I can’t even imagine having been asked if I was okay as a kid, outside of being sick. Being sick usually sucked but it was the time that I was treated the most gently.
Oh gosh… Same. My poor hubby is trying to help me and I am with him as well in some other areas, without expressly saying so to him. I struggle with emotional regulation and expressing my emotions in healthy ways, and I’ve been learning to regulate and help my husband understand what I need, and try to understand how to help my kids learn to regulate. Right now we’re separated because the stress I had from lack of coping and communication skills just tanked me, but even apart, we’re healing and starting to make better choices together. I love to see that others are doing this as wellz
@@Elya08 sometimes space is necessary I hope you guys can heal and work it out. Yeah mine has aspbergers and ADHD and I also have ADHD and our combined pasts of trauma and broken homes and no coping skills has made it HARD. it's a real struggle. But with patience and understand and communication I believed everything can be worked out.
@@tristantries9211 Space is definitely necessary right now for us. We’re all stressed (we have two kids), and hyper alert and on edge from the stress and traumas of triggering each other.
I really wish my mom was like these people but instead she just yells at me and helped me develop self harm as a coping mechanism and eating disorder because she has always told me I was fat and this made me realize how much my mom has screwed me over
My mom is pretty similar. I’m really insecure about my feminine features since Im a trans guy, even though my mom knows this she’ll randomly say stuff like “Girls your age don’t normally have b**bs that big”, which is one, just plain weird, and two, really harmful. Every time I try to vent to her she just tell me “You’re so negative! Be more positive” in a little bit of an aggressive tone.
The lady who talked about the drawings was so sweet. She's damn right, as a teenager and artist, I feel bad when my parents say "Yeah, good job" and go back to what they're doing because I know they're not paying attention.
I was with my grandma a lot as a kid and when she took me to go shopping, the rule was always that I could look at everything and I could hold stuff for as long as I wanted and then we'd put it back. So I could basically tire my immediate "want" out a bit. I knew I wouldn't get whatever toy while we were out, but I still got to play with it a bit and my grandma never rushed me, just waited until I was done. As far as I remember, there were never any issues with meltdowns over wanting the thing. Obviously that's only a thing you can do if you have loads of time, but I do think it worked well.
About instead of saying good job and getting intricate, as someone who was deemed the gifted child when it came to art, in an art prodigy family, which is very similar to a math prodigy family, where basically have a ton of family members that had that particular skill and or enjoy doing that one particular thing and might even have training in it, which actually I have a couple professionally trained family members in art, and everyone wants to assume I do art because of them, I'd say it's not genetic it's just I appreciate art, not to mention I make manga and they are so completely far from anything that would ever make something like that, but anyway, my mother always tried to make sure to be in detail when she complimented my artwork, and ever since I appreciate so much more when someone actually appreciates my artwork and what goes into it rather than all the shallow flattery that my extended family would extensively give me all the time. They would just tell me what a good job I did and how I'm so talented blah blah blah which always felt so shallow, and it felt so empty. So yes I very much agree on this assessment, as someone who has been growing up making art and is making it my career currently as an adult. It really truly makes a difference what kind of compliments they value if you compliment them with intricacy rather than just telling them good job. They will appreciate and be able to recognize the difference between someone who actually values their work rather than someone who's just trying to play flattery
@@NYD666 I think you missed the part where it's actually just as hard if not harder? I don't mean to invalidate anybody else's struggles, but trust me, it is not fun being part of a prodigy family. All of them only love you if you're able to draw, I hated watching my cousin being compared, because again, they only valued us for the sake we had blood and we had ability. The only thing was, for most of his childhood he's not shown drawing skill, so at every opportunity they had, they would degrade his worth simply because I can draw and he couldn't. While I was able to recognize his drawing skills weren't the same as mine, that was absolutely no need to make him feel worthless because your abilities do not equal who you are, yes I love drawing and I'm glad that I have the ability I have, but no one should ever feel bad because they can't do something. Drawing was just not his thing, and that's okay. Even if someone like drawing but they weren't so advanced, that is absolutely no reason to equate their Worth to their abilities and then compare them to their more skilled cousin. It sounds to me that you feel a bit jealous that I have this drawing ability, and happened to come from a art prodigy family, but trust me, in this scenario being able to draw is barely a benefit, don't get me wrong I like being able to draw, and I personally believe that you can have absolutely any skill you want as long as you work at it with diligence, I don't believe in giftedness, and I'm sorry if you feel sad that you're drawing skills aren't on par to what you expect, I can promise you whatever you draw is probably some of the best out there. I don't believe in bad art, there are some who are able to draw some things that others aren't, but that's part of life. I'm sorry you took my comment personally, I was hoping it resonate with people, not make them jealous. I'm sorry that was the effect on you, that was not in my intention. I hope you get to see now the true intent and value of what I wrote, that is not meant to make anyone feel bad, it was in fact meant to help lift others up, and perhaps help others feel empathized to know that there are others like them out there that get pressured into something, because also there are math prodigy families, that will make one kid feel bad because they can't do math as well but then cherish another because they do math really really well. While it's great and all to have a skill, it never should determine someone's worth. If you feel you were raised that way and you were on the opposite end of it, like my cousin, I am so very sorry in my heart truly reaches out to you. No one deserves that, everyone should be appreciated for who they are and what they can do, not what they can't and not what they aren't.
