You know what’s crazy.. is when I spoke about parenting struggles I got dms saying “why are you complaining omg” and I was so upset because it came from other women, people who should understand. It’s not complaining, it’s a reality and if it sounds bad it’s because at times it can be.
So happy to see you commenting and supporting another fellow RU-vid mama. I have a 4 month old and 4 year old. I wish more “influencers” shared this reality.
We women, still can not speak up...hold on, evolution will get there... :D cross fingers! I needed honest people, real mothering advices, testemonies to help me out ... it is an isolating experience without that.
As someone who currently doesn't have children and also doesn't really plan on it, I want to say how important I still think it is to have honest discussions about motherhood as a benefit to women and society as whole. We can all benefit from knowing what really goes into giving birth to a child and raising them. Having only the rainbows and kitten stories about motherhood just harms future mothers and all parents.
I was going to leave a similar comment. I'm fairly young and unsure if I want kids, and that's mostly because I'm the eldest of my siblings and was very involved with their upbringing. I woke up with my mother when they woke up, after they were weaned I would feed them, I would change their diapers, I would bathe them, I would dress them, put them to sleep, entertain them, I would patiently work through their many fits, I took care of them when they were sick... I mean, it got to the point where I was so attached that when my mom put my brother into daycare I took a job at that daycare cause of the horror stories I've heard about daycares in general. I don't want my mom to look bad. From the perspective of an individualistic society, I'm aware this looks really bad but we come from a collectivistic environment and there was a huge age gap between me and my siblings. My mother was very involved; I was simply helping out of choice and if it became too much I knew I could just hand them to her and walk away with no worry. But if I choose to become a mother, I won't have that. I am the mother. The experience I had took any romantic aspect out of parenthood. I saw how draining it can get. Genuinely, the love you feel for the child is all that can push you through a lot of the times.
You are right. The problem is most people don't want others to judge, so the only put the absolute best out there. When you see only the good things, it makes you feel like you aren't doing something right or aren't good enough because it's not that way for you. It's sad we can't be more honest and supportive.
I had a miscarriage at close to 4 months and although I would give anything to have my son here with me I feel this immense guilt that comes over me at times in my current situation, where I'm like I can't imagine having to be a mom and deal with the desperate situation I'm in at the moment and I find myself sometimes not forgetting but saying out loud wow I'm so glad I don't have kids and then I think about my son that's passed and everything gets convoluted.
As a midwife, I hope you see this and take it in. YOU ARE A GIFT TO NEW PARENTS. Your honesty and vulnerability and humour are such a gift. I'm going to refer my clients to this video.
I 100% agree! I would have loved to hear this when I was a new mum 17 years ago...... I never even sought help because I felt such shame and inadequacy thinking I was the one failing....... whereas in hindsight I see I was just a 21 year old adjusting to life as a mummy responsible for a wee person! x
Yes!!! I have a 7 year old and wish I had seen this video 7 years ago! My daughter had GERD (acid reflux.. constant projectile puke, lots of crying!!!) And 4 weeks of not knowing that this is what it was. And I wish I had this video back then. Thank you on behalf of all new moms out there!!
I gave birth last May with my best friend because The baby daddy left when I was 3 months pregnant. It was honestly soo hard. I was posting baby pictures of her smiling and things like that while feeling like complete misery. Being sleep deprived, having to pee with your newborn on your lap because she is crying, sore nipples and everything. The first 6 months I leggit was wondering why I decided to have a baby. She is almost 1, she still doesn’t sleep, but it does seems better. Props to all the single, solo Mom who are doing it on their own, Im proud of us.
Oh sweet mama I'm so sorry the fa tag her of your child did that, but you are amazing! Such a warrior to go through the most difficult life changing experiences on your own! But know you're never alone ask for help it's ok to not be ok.
Thank you for saying this. I used to feel bad that I looked forward to school starting up each year just to be able to work in peace and quiet for 8 hours. And there are always those "perfect" moms out there that are like "I hate when school starts! I want my kids with me all the time." And I felt like I was just being selfish. There are too many on social media who present their family life as so perfect and no one can, in REAL LIFE, live up to IG perfection. Parenting is hard and we definitely don't have to love every part if it to be great parents. I say this as I try to work from home, a place I rarely leave during this pandemic, while homeschooling my 5th grader and trying to keep my sanity. I've failed in that a number of times. Lol
Yup, I knew kids were in my future but nobody told me it is okay to not always love the journey. Thankfully, I have met people that feel the same and have shown me it is just a different reality of being a parent. And it is okay to not always be okay.
I'll never forget my first dr. appointment after giving (a very traumatic) birth to my first child. I was soo overwhelmed, cried every single day. While sitting in the waiting room at his office, they had you fill out this form...checking for post-partum depression etc. I had checked yes for nearly all. There was another new mother there all put together, hair/makeup etc. She was filling out the same form & started laughing saying..."who would say these things"...It upset me soo badly I almost walked out. The way I felt..soo wrong, abnormal, miserable, alone... It's soo important for women to hear these stories & understand there's nothing wrong w them. Other ppl go through this too. Thank you for sharing your story!!
As someone who chose to be childfree, thank you for being so honest! I feel like you're not only helping mothers and those hoping to be mothers, but also women like me. Many women feel like motherhood is a default, and choosing something different is deviant. They ask for my reason for not having kids. I always want to say, "With everything mothers go through, I feel like you need a good reason TO have kids, not a reason NOT to have them." It's a huge decision that i see too many people take too lightly, in part because of a lack of candid discussion like this.
i completely agree because society makes it seem so magical. people saying “i love my child, but-“ sounds like a big fat lie. people need to be more honest
It’s annoying but not sleeping will add more stress in the long run. It’s not good to be agitated and low energy while trying to tend to your baby. My personal lesson learned.
My mom said that I was a very needy kid, so around 2ish when I became interested in TV, she said the only way she could get any housework done or shower or do anything for herself was when Dora and Blues Clues would come on back to back and she could sit me down at the TV for 1-2 hours a day. Otherwise I would scream and cry if she wasn't at my side or carrying me.
I know... first time parenting advice sucks... we need to be honest to each other... it is frigging hard... and there were days when my daughter would not settle, no matter what I did... one day I just laid her in her crib and went outside for 5 mins ... breathe, and just cried a little!!!😩 Then took a deep breath and went back in and comforted her until she finally slept. Then you have 2hrs maximum to wash, tidy up and if your lucky you may even be able to have a quick shower...
This is why "it takes a village to raise a child" is a popular saying. Because it's true. Community is so so important in all aspects, and why "traditional" and a lot of Asian cultures live in multigenerational households. The individualistic, nuclear family-focused Western culture does not help at all in these circumstances.
Yes! I’ve been saying this for years! Many Americans don’t see this if they never travel to other countries, but I have, and it was my biggest take away from my visits.
Yes!!! And when we moved with my parents people looked down on us and now those people (brother and SIL) have their mother/MIL moving on their property since having their son. Now I think they get it. It takes help and a village. People need to stop bloody judging and just offer help.
@@sarahs7058 I live with my mom and my older sister, and we're neighbors with my uncle, their eldest son and his family, and a handful of other aunts, uncles, grandmas twice-removed etc. After my cousin's wife gave birth, she had to go back to work, but so many of us could stay with the baby. My mom brings over food. Someone else took their laundry. There are other kids to be with when the baby got older. Now, they're doing distance learning together. PPD happens here still, of course, but I think to a lesser extent because the support network is deep and vast. Grandmas who had 14 children during WW2 are a wealth of knowledge, let me tell you that much
Exactly.. Me being from India I live with this reality. The custom of mom to be and a new mom getting full time help from her Mother/MIL is so helpful after listening to Kristi. It takes away a lot of struggle and pain in the initial months of parenthood from the new mom. Never realised it’s importance till I came to know the struggles from the western culture people
PPD is like drowning. And then when someone helps with the baby, it feels like barely treading above water. And then they hand you back the baby and you’re drowning again. And then you’re also adjusting to being a new person, while taking care of a new person, and you’re also grieving who you used to be.
And not knowing who you are anymore. From the instant becoming pregnant, your life isn’t your own anymore. It’s constantly about my baby now, as it should be but it’s really hard. I quit my job to be home, and I loved my job. I miss freedom, my patients & taking the boring days for granted. Post partum was something I didn’t expect for me at all, I wanted our son so badly. We had trouble keeping pregnancies & I wanted to be a mom so bad that I never ever expected to feel blue sometimes. I love my baby so much, he’s everything but I definitely don’t care for myself or live my life nearly like I used to. I don’t know what to do anymore outside of being a mom. That’s what bothers me the most
for me i don't grieve a previous life, but the feeling of overwhelm and drowning some days... it's a lot. I didn't have it so severely with my first chikd, but my second was born in 2020 and ppd.. It's been a whole thing 😓 thank you all for sharing so vulnerably
When I was 6 months pregnant my daughters father left me. “He wasn’t ready to be a dad” a 9 year relationship over. Then becoming a new mom, and doing it alone was literally the hardest thing I’ve EVER had to do. 8 years later, I did it! And I’m still doing it! As you said, taking it minute by minute 💜
This frustrates me... That some Men feel they can just walk away when you are too far gone yourself to turn back... Its not fair, but honestly you are so strong to have gotten through it as a single mother 👏👏
You are going to be a superhero in the eyes of your daughter, you already are. When she's all grown up she will realize how strong and what a beast of a woman you are to be able to do this all alone. I am praying for your health and your daughter's
Oh, Wow! I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine doing that alone! Nine years is a long time to have been with him. Praying God will lead, guide, comfort and protect the two of you! 🙏
G cool... Not everyone has a terribly hard story like Kristi. 8 years ago i split with my daughter's father bc he cheated, a week later is when i found out i was pregnant. I did it alone since the beginning, all the appointments, labor and delivery (other than my bff). My post partum days were amazing. Me and my daughter bonded and cuddled and napped together and it was great. Yeah i still had to cook my own food anf do all the laundry myself and all of that, but i was so happy and proud to do it on my own. Not everyone struggles and has a difficult motherhood journey. I wish she hadnt portrayed it as such. Beacause it can be so beautiful and so rewarding. The hard times for me came later. She is almost 9 years old and this past year has been the hardest. Third grade is no joke 😂
I'm a single mom of two... I have a 16 year old daughter and a 15 month old son and yes it is tough but I love it... now my house may be a mess sometimes but it's all worth it! I thought my daughter was gonna be an only child and then boom surprise lol
"Sleep deprivation, those words don't sound as intense as they are." OMG THIS IS 100% TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, they use sleep deprivation as torture. For real.
