Oops, you did an ableism! // Ad [CC] 

I did my English speaking exam on ableism in the school system. I have a stammer and find it harder to speak. I GOT MARKED DOWN FOR STAMMERING IN AN EXAM WHERE I SPOKE ABOUT JOW RHE SCHOOL SYSTEM WAS FUCKED

It makes me think of when a guy told me that “if I had a healthier diet I wouldn’t have ADHD” 💀💀

Them: "You don't look sick to me." Me: "You don't look stupid to me, but we both learnt something new today."

That time Walmart wouldn’t hire me because they “already had one disabled person” working there.

You missed the 'id rather die than live like that' type off statements. I'd heard about them but was still a shock when I got told that myself

"Giraffes aren't real, they're just horses with neck problems". I spit out my coffee. I'm using that in everyday talk now.

I'm autistic, and people have told me that they can't believe I'm autistic because I'm "so well-spoken" and "pretty". Honestly, it just makes my eyes roll into the back of my head. I'm just really good at masking my autism, most of the time.

People need to distinguish between "I want to be labled as disabled or simply be disabled" and "I need to be designated as disabled legally to get the help I need to stay alive".

We need an “Oops you did an ableism” meme that people can send to ableist relatives and friends.

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with labeling yourself as disabled, I mean everybody’s a little bit autistic so just don’t let it define you!” Thanks Janet I’ll try to remember that when my autism only affects everything about me every single moment of my life

For me, the worst kind of ableism is being treated like I'm five years old

I have a personality disorder, a self-harm addiction and chronic pain. Some people tell me "But don't hurt yourself! That's bad!" Oh geez I didn't know, thank you. I do yoga, I eat as healthy as I can, that doesn't fix my chronic pain, my disorder, or anything else...it just helps. And it doesn't help everyone.

My favorite one is 'everyone is a little "insert mental disability here" '

"They're just horses with neck problems." I'm d e a d.

As the parent of a now-adult child on the autism (and ADHD) spectrum (and an adult child on the LGBTQIA spectrum), I can tell you parents get both sides of this, too. I've been told I'm inspiring for just doing the things you do to get through the day (Them: "You spent 3 hours helping your child with his homework? How inspiring!" Me: "Why? Don't you help your kids with their homework when they need it?" Them: "You cook different dishes for your kid? How amazing!" Me: "What? You've never wanted something other people in the family don't like, so made two dishes?") But I've also been told I'm somehow encouraging bad / immoral / lazy / whatever behavior for accommodating my kids and/or that it's somehow my "fault" that they are autistic / LGBTQIA. ("You cook different things for your autistic child? You shouldn't encourage that finicky behavior. You fix one meal and if they won't eat it, they can go hungry!" Me: "Yeah. My kid would literally starve if I didn't accommodate him.") It's just bizarre.

“You’re too pretty to be disabled”. If only someone could have let my body know that.

And don’t forget, you can be disabled yourself and still be ableist to others 😒

My favorite example of ableism is claiming that listening to audiobooks "doesn't count as real reading" - yeah, because there's only one way to read and you need to have good vision to do it.

From a mum of a "special" little dude "god only gives you what you can handle" or "god gives special children to special people" Are cause for me to scream!!

I hate the "but you don't look disabled". Not everyone with a disability has crutches/a wheelchair/missing limbs/etc. Please enlighten me how I should look.

This could be an amazing series! Oops you did a... (homophobia, sexism etc)

it made me so happy when sat in an English class explaining that my diabetes is caused by my pancreas no longer producing insulin, and being told frankly "just have a transplant" - like yes, out of the millions of diabetic people not one person has thought of that, thankyou random 15 year old for curing diabetes

This hit close to home. It never use to bother me as much but since I became a teacher it hurts so much more. Every time a coworker says something stupid towards my disabilities all I can think of is " if you view me that way as a fully functional adult with multiple university degrees how are you viewing the children you teach that are struggling." The hard thing is most of the comments are like you said not meant to be offensive and if you point them out you're seen as overly dramatic.

