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opening up about my recent hospital admission | a raw update | what's in my safety box

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TRIGGER WARNING: although I do not mention any numerical information or graphic details, this video covers some sensitive topics and may not be suitable for all of you watching. please consider watching one of my other videos instead!
I have gotten so many questions regarding my hospital stay over the last few weeks so I felt like it was finally time to talk about my experience. I would just like to say thank you so much to every single one of you for your continued support. I wouldn't have been able to get through the past few weeks if it hadn't of been for you. I love you all xxxxxxxx
time stamps:
1:32 some context regarding my mental health
2:40 what happened before/ during my admission
10:01 my safety box
13:00 what I have learnt
14:42 an update
~hi! my name is millie, im 15 years old and in recovery from anorexia. thankyou so much for following along with my journey! my instagram and tiktok are linked further down~
if you dont like what I upload, please dont upset yourself by watching it! lets keep the comment section a safe, positive, motivating, NON-TRIGGERING place it's cool to be kind
let me know any questions you have, or any future videos you'd like to see- im planning on uploading every Monday because Mondays are gross and at least this will be one thing to look forward to!
HELPLINES:
UK:
samaritans: call 116 123 ( free 24 hours)
shout: text 85258 (free 24 hours)
beat (for EDs): 0808 801 0677
USA: 1-800-273-TALK(8255)
germany: 0800 1110 222
ireland: 1850 60 90 90
australia: 1-800-273-8255
please comment any other useful helplines xxxx
PLEASE SIGN THIS: chng.it/VQxL76s...
tiktok: _.therealrapunzel vm.tiktok.com/...
instagram: __therealrapunzel / __therealrapunz...
Music by Zachary Friederich - Little Ray Of Sun (Instrumental) - thmatc.co/?l=C...

Опубликовано:

2 май 2021

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Комментарии : 122

@stareyedstudygirl 3 года назад

i'm so glad you're still here. you're so loved and you honestly mean so much to so many people

@apollotony3741 3 года назад

a trick : watch movies at InstaFlixxer. I've been using them for watching lots of of movies these days.

@castielgregory4915 3 года назад

@Apollo Tony Yup, have been using InstaFlixxer for since december myself =)

@gracemurray751 3 года назад

I am so proud of you, I don’t think you realize how much your helping others. I’m so glad u are still with us

@amelia-rosechambers6976 3 года назад

Hi Millie, I have a younger sister with BPD. She is 23 and I am 27. She waited until it had been far too long to open up about the trauma in her past. Unfortunately shes been down a self destructive and sad path for a few years now. No one can tell you when the right time to seek help for your past is, but the sooner the better. Im so proud of you for speaking up and fighting for your happiness! Please keep your family close, they seem supportive and thats exactly what you need. Your doing an amazing job and you have such a strong spirit, shine bright!✨

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

hi, thankyou so much xxxx

@ilonaeronen8477 3 года назад

Im so proud of you for holding on, you have helped so many people, and shinr such a positivr light on people around you! Thank you for being here

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much, I love you xxx

@lauraelizabeth541 3 года назад

I was with someone for 3 years and had two children (now raising alone) with them. And they were abusive, mainly mentally but physically too on occasion. It was 5 years ago and I’ve never had any therapy, I wish I could, and it’s something I want to get help with, I have ptsd and an Ed, also depression and anxiety. Life is hard but I try and keep strong. You’re a sweet angel and I’m so glad you got to address your past, and then go to wales with your fam! My gaydar is platinum, I just had a feeling you were a lady lover 🤭🤷🏻‍♀️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

@smileyourebeautiful9613 3 года назад

sending all my love !! 💓💓 you’re such a kind soul x

@lauraelizabeth541 3 года назад

@@smileyourebeautiful9613 💝 thank you 😊 I try xox

@morgannickel6047 3 года назад

I desperately want you to know there is no judgement from this side of the screen-only gratitude that you have the courage to share your story and struggles for those who want to understand they are not alone. Sending lots of love, 💙🥰.

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so so much, this means a lot xxx

@theakillackywheeler5614 3 года назад

thank you for being here

@lulur.7611 3 года назад

Questions: 1. What was the book title? 2. When can we meet your girlfriend?

