Emotional/energy vampires are the worst! People who life is ALWAYS a mess, who come crying to you nearly every day about one thing or another, asking for your advice, proceed to not take any of that advice only to come back crying and wondering why things are still a mess or worse than before. They drain you mentally and emotionally. I had to cut so many people like this out of my life over the years.
The lessons I’ve learnt being in connection with others: - match energy and reciprocation is key! Both parties should have their needs met - don’t be friends with people who are always in competition with others, because you are also a part of the competition! - don’t be friends with people who refuse to acknowledge their own feelings and refuse to do self development work - don’t be friends that are in toxic relationships with others especially their spouse or their parent/s! They will project all their frustrations on you! - don’t be friends with people that follow every single trend and follows societies expectations because they are too cowardly to follow their own path. - don’t be friends with insecure people, they are insufferable and you will have to walk on eggshells all the time! I could go, but also apply these in dating…this is how you vet! Choose your peace & sanity over connection with insufferable people who won’t work on themselves!
1. Learn people first before you refer to them as a friend! 2.Friendship is a privilege that must be protected thus don't give it for free , EXPECT reciprocity,ALWAYS ! 3.Not everyone is a friend,some are acquaintances or associates or just neighbours! 4. Observe, Observe, Observe then RESPOND accordingly! 5.You don't NEED many to be friends with , appreciate those who value you , and simply step away silently from the rest ! Selah.
I was assaulted earlier this year by a friend of a friend. That “friend” of mine refused to cut the other girl out of her life, even while fully knowing she assaulted me. And then she had the audacity to be mad at me for being upset with her. Never again!!
Lord!!!!!! This comment needs to be pinned. Because, whew! I have a work associate that fits into this category and this just validates what I should do with them, once I leave the job we both used to work at.
At 35 years of age, I have learned that it's okay for friends to be "seasonal". They were for that season and its okay. You met some people in high school and college likely because of location and not values. They are not going to be there forever at that's fine. I think friends, family, and love can all be seasonal and that's okay. We may have different friends throughout life.
One thing I learn, there are a lot of jealous people out there. People who you consider as friends might only see you as an acquaintance. Don't ignore the red flags, and learn it's ok to say no and not be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser doesn’t guarantee you will get true friends.
14:21 A couple months ago I left my old salon suite because I felt uncomfortable and the two girls I booth rented with did all these things 😭. I thought I was overreacting until the receptionist (my good friend) told me he caught them making faces at me one time. I don’t like to talk about people so he doesn’t know how I feel. I ended leaving because of how unhappy I was and ended up booth renting with another girl from the salon suites. It’s like night and day ❤. She’s super sweet ! I’m thankful for my friend (the receptionist) for setting me up with the new girl. I’m so happy 😁.
Nah, I like to embarrass them when they inevitably reach out and I’m so cold and then I gaslight the hell out of them like I don’t know what they’re talking about when they say I’ve changed. 😂
Im in my “you get what you give” era. Its sad that my longest friendship of 15 years is basically nonexistent now because she makes no effort to come visit me or talk to me after she moved 2 hours away. She comes to town to visit her family and doesnt let me know so i can see her, but when i used to go to her city i would make sure we meet up. Not anymore. She knew i was going to the beach in her city for my birthday last weekend and she made no effort to meet up- im not going to ask anymore. She hasnt even tried to see me since i had my first baby in 2022 even when i sent her a “Youre gonna be an Auntie!” card. My other 2 best friends still talk to me on a regular basis and try to see me every once in a while
If you are pushed into the corner of HAVING TO BE passive aggressive bc your "friend" has proven that either they can't take your criticisms in a constructive manner, or they take your criticism as further proof that they need to double down and do something even worse so you feel like there's no point in sharing your thoughts when they ask if you're mad at them, you need to reflect if that friendship is worth keeping, or just ignoring their questions, especially if they're ignoring similar questions you ask them. Of course, all this will just eventually lead to the relationship ending anyway.
I’ve learned that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season, possibly to teach you a life lesson that needs to be learned. I’ve learned that some friends should not be given multiple chances. If you’re constantly addressing them about the boundaries that they keep crossing but yet they constantly disregard your feelings, let them go. I’ve learned that although someone may have good qualities, sometimes their bad qualities outweigh the good ones. If a friend is constantly trying to drag you into their negative habits, like smoking even though they know you don’t smoke but they just want a smoking buddy, let them go.
Oh so many. 1. Given the choice between a moral person, and someone who is kinda a bit of a sneaky bastard but fun, most people will gravitate towards the sneaky bastard. Because the moral one makes people feel judged. 2. Think once, twice, thrice before calling a heterosexual man your friend if you're a woman. Good ones do exist, but stats are against you bumping into them if you're a woman, and getting worse by the day. Find yourself either a buch of queer folk, or neurodivergent, or just women who have decentered men. 3. People have different orbits. Like planets. Some are always super close, others are distant, some turn up, make a noise, then leave. Its up to you to decide what you can accept in terms of people coming and going. 4. Set bounderies, and guard them fiercely. But remember, they are about controlling how you react to them, not controlling how they do stuff. Expect impotenet screaming the first few times you just stand up, tell them that they've crossed a line, and leaving. 5. You're better off on your own than with people who make you feel like shit. Better to suffer lonlinness by your own choice. There is more dignity in it than there is than accepting suffering degrading treatment from arseholes. 6. You can help people, but you cant save people from themselves.
