Autistic Decision Making 

Making decisions is a buffering symbol 🔄😩

Relatable. If we're ordering UberEats, I'ma need at least 20 minutes to whittle down the list of possible establishments.

Well honestly the situation with your mom would be confusing and difficult for anyone. But yes i definitely relate to difficulties with decisions, i have procrastinated decisions for months or years sometimes and just for silly things sometimes like a haircut 😅

Oh I hate making decisions!! It never gets any easier 😖

For me so many decisions are dilemmas where there are no good options. In those sorts of cases delay or avoidance is all too tempting even though it's far better to make an actual choice. The wise thing is often to seek advice but like you I often find that I don't like the advice that is given and either do the opposite or - more often - do nothing at all. When I do make choices so often they're bad ones. I think social isolation which so many autistic people face is a factor in all this. People who are more socially connected have had years, decades or a lifetime of learning from others and it makes it easier for them to make good choices. Another problem I find is that it's hard to ask for help because it can seem like imposing on people or embarrassing to admit having problems; therefore it seems "easier" to either make decisions alone or make no decision at all, both often leading to a bad outcome.

I really needed this because I've been struggling to forgive myself for making some decisions that I now regret, mostly social ones...

I've been working on my mental health for about seven years. I originally thought I had social anxiety and that's what made me reach out and get help. that taught me more about myself, how brains work and certain things to look out for. Then i knew it was a bit more complicated than just anxiety cuz I was relating with some more serious symptoms I'd never heard of. Later on I was diagnosed with bpd with traits of adhd, ocd, social phobia, depression, insomnia... At that point I was starting to get somewhere until I paused my doctor visits for about two years (I still currently haven't been since) after entering a really bad state of mind. In that time I've been watching videos like this to cope cuz it's insanely hard. Now I'm leaning more towards thinking I have autism, after all the time I've taken to sit and think. Your channel is the first one that didn't make me feel lead on or lied to for views. everyone else tends to say "if you watch gravity falls and like soft blankets and do dino hands you're autistic" then neurotypical people think "oh that's me cuz I do that sometimes, that makes me different in some way so I'll stand out and make it my personality" but i sense a realness in this and i found myself relating with all of your videos that I've watched so far already and you JUST popped up on my feed today lol You're really helping open my eyes in a non manipulative way so thank you. I think you'll do good finding real people by being real and that's always a breath of fresh air in a world of clones. Wow that was quite the lil novella I just wrote, sorry in advance

Hi, I just found your channel and wanted to say your videos are super relatable. I highly suspect I have autism and will be getting a diagnosis soon, and I feel the exact same way about making decisions. It always seems like there are too many options and each option so many details to consider, so I have no idea how people are able to do it so quickly. I was also in a similar situation with my mom a few years back. I wasn't no-contact for as long as you've been, but there were about 2 months where we didn't speak at all. We've always had a rough relationship, but when she got cancer everything got 100x worse. She always liked to take her stress out on me and it got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore and snapped. One of the hardest things was having her friends back her up against my brother and I. They would tell us we just didn't understand how serious the situation was, even though we were the ones who lived with her and our dad passed away a year before from the same thing. All that to say, I think you handled the situation really well. It's so hard to have conflicting feeling about someone in your life who you care about but also isn't safe to be around, especially if you're a person who already struggles with black and white thinking. I think taking the time to really process the information is a good thing, even if it can be annoying to need that time. Instead of just doing something impulsive and emotionally driven you took the time to get the full story from the professionals and make an informed decision about what would be best for you based on pervious life experience. I honestly think that that shows a level of emotional maturity that I wish more people had. I know all of this might not mean much from an internet stranger, but I remember how hard it was to make these decisions and how much I wish I had someone to validate that. It sounds like you have a good friend group irl, but if no one has said it to you yet, good job on making your tough decision! It might have been hard, but it sounds like you're doing what's best for you in the long run!

