Narcissistic Families That Resemble Cults, featuring Meredith Miller 

I was raised by a narcissist parent and indoctrinated from birth as a Jehovah's Witness. I was shunned at age 20 for "wrongdoing," and family and friends cut off all contact with me. This is a cult tactic meant to force people back into compliance. Because I was so hurt and shamed, I stopped attending JW services and stopped reading their literature. The shunning actually led to my waking up, since I had that distance and a hiatus from the constant reinforcement of indoctrination. Being discarded at times is exactly the space a survivor needs to start waking up and to start healing.

Meredith was my introduction into narcissistic abuse years ago she basically saved my butt from going crazy cause I had no clue what was happening in my marriage, but she helped me lift the veil and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage. So glad I’m far away from that pain and trauma. thanks guys

"Awareness first , then boundaries ...Trauma gets frozen in the nervous system".

I left my abusive narc mother when I was 27. I didn't know how to cook, run a washing machine or anything. She made sure I was completely dependent on her. So the practical matters were many. But worse, I was immediately ostracized from the family for 'abandoning them' and she told me to not even THINK of coming back if I fell flat on my face. I thought once I was away, everything would be normal from me. NOPE! That inner dialogue.....It was like she was still there. I had nothing to replace her voice with. I did not know what normal was. I wound up in an abusive marriage and it was at a women's shelter that a counsellor opened my eyes to what narcissistic abuse was. I'm in my 60s now...divorced....and still learning what normal is.

Meredith is a treasure!💜Through her, I discovered there was a world narcissistic abuse awareness day, June 1.

I can totally relate to this dynamic. The family will cull out of the group anyone who does not think exactly the way the rest of the family cult thinks. The "group think" is huge. The one who speak something different from the main narcissist will be raged at, demeaned or completely ignored when all the other tactics don't work. Then when they see they cannot control you they will gossip so that the extended family think something is wrong with you too. Been there had all this done to me. What they don't realize is that being rejected in this way is a blessing, we can carry on to be our real selves and have friends who don't act the way the cult acts. It's wonderful when we can choose our friends. This happens in church gatherings too.

My late MIL was a covert narcissist (she passed last April). My husband is the only boy of six children, and over the past 38 years I've watched him struggle with all the expectations his mother placed on him from infancy. Now that she's *finally* gone, his oldest sister has now stepped into that toxic role so we're very low contact with her and the rest of the family. The battle is real!

I’m 42 year old black male from Dallas texas. I had a nde and started a spiritual awakening and walked away from my family completely moved to another state just to find myself living in another just as toxic environment, so I am working on healing and resetting nervous system cause I’m tired of being around toxic people

Totally Agreed! I spent over half of my 66 years trying to escape this evil family system and still become angry with unrest when the thoughts of them creeps in.

Dr Carter! THIS is a dream come true for me haha! My journey to freedom began with Meredith! I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. Then i spent years thinking the n was going through early onset dementia. I was so confused. I had never heard of narcissism. Had no idea what “self awareness” meant. I didn’t understand the meaning of “passive aggressive.” Until a friend of mine sent me the video of Meredith interviewing Dr Simon. My mind was blown! (As was the n’s cover!) Meredith has helped me SO MUCH! I’m really looking forward to your interview with her!!! Edited for typos

“We seek connection more than we seek truth” so deep and so sadly true

Thank you so much for inviting Meredith! She's great! We can learn a lot from such experienced professionals like you two.

My older sister is a malignant narcissist and she took over my family, turning my own adult kids against me. She started this grooming when they were much younger. BC had no one to take care of her as she aged, she set her sights on my own. She has succeeded. Truly a cult dynamic in place.

Some of us were born into cults, not "recruited". The International Cultic Studies Association refers to cults as "high demand groups" and that certainly describes a lot of families. And religion plays a big part in that. Especially those that are based on a patriarchal system where the man is "in charge" and the wife and kids are "in subjection" to him. He feels he has the "god-given right" to be a controlling narcissist and she is an enabler because she has been taught that that's her god-given role.

“the abuser would be powerless without the enablers” All the enablers have to do is not cooperate. But I think the reason enablers go along with the abuser is because the abuser is brazen and cruel in a way that the enabler isn’t. It’s fascinating to watch even when it’s incredibly cruel to the targets.

A few years ago, I discovered Meredith's video on gossip. It changed my life and that of my children's. From that day forward, I vowed to do better to not relish in family gossip. I have been able to protect my children from much sorrow by committing not to tell their personal information to extended family. I am not perfect in not talking about family behind their backs. It is a form of entertainment that I experienced my whole upbringing but the efforts I have consciously made have brought much peace to my soul that would not have existed otherwise. I sleep a lot better these days with a lot less aftermath and mop ups necessatated after speaking about others behind their backs.

