Q: "I can't keep up & my husband doesn't get it. Any advice?" - How Tom & I FINALLY made peace!

Подписаться 778 тыс.

Просмотров 129 тыс.

50% 1

For the first 5 years of our marriage Tom and I were completely at odds when it came to keeping the house up and figuring out our roles. It was frustrating and caused quite a few arguments between us. So when we received this question from Susanna this week could relate 1000%! We did finally work it out, and here's how!
R E L A T E D V I D E O S :
How I found Minimalism: • Why I became a minimal...
How I've become a tidy person: • How to easily keep a t...
How to declutter without making a mess: • How to Declutter WITHO...
Beginner Minimalism: 5 things I wish I could have told myself at the START!: • Beginner Minimalism: 5...
🖤 FACEBOOK: / minimalmom
🖤 INSTAGRAM: / the.minimal.mom
P O P U L A R L I N K S :
🍪 Lazy Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars: www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.co...
🥮 The BEST (& easiest) Triple Chocolate Bundt Cake in the Entire World!!: www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.co...
🖤 BOOK RECOMMENDATION: The Minimalist Home amzn.to/2GPO0hM
LISTEN FOR FREE ON AUDIBLE: amzn.to/2ItCr2f
*AFFILIATE LINKS! THANK YOU!!!*
#minimalism #familyminimalism #minimalist
R E L A T E D :
Eliminate Paper Clutter Video Part 1: • Eradicate Paper Clutte...
Organize Paper Clutter Video Part 2: • Simple Paper Clutter O...
THE TRICK TO SIMPLIFY YOUR KITCHEN QUICKLY: • Simplify your Kitchen ...
KITCHEN TOUR : • Minimalist Kitchen Tou...
MY MEAL PLANNING SYSTEM VIDEO : • Simple Meal Planning y...
📺 P O P U L A R R E L A T E D:
Why I became a Minimalist: • Why I became a minimal...
The Best Place to Start with Minimalism: • Best Place to start wi...
What to do when You get STUCK: • Decluttering Sentiment...
Video FAQ: • FAQ from Previous Vide...
🖥 R E L A T E D P O S T S:
How I store and organize kids clothes: www.theminimalmom.com/how-i-st...
Baby Keepsakes- What we keep & how: www.theminimalmom.com/baby-boxes/
..............
🛍 Affiliate links:
📷 My Camera (that I LOVE!!): Canon G7X amzn.to/2o9hWLi
⌚Watch: (also LOVE ;) Garmin vivoactive 3 (White & Rose Gold) amzn.to/2HPGFQr
🖤 Tripod: amzn.to/2MMFzHs
..............
Royalty-free music used with permission from the RU-vid Creator Studio, Epidemic Sound and purchased from AudioJungle.net

Хобби

Опубликовано:

17 авг 2020

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 567

@TheMinimalMom 4 года назад

Relationships are COMPLEX! So what worked for us may not work for you, but we hope there are pieces that can help!! THANK YOU for watching!! - Dawn & Tom R E L A T E D V I D E O S : How I found Minimalism: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-m7IyvfXanFI.html How I've become a tidy person: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-sS-n_sPYNyU.html How to declutter without making a mess: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-7yQqvQ99MVw.html

@TheAtWhatCostBlog 4 года назад

I LOVED THIS VIDEO! That was such a great question. I wonder what my husband's answers would be, because I totally remember feeling like that too.

@tryagain3283 4 года назад

3 families in my home. Me, my husband. My daughter and 4 year old grandson. My oldest brother. I can’t sleep for the stress of the clutter and working so hard on my faith in Christ to clean up my spiritual life. When I do get to sleep sometimes days !!! I wake to see that nothing has changed and straight back to overwhelming dread and stress and ultimately feeling depressed !! Then completely lost as what to do and where to start. For over a year or more I have begged and pleaded with everyone to please pick up, get ride of things that are just pulled out and left to get to something else. No one in my home has a desire for Christ or to unpack our home. At this point, every room is a dumping ground and no one care about either except me !! I need so much help and prayer bc I do feel like they go hand and hand. Is It just me that feels this way? Am I wrong? Please pray for me and my family that our lord will do a work in them to just see how I feel give them some compassion for Christ and let their eyes be opened to the peace of Christ and having a MUCH LESS cluttered home. I don’t even know if Im saying anything that makes since to anyone but myself. Much love to all and may the peace of Jesus be with you, IN JESUS HOLY NAME AMEN 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️

@liezelyoung3817 4 года назад

Love watching your videos Dawn. On my checklist I want man that's as good with diy like Tom. Where do you charge your mobile devices and keep it at night? ❤️🇿🇦

@kaleigh4081 4 года назад

@@tryagain3283 Maybe you can try decluttering one tiny thing at a time - a drawer or a cupboard. Or just clear off one table. It must be very overwhelming with so many family members not being in the boat. So glad you have Jesus on your boat though. 😊 Sending best wishes to you for some better days.

@tryagain3283 4 года назад

KaLeigh : Thank You so much ! And yes you are right, that is what I have to do ! Not long after posting that comment were thoughts and feelings that hit me. I know, no one else is bothered or cares about either their salvation or a over cluttered home. THIS IS MY HOME WHOME THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME WITH, THANK YOU JESUS !!! So this being my home . I will clean it !! Everything that is not mine or husbands will be put in box’s and put in the shed, if they look for or want it then they can go find it. I’ll be willing to bet they all will see me doing this and not even ask what im doing or even care or need / want anything that is out of their site. Thank You and God Bless You always 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️

@patsyporter5082 4 года назад

This was so impressive! No assigning blame, just acknowledging feelings, finding solutions, taking responsibility. So mature. I love it! 😊👏🏻♥️🇨🇦

@CookiesAndCosmos 4 года назад

Also, lots of love shown for each other. (I love the way he looks at her when she is talking! They are so cute together!) They are a great example for others to follow. ❤️

@alldoneup 4 года назад

It shows their level of love, respect, and commitment towards one another. It's beautiful and it's something I strive to do in my marriage.