@minalovis 3 года назад

such an amazing coincidence that just yesterday i just randomly thought about making a box with all my favorite things and then today you post this video and i learn those boxes are an actual thing. i am already excited to build one up these upcoming weeks. i am so happy i found your channel because it makes me feel so good inside. it's very rare that "recovery channels" (i don't want to reduce your channel to just this, you can do whatever you would love to do with your channel) don't trigger me, and yours just is...so...realistic and accurate and considerate and comforting... feel hugged ❤️ (also everyone else reading this and needing a good hug

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

ahhh this means the world to me, thankyou so much xxx

@ridsmorgan2145 3 года назад

This is the first time that I have commented on You Tube; I have been waiting for some very brave individual to open up about why mental health symptoms appear. Eating disorders, self harm, suicidal thoughts/tendencies are all unhealthy coping mechanisms, disguising the real issues, at stake. Millie, I am SO proud of you. I know, first-hand, what it's like to pretend. Only until a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't believe why I had PTSD for so long. I had anorexia for twenty years and could never figure out why I went onto have anxiety and PTSD for ten years. I have walked away from toxic relationships; I feel a new person. What you are doing, aged 15, is amazing. Your bravery, guts and courage is awesome. Thank you, thank you.

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

awww thankyou so so much. im really sorry that you have been through all of that, you didn't deserve any of it

@november8994 3 года назад

i am so proud of you. you help so many people, and you have made so many people happy. you're probably one of my biggest role models. thank you for being so incredible. you can do this

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

wow thankyou so much, this means the world to me xxx

@marieburkhead5272 3 года назад

I'm truly grateful that you're still here ❤ It's SO hard to deal with trauma, especially as a young woman so I'm super proud of you for opening up about your traumatic relationship.. There are some truly awful people in this world and I'm so sorry that you were with one in the past and am super thankful that you're out of it now. Huge hugs to you lovely!! You have such a beautiful soul! Please reach out to us if you need extra support ❤ I believe all things happen for a reason too. Our trials give us future strength. You can definitely come back from ANYTHING...stay strong!!

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@leoniegruendemann4289 3 года назад

Thank you for existing! And every time you feel down just think about the farm we are going to build up!!!❤️

@katie1546 3 года назад

you’re so strong girlie! i love you gorgeous💕

@avrilcabral7112 3 года назад

the strong you have omg, it’s so admirable, thank you for everything darling 💘

@smile-eq4fk 3 года назад

I am so proud of you for sharing this and everything that you have been going through. Dealing with these thoughts and emotions is so hard and you are so strong! Your courage is infectious and you are such a positive light in a dark time. I look forward to all your videos because I love watching you grow. Sending love from California

@lucie5523 3 года назад

omg millie you don’t realize how much you helped me through my recovery! i’m so glad you’re still here you really deserve the entire world... thank you just thank you

@smileyourebeautiful9613 3 года назад

you’re an actual angel my love 💓💓 you always make me smile !! we’re always here for you. always. x

@latinasawntop 3 года назад

I love you darling and I’m so proud of you! It wasn’t recently but in 2018 I was in the lowest part of my life.. I had no friends and was struggling a ton with school which quite literally gave my mental health a downfall. I self harmed a lot and thankfully I never went any further. I also did it a few times around September/October time of 2020 after my mum and dad splitting up. It was difficult but I am now currently in a really good headspace and hope it stays that way

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much for this comment, I think it will help a lot of people xxx

@sammyjane3671 3 года назад

You are so so strong and you should be so proud of yourself - not just for your fighting to get through the hard times like this recent one but also of how well you've made videos including this one in such a mature and helpful way for other people, I literally don't think you could've done a better job at how you spoke about the topic!

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

aww thankyou so much xxx

@Houseplant.Hobbyist_ 3 года назад

You’re so strong! I’m 24 now and when I was a teenager myself I was with CAMHS and struggled with a few similar things that you have spoken about. There was a question at the time whether my problem was also BPD and I ended up going into DBT therapy through CAMHS to help with emotional regulation. I guess I’m telling you this because here I am about 8-10 years later and I’m doing the best I’ve ever done in my life. You’re so inspiring to be talking about this online and I’m super proud of you 😌😌😌

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@millie95 3 года назад

TW: slight mention of hospitalisation and calories Thank you so much for just being alive, if you ever have those thoughts just try to remeber that you are helping so many people in your recovery, including you! If you ever need to talk about anything but you are worried about friends and family not understanding message Eds, when I was admitted to hospital the first night I was there (the worst night of my life) I was asked what I wanted for a evening snack and a nurse said 'we've got some cake thats definitely over 300 calories if you want that' which was probably the worst thing she could have said, the next day another nurse said 'do you realise how many calories your meal plan is, its loads'. I understand that it is a general ward but I think that the NHS need to work on training staff to be ready for all sorts of patients and to know what to say to someone with an ED

