I've been binging all your videos, I love them. It's honestly a little eerie how many experiences in common we've had, especially the family stuff. You're doing great, thank you for sharing your experiences
I was diagnosed about 8 months ago at the age of 40. The first four months I was in a state of panic and was very anxious most of the time. Then some things happened made me feel better. But I am still in autistic burnout to the point that I can't work. I found a new special interest in Star Trek: The Next Generation, so I would watch several episodes per day for a few months and that really helped me. For me one of the big things was that I had always told myself that "If I just try hard enough, one day I will be 'normal' and everything will sort itself out". Once I had my diagnosis I knew that was never going to happen and that was really tough to deal with, full well knowing that that sort of thinking was obviously not good. Thanks for your videos, I can really relate to them!
You really became one of my favorite autistic creators. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for creating all your videos! I am also autistic (with ADHD) and your words are so ON POINT! I also really like your personality 💛
His Dana ,I want to thank you,you are incredible and you have helped me so much on my journey as a late self diagnosed Autistic 68 year old adult. I recently lost my wife,my job and my only friend ,then discovered I was autistic with adhd too,all this and for the first time in my life all alone. Having said that I am very luck in that I have a lovely home in the Welsh countryside side a little dog who I love and my special interests, music,nature,cooking(getting better slowly)and walking the dog and watching RU-vid. I’ll say goodbye for now ,much love Bob
Good for you Bob, for surviving all of that and carving out a new life for yourself, where I hope more happiness will grow. As a small dog owner myself, I can imagine the joy your little dog brings! I love youtube too! 🐶
Late diagnosis vs childhood in 70s. Don't seem much difference. In 70s they had little clue what autism was. I got put a special needs class, there were autistic kid, they didn't talk and there were the Asperger's kids, 3 of us. So i went through life not even knowing, other than mask and never let anyone see the real you as real you is broken and on one wants to see that. Information today is plentiful
Early diagnosis is very important but unfortunately too often hard to get. I have a wry smile when I hear people talking about being "late" diagnosed in their twenties when there are many people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are newly-diagnosed or more often undiagnosed - indeed some don't even know they are autistic. The older someone gets the harder it is for someone to get a diagnosis. Often older autistic people are overlooked by clinicians, sometimes because of a stereotype that autism is a condition of young people but also because they are written-off as "not worth diagnosing" and just expected to "cope".
I think for women part of the problem is that society has semi-normalized female autistic behavior. They've created stereotypes, in which their behavior is labelled as quirky or odd but within the norm of behavior and at the same time socially unacceptable.It's not simply that women are better masking.
“theory and research on autism suggest that individuals with ASD may have poor self-insight due to deficiencies in three main capacities: (1) the capacity to introspect on their internal thoughts and feelings; (2) the capacity to use concepts and language crucial for building self-knowledge; and/or (3) the capacity to engage in social interactions that advance self-knowledge through the opportunity to internalize others' views of them.” She doesn’t fall into the category of poor self-insight, that means she can make changes if she wants to, it will be hard but she has a starting point. She probably has a lot of learned helplessness to get over.
I am back at the mental health center. I have used Bupropion in the past and it seemed to help me with executive function. There is an aspect called autistic inertia. It is trouble strating tasks/activities and stopping tasks/activities. Procastrination can be a real problem. I put of tasks that are incredibly boring to me or just awfull. Or I dont finish them up or follow through once started. Was also tested for ADHD and fell short of ADHD diagnosis. Bupropion seemed to clear my mind of distracting thoughts without killing my creativity. So I hope I will get on it again soon. It is the only medication that had a good effect. If a type of medication works varies from person to person.
@@thijsjong I don't meet criteria for ADHD as below threshold for childhood features. My similar features as an adult can be explained by my diagnoses. Executive dysfunction can go with several diagnoses..
Not much is done officially. I have been able to find a therapist who understands autism. There is an adult online autism group that is put on by my state's autism society. It meets once or twice a month. And I get a certain amount of online support watching autism videos like this. That is all the support that I currently get. In the past when I was suspected to have autism I went to an occupational therapist. My friend who has autism goes to occupational therapy. So it is true that not much is done. But sometimes something is done.
It's the letting go of family that's getting to me so much..... I can hardly do anything on my own and the financial help I might be able to get is somewhere between uncertain and non-existent... my sister remains so ableist it's ridiculous (stupid ableist computer trying to say I'm spelling "ableist" wrong heehee) You're helping more than I could ever explain so I hope you never get so discouraged you quit or anything.... (I ellipsis too much, I know heehee)
People leave you to it because they don't care. They are wrapped up in their own thing and never stop to think, oh i should help my child/sister/brother, etc.
