PAIN Behind my SMILE | Van Life is not a Dream 

Life is not what you think, just because you see someone smiling doesn't mean that they are happy and doing okay. After getting back online, I am struggling because people seem to assume that I am doing great just because they watched a 10 minute video of me smiling for some seconds. People be thinking that after losing the two most important men of my life and having my life completely destroyed I just have the capacity of being a super human, entertaining you for free every week. Some people is assuming that I should travel, and keep being my old self before all the misfortune events happened to me, but how are you guys even expecting such thing from me if you truly followed my story? The internet is not real life and I needed to bring a reality check here on RU-vid. It's great to live in a van sometimes, it's great to be an immigrant sometimes, it's great to be alone sometimes, it's great to post videos on RU-vid but the truth guys is that at the same time things are also awful and painful. Be patience and kind with people on the internet, truly listen to them and stop pushing boundaries. Remember that these are free videos for you to get entertained and a way to connect with others, youtubers are real people just like you, and it's time that someone spoke about this... I couldn't keep this inside of me for any longer. I share more details about everything that's happening and happened in my life on my Patreon www.patreon.com/LidiaRico I shared past events that for a lot of people that followed this channel since the beginning are shocking to hear and I want to keep them private, so if you subscribe to my Patreon please respect the privacy of that platform and be kind. Thanks for being here reading this ❤🙏

Lidia, as an outsider watching your videos, it doesn't take a PHD in psychology to know that Phillip loved you with all his heart and soul. YOU are the reason he was around as long as he was. I don't know if it will help but, think of it this way... Phillip isn't missing a beautiful sunset with you, he IS the sunset FOR you. You and Phillip are an example for ALL of us to reach out to those we care about. Let them know how much they mean to you. Only GOD knows what will happen on life's journey. As always, BIG HUGS and much ❤from Tennessee!

❤thank you for sharing your heart and reality. You are valued you are a survivor You are important You are loved! broken and real just the way you are!!!❤

So sorry, sweet girl. Grief is so hard. I totally understand that underneath your smiles, there are lots of tears.😢 You've been through a lot. I'm sure both your dad and husband are watching the sunsets with you. It's hard to understand why someone would take their own life, and I'm sure it had nothing at all to do with you. This life was too hard for him to handle, and it was his time to go home. ❤ Sending you lots of love and hugs.❤❤❤

Oh sweet girl! I cried with you. 💔 I just think you’re the sweetest little bad ass!!! I hope my daughter grows up to be as adventurous as you.

Its so hard Lidia. I lost my girl a year and a half ago and the sadness just seems to stay. I don't think it ever gets less sad we just learn to live with it 😢

Hey girl, I think you have a BEAUTIFUL awesome life.always keep that sweet smile.that will brighten everyones day

I understand completely. My fiance passed away 7 years ago from a stroke in the prime of her life. It has ruined my life! Changed everything, and has left me all alone in this world that keeps spinning round. My heart goes out to you, may you find peace!

Tears are the language of the heart. They say the things we can’t verbalize.

i lost my soulmate 4yrs ago, the pain will subside but you will have moments of dispair. life for you will continue but just not the same, you'll be ok sweetheart. never forget what you had but be open to what you can. and try and not compare others to what you had, we're all individuals. spend time with you and things will fall in place in time.

Yesterday was my son's 3rd anniversary of passing and I completely feel your grief. Stay strong big hugs.

I saw this van a lot when I was living in Germany. Great van.

I know to much about pain behind the smiles. I lost my mom and step dad a little over a year ago and my marriage sucks. But you seem like a beautiful person inside and out. Just want to hug you and tell you it's ok not to be ok

The looks when you turn to the other seat. Man Lydia, seeing you do everything yourself is so inspiring. I wish I could give you a hug. Sending all the love!

