ONE YEAR AFTER THE WILDFIRE // Overcoming Depression & Self-Hate 

ONE YEAR AFTER THE WILDFIRE // Overcoming Depression & Self-Hate. One year ago today, I was woken up at 1:30am to 40mph winds and a backyard on fire. Despite my mom and i’s attempts at hosing down the house to keep it moist, and our frantic attempts to round up the animals and pack our belongings, we quickly ran out of time, for we were evacuated by 2am, because the conditions were to unsafe to stay any longer.
I remember, I spent more time trying to think about what was “necessary” to pack, rather than just throwing shit into a bag. I was crying, hyperventilating, and nauseous because of the heavy smoke in the air, and in the house.
After spending 7 hours in a gas station parking lot, and sulking around an evacuation center with thousands of heartbroken families, my roommate, You Nara, and I were taken to see our neighborhood.
We initially wanted to believe that our home was safe, and I convinced myself it was, until I got a call from my best friend crying her eyes out, and saying to me, “I just drove passed your neighborhood, and everything is gone.”
I left that day with my school binders, about 3 outfits straight out of the dirty clothes hamper (because those were my favorite clothes), a bag of tortilla chips and a jar of peanut butter.
Although words can not express how heart broken I felt, how lost I felt, and how much I hate myself, had the fire not happened, I wouldn’t be WHO I am today. I wouldn’t be WHERE I am today. It’s a blessing, and it happened for a reason.
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