@MrsTiredmom 4 года назад

My husband is a packrat, but has joined me in simplifying (not quite at the same level yet, but progress is good) and he actually said to me a week ago about our bedroom, "I didn't think I'd like this, but it is actually very peaceful." Then just a couple days ago our house was getting a little untidy and he came to put a bag of his things away. When I asked what he was doing, he replied "Just putting my things away. I gotta do my part because our house is getting a little messy." This NEVER would have happened in the past. He us coming around because he is learning he likes our tidy simplified spaces.

@KarenAnn_2007 4 года назад

Same here. My husband is a pack rat too. So ne decluttering my stuff had really helped alot on keeping the house tidy.

@TheMinimalMom 4 года назад

This is SO awesome to hear!!!! 💕

@kelseyd4196 4 года назад

Awww Andrea! When I read that your husband said, "Just putting my things away..." it gave me goosebumps! It finally clicked for him! He's on Team Simplify! So happy for you guys!!!

@cindland 4 года назад

Bravo!! Congrats.

@CookiesAndCosmos 4 года назад

Dawn, you are changing the world, one home at a time. =) Maybe more importantly, you are changing the world of each of the individuals in those homes. ❤️

@thatssassy9697 4 года назад

When my children were young my grandfather became ill and I had to go out of town for a couple of days. My husband took those days off to take care of the children. When I returned the first thing he said was "I will never again think when I get home from work 'what did you do all day'. I just didn't understand." There are just some days even with less stuff....

@nicole1184 4 года назад

ThatsSassy What a blessing to have heard that when they were young. So many moms never hear this and doubt their abilities in taking care of their kids.

@lisas2538 4 года назад

ThatsSassy I love this story. Thanks for sharing.

@karolinaleszczynska3245 4 года назад

They need to be in our shoes to understand.

@karolinaleszczynska3245 4 года назад

One time I left my husband with our five years old for few hours and I came home to such a mess that I couldn't even find one clean dish or fork.

@mary-annz.reynolds7778 4 года назад

Same here. Husbands do get it.

@kelseyd4196 4 года назад

My husband recently traveled for work and stayed with family. Let's just say their home is NOT simplified. At all. After just a few short days there, my husband came home and expressed how grateful he was for the way we live. For all the work I've put in simplifying for the last 2 years. To quote him, For "How spoiled he's been to live this way." Even my son chimed in and said, "Mom, you have to LEARN how to live this way. We've learned how." Eureka! My guys are finally on board!!! It's been a long road, but everything I'm doing is 10000% with it! It was oh so gratifying to hear their words!

@CookiesAndCosmos 4 года назад

I heard of a woman who would tell her children in the late afternoon, "Let's tidy up the house so when Daddy gets home he'll know we've done our work too." I knew I had been working all day at home, but it didn't always show! This helped my attitude toward the end of the day (when I was getting SO tired!). It put my children and me on the same "team" to show our work for the day. I admit, I didn't always approach the evening this way but it was a game changer when I did =)

@light6230 4 года назад

When what you do all day is raise human beings, your work may not be visible but there is no more important work♥️. Thanks so much for helping us reduce the load of the less important work of caring for stuff.😊

@amyhansen1086 4 года назад

Love this comment!

@carolynoquinn1638 4 года назад

I don't know how you got any work done with 4 babies at home?! The word impossible comes to mind! You guys are adorable. Love ya.

@TheMinimalMom 4 года назад

Hahaha, that's why the house was a disaster!! 😉

@rocasey1 4 года назад

The Minimal Mom - God’s Grace comes to mind! Thank you for all you share for His glory. I so appreciate you and your advice, it is changing my life!

@auntyjo1792 4 года назад

Yes what did you do all day.? Work and keep 4 babies safe.

@An_Actual_Woman 2 года назад

What did you do all day?? More than he did????????????

@terrielvwl 4 года назад

I've made 4 or five trips to goodwill and I couldn't even tell you most of what I gave away. Out of sight out of mind. Still a long way to go but it feels good to get two rooms easy to clean.

@bethlewis9981 4 года назад

The beginning of this video made me remember how my mother used to dash around tidying both the house and us kids, getting dinner started before my father came home from work. She actually changed into a dress and then mixed him a drink as he was coming up the driveway. How times have changed!! In a big women's lib tirade, I once asked her why she did that and she answered that she loved him and wanted him to be happy to be home.

@CampHorton 4 года назад

THIS is the crux of the matter! Doing something out of love. Thank you for sharing!

@elizabethwright4784 4 года назад

Trying to keep 4 children, under 4, alive is a great accomplishment! The fact that you had some website & graphic design clients is going above & beyond! You two are fun to watch! 📹

@emmaainger7474 4 года назад

Yes! My thoughts are that looking after children is way harder than going out to work. Daddy can pick up the toys!

@funnyshirl06 4 года назад

I did a major household purge back in January when I first found your channel. My husband was super skeptical at first, bc he grew up poor and couldn’t have “all the things.” So, while he HATES clutter, he was resistant to the idea of getting rid of kids’ toys especially. Recently, I told him I wanted to go to a community yard sale. He said, “What do you think we need? I miss my minimizing wife. Bring her back!” 😂 And, despite my best efforts, thanks to the generosity of friends and family and several birthdays this year, it’s time for another major purge. Minimalism is hard to maintain in our first-world culture! I feel inspired again by this video. Thanks for sharing!