There is a saying in Brazil that motherhood is like "suffering in paradise", my mother always told me it was extremely accurate. Hope things get easier ❤
Love that! SO true. In the statement "it takes a village" having a community that acknowledges this probably makes it easier to deal with the negative feelings and issues that will surely arise. You know you're not alone and the judgement, or feelings of judement, must be lessened
I just want to say, several commenters mentioned the feeling of being forgotten. As a society, we glorify pregnancies (hello baby showers, sprinkles, Motherhood Maternity, and every single GD celebrity bump in the universe). But then it seems like as soon as the camera flashes dim, the presents are put away, we forget there’s still a full lifetime of parenthood expected by women and men. It is a damn shame, because 9 months is such an incredibly small amount of time in the grand scheme of being a mother.
Absolutely. Especially first-time pregnancies. I also felt like no one cared about the actual work of (1) having the baby; and (2) how hard new motherhood is (and all motherhood because having a second is not a continuous Swiss picnic either!). Everyone seemed to say, "sleep when the baby sleeps, honey!" And I felt like, "I was hoping to put a brush through my hair" and my baby doesn't tell me when s/he will wake up and I'm such a bundle of nerves that I can't sleep anyway! Ha ha. My kids are a little older now but there were so many times I noticed Kristi's youtube absence and thought, "I know what she's going through." It is so incredibly hard! Sending love!
There is pregnancy "tired" and there is new baby "TIRED" & they are two totally different kind of tired. There is a reason people say sleep as much as you can and enjoy it as much as you can before the baby is born. There is also a reason sleep deprivation is considered a form of extreme torture. Moms are some of the strongest beings on this planet. Our bodies are literally portals between the spiritual world and our world. Women are AMAZING!!
Jensan 123 I completely understand where your coming from. I have a two year old and im currently pregnant with twins. I feel im beyond exhausted already and the babies aren’t even here yet. Cant wait for the babies and im blessed but it is hard.
@@ellearvizu295 omg, I can imagine a twin pregnancy being even more tiring... Worst thing about it is feeling bad for my son for being to tired to be fully present when playing etc. Thank god they are so forgiving 😔.
What’s sad is that people DO talk about the difficult side of motherhood and parenting. They try, at least. I’ve been a mother for six years now, and I’ll never forget being at the peak of my PPD/PPA and being told by multiple friends and family members that I shouldn’t complain because at least I have a baby. That my cousin who was battling infertility would be hurt by my sharing about my clinical depression as it related to the postpartum period. That I just needed to sleep when the baby slept and I’d be fine. That I was so lucky to have a present partner that I shouldn’t complain... the truth of the matter is that the idea that “no one talks about it” isn’t true. We do talk, but we are pushed aside, chastised, and ignored. I’m proud of you for speaking on this using your platform!
I wasn’t supposed to have kids, now I am 15 weeks pregnant and I am scared. The honesty and realness of this video is exactly what I needed. I need to have myself prepared for everything. All I seem to see online is the perfect parts and beauty of motherhood. I NEEDED the real life.. and I am so thankful for this video. Seriously thank you.
I'm only 4 weeks and I'm wondering if I can even do this I am TERRIFIED!!. I never knew I would get such anxiety like this. But it's a real big deal bringing life into this world. The thought of pregnancy actually grosses me out. 😣. So I feel alone cuz I feel like I'm the only woman that feels this way.
We were "child free people" for many years and then I got pregnant in October 2019. Let me tell you, I sobbed the entire way through this video. I am struggling so much with PPD and I have never felt so alone in my life. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for sharing the truth. Thank you Kristi for being so brave and shining the light on the struggle of being a new mum. It really is important xxx
Pleaae reach out. I went through it when it wasn't a real talked about thing. I don't know gow i got through. I am now a grandmother and i found myself starting to remember some of the memories, like it was yesterday. Still to this day, noone knows what i went through
Oh honey I'm so sorry! I have been in your situation twice now. I struggled bad with ppd after having my first, but I completely forgot how hard it was and had another one 3 years after the first. Again, I struggled, even worse the second time, with PPD and PPA. You will absolutely get through this! I know right now every second feels like an eternity. You feel like no one can help you. You will get better! Please reach out anytime! ❤️
I’m going to tell you the truth. EVERY mom feels the way you do but doesn’t have the courage to be honest. Once you have a child you will never sleep the same again. You’ll always have one eye open and one ear out. I have a 23, 20 and 15 yr old. I will tell you it’s not all sunshine and roses. Little kid little problems big kid big problems. But it’s a love like none other. Your love for them and their love for you. Hang in, love truly does conquer and persevere. You’re awesome. Your honesty is refreshing. The one piece of advice I can offer is ask for help and accept it when offered. Keep walking and getting alone time and never feel guilty about it. I hope you take time and read this and know you’re not alone.
FACTS. Mine are actually 17, 19 and 24 now and I'm back to that super anxious worriedness as they go out into the world on their own more and more and are under my roof less and less.
@@naomilasby7744 me too!! My 21 year old is leaving the nest soon and I am so anxious about it. I try not to show him because he is so excited. I’m sure this will get easier too but it is a lot right now.
I remember the first night at home with my son. I sat in his nursery, bawling my eyes out and praying for God to help me. I had no idea what I was going to to. I felt the gravity of the responsibility I had to raise him to be confident but not arrogant; kind and generous but not easily taken advantage of; firm in his beliefs and faith but not judgmental of those who have different beliefs; etc. most days I was just grateful to keep him alive. He will be 13 in August, and I’m proud to say he’s becoming a wonderful young man. You are doing exactly what you need to do, even when you don’t feel like you are.
I work in a hospital and it honestly makes me so angry how the nurses don't allow patients to sleep when it's so critically important for their health and healing.
Uhhh so true. I have told every expecting friend of mine if the nurses offer to take their baby to the nursery and give you a break LET THEM and get some sleep! I got lucky and had amazing nurses (a long hospital stay) and they took my son every so often to let me catch up on sleep!
I was so blessed with the nurses on staff the my first night with my daughter me and my husband shared my hospital bed with my daughter in the bassinet beside us she woke up at 10 pm and the nurse rushed in told me and my husband to go back to sleep and the nurse took her to the nursery and they let us sleep 10 hrs that night (I didn’t breast feed) we got to go home fully rested and it helped us out sooo much!
Ugh, yes! I thought it was weird when the nurses offered to take my first child to the nursery after I just had her. I was like "What? Why? I raised my little sister, I got this..." I so did not have it. 👀 When my daughter woke up crying, I changed her diaper (whether needed or not), fed her (if it was time to), but nothing was working. I had to call a nurse in, bawling my eyes out, and it turned out she was colicky. So nothing I could do helped, whereas in the nursery, they had little swings they could put her in for soothing, etc.
Honestly my nurses didnt wake me if i did sleep unless they had to, but then my son and myself were fine no problems. They would just comw back and tell ne they came in. And dad was there to help obviously so the nurse didnt need to do anything for baby
Hey guys, today I am doing a really laid back but VERY honest video talking about my postpartum feelings and my experiences after my baby was born. This is a very candid and honest discussion of my current feelings of postpartum, and I would love to do one that is much more structured, but here we are - in the thick of it just making it through each day (barely). I am hoping that as time goes on, my mental health improves. I want to make it BLATANTLY CLEAR - I have ZERO issues with medication for PPD/PPA - In fact, I am considering medication currently, as lately it has been reallt hard for me again. I just have been holding off as I am functioning, but am struggling with enjoying my days (and I wanted to see if ultimately I got better or worse over time) - The feelings of depression are creeping in more often and my anxiety has been rough. If you have experiences with medication (SSRI and you were/are breastfeeding) I would love to know if you felt medication improved your experience with parenting, depression, anxiety, etc. I love hearing from other mothers and their experience I will be honest, I have really been nervous about it passing through my milk and causing potential issues with my son, but ultimately right now I feel that I might need some help further. I am just taking it day by day and seeing how things go. Thanks friends! LOVE YOU!
To be brutally honest, I wouldn’t be alive today to take care of my kids if I hadn’t have gotten on medication. With that being said, do what’s best for you. My experience was around 2 months PP, I basically had to be locked in my bedroom for 2 days while my mother in law took care of my twins because I couldn’t trust myself to not harm myself. I immediately went back to therapy and got meds. Should have I checked myself in somewhere? Probably. But my anxiety was also so bad that I refused to leave my kids. Motherhood, as much as I love my babies, is the hardest thing I have ever done. There are days it feel like absolute torture. Things are better for me now though. Take care of yourself. And if you do need meds, please don’t feel bad about it. It will be best for you and baby. You also have to make sure you get the right one for you and that’s trial and error
You deserve to enjoy this experience. I had five. I had PPD after my first and my last. With my first i wish i had gone on meds sooner bc i feel like it robbed me of a great time with my newborn. Lexapro worked for me. Im so sorry youre going though this. I can completely relate to everything youre saying. Ive been there. Everything is temporary. The crying The smiles. The pain. The joy. Every child deserves a happy momma and you deserve it to. When i finally went on meds i felt soooo relieved.