@Katsnare 3 года назад

Oh.my.gosh. I am so sorry you had to experience that!! It’s so freaking frustrating how little the medical field and just society in general knows about eating disorders. uGH

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

omg I am so sorry you went through this. I went through a similar thing :( medical professionals just have zero idea of what to say/ how to act around ed sufferers and to be honest its dangerous

@shrutimehta3597 3 года назад

I'm so sorry you had to experience that, the NHS really need to train the staff to speak to all kinds of patients because those comments are so triggering. When I was on a general ward, my 1:1 literally told me she wanted to do what I do (aka restrict/ starve myself) and that she couldn't wait until she looked like me, which made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me and I felt like what I was doing was fine, which was not the case. I was also told over and over to "just eat" and "why did you not eat if you knew you would end up in hospital". They say some terrible things and it can be so triggering, and they need much better training, it's so frustrating.

@millie95 3 года назад

@@shrutimehta3597 thats so terrible, it would be slightly less awful if it was just one comment to one person but the fact so many ED sufferers have experienced the same things and basic training isn't put in place is shocking. It can be the same with CAMHS teams too, my 1:1 camhs worker was very unprofessional, she gave up and threatened to put me in hospital where I would die instead of trying to understand what I was going through and she was meant to be an ED specialist. I think all of us that have suffered / suffering from EDs need to come together and raise awareness of these issues because maybe we will be able to help others in the future and save people from relapses or triggers

@shrutimehta3597 3 года назад

@@millie95 I'm so sorry to hear that! Luckily my camhs person is quite nice and hasn't said anything to really trigger me which I'm really grateful for since a lot of people havent had good experiences. We really need to raise more awareness about eating disorders as especially when in hospital, you're extremely vulnerable and any potentially triggering comment could be life threatening. Also your therapist/ ed specialist person should be able to help you since they've literally been TRAINED to do so so I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience xx

@maiamichelis8201 3 года назад

Im so happy you are still here Millie❤

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

aww thankyou so so much xxx

@ellaa1052 3 года назад

I have literally been/am in a very very similar situation and it's amazing to see you be so honest it gives me hope

@alexaelizabeth7393 3 года назад

Thank you for being so venerable, the world is a better place with you in it!

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@ednahamulic6764 3 года назад

I'm so glad you're still here, with us ❤ take time, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm and will be here for you! Thank you for being the biggest inspiration on here 💜

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@alicemabel8936 3 года назад

i don't tend to comment on youtube, but i felt i had to just tell you how incredibly grateful i feel to have come across your social media platforms when i did. i struggle with anorexia too, alongside depression and anxiety, and watching your content has made me feel so seen and understood in a way i didn't think was possible. that you are able to be so vulnerable and open with your journey is a blessing to all of us who follow you, and i am beyond glad that your attempt didn't work because you would be so sorely missed. you're a true ray of sunshine, millie, and i wish you all the absolute best for the coming days and weeks

@azukichiu 3 года назад

stay strong ❤️

@SincertyPatrick 3 года назад

It amazes me how even, young people, can be mean, abusives to their partners. It kinda left you feeling hopeless and lonely, like you'll neber be able to find someone. Im glad you are okey, here, and realising that somethings are not your fault.

@chris-en9xe 3 года назад

You will definitely get better, I’m so proud of you and glad you’re still here

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@ninadyson2371 3 года назад

I'm so proud of you for being so strong! Please carry on getting better, you are an incredible person and I love you loads and want you to get better with as much support as you need. You are strong and beautiful and powerful This is for anyone who is struggling with anything at all.

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much, I love you xxx

@katiepeterson2306 3 года назад

You're right, you can ALWAYS come back from the deep end, as long as you don't dive off the deep end. We all hit a rock bottom, but it's how we come back from it that determines how our lives will follow. Keep going strong. I'm SI recovered for oh wow... 10 years now, actually. I went to hospital because of it back when I was 16. To anyone who needs it, just keep fighting. Keep going.

