Opposites No Longer Attract: How Narcissism Corrupts Mate Selection 

63 years of life experience tell me that opposites may attract, but couples with a lot of similarities can stand the test of time. Assuming one of them isn't a covert narcissist of course - eventually the mask will crack

Man his commentary cuts straight to the point, amazing analysis. It definitely does explain alot of what we see in society today.

Another way of looking at opposite circadian rhythm attraction is from a evolutionary perspective: If you and your wife live in a cave, it’s best to have as few hours as possible where both of you are asleep at the same time to maximize amount of time someone stays on watch for predators.

This reminds me of the '90s(?) film High Fidelity: what matters is what you *like*, not what you *are like*.

"British adults is an oxymoron .... " (Sam) Lol ! 😂 Greetings from the UK Sam !

I want to say I'm sadly agreeing with every word you have spoken Sir. Thanks for sharing

This man is a genius! I love his wisdom!

There’s an unfortunate insistence in therapeutic circles that tell survivors that narcs select mates based on what they don’t have: empathy, kindness, bright sparkling partners. However, observationally I disagree. If this were true, we wouldn’t see the concurrent pattern of narcs also choosing other narcissistic, borderline, anti-social, and histrionic partners. We choose people whose emotional self-awareness and communication skills match our own. When we level these up, we become unattractive to narcs.

I’m borderline and been dealing with narcissists since birth love learning what I been dealing with over and over and over

Hahaha your humor is actually wonderful 😂😂😂

Because all people have big egos and no one wants to hear how much they are wrong or be contradicted all the time.... screw that person.

“ deliciously broken” hahha oh Dr Vaknin, I love your videos. ❤

Thank you! So interesting! I'm lucky to be in an opposites relationship, and I can honestly say that our marriage is strong. The friction between us gives us reason to go on, to develop.

I learned this the hard so I’ll state it… make sure the opposite self of your future mate is genuine and it won’t change up with the time. It’s also very easy for mates to end up taking on one another mate. Date is getting more I more difficult I see 😅.

Few minutes in… and had to stop the video and break up with someone I just started speaking to a week ago.. ok .. I’m back! But, what if a person similar to you is kind, loving and reserved. 5:45 Immediate Love bombing is definitely a red flag for me. I can’t handle it. And cheesy romance is suffocating 😵‍💫🤢 can you provide a video with better examples of complimentary characteristics for a few different personalities?

Opposites attract then attack.

Good position.High responsibility for any word from that position.Good luck.

Hey Mr Vaknin, I’ve still got about 40 years left on this narc space rock (earth) Is there any chance of living it out in harmony? Besides fantasy and denial, I’m at a loss 😅

Yes! I spent al my lite for you.😊

If life was only this simple! But this is mostly true. There are so many factors to mating choice even if you don’t produce offspring.

I do agree with your conclusion, Prof. Vaknin, sadly…

You should really look into Leslie Headland. The Show Runner for Disney Star Wars series. Her relationship with her sister and the shows characters are really telling. She and her cohorts live in a self enclosed bubble.

This is extremely unsettling! Dr. Vaknin I am disturbed but yet deeply intrigued by this concept - wondering how this would affect the critical function of growth and development that can only take place within an intimate relationship? What about the subconscious drive to reenact dysfunctional or abusive parental relationships from childhood? Does narcissism override this? Narcissist needs the shared fantasy albeit how can he/she have this with a mirror image of her/himself? Or do two narcissists strike a new deal in which they agree to continue providing supply indefinitely? It seems an impossible goal given historically each party is focused solely on receiving. And this is hopefully a stretch but if this is the new paradigm then would this shift require modification of what we’ve been taught about relationships to incorporate this new model?

Lol 😂 so funny

Shocking

Think the former HRH and Prince Philip, now William and Catherine and Harry and Meghan. Opposites, similar and opposites???

So true Sam, you’re statistical and qualitative analysis is spot on. This tendency of dating a facade has been something I’ve noticed in my Gen-Y partners for the past decade. Not into this fictional coupling/ new paradigm. It reminds me of something the Chinese Gov was quoted as saying “it doesn’t matter what is true, it matters what people will believe.” Essentially it’s theater. Synergy comes into play only when risk is taken, the birthing of something new from the convergence of opposites. Today this is radically avoided for the tepid waters of the familiar.