Many medications are safe for breastfeeding, talk to a psychiatrist or OBGYN for more information. Know that PPD is common but it needs treatment. Not necessarily medicinal, but the consult of medical professionals. Baby needs his mama to be okay, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Editing to add: I didn’t even breastfeed because I couldn’t mentally handle it. I felt like a prisoner in my body, and had severe depressive episodes after each let down. I have two very healthy boys today, an 8.5 year old and a 5 year old. They are thriving and great and life is honestly Rose-colored glasses with music overlays a lot now days... but oooooff it took major work, lots of doctor visits, even a hospitalization to get there for me mentally. I can look at it now with no shame, but it really took my support around me to help me get through and keep going to the professional help I needed.
I truly commend you for making this video. I had ppd after having my second son almost 21 years ago. No one talked about it, no one understood. I was made to feel like I was being dramatic or seeking attention. I am so glad to see open discussions, dialogue, understanding & support being given to this. My thoughts, supports & prayers are with you & all the other mama's!
After giving birth, I felt depression that I didn't think it was possible to feel. Sadness doesn't even begin to describe it. I didn't want to be alive anymore. I was lucky to have supportive family, but it took me a year to recover.
@@clo_beanery only you know if you’re up to it but don’t underestimate yourself either. Try talking to the people who love you enough to give you the truth
The worst thing that people say when I’m tired and exhausted with two kids who are demons on that specific day is “enjoy these times, the days are long but the years are short” and it’s like dude, I get it. But let me just have this moment to vent - it’s ok to vent, that’s how you keep yourself sane.
I feel like a lot of you mom's look too deeply into that one. Yes! You're ABSOLUTELY allowed to have your meltdown moment because we've all had them, BUT behind that comment is a mama who wishes her babies were little again to relive those moments and we're gently reminding you...it goes quicker than you can even imagine. We're reinforcing to you young mama's that you're doing great, just slow down and enjoy the ride.
@@gigilarigi3132 again you don’t seem to get it - we don’t need to be told to slow down and enjoy the ride. Not in that moment. Not when we are trying to keep ourselves from flying off the handle. Sometimes you don’t need to solve it and you can just say, “I’m sorry it’s been rough for you lately, is there anything I can do?” That’s it. You don’t need to elaborate on your own experiences, you can just offer sympathy. I don’t need to be told it goes fast - we are all aware of that fact. But in that moment, all you want is someone to validate our exhaustion. Two kids, one with ASD and the other mirroring the others behaviour. There isn’t a day where I’m not tired...
Krystal Duckarmie, actually we DO get it. (Well, I do anyway). I never want to sound patronizing when I see a Mom losing her shi*. If anything, I'm trying to validate her doing a fantastic job. Guess you can't do that anymore because it's offensive? Maybe it's your generation that doesn't "get it"?
@@gigilarigi3132 your comment was unnecessary and has nothing to do with being offended or from a different generation, and everything to do with empathy. When someone is telling you what they need, and you decide to do it your way because it’s what you feel is right, then you aren’t listening - you aren’t absorbing what someone is telling you.
I get the feeling you think I'm arguing with you. I'm not. One thing I absolutely despised when mine were little is being told to do this/try that/back in my day, etc. I already felt like a failure because I had one with ADHD and a baby with health issues. The very LAST thing I needed was someone ELSE in my head, telling me I was wrong. So YES! I totally get it and vowed I would NEVER do that to a struggling mama. We KNOW you're exhausted! We KNOW you're questioning your choice on becoming a mother, and we absolutely understand the urge to leave them in the shopping cart, just so you can have 5 minutes of peace. I guess what I was trying to convey is-we DO know and we're trying to help you refocus. It doesn't always work because we're too busy wishing their lives away, but in that moment, I guess we believe we're being helpful.
As I watch your video, I standing here at my kitchen sink with tears streaming down my face, and my thoughts drift back to 1992. I was 18 yrs old and had just had my first child. Although I did have an incredible support system with friends and family (I do realize many mothers...young mothers do not)...it was hard. Very hard for me mentally. She was colicky. She wanted to be held 24/7...she was wearing me down. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. But she was my life, my everything. I was raised in a family with strong mothers yet here I was in my mind failing horribly. That was nearly 30 years ago and we didn't have the internet and books were so mundane to me. Everyone that I saw with a new baby seemed to have it so together and here I was on the hot mess express of motherhood. My body had changed and my mind didn't seem like my own anymore. Who was I? Who had I become? I was so overwhelmed. Back then people just didn't talk about PPD (God I wish they had) I felt so alienated and alone. And I times I thought that I was losing it. Over time...things got better, as I watched my beautiful baby grow into this sweet and quirky skinned knee little girl and eventually into a wonderful mother herself. Looking back it was all worth it and then some. Those first years though changed me in such a way that just as you put it...unless you've gone through it, you just can't explain. Kristi, I can't thank you enough for sharing your journey with us. Yes, eventually it changes...you grow, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually but it's those first few brutally real years that most do not talk about. Thank you for being one of the few that does. The world needs more of this. 💗
Perfect❣ It really can SEEM other mothers have it together when you feel fortunate that you're underwear are literally 'under' today when you go out in public 😆
Kristi I have no words for how precious these videos are. I never wanted to be a mom because to me the responsibility was too much but the older i grow, the more i lean towards having a baby and the bigger my fears get. As a woman it's unbearable to swim around others who will tell you how wonderful everything about having a baby is, because i KNOW there's more to it but it's so hard to find this truth. So thank you SO much for being real and honest about everything.
Thanks for writing this, I feel totally the same. I’m the oldest of 3 siblings and I have SEEN what huge world-shifting responsibly it is to have children. So I have actively chosen not to - I’m terrified of failing, and I don’t think I can do it as well as a new human life deserves. And it’s just weird because as I grow, I feel like I could be a good mom, maybe. And hearing all these women talking about it ONLY in positive phrases makes me doubt my decision. Seeing these real videos helps remind me why I actively chose that I’m not fit to be a mom. I know my flaws and I know I can’t push myself aside for 18 years. I’m in awe of people who can, but I know I can’t. I had a shitty childhood and I’m finally learning how to put myself first, for the first time. I’m not ready to give that up for no sleep, no self-care, always putting something else before yourself. Really appreciate this video as it reminded me why I chose not to have kids.
@@wolfsbane1991 can totally relate to you. Rough childhood & oldest of 3, I too saw what it takes. Haven’t made up my mind yet due to FOMO but I hope I do soon.
As a mom with three kids if you don’t want to be a mom it’s ok. I believe your life can be just as fulfilled, if not more, if you choose not to have children. It’s not easy and children consume your life in a way that you don’t really realize until you have them. I love my kids and I am happy that I have them. I just wish people would stop trying to convince others into having children when they don’t want to. We need to stop glamorizing it.
Trigger warning: I feel this so deeply. I struggled with prenatal anxiety that turned into post partum depression. I wanted to die. I “knew” I couldn’t love her the way she deserved and that I was not capable of being her mom. I was hospitalized and medicated and that helped a bit, but ultimately I struggled for a long time. It was therapy and time that brought me to know, almost 3 years postpartum and finally enjoying motherhood. My hope is that we don’t need to justify that we still love our children even though we struggle. The two things can coexist. We can struggled so deeply and it doesn’t mean we’re bad parents. I feel you, Kristy. It is so fucking hard.
Same here Mama!! It was 100% the worst thing I have ever gone through. It took me until my son was about 3 months old before I felt those warm fuzzy feelings more often than not. It’s one of the biggest overburdens of guilt I’ve ever felt and I still cry about how unwell I was and how that must’ve affected him.
Hiii, my baby is only one week old and I feel The same, I feel bad because I’m not happy, I’m sad, I cry everyday, family and friends are asking me that I’m happy and I’m like yess, but deep down I know I’m not.
I feel like child free people understand this reality, so when people are being rude about you not having kids its extra irritating. Your honesty is so appreciated!
As a child free person that is almost 30, I have to agree. I’ve seen what my (children having) friends go through and listen to their stories. I’m not ready for any of that nor do I know that I ever will be.
I put off watching this for 2 weeks. This video came out 1 week after I gave birth and I was scared because I already knew I was feeling some of these things. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I felt understood.
If it weren't for antidepressants and therapy, PPD would have taken me from my children. 100%. You've got this Mama. It's taken me 2 years but I am finding myself again. I absolutely adore you for sharing this. ❤
Did the therapy help in the beginning? I have PPA & it causes me to slip into depression. It’s more anxiety than anything else. Did you experience that & did therapy & medication help you immediately.
@@ERBS_Mommy2019 Medication and therapy gave me the headspace to work on myself. It gave me the energy and mental capacity to incorporate self care, meditation, dance, and all of the other things that bring me joy into my daily routine. It isn't an instant thing, it took about 4 weeks for medication to work but I have never regretted my decision.
Getting on meds, going to therapy, and supplementing with formula so other people could also feed my kid- those things saved my life in the early days. Women need more agency and empowerment to make these decisions without fear of judgement. I’m glad you were able to take that space for yourself 💜
It is understandable that you were so surprised getting pregnant. Watching your stories one thing I've noticed is you crave structure and like having a plan, which is great in so many ways. But being a mother, throw that shit out the window. This is not meant to be mean, it's out of LOVE. When you've done all you can do, and you're struggling, it's time to change the fantasy you had. If you need to stop breast feeding so your husband can take over feedings...DO IT. Your baby will be perfect. Then you can try meds without worry. You can take time for yourself. A happy and healthy baby needs a happy and healthy mother. They feed off your anxiety.
