i have made similar playlist of it, there is just more songs so ye but there is the link : open.spotify.com/playlist/51VS3wnzrvFAoX5rKgAgVN?si=fcab38c2588f44fc
i feel like this for 3 years EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. i'm SO tired of this, i'm giving up already... all i wanted is run away and live in my way, leave school, live my city or even country... I just wanted to feel peace. I don't feel this for years... I think i never did.
@@dwllusa I’m also thinking about running away. Experience real adventures. But i know it’s not possible. And I also have a good chance getting a bright future here.
for as long as i can remember I've always felt like i wasn't in control of my body, like I'm running on autopilot. Like life is just a show and someone is making choices for me, like my physical body is just a puppet. Everything feels distant as i can't touch it for real, everything i touch feels simulated. When i was 6, i remember asking my mom "isn't it weird that... we're physically here? that we really have a body?" And what's really frustrating is that people misuse the actual medical terminology for dissociation, associating it with "being spaced out" when it's not like that at all. It's so much more than that. Thanks for this playlist, it makes me feel a bit more understood
Sometimes thinking of the universe make me feel dissociated, it's just too giant for us, we never will know the truth of it. Millions of galaxies, millions of solar systems and millions of planets, will we ever discover them?. Sometimes I'm starving of knowledge, I want to know everything about the space. And sometimes I wanna scape there, I want to be in the universe, just exploring, floating, crying, and knowing there is more than this boring life.
This is the kind of thing that I think about all of the time. And same. How is it that space exists? Galaxies, solar systems, planets, how does any of it exist and how does it all work? How does the entirety of our universe work? How does earth work? How did earth come to be? We're these living, breathing, thinking beings. We have our own consciousness, our own thoughts, minds. We each feel, see, hear, smell, taste and process things differently to one another. Why and how do humans even exist? How do our bodies work? We're just somehow able to move these limbs connected to our bodies, we're able to hear things in our mind, think things.. each human has their own thought process and ways of existing. One day, the earth just came about and at some point humans just.. began existing. Of course, through evolution and "humans" back then were nothing like modern humans now. But they were still just like us, they thought, they felt, physically and mentally, they saw, they heard, they tasted, everything we can do. How is it that here on earth, the only planet with living beings (as far as we know, which is a bit unnerving to think about), and we all just exist on this one planet together, in the midst of this universe.. and have been for hundreds and thousands of years. How do our bodies, how do humans work, how does the universe work, how are we just living on this floating sphere, existing in the middle of nowhere, and we're able to live like how we are. One day, maybe in a thousand or so years, maybe in a million, all humans would have perished and there would be no living being to remember our existence. We would just vanish, as if we were never there, even though we've been here for so long. Everyone, all of us, gone. No souls, no humans, no anything left. Maybe the earth would be completely destroyed, and the universe would just be other planets, galaxies, etc.. weird.
It makes me feel worthless or meaningless, and fills me with sadness that the earth is beautiful but I cannot (neither can anyone) help everyone to where everyone can see the beauty. I just feel empty and in a loop almost.
Dissociating is scary, when I first dissociated it felt like I was being waken up from a coma-like dream, I felt like falling of just magically waking up from a coma. Even worse it was in the middle of the field.
actually, right now i feel like i'm not here for others. i'm always the one who texts first but never gets texted. i'm always left out, i'm in a trio... i feel like i'm here just when they need something. i'm the one who everybody knows but never talks to. i feel like nothing, void, just a ghost, like i'm already dead. i always yap and vent to my friends and they're like it's a competition. i already attempted, i got in a psychiatric hospital and nobody cared about that. i'm always here for everyone, but nobody's here when i need something, even just a hug.