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@bex4398 3 года назад

im so glad you are doing better now, i am so sorry that things got so hard for you. please keep challenging the thoughts

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much, I will! xxx

@zseliciaverhaagen5111 3 года назад

I am so proud of you! I'm so glad you are still here you are such a kind/amazing person! ❤️ Pls every time open up to someone if you have a problem! ❤️

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@lucyhesford4238 3 года назад

so proud of you for opening up!! you inspire so manyy

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@toniteeny1234 3 года назад

You are so brave for putting this out there. Thank you for you genuine honesty. Keep fighting and better days will come. Xx

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@lottielives9375 3 года назад

I just wanted to say for your own reassurance you tackled the topic in the most sensitive and thoughtful way. Your truely a beautiful spirit. Ive been where you are sweetie with the dark thoughts and emotional instability it is a learning process but Ive had emotional regulation and distress tolerance in a unit I went too and they will help you especially when it comes to understanding emotions. If you are having to wait a long time for therapy there are some good Distress Tolerance and ER books you can get online I know its not the same as in person but its a start, sending so much love sweetie and I honestly want to say you have so much insight and wisdom for your age 🌻

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much for this comment, ill definitely have a look at those books xxx

@kikarecovery329 3 года назад

I'm so proud that you are choosing recovery! You're amazing! Keep fighting 💕

@craigtrigg4288 3 года назад

im glad your getting better , very good video you take good care of yourself

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@andreah1418 2 года назад

i have never resonated with someone else’s story as much as yours. i no longer feel as alone as i did prior to watching this video, i too suffered from depression & sh along with an eating disorder currently as a result of an abusive relationship. thank you for sharing your story you strong beautiful soul !

@janevevidthyah307 3 года назад

thanks for sharing your experience Millie! It really helps those who might be going inpatient :')

@harmonyhope1709 3 года назад

Thank you so much for this very honest and raw video. Must have been really difficult to talk about and film. Sounds like you've been through a really difficult time.... Bless you. Glad you're back out of hospital now and feeling a bit stronger...... It's so difficult to get support from the relevant services which is such a great shame.... So many of us are just left to struggle but well done for opening up to the crisis team. It's a great starting point in dealing with the root cause of the eating disorder..... That's crucial for recovery really along with the weight and food restoration. I hope your little holiday helped you to find enjoyment in life again and a bit of peace. You really can do this, you're doing all of the right things by talking to people about your struggles. Take care lovely xxx you got this 💪❤️ Love your safety box.... I have my own. They are a fab tool for calming yourself down and helping you to feel safe ❤️

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@harmonyhope1709 3 года назад

@@__therealrapunzel xxx

@sophiem3375 3 года назад

please keep fighting Millie, the world has so much in store for you and I can't wait for you to experience it x

@LucyyWritesVlogs 3 года назад

I’m so proud of you. Such a intelligent and strong lady 💪🏻💓

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@JustJaclyn 3 года назад

Your mum is amazing for speaking up. We're proud of you and your progress! I'm glad you're okay

@isisnickson8631 3 года назад

you're doing so well! I've been in a similar situation and it does get better

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@skyenicodemus1156 3 года назад

What an absolutely beautiful, amazing, and stunning girl, so strong and impactful to so many people. I wish you lots of love and strength❤️

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxxx

@randomperson3985 3 года назад

I can relate very much to your thoughts about your eating and how it can change so fast. I also went from eating ok and challenging myself and feeling ok to having suicidal thoughts and not eating well in like a couple of days. And hopefully I will get over it as soon as well, I believe so :)

@ultravioletarcher 3 года назад

here's to celebrating non-linear growth! blessings to you

@annasanchez4428 3 года назад

you are so strong for opening up about this. i love how positive you keep everything because it lifts the rest of us up. you are amazing and so inspirational, you make me so happy and feel like i ca do anything. keep doing what you are doing you brave, brave girl. you got this

@deyaniraramos1396 3 года назад

Aaawww...Millie, I'm sooo sorry I haven't had watched and commented yet on this video at the time you were admitted to and released from the hospital but I'm sorry very touched that you shared your experience at the hospital, to me at least, those times are hard and very...mind blowing...but I'm sooo happy to know that you've been doing quite better since then and the fact that you have created this safety box to help you through those difficult scary times. I'm also sooo glad that you were okay that Friday night you attempted. That's sooo understandable, at least to me, I've been experiencing these kind of things (hard depression, trauma, PTSD hard recently...) hurting yourself is not worth it, you leaving would be devastating....it's not fair for you, not for your love ones, not for us. I can't imagine this world without you around. Your truly beautiful, amazing, inspiring, creative, intelligent, sweet, funny, a great friend and more...I selfishly want you here. But yea. Thank you so much for sharing this, I know it took some courage but it surely helped me, it brings me closer to know you. Love you loads Millie 🤗🌄🥊🕊️🖤🥺😎❣️📚🆓☮️

@nikkifahey 3 года назад

This was amazing. I hope you get help sooner than you think. I love the box idea

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

aww thankyou so much xxx

@nadiahennelly7410 3 года назад

Today I challenged a totally irrational fear food with an ed team member, which I never thought i would eat again. This only reason I was motivated or inspired to do so was because of your channel, I can't ever thank you enough for your positivity and inspiration, but also for keeping it real. Please keep going you are so much stronger than you think, SO much big love

@Valentina-bw2kf 3 года назад

i'm sending so much power to u and everyone reading this, u can do this!!

