Prickly People! 

“Are we the baddies?” 😂 I love that show.

Also, there are people who have become addicted to the thrill of feeling insulted.

I call them “The People I Avoid.” They’re free to live by their rules, but I don’t have to.

We all can get prickly about things. My Grandma has anxiety and seeks greater control to manage her anxiety. She hot nicknamed the Warden. When her anxiety got treated she became more curious and less controlling. I told her that I was getting help and would like her support. She started applying some of the stuff from my counciling and then joined family counciling. Then she got enough internal security and was able to feel safe she went to her own therapy. Sometimes we just need to keep a compassionate and open invitation as we continually self develop and explore. I get prickly about things I percieve as harmful or that threaten me. It takes reflection because trauma sometimes gets me excessively prickly. It feels empowering to be right. To correct or challenge people. People harass or troll for feelings of power too.

Ah, Sinead! They gave her a hard time, but she risked it I think she didn't really care; she was going to say what she wanted to say. She was courageous. How DARE a WOMAN, especially, be courageous. 🌺

As its been said, we don't see things how THEY are, we see things as WE are.

Thank you Mark V. I have found that it gets easier to lose the spike and prickly feelings as one ages. In my younger days I knew how everyone should be living their lives too.

I have a good friend who is on the autism spectrum, and is very religious. For years I have suspected that religion actually helps him because it gives him a framework to be socially accepted. He can remember 10 rules, plus his particular denomination's interpretation of these rules, and he will always have a place where he is accepted. Even if he moves across the country he can find a new church that is reasonably the same in beliefs as the one he grew up in. I think he is wonderful as he is, but I met him when he was 19 so already was religious. Things that he considers religious topics are the only thing we ever disagree on, so we mutually avoid what we can. There are some landmine topics that I have no idea are religious until I step into it, but that is life. So the topic that makes him prickly is one that I think probably has helped him navigate life in a more successful way than he may have otherwise. I am often able to give people more benefit of the doubt on their prickly issues because I know it may be a coping mechanism.

Thank you for your part in creating a space where we can explore these themes hopefully with minimal "prickliness". I find the online discourse in general can rather depressing, frustrating, exhausting and sometimes shallow with little genuine respectful disagreements or exchanges to be had. It's fascinating how some can compartmentalise their online persona from their default one. You still have to face yourself after!

Let's not be prickly against prickly people..

The authoritarian line made me laugh. But it is true. I know a few and I stay away from them.

"I made it clickable. Hopefully." 😄 I would have watched it anyway, all your videos are interesting and your voice is nice to listen to. Thanks as always. Have a good day everyone

Hi Mark, I found this video fascinating. I was thinking recently about what I refer to as black and white thinkers. They often say things like “it’s us versus them” or my favorite “if you aren’t part of the solution you are part of the problem”. Life isn’t that simple. No one seems to be willing to even consider both sides may have merit.

We do not perceive truth, we perceive our beliefs.

Great points, well-made. May I ramble back? One of the things about prickly people on social media: many of them are the groups who are on the receiving end of many other prickly people. Many of them struggle with "don't be prickly", as many people have lost the ability to 'read' people, as we have become so isolated. I see it in my pupils I teach at school: they cannot read demeanour, and often completely misread tone. I actually see a lot of that same inability to 'read' beyond the words online in the spaces I frequent. This compounds the prickliness for so many people out there. So my question you have awakened in me is: How do we fix 'don't be prickly'. Thanks for the sleepless night! Have a good day!

People become identified with their beliefs/worldview--so their beliefs become who they are. That is why they get so activated around their beliefs.

I think who you are describing are people who are self-righteous.

Freud's Superego? Sounds similar. The unforgiving Tyrant that controls you.

I think the veil is lifting, and we are seeing many, many people are narcissistic. Social media is heaven for narcissists.