Yes, 100% agree. I pumped for 4 months. Switching to formula helped me sooo much. Sometimes, it’s what’s best for YOU. Formula fed babies are still thriving! People make such a big deal about breast feeding but for your own personal space, mental/physical health needs, sometimes it’s just better to switch. Also, it took my daughter (high needs preemie) about a week to transition to formula! So try it out, don’t give up on the first feeding!
@@mariaaanxtdoor I totally agree. I was a young mother. I am a mother of 5 boys (young men now). No one told me how important it was to take care of mommy first and how baby will thrive. I felt scared and defeated. Overwhelmed doesn't cover it. Until my best friend said...you're not doing your baby any service right now. He'll never know how you roughed it thru day by day, how much you've sacrificed. He'll feel all your exhaustion, all your anxiety and he will feel some of that too. I made her a bottle. She took him next door to her place (if I had heard one cry I wouldn't have been able to rest) and I slept and slept. I woke up and ate, showered, a little makeup, I felt like I had been reborn. To fight another day, stronger.
@@carlitabonita this sounds exactly like the day I realized the exact same thing! If mommy is taken care of, baby will thrive! You feel so much better after a little self care and in return your baby will feel your good energy. It doesn’t make things perfect but it definitely makes it easier! By the way, amazing that you raised 5 boys! I have 1 little girl right now but always wanted boys! She’s only 8 months and I can’t wait to add more to our family boys or girls 😂
THANK YOU THANK YOU !!! I watched this when you first posted it. Who would have known 3 years later I would be sending this video to my daughter at midnight so she knows she is not alone, she is not crazy, she is not a POS mom or wife, or a complete failure. I did not experience any of this when I had my children so I have been at a loss when she’s had these crushing phone calls the last few weeks. Tonight she said just the right things and I was reminded of this video. I searched Rawbeautykristy postpartum and ended up sending her this one and the two follow ups. I am so grateful I have this resource to share with her. From one mother to another thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💝
I think people joking about like “but coffee first” and “you’ll never sleep again” or all those mom memes originally came from a place of coping, dealing with their pain or struggles, which is a really common mechanism. But it definitely doesn’t feel funny when you see things like that and are in it in the moment! Totally understand
I used to think they were exaggerating but now as a mom... shit.... you seriously live out of coffee and you are always sleep deprived...it's insane to be a parent.
I can tell you even having an "easy" baby is still not easy. My daughter slept great, breastfed well, and overall was pretty dang happy, but the 4th trimester was the lowest point of my life. I was the happiest I'd ever been and I also felt completely alone, forgotten, and like I had lost a piece of myself. It's the strangest mix of emotions and shift in mindset and it's HARD. The combo of exhaustion, physical pain, and hormonal imbalance create a huge mess and there's no way to get through it other than getting through it. For anyone that wants to help a new mama: Each person will need help in different ways but showing up for that mom in your life (not just a couple days after baby but MONTHS after baby) will make a difference. Show up and help with the laundry, do the dishes, walk the dogs, bring us food, get us a glass of water. It can be helpful to hold the baby, but most of the time, that's not what we want, WE want to hold our baby and not worry about anything else. You might not be able to relate or help with the baby blues, but show up and be ready to vacuum or cook a meal. For mamas close to having a baby: Make a "honey-do-list", something that you can hand off to someone that offers help. It can be overwhelming when someone asks "how can I help", so make a list of all those normal chores that you need done and have it ready. Let people help you. If you have the means, getting a meal-delivery kit or at least grocery delivery. Hiring someone to come and clean the house once a week can be SO helpful. Sign the pets up for a pet hotel or doggy daycare for when you need a break. If you don't have the financial means to do that, prep some meals before you go into labor, have a meal list ready to go, freeze some easy soups and quick snacks. Prepare to feel overwhelmed and know it won't last forever. Have resources ready in case you do experience PPD or even someone to call when you just need to cry. Also - maybe just delete your social media now, that crap can be so toxic to a new mom.
That last piece of advice is one I wish I took. Social media took up so much of my postpartum life. I would have just straight up deleted everything had I known.
OMG, you hit the nail on the head about the forgotten me. It was like I was no longer "Michelle" but 'just mom'. Like an identity shift/loss. That was hard to overcome. It did get easier the older the kids got, but wow. Yeah, I felt that while reading your comment!
This is all such good advice. It can be so hard to accept help but it’s so important in those early days. Moms cannot feel guilty about it. Having twins kind of forced me to not care and just be like yes dear god please help me lol!
isn’t it funny how we grow up feeling so different from everyone, and then when we’re grown we realize how much we are the same. so many of us have this same exact story. it’s so validating to hear someone say your same thoughts outloud. as cliche as it sounds, it gets better. you will find yourself again. it seems like a lifetime away but I swear to god you will get your groove back babe
I ended up starting meds at 4 months postpartum, so I stopped breastfeeding cold turkey, I did have thoughts of harming myself and my baby and I knew it wasn’t normal, when I finally got help it was a life changer, I was able to enjoy my baby and my toddlers. best decision I have made for my family. After a couple weeks on meds I was myself again.
I went through this too. I also had thoughts of harming my baby and I didn’t understand it because I also had anxiety over if she was breathing or not and overwhelming love for her. It made no sense and I didn’t talk about it for a while because I felt like I was messed up in the head. But no, it’s sooooo normal. I also got on meds for it around 2 months post partum and it changed everything for me for the better. 💜
Real talk: I didn’t like my son much until he about 4 months old. I was there solely to lactate. He could smell every time he was close to my breasts, so he’d bang his head on my collarbone to feed or he’d cry inconsolably until he was latched. It made me feel like my body, time, boundaries, etc, all belonged to someone else. For many people - myself included - this can be very triggering. It sucked, honestly. After that fourth trimester was up, it got a bit better, and then a lot better around 8 months. He’s 14 months and sort of awesome now, but there are times when I don’t love parenting and I think that’s OK 🤷🏽♀️ Hang in there. Keep taking those walks and getting time alone.
I could have written this myself. My son is 20 months now and I just adore him, he's hilarious and sweet and wonderful.. but it took a long time to get there. And it's okay to talk about it. Babies are so so hard.
This is fascinating to me. I struggle with infertility and do not have kids of my own. I am 36. I REALLY appreciate all of you being so willing to share the real raw side of parenting. I wish I could articulate why but just...thank you!!!!!!
My son is 22 next month. I was totally a "one and done" mom. When people ask me why I never had more - I just say "Because I never forgot" ...but he is my joy. I love him so much. I am so happy I have him. But I didn't do it again.
Same. My son is 27. I never forgot the 26 hours of induced labor pain and all of the anxiety afterwards. I can't imagine my life without him, but I had my tubes tied to ensure I could never get pregnant again.
Same. My daughter is 2 years old and I am done. My husband too. We still have 1 or 2 nights per week where she doesn't sleep well and hubby and I are going to work exhausted! One and done!
I am an RN and strongly recommend the Owlet oxygen monitor sock for babies, an alarm goes off if O2 drops below a certain threshold and it's literally a lifesaver!
Alarm on the base and our phone apps all went off, it is so loud it makes your baby jump & start breathing and it makes your whole household start screaming and we all ran into the nursery/my daughter & grandsons room where she was crying and felt relieved that he was breathing again. We are so relieved that Owlet is available in England UK and its the best lifesaving equipment that we have EVER bought. We also have a camera so we can watch him and hear him when he is sleeping although we never left him alone sleeping in the 1st 6 months. I feel the government should give every baby an Owlet Sock ( includes base) as then 'S.I.D.S' would completely reduce. You can see your babies heart rate and oxygen levels on your Owlet app but the base that you charge the sock on does that also.
The Owlet Sock is the best item ever!!! The Nicu actually use them. My daughter uses it for my grandson who was born 5 days after Kristi's son on 6th December 2020 & it saved his life the 1st night back from the hospital ~ it was the best £259 we ever saved up and spent, now my grandbaby is 15 months old and he still wears it which is brilliant since his oxygen levels have dropped when he had a chest infection. My daughter said she couldn't sleep without the Owlet sock as she thought her baby would stop breathing and he did the 1st night home and the high pitch
What’s so hard is this little baby was already such a miracle, and the thought of something bad happening where you no longer have this bundle of joy you wanted so badly is crippling. Anyone who’s struggled with infertility like this are survivors of trauma.
“This isn’t a great video” no this is the EXACT video we need Kristi. Thank you so much. I had an incredible amount of sleep anxiety with my first born son I think it’s because I was so blindsided by motherhood. I had no idea what it would be like. My own mother and sister made it seem like a dream vacation. I feel like I would have beat myself up A LOT less if I had seen this video first. Taking anxiety much more seriously with my next baby due in July. THANK YOU.
That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking when she said , this isn’t a great video!!!!!! EXACTLY!!!! I ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AGREE 💯 that this IS just the kind of video every expecting mother should see, ESP when it’s their first!!!! I went thru sleep deprivation with my first baby (FYI, I had 3 babies in 3 years!!!) but other than that, he really was pretty great. I got VERY, VERY lucky!!! Now my second!!?? OMG 😱 😳 🥺😭😭😭😭🥵 no. Just-no. She would not even SLEEP if she wasn’t touching me. And even 9 months pregnant with my third, I was STILL rocking her to sleep!! I would have to sleep in the recliner with her across my belly, (like a starfish 🤣🤣) but finally my husband said enough and we had to start putting her on the other end of the house in her crib because she would scream so loud!!! I’d go to check on her and she would get herself into such a tizzy that she would puke 🤮 EVERYWHERE!!! So I’d have to clean her up and start over. Every 15, 20 minutes we’d check on her until she’d just pass out from sheer exhaustion. Thank the Good Lord that she was FINALLY going down easier when my last baby was born!!!!! Now HER daughter is like she was-she’s an only child, my daughter counts herself lucky 🍀 LOL!!! But ANYWAYS, if I would’ve known them what I know now, I WOULD have gotten help for myself because it was VERY VERY VERY VERY HARD for me and yeah, I cried pretty much all day, every day!!! Sorry this is soooo long!!!! LOL!!