Life sucks, people suck. I'm a firm believer that family is what you make it, in life you bump into people (few and far between) who are worthwhile and you add them to your family. It is difficult to find genuine people who accept and support you for who you are though. You've done well
Growing up I was morbidly shy, yet my brother was so ADHD that he would literally destroy doors with his head and the trailer windows would shake and then my friends would ask what was going on? My dad too has a huge quick temper, wants everything kept in the family, and I should stick up for my brother no matter what! Why should I when all they did was shit on me and I tried telling them that and their response is that there's something wrong with me?? No, there's something wrong with all of us as a family. Then I find out that I could have gone on vacations, but because my brother was a handful, my relatives thought it wouldn't be fair for my brother if they just brought me! What? Thanks for telling me that now lol! Now with me saying I may be Autistic, my family has no clue why that could be and that I was working before so why can't I now? I've been trying to tell them all this time, grrrr! Sorry again for my rant, cheers
Each of your videos helps, Dana. Having not found out what was so different about me until my mid-seventies, one HUGE question I have is how different my life might have been had I known decades ago that WHY, and HOW, were everything that was unique and precious about my being alive. Hearing you speak about your life so far is not only getting to know you, but also gives me insight to who a younger me, had I known, might have become. Thank you.
A small tale of irony and profound stupidity be me: get's an autism diagnoses the system: you're not allowed to do that me: stress magnifies society: you must act normal me: normal what? thou make as much sense as a cat in the hat! society: *confused angry noises* me: dies the system: you're not allowed to do that, if you keep doing that there will be consequences. money, money, money drooled the bloodhound me: you wot m8?, just trying to keep it straight in this world so unsound. hospital: here have some pills so you don't literally explode on the inside :) also these pills will make hallucinate and put thee body in a lethargic state. me: thnx medic, but also to this I must now abide society: have you started acting normal already? me: ....................... really? and thus forth the tale came to an conclusion, I mean confusion, I mean conclusions, I mean confusion ... and so forth, like dancing in limbo..... -
I think we do get in trouble when we don't accept ourselves as autistic, different, and in most cases rather dorky. Those that don't sometimes adopt false personas like macho conservatism, trying to somehow be cool, don't know when that was cool, or someone like me that's thinks he's carlos the jackel rodriquez, without the women in every european country, but I wish, lol
One message I have for any newly diagnosed autistics, including you self diagnosed peeps. Learn as much as you can. I made the mistake of just listening to the psychologists tell me about the stuff they noticed and left it at that. But they don't know all of what you're going through. And you're likely operating, at this point, on what labels allistics have given you for the things you're living with. So learn more about it, find the correct terms for things you're living with, and learn how to deal with any issues. A very good starting point is learning what a meltdown is.
Same thing happened to me. I recently got diagnosed ASD/ADHD at 59! My ex told me I was. I ignored it. My friend said she knew I was and also never mentioned it. I have been in the mental health system for 38 years and NO ONE ever caught this. I was diagnosed BiPolar then Borderline. The usual dumpster diagnosis. I am trying to find a support system as an adult. It's not easy. And, it's really traumatic (and a relief) to find out who I really am.
I'm currently signed off sick with burnout. This video was amazing timing for me. I feel really down at the minute and I know I have to make a lot of big changes and hearing about your experiences going through it has really made me feel a bit better/bit more positive that things won't always feel like this. Thanks so much
I just got diagnosed at 25 and I've been struggling so much with what comes next in life whilst living with an abusive parent. Thank you SO much for this video. you give me hope that one day I will find my people
I am on disability for mental health issues. I was getting very discouraged because although I had made some progress on my mental health problems I felt stuck. My new case manager thought that I had autism. She used to help do autism assessments so she was pretty sure. I had been diagnosed with lots of things over the years so I was unsure. We kept calling the local university about an autism assessment but they didn't want to diagnose adults. After a year of calling they offered to put me on a waiting list for the actual waiting list. I told my case manager that I didn't care that much. I would give up on an autism diagnosis. I might not even have it. She really thought that I should be diagnosed. She suggested that I watch some autism videos on RU-vid. I watched videos by professionals and videos of adult women like this video. Then I was like, yes, I probably am autistic and I wanted to be diagnosed. But I was too scared to do it until I had Covid stimulus check money and I found an assessor who had experience in assessing adult women for a lower than average cost. I was terrified that they would say I wasn't autistic when I had come to believe that I probably was. I felt that autism was an explanation of why I wasn't progressing further in my mental health treatment. I was so scared I could barely talk at first during the autism assessment. I was happy when they said that I had autism. This happiness lasted for about 10 months (on a lower level). Someone said that you could have a honeymoon period after an autism diagnosis. I did. Then it started wearing off and I started having problems with my bipolar disorder. I was hospitalized for bipolar disorder for 10 days last month. I was kinda hoping that the autism diagnosis would end my psych hospital stays. But that was unrealistic. It might help reduce them. I don't know. So that's where I am now. We will see what happens next.