@rebekahc304 3 года назад

Thanks for sharing! My MR had a similar background...it brings unexpected challenges ❤️

@keelyokeefe5270 3 года назад

My husband is the same way, we both grew up poor, but while I take it as we don’t need these things, he takes it as I want my kids to have all the things! LOL. But the concept of a silent to do list really spoke to him, and I am hoping that we get places soon 🤞🏻

@Kate.West. 4 года назад

4 kids under five! its amazing you got anything done at all!

@KruezFam 4 года назад

S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y. :)

@karolinaleszczynska3245 4 года назад

And not go crazy.

@alldoneup 4 года назад

Kids are a blessing and you can choose to raise them be good and helpful. Many parents have better behaved kids because they invest their time in guiding and grooming their kids from an early age.

@rebeccaarcher3851 4 года назад

Wait, getting this straight. So wife is caring for four babies, making money on her computer as well as doing the laundry and cooking most of the time and somehow that wasn’t enough? I’m very, very glad that you found such a great way to simplify your lives! I understand the frustration and feelings of failure so well!!! But so many of us live without acknowledging the stuff we DO and the victories we achieve while focusing on the mess.

@ceemay3981 4 года назад

Yeah i havent finished the video but i am feeing enraged by this concept! I am not a stay at home mum i work full time but why does she have to have everything perfect for him to walk into. She is working AND caring for FOUR kids. Like mate come home and maybe take the kids for half hour so she can tidy or spend half hour yourself cleaning or starting dinner

@winterinbloom 4 года назад

@@ceemay3981 This bothers me too. I have not always been able to make a peaceful environment for my husband. Fortunately he doesn't expect one, only appreciates it when it can be managed. But seriously, as the one dealing with all the chaos of children all day long it's not like anyone is creating a peaceful atmosphere for me to relax in at the end of the day when my nerves are shot.

@lifewithlarsandsusie8315 4 года назад

I thought the same when she was telling about those years because it was the same at our house. I was working and had little kids and a mess. But my husband is a hard worker too.... I have simplified and life is better now. Much simpler and older kids! I have little kids still but don’t work at all outside the house

@rachelm1812 4 года назад

I’m very blessed that my husband NEVER complained. Ever. Even when he’d come home seeing a half eaten sandwich, wife still in pjs, supper not cooked and a crying baby. Baby in swing, wife in shower, he’d start a load washing and start on supper. When I returned to work after the kids were older he sat me down and said I would have to let him help. I couldn’t do it all. Now the kids have flown the nest and we miss that crazy time. We are working to simplify our house but loved that time in our lives.

@AChickandaDuck 4 года назад

I had the same reaction. Taking care of 4 kids, including a newborn, AND working from home? There should be literally no expectation that the house will look good at the end of the day.

@misskittycatcat123 4 года назад

I agree that minimalism decreases the mental load in a family/home and decreases the time it takes to clean and/or make decisions. I'm glad you found a solution that works for your family! Dawn, in your story you were working and keeping the kids alive all day. Why did you have to also be the person responsible for cleaning their messes so another person feels less stressed? Why do you have to be the person that plans and makes the dinner you all eat after that person has finished their work? Why are you expected to be a teacher, housekeeper, chef, and graphic/website designer at the same time? Tom was only doing one job for part of the time. The fact that all of your jobs happen within the same general location as your leisure activities, does not lessen the mental and energy burden they place on you. I' assume Tom did and does a lot of things for your family while he is home (hello beautiful new deck!). The husband in the question you answered did not do much during the week. In response to the question, yes I do think the husband has too high of a standard if he thinks his wife should be doing 3+ jobs for 168 hours a week while he only does one for 40 hours and another for a couple hours on the weekend.

@beccacarrillo 4 года назад

My thoughts too!

@allisonc7258 4 года назад

YES!!!

@nice_flowers_are 4 года назад

Wow Catherine, there seems to be a lot of resentment for "that person" in your comment.

@allisonc7258 4 года назад

Samantha Alaniz And judgment of her in yours.

@teliciamckee9477 4 года назад

I guess my thought was she did it out of love. I think most women feel the load is a bit uneven. I think she wanted to make him happy because she loved him and in a sense saw herself in the same way of feeling like why am I Always over extending and still feeling behind. Just my opinion. 😇

@sarahbowen4392 4 года назад

I realised listening to you both that I actually try and declutter other members of the family items when actually it is me who has the most clutter 🤔 I am going to rethink and start by decluttering my own stuff ( which is harder) than theirs and blaming them for the mess 😀 ( which is really due to my own frustration). Thank you both

@sundoesshine8800 4 года назад

Omgosh soo true. Whenever I get frustrated by someone else's ways, I simply tell myself I can do so, - as soon as I pick up or do all the things I'M supposed to do. Shuts me right up or gets me happily working on my stuff instead of fixated on another's.

@jessieelliott3157 4 года назад

Love that laugh!! My husband is a primary school teacher. He asked that dreaded question a few times when our now teens were little and went on to say he had been looking after 25 kids all day. That never went down well.

@ClaudiaMartinez-pj5xd 4 года назад

It is great how you give each other grace and understanding. You are modelling it in this video. I think the best thing between spouses is to give each other grace, forgiveness and understanding. Assume good intentions.

@JM-ev5ym 4 года назад

“If they have more toys, it’ll keep them more occupied. If there are more dishes, then there will likely be a clean ones in the cupboard. If we have more clothes, then we don’t have to do laundry so often.“ Omg, this just summed up our household. And with raising six kids it’s become so much inventory there’s absolutely no way to manage it. At least I try to keep the front room clean, so there’s initially a tidy visual when you first enter our home. (Does anyone else do that?) But the rest of the house needs so much purging. It’s so overwhelming...