Interesting new term I never came across before. I would add living in the USA that freedom of speech is a big part of this ( warped practice of) and we have a huge breakdown of societal norms. We live in a highly corrupt world at many levels. I believe some part of prickly behavior is noticing that and somehow wanting to preserve a sane safe world.

Excellent points, well made

It's like everybody wants to beat up everybody else on social media.........😕

Mark, totally see your point. And personally find moralistic woke cancel culture specially awful. My question is, what about q-anon level of delusional shit? Or nazi shit? Not just viewpoints, right? What is the limit between being open and not prickly to being permissive to evil shit?

Great topic, and OMG this resonates, because I Am a prickly person. In my defence I know it and try to incorporate new facts when I find them. However I think pricklies are somewhat different from narcissists. Most of us don’t actually scold or abuse people with different views, but we are known for discounting or ignoring everything “the other side” say, which can be silly and/or dangerous. I also wonder why people get so upset and angry about irrelevancies. Look at the vitriol over the Barbie Movie. I’ve not seen so many middle aged men get so angry about nothing really. Honestly, get some perspective, it’s a movie. I do agree the news streams in the Five eyes can be problematic, IMO started with Newscorp, but Europe, MENA and Asia appear to have a similar problem with media coverage being one sided. And sorry, but the USA appears to have just gone nuts. Appears to be a divided and unhappy country. For me, I do think social media has made this worse, but the behaviour of being nasty behind backs has always been there. A good rule of thumb was always, if you are embarrassed to say it to their face, don’t say it. This still works online too.🌹

this is one I must share with my sister... you are describing many moments with our other sister. We are in our 60's and are so lucky to have each other, We see at least twice a year: vacation with - with our husbands and grown children - and to spend Christmas with (we are many hours apart but on the same coast). But one comment, one misunderstood tone, a joke, my differing politics.... powder kegs got nothing on her.

Hi again Mark, I just watched a video by Mitch Brisker on his channel, Scientology The Big Lie. I suggested that the two of you had very similar experiences and should talk. Hoping this will serve as an introduction.

Thanks for sharing. Nice to contemplate on some deep thinking.

I was in the U.S. Army when the stuff with Sinead was going down, and I got into many an argument about her. She didn't stand up for the national anthem. Well, so what? She's Irish, not American! Why should she have to rise for our anthem? She ripped up the Pope's picture. I'm not and never have been Catholic, so who am I to judge a Catholic's reasons for disrespecting the head of their own church like that? I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed she had a good reason for doing what she did. Some people called her a commie b***. I've always held (and continue to hold) the opinion that most people throw around economic ideologies as slurs without even understanding the distinction between isms. Nazis were primarily Nationalist and secondarily Socialist, but somehow Nationalists are patriots while Socialists are pariahs. Socialism and Communism are considered to be synonymous with Facism and Totalitarianism for "reasons." As far as prickly people go, my parents are poster people for that. This past weekend I was in an argument with my dad because he was ranting about undocumented immigrants on welfare. First, as an immigrant himself, he has very little room to talk. Next, as someone who was once briefly entitled to unemployment benefits and was denied them on technicalities, I am very skeptical that anyone who wasn't actually entitled to benefits would be able to claim them in Texas. There was no reasoning with him, though. He pivoted to Fitch's degradation of our debt rating. I pointed out that it was primarily due to the Republicans' insistence on holding the debt ceiling hostage every single time it comes up for renewal, as implied by the fact that the list of reasons cited on Fitch's own web site begins with, "The rating downgrade of the United States reflects the expected fiscal deterioration over the next three years, a high and growing general government debt burden, and the erosion of governance relative to 'AA' and 'AAA' rated peers over the last two decades The rating downgrade of the United States reflects the expected fiscal deterioration over the next three years, a high and growing general government debt burden, and the erosion of governance relative to 'AA' and 'AAA' rated peers over the last two decades that has manifested in repeated debt limit standoffs and last-minute resolutions." He wouldn't hear of it. Instead he yelled that the debt ceiling had nothing to do with it, and blamed it all on Joe Biden's mismanagement. I've repeatedly tried to explain that the responsiblity for setting the budget falls on Congress while the responsiblity for utilizing the budget is the executive branch's domain, but it goes in one ear and out the other. One time he forwarded me a compelling argument about how much more cost effective fossil fuels are over electricity. It had a bunch of math, and everything. The only problem: the price of electricity that authors plugged into their formula to demonstrate a 50% savings with fossil fuels was about 1300% of the price that I actually pay for electricity. When I redid the math with real numbers, the article's methodology actually demonstrated a substantial savings from switching to electric vehicles. I never got a response from my dad on that. I just think he likes being mad all the time. Being angry about problems that don't even exist seems really exhausting.