I married into a family cult system. My husbsnds mother was head narcissist. She had NOTHING to do with me until my 1st son was born. She then started to implement control tactics. She and I were at odds with each other. I refused to be controlled and guarded my children. He could not stand up to her. He never defended me. Allowed her to dictate to him. He died over two yrs ago. I moved away from the family. My two adult sons have also parted ways with the family as they to saw the control. I was vonsidered a problem. So now I'm not. She discarded me after he died, which was acblessing to me and my adult sons. Thanks Dr. C. I am so blessed by God, I give thanks everyday that He gave me an open door to step into freedom.

This is my lifestory. I am 55 years old and only for a few years now i am totally disconnected and free from the familycult i grew up in. I was the one who was awake and left at age of 18. My siblings are flying monkeys, i slept with my sister in one room and she was grooming and gaslighting me over and over. It was exhausting. What helped me survive was promising to myself to keep my integrity and honesty no matter what. In highschool i found a teacher who helped me. Thank you. These video's help me healing and not feeling alone.

Yes, I grew up in a cult type family, and my son married into a true narcissistic cult family. It’s so real and they cannot see it in any way.

I haven't seen Meredith in so long. Great to see her. Good show, thank you. 😊

Meredith really knows her stuff 🔥 Thank you, Dr. Carter, for having her as your guest ❤

There’s a phrase “thinning of the Veil” I think becoming aware of cluster B behaviors in family or community systems is similar to that experience.

I absolutely love Meredith , she was the first person I found that was talking about narcissism . She has such a wonderful insight into this mixed up narc situation . I'm looking forward to this !!

When I was younger I would meet really healthy people I would run away. I admired them so much but was so uncomfortable and unworthy almost shamed that I could never have that. Thank you now I realize that I am ready to only have those people in my life.

My fixer is broken and im glad. My helping wasnt helpful 😅 im taking care of me❤😅 thanks very much.

This gives great insight to narcissistic family’s that gangstalk people when they feel a threat internally or externally even if they’re is not a threat ❤🇮🇪my stalkers are teaching their children how to do stalking tactics and behaviours maybe like they were taught in childhood I love children and it’s so sad too see this happen not only is this criminally insane but demonic and involves about four hundred off the same family members. Totally crazy being subjected too this for me the victim it’s hard too fathom as a 63 adult who thought I saw everything in life 🇮🇪

Meredith Miller is the first person I encountered when I began my narcissistic abuse recovery journey! So wonderful to hear this dialogue!

Meridith Miller and Dr George Simon videos were the very first ones to get me to know what was happening in my life!... Thank you for bringing this amazing lady on the show, Inshaa'Alllah! ❤

Meredith was also my introduction into narcissistic abuse back in 2016/2017 timeframe. Her podcasts helped me understand what I was dealing with and experiencing. Because of Meredith, Dr. Carter, and BetterHelp I have moved forward with my life and have a happy soul.

Yes. It was a much later romantic relationship that woke me up to the dysfunction in my childhood family

So nice to see Meredith. Here is someone who really put it in articulated verbiage that hit home with me!

These two have saved my life; listen to them today. And again tomorrow. And as long as it takes to get yourself free. What a gift! Thank you Dr.C and Meredith for your important work.

She’s the reason why I found out my family was scapegoating me! I literally tell the story 100 times, but I was in my Amazon truck and I found her video while surfing through the web trying to figure out my relationship with my ex partner who is a narcissist. As soon as I watched her video, I knew exactly what I was dealing with, and it all made sense. Ever since I was a little boy, I knew something was off with my family and the video just answered so many questions, and what is the domino affect of all my personal development work. ❤💯 thank you 🎉

True. My ex was a fake southern baptist pastor . For 20 yrs my daughter and I could not wear makeup, wear earrings, wear shorts. have long hair, ; me and my 3 children were not allowed to listen to anything but church music,. However, he watched pornographic movies, books, went to strip clubs, addicted to prostitutes, etc. He kicked us out of our home in 1989. He already had a new "supply". .....

The narc here pointed out I had Stockholm syndrome and blamed me for it! What a guy.

The normal developmental milestone of individuation is punished in the narcissistic family cult. Thou shalt not be a separate person from the narcissist who desires to subsume you.