I recently had an appointment for my disability, and my SIL joined me for emotional support. But because she happens to be in a wheelchair and I'm not, everybody just assumed that the appointment was for her... I had to tell the person at the front desk three times that the appointment was for me.

As a bisexual person who was raised in a really religious house and community, I hate when they say they will pray for me. I don't even see them that much anymore but that sentence still gets me riled up in a second

I had an ableism situation TODAY. So I have a carer that helps me plan my week, my meals and do household chores because my autism and executive dysfunction (and chronic fatigue) make it really hard for me to do that on my own. I was just thinking how my carer made such a difference in my quality of life and a close family member literally asked me if I couldn't just "do it" myself.. Because they hated household chores too, but they still did them... Thanks. I feel bad for needing this service now. Why can't we just leave that kind of decision making about what help we need to the person themselves and the professionals that help them?

As a disabled person I still fall into the trap of finding “more disabled” people “inspiring”. There are so many things I find near impossible and seeing people who I feel like are “sicker” than me doing those things makes me feel really pathetic, like I just need to push myself more.

The ever present "just do yoga" when any chronic illness is mentioned

My “favorite” ableist commentary is around the fact that my med alert dog can’t be a service animal because she’s a small Jack Russell mix and be carried in my arms...🙄

Boundary violations: a couple of years ago I was in my wheelchair, shopping with a friend in her mobility scooter. A random man just walked up behind me, grabbed the handles of my chair and ran off with me! Absolutely no idea what he thought he was doing, but it was very strange. Fortunately, I was pretty mobile (using the chair because of pain not mobility) and so could get out of the situation easily. But imagine doing that to an absolute stranger who was clearly a vulnerable woman! The implications are terrifying, it could have be so much worse.

a pet peeve of mine is when others INSIST on calling ADHD a “superpower” instead of a “disability”. of course my ADHD affects my personality in ways that I love and in ways that make me who I am. a lot of my family members also have ADHD so we have a kick joking about it. but it’s not my superpower. it SUCKS.

I was so incredibly proud of my husband the other day. I have a physical disability. He's a nurse. He was managing his ward the other day and some new nurses on his ward were saying that a patients wife was his carer. My husband corrected them & said "no, first & foremost she is his wife". I was so proud! When I cook for him, I'm not his chef. When I go over his university assignments, I'm not his editor. When I talk to him about his day, I'm not his psychologist.

I am diagnosed with AS and when I tell people I always get the response 'I would never have guessed that' or 'you don't seem it', or something along those lines. I never realised that this was ableism but I would respond in my head 'Well yeah its called masking that's why girls are usually diagnosed later in life and I still do it to this day'

She's so clever it hurts, and yet, moves me to become a better person.

"Honestly, ADHD isn't even a disability. So many people have it..." Okay, do you??? No? Then I don't want to hear it. I got mad at this friend for saying that to me and she had the nerve to tell me "okay sorry honey, you're right, you ARE special". I don't want to be "special", I just don't want you to tell me that my disability doesn't make my life hard!!

The one I get the most often is when acquaintances find out that I have significant trouble waking up early, and they get very insistent that I can change that by setting an alarm clock to wake up early every day. Believe me, if an alarm clock could cure chronic pain from affecting me worst early in the morning, then I wouldn’t have to tell people that I can’t make a commitment early in the morning! I’m telling you that I can’t be somewhere at 6am because - drum roll, please - I physically can’t be there at 6am. Also, if you try to argue and tell me that you know I can be there if I really want to, I’m not going to magically change my mind, because arguing with me about my chronic pain also doesn’t cure my chronic pain.

I’m not disabled but I’m a black person and a lot of this remind me of the gross things I experience as a black human. The things people say about my life and experiences. Especially when they don’t think it’s insulting or rude and get pissed that you’re insulted.