The "I don't think I'm cut out for this" feeling hit me hard, I understand that feeling. I had twins at 20 years old, as a newlywed and a first time mom. And it was TERRIFYING, I doubted myself Soo much at that time. And now, they're 9, almost 10 years old, and I still feel that way sometimes. But you do become more confident and comfortable. I promise, to anyone who is reading this.
My daughter is 10 about to be 11 and I must say, it keeps getting "better" with age. We have a mother daughter relationship now as opposed to a baby and a mom, ya know?
@@DanielleNicoleMakeup as a 26 yo who has zero intention atm to have a child any time soon, I can tell you from my experience and my sisters' experience - from the children perspective - as your children grow older you definitely change dynamics in the relationship. In my case at around 18-19 I started being GENUINE friends with my mom. It's when I went out in the the world as an "adult" which to me seems like it happened overnight. She was there, she was my guidance, my foundation, my crutch, my absolute best friend. It does come a point when you're no longer JUST mother and daughter. You start appreciating your mom for everything she did for you, all the sacrifices she made, everything she gave up for you, always for the well being of her children. So as someone's daughter, I have faith that your kids will see that too someday. At the end that little human you raised will be mature enough to recognize and thank you for absolutely everything. It just takes a few years for our dumb brains to develop and realize such things 😂
@@LeilaleilaZ thank you. Totally agree! My own mom is my friend now too. There's some rough times as a mom but it is so worth it and can't imagine my life without my little angel 💝
I don’t know how I just stumbled upon your video but I’ve just spent the past 3 hrs watching your pregnancy announcement, your birth and now this one and I love how transparent you are . The world needs more of you ♥️ you are beautiful, you have a purpose and your voice changes peoples lives 🙏🏼
Giving birth to a child and adjusting to that situation in capitalistic times, where everybody, incl. Grandma and granddad still work and cannot participate in child care... This is literally like months of being in some torture camp, I agree. Plus, if your childless friends complain you do not have time and cancel friendship. Thanks, douches. 4 years later I am way happier 😁 Also I have found my real friends
I’m only 23 but It bothers me when people tell me “oh you’re going to have kids even if you don’t want to” after I tell them that I don’t want kids. Because then I have to whip out my infertility issues and make them feel awkward for pressuring me. I’ve leaned into being childless like you did since hearing from doctors that I most like can’t have kids. And my husband and I are happy with that now- it is possible to have an exciting fulfilling life without or with kids. Glad to see someone spread that message!
I’m 23 as well , also with infertility issues , my exact response when ppl would ask if I would ever have kids . I wanted it more than anything but I came to the conclusion that maybe I would never have kids n I settled with that . I finally became a mother . My daughters due date was March 26 ,2021 but was born March 13 . Pregnancy was going smooth health wise for my baby but when going into my 38 w check up my blood pressure was sky rocket n was forced to deliver right then n there . Was notified my baby had health issues currently post op rn n I feel lost it’s so hard I wanted this so bad n now that I’m here I’m lost broken n helpless .
@@erxy7684 first of all, congratulations on become a mother- I’m so happy that came to fruition for you! I’m sorry that you feel the way you do now, I couldn’t begin to understand. My sister is a NICU nurse and she talks about her patients all the time- there are many happy stories that can come out of difficult circumstances. And I will pray that you will be able to tell those happy stories one day. Your story matters!
I feel the same way Emily. I have had 6 miscarriages. My husband and I got tired of feeling so much loss and decided to just stop trying and at this point we're getting to where we feel like we're too old to want to have kids anymore and the crap we get from people constantly about it makes us not even want to have friends anymore. So I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Emily, I hear you! I'm 39 & NEVER wanted kids, but always thought I would end up having them. I didn't, & I thank GOD! I was always terrified because I was fertile & I constantly feared I was pregnant, even using condoms AND hormonal birth control at the same time. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to have a baby now, especially with the threat of defects & complications at my age! I don't feel 39, but if I had a kid right now, I bet I'd feel 59, lol. All my friends have kids & are happy, but I know I am just different & I don't feel guilty for it! I also struggle with depression & anxiety on & off, so that's enough responsibility for me...good luck with whatever u decide is best for YOU my friend! Hugs!❤🤗💕🤗
@@MicheleEskelin I can identify with the pressure from others, especially if you're in a longtime, stable relationship or married. Its like they all want you to be miserable & have kids too, lol! Honestly, having children sometimes causes people to grow apart. My sister's marriage changed 10 years ago when she had her first of 2 kids. They are now getting divorced because their relationship never recovered. There are just SO many things that can happen because of the decision to have kids, good & bad. I love Kristi's honesty!!
Re: how other animals seem to do this so easily, and their young are born and figure everything out so quickly.. Human babies are different because of two things: brain size, and bipedalism . We come out undercooked, essentially, because our big old human brains make our heads too big, and being bipedal makes the position (tilted differently in respect to the rest of our bodies, compared to quadrupeds) and size of our pelvis (it can only get so wide and still maintain our ability to remain bipedal) less conducive to getting that big skull out, and the combo means the baby has to come out less developed in order to be ABLE to come out. Apologies if I'm the only one who finds this interesting.
Sometimes I wish we would be laying eggs so we could put them in incubators, come back a few months later, and get a better developed baby that is able to eat regular food. 😅 I think another big issue is that we're aware of the future. From what I've learned animals only live in the moment. That's why they're also not aware of dying until it happens. One of the main reasons that makes us worry so much. But didn't know that this brain is also the reason for that complicated birth process. Nice that this enormous thing is making our life hell in any aspect of life. Thanks, I hate it. 😑
If it makes you feel better, for the first week PP I didn't go poop. I ended up in the ER in the heart of the pandemic crying hysterically to the attending nurse in the waiting room while yelling, "I just need to poop. Please! I just want to poop!!" I look back and cringe. This is the reality of being a new mom. Mass hysteria mixed with overwhelming love and aveil of sheer terror.
I really believe that Kristi getting pregnant when she did was 100% meant to be. I think she not only needed to be in the place she is in her life and her marriage to get through these hard days, but I believe she needed to have the platform she does now. THIS INFORMATION IS SO IMPORTANT and there is no one better that RBK to get it out there. You’re not only doing amazing as a mama, but you’re doing amazing things in this world. You are making a difference every single day in the lives of countless people that you’ll never even know, but more importantly your son. You and your family are such a treasure ♥️
"sleep when the baby sleeps" is honestly toxic, cruel, naive advice. It's not possible. And the baby blues are wild. I felt like I was living in someone else's body. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't hold my baby for more than a few minutes without feeling an intense sense of anxiety. I am 2 months out and I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking that my baby somehow got into our bed and suffocated (we never bring her into our bed and we are sticklers about safe sleep).
It really is ridiculous advice because while it "might" work with your first baby you can't just sleep whenever you want to when you have more than one child.
Not to mention that *somehow* you also need to perform other functions like sorting out food, basic hygiene and dressing yourself, and sometimes interact with the world outside your door, which requires time and effort - and the only spare moments you have for those things is when the baby is asleep. For months I thought I must be just too disorganized or inefficient with housekeeping to be able to have those extra moments to sleep, then I realized the whole concept was laughable BS.
I thought I was rolling on my daughter in my bed until she was like 2 (and we also never brought her in our bed). I thought I was kind of crazy for so long, but then I found out that it’s super commun.
I was the same about safe sleep and SIDS. I always made sure to practice safe sleep but SIDS still scared me so much I would watch my baby sleep to make sure she was still breathing.
My husband and I cannot have children biologically and have been trying to adopt for ten years. We had several failed adoptions where the birth-mom changed their mind after giving birth and we were heartbroken. Last year, two days before Thanksgiving, a mom chose us for the baby girl she’d given birth to. I’ll physically never have the sensation that giving birth and all that PPD can come with, but we had TWO days to prepare from a life that had been just the two of us for the better part of 13 years. So much of what you’ve said is so true for myself as an adoptive mom too. The panic, the sleep deprivation, the uncontrollable emotions between unbelievably happy and then unbearably sad. We’re so grateful for her and her birth-mom, and even though I physically did not give birth to her, this time to get to know her and switching from the expectation of childless to I’m a parent is so hard! We sometimes need to walk away no matter how hard it is, breathe, and just keep going, like you mentioned. Thank you for sharing and helping us 💕
My husband was adopted. His parents were awesome. You are doing one of the most amazing things one can do. So I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you and yours the best. 💗💗💗
My son was a difficult baby. Never slept, constantly on the boob, always crying. My husband deployed shortly after he was born, plus had a three year old, and lived near zero family members. I feel for you. My son is 9 now and the best sleeper in our family. It gets better.
You’re not alone. Not in your feelings, not in your trauma, not in your joy, not in your experience. I’m a postpartum doula and honestly, trying to convince a pregnant person that the amount of help they think they’ll need is only a FRACTION of the help they’re going to need is sometimes impossible. We do need a village. It’s such a slog. Take it day by day, moment by moment. Lean on your supports even if they can’t be there. Just know you’re not alone.