@jessicaderstine4061 4 года назад

I hear you! Want a tip for starting? Pick a lesser used drawer. Declutter it. Prove to yourself you can keep it clean. Build on that victory and gain momentum. 😉

@brookesmith7359 4 года назад

I hear you! We have 5, and I’m definitely in the onion layer stage right now. I’ll declutter their clothes and toys and then in 2 months do it all over again because it’s still too much to manage. But it’s getting easier and honestly, my kids play way better with fewer toys now than they did with more 6 months ago. Plus, it’s so much easier to clean up!

@tawnytuppence5573 4 года назад

Take that frustration and use it in your simplifying process. One of my favorite ways to deal with overwhelm is to remove things that aren’t essential. Momentum builds, and I feel better. I recommend it! Best wishes-you can do it!

@mimijohnson7714 4 года назад

J M completely understand that!

@chelseagarchar4338 4 года назад

Yep I’m there with ya. I have 3 kids and it’s a lot to handle inventory wise.

@annejoyner3729 4 года назад

I love how both of you try to balance being honest and being kind- it's a challenge sometimes with those we love. My husband has a MUCH higher threshold for clutter than I do and we have basically decided that he has one space- his den- that I don't touch. The exception- if we are having company, then I remind him in advance that we usually gather in his den and he'll do a clean-up. He is much more open to straighten up without any frustration or anger because I've not been nagging him daily for months about his things.

@TheMinimalMom 4 года назад

Love this!! 👍❤️

@joannbirdsong583 4 года назад

Anne Joyner oh I can relate to this. My husband didn’t mind clutter AT ALL! When I would ask him to put things away, he did. No problem. It all disappeared in a few minutes time. But, of course, everything had been shoved into cupboards and closets to the point where you couldn’t find anything else in there. Then later, I would “take care of it.” He didn’t even notice.

@danabrown2391 4 года назад

😟

@michelleprice5945 4 года назад

when I started decluttering our house a year and a half ago my husband would tell me how nice the house looks and what a great job I was doing with not adding stuff to the house and I fed off that praise! now he's decluttering his old toys from the rafters and I'm praising him. our son is 10 and he's also a great helper. makes the house a happy home. I tell everyone i know and don't know, check out the minimal mom!!

@whitneyhults-richartz2919 4 года назад

The smirk Tom keeps giving you is everything 😂 My husband loves his things and I’m the minimalist. I leave his stuff alone and the bickering has ceased, which has actually caused him to start minimizing on his own. Great video!!

@jacquieful 4 года назад

Good stuff. I remember when my kids were little and everything seemed chaotic at home my husband Would stop at the supermarket parking lot and take a nap in his car before coming home to face us! Lol

@teliciamckee9477 4 года назад

😂😂😂

@tryagain3283 4 года назад

Funny 😆 ! But, wrong on so many levels lol. God Bless 🙏🏻

@SouthernMama2five 4 года назад

It is good to hear that it took you 4 years to fully simplify. I am going through this process myself, and I become so discouraged because some days it feels like I will never make sufficient progress. I just need to give myself "grace," I suppose.

@whatzupLizzy 4 года назад

Nice you can smile about it now. Dawn, you inspired me to declutter years ago (no kids, but a very busy life), and we are both much happier. No stuff is more important that my sanity and happiness.

@clairemack2750 4 года назад

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CLEANED UP THESE SAME TOYS?" Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Omg, yes. I absolutely agree with your advice, Dawn, and I'm in the middle of it, where the hubby is realizing how much happier we are with so much less stuff despite being the biggest proponent of a "This could be useful someday" mentality. I spent YEARS feeling so resentful because the house was just so overwhelming, and when the husband would come home and give me THAT LOOK, I'd just feel like such a worthless clod to him. To your reader - please LISTEN. Dawn's giving you the absolute correct answer.

@TheMinimalMom 4 года назад

Thank you Claire!!!

@carolecampbell8813 3 года назад

No you make a mistake when you clean up these toys day after day, time after time. You begin when your child begins taking toys from the toy box or shelves. Model picking up one at a time, maybe say toys name and get them repeat. Pick up should become as routine as taking a toy out. Next you probably have another child. You should have already begun telling older child you need to put that back if done playing with it. Your younger child will join in probably before they can truly walk. "Here Jamie, you want to put this in toybox?" They learn to pull up to get toys out before they walk, they can learn to put away and have no negative connotation with that CHORE. We all need to learn to put things away not lay down. You are doing a disservice to your children when you don't teach them proper life skills. We've all had someone over, be they child or adult that leaves a messy trail everywhere they go in your home and you are glad when they leave. Teach your children to be good people-students, friend, spouse, even employee. Everyone will be happier. Today's dad can't come home, sit down at tv or computer, take off every weekend with friends for golf, ball games, etc. Everyone in family picks up for themself and helps with chores. Young children love to help when included.

@valeriethompson493 4 года назад

I like the term clutter threshold. It makes so much sense why my husband doesn't like walking into our home after work-to see lots of unwashed dishes on the counter, or other things lying around. He wants to come home to find a relaxing and peaceful environment-not a dumpster filled with clutter, unclean dishes, things left unattended for several days. Clutter threshold. Honoring our families, promoting peace one household at a time! Thank you!

@sonja_rademacher 4 года назад

When my husband comes home from work he would never ever be discouraged by clutter or me not knowing what to make for dinner. He has worked 8 to 10 hours at work and he knows that I have worked 8 to 10 hours in the house. I have done the laundry, homeschooled the kids, worked in the homeoffice, cleaned the floors, the sink and what not and have taken care of the kids every second. My husband knows that. When he comes home everyone of us has had a hard work day so we cook together, tidy up together and spend time with the kids together. Why should a man's workday stop at 5pm while the woman keeps on working? That would not be fair.

