Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan 

It's worth mentioning that no matter how strong the intention to set boundaries, if there are trauma bonds in your early experience especially, you simply may cave in from the fear reaction. Setting boundaries following trauma often requires a serious commitment to reparenting oneself and having a ton of support.

I'VE SAID IT A MILLION TIMES I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: THEY NEED TO TEACH THIS STUFF IN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITIES

Oh my god... I've only now realized that this is a key issue in my life. No wonder I am depressed after letting everyone silence and belittle me, after acknowledging other people's truths, opinions, and ideas 24/7 while never recognizing the validity of my own, after allowing myself to be criticized and judged by others for years, after letting my parents dominate over me with their thoughts and their ideas of who I should be. I feel very sad for myself and the little girl who was silenced so much that she chose to keep everything to herself and instead please others to survive. I am so sorry. No wonder I write and draw so much. I've turned inwards and have been desperately seeking understanding and guidance all my life. Only to realize I am the one who can do that. And I have the right to that. I deserve that. Thank you.

I spent 3 years in therapy when I could been watching this instead.

wasted my thousands of bucks on therapy where they literally spit out jargon and here is this magical woman "Teal swan" who is uplifting my life one video at a time. I would love to offer donations for your wonderful work and also I don't have words to express my gratitude to you.

Shit. I'm gonna have to watch this many times

I'm literally using your videos to reprogram my childhood programming. Thank you so much

"the more in aligment you are with your personal truth, and the more honor your feelings, the happier you will be."

Probably the most important information a human can get

You are one of the few soul treasure chests on RU-vid. So incredibly insightful, thank you so so much for making these videos

I should listen to this once per day

You are WONDERFUL. You are helping people probably more than you can even begin to imagine. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and enlightened teachings on self-respect and love.

Love it. Especially the passage on shame. It is a cultural conditioning that needs to be released like a bad reflex

I feel anger when people try to manipulate my feelings.

How did she know all these stuffs? Why haven't we learn this in school?

thank you so much!!!! i think that's why me and other introverts are introverts because we dont know how to set bondaries, and that's why i dont like being with people because i havent learnt how to really express myself and set boundaries

***THANK YOU*** They really try to tell you from the outside where your boundaries should be but only you can know where they really are.

I wish I had people like u in my surrounding so I can talk to the same level of understanding about things in the world. I need more spiritual people in my life. I really feel alone cause many people aren't spiritual and high vibrational.

