning. Honestly though, a really touching analysis of the complexity of feelings towards a truly inevitable event, and pragmatically hopeful at the end :)

I don't go calling many RU-vid videos masterpieces but..

Remember how this guys name is Horses?

I remember when I was around 6 or 7 years old. And I don’t know if it was due to watching Charlotte’s Web, or listening to certain mournful music, but I distinctly recall feeling a deep grief and fear at the notion of dying, and just wanting to feel some connection to God that could make it feel less scary…that could match the sort of connection my family seemed to have. Decades later, that feeling still comes on some nights. As a Christian, I’ve certainly had my struggles with my faith at times (especially since coming out as gay as a young adult), and have never related to the sense of certainty others (including in my family) have expressed. In turn, it’s been a struggle to grapple with the coexistence of God and evil, in my academic work and otherwise. In the end, does being a man of faith eliminate the fear of death? I’ve found that it doesn’t, at least not for me. For me, more than someone to rule over humanity, I have found comfort in imagining God as a friend, someone who can’t really stop the pain and inevitable death that I and others must go through (as much as He would like to shield us from it), but who nevertheless tries to provide strength and wants me and others to find peace as we try to figure out how to navigate life. I, too, don’t buy into the idea that life is short…indeed, in the darkest moments I’ve gone through, I couldn’t help but long for it to be shorter and less painful. But it really helps to be reminded and assured that the idea of death as something terrifying on an existential level isn’t just something I’ve felt. It makes what’s to come feel a little less lonely. So truly, Horses, thank you for sharing this video with us, and I wish you all the best as you seek your own answers.

Personally I am quite thankful that I became friends with death early on in my life. Days after I was born I stopped breathing due to choking on bile, when I was 14 I had alcohol poisoning so severe that I passed out and puked in my sleep while laying on my back (it is a miracle I didn't choke and die like a heroin addict). As an adult I spent 5 years dealing with suicidal levels of depression, I would often be in a dark enough place that I would just start walking into a field, would lay down and just wait to starve to death and be taken in by the earth once more. The closest moment was when I lost my 5th job in a row, for me each and every loss of employment nearly sent me over the edge, this one broke me. During the firing I was ripping the buttons off my lanyard and was about to rip my shirt off feeling as though they were taking everything from me, internally I felt like a cornered animal, I felt like I was being attacked (I've had ptsd since I was 13 due to an armed break-in at my house). I literally was on the verge of killing the people that were once my managers and coworkers because I understood the mental fate they were condemning me to. I was police escorted off the premises, they could probably tell I wasn't stable. In the parking lot I let out blood curdling screams about how I was going to crush the owners skull while full ugly sobbing. Thank god I had enough sanity left to call my mother because even while on the phone I was stumbling towards the busy road. I was going to throw myself into traffic. I didn't work for a year after that. It actually was during the covid pandemic, my firing was actually related to it because our customer count was falling and we had too many people on board. During that year I recovered from the emptiness I felt deep in my soul. But I also started legit getting cabin fever from being cooped up so long. By the time a year had passed I was straight up willing to do anything, any job you could imagine, just to get out of these 4 walls. Even after finding employment I was a shell of my former self. I had absolutely zero confidence and could barely talk anymore. Slowly but surely I started being able to actually talk more. 4 years later and I still have the same job, I am one of the most social and outgoing people there. Having a positive work environment I was even able to kick the drug habits I had gotten over the years. I say all this to show, I'm acquainted with death. Having been so close to leaving this plane as long as I was, I have learned to truly value what I have in the here and now, how much none of it is to be taken for granted. In the here and now I want experience all this planet has to offer. I want to travel the world and I want to draw all of it. I do not understand the logic most people have of working till retirement and then doing their exploring, you are too old and frail of body to even enjoy said excursions. See the world when you are young and don't even think about such things as retirement. Retirement is for those of simple mind, those that couldn't build for them a career that they can enjoy until their dying day. I have no desire to hit an age where I don't work, my goal is to do what I love until the day I die.

I too have had great loss, and pain. What resonates with me is the evolution of biology. We eukaryotes, we heterotrophs are the inheritors of the greatest innovation in cellular biology. The great dying, or the great oxygenation event was the greatest extinction even of all time. We are the 0.001% descendants of the survivors from 1B years ago are the lucky ones. We metabolize oxygen and therefor have tremendous energy to move and think. Our brains execute 1 billion billion operations per second, producing consciousness and therefor suffering. The aerobic respiration that affords us consciousness, creativity, and self awareness, also means we oxidize and die. Would you rather be a mushroom or a virus?