Parental alienation | Susan Shofer | TEDxResedaBlvd 

NEVER start a talk on Parental Alienation with "tug-of-war"... It is not 2 parents fighting for child's attention, but one parent committing child abuse and the other desperately trying to stay relevant in child's life and give the child her inalienable right to have 2 loving parents care for the child... otherwise well conveyed the trauma & pain of parental alienation for the child.

Well spoken! The ultimate victims are the children. Unfortunately, hate blinds the alienating parent, causing irreparable damage.

Thank you Susan for telling this tragic story suffered by thousands of loving parents and innocent children, and bringing awareness to the parental alienation epidemic.

My fiance' attempted suicide over the loss of his daughters. God spared him and fortunately, after 7 years, his daughters bravely found their way back to him. I want more than anything, for him to be able to share his story (which is still being written, by the way...). Thank you for your TED Talk. I hope there are more and more of them to promote awareness.

Me as a father going through this with my 15 y/o daughter and 13 y/o son and im bawling understanding what they are going through kills me....

Thanks for explaining the horrendous burden on the children of divorce. Lies are impossible to disprove and we can only love them from afar and pray for them.

For over thirty years, I have carried unpleasant feelings towards my father who wasn’t in my life. I was and still am uncomfortable speaking to him on the phone and seeing him. I was also very distrustful and resentful to him. It wasn’t until three months ago, I had came to realize that my feelings towards him was due to my mother’s own actions. The earlier memories of seeing my mother hang up the phone on my father, slamming the door in his face whenever he drop me off, the arguments she would start with him in front of me and her badmouthing him and his family to me, all of those moments has never really left me and I took on the anger and distrust that my mother had for my father. Because of that, I missed out on getting to know my father and his side of the family.

I am going through this right now with my children and though they are alive I feel like I’m mourning them. Even though they come over on what little visitation I have they act like robots and don’t want to interact with me, they don’t call me “mom” anymore. It’s heartbreaking. Their dad is constantly fighting me in the guise of a “good dad”. He has turned our children against me and I have lost everything during our 4 year divorce process because I was the higher earner and sacrificed spending more time with our kids because I worked farther. He controlled our relationship and now controls our children. My whole family is alienated and have not seen my kids for 3 years. It is devastating. The courts don’t care. There are too many cases and we are just a number and have 10 minutes in court. My ex cried in court because they were going to give me one overnight twice a month. He acts like I’m not safe for the kids to be around and I would feel bad when the kids cry they want to go back to their dad so I relinquish my time. Next thing I know he is taking them to fun places during my custody time. Even while we were living in the same house I wanted to read a story to them and he said no ask them who they want to read to them. Of course since he said this in front of them they told me they wanted their dad. Children have a right to love both parents equally and not make a decision.

It’s been 3 yrs since I’ve seen my daughter. She is 19 and we are strangers. It breaks my heart

I hope and pray my daughter watches this one day and knows her Father will always be there for her.

I’m going through this exactly. I’m scared about my little girl and sad that she’ll never be the same

The father "looks older than his years", because the mother has been killing him and aging him.

My daughters dad and the stepmother did this too me. My own mother helped out too. My daughter is now 33 years old and blames me for all of this. She tells me I just want to live in the past, that is not true. For her to challenge her belief system is not something she wants to do, it does take courage but she would prefer to hang on to what she has been told.

This was so hard for me to watch… I am living it right now.

As a therapeutic supervised visitation monitor, I have seen the painful truth that she speaks about.