I don’t have children and honestly don’t plan on having them. People do talk/post about how it’s all rainbows and sunshine, but then I hear the honest parts: the symptoms of pregnancy, the pain of birth, the PPD/PPA, symptoms after birth, etc. And I know in my heart that I couldn’t handle it. And that’s OKAY. Everyone needs to be better informed on the nuances and truth about parenthood, for both parents. No one should have kids because they feel they have to. No one should have kids expecting it to be a little hard but worth it, only to realize that it’s a lot worse than they were let on. That’s not fair to them, and of course not fair to the babies. I’m sure if it wasn’t so culturally and instinctively ingrained into us to reproduce, a lot less people would have kids. As someone who has had crippling anxiety since she was a child, I can’t even imagine the absolute trip it would be with all the added hormones and responsibility that comes with a baby, but I heavily empathize with you and I hope that everything gets easier for you, Kristi and Zach! Alder is such a beautiful baby and you guys are doing an amazing job!! 💕
You couldn't have worded this any better! As a Nigerian female, at 26 I'm expected to have had 1 or 2 children and I don't know how to break it to my parents that I don't plan on having any children. Even my friends who are currently going through the difficulties of motherhood think it is so bizarre that I don't want children. It shocks me that they aren't more understanding of my decision seeing that they know first hand motherhood isn't all rosy but like you said it has been ingrained in our heads that we need to reproduce and until that changes more people that aren't so sure about having children would keep having them.
I absolutely agree. I have decided not to have children as well due to severe anxiety and depression. I’m so thankful for Kristi for being so honest about how motherhood actually is tho
As a mother I wholeheartedly support childfree women & men. I wish I could hug all of you because I know people can be rude and they don’t get it. I have an only child, but I’ll never pressure her to have babies because her happiness is more important than my want for grandchildren. Some people get insecure because they see you being childfree as an attack on their choice to have kids, but everyone has a different idea of fulfillment. I still get hate for stopping at one, so don’t pay those people any mind. They’ll make comments whether you have no kids, one kid, 2, 3, or 4. So do what makes you happy! 💕
As mothers and parents we all need to start being honest about it. It’s not all roses. I used to call my daughter a booger because I didn’t want to call her a bitch 🤭 My first ...my son was amazing. Great sleeper. Easy baby. My daughter is 17 years old now and she’s an insomniac. Her sleep schedule is terrible. Knowing this I now realize and believe babies can suffer from insomnia and have sleep issues. My daughter didn’t start sleeping thru the night till she was 5!! Sometimes her nap would end up only being 5 minutes long because a noise woke her and all I needed was this nap time to gather myself ...and she woke up and was ok without more sleep😐 I went thru hell with my daughter ALONE because her father, my now ex husband, couldn’t deal with her colicky crying and didn’t want anything to do with her because of it. She needed to be touching me or seeing me and she was ok but everyone else was no and she was crying. He dad was emotionally verbally and mentally abusive so my daughter and I spent most nights driving the city all night so he wouldn’t yell at us. I had a friend say my daughters colic was in my head! Why do we do this to each other!! We need to support and love each other! Everyone’s parenting experience is different! Kristi ...I don’t know know I managed with an insomniac colicky baby for 5 years ..somehow we do it! Somehow you’ll do it. Tears are okay! Sharing is soooooo recommended! You got this!! There will be an end to the stress anxiety and maybe less difficulties. Your a great mom♥️♥️♥️
This is an absolutely heartbreaking story... it's important that women see your story because babies can truly bring out the worst in men, and the father can make your life a nightmare by doing this to you... I'm so sorry you endured what you did alone.
I am a person that has suffered from insomnia from birth, my mum jokes that people told her that her baby would sleep through the night eventually but I never did. I was a pretty easy baby though apparently and didn't cry i would just lie in my crib awake for hours
It is so upsetting when people say to me (an anxiety sufferer), “just calm down,” “don’t worry”, “why are you getting so worked up and stressed.”.....😖 that is the worst thing to say to someone especially when you are experiencing an anxiety or a panic attack. The attacks feel as if you’re dying but you don’t die.
Breathing deeply and slowly can do more than you might think for anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder and one of the very few things that helps is breathing exercises. There are breathing "patterns" that can profoundly relax you. I downloaded a free app that you can pre-set with a pattern like 4, 2, 6 (inhale 4 seconds, hold two seconds, and then exhale slowly for six seconds). The app I use is called "Breathe." If you do slow deep and concentrated breathing, it can make you feel like you took a Valium if you do it long enough. It has been incredibly helpful for me.
Society has conditioned women to be so selfless, automatically in service to others. So 'taking care of yourself' in order to take care of others is so alien and difficult. Good job taking a walk by yourself, you're doing good. You're capable and strong and enough 💛
We kept telling my mom this. She'd feel guilty when she bought herself something, because she could've used the money to buy us something. Come on, mom. Don't be ridiculous. Buy yourself the thing! Sort yourself out first - it'll be better for everyone. She's better now, but we are all late 20s, early 30s and self sufficient adults, so it's 'her time'. I wish it was always 'her time' to her.
Good for you for sharing your journey through postpartum! The fourth trimester for me is the roughest. It was a true shock when I had my first. I now have four kids and when people ask me what the hardest transition was for me, from 1-2 kids, 2-3, 3-4; Every time I tell them hands down from zero to one kid! It is truly a life-changing moment. LIFE CHANGING. In every sense of the word. You're doing such a lovely job Kristi
The "can't be set down and sucks at naps" was so my daughter. We adopted her when she was 2 days old after 5 miscarriages, IVF, all that fun stuff. She's 5 now and sadly, she never got any better at napping but has remained a good nighttime sleeper. Parenting after infertility was so hard for me for the first year. I felt like I wasn't allowed to complain about anything or feel anything other than elated 24/7. Thank you for being honest about motherhood!
“They won’t take your baby away!” I think is every mamas fear! It keeps so many people from reaching out for help! I can see u being such an amazing advocate for new mamas out there!! Ur vibe is so amazing! Every time u so a long video, I feel like you are just a warm hug! I really vibe with you!☀️☀️🌻🌻🤍🤍
I wish they'd had proper classes in high school about the reality of birth and post birth. Teenage pregnancies would drop! Also, I wish I'd been told about pre menopause and the actual menospause- like, why should we be finding these things out when they're actually happening to us?? Biology classes need to step up a notch. Love you Kristi xxx
I think high school biology's job is to teach you the mechanics of pregnancy, which they did. I don't think it's their responsibility to teach about how it will feel. I do think more people should talk about their experiences though. I am very grateful for Kristi sharing her experience so honestly.
omg! I just posted about how perimenopause is also not talked about at all - this phase has certainly been a huge struggle, yet there was no advice out there to prepare for it. I don't know why there is such stigma to talk about natural occurring biological phases in women's life, even the bad parts.
Of Course it was never discussed when I took bio but my book had it so I read AAAALLLLLLLL about menopause and well fuk me. Don’t want to get there but we all do lol.
@@kaitatkinson6229 it wasnt mentioned at all in biology at my school- I'm in the UK. The first time I heard about menopause was when my mum went through it :-D
@@sandcrawler7813 what!??? That should be illegal. Lol my body was not even back to normal after 6 weeks. I’m Canadian and have 12 months...It still feels like it’s not enough 😩
Ur lucky if u get 6 weeks here in the US. Lucky. I know women who opt for c sections just so their employer will approve 6 weeks due to “surgery” because natural birth doesn’t count. It’s horrible.
The crippling anxiety after having a baby is so intense. I was beyond exhausted but couldn’t sleep. I did the exact same thing you did by counting minutes etc. between feedings it was utterly insane. I felt every single word you described. I was so happy but so anxious too. It’s hard to put into words but you did a great job.
I could never imagine a life not in a multi-generational household. Being a 3rd generation British-Pakistani woman, there is so much support whenever a child is born in the family. The individualism of western cultures is so jarring to me, everyone deserves some unconditional love and support.
I completely agree. The emphasis on the nuclear family in America, "every man's home is his castle", etc. is really just bad for our health. Humans have lived in tight-knit communities for most of existence.
As an American, on some level I absolutely agree. However, remember that even aside from culture it’s a privilege to have family that is willing and able to help you. When I was a kid, my dad passed away when I was very young and there was no one really to help my mom (my parents had me when they were older so none of my grandparents lived to meet me). Some people in my generation have parents who are still working because they can’t retire, some have parents who don’t accept them because they’re lgbtq or for other reasons, and some people live nowhere near their parents for their job or other reasons. I say this as someone who is currently living with their in-laws thanks to the you-know-what. But I recognize the privilege in being able to do this! Tl;dr I absolutely agree to an extent, but remember that not everyone has multiple generations of people who can or will help them even without the culture difference!
“It’s not that you don’t have time it’s the mental capacity” SPOT. ON. We are already thinking and caring for a human being literally 24/7. My brain can only handle so much on top of the baby caring before it feels like it’ll turn into a freaking potato. When baby actually IS quiet and content, the last thing I want to do is stimulate my exhausted mind even further by doing something that needs to be done. Lol
My youngest just turned 5 and I’m just now finally getting back to being mentally “normal” it’s been a rough 5 years. I have a 11 year old as well and it was completely different. I am so happy there is people like you that have such a big platform to share stories like this. It’s hard and no one ever truly understands what a woman goes through. It’s just so natural to be like “oh she’s going through PPD PPA”........ but truly have no idea how detrimental it is.
From the infertility, acceptance of that infertility to a surprise pregnancy, a tough pregnancy and tough labor to the postpartum anxiety and depression, I feel like you’re telling my story!! And my baby will be 11 this June! PLEASE, guys, look up ALL the symptoms of post postpartum depression. It’s not always not bonding with the baby or feelings of wanting to harm them. Sometimes it is almost feeling too bonded and this overwhelming fear of losing that baby.