@AChickandaDuck 4 года назад

Amen!

@Raven.13 3 года назад

Absolutely!

@anitah.7906 4 года назад

Our husband's don't even have to SAY anything, we are already sensitive and probably feeling guilty over the mess that many times we interpret their looks in the worst possible way. Although there are definitely times they are thinking what in the world happened here. I find that a cheerful loving welcome home with a nice hug and kiss helps a lot despite the state of the home. If we are already pensive, defensive, and just kind of moody it doesn't help. This is not in direct response to the question in the video, just a general thought about this very typical situation. And just on a side note it does get easier as the kids get older and as we declutter more for sure!

@eviewesner6231 4 года назад

I hope you enjoy your new fridge!! Thx for this conversation! I loved Susann's question. Thank you for your reply to her and including the rest of us!! You guys are of such encouragement to us!

@KruezFam 4 года назад

Me to my husband: You can only see what I DIDN'T do today, not anything that I DID do today. He couldn't see how many meals and snacks I prepared all day - he only saw the dishes. He couldn't see how many clothes I washed/folded/put away because he could only see what laundry was still there. He couldn't see how many time I walked through the process of apology and forgiveness with our two kids, because there is no physical evidence of it. He couldn't see how many times I stopped to wipe bottoms, refill sippy cups, read books, wipe away tears, prayed for a lost lovie to be found and on and on, but because he saw unfinished activities, he assumed I accomplished nothing all day. After the 3rd time of me explaining that he can't yet see the evidence of what was done all day, he finally understood. He started helping with dishes without being asked and strated assuming that if the house WAS a wreck, it was a reflection of just how far I got in accomplishing ANYTHING I had set out to do that day, and he considered how discouraging that could be for me. Once that pressure was lifted off me, it was much less stressful to keep up because I didn't have the weight on me that he would be disappointed yet again, I knew he would instead be understanding. Perspective changes everything - for him and me. ❤

@hazelmeldrum5860 4 года назад

I watched one clutter organiser where the husband complained about the untidy house they were working on it. However, they discovered that if all the chairs were returned under the table before he came home his perception was it was tidier. home

@sweetpea3472 4 года назад

I remember that one! What is the "one thing" psychology? It was really interesting & useful. For me good smells (say super sensitive nose) actually make a huge difference (not perfume, just clean, wholesome).

@tiffanyhopkins8887 4 года назад

Thank you so much for this! I’ve been working on decluttering and simplifying my house for a week now and it’s been so discouraging. I know that it’s a process and this has given me the motivation to keep going! My husband is the tidy one also, but like you, I get so tired of cleaning the same mess over and over.

@chronicallydaydreaming1381 4 года назад

You guys are great ❤️ I've been decluttering and tidying for 2 years now and everything you say has been true for us! Such a blessing!

@brandibrooks9076 4 года назад

Thank you so much! My husband and I have been struggling with minimizing and keeping the house tidy. My clutter threshold is really low but I am also a clutter bug and I see to attract it. Your videos are the only thing that helps me focus and bring down my anxiety. I am so grateful.

@cindywiemers9149 4 года назад

Thanks Dawn, I always love spending time with you! You’re so encouraging. Love ya, Cindy 🌻💗

@tshockmom69 4 года назад

Loved your cute embroidered shirt. Thanks for sharing that it is a long process, years. It gives us all hope. Also, I love how you and your sister close in prayer. Sometimes I get busy and when I sit down to watch, that may be the first time I have stopped to pray. Thank you!

@gaylemcteigue1761 4 года назад

You two are a joy to watch! Especially like Dawn’s little giggles throughout! Tom seems to be a patient guy. God bless you for the sample you are to all the You Tube fans.

@jodi9295 4 года назад

I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me daily! I have started watching your decluttering videos daily and you are so helpful to me. I am tackling my paper clutter right now and have just watched several of your paper organization videos. Thankyou!!!!

@knotbender 4 года назад

Managing inventory has been my favorite statement you've made in all the videos I've watched on your channel. It makes so much sense to me that my stuff has to be managed and less makes my life easier. I am a major stuff person, collect and keep and store...don't touch my stuff! It's been slow but I am making progress in releasing things without regret, hopefully more to follow as I have a long way to go, but looking at my things differently makes the process easier. Thank you!!

@rebeccamooney4187 4 года назад

Oh my goodness, THANK YOU!! This video was so relatable and put so much into words! I nodded my head in agreement all thru the video 😊 My journey has been slow but we have made so much progress and now that my husband is on board it is going even better. I did just want to say that I feel like as a mom (only of 2 but with very generous family & friends in the gift department) that I feel responsible for my stuff, the children's stuff and the "household" stuff, with my husband having less categories as "his" to cull. I feel like that adds stress to moms and we shouldn't feel that way even though we do take charge in managing more categories, I feel like we take on a larger burden of guilt than we should. So we should let go of that guilt for so many categories and just do our best one area or one 15 minute tidy or declutter at a time . I hope others can relate to this sentiment. And thank you again, this video shares so many immensely important messages ❤

@hotmessheather99 4 года назад

Dawn, I so look forward to your videos. You and your family are absolutely wonderful humans. ♡ I have binged so many of your videos since I discovered them a few weeks ago, and I can never get enough! You have inspired me to begin my journey of "less stuff" because...baby steps!! Lol. Because of you, I have organized my fridge, cleaned out every single kitchen cabinet, gone through endless bathroom goods, gotten rid of junky toys, gotten rid of bags of kid clothes, cleaned out my own closet, scrubbed my sinks, done the dishes like it's my job, and so much more! Taking loads of things to donate has been so liberating and freeing. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 and these past few months have been madness. For the first time in never, I feel so much more confident about trying to keep up with the housework. I am excited to begin meal planning too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience and stories, minimal mama.♡ You will never know how much I needed this! I look forward to all your videos and projects of the future.