Body language speaks volumes pay attention to that Yes people who laugh at what you like or they say you’re too sensitive when you express something you don’t like.
Not everyone grows along with you, and sometimes you have to leave people behind. It's not about being stuck up or thinking that you are better than everyone else. Most people we consider friends are actually acquaintances or associates. I've also learned to quit throwing good effort after bad when it feels like someone is treating me like a subsidy or a resource instead of a human being.
Friendship is a two way street, if they’re giving 100% then you give 100%. People from work are co-workers, they aren’t your friends. If you hear them talking about others, that’s not a person you are going to be a real friend, they’ll cut you down behind your back.
Be weary of “friends” that always makes you the butt of the joke. Vet people!! Give people time to show you who they are before you call them your friend.
I never told my mom this but HER friend of five years always gives me negative microexpressions. I even caught it in a picture once. I can’t see her any other way now and don’t know how to tell my mom she might have a snake friend. I don’t want to be the downer. I just stay away from the friend as much as I can. Pay attention to microexpressions. People’s body language ALWAYS betrays them.
To the girl who said move, that test your friendship. Try living only 15 mins away from your college friend who you spent time with during those four years, and still doesn't want to see you or doesn't put in effort.
NOT 2 SHARE #EVERYTHING WITH SOMEONE, I CONSIDER A FRIEND. SOMETHING I LEARNED OVER TIME, IS PEOPLE CAN SWITCH UP AT THE DROP OF A HAT. AND SHARE YOUR MOST INTIMATE STORIES, OUT OF SPITE. IT'S NATURAL 2 WANT 2 SHARE/OPEN UP 2 YOUR BUDS. JUST DON'T SHARE EVERYTHING! BE SELECTIVE WITH PERSONAL THINGS. EVEN YOUR BESTIE DOESN"T NEED 2 KNOW YOUR WHOLE LIFE'S STORY.
Stop breaking bread with "friends" that you know are envious of you. Trust and believe they will show you through their words. And please stay away from people who have this woe-is-me attitude.
7:48 I offered this to a friend I had. This was a friend that I had known since middle school and I SWEAR I thought we were soul mates. And then… we stopped talking out of nowhere. She changed and I had also changed. When we got back in contact, I explained that our relationship wouldn’t be what it was like in school but it was okay because we could create an adult friendship with our school friendship being the base. She agreed, and then stopped talking to me again. We had both changed and outgrown each other and that was that. It was a lesson I definitely had to learn.
Don’t be friends with people who don’t know their worth. Who always get played by their partner, come to you to vent and express that they’re leaving them, only for them to go back. Over and over again. A non-stopping cycle. Where most of your quality time spent together is her venting about her toxic man, whom she’ll go back to after she offloads on you. Friends who are overly critical to anything you say. Any small thing😹👋🏽- they’ll somehow just have a “comeback” for it. Even unnecessarily. Yep, that’s my two cents.
Thanks! I've had a falling out with my BFF,we had years not talking. I was going through various health issues and felt unsupported by her very one sided towards me. Well she came back and we had several serious discussions about the forgiveness, what expectations and standards our friendship would have to have before I would consider her my friend again. She is a friend but the closeness will never be the same as before. I believe if both of you are willing to heal and build a friendship again has to be respect, love, and empathy on both sides. It is a requirement not an option only offered when they do something nice for you or expect something in return. Only then I would say a friendship is worth saving. It would never be the same though because life moves on.
Haven’t finished the video, but this is a great video and I am enjoying all the responses in the video and the comments too. All of these can be applied to family too!
Destiny, thank you SO MUCH for posting this compilation!! I needed this. Ive been shifting all kinds of inner stuff in me and this was a kick in the butt I needed to SEE it from others perspectives. I was that insecure friend, a chameleon of sorts, a girl who had no idea who she was and no idea who she was supposed to be....now at age 43 I'm discovering who I am instead of trying to get someone else to TELL me who I'm supposed to be 💗 sits been quite the journey. THANK YOU!!
Some people only like you when you're down. Be mindful of when you start doing better. That is when you find out who your real friends are. Real friends will be happy for you. Fake friends will see you as a threat and either cut you down or ghost you altogether.
I distance myself from my friend group in college because once one of our friends would leave, one of our other friends would start talking about her. I was like, I'm sure she would do the same to me and the funny thing is, she preferred those friends. When it came time to choosing pur minors, she wanted to do the samething as me but decided to do what the other girls chose.