I felt fine for about 24 hours after receiving my diagnosis, after which I experienced something which I can only describe as being jolted sideways through reality. What followed was a month of me waking up every night, covered in sweat, after yet another nightmarish replay of seemingly random life events. These gradually began to lessen and were replaced by a feeling of rebirth and euphoria. It's now been several months and I feel a lot more grounded. While I found the initial experience of processing and integration disturbing, I'm glad to have had the opportunity to fill in the blanks and gain greater self-understanding. Self-reflection has also helped me better understand my daughter who is also on the spectrum.
4:27, that was my father’s verbal reaction, when I shared news of my sex chromosome abnormality (mine carries Autism & ADHD, as comorbidities)…”well, why does it matter now, when you didn’t know last month, and you were fine”. Well, I wasn’t fine. I hadn’t been fine since childhood. That legitimate question shut me down, made me upset, depressed, etc. We are at a different level of understanding, now…because he’s also neurodivergent.
Dana, I paused your video at 4:30, to compose my life experience/comment, then unpaused it, to hear you practically read it back to me. 😊 It must be an incredibly common experience, for all of us.
Thank you so much, for not only figuring this out for yourself, but for also putting it into words for others. I don't have the words for myself to explain how I feel about things, but you have explained things EXACTLY how they feel for myself. Thank You Dana.
Another factor that can explain late diagnosis or even non-diagnosis is when an autistic person presents initially with mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression. Often these become the dominant issue for clinicians even when autism is the actual cause. As so many autists also have mental health difficulties this can help to explain why so many either have a delayed diagnosis or never receive one. Often early diagnosis occurs because parents push hard for it or there's a clinician who sees it as the key issue, preferably both .
I was diagnosed with 14 mental health problems before I got an autism diagnosis at age 47. Only 3 or 4 of those were correct. So 10 misdiagnoses. The mental health professionals were seeing all my traits through a mental health lens. So most of them missed the autism. A few did see autism in me. That is why I ended up getting diagnosed.
@@Catlily5 This is an all-too common experience. It shows up the limited knowledge of many professionals on mental health and psychological conditions, especially autism which many still see as a childhood condition. Another factor is that autism is complicated, time-consuming and expensive to diagnose so clinicians may prefer what they see as the less difficult route of treating someone for anxiety, depression, etc. It's right that these conditions are treated but that shouldn't mean ignoring the autism that lies behind them.
I am a 33 year old lady. A few months ago I was diagnosed with adhd. Next week I have an appointment with the same therapist to see if I'm autistic. I never would have thought and am still coming to terms but watching videos like yours is helping. It's been a learning experience for sure, and I also wish I was diagnosed earlier because it's like, now what? Thanks for making videos like this, it is helping me through it.
This is a really wonderful video and a good reminder to continue to be kinder to myself and advocate for myself rather than slip back into the fawning/people-pleasing person I was for so long! Also: I really love your shirt, and I was wondering what brand it is/where you got it? It is so beautiful and looks cozy (a perfect combination)!
Hi, I super relate to a lot of what you said, especially with family. Thanks for this video. I’m a year into my processing journey and it’s so validating to hear other people are having/have had similar experiences ❤
I've commented on a few of your videos over the years. I wasn't sure where to put this but this video seems like a good place. Three days ago I received my Autistic Diagnosis after a very long wait, still hasn't really sunk in but it will. I just want to say thank you, I've been watching your videos since I discovered my potential Autism, they really helped educate me and keep me informed. It's interesting you got a level, I didn't, but might get one in the post. Thanks again.
thanks again for these videos. these videos are immensely helpful for me as someone in the process of being diagnosed. and to spare the parasocial trauma dump I want to write, I appreciate that you include aspects of your own life and trauma as they help to recognize things in my own life and help me learn maybe what to do about them.
what comes to mind listenin to your story is what I think about lately which is agency. I do have agency and other people act as if I don't and it takes a special push to say it out loud but I am glad I did and even if it was messy, I am glad I did say I have agency. is like what you say about platonic and chosen family is part of embracing ones own agency
Hi Dana, I've been watching your vids for a while and I really like your content. I don't have a diagnosis right now as my therapist wants me to work through shame before we talk about diagnosis. I have believed I'm autistic for over a year now, but learning about toxic shame has really been throwing me. I was wondering if you have any experience with processing shame and maybe what it was like for you? If anyone else has experience in having toxic shame and being autistic, I would like to hear from you... thanks
I have had toxic shame off and on. But I think that your therapist is trying to postpone you getting an autism diagnosis. You could get on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis and work on the toxic shame while you're waiting for an assessment.