I moved to another state with my daughter when she was 10months to leave our abuser. He was not apart of her life prior to moving and wanted nothing to do with her. 4 years later decided he wanted to be in her life. After a suicide attempt on my end he took her to California while I was in the psych ward. He filed for full custody claiming that I’m abusive to our daughter and that I’m mentally unstable he was granted temporary custody until custody is decided. He only lets me talk to her on weekends if they aren’t busy. She been there for 9 months and I’ve talked to her for maybe 9 hours in total. I never kept her from him but I was terrified that he was going to do what he’s done to me to her. And he tells me that this is just payback for leaving. I never talked about him to her or bad about him. When I’m able to talk to my daughter I just tell her that I love her and I miss her and that I’m never going anywhere. When I went down for her birthday she broke down and said that she wanted to come home with me but there’s nothing I can do right now and I just feel like I failed her. Part of me is missing and I feel so lost💔

This is like someone is telling my exact story and what is happening to my daughter and me. I am determined to fight, but more fight brings more bitterness and hostility from my ex to me and harder time for my daughter. But I do not want to live rest of my life thinking every day that why I did not fight for my daughter.

This is my life. I don’t get to see my 16 year old son now. He hates me. We had a great relationship, did everything together. There is no reason for this. So much he calls me names and cusses me out. He believes I abused him and that I need to grow up, he believes I am the narcissist. I have created a photo album of many activities and places we have been together. So many wonderful memories so I will always remember our bond before all this happened.

Wow. Just wow. If I met with you and you told me this story, I would believe you are the worlds best psychic. Thank you for doing what you do. My courts did understand PA and I was awarded full custody. Unfortunately, mom did absolutely zero to follow through with any of the orders, which included reunification therapy, therapy for herself and so much more. I even agreed to pay for it all. It has been over 2 years since I have seen my daughter, law enforcement is slow and the courts do not enforce anything. I always thought everyone would “jump” to find a missing child… I don’t know.. my heart is broken for my daughter to be in a situation of living life on the run. No child deserves this pain.

An important topic that needs to be amplified. Thank you, Susan for this wonderful and important talk.

My son's mother literally started doing this when he was like 5 years old. She started telling him the worst things about our relationship, and my past. Not only were these some of these things untrue, but they're so wildly inappropriate to say to someone's child.

Fifteen years later and I still have to cry every time I think about my children. The Courts sold every thing I had to pay the Court costs putting me on the streets. My Mother's WILL was taken away to pay to be in the Courtroom. My children can't work or keep a job as Depression and Mental Illness has set in. Alienation is never ending as the children must adapt to the new normal. Their Dad was never allowed to see the children again when Court started. The Court orders were so many and the cost to change was too high and the children wanted to be with the controller to get free money for themselves. The story will not have a happy ending. Susan is lucky to get away and see the light.

My parents told me they were divorcing at the start of my 3rd grade. I told them I wanted to stay with my father and not move 600 miles away with my mother. My mother then used my 3rd grade teacher to try and alienate me from my father. The teacher told me "you have to change the way you are going". Later it developed into daily abuse. The teacher would single me out every day for something bad, like my handwriting, and I would go home sad and would sit with my mother for 5-10 mintues and tell her the bad things the teacher had done to me. The worst incident was when the teacher told the class that my father was planning to move to the adjoining town of Poland. She said, "they think they are better than us in Poland". I felt the whole class looking at me. Two years later my parents were divorced and I did move 600 miles away with my my mother and she used the same phrase almost everyday "they think they are better than us in Ohio". My mother went on to not let my father have visitation for 1.5 years and two siblings with severe physc disorders, so this condition can be very bad on the kids if left unchecked.

It works both ways....my ex husband has used my depression against me and made up an elaborate story , I haven’t seen my daughter in two years

My baby mother is doing this with my 3 year old. MY 3 YEAR OLD all of a sudden doesnt want to spend time with daddy. Im bawling watching this video. Knowing theres not a damn thing I can do

This happened to me. I haven't seen my daughter for over 20 years because this was done. I tried to talk to her a few years ago and all she said was I hate you and your side of the family, never call me again. She recently graduated college. I miss her and she has been poisoned against me by her mother and grandparents.

I’m the targeted parent and it’s so painful to watch my kids get away from me and hatred into their eyes. Even though I taught them how to walk, write and other life skills. My husband constantly brainwashed my kids against me while living in the marriage.

Thank you for explaining parental alienation so effectively. This is indeed an impactful talk.