@cherrymaniego209 4 года назад

Love the smile on Toms face watching you talk. You two are so sweet and cute together. Thank you these are very helpful

@maryschweitzer2063 3 года назад

Thank you so much Dawn! I have been trying to minimize my home for about a year and a half. I have given away so much already and I think I am finally starting to get down to the last stages. Hearing that it took a year for you to get there makes me feel better. I wish I had found you sooner. I watch at least one video a day (or 4-5) to keep me going! Thank you so much for sharing your world!

@traceycallahan4955 4 года назад

Thank you Dawn and Tom for sharing. I've learned so many ways to handle passing along the items I no longer need or use.

@tawnytuppence5573 4 года назад

I’m watching this after distance learning with the kids all day and chasing a toddler while in my third trimester. I am so burned out. Luckily, I started minimizing five years ago for the same reason-too much stuff to manage-so at least I don’t have a million objects to pick up with my big, pregnant body whenever my children finally go to bed tonight. Because there are fewer things, they can manage their own stuff (with reminders) and still have time to do chores and play with the toddler. It’s such a blessing. I can start the dishwasher tonight and put my swollen ankles to bed before doing this all again tomorrow.

@teliciamckee9477 4 года назад

Bless your heart! 😇

@imamonstr 4 года назад

So thankful for you Dawn. Continue to tell my friends all about you!! What a huge difference minimalism has made in my family's life!!

@findingaway5512 4 года назад

When you had talked about your life before minimalsm in the past It always resonated with it. This is still spot on. My husband is a lot like Tom and he comes home and gets to walk in to a mess with kids and screaming. Not peaceful. Hopefully I can get there.

@jeffriestreeremovaljeffrie3374 4 года назад

I just started rewatching some of your older videos. I have been layer by layer decluttering since I discovered your channel last fall. I have a monthly rotation where each area of the horse gets some attention. And I feel like I’m at a point where the easy stuff is gone, I can taste the sweetness of minimalism, but I still need to break through the hardest layer or two to really get where I know I need to be. It’s so hard with little ones in the home, but all the more reason to push through. I want to focus more on savoring these years instead of always feeling like I am drowning. Thank you for all your wonderful videos, your wise insight, and your fun personality! You are such a blessing to many! -Jo

@madamkiwi1094 4 года назад

I'm in the same place as you , I've done the easy layer but as a empty nester I find it hard to the next layer , taking a break but getting ready to start the rooms and spaces all over again. They say like an onion layer by layer

@rhondajaneblake5311 4 года назад

I kept nodding my head throughout this whole video!!!! Awesome content. I'll be sharing :)

@leelynch8927 4 года назад

You two are the best! Thank you for sharing. It matters tons! God bless!

@AshleyRJones8 2 года назад

I so relate to that question and your story! I am a few weeks into this process and my husband has been so encouraged by the progress. It really has been a relief to purge the excess! I still have a ways to go and some big tasks ahead, but I know this will all be for the best. Thanks for what you two do!

@lbtk 4 года назад

Silent viewer here: can we love you guys any more??!! This was brilliant. Thanks for answering literally the most tricky question and for offering such sage advice. You guys are so inspiring in all aspects!! Love you guys!! 🖤🖤🖤

@nancyschaecher2548 4 года назад

You two are just the best. Love this vid.

@amandamertz3037 4 года назад

Wonderful advice & so encouraging! I sure wish you'd been around YT several years ago when I was going through that tough season too. Glad to be on board now & reaping the many benefits of a simpler home.

@CindyClough 4 года назад

I love your honesty & appreciate showing both sides of the narrative. It's great that each of you took responsibility for your part & then admitted that you could understand each other's position. Thank you for sharing this video of a healthy marriage - dealing with issues! So helpful!

@macaley1084 4 года назад

Really beautiful example to chat and answer this question in a healthy honest way. The reflection and putting pride aside in situations where we feel resentment is so hard. This was a very well done video. So many young married couples have this question as they begin to navigate life with jobs and kids and the chaos that can come with it all. Thanks!

@joannevenz5045 4 года назад

This would have to be one of my favourite videos of all time. I will be sharing this as much as possible. I am a minimalist and I know this will encourage so many.

@chelseagarchar4338 4 года назад

I listened to this earlier and then listened to this again when my husband and I we’re getting ready for dinner. He just kept saying yep yep yep. We are still in that area where we still need to simplify a ton of our stuff. We both are motivated to simplify, and this helped him see my side of things and I was able to see his side. Thank you so much!!!

@lynseymoffett9656 4 года назад

Hi Dawn and Tom, I've bn binging quite a bit on ur channel lately (in the background as I go about my day and during decluttering tasks too).... I really enjoy watching your content! You are so relatable and honest, and I've found myself laughing out loud to your videos very often too! I have to agree that if you just plough on decluttering your own (and the kids things) and not nag or touch your hubby's things, he will eventually notice what you are doing, see that it is a really good thing and get on board and do the same. My husband was definitely a hoarder in our early days of being together and now he just takes it upon himself to declutter various areas of his and I be all proud! Lol He has donated and sold so many of his things!! Xx

@martykendall6547 4 года назад

Oh my gosh! I had 4 kids 5 and under (twins in the middle). I can so relate. I would leave the folded laundry out so my husband could see that I did SOMETHING ! (2 loads a day). I'm sure the last thing he felt like doing at the end of the day was stopping by the store for the 2 things I really needed. As far as picking up, a friend described it to her attorney husband perfectly, "Imagine if you dictated briefs all day and someone came in and pressed erase." My youngest is 39 now, we did survive.