@@WayToVibe I can pretty much guarantee you I don't have adhd, there's nothing wrong with it but I can confirm to you it has more to do with the fact that my experience in the past having short explanations gets people upset and riled up and or just not understanding what I'm trying to say, or what message I'm trying to convey, so that's why I go elaborate.
I seriously don’t get why these people here bringing you down… like, just because you have talent you can habe problems too. And I think you made a valid point. The expectation that prodigies have to meet can je extremely high. I see you buddy. Tbh I think these people here are more like: tell me you are jealous of their skills without actually telling me you are jealous. Lol
as a teen, i have a mental list of things that i may want to teach my child. Mostly things im learning from my shortcomings or strengths, like how to reason, to regulate your emotions, compassion, the ability to think for oneself, to be able to motivate themself, hygene, being self sufficient enough (as an adult, not neccessarily as a child), and to give things a try before giving up im just worried that i might make my child feel suffocated or pressured to be good at these things
the first one, when the kid told their parent that they had been feeling sad lately I was like "Omg I could never that kid is braveeeeeeee" but then I was like, they're not brave (for that reason), they just trust their parent. That should be normal and I shouldn't be impressed that they told their parent they were sad
Me, watching this video and realizing I did everything wrong and failed as a parent. Are there any videos on how to fix everything you did wrong for the last 13 years?
You're human, and humans make mistakes, but you can start from now. give each kid a paper and ask them to write what they wish that you change or what of your actions makes them sad, and tell them that you're not gonna get mad at them for what they write, make it feel safe. Later, sit with each kid and read their paper, communicate about their feelings and apologize for your mistakes, tell them that you're gonna try fo fix that, make sure that they feel better, then hug them. You can't return in time, but it's not too late to change
i'm in my early twenties, if my parents had realized where they were going wrong and apologized and tried to change their behavior when i was 13, that would have such a huge positive impact on my mental health and my relationships with them. you being willing to change is SO SO GOOD.
Hey, just wanna tell you that i have very bad relationships with my mom (am not talking to her since about 15 and im 21 now) and if she would ever approach me gently and appologize and say that she will try her best to listen me i would be SO SOLD i would forgive her immediately and jump into this new thing. So - dont be too sad, think about your child as about your good friend who is hurt by you and dont really know what to expect. Good luck!
There is always room for improvement and healing! There is an excellent book on this topic called "peaceful parent, happy child". Consider giving it a good read and move forward from there
Totally concurr about the 'good job' comment. When I was a kid, I was always in a show or a showcase or some kind of performance. I loved that my parents always showed up and I still appreciate that. And they would always tell me that they loved it and I was great, which was nice. But I would always ask them what their favourite part was, and I have just realised now that that was me checking with them that they were actually paying attention and that their compliments were genuine and substantive, not just platitudes. I finally understand now why I got an empty feeling whenever they said 'All of it was my favourite' or 'All the parts with you' or 'I didn't have a favourite bit.' It was my childhood/teenage bullshit detector going off and recognising that they were there but not fully present. It's a shame, because if they were present, they might have enjoyed it and been impressed. Nevermind, always loved performing anyway, I had fun and developed skills that are invaluable to me now, which is way more important than the external validation. But this is definitely something to do differently when I have kids.
Sometimes just a simple sentence can make your kids so happy I'm an artist(not professional ofc, lol i wish) , i like drawing, its my coping mechanism. Sometimes when i built enough courage to show my art to my parents, they'll either just nod and tell me to go and do my work, or go study. But that one time my mom said something along the lines of "ofc, I'm your number 1 fan!" with a smile, it really made my day, it just hits just the right spot, i almost cried even, but ofc i didn't. Its been months and i still remember it. I know i probably got worked up over nothing, and she probably already forgot about it, but I don't remember when's the last time I've ever gotten a compliment from my parents, it was only years on top of years of complaints and disappointment, so it just made me so happy and suddenly filled with motivation Welp sorry for this random story, but i just felt the urge to share this, maybe, just maybe i can help remind you to praise someone you know for their effort to make their day? Well, if you made it this far, have a great and wonderful day
i wish my parents didn't say some of those toxic things... they keep calling me lazy, they keep comparing me to my friends. to the parents out there that are like the parents in this video, props to you. thank you for being a good example to your child.
I’m so jealous of these kids 😂 there parents love them and care ab what they need. Mine just yell at me when I don’t do something like that want it to be. This makes me wanna be a toddler again and have parents like this, but that I want new parents just that I want my mom and dad to be like this.
I don't understand why treating kids like they're human is such an odd concept to people we expect kids to be able to control their emotions etc but how the hell do we expect them to do that when we can't even do that ourselves? It's hypocritical really
Love this compilation mostly but I do want to address the last one. This can be useful for a young child using a phone that’s not theirs! But when kids grow into teens and get their own phones, it’s important that they know you care that they’re staying safe on the Internet, but guided access is often used to abuse some control. Whether it be locking them out of apps they need if they disobey, or even if they don’t disobey and you feel nervous letting them free reign on a phone. It can hurt a teen, especially older ones, if you use these tactics to state that you don’t trust them with the device you gave them. Teach your kids the do’s and don’t’s of the Internet but know with an iPhone comes a lot of freedom. Just my input as a caretaker and someone who had guided access used against me wrongfully, much more extreme than this.