She was intro to narcissistic parents and the Trama Bond she literally changed my life . Most greatful ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Yes! Yes! Yes! on all of what Meredith and Dr. C. are saying! SO spot on, and yes, it's SO much more difficult and painful when the "uninformed, naive" outsiders to the abuse attack you, shoot and throw verbal and emotional arrows, and 'grenades' at you, doing all they can to continue cutting you down. We are called on to cut off, let go, and become all the stronger inside ourselves in order to get through it, walk past it, healing one small step at a time. Move on, love yourself, move forward and upward. Thank you for this excellent clarity of information.

Years ago, I found Meredith on RU-vid and learned so much. She helped me understand my mother’s narcissism and how I needed to start my healing journey.

Dr C, appreciate your programs - and a special thanks for using the words: "brainwashing" "indoctrination" "brain is trained" ... every single situation is uniquely different even though we use the blanket term narcissism/sociopathy etc. "Reprogramming your nervous system" - thanks Meredith. It can all be quite complex. Our grown children were trained by a malignant narcissist (I didn't know the'big words' then) and it's not a pretty sight although we are all survivors. Narcissistic people are dangerous - bottom line. They will never 'cease and desist' with their sabotage - not even with their death - their legacy of pain anguish and destruction live on creating generational abomination. "No contact" does not mean you're healed." And "it's not your fault" however future "choices are our own." True enough. Accountability belongs to everyone. Timshel.

🩷🙏🩷 Much Gratitude for the knowledge Dr. Carter & Meredith Miller share!! 💞💞💞Peace & Blessings... Most of all Love!!💞💞💞

How cool! Meredith's videos have been such a light!

All abusers are the same. Groups, individuals etc. my mom’s the head psychopath. My whole family goes along with it, but I never could. They communicated me and still try to break me. They’re nuts

I've made a lot of therapeutic mental health progress taking on Dr.Carter & Meredith Miller's work individually. To have two wonderful professionals collaborate together on such a serious & important topic is invaluable

The clear sign is the love to hate scenarios. They can barely interact with one another without a competition. You cannot tell who is loyal to who. They are distinctly disloyal but unified by their hate for others on the outside and need to protect those on the inside, even when they know this is an unworthy cause. You can be sure at the heart of the matter is a big-dark secret that will eventually affect the units' pocket. If it were the pocket of just one of the members, that person would be chastised and separated like the weak link in the animal kingdom, basically left to die.

Merediths is very knowledge, she clearyly has a lot of experience with this and an amazing amount of expertise. So few people understand. I'm glad there are people like Dr. C and Meredith who can help educate the general public.

Meredith is a genius on narcissists. A real treasure. She's spot-on about moving on which is what it's all about. I believe that I was born to two narcissist/psychopaths so that I could reach up to my higher self and God for a greater understanding of all that is.

When you are talking about the hierarchy what is important for me to understand is that everyone is 100% responsible. That includes the enabler.

My goodness! This is so POWERFUL! Trained neurological trauma . She said you are programmed at the nervous system to seek the connection because the nervous system recognizes disconnection as life threatening wow. Programmed. My goodness

Ms Miller, I learnt a lot of your videos some years ago. I missed your vids! And I learnt so much on this Channel. Thank you, Doc Carter!

I just took crap. Now I stay away.

Wow! That's exactly it. I got away, got my " freedom" but I've never felt more stuck. Can't remember/ feel what I wanted out if life. Everything is cardboard. Thank you both❤

I feel sick to my stomach. I watched my mother abuse my little sister and did nothing. I was an enabler. She forgives me, but sometimes I feel so stupid and duped.

Meridith you are so smart, intelligent. Having the ability and experience to say out loud what we know in our minds and heart.

Oh my! This is so scary! Im afraid its whats happening to my 6 year old granddaughter. I dont think she gets to go outside much, cant see her extended family, doesn't get to attend public gatherings because her mother (my daughter) has made her afraid! I saw them in a store and my granddaughter was not allowed to speak to me. This is horrible! Thank you!

Thank you, Les and Meredith. Two of my favorites are in one space, and we are blessed for your teachings.

Trauma to purpose - all the way healthy!

Meredith, Dr. Carter, Dr Vaknin, (and some others) all helped me some 10 years ago. ❤

Thank you for this episode Dr. Carter and Meredith Miller. It is enlightening and empowering. This is helping me move forward.

And once again dr C has shown to be an excellent host for interesting guests!

Looking forward. Haven’t seen Meredith on You Tube for a while and always enjoyed her videos.

It's so nice to listen to you two have a conversation. I really was excited to see Meredith Miller was still doing this work, which she's good at, and that so many of us need! Thanks, Dr. C, for doing this video. You have really good people as guests on your videos.