Wow, and the sun set is beautiful; may stop and think, him and your dad could be in the sunset watching over you and wants you to feel better !! Yes it's hard, but keep going and praying 🙏🏾 every day gets bettet; you have to trust that !! Your outside spirit shows that good, so I know the inside is the same 🤲🏾💪🏾💗

You will find love aging I have no doubt…. You seem a very kind and beautiful woman… one day everything will come together for you all anyone can do is every day live well treat others as you would be treated the world definitely needs more kindness compassion and love 🙏❤️🙏

Lidia, I'm giving you a hug of Love!

Give yourself permission to be sad, to be happy, to be mad, to feel survivor's guilt, .. You are allowed to have all of those feelings and to let them cycle back again. The fact that you feel all of it so deeply just shows what a beautiful person you are. Be true to your feelings, it will be okay. 💌

I'm working online, your video is in the background, I'm listening to a beautiful Spanish accent. Suddenly, cry.. I rewind and find out what you've been through... OmG I admire your courage.

May God heal your broken heart Lidia.

Your vulnerability and honesty about such a hard subject are commendable. Keep smiling and trying to find happiness Also, one of my favorite movies, looked like a great movie night.

Guau! Se sabe que una persona es realmente especial cuando está sufriendo en su interior pero aun así es capaz de proyectar su buena energia

I hope you can find a support group near you. It helps to have ppl who understand your situation and you can talk it out in a private place with other survivors and share ideas, pain and comfort. ❤

I totally understand you beautiful I have my son’s spouse that committed suicide last year and we think about him almost every day so I totally understand you 😢praying for God to give you strength 🙏🏻♥️

You're so beautiful inside and out. You have a glow about you. A radiance only you can share. Please be ok, you deserve it. I'm sure you journal alot. I'm full time van life too that alone can seem lonely but I know I'm never alone I am my greatest friend if you need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out. You're in my thoughts and prayers, you're awesome!!!;💕🙏🏾 sending lots of love and light and peace to you

Live is always hard you have to keep pushing never give up never❤❤

It's going to take time and I know it's not easy to feel like that. I lost my mom 23 years ago and I still miss her so much. I wish I was there to watch a movie with you friend. Take care of yourself and you have a friend who has your back.

I live in Canada and we have camp fires all the time because its cool most of the time. I love you show and I'm sorry for your loss I really liked you guys when you were together. God Speed

It's OK to be not OK sharing helps 💔. Sending my Love 🌹🕊🌹

I am so sorry you have been through a lot it will take time a broken heart takes time to heal ❤

The message is really needed for many people. Thank you to open up and share your pain. Namaste 🙏🏻

I understand how you feel I'm going through the same thing right now with my brother and yeah we smile but it's still hard like you said it'll take a lot of years and still won't be over it I'm here with you God bless you

She is so beautiful..on the inside and out...🥺

animo guapa 😢 se fuerte , hay cosas en la vida que no tienen explicacion ... tira palante y lleva el dia a dia.. eres tremenda.

everyone has there own journey, love thy self, you are number 1, you manifest your reality

It takes time, be strong, when your next purpose finds you, your happiness will return as another journey begins. Give it time, keep strong faith. 💚💛🧡💙💜💙🧡💛💚

Lidia, I know this pain has left a hole in your heart. A hole that will be there forever unfortunately..... I pray you continue to smile and be strong. Also, it is ok if you're not ok....as long as you remember you are loved and this is not your fault. I'm sorry you are hurting and have so many questions with no answers. I send you good vibes and hope things get a little better for you. Thank you for sharing all you do! Hang in there beautiful! ❤ This world needs you!

Sweet girl, it's okay to not have someone next to you. You're so wonderful. Enjoy your time.

Omg noooo!!!! I didn't know about Philip 💔 this is so heartbreaking .... deepest condolences from my family...

I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood! When I saw that in the theater I was in LA so I saw it in Hollywood at the Chinese Theater! I think I've watched it six times now. Sorry you're having sad days thinking about Philip. Hang strong! Life is never 100% good times. We have to remember the good times when we're struggling.