Thank you so much for this video. Brilliant 🙏🏻

I normally do not comment but you hit the nail on the head with this video.

Hi Mark love your content please keep going I cannot wait to read your book. X

Ugh, more psychologizing. Thanks for the would-be seminar.

It's so hard to not engage with these people right now especially. For about 6months or so I've seen certain friends who historically were never political on social media, suddenly bite into a false narrative posting non-stop reels fear mongering about "the other". I saw the exact same pattern happen with my dad in 2015. I learned back then that trying to question or debate their post actually has an opposite effect and causes them to double down more. It leaves me feeling unsure on how to engage with them at this point in ways that compassionate but informative. For now, I've resolved to leaving them alone. I set a boundary for myself that I'll only let myself comment on one particular topic that her and I have common ground on, so that I can speak my experience rather than just abstract facts. From my point of view it feels like watching a zombie turn, but I'm actively trying to remind myself that she might feel the same about me and try to meet her halfway occasionally.

Another option: make really good friends with someone who really disagrees with you on most things. Talk to them often, but listen at least as much as you speak. Be curious. Find areas where you agree in the midst of overwhelming disagreement. It's challenging, but the reward is great.

I just discovered your channel and I am very much enjoying it. I escaped a cult myself so it is affirming to hear you speak on your experience. I always find it fascinating that all the cults that exist claim such varying objectives but in the end they are so much the same. It's a bit discouraging to have escaped a cult, only to open my eyes to a world that is forming numerous tiny cults around me and attempting to eradicate each other. The way you are speaking contributes to my hopes that we can change, thanks for that.

Love your podcast. Love your questions and thought inquiries. LOVE that you talk about patterns instead of succombing to being specific. I've been a prickly person before, I've gotten lost in the prickliness for years. Glad I'm out.

Yup!! My 4 brothers. I am ALWAYS in the wrong. So I don’t want to be around them. Ever. (Which is their loss, not mine!☺️)

Everything I've ever felt a need to speak out publically on social media about is because of the reality of climate catastrophe and the lack of time, the devistation that will result. Id appreciate anything anyone writes back to me about this.

stumbled upon your channel. glad i did. you put lots of my own rambling thoughts into structured sentances. Also explains things I have had questions about. lots of your content so far, even if about for example cults, also translate to other areas of society. you prese t it in a refreshing authenic way, at least that's what it feels like to me. Also you are cracking me up in this one. New subscriber.

Interesting thoughts. Thanks for sharing 👍🏻

Good stuff

Thank you!!!

The more integrated one is, the less division in their experience, the lesser the need for an external structure to bring a seemingly coherent structure. When moving to a genuinely internal locus of control, outside of ideology, the need of an external map dissolves, anxiety is reduced, and life feels more real. About the internal mechanism and temptation of ideology, narcissism, and inner conscience barometer, I strongly suggest listening to Africa Brooke's interview with Mikaela Peterson. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-qU7iXtHTVtI.html I'm really enjoying your podcasts .