You forgot to include “but if you try harder” I am a very calm person but them 5 words are a easy way for me to get nuclear mad.

A lot of employers have "we celebrate diversity" on their websites, some even specifically mentioning disabilities, but do they actually hire disabled people?

I always get the following: "oh you are too young to be using a cane" "oh but you look healthy" "omg you have to use a cane sometimes? you don't really need that then do you?" "Why can't you exercise and lose weight like everyone else, you will get better if you just do that." well cause I have arthritis, EDS and hip dysplasia and I also have an intolerance to crappy, insensitive advice from someone who isn't my doctor lol

I’m disabled and I struggle with being heard/acknowledged while not having my entire identity be my disability. I’ve learned that I’ve been internalizing ableism and that a lot of my negative self talk is a result of that. I don’t want people to be dismissive of my pain and yet I also don’t want my disability to be the only thing people see.

I had a friend in High School who told my whole year that I was lazy and couldn’t be bothered to go to school. When I reality I was suffering from severe chronic fatigue and couldn’t leave my bed most days... safe to say she isn’t my friend anymore 😅😂

Can someone send this video to Sia? Also today I found out I have passed my master's degree in autism.....I am autistic, I now have the best come back when people say: 'you don't look autistic, are you sure you are?' ahm... Yes I was diagnosed by psychologists and I have a master's degree in autism, I really I am sure.

When my mom and I went to the salon to get our hair done, my mom was talking to her stylist about me. She used the word "disabled" and the stylist stopped her and gave her a lecture on how, "You, as a MOTHER, need to stop calling your child DISABLED. You're limiting your child and telling her she can't do things!" ...Janet. My mom was literally expressing concern over the fact that I was having trouble standing for an extended period of time trying to pay for our hair services. I was on the verge of passing out and they wouldn't let me leave the counter to sit while they worked out their computer issues. At least my mom and I had a good chuckle about it on the way home.

My least favorite one: "If you lost some weight, you would be in less pain/you would be able to breathe better/your knees would work again!" Fun fact: My knee problems started because I grew wrong, not because of my size. I weighed less than 110 pounds when I had my first surgery in the 80's. A lot of the weight I carry is from the six knee surgeries in five years I survived a couple of decades ago. My asthma started when I was a kid too. I don't understand why people feel they can make such comments if they don't know the whole story!

My most hated ableism is "you should do yoga". Yes that would be great, if only I could.

For a long time, my sleeping problemes were a huge part of my disability, and had a hard impact in my life, but people were like : "did you try to excercise ?" "You should listen to waves sounds, it really helps me" "you know, you should sleep 8 hours, otherwise it's normal to me tired" That's so frustrating and even a little insulting that people thinks that you almost can't do anything in your day but you didn't try to do some sport, I think a lot of eople can relate

I always hate when hearing people say “I couldn’t stand being Deaf, I’d just die!” And my Deaf ass who’s had hearing loss since 4 years old and is a grown ass adult is just like “gee....thanks. I clearly thought about that option! But I think ASL worked out just fine for me!”

The "At least you still look great" line happens to me a LOT. My coping mechanism for everything about my condition is jokes so of course my response is "Oh yeah, the bright side of the joint degeneration & bonkers constant pain is that I basically quit aging at 25 & can't gain weight to save my life." The whole unsolicited exercise & such advice I just look at them & say "Wow. You just heard about my condition for the first time & already know more than my doctors? That's super impressive..." then maintain deeply uncomfortable eye contact until they apologize or leave.

I had to ask for help today from a strange in reading a sign. She responded with "can't you just read that?" "Well.. no, that's why I asked if you could tell me what it says." Just because I can walk on my own, without bumbing into buildings (they are rather large, and therefor quite visible even when you can barely see) doesn't mean I can read an itty-bitty sign by the ceiling.

Disabled is not a swear word! No I'm not lazy No "going for a walk evry day" will not help and it could make me worse. No i don't like attention. Yes i can walk but i still need the chair.

