Please excuse me while I sink the hell out of Battleship 

Did I just watch 2 hours of snark? Yes. Did I enjoy every minute of it? Also yes, good job SCS.

My roommate, who is navy reserve, believe that the most unbelievable part of Battleship is that any could get the steam plant up and running in less than a week.

As an EW and the EMCON coordinator on USS Sacramento, I loathed cell phones and those using them. During an exercise in SOCAL we were detected and "sunk" because morons decided to disobey the order of no cell phone use to call whoever. Our CO got dressed down by the Admiral, and it flows down hill. But my ideas were shot down due to being too strict. Use a cell, explain to the XO why you should get your cell back. Too strict my rear. I may lose my life due to someone who want to say sweet nothings to someone. Screw them.

When I was a Midshipman 2/C training in Newport for ROTC I met up with a brand new O4 doctor who saluted me first. I had to explain to him just how far above me he was in rank and why I was duty bound to salute him first. EDIT AFTER WATCH: If you can indeed turn off reality this is a pretty good movie. If you can't this is worse than watching Pearl Harbor with Vietnam era ships getting bombed by the Japanese.

When I saw this movie, the plot I found was an alien diplomatic dispatch with its escort, lost their diplomatic and communication ship in orbit. Then, only the military escort was left, who then tried to reestablish communication with the home base. Also, I hope you return again. It took some time to find your shipyard and get all the logistics set up to "borrow" your compressor to make my dice empire. Where am I to get the awesome dices made from museum pieces and definitely-not-stolen spaceships?

A great depiction of a relationship between a chief and an officer is Chief Harkness and his relationship with Prescott Tremain on his way from Ensign to Commodore in the Honor Harrington series.

Jon carter was generally entertaining if nothing else and there is more than enough material in it's verse for an entire cinematic universe. Battleship on the other hand has it's entertaining bits and the rest is forgettable at best.

"precipitously moving the shipyard" Normally, I'd ask, 'What did you do?' but if I don't know, I can't testify.

I love how the Royal Navy at some point basically did away with conning towers because the officers refused to use them.

Being taken out by a satellite is very reasonable, those thins can be a 1+ metric ton pile of tinfoil and wires(aka the grapeshot round equivalent) moving at the orbital velocity of 8 kilometres per second (lets skip addition of speed vectors from the approaching alien ship), and it is a lot, as in 10 times the canon projectile speed, and with E=m* V^2 /2, so total energy of 1 unit of mass is 100 times more - in the end it is an impact with a metric ton of pure murderous hatred in kinetic energy form, so for spaceships that can be destroyed with WW2 naval cannons, it was only possible outcome.

I'm gonna be honest, this video made me MORE interested in the film then I was before. Great video. Be safe and bon voyage.

Well, looks like SCS is running from port Authorities after being caught up on too many cube related scandals. Hope everything goes well Dock Master.

Hopefully the move goes well. This was great I would love to see this format continue with some other movies

1:40:36 I mean, going inside the conning tower depends on the officer and the navy. from what I know what you said is indeed the case in the US Navy. But apparently many British Royal Navy officers did not use the connning towers as they valued visibility more than survivibility (also the fact that if the conning tower does get hit by a shell you are likely dead even if you are inside, it did protect against shrapnel unlike the regular bridge). Since British officers did not often use the conning tower they were removed from some later ships. 1:49:40 true, thought there are passageways in the battleships to move (by rolling on its side iirc) the shells from aft magazine/turret to bow and vice versa.

Many captains chose to stay on the bridge during combat as opposed to going into the armored conning tower.

"Lieutenant Captain" sounds like the Navel officer's version of the Army "Corporal"

One note: the US Navy's Nuclear Aircraft carriers are able to sort of slide sideways during harsh maneuvers, partially due to how fast they are, but what the Missouri is doing in that scene is called clubhauling. That was an extremely risky maneuver pulled by Age of Sail ships in which they employed the anchor to swing the aft of the ship out and turn in a much tighter radius than is normally possible with the rudder alone. Now, whether or not that kind of thing is possible with a 50,000 ton battleship doing 30 knots...