You are describing my mother.. I am 23 now so when my mum went threw all this no one, not even doctors, told anything about postpartum depression. She simply did not know what is wrong. She loved me and cared for me and made sure I am always safe. But she did not feel herself. She told me all this when I started up about my mental health and how I feare to have something like that one day. She only then realized that there was a name for what she felt. Postpartum depression is not just abendon your child or killing it and yourself. It’s not feeling enough, not felling yourself, not feeling connected. Today my mum still suffers from depression and needs medication. I just wish, that the situation for young mums will change and there will be more awareness once I am a new mum.
@@viciromrom7889 I am taking my daughter to a therapist to start the work on her anxiety. It’s definitely hereditary in my family! I too still suffer from depression and anxiety as did my mother. I just glad that the stigma of mental illness is slowly lifting so I can take my daughter for help and plant the seed that taking of your brain is no different then taking care of the rest of your body!! When it’s your turn to be a mom you’ll have so many more tools and support than moms in the past!
The thing that really blows my mind about this is that I know so many friends who have had kids and I’m a parent myself. I’ve never had one single person tell me they had anything like this but I’d be willing to bet at least one of them did and they just never said anything. It’s so important that stories like these are vocalized and shared, making it easier for women to know they are normal.
When I was 50, my youngest child graduated from High School and I realized that I had my own life back. It was glorious. I really love my kids but it’s such a complete commitment for a large chunk of your life. It’s really good that you’re talking about it honestly.
My husband and I daydream about the day our kids move out 😂😂 then I feel like a shit mom because I likely won’t have that empty nest thing parents go through so I must not be a “normal” mom, but at this point my kids are 21, 16, 10 and I’ll have been a mother from 18-48 by the time I’m done. That’s 30 years of parenting! I can’t wait to be free and just have family dinners on sundays 🤣🤣
@@Dannielle.S don't feel bad! My mom was overjoyed when all 3 of us were out of the house and it didn't hurt our feelings whatsoever. My 26 year old brother is back at home now (not by choice - he lives in China and went on 2 week holiday to visit my mom and while he was there, China shut the borders) and it's driving both of them crazy. She (and you) deserve to get your own life back once the children are old enough to go out on their own. My mom had NO empty nest syndrome and I'm happy about that.
Thank you for making this and keeping it real. I'm only 21 and due in 3 weeks with twin girls. I'm so nervous, knowing I'll be by myself all day while daddy is out working to support us, but I know I can do it, I love them so much already. Wish me luck guys!
@@saritahotbeach they are 17 months old now, it's been quite a journey! I struggled at first but I'm finally feeling like myself again. They are the most amazing little girls, and it's an honor to call them mine ❤️ I'm still a stay at home mom! Thank you for asking, I forgot about this comment, really neat to see it again. 😊
I want to add, you're doing fantastic. I wasn't aware of PPD when I had my first. Sure I heard of it but me? Naw. So the reality of crying myself to sleep every night then looking at my son and feeling immense guilt because I am depressed was VERY shocking. I've experienced it hard-core with all 3 of my babies and I am still on my anti-depressants to this day(youngest is almost 6) its my reality now. And I am fine with it. I'm happy, my babies were/are happy. I am happy you're aware that PPD is a thing,though I am so sorry you're feeling it,I know you're still kicking ass!!!!!! So much love from Oklahoma 💕
Sometimes I think it’s helpful to know it’s ok to not like your baby even though you love your baby so much. You’re allowed to be annoyed and irritated and sad. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or you are a bad mother. Your baby is crying and being annoying and being wholly unlikeable 😂 and you feel rude and ungrateful and mean but actually it’s totally fine and you can be mad and still be the best mother on the planet
I wish someone told me even a third of this when I was pregnant or after. It was all focused on BIRTH... but NOTHING on postpartum except the "sleep when they sleep" or "Give yourself Grace, it gets better in days!"... I was wholly unprepared and thought I was a failure as a a mom. Granted I was 23 so that added to my shame but THANK YOU for putting this out into the world. It is needed...so badly needed. My daughter is 13 and is AMAZING but this made me realize I STILL carry shame around my postpartum period. Thank you? Just THANK YOU!
This is incredibly refreshing and raw. I had 2 miscarriages and struggled with infertility for 5 years and I allowed my struggles and losses to unrealistically shape what my idea of parenthood was. I thought because of what I’d been through I’d feel gratitude towards the difficult parts of parenthood. I thought I’d be happy to experience sleep deprivation because it was *my* baby that caused me not to sleep. I thought I’d be happy to tote my colicky, screaming baby around because he was *my* baby and I wanted this so bad. 2 weeks postpartum I started having strange feelings and thoughts like maybe I regretted having a baby. Sometimes I would even convince myself that my baby hated me. I oftentimes thought I should just disappear because he deserved a mama that knew how to fix what was wrong, or have the patience to coddle and love him even when he was screaming, or a mama that would never ever ever think that his life could be a regret. There were a lot of days that I would feel swallowed by the idea that this was so hard and now my life was going to be so hard forever. It was hard and I couldn’t figure out why after all of this time I didn’t experience the joy I expected to feel. Even when he first laughed, even when he snuggled up to my chest after his first shots, even when he first said “Da Da”, I just didn’t experience the joy I thought I would. It’s not magic. It’s tough and it’s dirty and there’s such a big change that you have to figure out how to acclimate to while also taking care of this adorable little person that you know almost nothing about. It gets better over time. My son is 6 months old and there’s still more hard days than easy days. He still hardly ever sleeps, and he needs constant stimulation and touch. But I know now that I love and could never regret my child. I know I’m doing my best and that I’m a good mom. I have also learned I never want another child because I don’t think I ever want to pull myself out of such a dark hole like postpartum depression ever again. You’re a fantastic mother and I’m so glad that you have the strength to share your stories and feelings with everyone.
Cara, this is me. I am an adoptive mom and I thought all these things. I thought I would love three am feedings because it was our wonderful baby who we waited so long for. And while I did spend precious moments with him during those times, I felt so overwhelmed many other times. I grieved my old life and felt bad for doing so. He’s 8 now and I still feel like such an imposter sometimes but god, this kid. I love him. His hugs are everything.
This is actually also truly helpful for those of us who don't want kids. Sometimes I think I do, but I'm pretty sure its just society pressuring me and throwing some good ol fomo in my face. But the things you sacrifice. Its just unbelievable. And that so many of you feel ashamed or bad when its not perfect all the time. I don't know how you do it. I am truly in awe.
It's not society, it's biology and our genetic. It's what we're designed for. I don't mean that we should have children but the calling is real and it's nature...
@@the_specialista6319 yeah to some extent you're absolutely right. But I've never felt "the calling" to be a mom. I'm just really curious about pregnancy and think alot of baby stuff is cute. Other than that OH god no. I think its fascinating how some really ans truly long for it and I'm quite the opposite. And society has shamed feelings like that for hundreds of years. Luckily it seems things are turning around a little 🤷♀️
I'm here to tell you girl DONT! Yeah cute when they are little but noooooo not worth the worry and the damn heartache trust me its beautiful to just worry about yourself and you sleep good knowing you don't have some human walking around making dumb choices or putting themselves in danger weather by choice or not. Anywho I could go on forever lol Dont do it!!!!!
@@the_specialista6319 some of us don’t have that calling at all, but get ostracized by the society for not wanting kids. Women stop talking to us once they find out, we get called selfish bitches, and useless for not fulfilling ‘the only purpose we have on earth’. I’ve never seen a dog do that. It’s absolutely the society.
It's such a transition from being "just you" to being pregnant and then a parent, physically and emotionally, it changes you. And as soon as you think you know your baby and you've got this, the baby changes and your back to square one. The most challenging, darkest times of my life that was supposed to be pure joy. I was prepared for the high highs, but not the low lows. Thanks for sharing the more realistic side of being a new parent.
“How will I do this again tomorrow” I felt that to my core. For sure that was the hardest part post partum for me. Realizing that this is my life now everyday. My son woke up at 5:30 am every single morning and I’m not a morning person and it was hard, really hard to get up and try to be a good mom. But after 1.5 years something changed and now he sleeps until 7 which I am so grateful for. No advice really just solidarity. It is hard really hard and we can just try our best and hope our kids turnout ok.
I don’t have any children, or expecting any but here I am at the end of this video. It’s crazy to think that one of my biggest fears is experiencing all of this the day i become a mother. I’ve never had the mind set that it will all just be rainbows and unicorns. I’ve always thought and expected it to be THE hardest thing I would ever have to do. At times when I am going through something super hard or super high anxiety I do think about how that moment would feel 100x worst of i had a life to look after ! This is why i love being an aunty, because I love them with every fiber in my being and I am there for literally almost every single sickness, need, school events, etc etc BUT i do get to return them to their mother LOL.
My grandma had two kids, my mom and my uncle. She loves them more than anything in the world. She just turned 80 on February 11th. She’s told me that if she felt she had the choice of having a kid or not, she wouldn’t have had children. It’s a strange dichotomy of her not knowing how her life would be without her kids but also not knowing what her life would’ve been if she didn’t feel pressure and societal expectations to have them. I know that’s a very different experience than you’re describing. But the underlying factor of this always positive, always great, glossed over image of what pregnancy, birth and motherhood actually is, it’s detrimental. I’m so glad you are sharing the very real experiences you’re having. Grateful that Colleen Ballinger did as well, and Lena the Plug. More of reality and real stories.
I feel like this. I never wanted children and I am fine with that decision. And I am greatful I was born when I was. I feel bad for people born 50 or even 30 years before me that were expected to have children because it is the done thing. I am sure I would have been a great mother but I would not have chosen that for myself. I think so many people have 'What if' thoughts about everything 🥰
I wish people talked about this more. As a child free woman I know about all the pressure people put on you to have a child. When you say you don't want kids everyone always says "oh you'll change your mind", "who will care for you when you are old", "they will be worth it". That's not true for everyone! From an outside perspective motherhood looks like nothing but sacrifice and maybe I don't want to do that. That should be a valid life choice that people shouldn't question.