Videos like these really help me- an abled bodied person, who's never had to deal with disability with friends and family, and who also grew up in a country where disability was hush hush. Thank you, because I need more education!

The world will be a better place if we were taught this in school .

all rude people ever: oops, silly me i'll try harder, jessica, i swear *immediately spews hate on twitter*

The worst thing for me is having to accept "kindness" from people who decide, just by looking at me, that I have a disability (plot twist: I don't). Me: "No thanks, I can perfectly open my own bag of chips" Hostess on a plane, exhibiting a condescending smile and opening the bag of chips for me *anyway*: "Ah, but I do it with pleasure!" Me, feeling humiliated: It's not my job to explain to you why what you just did is irrespectful, so I just ask you for a new unopened bag of chips, as everyone else." Hostess: "You people are so rude, one can't do a kind gesture for anyone!" Forcing your "unrequited kindness" on someone else is not kindness, people. Whether there is a real disability or one that you perceive (using your limited judgment) as such. A good rule of thumb is always the good old "would I do/say this to myself, or to someone that *I* perceive as "able"? No? Then don't do it to anyone else.

Me: *knows I adore Jessica, she's gorgeous with perfect makeup, dresses the way I want to dress, makes loud and proud educational videos, what I want to be when I grow up* Jessica: I love the fast and furious franchise Me: *explodes with adoration*

"Um actually, they prefer being called (some bullshit), disabled is offensiveeee" - ableds 24/7 not knowing I'm disabled

For me, I hate it the most when people around me assume they know what I can and can't do. Like, if I came to audition for a role in an opera, trust and believe that I know my body can handle the way that production is going to work. I've studied the rehearsal schedule and the demands of the opera itself, and if I didn't think it was doable for my body, I would not have come to audition in the first place! What's worse, they then often make that decision without talking to me about it. I am absolutely, completely happy to be asked if I'm up to the particular demands of a particularly rigorous rehearsal schedule or acrobatic staging or something that wasn't mentioned in the audition listing, though! People assuming they know better - without asking me! - is plain infantilization. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk~

“We’re not a lump of people”. This. True across so many “isms” as well.

Jessica is the reason I accepted the fact that wearing hearing aids means I have a disability and I can raise my hand when I need help (like closed captioning on work videos)

the fact we've been socially constructed to have any kind of norms that literally do not make sense is ridiculous. Like people are taught that a certain way is "normal" when what we're disregarding is actually a majority of people, or the norm may just not be true at all. like society explain???

Another show to check out is "Speechless" about a non verbal boy with cerebral palsi, played by a guy with serebral palsi, as he goes to high-school and establishes his independence. It also reflects really well on the impact of having a disabled loved one has on the rest of the family (helped by the fact that the guy who wrote and directed the series has a disabled brother). It's funny and wonderful. So recommend

The cringe of "I hope you get well soon" when you are likely never going to be well.

The thing I'm most tired of is " I did it, you can too" uhh, no I can't? Thats the whole point of me saying I'm struggling?

being called disabled isn't a bad thing for me, it's just accurate. (This is about the bit where her foil comments 'I don't think of you as disabled' 'you don't look sick' etc. *edited for clarification)

"There're just horses with neck problems!" As somebody whose ADHD was dismissed as "bad behaviour" for ages, this made me laugh and cry at the same time. I love you, Jessica!

Also while we are here, mental disability is a thing, and just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I may look fine in public but it takes a lot out of me mentally, and depending on what I'm doing might come home and just lay in bed for the rest of the day because I'm tired. So don't get mad at me when I can't just get up and do things.

Hmm yes I have seen 2 different types of ableism: 1. Regular ableism where they have the mindset of pull yourself up, and 2. That type of ableism where they treat you like a child or lesser than what you are in personality, I treat them both the same

Can i say you've been a huge influence in coming to terms with the fact that I'll always be disabled, tysm😘😘

Thank you, Jessica! This reminds me of the time my boyfriend asked for any possible accommodations due to my epilepsy for his senior prom. After he found out there would be scrobe lights. The organizers response was, "can't she just wear sunglasses?" They didn't understand what they had said was hurtful. 4 years later and still I'm angry.

