Wow, as a 9 married to an 8, this was incredibly helpful. Thank you! I think one beautiful opportunity of our pairing has been the opportunity for me to learn to learn to be direct and stand my ground (so scary!) and have someone who doesn't get mad at me for doing that but actually wants me to. One recent comment from him after I got mad was, "Good! I like when you get mad! It shows there's a real person in there." I was floored - that was not the answer I got growing up when I showed anger.
I agree with a lot of this as an 8! However I feel like people think we are strong to the point that they disregard our emotions and vulnerability. When people I don’t trust try to sympathize with me it turns me off but I really need and value sympathy and kindness from those that I’m closest with. Push through my hard outside and be persistent with your love and understanding because sometimes we really need it but don’t get it bc we intimidate people.
Not married to an 8 but friends with a couple. I see real beauty in them but they have felt like steam rollers at times so I’ve been researching their personality type (hello, 5w4 😂) and trying to understand them. Thank you for this! I have personally seen the effectiveness of holding your ground in a difficult conversation with them. They want to see truth and genuineness in you as much as they are handing it out themselves. And they really are deeply loving and loyal friends once you get past the sometimes crunchy exterior.
And this is a great example of why I think Enneagram fives are just such a dream come true. Thank you for loving your friends so well. I hope they treasure you deeply.
I'm 8 wing 7 and it is absolutely true. We want truth over everything. We've got a lust for life and desire each moment to be intense- it's exhausting. haha
lol i love this... in the first 59 seconds you already quoted me a handful of times "i'm not gonna let that slide, let me write an uncomfortable email" yep. i literally do that like once a week!
You NAILED this!!!!!! I'm 8w7 and female, raised in the Northeastern part of the US (more direct communication style) now living in the Southeast US (a very different communication style)....and needless to say, my tongue is bloody. Thanks
Some advice I'd give to people in relationships with other 8s: Let us be your wrecking ball from time to time. We neeeeeeed to let off steam. Tell us which thing needs to be bulldozed and let us level the damn thing. It gives us the warm fuzzies when we get to be strong for someone. Don't get embarrassed, don't try to hold us back or criticize us for being who we are. We'll start to distrust you as someone who doesn't truly love us. Capeesh?
Ruby Maverick: King Of The Hunt that’s a weird thing to say...I am actually a Christian and have been walking with Christ for 20 years. He made me who I am and has sanctified me in many ways in the time I’ve known him. I know I have a long way to go, but don’t we all...definitely don’t feel like I need to confess/repent for being an 8.
Ruby! Hey babe! You doing your work? Looks like you might be. Being an 8 is ridiculous and holy- we all get to lay down our ego to get closer to God, wholeness, and being the beloved as is. Thanks for the blessing! Right back at you 😘
I almost started crying. Thank you for sharing. Marriages are in a bit of a COVID pressure cooker right now, on top of normal life. Thank you for doing work and using tools 💗
@@Gracewellworn Thank you for making it clear how to handle conversations with 8's! I struggle so much communicating with him. He's an amazing husband and father, but My 9ness is frustrating for him. His normal 8 pushing makes me want to retreat and never talk about hard things. I'm working on it for sure. Your video on a 9 sitting on the lawn while there is a kitchen fire....Yeah that's how i roll. LOL. My poor husband.
@@Gracewellworn thanks for the quick reply. You are spot on. I can tell you are living it. Have you ever commented on the 8&4 going to marriage counseling sessions?
The worst you can do to a Type 8: "sympathy" instead of empathy. Very accurate, thank you! And then very true also...the uncomfortable Email and Family gatherings..😉
Interesting! I have a child who is a type eight, and I am trying to understand him better because I find him so exhausting. I literally fall asleep around him, because it drains me to deal with that intensity. Where can I find more information about how to approach interactions with him in the best way for him?
There is an Enneagram book out there on how to parent different types on the Enneagram. But as an Enneagram 8 who loves Enneagram 8 children, I treat them like I would treat a king or queen, I hold their privacy and esteem, I respect what they had to say, I never take what they dish out personally, and I am loyal to them. A glimpse into that process. Well done exploring how to make that relationship thrive!