I used to say, when I got away from my kid's dad, that it was like coming out of a cult. I was susceptible to his narcy charms for a number of reasons. 1. I was a 16 year old undiagnosed autistic girl, who was homeless, when I met him. 2. He was in a band, his band, and he wrote songs that I thought were virtuous and were in keeping with my values (environment care, human rights, peace and positive) so, being a autistic teenager, I thought that meant he was a good guy. 3. My mum had been similarly narcissistic and similar values to him ("hippy" vegetarian) so it was familiar to me.3. He was twice my age when I met him. 4. He got me pregnant very quickly. 5. I thought I had no options due to having kids with him, no family help, my autism, and I already had complex trauma/cPTSD. It took me 20 years and 7 children and near death and meeting my current partner to get out. I was ostracized by the majority of our children for many years. 6 out of my 7 children are no longer estranged from me. My oldest daughter even mentioned "brainwashing" in relation to her dad a few years ago. Autism made me more susceptible to it and made it harder to see my way out. He gaslit me a lot (screamed at me that I was "crazy" stuff like that). I thought it wasn't abuse for so long because "he didn't hit me". He malnourished me. Overworked me. Sleep deprived me. Drugged me. Kept me isolated in the bush for years. And I was too busy nurturing our children the whole time. Literally barefoot and pregnant for years. We were on the road, living in a vehicle for years, or living in the bush for years. I never learnt to drive. So there you have it. How a young "hippy" raised autistic woman can get caught up by a narcissistic older man. I was in his band for ages. I could hardly talk to people when I met him, due to autism and trauma in childhood, performing helped me a lot. He boasted a few years in that he had wanted a homeless teenager that he could "mould". Smoking the Cannabis and its illegal status was another factor in the control over me and being stuck. It actually helped with the autism. There is clinical studies that back this up now. But being criminalized added to my susceptibility to being controlled and stuck for so long. He used the drug in a very controlling way. He used the children almost like hostages saying "If you leave me, you will never get or see the children, because you are crazy". I believed him for way too many years. I have been out for 14 years now. Have done a lot of trauma recovery, a lot of inner work. Most of my children (adults and 2 grandchildren) and I have healthy relationships now, or are working towards it, except one, who is still very in his father's "spell". He is very unhappy and unwell, still. It's painful and difficult, but, I'm much more at peace with all of my past and the situation, now. I have a lovely relationship with a man who also is neurodivergent and in recovery from narcissistic abuse. Life is good and I am free! :-).

Meredith Is one of my favorites ! I discovered her channel in my quest to understand (what I now understand as toxic) dynamics in my life. She speaks so eloquently on very deep matters. Thank you Meredith and Dr. C !

17:16 yes! Meredith is the BEST! Hands down. Thank you, Dr. C.

I recently read Daniel Shaw’s book Traumatic Narcissism. He discusses these issues of the parallels between a cult and a family headed by a narcissist in fascinating detail. He also gives case studies of therapy with people who have grown up with a narcissistic parent. Excellent book on Kindle and Audible

This discussion was GOLDEN. I have watched so many videos on narcissism and i never get tired of it because narcissism is on the rise in the world and i want to stay alert and educated on how to manage myself in this narcissistic world There is so much truth and wisdom in this video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us! I feel your peace through the video ❤❤❤

I married into a “Shiny, Happy People” family that actually had sent my future wife to a Bill Gothard training. She firmly believed all of it, but found ways to justify not being accountable.

I need to know how to heal my nervous system 😢

Thank You. Shine the Light into the darkness.

This should be a good one. A dream team.💛

I love Meredith, her work has been so healing and validating for me. My mother is the covert narcissistic type, and for such a long time NOBODY else could see it. I honestly thought I was going insane. Occasionally still I fall into self gaslighting, so it’s really nice to have someone else validate just how damaging and crazy making it is, breaking away from covert abuse. Funnily enough, a decade earlier, I left an actual cult (religious), and ten years later, extracting myself from my family of origin was EXACTLY like leaving the cult, just on a much smaller scale.

Cults are always closed.

Grateful as a survivor from a cult

Complying to avoid a beating in childhood. Still was beaten once I entered college and then moved out. Unfortunately, I married a covert narcissist not recognizing who he was, I was notally naive which was trained into me apparently. I delayed marriage to avoid this type of abusive relationship yet I walked right into it. I am now Old. I am very Sad that I am ending this life after such abuse .