i sold my soul for happiness, but i didnt think of how can i feel happy without a soul. now, because of myself i dont have both. i just have a body and a mouth which moves on their own. i cant feel like im living. once, when i was six or seven, i tried to cut my ears because of how loud my own thoughts and the other peoples talk or the silence itself are. i dont regret any second of that. i just regret that i couldnt cut my ears. present, wherever i am is just too quiet or too loud. but silence is louder than the word "loud"
Every flower is a display of beautiful petals that capture the adoration and gaze of its viewer. The most popular of which comes from a forest of thorns, the rose. Funerals, Valentine’s Day, and romantic outings are just some occasions on which a rose can be seen. At times they’re white, sometimes red, and, heck, even yellow. Roses are a sign of friendship, love, and loss. A beauty only we can admire for its thorns repel any animal that tries to approach it. Unlike them, the rose's beauty captures us and lures us in. Regardless of their spikes, we still grow and gift them. Their spikes are removed before they even reach the market. No one wants a spiky rose. Some people grow them and pluck them with the thorns and all. They believe these deliver nutrients to the plant, keeping it alive for longer. Though, as all said, no one dares to give a spiky rose. One gentle stroke, and you’ll get pricked, resulting in a small, painful injury. “Flowers are delicate plants.” but the thorns with which they are surrounded beg to differ. The rose is a strong plant that can maintain and protect itself. But what if there were no thorns? Underneath all its defenses (which aren’t many), the rose is another fragile exhibit of nature's beauty. We remove the thorns because doing so diminishes the risk of injury. Removing the thorns, stripping the rose of its protection, all for the sake of a nice counterpiece. Tarnishing its surface for a pretty sigh that will last no longer than a week. Roses are living organisms, much like us. And like the rose, we all cut off our thorns for the sake of likability. To be someone others can hold and admire. Most of us anyway. There are some that are riddled with spikes, puncturing anyone who dares to get close to them. Making them unable to be held. Sometimes it's anger. Sometimes it's not intentional; sometimes it's all they know. Others were born spikeless but eventually grew some after being damaged and rough-handled. Some have small spikes, and some have big spikes. Some are just temporary, and others are permanently held on too. Usually, depending on the extent of the injury they received. The spikeless have little to no tolerance or sympathy for the thorn-infested. “It was a long time ago," “It wasn’t that bad," and “Just get over it” are some words commonly said to the spiked. The spikeless might start off treating the thornful with sympathy, but due to a slow recovery pace or inability to function like the rest, they are often pushed aside and forgotten, being labeled as "toxic." Some of these “toxic” people are the most erratic of the bunch, going from having thick, long spikes and puncturing everyone in sight to being one of the most apologetic and empathetic flowers you’ll meet. A seemingly horrible and menacing person shifts to a beggar on their knees, praying for forgiveness in a matter of seconds. One day, they are invincible. No matter how bad things go, they never seem to get mad or lose their temper, but the next day they’re tying a noose over a stained shirt. They can go from being the most optimistic individual to the saddest person you know in a matter of minutes. This could make the smoothest of roses grow a spike or two, always on the edge for the next swing to knock them off their feet. This would put anyone in a state of distress and exhaustion. You don’t know what's coming next; you don’t know when it’s coming or why. Always being on your guard for the next temper eruption. Why would anyone stick around such a rose? A rose so many abhor? A rose that self-destructs one moment and preaches healthy habits the next. Such a turbulent, nerve wrecking person must be unhealthy to be around. Why stick around? Is it because they were once a mentally grounded, fun rose to be around?
@@yangon963 I perfected it. Every flower showcases beautiful petals that captivate the gaze and admiration of its viewers. Among them, the rose stands out, often found amidst a forest of thorns. At funerals, on lover’s day, or during romantic dates, roses appear in hues of white, red, or yellow, symbolizing friendship, love, and loss. Their beauty is undeniable, though their thorns serve as a deterrent to those who would approach. Despite this, we grow and gift roses, removing their thorns before they reach the market. No one wants a spiky rose. Some believe that thorns nourish the plant, keeping it thriving for longer. Yet, no one dares to present a rose with its thorns intact. A single prick can cause a painful wound. "Flowers are delicate," they say, but the thorns challenge that notion. Without thorns, a rose is exposed and vulnerable, stripped of its natural defense for the sake of beauty; a fleeting display that may last no more than a week. Roses, like us, often shed their thorns to be more likable, to be held and admired. Some individuals are laden with emotional thorns, making them difficult to approach. Their spikes, whether of anger or defense, can wound those who come near. Others, initially without thorns, develop them through life’s hardships. The severity and permanence of these spikes vary, depending on the extent of their injuries. The spikeless often lack empathy for those with thorns. They may dismiss past pain with comments like, “It was a long time ago,” or “Just get over it.” While they may offer sympathy initially, they quickly grow impatient with slow recoveries and label the thorn-infested as “toxic.” Ironically, those with thorns can sometimes offer the most genuine support. Their own spikiness allows them to connect with others who share similar struggles, without causing additional harm. They may shift from being erratic and prickly to showing deep empathy and understanding. One moment they seem invincible, and the next, they are overwhelmed with despair. Their emotional fluctuations can be jarring, but they offer unique insight and connection to those who understand their plight. In the end, it’s often the thorny, turbulent roses that provide the most profound support to others. Their ability to relate to and assist others comes from their own deep, lived experience. Though their presence may be challenging, it is their willingness to reach out despite their own pain that makes them surprisingly effective companions. So, next time you encounter a rose, remember that even amidst its thorns, there can be profound beauty and support. In the shifting, thorn-infested lives of these roses, you may find the strength and empathy that truly resonate.
it doesnt get better. ive been dealing with this for 7 months on and off and when it disappears i think it has finally gotten better but it comes back again. i cant breathe im so tired of fighting myself and no one even knows. theres like a black hole eating inside me and everything just feels like a mild distraction from it. it feels like im going to get consumed by it and i cant do anything about it. i cannot do anything. i just want to fall asleep and never wake up i want to disappear so badly i dont know what to do.