Thought it was very well done and I really appreciated the insight you provided. Thanks for sharing your professional research with me and the public. I'm sure that it will and has benefited many!

Terrific way to convey a subject through storytelling. I salute you, Susan. Your words are charged with empathy and compassion for the victims of this silent crime and the trail of disaster it leaves in its wake.

The courts could care less about the children. If they did, they would not allow the women to do this 1) call her new boyfriend " father" 2) SAY THE KIDS are sick and cannot go on visitation- they are sick next month too. 3) give dad a few days a month visitation. Courts let mom alienate the father. Dad is always the abuser, mom is always the victim. I have not seen my kids in 25 years and probably never will.

You need to address third party doing alienation such as Foster parents, or custodial grandparents. This happens more than between the two parents.

She describes the parental alienation we experience perfectly. The (abusive) alienating parent grooms the child for that age (13) to seal the ultimate fate of complete osctricism; the courts and medical/mental health providers support the child decision to never see the other parent again.

I have 50/50 joint custody with my son's mother. He is 9 years old. I am at the point where I need to take the next leap of faith and go for for primary custody.

This was one of the best Ted Talks I have seen. Thank you. I'm going to share this on Facebook... even through my awful co parenting experience with my son and his father that's lasted for years, I learned some great facts from this video so again - thank you.

The beach and flying kites every fish I caught she would say "that's a big one dad". My little girl is gone from my life and I from hers. I'm afraid only one victim in these situations are THE CHILDREN! ELIMINATE PARENTAL ALIENATION.

I am an alienated father. My ex lied and said I abused our family for 10k charity funds. The company posted it online. Its been 5yrs now since I've been a part of their lives. A Legal call on Friday has me locked in anxiety and fear. No one has helped. The police dismissed my attempts to have my custody enforced. I have watched as 1 by 1 my four kids distance from me until they dissappear. It is like I have held on because of my case against Garanteed Rate Foundation to clear my name. I am now here for my kids who will probably never come around. So I am not sure there is meaning anymore. "If my existence causes my ex to abuse our kids; the I choose the kids". There is No Help

What a complicated mess I am in as a daughter of divorced parents that grew up with a dad and stepmom who’s mother alienated me against and who also seemed to neglect and abuse me and I have no idea what is real or not

Thank you for your honesty telling women to quit shitcanning father's. till they get it. I have lost my children and a daughter I have not seen now in 20 years. I attempted suicide over this. It's criminal what happened and know one cared but me. You are telling it just as it was and is still I've never healed. Thank you for being a woman and being honest for a change. To late for me and my daughter I've never seen again. But she is in my prayers every day.

want to make a big difference in reducing PA? simple - tell your lawmakers to make custody automatically 50-50 and tell lobbyists like N.O.W. to get lost...

After I wipe my tears, I will thank you. If we are being honest with ourselves, it is far and away the children and the father that are the victims.

After my divorce in 12/2019 I have seen my children once and have a child support garnishment against me where people who apparently hated me my entire life had something to gain by isolating me from my children after divorce. It turns out it was over a storage unit and I was assault over it twice. My ex wife moved to Mississippi got happily remarried and I am still being threatened. And garnished. And i still don't get pictures or get to talk with them since they moved to Mississippi three years ago. People voyeuring them during my divorce didn't know I've worked since 2019.

So very well discribed. Amazing talk thank you.

Wonderful speech and discussion. You were speaking of thoughtfully points. Every areas you emphasized were deeply true. Your words come from experience and rational conclusions. Unfortunately, the kids are the only victims in this custody war. A war that has no place in the kid’s life. All I can say is that the world is a better place because there are such an amazing people like you. Wish you all the best.

Great talk. In 1975 my mother stopped my Dad seeing me and my sister. We were 6 and 10 months old. I am the oldest. We've never found him and men didn't have a leg to stand on back then. I was forbidden to even say the word "Dad". A few years ago, on her deathbed my mother said "he was a brilliant father". The hole is real and my relationships with men have all fallen apart. I'm over 50 now and I will never forgive what happened to me. I missed out on another family and the emotional side of the alienation is just too painful to put into words.