Yeah no that crisis friend one was NOT it. Some people are genuinely down on their luck. Gross and awful take. Not every “crisis friend” is going to minimize you and make you feel down. Grow up
You can’t be down on your luck and be in crisis for life! We ALL have trials in life and bad things WILL happen. At some point as an ADULT, you take accountability and move forward because life is still going to happen
@@Cozyposies I can very much tell you, from personal experience, you can. You can take as much accountability and responsibility as much as you like, but as you said, life happens and people are cruel, especially these days. You can’t take accountability for and control everything. We’re humans, not gods. It costs nothing to be kind to your friends. I don’t know how to tell you you should be kind and understanding to other people
@IGot7RevtinyArmyStayOnceBlink she meant someone who is polite to you and rude/disrespectful to others. Because that shows you that they lack empathy and compassion for their fellow man
1. Don't expect you from other people. 2. YOUR friendship is a privilege and be careful who you let in. 3. Work people are not your friends, very rare to find that person who will stick with you AFTER you have left that job. 4. Match energy. 5. Don't hang with anyone who puts your down for where you are in your life, even if it's disguised as "funny" or a joke. 6. Level up and find out who really cares about you. 7. If they are talking to everyone else but YOU, move on from them.
As a 4B woman - I will ONLY be friends with other 4B women now. I have found that when my friends had gotten married and had kids - or even actively dating/pursuing relationships - they would forget my entire existence and still expect me to be 100% accommodating to them. Because o f this - I will never again befriend anyone whose lifestyle does not align with mine. And I especially will absolutely NEVER EVER re-establish any type of contact with someone I fell out with regardless of how much time has gone by. I have very good reasons for cutting those people out of my life in the first place and contacting them again would be the equivalent to drinking deadly poison because I am thirsty.
I said pretty much the same thing, but I said don’t get close or hold value in friendships with women who are male centered even with male friends because they will be amazing friends to her male friends but is never available or able to be there for you, but makes a way for male friends. And if she gets a boyfriend she will ghost you until he mistreats her in a major way.
9:56 Also, stay away from the friends who always use your moment of crisis as THEIR moment. Aka... you are their wounded baby bird/project, and they are the "fixer".
Yes, plus when u need them, you won't want to ask them because they have u trained to think that they can't be bothered because they have their own problems. It's a lot of different variables of why this person is exhausting, burdensome and useless
I had a fish/pregnancy dream and asked my best friend if she was pregnant. She denied it. She ends up telling me she was pregnant around her SIX MONTH MARK! Okay, whatever. She then proceeded to tell me she had the baby TWO WEEKS AFTER GIVING BIRTH. There’s other incidents of her keeping info from me but that’s when I knew I can’t do friendships that are one sided in sharing. I need intimacy in my friendships, if you can’t tell me anything about yourself and I tell you everything about me, I’m good. In my 30s it’s just not my style anymore. And it makes me feel left out and nobody likes that feeling.
Girl I’m going through that right now with an ex best friend instead she hasn’t told me the news her boyfriend told my husband and she hasn’t told me it’s heartbreaking because I’m generally happy for her and to think I met some of her family members and she called me her best friend and I tried to salvage our friendship and check in with her a bit more but she was so closed off and I was telling her things and she wasn’t saying much and then she told me she was in our island 🏝️ but she never once said to link up and when I said to meet with her she said it would be nice like she wasn’t keen and when I told her I’ve got some exciting things like my wedding anniversary up she just said that’s good but a year ago she told me congratulations it’s so weird I had to cut off the friendship before that she was screenshotting all my Snapchat stories WEIRD! Before then as well.
@@SynamonSugar the funny thing is my mom did the same so when my sister did it, I was like, am I so judgemental kind of person why they don't telk me things?! I can't afford to care anymore.
Best friends with a woman since age 8, I am now 37 and a mental health counselor. My best friend who suffers from bipolar disorder recently taught me that I can not expect myself from other people. And I must allow other people to live their lives via their natural autonomy no matter how I feel about their decisions. I had to learn that my personal beliefs and morals do not govern my loved ones. My bestie decided that being homeless for the last year following leaving her doctorate degree based 6-figure job to live freely and follow her business owner dreams via homelessness. I pray for her, I love her, but I can not sacrifice my mental stability for someone who does not agree with my beliefs. I can't force her back home, I can't love her back home, cant convince her to try again. But I can love, and wait(for what, idk), and pray for her, and keep all my negative thoughts and great advice to myself!😂
There are different levels of friendship. I had a surface friendship for 19 yrs and didn't even know it. Ex. We party and hangout. I spend the the night over her house, we eat breakfast and I go home. My house flooded out. I asked her to stay a week until I see how long it was going to take to fix. See didn't let me come even for a couple of days. I got hotel.
Friends that we trust also have friends that they trust and often share confidences with their trusted ones.. and don’t think they’re doing anything wrong by doing that
Really helpful video, that can be applied to romantic relationships & family too! Basically human connection! I liked what you said as well Destiny and agree with you!