I am an 8w7 and watched this video out of interest why anybody could struggle with me in a relationship ;) So, you mean the ppl at family gatherings do not enjoy my tantrums as much as I do? 😅
Nadya, our relationship is of a 8 and a 9. It would be really cool to see you go in depth about our polar opposites. You can also see our interaction on our videos and probably figure out who is who easily :)
I have in the last 6 months realized how my inner circle nines make my ego go ringwraith. Do you follow Enneagram and coffee on Insta? She made a comment about nines that unlocked the reaction for me. =Been thinking about it. Prob fit it into the video I am percolating about E8s that are in a relationship with people who don't get it.
Hi! You said something about space and having the courage to match their intensity. What if they ask for space because overwhelmed by a situation? Up to what point can you push? Would respecting their request mean you're not matching their intensity?
It's such a hard space to sit and wait for an Enneagram 8 to be ready to reconnect. It is really important for an Enneagram 8 to know that the people that they love around them will be able to keep their grounded-ness, when they are in a hard spot. Especially in a new relationship the eight might not be ready to bring you into the hidden 5 world that happens during really difficult times. You stay working on you, don't fall into the temptation of making assumptions either about what he wants or needs, or what he is thinking about you. If the last thing that was said, was "I love you" then let that truth stand. Or ask a question/share a need (IE- "I am needing a check in, would you tell me 1-10 how you are doing? One is hell on Earth and ten is best life." Something direct, and clear) After the difficult season they are experiencing, in a healthy relationship there should be space to share what it was like for you to go through this. 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
Thank you so much for this video! One of my closest friends is an 8, and I am a 9. Every day we talk about our feelings and I feel like I am getting to know her better and better. Recently we were having a heated discussion. Afterward I expressed that it made me uncomfortable (the 9 in me hating conflict). A few days later she expressed that it was a test of trust to see if I would stand up to her. (I am aware this is common in 8's). She also expressed that she has been repressing an aggressive (more typically 8) side of herself that has caused problems in her past relationships. My questions for you are, does the 8 instantly lose trust if their argument isn't met with a strong counter argument? And how would you suggest I balance her need for debate and my fear of conflict? I just don't want her to feel like she has to hide a part of herself around me. Thank you again! This video was incredibly helpful
It would be a dumb unhealthy eight that would walk with one conflict gone weak/awry/or silenced. (sadly it does happen) It is a strong move/a valid move/admirable- to say "I feel overwhelmed with this conversation, I need to take a pause" (They ignore and press in) "You ignored my need, I feel disrespected, I now need more than a pause- I will let you know when I am ready." You are present, engaged, able to share your feelings gently and kindly- and no body ran over you/fought to comfort their ego at your expense/or took your valid space to BE. Less of, "can you debate?", and more of- if you can stay present, and then not run from the 🔥 intensity. I hope your eight is adoring you, thank you for being you.
Deut 18:12 10-11 There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or daughter pass through the fire, one who use divination and fortune telling, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who casts a charm or spell, or a medium, or a spiritist, or a necromancer. For everyone who does these things is utterly repulsive to the Lord: and because of these detestable practices the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God. Lev 19:31 Do not turn to mediums or to spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord you God. 1 Pet 2:9 We are a chosen people. A royal priesthood. A holy nation. A people for God’s own possession We are the body of Christ. We are friends of God. It is saying the scripture is divinely inspired but not sufficient. It is to say Jesus Christ is not enough. Self, self, self. It looks good. It looks cool. It looks inviting. There is a spiritual element to it. WE want Holy Spirit contact. God will give you the answers you need. You don’t need to turn to a personality test. John 1:14 And the Word (Christ) became flesh, and lived among us: and we (actually) saw His glory, glory as belongs to the (One and) only begotten Son of the Father full of grace and truth (absolutely free of deception). 1 John 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit; instead test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets and teachers have gone out into the world. 2 Tim 3:2-5 For people will be lovers of self……..holding on to a form of godliness although they have denied its power. Avoid such people and keep far away from them. 2 Cor 11:14 And no wonder, since satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising then, if his servants also masquerade as a servant of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve. .Deut 18:9 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not lean to the detestable ways of the nations. Col2:8-10 See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the traditions of mere men, following the elementary principles of this world, rather than following Christ. 2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoke together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
heehee--i am a 2 and got uncomfortable and felt offended with you just mentioning possibly commenting on something i might be eating that i said i wasn't going to eat. and we don't even hang out hahaha:)