@Pluto-tj9mq 3 года назад

Omigosh this is so similar to my experience. I tried to commit The Deed several times in ED hospital and I’m so so so glad we both stuck through , you absolute warrior ♥️

@arabellahayman7664 3 года назад

So proud! You should feel really lucky you had such an amazing hospital team! Most just dismiss you at A&E well defo for my area

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

im so sorry to hear that xxx

@user-eh6tm5jv9p 3 года назад

my fav youtuber posted 🥺 you’re honestly such a huge inspiration for a lot of people including me, please keep going beautiful

@notpaw 3 года назад

I'm so proud of you, you can do this!

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@nataliepaige13 3 года назад

So strong💗 should be so proud of yourself. I'm so grateful for your videos and posts. Take your time and keep safe x

@xXHarleyMaeMcAfeeXx 3 года назад

Just want to give a heads up that bpd can also end up diagnosed or thought to be the problem when it’s actually autism, which presents itself very differently in women and is usually overlooked for that reason as they use symptoms men exhibit for diagnosing, and women tend to be better at masking their symptoms. Not saying that is definitely the case for you, like you could end up having bpd diagnosed in future when personality has developed more, but I just think it’s worthwhile mentioning, especially considering rates of anorexia specifically are much higher amongst women with ASD. I got diagnosed with bpd from camhs around 2016, they screened for autism and completely missed it despite being there since 2012 until 2017. I only ended up finding out I have asd as well after living with my dad for year whose partner is an nhs psychiatrist... I’d recommend checking out videos on RU-vid made by women with asd just to get more perspective. The art of autism website has a “females and autism / Asperger: a checklist” page as well which is very useful for all the ways autism can present itself in women

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thank you so much for this comment, i really appreciate it! i am in no way going to try and self diagnose myself with anything, but i’ll definitely have a look at those videos xxxxx

@xXHarleyMaeMcAfeeXx 3 года назад

@@__therealrapunzel it’s okay :) and yeah not for self diagnosis as any diagnosis so core to a person definitely needs outside perspectives, but always good to know of things that can present itself similarly. I certainly would have benefited knowing of both anyway haha. Good luck with your recovery

@familyrudihaugen5084 3 года назад

Thank u I just want to give u a hug! Hope you also have control of your self harming. Keep working forward!! :)

@candiceyoung8244 3 года назад

God bless you sweetheart. I hope you continue to get and stay healthy ❤

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

thankyou so much xxx

@candiceyoung8244 3 года назад

@@__therealrapunzel you're very welcome sweetie 💕

@chipotlecholula 3 года назад

im so glad youre still here ♥️

@heywilla 3 года назад

i am in SUCH a similar place thanks for sharing

@__therealrapunzel 3 года назад

im so sorry to hear that, you will get through this xxx

@mimix163 3 года назад

I loved the video pls make moree!!!!

@evathekid7369 3 года назад

Thanks for sharing, you’re so strong 💕

@87654321j 2 года назад

Can't believe your 15 I thought you were like 21 and at college your so amazing and mature 😊

@justagirl1857 3 года назад

I have been inpatient for over 2 years and I didn’t have great experiences.. :(

@kyraraphetmeeng9410 3 года назад

this video really helped me :) thank you sm

@incognitooooooooooooo123spy 3 года назад

keep fighting you got this

@Sam-if4ue 3 года назад

Keep fighting 💕

@anaburnett5547 3 года назад

I love your nose piercing! It really suits you💗

@bellaadams4540 3 года назад

hey millie have u struggled with binge eating? xxxxx

@harmonyhope1709 2 года назад

So brave to make this video ♥️💪

@jamidodger328 2 года назад

If you feel you need support with your mh, you can go on the nhs website and phone your local crisis line, it saved my life.

@ciarabella__ 3 года назад

❤️

@suzannalouise2904 2 года назад

If you don't mind me saying I picked up on many videos ago that you had BPD because I also have it as well as diagnosed in 2013.... It took a weight off my shoulder from a lot of things..... because I knew I was the bad person my..... It started when my ex ex made me out to be it a created me realise what she really was.... All I can say is lock up your dogs and cats because shell fuck anything with a pulse 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