Enjoy and deal with each day as it comes be thankful and enjoy where God has you! Make the best of it!❤

Hope you recover from your sadness as your a good women and beautifull to behold have a great life and fill your dreams of a better love and life god bless and keep you strong amen

I'm so sorry I lost my husband and it has been so hard my heart is brokrn. I to smile but inside there is nothing but pain!!! I don't I will ever have a true smile .🙏🙏🙏

Lidia Rico, we have not seen any videos from you I hope everything is ok with you. Love an support, I hope to see you back soon ❤🙏

Very sorry Lidia. It's a lot of pain to bear. Praying for you that you find peace and healing. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4

Sometimes I think in real life most people aren't happy with their lives even though they make out that they are.😢 Most people in real life are really depressed,sad but don't want others to know how they really feel deep down inside.

I been living in my car for two years and have health issues i do uber most days, 5/7 hrs per day 7 days a week. Except this week i have caught a bad cold so sleeping alot eating soup drnking water and meds for cold❤ its sucks but living one day at a time(71)!❤❤

We know you’re hurting and appreciate it when you’re able to smile. I want you to have a support system with people who will let you be you in any form . It was\is how I’m healing from constant grief entering my life. I have old friends who understand my struggle an new friends who didn’t know me until recent. Those new friends only know my present state. I tell them thank you for the love and fun. I surprising met new friends during the depths of my grief. Your heart and heart are bigger than the pain. And people can see that! Big hugs!

🙏🏽🌞💪🏾💙 stay strong I totally understand

"Grief I've learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."

He now can see the sunsets through your eyes ❤‍🩹Siento mucho tu pérdida Lidia ❤

Thank you, Lidia. It is always great to see you. Stay positive and take it one day at a time. You’re not alone. I’ve been doing van life on-and-off for 3 years, mostly on, and it’s difficult at times to not feel cast away, alone, and unwanted.

be strong, there is a wonderful future for you and humanity just around the corner, way beyond your wildest dreams, thank me later.

I can understand your pain. I had a very special person in my life who I had the deepest spiritual connection with. Our life paths tooks us in different directions, found out about 6 months ago he passed from OD. I am so upset, I guess I'm realizing I never grieved the separation. I find comfort in knowing that now i can speak to him anytime. I ask him to visit in my dreams and he does. This gives me peace. Talk to Philip, he can hear you and im sure his spirit is with you always, protecting you.

I enjoy your channel all your adventures. I’m sorry what you’re going through. I understand I’m a solo traveler also but I’m traveling in a big fifth wheel with Rosie, the Bengal cat and Maggie the cattle dog. I lost my mom about a year ago. It’s very tough try to stay positive moving forward, wishing you the best, my dear sending you positive energy

Lidia, that’s such a great movie!!!!!!! I LOVE it. I just wanted to say that I see you hurting behind your smile and it is not lost on some. The bravery you are having rn to keep going will pay off, and be so worth it! I’m so sorry for your loss! ❤❤❤

Cheers Lidia you go girl. Life goes on and "Time" is just the name on a Magazine!!

Your vulnerability is so brave. Sending love and healing vibes for your heart and soul. You got this queen🫶🏽✨🌻🌈🪬🧿💞

Thanks for sharing, love watching your videos, I totally understand I have those feelings too, bless your heart ❤️

Thank you for being vulnerable with us. Hugs. I empathize with you. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes everything feels like it all happens at once. Patience waiting for the emotions to level off is so hard. While you are in the middle of your struggles it is hard to see a way out. One day you will suddenly realize that things are better. Persevere, you've got this. You will make it.