I think its important to communicate, if you feel hesitant about sending this then talk to them, and if you feel hard expressing yourself in word you can try writting it. I used to leave my dad a letter on his bed when I didnt want to talk but felt like communication was necessary
I do it sometimes too. They may not want to listen when it is about something they care too much about. When I was a child and my mom would not listen, but would speak over me instead, I would wrote her a letter. The message would get there without her complaining "I already told you that..." without me even comming to the main point of my story. Maybe it would be nice if the letter would be as logical as possible, with you just rarely mentioning your emotions. Don't attack them, but try speaking to them as you would with someone more inteligent than they are. Be as respectfull as you would want the message you are sending them respected because that way they would not think about it as you just "having an attitude".
It’s difficult because it feels like to different houses because my dad and mom have a different parenting style so it difficult and my dad never listens to me but I will try
@@Leafylove same with my parents, my mom was always very gentle and undertanding, while dad leaned more to the usage of a belt or a spank. But again, they need to undertand what you want to say. In my case my dad *saw* I did ubdertand better when mom speak to me, rather than him just saying no and threating with a belt. I barely remember that because of how quickly he change his actitud, but I do remmeber bits and pieces. However do as Lamprys said uts important for the to know you are communicating instead of attacking. Specially if its something that still affect you. You are telling them that not becaise you wanted them to feel bad, but because you need closure and if the situatiom requires help for you to overcome it and/or forgive
Children know nothing about self-control other than that taught by parents and teachers. Therefore, the mistakes children make in responding to life and their ups-and-downs, can only be accepted in good spirit by parents and teachers, since children have no understanding of what is driving them. If children want something - they WANT something right away and wonder why they can't have it. There is nothing more in children's minds than this. Children see something they like - they want it. It is cruel to tell children roughly: "No! You can't have it," their entire system is insulted and assaulted. From earliest babyhood, the training process must be initiated by logic and reassurance - affirming children's right to feel secure within their environment. Children's sense of security should be developed by explaining the right way to express their wishes. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - not irritation or anger, must choose the words which tell children why they can't have what they want. Children will hear the message when given in unconditional love. When delivered in anger, it arouses children's deepest ego-drives and begins to take form as resentment - overt or hidden or a sense of deep seated frustration which taints the Ego (the guardian of individuality/programming), reducing children's natural sense of inner validity. Children need to possess this sense of personal validity and shouldn't be subdued or destroyed. It requires parents or teachers to point out, very clearly, that other people in the world also have their needs, their rights to their possessions, their desire for peace and pleasure. No one, not even children - or adult - has the right to upset another person in order to obtain their own satisfaction! If another child hits your child and makes him cry, it's only natural for the ego-drive to want to fight back - he is programmed to defend himself against the other child. It calls for parents and teachers to point out that a "payback," revenge in conflict, only escalates, bringing more pain to children, and for this reason, "payback" is entirely pointless. Better to LAUGH and turn away. And rather than allow the irritation and hurt in the mind to continue, better still to take the problem to GOD in prayer and ask for the hurt to be removed from children's consciousness, and seek a means of reconciliation. A child should also be taught to take time to understand that he and the other child are equally children born of the Divine Moment. When a child is spiritually receptive and can make this procedure of recognizing his spiritual kinship with other children and the "rights of others equal with his own," into a habit, he will then be given the greatest spiritual gift possible. In such a way, is the ego-drive weakened by the practical daily application of inspirational love, while the central "I"ness of the child remains strong and self-confident. Children should be taught the benefits of laughter. Therefore, skilled and insightful teaching is absolutely necessary to steer children into an appreciation of the rights of other people - EQUAL WITH THEIR OWN RIGHTS. This is the spiritual law which should dominate the home and the classroom. Any other law by which to judge circumstances is faulty and lacking in balance. The best teaching will rely - not on the "because I say so" attitude - but on a systematic reference in every circumstance to "brotherly love" and the equal rights of others. At the same time, children shouldn't be indoctrinated in "self-sacrifice" since this type of caring must be willing and born only of the individual's spiritual perceptions and goals. Self-sacrifice is born of spiritual enlightenment, of a higher road to follow, of denial of the little self to remove the Ego (the guardian of individuality/programming) barriers obstructing attunement with the universality of God. True enlightened Self-sacrifice brings a spiritual consciousness to the heights of joy. There is no sense of loss in any form. CHRIST'S LETTERS FROM JESUS CHRIST
I hate to tell you Youngins....Kids have a mind of their own. Their are going to be some Dissapointed women and Men! We had these teachings Years ago even before I had kids! Wow. My daughter calls me A Bish every chance she gets. ! These kids are Wild today and depends on where you live. And as a Parent you gotta work. They will say. You're Never Here!!