@ashandu 4 года назад

I just love how you two work together and acknowledge the differences you have so you can capitalize on each other's strengths. Happy Tuesday!

@stephanie.treanor 3 года назад

I love how the music at the beginning was soothing... It kept the stress down for a potential stressful conversation. You guys handled it beautifully!

@marshabrubaker185 4 года назад

So glad I found your channel. I have decluttered my place quite a bit, but still have stuff, i.e. books & sentimental items. I need to go back & watch some of your earlier videos to get more inspiration.

@luzmariaperez2180 4 года назад

Thank you for this talk. It was so helpful. I really appreciate your honesty and how you guys keep things to real.

@JGFamilyLife 4 года назад

This HIT home for me Dawn! Such great advise!!! Love it!!!

@suestewart546 2 года назад

So funny that I'm just seeing this video now since I've been a follower for 2 years. It's true that just keeping your space tidy and purging and organizing what isunder my control helped to finally get my hubby on board too. It took nearly 2 years but now he's realizing it's all about the inventory. Thanks again Dawn and Tom for helping so many of us lighten our loads.

@meln5499 4 года назад

You're spot on! I am 1 year into this journey after being buried by our stuff in addition of the ever building toddlers. When things are messy things are more stressful and it sometimes feels like your trapped in groundhog day cleaning up the same things over and over again. Keep the tips coming, as they keep me motivated to keep purging to the essentials and get my home under control. I want to be able to have a 5-10 min panic clean when people call and say there are on their way over and not a panic of omg, just shove everything behind closed doors and be embarrassed. If you can get there, we all can!

@YaritzaUlloa 4 года назад

Excellent video! I just felt like that about one year ago when I bumped into your channel! You guys really help me feel motivated to declutter and make small changes in our house to make it feel more peaceful. PS. Your new fridge looks really nice!

@AMcDub0708 2 года назад

This is so great. Dawn, you are so so so appreciated!!!

@lhumpy190 4 года назад

Tom your smiling truly cracks me up. You are so holding back in the early stages of the video 😀 Thanks for talking about the hard stuff.

@sonyacurti 4 года назад

I ❤ your shirt! Totally off topic lol... and I just think you two are an adorable couple. Your content is always helpful and I can always relate to your stories and experiences. Thank you 😊

@reneemertens5316 3 года назад

Dawn I love how Tom looks at you with sincere love and cherishes you! love it.

@mmmmlllljohn 4 года назад

Tom’s expressions were priceless ... love the way you two work out your issues. ❤️🇨🇦

@TheDriftwoodlover 3 года назад

Great topic. Had things in mind to decluttering so boxed up three boxes while listening. Got rid of six or seven other boxes in the past week. I am determined to finally finish. Been at it three years and I’m so ready to be done! Thanks for this topic!

@Baileybooandecho 4 года назад

Very good advice. I totally agree with what you both said. I will start small, with a common area, like the kitchen.

@barbarawinters646 4 года назад

I love how you each respect one another and the way Tom looks at you while you speak. You make a great couple! God bless you both.

@lesliecarson684 4 года назад

Love how open you are about your minimalism journey. It’s been over a year since I started and I know there are still more items to let go. My husband is a plumber and even though he works for a small company he has a lot of stuff here. Boxes in garage and basement!! I have literally gotten rid of bins and bins of items. I have empty bins that he could consolidate his items and fill. But he is totally in that ... but I might need it... vibe. I say... it’s been 15-20 years of those boxes still being untouched. So we just need to get him on board. Lol. Who knows... it may happen. But those are the items I will not touch. Everything else has or is going out the door over time. Thanks for another Tom and Dawn video. Loved seeing the kiddos when they were small.

@Roni_1518 3 года назад

Your videos are so relatable and helpful. I remember watching videos on minimalism and I was intrigued but I also thought, what a strange lifestyle, surely this is unachievable for most people? You showed me otherwise. Two years ago my husband and I moved into our first house and shortly after we started decluttering. We now have ONE tote of "homeless" items left and our house is so easy to tidy. It's such a blessing as we've added to our family (a daughter, turning 2 in August) and I know my life would be so chaotic had we not purged our home of all that clutter! Thanks for all your great advice! :)

@christinevinnie2157 4 года назад

What a lovely, respectful partnership you have with each other. We are 5+ years into our minimalist journey and now being clutter-free is the new normal for our family. Just this weekend we realised how far we have come, when we spent the weekend house-sitting an elderly friends family home. JUST SO MUCH STUFF.

@karensawyer3639 4 года назад

Again, u "hit the nail on the head," with this subject! Great advice for learning how to deal with daily stess in a relationship & family. U provided awesome real life experience in such a kind & loving way. I think God has blessed ur RU-vid channel bc of ur honesty, truthfulness, enthusiasm & genuine care for those watching ur videos. Also I've noticed u both share on comments from viewers! 👍👏I look forward to each & every video u make & love sharing them with my friends who r struggling with the same issues.( & yup, husbands can & do appreciate tidy homes & in my personal experience, they finally "get it," when you've simplified the house..& most of the time don't realize that the NON-essentials r gone!! They just one day SEE ur maintaining the household & its become a relaxing, peaceful environment!😍✝️

@catherineschaos4938 4 года назад

When the kids were young, my husband would wonder about the mess of the house. I would tell him, “Do you know how much work it is to maintain this level of mess?? If I did nothing, our house would look like a hoarder lived here!” 😂🤣

@joytucker3476 4 года назад

Your dynamic as a couple is so extremely sweet and precious. Complimenting each other, understanding each other, and thinking of how you can work on yourselves instead of thinking the other person is wrong is such a healthy way of thinking. You guys are couple goals!