You know a video is good when 2 hours fly by in a blink.

Iirc there is an Act that Congress made saying that at least 2 of the Iowa Class Battleships are to be kept fit and ready to he thrown back into service whenever needed. Edit: Ok it was the National Defense Authorization Act of 1996 which kept the New Jersey and Wisconsin in the reserves until NDAA 1999 in which New Jersey was swapped out for Iowa. NDAA 2006 required Iowa and Wisconsin to be kept and maintained in a state of readiness is ever needed, this is still the case today.

Former "Square Barrel," or VLS, Gunners Mate here. I watched this movie for the sole purpose of nitpicking it in its entirety, seeing as I lived on a Destroyer for three years. Never had Barret rifles in our armory, though when I first got there we had Vietnam era M-14 rifles, M-79 grenade launchers, and M-60 machine guns. And M-2HB fifty cals. Never any Barrets, though.

At least I would say that this is the more enjoyable and more rational one of the two movies about goalless slackers who have defining character moments when hitting on girls in bars somehow leads to them getting their asses kicked badly but they defiantly refuse to give up fighting, after which they are talked to by characters who take on a kind of father role, who are officers in a type of military fleet and who get the slackers to also sign up for the fleet in which they eventually commit some violation for which they are about to be expelled when an out-of-context enemy attacks and in the unfolding events they end up as the acting captains of the only ships that still have a chance to stop the enemies.

Why did they get the order of ribbons right and the location of the pins right when everything else is wrong? Because a movie is not made by a single person but by many different people and the person who happened to be in charge of that aspect of the naval uniforms was one of the GD professionals on the movie crew.

Nothing in the verse is stronger than the American 16/50. Except for the 5/38.

This was one of my favorite movies growing up because “big boat go kaboom”

Hey there are a series of rail on the battleship to move ammo and equipment ( yes there's one down Broadway connecting all main guns

I love this guy! I listen to him at 1.5 speed and he comes across as a PERFECT paced rant. Try it

Maybe those *_*ahem_* pegs are magnetic? That's why all of them landed straight.

I always confuse battleship with that explodey card game. I see your fleet away on drills and raise one overspecialised broadcast ship. Okay. I see your one overspecialised broadcast ship and raise you one this merchant vessel is actually armed. I see your merchantman, and raise one giant space laser. You're out of ships. I see your giant space laser, and raise you one police prowler, a cybertruck and two roadsters. But you were out of ships? No no. I'm talking about the rovers we tossed right before the turn and burn. Hope you like kippers. They should be with you momentarily.

Direct entry candidates?? Super tims? Can tell you the cube of a jar of pickles, but need to be told how to open the jar?

“Grabs popcorn”.

Re: Battleships Yeah, no way that they could ever get the ship up and running in any meaningful time. Would have to open up the welded over seachests to get water into the ship. Would have to clean off all of the protective grease/paint crap off all of the components. THEN you have to fire everything up. Bootstrapping a battleship is not something you would ever want to have to do. Also, the museum contracts specifically forbid the museum from even thinking about reactivating the steam systems. However! They totally could have moved the shells along the length of the ship. Battleships have overhead rails specifically to be able to move heavy equipment (and shells) around the ship if needed. According to the Battleship New Jersey Museum and memorial shells would generally be loaded at one location and then moved along the ship to whichever turret needed them. Of course, they wouldn't be man handling it either so... still wrong 8)

The citadel of battleships was the big armored box that contained the powerplant and magazines, not the armored conning tower.

People can no suvive being shells they will not in the ocean with out a ship. The ocian is hell and every sailer knows that.

Hey man the Battleship game based off the movie for the DS was actually pretty good

Up-armor a hamster. ROFL!

The aliens in Battleship strictly obey the Geneva Conventions. The humans cheat at _every_ possible turn and in _every_ possible way and are celebrated as heroes for it. I mean, the little brother wins by putting an extra ship on the board for crying out loud! Meanwhile, a great many complaints about the aliens, their ships and their actions not making sense actually make *PERFECT* sense if you realize they're a low-gravity, low-light adapted species who NEVER go "weapons free" at any point in the movie. I'd even go so far as to call the giant laser "communications" laser a giant laser canon and the "communications satellite" a disguised Cold War era nuke. The movie takes on a whole new dimension if you approach it as the pro-humie propaganda film it so obviously is.