SUMMARY - Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan Boundaries are guidelines for how someone relates the self to the rest of the world. They're rules of conduct built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. boundaries define a individual by defining likes and dislikes, what is for them personally wrong an what is right defining those things helps us to know how we let ourselves be treated from others sings for unhealthy boundaries: Saying no when you mean yes or yes when you mean no, feeling guilty when you do say no, acting against your integrity or values in order to please others, not speaking up when you have something to say, adopting another persons ideas so you are accepted, not calling out someone who has mistreated you, accepting physical touch or sex when you don't want it, allowing yourself to be interrupted or dissistracted to accommodate someone else or with their immediate wants or needs, giving too much just to be perceived as useful. Becoming overly involved in someone's problems or difficulties not defining and communicating your emotional needs in relationships,. Its important to understand that not others violate your boundaries but you violate them by yourself by allowing them to violoate your boundaries you dont stay true to what feels good to you, this is self betrayal by going against your own boundaries you violate yourself defining boundaries is completacted if you define them to cerebral concepts of right or wrong or according to what other people think are or arent healthy Your boundaries are defined and are no different than your feelings your feelings tell you if your bouandaries have been violated as you are listening to your emotions, you know exactly where your boundaries are so it is very crucial to be in touch with how you feel all day every day So we can think of a boundary as a line that uniquely defines, and separates your personal happiness, your personal integrity, your personal desires your personal needs and therefore most importantly your personal truth from the rest of the Universe. If you dont listen to and respect how you feel you violate your own boundaries if you dont listen to and dont respect what other people feel violate other peoples boundaries practice feeling how you feel, listen to your emotions which define your boundaries to stay in alignment with your own truth Important: personal truth which is what boundaries are can only be told to you by you your parents, friends, society cant tell you what your boundaries are only you can know your boundaries it is crucial that we not only know who we are and what we really want, but also that we know that we're known for we are and what we really want by others if you are ashamed of who you are and what you want you have poor boundaries As children you were ashamed of what you want and who you are to fit into the family and into society you had to develop an identity that was acceptable for people around you, a false self you became the person you thought you were supposed to be and shame the person you relly are if you fear other people thinking negatively of you, you know that you have set up a false self Do you know what you really wnat? Do you say yes when you really want to say no or say no when you really want to say yes? Are you afraid to let people know how you really feel? Are you afraid of people thinking negatively of you? You can also violate boundaries by withdrawing, going away from someone if you had invalidating parents it was difficullt for you to set healthy boundaries if you were invalidated for certain emotions you developed a false self suppressing emotions and not expressing your own truth people have difficultis to develop healthy boundaries because: 1. you put other peoples needs and feelings first 2. we don't know ourselves, 3. we don't feel as if we have rights, 4. we believe that setting boundaries breaks the relationship 5. we never learn to have healthy boundaries. Most people were told as children that they dont feel how they feel or it is not ok to feel how they felt you were told that what you wanted is not what you really wanted or that it is not okay, what you see is not what you see your own personal truth was invalidated again and again so you did not stick with your truth and you went against yourself, denying, you stoped trustin yourself Self trust is all about boundaries not trusting yourself means you have unhealthy boundaries, abondoning your own truth this makes you feel unsave within yourself you feel unsave with yourself when you act against your feelings, your own truth to learn to trust yourself you have to tune in how you truly feel and honor how you truly feel you cant have intimacy, cannot have good relationships if you deny how you truly feel your false self becomes like a mask that cant anyone pass the mask becomes your identity to the degree you dont know who you are, what you wnat to have a deep relationship with someone is to look the truth, the total unrestricted truth of who you are you cant meet someone at the heart center if you wear a mask You cause the difficulties you are trying to avoid, by not listening to your feelings and personal truth The bottom line is it is impossible to know who you are and what you like and what you believe and what you want unless you know exactly how you feel You cant have a good relationship when you dont have healthy boundaries otherwise you loose yourself before you can discover that we are all one you have to go towards individual happiness a boundary is not resisting what you do not want, that is unhealthy healthy boundaries exist to keep you happy healthy boundaries are non resistant to nature and therefore in alignment with oneness they are not about controlling they're entirely about you personally defining and then following your individual sense of happiness and desires and personal truth. they are a state of self awareness and self love and itegrity you cant have healthy boundaries letting the world define who you are and what you feel exercise wirte down 10 things you are most unhappy about in your current lfie ask yourself: are there any boundaries that you are crossing in this experience which is giving rise to this negative emotion? How do you really feel about these items, experiences on the list? the last part is an action step that pulls you in alignment with your personal truth and to honor how you feel now self expression is important, decide how you act on the experience and in future cases boundaries are reassessed when time goes on, they are not static boundaries change according to your feelings help other people to set boundaries by telling them that you want to know exactly how they feel independent from what others might think of it Assure them that what you really want is that thay stay in alignment with how they truly feel and want This gives them permission to be themselves and define their boundaries within your presence The bottom line is, if we want to live happy life's and make the right choices for ourselves personally, we need to know how we feel, admit to how we feel and express how we feel. Defning boundaries is a crucial part of finding your ture self its a crucial part of success and spiritual practice your boundaries can be simplified to how you feel if you feel like doing something and you do it you express a boundary if you dont do how how you feel you violate your boundary to follow your feelings is the same as to follow happiness you cant deny what you truly want, who you are, your feelings the more you honor your feelings the happier you will be Thanks Teal