It’s great that we have people like Meredith who the older generation can pass the baton to and keep their work going. To little is known of narcissism and the pervasive and unhealthy it has on society. How it breeds fear is one particular thing which has not been sufficiently studied. Keep up the great work. Have been a savior to me.

Wow, the importance of “connection over truth” and the link to survival explains the victims cognitive dissonance AND the flying monkeys! Thank you for all that you do, it’s incredibly helpful on the healing journey.

Meredith! So great to see you! ThanX Dr.C! ☆♡☆

I remember the feather painting behind her, from her earlier videos. I watched them so, so many times as I was beginning to figure out what was going on around me in my relationships. It was as if I never noticed the wallpaper of my life, because it seemed just like a normal view - I just couldn't see things that were right in front of me because I had never known anything else. She helped me to recognize what I couldn't see. Her work and way of speaking has always been so refreshing and kind and I learned so much from her. Glad to see you both together! Thank you to both for the good work you do -

Meredith is unique in that she not only dives deep into the process of the complex healing process in her own unique way with respect to readiness at different levels, but she speaks in such a genuine and yet gentle softspoken way. No wonder people adore her so. HIGH respect for this amazingly beautiful woman.

My life has changed so much for the better because of Dr. Less Carter. I have learned, grown and healed because of this channel. There is still some risidual pain but my life and my relationships have immensely improved. I am in a much happier place in my life. Thank you Dr. Carter ❤

Thank you for introducing me to Meredith Miller. This information is powerful.

Meredith's video on the Narc Family Cult is as good as it gets, just absolutely nailed my FOO dynamic. in fact, Meredith's videos were what started my journey out of the cult back in 2017, she gave me the roadmap, and along the way I found the healing community and many other great voices. And if you're really ready to come out of the unreality hole watch her last uploads.

I have much admoration for Meredith. I sure do miss the channel

The cult is so true. One of the first weird things I noticed in my ex wife's family was this strange hushed muttering she and her mum did. They spoke in some kind of bizarre 'in code'.Then I saw how her mum would mercilessly abuse her dad, often belittling him in public. He seemed too scared to ever object. The mother then started to make snarky comments at me. I objected and that was it. From that point I was seen as the enemy of all 3 of them. They drove me to the bottom of a deep dark pit of despair and confusion but there I found love and peace in my own heart. Perhaps I should be grateful for that? Maybe the viscious cruelty acted like the cutting and grinding tools which carved the rough stone in the direction of the diamond? Maybe, but watch out for the signs of the cult like mannerisms of a family you may be getting involved with. Grow your inner love and spread it out!❤

Yep....we struggle and wrestle to break free...then when the day arrives and we realize we are free from THE NARCS we don't know what to do next. Its not easy to figure out what we do with out time after we awake free. Very good point. Thank you for this excellent presentation!

There were a few things that woke me up in the past, but then I went back to sleep. I got married and my husband was able to wake me up. BUT I didn’t make any real changes or set boundaries that stuck until my son came along. That was my experience. He sort of forced me to make changes and save me from myself.

Watching this video has made today a glorious day.

Great discussion about healing. Miller's book "The Journey" is on my to-read list. Steven Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) also wrote about the 8th Effective Habit - doing that work we're born here to perform. Jesus spoke about working for the "wrong father" & commanded people to quit their jobs! Joseph Campbell's "Hero With A Thousand Faces" long ago changed my life. And I too went homeless when I switched careers. It's like there is work out there for you that you cannot not do. Dr. C, thanks again for a helpful podcast! God bless you, Ms. Miller, Team Healthy, and Gus.

Thank you for discussing this Dr. C People are marrying into these families and have no idea who and what is going on. Boy I did and it was more of a nightmare.

Another great interview, Doc. Every guests brings new insights into the insanity of dealing with the narcissists in our lives and how to heal. Thank you, Dr. C!

I was so happy when I saw her pop up on my newsfeed! She literally changed my life years ago.

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s Meredith Miller! I love her work and watch her videos a lot, but I haven’t seen her lately. Wow how great would it be if she came back!

Only GOD can change a person. I choose to live the rest of my life away from dominating, manipulative relatives, and now I know I can’t change anyone.

Thank you, thank you, Dr. Carter, and Meredith Miller.

This lady is amazing her words touched my soul shes describing everything i feel and it is so lonely.

Only several minutes in. This is really a great wonderful education on these in some instances very scarey family networks. Thank You Dr. Carter and Meredith Miller!

She's a super hero of healing not just focusing on the toxic n

I am so relieved to see if she’s doing all right. I was wondering where she’s been.

Thank you both for explaining all the craziness I experienced, but had no name for. Now it all makes sense.