Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and here are videos related to this one: ▶ Emotional Intimacy Vs. Enmeshment: Where To Find True Connection ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-UNxTHvajxUw.html ▶ Why The Other Person Doesn't Have To Change | Untangling Codependency & Enmeshment ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE--iUPjm3tjEs.html ▶ How To Settle Disagreement Gently Instead Of Shouting Matches Or Angry Sulking | Conflict Resolution ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-PLM4uXOzXGU.html ▶ Relationships playlist ru-vid.com/group/PLzRKYOPcN3c8Xs4q3xXlsmGuVAANt3GmE
This is helpful, but it would be helpful to have some concrete examples of what you mean. My guy doesn't tell me how he feels and expects me to know. He seems to lack emotional intelligence or immaturity. Can you make some suggestions for how we can deal with this type of behaviour, please?
Thanks for this follow-up question - I think this is an important question, I've noted it down on my "next video ideas" list. (It might take a few weeks, I always create videos in batches and have the next month planned & ready already... :-) )
Abort relationship now. He will be the girl in the relationship for the rest of your time together. You will be miserable and a shell of a person after being on his ‘please me’ treadmill. Just run a little longer, more, more more, incline, more……….
Where do you draw the line between enmeshment and feeling the need to correct people because their ideas are harmful? I am thinking about certain Muslim friends who have anti LGBT views. Where do you draw the line between respecting their ways of life and feeling the need to correct their views?
Good question! I think the line between enmeshment and civil courage is thin. If someone has a view that's harmful to / excluding of others, I think it shows civil courage to say something. At the same time, that doesn't mean we have to get into an argument every time we see them, or aggressively try to change their perspective... To me, it's a good idea to make sure the other person knows you see it differently and that you don't find their perspective helpful, and that you'll stand up for anyone / have their back in case the other person mistreats them based on their predjudice. I've got a video on this channel where I talk more about this: Subtle Acts Of Exclusion: How We Unintentionally Make Others Feel Like They Don’t Belong ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-p9e-wNMxjYU.html Enmeshment happens when we act guided by our own inner wounds and unhealed problems. Civil courage means standing up for someone. The two can mix, too... Just make sure to filter out your own issues when you stand up for others, then you're outside the sphere of enmeshment.
Great question! Thanks for asking. I'm sorry to hear you were abused and hope you're on your way to healing 💗 By "own your reality" I mean - allow yourself to see what's going on inside you, don't brush it aside as if it wasn't important, or as important as the other person. Be honest with yourself about what you like, what you don't like, what's ok with you and what isn't, what's manageable, and what's too much for you. When someone is stuck in patterns of codependendy, they often deny themselves an honest look at themselves, their inner world, their feelings, thoughts and needs. Owning our reality starts with honestly looking within. It then continues on to translating our needs, boundaries etc. into our life. If something is real within you - for example that you feel hurt by a certain comment someone made - owning that reality means allowing yourself to acknowledge this hurt and then to strategize what you want to do. This could be seeking a conversation with the other person, and letting them know how their comment affected you... Another example for owning our reality is: we've had an exhausting week (this is the reality we feel in our body and mind), we need time to rest, we do something to get this time. When we don't own our reality, we try to give ownership of our reality to someone else. We hope someone else will understand what's going on (without us needing to communicate it), and that someone else will take care of the arrangements that we need. Or we might hope our reality will be taken care of, just by taking care of others...