This was so enlightening to me that I am speechless. I not only now understand what I’ve been doing to myself all these years, I also see that by violating my true emotions, I have wrongly projected it on other people in my life, making them responsible for my emotional pain. Now I also understand the source of many years of auto aggression that I have unconsciously passed on to my daughter. I so wish I would have learnt and understood this much earlier… The good thing is that I definitely now have the courage to change it and that will also help my daughter. I need now to let it sink in…. I’m just seeing my whole life flashing past in front of me and I see so many things already differently. Gosh…. Thank you 🙏

Oh. my. god. that perfectly describes my relationship with my parents. They were invalidating. I was always so fervently thankful that they put a roof over my head, I never could/ wanted to ask them for anything and when I grew up I had to learn how to accept that I am deserving of the things I want (you have actually helped me with that process). I wish I could go to one of your workshops and meet you.

I don't understand how there are people who disliked this video. Must be haters. She gives an easy to understand explanation of boundaries.

Teal has changed so much in the last decade. Her delivery is so different now than it was then, so interesting and lovely to watch the same message embodied in Teal over time

Every video I watch, I walk away afterwards thinking “wooooooow”. The voice of Source? Truely inspirational to anyone who will give this human the time and listen. 🙏

5:18: "Only you can know what your boundaries are." Very good, thanks!

God always leads me to you! I’ll be questioning something in my life and I’ll be randomly reading parts of the Bible I feel called to which ends up resonating then this video pops up ofcourse lol. Resonating again. You are so brilliant and beautiful! Thank you, you are so perfect 💕

Wish I had found these 10 years ago!! So good, seriously Teals videos have helped me more in 6 months than YEARS of therapy and trying to heal on my own

The explanation about boundaries and resistance is absolutely amazing. This woman so talented

Thank you! I'm awake!! You are amazing!!! I listen to you everyday since I found you!! ❤️

Teal, this is genius. Thank you for being you and sharing your wisdom.

Sometimes I listen to Manly P Hall and Alan Watts, however it is difficult to get to the same level of energy and intellectual acuity to not to fall behind and be dragged along the rails in a mind boggling journey. I feel I must be a certain state of mind to follow and if I am a little skewed from that, listening becomes a burden and quite exhaustive, usually, when I am in a good state, I don´t need much the lectures. Anyway... I´d like to say is that, after watching some of your vids, I see that you talk a lot about the same things, but much more down to earth and applicable, so it actually informs in a very structured way and motivates quite a lot in a way because one sees the whole picture and actually gets to know the steps and mindset behind them in a intelligible way. Thanks for doing what you do.

You changed my life. I am no longer afraid of just being who I am in life and avoiding those who make me feel guilty for being me including family. Thank you 🙏

But how do I know the difference between "this doesn't feel good therefore I have to set a boundary" and "this doesn't feel good because I need to grow and therefore force myself out of my comfort zone"?

Your happiness exudes from this video!!!! Thank you Teal for being you! I am because you are! Namaste beautiful ONE We are all better because if you!

Good stuff! I like how Teal repeatedly explains and gives examples of both types of boundary errors: too porous AND too restrictive...emotionally-unavailable. A lot of people don't think about the emotionally-unavailable type of boundary error.

6 years later, I find this video. Almost every word of it is true for me. I think my counselor and I will watch this during my next session.

Beautiful teaching Teal swan - thank you it was greatly received for me today...blessings to you xxx

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on my boundaries and how to manage them more effectively. One thing that concerns me is that you truly have to be in touch with how you feel in order to trust your emotions and act on them. There have been times in my life when I was "out of touch" and thought I was acting on how I felt and it got me into situations where I realized I had not taken care of myself. It requires emotional intelligence and maturity to be able to read and trust your emotions and act on them in a healthy way.

After so many years of wondering why can't I trust myself... I finally came to this! I have always struggled to state my boundaries and never thought how these two were correlated! Thank you Teal Swan!