54:40 Starfighter and Jedi Starfither actually play with that a little. It's interesting.

They got Liam's uniform totally correct, because he didnt get to kill anyone in this movie, and the props department did NOT want to be the target of his need to kill something in every movie he has ever been in.

1:08:57 Do we value each other, or do we just hate the ocean just as much as it hates us? I'm gonna go with both.

Loved this, got my Sub. Love the tone and breath of knowledge.

The Navy stuff is a bit of a light give away, as some of this I hadn't heard with such detail, and the mix of vitriol and nostalgia since a friend who worked the reactor on a sub talked with me about such things. Kinda wondered about that drift of the battleship thing, but it is a maneuver concept hearkening back to ships of the line I feel, where a true expert was said to do miracles. That would definitely be. As far as not seeing the channel for a bit, I hope it is short lived, as people speaking smartly on tech matters is out of vogue in most of the sphere, and aside from prepper and DIY communities, not often popular. I know also you may have burned most of the best material, but I guarantee there is a lot more, such as the alien ships of say, war of the worlds(any of them for different reasons) just as first in mind from another channel. Transformers themselves, there is engineering not making sense, but looking good anyway. Hope there will be more at some point, really do.

I love the movie battleship (yes it's nostalgia fueled;no I don't find it realistic;because battleship go boom boom boom)

I know it’s not science fiction. But now I kind of want to hear your commentary on “Down Periscope”.

They came up with the new boars game first, then said hear make a 2 hour commercial.

the US military pays movie studios to show them in a good light so i'd guess the reason why some of the scenes are very accurate is the deal.

31:49 maybe it was the nuclear powered transmission satellite?

Bro the anchor tho how what the fuck is the depths of the sea floor... Wait that won't even work. Oh also I'm pretty sure the guns where fucking demilled and bro this shit is just fucked up

Peg uses magnet maybe?

Loving on John Carter (of Mars) is always gonna make me like you more.

I'm only a civvie, but I am going to make an educated guess and say that tech-guys are recruited into the navy as limited-duty officers. Basically, skilled programmers and other computer technicians. Main reason behind this guess is, well... _gestures at all the advanced technology that a fully-modernized military uses._

great video, very informative for someone who doesn't know dick about navy

ayo this one's long

The pegs seem more like disney bombs.

You can use cellphones on ships, EMCON can be situational. Aboard the Kitty Hawk the downright freaking Amazing Japanese cellphones we had worked in surprising area's. We could normally get reliable signals a day and a half, maybe two days from pulling back into port. No OPSEC to break. Certain countries and Guam we could also get a signal about a day and a half to two days out. My second ship USS O'Kane DDG-77 we were allowed to make phone calls a few hours prior to pulling in. BUT on a Burke courtesy of the beyond amazing SPY-1/ AEGIS system you weren't calling anyone. Hell you couldn't get a reliable signal for the first few hours after pulling back in thanks to SPY-1..

I remember four things from this movie: There are spaceships jumping on the ocean, there are buzzsaw drones wrecking a ship, there is some dome field thingy, and there is a "We need a bigger boat so we take this museum piece" scene.

"Destroyers have never had a drag race." Nor ever swamped a barge train by speeding up a river, either...

I absolutely love it when the Dockmaster loses his sh*t, especially over minor details like "They got the ribbons right and everything else wrong."

I love how us humans have this love of picking fights with technologically superior aliens, but the aliens have to have some easily expolitable weakness like light or water or a computer virus. Like, we want to be the underdogs, but we keep pitting ourselves against such incredibly incompetent aliens that there’s little chance of humanity’s failure.

Though, as a point of order, they actually DID take the Missouri out. The studio was able to film while she went on her last maintenance cruise after the dry docking before she was permanently shut down. So the footage of Missouri under weigh is the actual footage outside of the combat scenes of the ship moving.

2 hours? 2 HOURS? You turned a 5 minute video into a cube! It's beautiful!