Thing is, it does get better even if you have to wait 30 years and you might think well I don’t wanna wait 30 years but the outcome is amazing if you let it happen
I had to wait around 20 years for small steps in the direction of betterment. It can get better, especially if you‘ve been dealing with it for under a year. Though of course every day with it is one day too much… Doing things for depression might help ease it a bit. Like having a structured day with enough idle/ down time to relax. Regular breathing exercises. Going to the doctor. If you can‘t get meds, there are prescription free options like St. John‘s Wort in high dosage. A healthy sleep schedule and minimizing stressors as best as possible. Therapy or journalling is essential. There are helpful videos online to also start this alone. I believe in you.
я общался с лучшей подругой на личные темы и в какой-то момент она сказала "теперь понятно почему у тебя нет друзей". я решил выйти из сети на пару дней и нашел этот плейлист
lowk real ill be seeing ppl “erm” “oh!!” I dont understand the need to be so rude under a post where everyone doesnt have any mean intention, i mean sure you can find it cringe but theres no need to make a toxic reply ☹️
I want to talk a little here, my life has been very difficult for me, the people I live with call me a monster, and when I try to show my affection I am reciprocated with a cold and empty heart, I have reached a point of emotional exhaustion where I can't even speak, I keep myself far enough away from everything and everyone, maintaining a routine of daily crying, I am tired of myself and I can't take it anymore, I have fits of laughter that have made me faint three times this week alone, proving that my sanity no longer exists... these songs remind me of when I was happy, thank you
I tend to put songs on that help me feel my emotions out better when I am dissociating but this is actually so calming... Not really something to sleep to but definitely something to just daze out and get lost in. I like it a ton even if I'm not sure I'll listen to this often, it does its job. Maybe I'd personally use it as gaming music... Just to help submerse me into that. :3
listening to this hits when your verbally/mentally abusive father insults you and does every bad thing impossible, your friend thinks you were mocking her dead cousin, and you just ended 3 and maybe 4 close friendships.
все эти песни напоминают мне старый городок в котором я жила, мне в нем было очень хорошо и уютно до того, как родители меня перевезли в другую страну, да что там страну, на другой континент. я оставила там всех своих друзей и родных, не считая своих родителей конечно, теперь я каждую ночь слушаю плейлист и вспоминаю свой уютный и родной питер. и радостно и грустно.
I moved from Germany to the USA and haven't been able to visit any of my family there, i have family in America too but they live in other States, also I live in the boring countryside so I don't meet prople😢
Everytime I have free time, I just make up scenarios. I dont read, I dont write, I just think about characters in my brain that have been there for years. And then I sometimes act like them. Its sorta therapeutic ig. When I cant think about those characters life just feels empty. Like I'm staring at a computer screen, watching a video. Sometimes I just forget to move. Its weird. I'm not sure if anything is real tbh. Maybe im just overreacting
just music and people makes me feel something, i don't feel anything when i'm alone. I feel nothing, just an empty inside of me when i'm alone, but sometimes when i think about people i can feel something, or when i'm listening to music (i always do) edit: i don't even remember how it is to feel real, alive. The last time i felt this way alive was in 2021. I got used to this feeling, but it still hurts because i feel like i will never feel normal again.
Yo solo quiero dejar de respirar, dejar de oir, dejar de sentir, dejar de vivir, dejar de llorar, dejar de creer, dejar de saber, dejar de ser, dejar de entender, dejar de recordar esos momentos, dejar de recaer cada vez mas fuerte que la anterior cuando todo iba tan bien, ya tenia metas, si sigo en vida no es por mi, es porque si muero pasarian muchas cosas, victimizaciones, tristezas absurdas, mentiras, algunas personas quedarian con dudas, las personas que me quieren y yo quiero estarian lastimadas, asi que no me llamen egoista, pero hay veces en las que siento que no todo el tiempo voy a poder seguir por los demas, porque... osea, esta bien que yo haga de todo para que ellos esten bien y se sientan bien, pero... ¿QUE HAY DE LO QUE YO SIENTO?. Personas me han dicho querer ayudarme, y en el primer intento se retiran sin decir nada, u otras se inventan alguna excusa creible para alguien tan tonto como yo, ¿sere yo el problema?... Ya denme el sueño eterno, quisiera dormir de una manera tan profunda en la que tarde dias, semanas, meses, años, o a lo mejor una eternidad sin despertar es lo que yo merezco...