Thank you Lidia for Sharing your pain & what you are going through. I too lost my twin cousins to suicide and even now at 40 years old I often think and ponder why, why why did they do that when one passed the other kept talking about leaving because it was too painful living without his other half his twin brother but why go do the same thing and make your loved ones go through that not once but twice. I will never know, I just know time prayer & focus on self love self care & mental health things will eventually be easier, ppl that don’t understand and have not been through it say “ oh don’t worry it will get better just give it time” that’s a very passive statement because time doesn’t heal all wounds or make you forget about those you love & lost. Only you can move forward at your own pace your own way. You owe no explanation to anyone for what you do or don’t do. How you should act or not act. You are such a beautiful amazing butterfly 🦋 you are a wonderful addition to the world Lidia don’t ever forget that. Please know you are NOT alone. Blessings and lots of Love from Brittany in Alaska ❤ Ps It’s ok to Cry and just let it out sometimes, it can actually bring you calmness & a sense of comfort afterward. It does me anyway, I pray I one day find a love that’s even half as amazing and beautiful as you to enjoy life and love with! ❤

Gotta get out ya head! Reach out volunter to help others and life becomes more of a blessing!❤❤ Always gove when you have these self defeating thoughts!

Dont worry. Be strong. Best days Will arrive for you. Be confident.

Lidia, thank you for sharing your time by the Beach. The feelings the ups and downs. Thank you for showing up authentically. ❤

He is in an amazing place and is filled with joy and love. Rejoice for him and know that you will see him again. He is not gone

Bless….😍 please don’t think you are alone with the pain behind the smile thing, it would be a very lucky person to get through life with only smiles…! You do have youth and health so don’t forget to keep enjoying life and showing off that beautiful heart lifting smile 😊 love the camper… x

Lidia I understand exactly how you feel about being sad and hurting even when you are in good times on a beautiful day because sometimes I also reflect on losing my mom and some of my family and friends and I often cry because the pain of never seeing them again really hurts and the reality is that it will always be pain from losing our love ones as we navigate through our lives but that pain keeps me fighting for myself and others who truly love me and honestly Lidia even though I don't personally know you I can hear the pain in your voice and I can see the pain in your eyes but the most important thing is that I can feel the love in your heart and that what truly makes you special and gifted and my advice to you is to always be you and do things at your own pace and you will always shine brighter than the brightess star 🌟 in the sky Thank you Lidia for showing me and others that don't personally know you how to talk about private things in our lives that effect us all instead of holding all that pain inside .. It is good to let the rivers flow instead of waiting for the dam to break .... 😊

I grew up camping & surfing there. Keep eating healthy. Time is the only thing that will help you heal. Every yr will be a little bit easier. You're stronger than you think. Stay in the sun & try to stay positive, keep smiling & laughing.👍🤙

Prayers and much love to you, Lidia.

Good Morning Lidia, I wish I was there to give you a hug. I need to put my e-bike in my van and go for a ride with you. Sending lots of love and warm wishes to you.

Lidia I am so sorry I wish I could remove your pain, but you will always be in my prayers. thank you for all you do for us, stay strong my friend I have been on that road it doesn’t go away but it does get better, I think one day I just learned to be at peace with it if that makes any sense. Bless you and may life bring happiness to you everyday

No estes triste corazón ♥️

Cara Lidia, ho iniziato qualche giorno fa per caso, a vedere i tuoi video e non mi sono più fermata. Sai perché? Perché trasmetti la vita alle persone, trasmetti la gioia, nonostante questo periodo molto doloroso. Non so perché, ma va bene così. Ti auguro che tutto passi presto. Ti abbraccio forte. Linda

Love your videos! Keep your head up thru the ups and downs. I'm not a full time van lifer but I do travel and camp in my van I converted. Lots of times I wish I had someone to share it with too. No doubt it'll happen for ya soon! You're awesome!

Hey smile hope your well we miss you ❤️💛💚🌹

This has been amazing. Thank you for being so transparent and honest. You are an amazing person! Keep doing what your doing. Everything will come in time. You will find peace, love understanding of all of this. You do the work everyday. With every sunrise and every sunset you are one step closer.....