I can't believe nobody else has commented on this video!! In 5 years...nobody except me!!?? People!! This is a brilliant definition of boundaries!! So sad that great wisdom like this about the human condition...is most likely not understood. If you also agree with me, please send me a message or comment so people like us can be in touch with one another!!

I really appreciate how you talk about every aspect of a particular concept. This approach has helped me shed light on so many things that I had a 'feeling' about but could never find the words or thoughts to see with clarity. Your videos always generate this feeling of wholeness that I no longer feel any dissonance with regards to a concept, which then creates a space for deeper discovery and expansion. Thank you so much!

You’re a good soul Teal for sharing your learnings. Love & light.

She has such a reassuring voice.

These video have been a great help. I started listening to these videos a little over three years ago. The first few time I wonder why I never heard of anything like this before. Recently I started to re watch certain videos. The meaning behind the ideas presented did change the way I have lived. As a result, many of the negative connections in my life have dissolved. The down side is I had to take a hard look at my part in the negative way life has gone for me. Not complaining. I’m stronger and more aware and ready to move forward in my expansion. Self-Love is the key. The problem is every thing in our culture wants us to fall in love with something outside of our selves. Which is a dirty trick cause how can you come from a place of love if you don’t love yourself. I have been asking people I love what does love mean. My intention is to figure out what it means to Me. The conclusion to this point is “Love is a positive increase in being” I Love You = You increase who I am without losing anything. Thank you Teal for your teaching. On-word to self love.

This is the best explanation I’ve heard. Thank you!

The best video teal has ever released.

WOW. That really blew my mind. I feel so much better.

How are you spitting straight 🔥for over 20 consecutive minutes . I’m shook

Teal, I find it fascinating that you bring up a less talked about boundary "violation", the withdrawal. I recently made a video on how to express anger and heal because WOAH I had no idea I was angry!! It took a lot of time for me to start tapping into that. For me, the meat of all your teachings is really on this, the emotional work. It's impossible NOT to heal when allowing our emotions to come up.

that's it! I'm not doing my homework again - they definitely feel like a violation of my boundaries !

Setting boundaries is a proccess it takes time. If You came from an abusive family it will take time the more your body is shut down more time will take. You have to reactiveta your body in order to feel it.

I agree with much that Teal says... My largest disagreement comes from her over emphasis on feelings. In reality feelings are to be trusted no more than thoughts. In fact, they're mutually self-referencing. Trust instinct, intuition completely. Don't trust feelings and thoughts unless they're in alignment with intuition and instinct.

I just want to thank you so much for your knowledge, authenticity and openness. Your short yet impactful existence in my life has shown me that I have and never lost the strength to change my life for the better.

Your feelings often don't work in your best interest. Your deepest inner wisdom is what you need to follow.

People who violate your boundaries were once considered friends .. thats why I prefer acquaintanceship to friendship as its less personal and I treat you equal to the way you treat me.I still like human connection but that reserve for people who share my values . 90% of people out there have different principles and framework and hence boundaries should be enforced on a daily - these people arent bad but if you dont negotiate whats important to you NO ONE WILL

if you feel like doing it and you do it, you're not violating a boundary. if you don't feel like doing it and you do it, you are. + exercise

This is amazingly empowering and makes life so much simpler. Thank you.

best talk on bondaries I have heard so far, thanks you!

Teal, this video came to me at the perfect time. I have just started a new relationship and new friendships and I have been crossing my boundaries over and over lately. Thanks to you also i am gonna start my path of reassessing my boundaries. Immensely thankful to you.

I must have had invalidating parents… good to know so now I can practice validating my emotions.

i guess i feel bad cuz im so weak and sensative that seemingly everything is crossing my boundary. -sighs - if i stand up for myself people are just gonna call me sensitive, over reacting and invalidate me. they are gonna insult me and call me ridiculous. as my mom often does. but even so.. i can't live like this anymore.

This is very beautiful, so much for me to learn here.