I sometimes struggle with decisions but when it just involves me I can get there, its when a decision involves someone else that I find it hard, it's as if they want me to mind read them and the times I do make a decision they end up saying they dont wanna do that but when I ask them sorelyat they would prefer they get mad that they get mad at me as if the decision is only mine. Basicly humans are frustrating 😂

You look ok. Thanks for the video. I have difficulty making decisions and resultant regrets. I also have delayed emotional processing. I don't know if this makes sense, but things that are obvious don't cross my mind. I engage as little as possible with my mum, who is 83 next week, so I sympathise with you and think you made the right decision and glad she is ok.

My dad and I r not speaking. It's a whole complicated thing. At first I was mad and I was glad we weren't but over time I came to see he's not all bad and wanted to talk again but he wouldn't and that's where we currently stand, it's been more than 10 years, I have 2 kids now. I thought maybe something like having kids would make him come to his senses but no such luck. Now I accept, maybe he will never talk to me again. I've thought about it too though, what if he dies or I learn that he's on his deathbed? I also live a plane ride away too so it would b a big expense as well which at least now would b a tall order I also struggle with a lot of decisions. What kind of job I should get. What groceries to buy. What to cook for dinner. Y r there so many different kinds of the same thing at the grocery store? It's over the top. I find u so relatable. I hope that u r well PS. I love your cat, pretty sure I say that every time lol

Making decisions can be so hard… that’s why I love being a vegetarian (beyond the obvious reasons). When I go to a restaurant my options are narrowed down to a few, which is much easier ❤ I understand your situation with your mother; I’ve also cut off my parents and I’ve wondered many times what I would do if something happened to them. It’s so tough…

i love that shirt i would totally wear that. the colors!

I had no idea the argos catalogue had stopped. #confusedandsad also will you do a video of your dr who stuff?

Oh man making decisions is the worst. I always feel like I have to be able to fully envision, "feel", how all the potential outcomes of a choice are going to be, before I can make a decision. For instance when deciding what shoes and jacket to wear, I step outside to feel the temperature, think about how long I'll be out, and check the weather predictions for that time. But if I have to make a decision where I don't know what the outcome will be, how can I then make an informed decision? Yesterday I went to buy myself a bag for magnesium, that you use while sports climbing. So I brought my climbing harness to the store and literally stood there, holding the different bags next to the harness, and trying to imagine myself climbing in the future and seeing which of the two I was deciding between would "feel good"...... God my brain is exhausting sometimes.

I get decision paralysis all the time. I'm supposed to be picking an underdesk bike peddler right now so I can get moving a little bit (I have chronic illness). There are a million of them on Amazon. How do I know which one I should get? I have no idea. I know I should just pick one. It doesn't even matter which one. But how? Sigh.

Choosing from a menu is a nightmare. To reduce the work load choosing from a menu i reduce it to yes no for considering the page. Then once i get a yes page i go from the least expensive and up yes no and the first one I'm willing to eat is chosen. The downside is you've either gotta be flexible in your diet or good at lying about how good the food is.

I was exactly the same as a kid with the Argos catalogue. I still struggle with simple decisions. Everything gets broken down to two options so do I want fish and chips for tea or do I want curry for tea sort of thing. As for other things, I need to know every single variable. I need to know every detail and then I’ll sit there and weigh everything up carefully over days and weeks. You can’t give me a time limit, I need to be able to weigh it all up so chuffing carefully before I can make a definitive decision

the relief i feel when someone (usually the male variety lol) just tells me what to do is soooo omg i wish i had that every day. I struggle so hard with decisions. and it is absolutely draining. it could even be a "simple" as do i shower or do i not (theres lke 10t asks before and after i have to do. another issue that comes up is when trying to form an opinion. All i see are valid reasons for all sides (most of the time) and so I carry on, Not realizing that all those times were actually me denying my rights, and myself. ick to me haha

Are you sure it's not a hospice? Because hospice can also be described as in-between hospital and home. And is usually when end of life is very near. I think many mothers don't really understand autism in females. Mine didn't/doesn't. They just assume autism presents as a carbon copy in all. And they unknowingly force daughters to mask. If you plan on forgiving her, maybe make sure you tell her and why, before it's too late. If only to protect yourself from regret.

Cool shirt Dana:)

Wow so relatable