Despite my mum being pretty sure I was autistic, she didn't want to get me diagnosed as she knew people would just see the label. When I did get diagnosed to get extra time in my GCSE exams, one of my teachers, after being told, started talking to me at the parents evening like I was a toddler. And the amount of teachers who gave me feedback along the lines of "great work but minimal effort", or "you'll do great, you just need to put more time into your work" was so frustrating, especially when I was putting most of my time and effort into it. I'm intelligent and they understood that, but they never could seem to understand I have one speed and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.

I have ADHD and I have gotten rude comments about my school work and my messy room. Also, people will tell me “your music is really good for a kid with ADHD” and it bugs me that they HAD to add the “for a person with ADHD” part.

I related so hard on the whole shielding thing . I have been shielding for over a year going stir crazy while my social circle keep living their life normally and lecture me on overdoing it !

Amen Jessica! Propensity to dislocations, everywhere, and exercise? NOT a great combination! As someone with Marfan Syndrome, I face it every day! I love it too when people (doctors!) say "You don't (or look like you don't) have Marfan Syndrome just because I don't have what some people stereotypically consider people with Marfan do/should look like "Tall and very thin". I am tall-ish (5"8") but did not get the very thin part but I DO have Marfan Syndrome. My son is 7'4" and when he was young, a woman came up to pray for him because he was so "different" than his peers. Grrr.

As someone who's had to sleep in a separate room to their husband this entire pandemic, I'm forwarding this to everyone I see say "covid just causes the flu" #vulnerabledoesn'tmeaninvaluable

"your mobility aids are ugly" then make me some pretty ones, JANET

I'm quite sure laziness doesn't exist. I've only ever seen it used to justify some kinda tosh lol.

"why are you in a wheelchair, you can walk" "why are you so heavy" "uhhh... I have severe POTS and can't stand for more than 15 minutes"

"In the dark"is such a good show. It follow a blind women trying to solve crime and face the ableism of people not believing her the actress isn't blind but another important character is

Thanks for adding the covid comment. I laughed so hard. My disability is invisible just like my queerness, so I get to hear what people really think silently. It's really fascinating how comfortable they are with the elderly and disabled dying off. A grocery store clerk tells me "the survival of the fittest right? Why should I have to wear a mask. Death is natural." I considered giving him a natural death. I am convinced that encouraging people with active covid to go back to work and go out and about is my government's new long-term care strategy. It is also NEW workplace barrier. Now I just stay home and work on new degrees. Figure out how to work online.

Hey, sometimes they don't even ask if they can pray for you. You'll just be out shopping, minding your own business, when out of nowhere, a hand grabs you and the public, audible praying begins.

"and some of their life's are ✨ truly inspirational ✨" Oh lord

When you mentioned the exercise routine that would "cure everything", I thought you would mention essential oils. I swear roughly half (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but only a little bit) of all suburban moms tell everyone they come into contact with that they have the perfect essential oil that will cure whatever condition the disabled person might have, even if they had never heard of the condition before meeting said disabled person. Very few things make me want to scream at someone as much as when people try to sell essential oils as a "cure-all". And you're absolutely correct about the whole "Covid isn't a big deal because it's only dangerous for the elderly and disabled" write-off. First of all, that statement isn't true - I have a friend who got covid who was previously young and healthy, no health conditions, and while she did survive, she is disabled now (it caused her to develop POTS and debilitating fatigue). Secondly, when you say that, you're essentially saying that our (those of us with conditions that do put us at increased risk) lives don't matter. It's about as ablest as you can get.

"Oh you should eat this, and not eat that!" "You realize that makes acid in your body, and that causes it?" "That's just an allergy thing." I hate that I relate to this so much.