The first minute brought an immediate tear to my eye l, recalling 30 years later how every bit of this felt. I will caution this for anyone reading... a parent will today utilize social media in order to create this image of being this best or perfect parent(multiple videos, pictures, posts, etc ) while minimizing or perhaps even erasing any presence of the other parent's involvement in the child's life. As a father to a four-year-old daughter, i feel deeply for the alienated father spoken about in this TedTalk. No father, mother, or child should ever have to endure parental alienation. I just ask that everyone not miss the forest for the trees...just because one parent may post less frequently on social media (or perhaps not at all) does not indicate that parent has any less of a meaningful relationship with the child and presence in his/her life.

I cry watching this I don’t see my boy in 17 moths already cause parental alienation this is killing 24 hrs I have so much to say but a lot of pain

I actually grew up with this and feeling exactly what you have said. Now my children are suffering by the father and his spouse.

I’m going through this with my boys! I miss Sean and Christopher

I wish that I could find and afford a lawyer that could help me and my three sons end this abuse we have been suffering.

I have often seen a judge, well aware there is parental alienation, still leave the child with the alienating parent versus removing them. I can see this is frustrating, but many factors are measured in making these decisions. A judge will weigh whether the child has supports that will be lost if uprooted, like extended family, friends, the school, baseball teams etc...and while the alienated parent is outraged, pointing out their child can make new friends, find a new sports team, can start a new school, they are not considering the pressure on the child , already overwhelmed by the divorce, having to tackle all of the changes. Parents will oftenfocus on their rights, what they deserve, and I get all of that, but the day the courts are dragged into the lives of all concerned, their wants matter far less. I believe making a standard of 50/50 from day one takes alot of power from an alienating parent. I get that 50/50 can't always work for some, but they should not be what determines whether 50/50 exists. Having worked with families destroyed by alienation, I have seen how vital it is that the family court system and ANY person working on a case that decides the welfare of a child, should be educated in parental alienation. Vast numbers of jobs require employees to upgrade education, and yet the family courts have dozens of types of staff involved in the lives of these families. I have watched a manipulative parent befriend the court representative of the child, the GAL, and seen that person ignore the other parent, making one sided decisions based on little more than the lies spewed by a hate filled ex. I am an outside party. I have watched over and over and interviewed alienated parents who never once met with or were interviewed by the GAL of their child. How is this acceptable? How can many of these GAL end up in their position. It requires little and gives the power to destroy children. It is hard not to see the world as tainted when you witness what some are fine doing just to get revenge.

I have not seen my daughter since last 6 months.She is also 7 yrs old.I was not allowed to be with her on her birthday this year.I haven't even heard her voice.I miss her voice calling me Papa. Evry moment of my life without her feels more painful than death.

I've been through childhood alienation and abuse, my dad wasn't around much and then disappeared for year's. I would have been 7 at the time, when I lost my nan as well.... amongst other traumas over the year's and in later life, at 28 my brother took his own life, a close friend passed away the same year. It's left many huge scars and caused "mental health issues" anxiety, social phobia, one point agoraphobia, fear, depression, ptsd, psychosis. I was diagnosed bipolar over 20 years ago. I am 49 now. It's been a huge struggle....

There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”. We first need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected. We must develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven. Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need. A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”. If these 3 stages are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational. Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it. Such family protocols would be the default position, but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court. Buckminster Fuller said:- “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”. To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.

The pain of what I am going through, oh my god. I literally dont know how im not dying. God I want to tell you my story. But can't. 😢 this is absolutely the most heartbreaking time of my life.