On moving the shells through the battleship, the USS New Jersey's channel talked about the overhead rails on broadway (a wide passageway down the middle of the ship that connects all three turrets) that was used to move shells between the ship's three main gun magazines. They would basically strap the shell to that and push it along,because there was no way in hell they could move a shell that large around without assistance.

I'm assuming whoever did their uniforms for them was actually former military. Because uniforms are the least bad thing about this entire movie. Rank insignia, ribbon placement, that sort of thing. Their uniform department was on point. Everyone else appears to have been on drugs

I can definitively say that the biggest flaw with the film is actually that Liam Neeson never does anything more aggressive than yelling at anyone. He never kills anyone. I mean, how do you make a film with Liam fracking Neeson and not have him at least punch someone?!

When a boardgame is more accurate that a film you have to wonder why you watched it.

I adore this channel not only for the sci-fi commentary and humorous rants, but the occasional sea story that gets passed along for us humies to revel in and hopefully learn from.

After watching this, I really wanna see your take on Battle: LA. Great rant as always, Dockmaster!!

The ship actually has a still functioning hoist for doing that exact 'haul a round from one side of the ship to the other' situation. Chalk another instance of the movie getting it almost right.

As a former Ordie I can truly appreciate your comment about "maintainers being the only ones who don't enjoy mini guns" 🤣

I saw this movie out of curiosity. And was confused and a few WTF moments. OK, more than a few. It was fun to watch, but knowing how long it takes to light off the boilers on an active warship, there is no way in Hades they could get that old girl underway. And that is just the beginning.

MC: “you know what I’m going to wear sunglasses!” Everyone not part of this move: “okay that was always allowed”

“They start as seamen” Don’t we all?

The (totally fictional) anecdote of what might conceivably be ddg drag racing is exactly the stuff that i watch this channel for. Apart from the colorful language.

I imagine that the "chivalry" of navy men and pilots is because basic humies can do fuck all in this kind of warfare. In the sky, your enemy is an aircraft, or an AA gun; on the ocean, it's a ship, sub or bomber. Once the actual vehicle is out of action, the human operating it is less threatening to you than the salt water he's currently bobbing around in. But if you in the army, you have to deal with the person - because even in the age of tanks and artillery, a mad bastard with a knife will still end you. I have to assume that because you need to fight a man, not the man's vehicle, it requires you to dehumanise your enemy in ways that other services need not necessarily do.

The best theory that I've heard as to the weird tech and tactics of the aliens is that they are not a military force, but a mining expedition. That would explain why they have a ton of explosive charges and stuff.

Wow!! YAY!!! I wondered if ye had a grand project underway, and now I see my hypothesizing has been accurate! What a lovely day!!! ^^

Feel like your taking a play out of Arch Warhammer playbook of indepth commentary. Thank you sir

"how did converging lasers merging into one become a thing?" A New Hope.

I always noticed in this movie that the aliens were reactive the entire time and didn't kill non-combatants, adding in that the ship that was destroyed on atmospheric entry was a communications ship, this was likely a legitimate attempt at first contact instead of an invasion force, the humans essentially just killed a bunch of exploratory scientists and their protection detail. We don't send civilians on our exploratory missions to space, we send the military

I dimly recall seeing the trailer, and laughing at it despite my near-total ignorance of boaty matters. If I could spot so many absurdities in the compressed time of the trailer flashing by, the movie had to be be pretty darn absurd.

Moving a shipyard isn't easy. It's not like you can mount FTL engines on it and Jump to another sector in its current configuration.