I felt out of control of myself and my life for multiple months, now Im just on autopilot, only occaisionally snapping out of it. I thought this was normal until I was chating with my gf a few months ago and whent "oh, this isnt good, am I even okay? Am i even me?" (She heard this over the phone out of context lmao) *I meant weeks!
I think my disassociation has been going on for so long I genuinely don’t think therapy is going to help. I have an appointment scheduled for this Thursday, but I really feel like I’ve let it go too far. :/
I live in a constant state of dissociation, and when I’m not dissociating I freak tf out. It comes in phases that’s the best way I can describe it. I’ll be ok for months and then one day I’ll just stop and I won’t be ok for a couple weeks until I start again. I’m in this sort of middle state right now like I’m aware I’m not there but I am?? Idk how to explain it. I’ve stppped seeing my therapist and psychiatrist because I started college and don’t have time but I feel like I’m starting to have a toll on me I can’t sleep anymore.
вчера рассталась с парнем. я люблю его больше жизни и он меня любил. если бы я была чуточку умнее и сдержаннее, этого бы не случилось. я делала ему больно своими шутками, да и не только ими. не могу смириться с тем что случилось, представляю его рядом со мной. может, это не конец. быт может, мы увидимся, поговорим и всё уладим. но боюсь что это невозможно. прости меня, мой лучик. я так люблю моменты когда ты произносил моё имя. так ласково, с таким трепетом. я навсегда останусь твоей куколкой. буду любить и скучать. умоляю тебя, приходи ко мне во снах хоть иногда..
i always tell my friends when im in that state to not touch me. my brain makes me feel like im just a spectator. so when i get touched i appreciate it but i dont because it also pulls me out of that state of dissociation. but it also makes me panic like im fucking psycho. and it happens a lot so now im in a fucking sped class. like im normal i swear. just mentally ill. i have the average A's and B's in school. i dont see the need for that class. i dont have a learning disability.
Please try to remember this comment for as long as you can❤ Feel every emotion you have to in life, you need to cry and laugh as much as you fucking can, you can’t have one without the other so please please please feel sad so you can feel happy and feel happy so you can feel sad ♡ I’m so proud of you for existing this long, I hope you can lead yourself through the rest of your life knowing your worth ♡
I constantly feel like I’m in a simulator, like there’s no heaven, hell or anything but I’m just some random immortal guy who got a VR headset stuck on
Spent an entire decade in this state. I only realize its impact on my life when it disappears, just for the duration of the vacations. I forget what people tell me 2 second after they told me, I forget my bike everyday in front of my house, I can't have more than 2 friends at the same time, at the risk of not remembering anything of their daily lives, of what they've told me they've been through, even if it's important, sad. I forgot my wallet with all my cards and money in it a week before going back to "school" on a bus; when I came back, it had obviously been stolen. I lived in an imaginary world that caused me to destroy my life for 3 years. I don't remember my schooling from the age of 14 to 17. It doesn't matter how old the person is, I'm still out of step with them. Enough. Now I'm fine I think, I really think I am. I just need my lil spleen I guess
I feel like my brain is full of paralyzing fog and I can't really see what's in front of me. My eyes are always so tired. I'm disconnected enough to be far too self aware, but still connected enough to feel. So I feel the need to express myself,but when i do, I see every flaw in the non-factual statements I make. I see hope as more of a thing I do for others rather than myself, because hope is an intrinsic part of me, not something I have to do for myself. Maybe losing some hope disconnected me from myself. Maybe that's why I feel so painfully numb, yet free. I've rambled. I've deleted parts that matter to me. I'll share it anyway. Maybe I'll regret it later.
the first time I had a dissociation, was there when I had almost 7/8 years old, I was riding a bike and I almost crash with a cement post 🥸 But when I had 7 years I remember perfectly than I had a kind of dissociation than my soul left my body and I can saw me from a 3rd perspective because of a traumatic moment in the classroom
I never could understand myself, mine personality, feelings, issues. I always would and will take from existing characters quirks, traits and find them the best way to basically explain my issues. It keep happening for so long that I don't care anymore to learn my actual personality if there's even one and not just awful mix of traits of the fictional characters and celebrities.