On the topic of FAIRNESS… it is critically important to be THOROUGH… My ex has LifeLong, Documented Mental Illness… He had the Money and the Hate and Fear to acquire Primary Physical Care. I am the MOTHER who endured and lived through the Abuse. I am still doing that today. The Abuse continues… I was left for dead, while “DADDY” cries Wolf and is rewarded and protected for his brokenness and reign of terror. That is the ALIENATION that I walk with, daily. Every Story is Unique. A quick overview is the Detriment to the Children and all of Society. A deeper look at the details will always reveal TRUTH. Having my Child be taken from her Mother is the most HEINOUS OFFENSE I have endured… and I KNOW I am not alone.

This is so sad and breaks me everytime I watch it, I miss my Daughters so much 😔

I had to keep stopping this video because someone put words to the experience. My poor little girl. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

I didn't think it would be, but the exercises in the e-guide were helpful.

only 28,690 views... when millions experience this. its crazy

My kids dad did this to me and our 4 children Ive been alone, life destroyed.Childless, without grandkids.

I beg for death everyday over this issue. Every day is worse than the last. She had a friends mother that worked in the system destroy me. I'll never let this go. I love you kids no matter what they say.

Thank You!!! God I pray we can fix this for all children.

My x is engaging in parental alienation brainwashing my child - the road is hard and I pray that God will prevail The truth

Dear Susan, This talk is spot on and sadly the reality of divorce on our society. Family court needs this to prevail to break the family bonds and State Institutions to fund themselves via child support or alimony. Thanks for raising visibility on the issue.

This is devastating. My ex is currently engaged in parental alienation. She has encouraged our 10yr old to call me by first name, discusses lawyers and court with him telling him he’s on the winning side… has been gatekeeping reducing my time to day visits with no over nights. He no longer hugs me or wants to see me. It has destroyed my life

It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve seen my 28 year old son. Things turned bad when I left his narcissistic step father who told him terrible lies about me. It was a very long manipulation that occurred over our 16 year relationship where my kid’s step father degraded and criticized my loving parenting style mixed with verbal abuse, violence and many scare tactics including many scary road rage incidents with 3 kids in the car and me fearing for our safety. After I left he went on a rampage to destroy my loving relationships, put me out of business and try to legally take my home. I was a widow when he came into our lives with 2 boys under 5 years old. I see now how he groomed me and fooled me with his charm. I pray one day my son sees the truth. I pray for karma. I pray for peace to all.

This is all so real, thank you.

Wonderfull thank you.I sent it to her mom hoping she will let me see my 4 yr old daughter.Have not seen her in 2 months.

This is so releifing for me, aswell horrifying: I recocnize, to begin, my own situation when i was a child, with my mom, who putted this burden to carry on me. In time i finally have forgiven her. At the time i was an 'only-parent' child, there was no such thing as information on this kind of topics, so it didn't even had 'a name'. I was too young at that time to decide for myself, wether or not i could meet my dad. So, years went by, and when i was eleven years old, one day my mom brought me the message, that 'my father had passed away', adding to this pronouncement that 'he probably drank himself to death'. And no: we did not went to his funeral: instead of that she got some of his belongings from the executioner, and it wasn't that much because he had depts... 😔 And also, i carried this burden along with me, as for my mom also had become bittered and struggled through her life, losing her trust and faith in men, fighting 'her battle' outward against the world and people around her. Within me, deep on the inside, i felt from childbeing that also my father must have had some good in him, not only bad. Which was the same as how i saw it, with my mom, and i kept myself standing strong in some way, convincing myself that however the "one-way-bad-news" she fed me, my father must have had something of a good side in him, and that i came into this world through both of them... once loving eachother enough, to bring me on as this living proof of that! ❤️‍🔥 It kept myself standing, al along and here i am, writing and speaking throughout and very openly about it. This embeds the story that i write below here. About 2,5 years ago I met a father who, as a parent, is in the same situation, and is therefore estranged from his children by the mother. It is under the supervision of child welfare, where the mother is believed in her 'victimhood', and both children suffer as a result. ! Beholding the fact, i did got to know the mother/ex quite a bit, upfront of this event. I was a witness of how this started, and i reported it to 'Safe@Home'; an organization that forwards reports to child protection and youth care. In the end, these authorities did NOTHING with my report: it is all 'swept under rug'. I even tried to report these abuse to the police, but they did not took any action on it, saying it was 'ex-partner-fight' and it has to be settled in court. We are now 2 years along, and he and his oldest kid still are dealing with this, all under the eyes of childcare and mother keeping on holding up her - and her childrens! - so called 'victim-hood', and they keep on believing her. She even holds control over who of their related family their children can or cannot see... including a grandmother, who is in a terminal stage of having cancer. I still am supporting the father and child in his story. And it's beyond my belief, how this can coninue, and even childcare-professionals here in the Netherlands seem to stand powerless against the "PAS" - parent?! How can this even be possible ?! I really ask myself if they even are aware of the existense of this syndrome? The judge in court has to put an end to this suffering and abuse: this child(-ren) and father, and their bond, which was very strong at first, will going to be devestaded when this goes on like this! It is now, an. 2024 but like we're reliving medieval again!