"A lot of binoculars get lost, or get dropped over the side, and your Navy has simply tired of paying for new ones." Admiral Rozhestvensky: [heavy breathing]

The one thing I will 100% die on the hill for this movie is that they didn't make the main chatachter into the actual hero. Instead they made it very clear to me, that the real heros were Big Mo herself and the crew of old timers, for the water based part. And then they had the Vet with two prosthetic legs the real hero on the dirtside action.

the only good funny moment from that movie that i remember Old Sailor: "Let's drop some lead on these mother-" *battleship gun fires in convenient censoring to keep movie pg-13*

I really don't care. I am fully aware that almost nothing in this movie makes zero sense in any way, shape or form, but I love it. Call it a guilty pleasure, but watching the Battleship smacking the alien ship with a broadside or a veteran with artificial legs beating the crap out of the alien soldier is just so much fun. And to be honest, I am still somewhat impressed that they actually managed to somehow cram the _game_ into the movie and even in a way that makes at least somewhat sense. So yeah, I still love this movie.

one thing to note about the whole "finding the source of the signal" thing is that, assuming that the satellite was transmitting once every 24 hours (the maximum for some BS reason, I guess the scientists didn't know how to properly orbit a satellite for such a function), the aliens likely have sensors that could see the ground-to-satellite signal as they approached the Earth, thereby allowing them to ignore the satellite (which they likely identified as a repeater) in favour of the actual installation on the ground.

When I was in school after Boot camp, they had quite a few d.i.l.d.os. They were pretty chill people, some even got permission to join the fleet as command officers. Never knew you could be an officer to teach calculus to a bunch of blue shirts till then.

I never thought that i would watch a 2 hour movie realism review, but i’m glad i did :) also, it didn’t feel like 2 hours :)

I loved this movie solely for the Battleship porn that was on display. I enjoyed the movie, but only for the ship on ship action. I take great joy from the magical drifting of a battleship. This movie is a guilty pleasure akin to Pacific Rim.

The sunglasses thing was a thing because the alien ship has tainted artillery proef windows. Thats so the ones controling the ship wouldn't be blinded by the sun. And the human protagonist's could shoot and break the windows with rifles, thus blinding the alien pilot with the rising sun because it didn't have sunglasses

I’m disappointed there’s no “peg” counter on the top right 😂

Point of Order . Cavitation is NOT air bubbles . It is Vacuum Bubbles . MUCH more serious . And yes Potential Catastrophic Damage to Props AND drive-line . The Short Barrel M-82 inside the Helicopter anecdote made me Snicker . There's a REASON they are Long . Very LONG . lol . The Alien Star could be somewhat Redder , but still Hot enough to provide a Habitable M-type planet . So Blue light would be BAD for them . And UV maybe deadly . Vampire Burn Deadly . You sound like you might ACTUALLY have been Navy at some point . I was . Australian Navy . Engineering . Yep . This IS a Popcorn Flick . Like the Die-Hards . Best of Luck moving the Storage Facility .

Yes, Galactica got it right with the 'Galactica actual'. Man, now I need to watch it again. I love that show. SOUND POWERED PHONES GODDAMIT!

You are 100% correct about John Carter of Mars; the release of which, as I understand it, coincided with a change of some Übermaus at Disney who decided to shaft their predecessor's work so thoroughly that it made lousy box office returns. This was a crime of epic proportions as the film was that rarest of beasts, an improvement on the source material (and I really enjoyed the books) and deserved at least one sequel.

No one ever mentions about how the navy was told to sink some boats and they did but lost just as many boats. But you tell the army to take the hill and the army was like "ok... fine... but were only sending one guy... and hes not gonna have any legs! Dont want to go overkill on these idiot aliens."

How would anything start? ALL FLUIDS(Fuel, Hydraulics, Water, etc) were OFF-LOADED before it went into the mothball fleet, let alone a museum ship.

The meuseum, Battleship New Jersy has thier own youtube channel and a lot of usefull info about the battleship. The main center corridor between turrets 1, 2 and 3, known as Broadway, can be used to move rounds between the turrets. They have a rail overhead, for a drop crane system for moving heavy pieces of equipment and 16in rounds through the ship if needed.

For the spinney things it is simple first you get a hedgehog and a vat of blue paint...

The dock master reminds me of 2 other veteran youtubers. Ones a marine veteran, the other is fort Polk veteran who's obsessed with guns The dock master is the navy equivalent, and I would like to see how he and Zach would get along. Ones all about guns, the other likes ships, or something. Both are grumpy, both have interesting stories, both most likely delt with incompetence within the military.

Way more than I thought when you said we needed to make time.

When enlisted personal start as seamen. (Laughs hysterically in Marine)