Hola, prima! We can not control and sometimes understand the actions, thoughts, and feelings of others. But, what we can do is to be the best person that we can be, honor, and appreciate those who we care about that are no longer with us, and those who are still with us. We can, still celebrate and appreciate the positive impact they have in our lives. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay happy! Everything else is manageable! Pops

Você tem um brilho lindo. A vida é feita de altos e baixos, continua seu caminho sempre com esse sorriso lindo e esse brilho na sua alma. Deus sempre vai estar ao seu lado 😊

You should get a custom paint job with all kinds of cool colors and images 😊

You are so inspiring ❤ You make your dad proud every day i’m sure! He raised a fighter, you will carry on 💪🏼 These broken pieces are coming together in the most beautiful way you’ll see 💐

God bless you lidia!!!

Hola Lidia. I'm not use to comment, but in this case, I want to say thank you for sharing the sad moments too. Because, many people, mostly teenagers think that "all that happiness and perfect life's" that they see in social medias is the reality, and then they say "my life sucks". And it is important to understand that life is that, good and bad moments. I hope you can feel better soon, take your time, don't hide the pain, keep enjoying sunsets, stay strong!. And safe travels. Thx! Fer.

Be happy, your a beautiful person and your a live to grow. Very sad about your ex, we enjoyed the moments we got to see the two of you on RU-vid. No one knows why people do the things they do, all we can do is remember the good times we stared.

I never met a person that wasn't broken to some degree. Its very normal

lamento tu perdida y te deseo mucha fortaleza para q puedas continuar con tu vida y lo mas q te gusta hacer!!

Thanks!

Take it day by day, keep your head up high. It will get better. Sending you a big hug.

Your little knife LOL.....what's a big knife to you then?? Love the music overlays....and your new Bike. we have talked before about this thing called life....just one breathe at a time. You will never forget him and you will find peace in your soul. As long as it doesn't consume you, things will work themselves out as time goes on. keep shining on and live for all of them. 💕🙏

Lidia, you are a wonderful person and nobody can really understand the pain you go through (who hasn’t been in a situation like this). Thank you for being so honest, so real. I wish I could give you a hug. All the very best. Love the Westy ❤

Wow! That Sunset was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I’m so sorry for all the pain your in. Please know that I’m praying for you. Also, I love your home and now you can travel and help someone with your beautiful smile. PeaceAndLove Lori

Have you ever thought about trying out for Survivor? I think you would do great on Survivor! Imagine having the opportunity to win 1 million dollars. I watched your videos before once when you was in Puerto Rico camping. I’m so sorry for your loss. Mucha suerte en todo lo que hagas y muchas bendiciones!🙏🏼

We miss you hope your having a beautiful day Lidia ❤

Un a living ones self 😢 is very selfish sadly, the ones left behind are left wondering, but there is no way to know how much a person can handle & hopefully they are pain free. We the ones left standing will always wonder, blame, regret & feel left in an un- finished state of mind. But you've got your own life to continue & your own rest of your life ending. Always reach out for help, don't fear the curve in the road for its only a bend & something beautiful is out there. I found it in the Blessings of 9 beautiful grandchildren. 💕👍🤗 you're classy, love your video content 💕

Instead of asking why he is not here for another sunset try to find his life in the sunset itself. Don't let the past steal your sunshine. Love your smile and soul total sweetheart ❤

I love that campground. We stayed there when I was a kid back in 76. We had a school field trip to San Diego and we stayed at that park. We got so sunburn

I just want to give you a hug. I will be praying for you to find peace. Its so true you never know what one is going through. 🙏🏼💞✌🏼

I admire you so much! Thank you for speaking your truth and showing us your full self. You have so much courage and strength. I see you handling this with grace and beauty. As you said, this pain will continue and will be with you the rest of your life, because that is how love works, but i can assure you that the pain will become less overwhelming with time. The tsunamis will become waves, which will then become ripples. Keep doing what you're doing. Sending you all my love and support 💝

Your tears made me cry. I send you a virtual hug. 💜 Hang in there, beautiful, it doesn't rain all the time.

Stay strong dearest Lidia

You are such a a beautiful soul, we are in a constant battle with our inner feelings. Keep on fighting those battles, pls do not let go. The sunshine will be waiting for your gaze again. These videos are wonderful, and give a lot of your viewers a peace of mind, as myself it's so calming. Much love to you 🫂