Perfectly worded. This is my life.

Thank you!

My son would get soo fearful and emotionally exhausted before a weekend visitation that he would vomit before getting in the car. There was no way to prove or discuss it, and my son would face retaliation for talking about it. He feared his father, and since he was a toddler his father has methodically bad mouthed all the safe adults that provided a positive stability- further isolating him. He could never win his approval. His dad would talk about all his "faults" and then state how each was because I was a horrible parent. My son is now 13 and after a decade of this, his self esteem is nonexistent and he still dreads his dad's weekends. All I can do is help him navigate the confusing things being said about his closest loved ones that directly conflicts with his own experience. His dad's constant gaslighting has caused him to doubt his own perceptions and feelings. His dad harbors a seemingly endless supply of anger for me and has as of yet never eased up on unloading it on our son- despite the minimal direct contact he has with me.

Yes, it’s been happening for years and more emphasized the last couple years. My daughter is 12 and I find it harder and harder to have a relationship with her because now she refuses to come over and cut summer and winter breaks short.

This hits so close to home not going into details. But this is a fight I have been fighting all my life. And all my child's life. It does harm the soul. I'm trying hard to break cycles and give my daughter a life of peace but it's not easy of after years of this being done to my daughter by her father and step mother. I was so alone in the fight and I just gave up because I knew I would never win. Still trying to get this dark cloud to go away. But I fear my daughter will never understand the truth. And I don't want to harm her by talking to her but I see it effecting her life and I feel it's time to let the cat out if the bag so she can heal. But I shouldn't have waited so long. But she's about to be 24. And I just figured everything out at 47. After reading a lot about Narcissistism I figured out what had went on. But I never talked bad about them until recently. Because I figured out all that they were doing to her for a long time. She wants apologies for things but she won't bring up the subjects. So I thought it best and it's time to explain it. I guess if she don't want the truth then she's not ready to heal. I wish I fully understood it when she was young. Thank you for posting this video. I shared it because I know many this has happened to. And this needs to be an awareness of this. I believe this also happened to me as a child along with many other things. But my daughter and I both have lots of inherited trauma from both sides of our family's. Now my daughter and I need to heal.

I have been alienated from my son and daughter for about 15 years. The last time I spent Christmas with them was in 2009. I've just about given up trying to have them love me or spend time with me. Ten years ago I bought a home with special wings for each. They hardly came. As alienated parents, is it right to share such videos with the children( now 25 and 27 years), or do we run the risk of further alienation?

My husband's sons, now adults. His one son won't even speak to him. His other son barely. Both great men now. They still live with Mom. A few years ago his eldest son invited him to his college graduation. His Mom made a huge scene about "why" is he here he doesn't deserve to see you graduate. He had nothing to do with raising you. Swore in front of our 11 year old. She made such a fuss that day, his son no longer responds to him. His younger son was going to come for the holidays until his Mom told him he needed to watch the "dog" because she had to go do something.