Thank You Teal Scott. This video blew my mind on four important points. I did not know before that withdrawal of support could be just as much considered boundary violation as invading one's personal space. This puts modern culture in a WHOLE other perspective, I think...as in, we have a lot of responsibility to start taking...for the welfare of our earth, Nature, the animals, women and children...also, I could not have put it better, what I have been thinking up lately in more painfully awkward, grasping terms than you: essentially that being in alignment with your self puts you in greater alignment with the universe, and not worse.

To have healthy boundaries not beeing in resistance, not letting them be crossed all the time you need a level of openness. And yes healthy boundaries keep you in alignment (with your "higher self")!!!

what if you feel you don't want to socialize, however you know that it would be healthy to interact - And you also know that usually you have a good time. Feelings can also lead us astray. What if we are too sensitive. What if a person exists out there that feels the world is out to get them - when in reality they struggle because of a lack of control of how they feel? What if a person is rendered absolutely crippled because they are just too vulnerable and too feeling. In some cases, balance would dictate a feeling person would stop feeling soo much - just to learn to establish a level head. I disagree with distancing as a violation. If a person distances themselves, there is often a good reason. What if the person is experiencing abuse. Then the distancing would be an act of restoring boundaries. We are not obligated to invest ourselves in toxic relationships. What if someone is addressing you on something you did that was wrong, and rather than acknowledging the failure your pride makes you react with hurt. Are you saying a boundary was crossed? Did the other person do something wrong? In my opinion, we should own up to our failures. Take the responsibility, use it as a method of empowerment by apologising and not letting it happen again. In this way the feeling of hurt triggered by the external person really was hurt do to you crossing your own boundary. So when it comes to our reactions regarding the outside, the hurt isn't always because of a violation committed by another. Ultimately our reactions come from how we feel about ourselves. It has nothing to do with the outside. Enlightenment means achieving serenity in the worst of circumstances as well as the best. There are also back chakras to compliment our front chakras. They represent separation that balances the unity of the front chakras. www.pathwaysforhealing.com/sites/default/files/u2/chakrasfb.jpg

Wow, what a powerful, great awareness video. Thanks, Teal

Ok, from now, the minute I understand that someone is unable to accept when I say no, I don't put up my false self that is faking empathy and explains him the situation, and then notice that the person still stepping on the line. I just automatically block/mute/grayrock. They are in control still, not me. They just subscribed to my boundary reassessment service. This was the deal with myself after I noticed a lot of negative emotions after yet another boundary cross. Dam, these people think that with sufficient amount of talking, they can achieve anything... But now I have a surprise, waiting silently to be activated. Thanks for this lesson!

Man I had to listen to 14:19 like 4 times and write it down. I’ve been living rigidly for years just to keep violators out- but it also keeps happiness away as well.

It's super trippy how she like vibrates at the end lol!

Thank you Teal, i love this exercise, it definitely brought me closer to myself and to my personal power! Love

I feel such relief seeing your videos, that my body automatically starts feeling relaxed and into a state of sleepiness.

Thank you Teal! Oh, this is 8 years ago. I hope you still look at comments? I just wrote 4 pages of stuff! Front and back! I see now the ACTIONS are the solutions to the things causing us problems! Just seeing the actions needed changes everything! Thank you!! How did you get to be so smart?? Wise beyond your years!

Teal, fantastic video thank you for making and sharing this. Just the kind of explanation I needed and wanted to hear. You truly have the gift of articulation. On point, it's a blessing to know there is someone out there that gets it and can express it clearly and concisely. Love & Light.

Huge appreciation for this video, speaks to me deeply.

We violate our own boundaries. Yes, got it.

You deserve a billion likes for this video! Absolutely the best video for boundary setting!

Great video! Keep it up! Share truth.... Spread love.... Dream on! Humanity & Earth NEED LOVE & TRUTH........ God bless u all!

