One Habit that Unintentionally Hurts Your Child’s Self-Confidence

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Some parenting practices seem helpful and supportive at first glance, but they actually undermine your child’s confidence.
In this video, I share one of the parenting habits that’s potentially most damaging, partly because it’s so subtle and seems like "good parenting".
I share a story from my own parenting experience--and just to put it in context, this is one of MANY instances where I saw the same response in my son, when I inadvertently did this habit.
After watching the video, I invite you to observe your child over the next while if you do this habit, and let us know your experience with it in the comments below.
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Playlist: Best of Colleen's Connected Parenting videos for parents of sensitive spirited kids:
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Online course 👉🏻 Raising Confident Kids: Help Your Child Develop Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence colleenadrian.com/raising-con...
Find more free parenting tips for connected parenting with your sensitive, spirited kids and teens:
- / colleen.parentwriter
- www.colleenadrian.com/blog/
www.colleenadrian.com
Please know that…
The information and statements on this RU-vid channel or in videos are my opinion based on observation, my experiences, and my review and interpretation of current research. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.

Опубликовано:

31 янв 2024

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Комментарии : 23

@sanfrannie9104 4 месяца назад

I often say, "let me know if you need help," or "can I help you find what you are looking for?" if our teenaged kids seem stuck on something. It has created one truly overconfident kid who waits until the very last minute to ask for help, and one confident kid who knows their limits and asks for help. I still catch myself treating them like little kids from time to time, and their response is a hard pushback. I appreciate that. They need to safely and confidently launch into adulthood.

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

@sanfrannie9104 Wow, thanks for sharing! I love that you ask, and that you notice their responses when you don't ask. It's so great that we can learn from our kids' responses. ❤️

@Laurenski67 4 месяца назад

My son actually appreciates ideas that he didn't think of, but he does push back when it's a critique of 'how' to do something so I try to resist & hold my tongue. Afterwards we would ask him what does he think he could have done differently, at that point we make suggestions if he hasn't figured out what went wrong - he responds much better than when he's in the middle of doing something.

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with this. It does really have a lot to do with how we pay attention to what they find helpful, or not, doesn't it? Thanks 🙏🏻❤

@calamitypip1066 4 месяца назад

Yesss! These thoughts really support something I'm trying. I am working on a creative project with children via zoom, with the intention of them feeling full ownership of the project. I noticed immediately I was having to pull all of the (great and wildly enthusiastic) parents aside and ask them to please shhhhh and let the children trouble shoot the problems themselves. The impulse to give unsolicited advice was MASSIVE in all cases and seems to be a deeply ingrained habit. And yes, it's true. The most tentative child of the group does happen to have THE most unstoppably enthusiastic parent.

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

@calamitypip1066 Thanks so much for sharing your story. It's so true. Parents love their kids soooo much and want to "help"--but helping when it's not asked for usually undermines confidence. Thankfully there are other ways of supporting our kids that can help them build confidence.

@silverq21 4 месяца назад

My husband means well, but he frequently offers unsolicited advice to me and our children. This often leads to resentment and resistance. Watching your video was a big "ah ha" moment for me.

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

@silverq21 I'm so glad it's helpful! Yes, even as adults, it doesn't feel very good to get unsolicited advice. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience with this 🙏🏻❤

@maileontop 4 месяца назад

Helping kids when they haven’t asked can undermine their confidence …. I’m sure this is true in marriage . My husband acts like I’m being critical when I offer unsolicited assistance, like in the kitchen for example .

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

Thanks so much for sharing. And yes, I've observed that as well--sometimes when we give unsolicited advice or "help", it leaves people feeling as if how they're doing their task isn't "good enough".

@MayBlake_Channel Месяц назад

Love this! I am very much like your son so I get it. New subscriber!

@colleenadrian1590 Месяц назад

@MayBlake_Channel Thanks for sharing your perspective on what it's like to be on the receiving end of this habit ❤ And welcome, so glad you're here!

@perspectiveiseverything1694 4 месяца назад

While I agree overall, *teaching* the foundation (of baking or *how* to do something) is a big part of our job.. passing on knowledge. Whether they do it on their own or w/help, at some point, their mistake & the correction will have to be addressed. A LOT of parents are overbearing. And a LOT of kids are prideful. We all should be respectful, thanks for pointing that out. 😊

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

Thanks for sharing. Your experience with this makes me think of 'finding the middle road' that's supportive ❤

@user-nw7kj2sz4y Месяц назад

Hello Colleen! Mabuhay from the Philippines. When you started talking about your son's body's response, wheh you said he kinda slumped 😢 i have caused a lot of those situations in my eldest daughter. I remember her face losing that glow, energy of exctement of doing something. She is 16, but has low confidence and poor self-esteem. I cried listening to your video. I realized how toxic of a mom I am. How do i help my daughter heal from all those past trauma? Is it too late? She is 16. Thank you! I just discovered your channel today.

@colleenadrian1590 Месяц назад

@user-nw7kj2sz4y Hello, thank you for sharing. I hear you--we mean well in these situations, and it's painful when we realize that sometimes, despite our deep love for our kids,, we hurt them without meaning to. I'm appreciating your desire to make changes to support your daughter. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. It's not too late to make changes, it's never too late. I'll link a couple of resources below this.

@colleenadrian1590 Месяц назад

This article has some good tips for parent practices that help build confidence: colleenadrian.com/how-to-help-kids-who-are-too-hard-on-themselves/

@colleenadrian1590 Месяц назад

here's a playlist, on Raising Confident Kids and Self Esteem: ru-vid.com/group/PLuM29FTX_HQkrbwTrJJxawBkdUFm6ZaVF

@colleenadrian1590 Месяц назад

I also have an online course in a self-study format, with lots of practical strategies. It's called Raising Confident Kids: Help Your Child Develop Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence 👉🏻 colleenadrian.com/raising-confident-kids-course-eg/

@sarahc.7400 4 месяца назад

The beginning of the story you said that the recipe had quite a few ingredients but then, when you talk about the coconut omission, you said it didn’t have very many ingredients? I stop listening after this.

@ewamarta4161 4 месяца назад

I understood that it had lots of ingredients but not much of the bulk ingredients and coconut was one of the bulk stuff making the volume.

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

@sarahc.7400 Thanks for your feedback. I actually noticed that right after I said it--and what I meant in the second statement was that the *volume* of ingredients overall wasn't very big, and what I didn't say was, the coconut was one of the larger volume items. I didn't re-record bc my main message was about my son't response, and what I learned from it, (and also, because letting details go sometimes is part of my journey as a recovering perfectionist). ❤

@colleenadrian1590 4 месяца назад

@@ewamarta4161 That's exactly it. Thanks for your comment. 🙏🏻❤