@@mw6346 Completely. And it can be hard if you are a people pleaser and you want to appease all those voices. And when you get to Motherhood and have an experience like Kristi's or worse, you can feel like a failure. Your mental health suffers and the child does too. I only realised what having children was truly like when I lived for a month with my friends and their 2 year old and I was shocked. It wasn't for me. I can't imagine being a new mother and dealing with that after having no warning 🥰
@@TheAuroraGalore Exactly. And while there are legitimate issues that women who really want kids have, like postpartum, I think there are many women who after having a child are lumped into that category when in reality they just didn't want to have a child. It's a real thing. I LOVE kids. But I've never wanted any. I've never even babysat a child. It does take a village to raise a child, but don't expect this villager to babysit, lol. I'll help out the parents, make them food, run to the grocery for them, I will help in whatever way, but it's not going to involve me being solely responsible for a child for even five minutes.
This is why the stigma against formula and the "breast is best" mindset really bothers me. If you need to give the reigns to the other parent with formula in order to sleep and not go literally crazy, THAT'S OKAY! The pressure of feeling as if you have to do everything yourself is extremely dangerous. Postpartum depression and psychosis are very real, and you don't have to go though it alone! You are allowed to trust your partner with your child! The narrative that Dads aren't as trustworthy or "good at" parenting is really disturbing. Dads are not "babysitting" while Mom is having time to herself, they are parenting. The amount of mom shaming and judging there is and how it's just okay to people is so wrong and disgusting. Please reach out for help if you need it, even in the pandemic. A rapid covid test is worth being able to stay sane and safe.
I 100% agree, I feel like too much pressure is put on a new mom. When my daughter was born, she had jaundice and the nurses actually was pressuring me to not breastfeed, I did not realize how much I wanted to breastfeed until that moment (tied in with all the hormones), it was like another traumatic event for me. I refused to allow them to make that decision for me and somehow made it through.
I fully agree, and after my first child who was bf till 8 months and then formula fed I understood there’s nothing wrong with it and I thought when we have our next we will definitely have one on hand and I can sleep and my husband will give the bottle.... I was very very wrong, my baby now is 5 months and wants nothing to do with a bottle, after trying multiple bottle and formula brands and that making me more anxious then I should be we gave up for now. When she talked about the part being in bed and counting how much time I have till the next feed (which even at 5 months is every 2 hours) I have never in my life understood and been understood as much. It’s exactly what I go through every night and day! Bottle unfortunately even though I hoped would be the answer it isn’t. It hurts when people say give her the bottle once or twice....I try
I never understood “breast is best.” The whole reason why formula was invented, was for mothers that had a difficult time getting their baby to feed off her milk.. it’s just as healthy.
Yes, I was thinking that too. Family or friends can get a rapid test in order to give you the day off. Don’t feel pressured to always breast feed, you can bottle feed. A fed baby is best ❤️
This is so true! My partner fed our newborn at night for the first 3 nights so I could rest. I really think this helped me out tremendously! My post partum pain level was baaaaddd... Having good nights to sleep was a life saver and I'm sure it helped me heal!
I always tell new moms the hardest part of being a mom, so they don’t feel blind sided, but until they experience it... they just don’t get it. I had horrific suicidal ppd and anxiety with both of my kids. Racing thoughts, panic attacks, insomnia. I am so glad I stuck through it. 6m plus with both babies was the turning point. You are strong and you can do this my love. We’re here with you. ❤️❤️❤️Being a mom is the hardest and best journey of your life
I laughed when you said “I have to wake up and do this again tomorrow, and for the foreseeable rest of my life.” Bc fucking same. I gotta do this AGAIN? EVERY DAY? 😂
I have severe generalized anxiety disorder and nobody has ever accurately described what anxiety feels like to me as accurate as you have. Sending love and hugs mama ❤️
I have GAD as well and Postpartum Anxiety that really ramped it up. Its debilitating and the shitty part is that to everyone you look completely normal and like you are handling life well, when in reality it is CHAOS in our minds
Same and I can't describe how hard anxiety is to manage as well as Kristi does. Thank you @RawBeautyKristi for giving me this perspective. Sending endless positive vibes to everyone xo
@@RawBeautyKristiwith gad now, I’m terrified at the thought of how I would be if I become pregnant and afterwards without meds. It’s 100% crippling and paralyzing, this without a baby. It scares me
My sons girlfriend gave birth to twins 3 months after her mother passed away from a very brief and horrible struggle with cancer. To top it off, one of the boys had colic for about 6 weeks and would scream for like 4 hours every night. She is struggling so hard and my heart just breaks for her. I hope this helps me help her more.
Are you absolutely positive it's colic? My girl was screaming when she was a newborn so we, for some reason, assumed she had colic. For a week we had literally a nightmare of scream, frustration and lack of sleep. Then the nurse came with regular visit and it turned out she didn't gain weight. Reason? She didn't get enough milk because I was practically feeding with one breast and our "anti-colic practises" distressed her even more. After introducing artificial milk it was much, much better. I hope you and your family with soon find peace!
“If you are having thoughts about harming yourself, that isn’t normal and be considered part of postpartum” that’s all I ever felt after having children for the first six months 🙃 wish I knew about that sooner and I wish I had the guts to talk about it with my doctor
Yes! It was so hard and I was too embarrassed to ask for help with postpartum. I got really sick after giving birth and I was so suicidal, thinking my baby would be better off with someone who is in perfect health that could be that perfect mom. So I felt useless and I had nobody to talk to. I wish I would have started talking to someone sooner than I did because it helped so much! 💜🖤💜🖤
@@Amphybun I will say that I’ve gotten better! I love my son and two girls, but I don’t think I could have another child-I’m content with what I have and going to make the best of it!
I had postpartum depression with my second. I wasn’t diagnosed until 6 months pp. I started Zoloft exclusively breastfeeding my son. It made such a difference. It saved me from myself. You being the best you you can be is so important. Take care of you! Don’t feel guilty taking time away even for an hour. You are an amazing mom ❤️
I’m a little over 3 months pp and my OB had prescribed me Zoloft but I’ve been so nervous to take it!!! I was on Effexor about 5 years ago for really bad anxiety but ended up hating it and getting off of it. Could you share a little of your experience with it?? I’m a bit anxious taking it while breastfeeding but hearing about another’s experience would be great! ♥️
the idea of being "mom" forever instead of just being you absolutely terrifies me...and i hate that i've been called selfish or that "i just don't have the ability to love someone more than me" but it's like, i absolutely do, it has nothing to do with my ability to love..it has everything to do with idea of absolutely surrendering yourself to the care of another human for the rest of your entire life...that's such a giant responsibility and sense of emotions that i just don't want to experience...i think mothers are absolutely amazing, and i certainly cannot believe the sacrifices and things that you go through, you're superheroes...but motherhood just feels like something that isn't a part of my life journey
As a mom of two soon to be 3, that is completely ok! Being a parents isn’t for everyone! It’s a life CHOICE! Being a mom now there are things that I will miss, like the convenience of just getting in the car and going somewhere. But I completely understand wanting to live life for you and no one else. Just know that you are not selfish what so ever. I feel like parenting is pushed too much onto people especially women. Just love your life! ❤️
“Absolutely surrendering” is exactly it. I adore my child and being a mother - but I tell everyone: unless you desperately WANT NEED HAVE to have kids... don’t do it. Life without children is so full, and free and wonderful. Enjoy it!
@@chelseyrogers3101 this comment was so nice and reassuring, thank you so much! congrats on your pregnancy! i wish you and your family nothing but happiness♥️
It’s great to know what you want and don’t want. it’s so hard on the body and there’s many societal/financial/health/environmental reasons to be child free, but I don’t think of motherhood as completely surrendering yourself to another. Of course you’re going to have to come first to take care of anyone else. Like the airplane scenario, you put your oxygen mask on first, otherwise your desire to only focus on another’s wellbeing might take you out for not ensuring you can function before helping. I’m not saying go and abandon your kids to live your best life clubbin’ or anything, but moms are encouraged to take time for themselves and lean on help. and sometimes return to the club! Lol. doing most of the baby tending by oneself and obsessing about being perfect for your baby is a risk factor for PPA/PPD. untreated psychiatric issues are a disservice to the mom and eventually the child if you don’t reach out. Just wanted to provide this perspective in a world of Extreme Motherhood.
You said “I don’t wanna scare anyone”. Dude, if the reality is scary, then you’re doing us all a favor by telling the truth! I would rather know the reality and be scared, than be lied to and ignorant to what motherhood REALLY is. I wish I could give you a big hug, what you are going through is insanely difficult. I personally am child free strictly because I look at warrior moms like you, and I know I do not have that in me! It takes STRENGTH like none other. I am so glad you have a loving husband, and doctors who are listening to you and receptive to you, and I am so glad your baby is healthy. I am wishing you, Zack, and baby all of the best. Oh and by the way, it is totally up to you whether to take medication or not. It is such a hard decision to make. One perspective, think of how helpful the epidural was and how it ultimately was better for you and for baby. Even if it isn’t what you planned or you have concerns, sometimes being alive and okay (regardless of HOW you accomplish that) is what’s most important for both you and baby too. But either decision is a good one, you are deciding out of love for yourself and your baby 💕
@@cateharding Yes it is. People can't prepare for everything, especially if they can't have all the help needed. Your comment is toxic and just perpetuates delusion. You can't know if you don't have children, period.
The whole time I've been pregnant I've had horrible depression nobody tells you that can happen its been misrable. Since I've started hiking and talking to other moms about it It's started to feel a bit better.
Yes!! Please take note of alllll the negative experiences bc sadly it is MORE common than the lies we are spoon fed about how mothering is the best thing ever