I work at a grocery store, which is generally fast pace. I have a slow processing which affects every part of my life, and when I tell people that, they think I chose to be slow, because they can't see what is holding me back. Like, that I love that I inconvenience everyone. But when someone has a surgery, or that they can see for themselves that something psychical is holding them back, they are far more understanding. Meanwhile, I get looks, comments, "helpful" advice, and so on, all because my disabilities aren't visible.

One thing I have indirect experience of is hospital staff not talking to the patient, who is fully able to speak for themself, and instead speaking to me, the assisted living guy who has no answers and is just helping with bridging my employers physical issues.

"Oh yes I've seen [insert biased documentary here] you should try [insert magic cure here]?

I am not disabled, I do however have severe cptsd and suffered from severe depression for a long time. I love these videos, as I get a lot of those or similar comments. My favourite one is : "just leave it behind you and be positive! I don't want to see you like this" (when I'm not feeling well)

The 'I don't think of you as disabled.' Really gets me. 'Cause I have ASD and my dad has said this to me and it really hurts because I can't even explain to him how this statement is more hurtful than he realises. I KNOW he means something along the lines of 'I just think of you as you. I don't think about your ASD.' And it's hard to articulate to him that it's hurtful. Like it doesn't acknowledge that its a part of me. Mainly because I admit I'm not comfortable bringing it up to him. Especially since i'm afraif that he'll try and claim that I'm using it as an excuse when I get in arguments with him. Like, once not too long after I got diagnosed we got in an argument and he basically tried to frame it in the heat of the moment like I was acting like some sort of... fake criminal using my autism as an excuse when I hadn't even MENTIONED it. He was the one who brought it up. It's more painful to hear the microaggressions when they come from family. At the very least you can brush off a stranger. Cant be done with family. Also, many are quick to deny that we are an ableist country just because it's not the worst and that we do have laws against it. But just because Ableism isn't as blatant and there are some laws against it doesnt meant it doesn't happen or that there isn't a systemic problem with it. There are laws against racism and homophobia. Doesn't stop those things from happening.

How many times I heard “oh but you don’t act like a person with autism” Well tell me how a person with autism acts please so I can correct myself

When the captions said “she lip breeds” instead of “she lip reads” I almost died 💀 😂

I’m so glad you mentioned about uni dorms - I’ve been at uni and am now at home due to lockdown and people having parties are awful and it’s still happening!!! I am struggling as an able bodied person who’s been in all of the various lockdowns I can’t imagine how it is for people who’ve been shielding for so long

Your channel has really made me aware of how rarely I see stories about disability told by disabled people themselves instead of in the standard "look at this disabled person being inspiring!" way. It's so refreshing to see you tell your own story and share your interests that actually go beyond being disabled (apparently a shocking concept to some people). Also I love your hair😍

It makes me so happy to see you using your platform in this way and advocating for good! 💙💚❤💜💛 I get the "You don't look sick" all the time and its infuriating. It's as if they think I should pull out my diseased kidney and wear it on my sleeve so that I can "prove" my illness to perfect strangers.

I'm so glad even religious people get annoyed by the "Can I pray for you?" I particularly love it when I'm in a public restroom vomiting and someone says this under the stall...

Editing/ acting/ costuming is so good in this video! You're approaching contrapoints production levels here. And thank you for the content, super important to hear this from your perspective.

another show with good rep is "Speechless" a family sitcom where one of the kids happen to have CP played by an actor with CP. and the writer/creator based a lot of the show and stories off living with a brother with CP so its great

Honestly the "Disabled friend " one is literally my mom. She brings up my disability to everyone.

I don't need to go back and watch your old videos because I've already seen them... three times. Love you Jessica!! THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO ON THE INTERNET 🥰🥰🥰🥰

I love how you do sketches, it makes the subject your talking about so fun to watch! You are amazing at making informative content that is easy to absorb!! xx