Hi Mark. Try being raised by one of these people and then double it. That’s how I was raised. I grew up having to read the ambient mood in the room with my parents and now, at 53, it’s ingrained in me to try to “manage the room” to make sure there is peace. It’s exhausting! 🥺

Hi Mark. How is the documentary going? Is it safe for me to go to the doctor again? I haven’t been out of the house very much recently. Hope you are doing well.

In some cases you are describing self-righteous people, it might be prickly people, it also simply may be people with different standards than yours. They may be right, you may be right. It's best if everyone respects each other's boundaries. Some people won't be close with us, and that's ok.

I really appreciate your videos, work and wisdom. Its always amazing to me to see how human being can become so well thought out and so connected to being human after having lived very difficult challenge or trauma. I wish i was surrounded by people like you everyday. I wiuld find more benefit out of this life. ❤

💯💯💯

I agree. I stopped believing in anything because 'believing' always got me into trouble. Now, I just come to temporary conclusions that are waiting to change with new and better info. My current conclusion is that life is happening simply because the elements are there, and conditions are right. Nothing more. Nothing less.

New subscriber from the Guy Pearce interview. Enjoyed that. Watched The Vow as well, again perplexed at how gullible so many people are to believing that answers do not come from within and instead from one person telling you what the answers are. 🤔

Got to disagree Mark... I enjoy speaking my mind in public. Catch me on a wrong day and you're going to hear worse than whats on the internet. I also welcome hands. You lay hands on me and I own you financially bc I will not lay hands back, just press charges with a bloody smile on my face. Speak your mind. Dont be silenced due to fear. NO ONE is going to hit you. Bunch of weak cowards out there that need a reality check.

TL;DR: No one gets to be exempt from having empathy, whether you "have the truth" or not. I think I would define this prickliness you're talking about as allowing ideology to override empathy. Like, it's good to have values, whatever those may be. We all have them and need them. And yes, they can give us a sense of safety and it is possible to cling onto them too tightly. The problem you're talking about seems to come in when we weaponise those values and allow ourselves to act unempathically in the name of them. Even good values can be weaponised. Even an ideology that has empathy at its core (eg. feminism, anti-racism, vegetarianism, countless religious teachings, etc), shouldn't be used to exempt ourselves from behaving empathically towards the people we disagree with. Your vegetarian example illustrates this perfectly. Values can only be of value if we employ them with empathy. And yeah, the whole online thing doesn't help with this. Having said that, I think it's ok to feel hurt when someone is either being deliberately insulting, or even just well-meaning and ignorant. What you do with that hurt and how you then behave... this is where the prickly conversation comes in. Even if you're sure of your position on something, and even if you're hurt, you're still not exempt from empathy. And at the same time, you're allowed to be self-protective, even with someone who isn't intentionally trying to harm you. Self-protective doesn't mean being a$$h0lish [back], though. I suppose in some ways, it's about walking that line of assertiveness and not falling toward either passivity or aggression. None of us get that one right 100% of the time, and trauma survivors (which almost all of us are) struggle with this even more. And even then, bottom line, none of us are exempt from empathy. Also, there is value in being circumspect and questioning our ideologies. But that has to be balanced with trusting oneself; going, "Ok, this seems to be the way forward, but if it turns out not to be, I'll adapt and course-correct." We can't just all be in these constant doubting states of, "What even is truth?" That gets unhealthy and destabilising, too. So, trusting your gut, while being open to truly hearing out other perspectives, seems to be a decent middle ground between, "This is the absolute, exact truth," and "I can't know anything to be true."