I have to comment on the distancing boundary violation. If the person does not want to be friends or whatever with you anymore, that is fine. If they are guilt tripped into talking and being friends with you then that is a boundary violation. Especially if you are getting away from a toxic person.

Dear Teal, I don't know how to thank you. In this video You're exactly talking about me.... I've just been aware about my "masks" - many of them....I didn't realize my own feelings for so many years...I was just trying to make everybody happy(family, co-workers) except me....sooo sad! THANK YOU

This is something i need to work on. Every time I enforce a boundaries it causes a war zone between the person and I. As if I can't have my own rule

so...i don't mean to be a groupie but...i love teal scott vids :)

Remember when Teal used to talk like this lol now she is much more.. sassy.

I totally agree when it comes to setting boundaries based on how we feel. I don't believe that making decisions when under the influence of powerful emotions is the right thing to do. We can't follow our feelings in every circumstance. Feelings are fleeting and always changing. A decision made today based on a strong emotion can be completely disastrous tomorrow. Knowing when to make decisions based on how we feel, and when not to, is crucial.

Others do not want you to set boundaries but want to control us. If you set boundaries then they will be upset but they will get over it.

Teal Swan, another great video. Thank you for creating it is very helpful.

People with "borderline personality disorder" have chronic boundary problems as they do not have a stable sense of self.

This video was meant for me to watch...made so much sense.

You’re a gift to the world Ms Swan❤

Truly Amazing Video! Has been on my mind for days...

The problem is that some people are confused, keep changing their minds and don't know what they want. What do you suggest? I have been called rigid because I don't accept certain types of people in my immediate circle and because I know they cannot be trusted. I have established my boundaries in order to protect myself from regret and disappointment. I have been there too many times and I want to minimize this kind of unhappiness. I don't see anything wrong with it. I am not a freak because I value monogamy? And yet I am judged because of it. I don't care what everyone else does just those I choose to be around and establish a relationship. I just prefer not to hang out with victim type and flaky types. And this doesn't mean that one needs to be perfect, just decent, honest, trustworthy and authentic.Someone who means what they say.

Dear Teal Swan. I've been following all your videos and I feel very greatful for all the spiritual and personal improvement and fulfillment I am having thanks to your valuable and loving teachings. Boundries is exactly one of my bis shadows I needed to worked on, but I was not aware of it and I didn't know how to do it, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Lots of blessings, light and love for you. Big hugs wherever you are dear spiritual teacher.

At last, a proper explanation of boundaries !!!

Now this one confuses me after watching previous vids about anxiety. I live with social anxiety and depression that sucked out almost all my living force that I can berely remember what joy means. In that state I do not want to do anything, I do not want to go to work because I am exhausted of all of social interactions, I do not feel connected to anything. With your advice I would be doing nothing out of constant fear what is real feeling inside me that occupies most of me, and what I understand is my boundary? If I would not push myself to things i I do I would end up isolating to extreme and in far more depressive state, I experience that. So I do not really now again what I should or shouldn't do.

Teal, thanks a million! xox

every time i face a problem i can´t solve alone, i search for a teal video. sometimes there isn´t a video on that topic and i get frustrated. now when that happens usually 2 or 3 days later,when a new video is posted it´s exactly about that problem xD that happened so often ,i had to post it now xD thank you teal for reading my mind and ALWAYS helping me out :)

You have been contributing to my personal development for years and this is the first time I'm leaving a comment. Thank you Teal for all of your content. They have been tremendous help And I cannot believe this is all free content. Your content is worth far more than therapist people pay for. Thank you for being you.

I agre with this to a certain extent. However I I listened to my feelings all of the Time I wouldn't leave my house

after this i think i need therapy haha

Thank you Teal Swan for existing. I love you

I feel boundaries and the talk of them are misunderstood highly more and more. I've met people who set boundaries when they choose or when it suits them then don't hold it. Also, to be accepted by others will alter boundaries. Makes it really hard to make relationships and friendships if we all hide behind so many boundaries that wall off the world.