I have been threw this for 7 years. It's heart breaking

This is heartbreaking. And we wonder why society is so screwed.

This will continue generationally until the system catches up and the right people step in at crucial times.

Mothers/Fathers both human beings who deserve dignity

Usually when a mother does it from an early age it does not confusion to the child but either they are over supportive of mom or they hate her later in life.

My 20 year-old special needs son has been alienated against me and the mother continues to drag me to the courts looking for even more money . I'm now on my 9th legal representative at great cost to defend my case. She has caused his hospitalization at least 3x times that I know of and STILL she retains sole custody. The system is so F'd up!

I am experiencing it right now. My children are beeing alienated by their mother, this breaks my heart :(

Winning a step-parent’s favor for a parent is also not discussed. The step parent’s alienations of affection are often ignored.

They NEVER act in the best interest of the child. They act in the best interest of the budget of the state. Matching funds for child support enforcement, remuneration for “single moms” who don’t work and live off of Dad’s money and welfare…that’s what is driving this. Period. Family court is basically the DMV or a traffic court in a one stoplight town without a tax base.

You nailed everything on the head!!!

i only wish i had 50% i am lucky to have 50 days a year, alienated and hurt for no other reason than leaving a cheating wife

this video is life saving

This speaker is well-intentioned, though she describes parental alienation too simplistically. It’s not just about badmouthing. Alienators make the kids believe the targeted parent is unsafe or inadequate, which breaks the child’s attachment to that parent. Their badmouthing can also be very subtle, which leads the kids to believe that THEY are the ones badmouthing the parent and that the alienator is merely being supportive of their complaints. There’s so much about parental alienation that’s counter-intuitive. Simplistic explanations don’t help to understand this family dynamic as it needs to be if it is to be understood and addressed.

Its sick that experts tell you to give up but it is best, then child support keeps happening.

50/50 presumed custody is fair in these broken family cases. No power should be over either parent.

My father has parental alienation syndrome, no matter what I say, he has to drag her and all woman down into gold digging whores, hes so bitter and hes lied to himself for so many years, I just cant deal with it anymore

This is so hard to hear, yet necessary. Gut wrenching. Thank you.

destroyed is how i would feel all the lies i know people have probably already spun

The courts do not do their best they push the interests of the child which really means the interest of the mother. Most kids are not living with the father but the mother. One cannot tell the children what is going as it may be seen as slagging off the mother, one cannot tell the kids why one does not see them as it's again seen as slagging off the mother. The result is the mother is allowed to do as she pleases, she controls access, does not provide financial support for the children when the kids are with the father, this is despite her having a massively well-paid job. If the father cannot afford to feed the kids then the mother will demand the children go home early. Yet while the mother has custody of the children, the father is expected to provide financial support regardless of his income and the time of the children. Effectively the father has to pay the people who steal his children. The end result is the children lose respect for the father, become hostile to him, and cling to the mother and her family. Job is done as far as the mother is concerned, all done with the help of social services, school, and the family courts.

It needs to be criminal charges LAWS NEEDS TO CHANGE. 13 yrs for me the mom. Shes 27 n married now. Im getting older too.

It's happening to me...what can we do about it??? It's horrible and NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. Courts, Attorneys, even those close to me all say "....just wait it out. Your kids will come around". Well....SOME OF US DON'T WANT TO F*CKING WAIT!!! Why should we have to...it's ABSURD!!!! Maybe 2 years? Maybe 5 years? Maybe 10 years? If you have kids, how long would you "just wait" while your kids ignore you and don't want to see you b/c of what they are being told. Sorry for venting. Ms. Shofer..."thank you" for this.

Very well spoken 👏 This is a sad sad topic, that so many children suffer from ! The sad thing is , its the lawyers that foster these things , so they can make more $ , an the courts whom just dont care enough to do whats best for the children, rather they just listen to the bs the lawyers spew an know that more court = more $ for all but the 1s that matter most , the children !

One parent is trying to remain connected to the child while the other wants to win and hurt the other parent.