Personally I am feeling more and more like this in many public spaces,it feels less and less safe for me in many public areas depending on the town or particular environment but it feels like generally like the more you step out of the matrix"as it were or society's norms and expectations then the more ill at lease I feel as it feel like you become a target for peoples own unhealed traumas or unconscious patterns. I think society as a whole and some towns or cities more than others are more authoritive,conservative,conventional or rule followers and expect things to be done in a certain way and anyone who steps out of this "norm"or doesn't act suitably scared which I think many actually are in society,scared of not fitting in,scared of being seen as abnormal.I think most people are absolutely spending so much of their time and energy saying "look at me...I'm OK...I'm normal...I'm a paid up member of society...I have a house,big car...wear certain clothes etc etc...I really feel like society is one big cult in many ways where disagreement or healthy disagreement and understanding multiple ways of being and seeing the world is less and less tolerated. Some cities are OK with this as its accepted there is a multiplicity of ways of being but some smaller towns etc it can feel so stifling...although even in cities where there is supposed to be more openness there can still be a more perfomative way of being. I agree with you completely,people are becoming so much more entrenched and reactive and so ready and wanting to be right all the time and see things in such black and white terms.There is such a reluctance to say "I don't know about something"or I'm gonna find out more about that...do some research or think about that ..."etc.This sense of I'm right which then makes you wrong kind of thinking, Its strange in this world where we have so much information at our fingertips and are exposed to so many more different cultures etc and yet it feels that people are becoming more insular in a way and as you say polarised. I think people find it very hard to sit with uncertainty,or complexity or focusing for too long on deep thinking or critical thinking. I actually think society operates in many ways as a cult,maybe not as strict or extreme but it still has its rules and norms and ways of marginalising and othering those who don't go with the dominant ideology.

It sounds a lot like unhealthy enneagram 1s

smart people are so smart that they know they are rights so you must be wrong

I love what you have to say about that. Idk what it is after narcissistic abuse, but you learn to question everything. Even yourself. I'm a Christian. Whatever other people believe is fine with me. It was fine with Jesus. I don't think he was actually religious. He said the Pharisees ( who were religiously law bound) had converts that were twice the sons of hell that they were. ( Which kind of like Socrates didn't bode well with the narcissistic who were afraid of anyone who wasn't like them. Since narcisstic abuse I watch behaviors. I try not to put a value on people. The media creates drama. They tell you what to fear, what to like, what to hate, what to believe, what to wear. They aren't my parents. If they were I'd leave home.

This is basically an episode about my mother and, by extension, one of the lifelong struggles I've had with myself. In my mother's case, I suspect that she got her prickliness from her father, as he was a very strict man and she was the oldest of seven. Despite her not really being religious (except for certain Santeria or Santeria/Catholic-adjacent practices), cleanliness and orderliness may as well be next to godliness. When pressed to elaborate on these tightly-held beliefs, her response is along the lines of "because that's the way it is. This is right because it's right, that's just how it is (or it's just common sense or "I know what I'm talking about.") It's an anti-thought process and it drives me crazy. Being the oldest of her offspring, I also got the brunt of this prickly indoctrination and the cost for not obliging was shaming. Despite not having all of my values aligned with hers, I did adopt a lot of the underlying framework of prickliness, except that for me, efficiency, lateral thinking, and intellect may as well be next to godliness. I recognize that this framework is embedded strongly in my psyche and I hate it, which then causes me to hate parts of myself. It's just bad stuff all around.

18:26 is where you get into the TRUTH!

I think I am one..

What are the five i's please???

But isn't that always easy said as an atheist? That's why I am often saying life with God/belief isn't easier than without. Of course if one has no belief in God they find religious people too strict? But maybe religious people just choose a more difficult path to walk in this particular life time. It's not about right or wrong it's about how many challenges you want to conquer in this life. It's a personal decision so to say. Of what to experience, what to take in consideration, what to be aware and conscious about and what not. People make different choices in that matter. Some decided to take things very seriously in this lifetime. I am sure behind that there is an individual soul plan behind that. And may it be only the one to discover that living too strictly or intolerant isn't the way. Let them.

Are you aware of any connections between Keith/NXIVM and IGGY semmelweis or @topgirlKeiko who are both associated with Andrew Tate???? We are struck by the similarities between Keith and Tates ideologies and strategies.