@angelicas.6391 4 года назад

This is so true! I went through the same process. I only have two children so I can’t imagine with four🙂You’re channel has been a blessing especially with minimizing the children’s things. Thanks again!

@shannonengelken4629 4 года назад

The 5 minute pickup, container rule and starting with visible clutter first have kept my house tidy. Thanks Dawn! 👏👏👏 My hubby is following suit.

@ginamcgrew9955 4 года назад

Tom and Dawn, this one is epic! I think it will be super helpful for a lots of couples. Thank you for doing this!

@BVoshol 4 года назад

The biggest fallacy I've seen (and personally experienced!) is that "if you cared enough, you'd do it". I think that's where a lot of conflict can make its way into relationships. That's not true. The reality is simply that the systems in place just aren't working for you! So it's incredibly important to sit down with your significant other, whether you're the one who is struggling to keep up with the housework or the one who doesn't understand why the housework isn't done and COMMUNICATE. But it's also really important to remember at that phase that it's not that they don't love you, it's not that they don't care, it's just that the current situation isn't working and you need to work together to find a better way. If you can flip the situation so it's you and your partner against the stress, against the mess, against the clutter, it's going to be far more effective than you against your partner. Then, you can work together to figure out how to go forward. Maybe one partner isn't keen on the minimalism thing, but you want to try. Ok, see if you can find a compromise like putting all those things you want to declutter into boxes downstairs and see if it works. Or maybe you try something like a chore wheel - where you list all the chores that need to be done so that you and your partner work off the chore wheel. Or maybe you work on divvying up tasks differently, see what works and what doesn't! The key is, you're experimenting to see what works for you and your relationship - not for anyone else's. Above all, it's your partner and you fighting to vanquish the mess! Not you vs. your partner. Otherwise, you're on a highway to resentment-town which is never a good place to be.

@truthinlovemama 4 года назад

Very wise words! So hard to do in real life 😫

@nancycerreta2803 4 года назад

Resentment Town. A high tax area, not conducive for love, honor and respect. It should be as ghost town. This analogy has inspired me and got me thinking a bit different.

@cindland 4 года назад

Whole heartedly agree, now could you just tell my hubby that? Haha. Whenever I say we have to do something about the house, he retorts, well you do....XYZ, or look at the dust, you don’t do anything about that, or you make a mess when you cook. Heavy sigh. He never had to help around the house growing up. (He still calls his weed whacking and mowing the lawn “landscaping”!) So in his mind he was doing a bigger job than he was. His Mom and sisters did the lions’ share of cleaning and organizing. So he never learned how. But instead of being open to it as an adult, he “fights” against it, or criticizes me to crate conflict that detracts from the problem of organization. So I have thrown up my hands and cried uncle. My husband has many talents...organizing is not one of them. But we will work on it!

@carolecampbell8813 3 года назад

Her partner bought plastic totes and put in garage and when they moved he found they were empty. Sorry but to me that shows he was not a help and if hidden video you would likely find a man who thinks ok I go to work and when I get home it's my time to relax. He would deny it but listen to them talk. He comes home and gets the look. No he doesn't have to say anything, even babies can express themselves with their look and voice! When she tried to change things at home-HE DIDN'T NOTICE!! So he buys totes, later finds empty, why didn't he ask if there's anything she wants him to put in and put some of his things in also. He doesn't notice when she tries to "up her game". I'm not impressed with him at all. You want a modern wife who works? Be a modern dad who comes home and it's his night to cook or do some laundry. Time of home and relax is over especially once you have children.

@carolecampbell8813 3 года назад

I hope if you had children you realized this is how he was allowed to grow up and you taught your children to keep things picked up and everyone responsible for their things. Like everyone has a clothes basket/bag for dirty clothes and one for clean clothes and they take their basket and put clean away and return that basket to laundry area. Too little for basket, buy small container at dollar type store and let them start with simple things like socks and underwear that won't wrinkle. Then help them open drawer and put sweats and pj' s away. You would be surprised if done young these aren't bad, horrible, negative things they need to do. Dad can take care of his laundry also. Make home a family retreat not a battleground.

@kristinmaestas3777 4 года назад

I got on the minimalist journey almost one year ago. And the first two areas that I tackled were Kids toys/games and kitchen. It's was such a difference that my husband actually noticed. Thank you to the moon and back for all your videos, you truly inspired me to change for the better!

@brookewhite1984 4 года назад

Appreciate you both and that you are so relatable!! This sounds like my husband and I when our 3 oldest kids were 2,3,4 years old 10 years ago!! Jesus sure helps in keeping our marriage going, but I am on your minimalism bandwagon now since moving last November and love the peace it's given our family! But my husband is the more tidy one and I grew up in a household where we only cleaned if people were coming over and we were notorious for shoving things in closets and unused areas! I'm glad I didn't keep the same standards as an adult! But really, my husband would get so mad at the papers I would have everywhere and just throw it all away. It gave me so much animosity toward him and so much anxiety about never seeing my kids schoolwork ever again. I definitely had my faults and still do but my advice is to never throw anyone's stuff away, and if anything, put it in a tote and quarantine it, I so love that idea. Again this video was great and almost feel like I should be paying you for your therapy sessions, Dawn! 😁 If you aren't counselors or something at your church already I know you guys would be awesome at that. God bless

@tasnimbhorat1479 4 года назад

Totally agree, about not throwing out someone else’s stuff away!! I always take a photo and forward it to hubby or whoever in the house I think it might belong to, just to confirm if they need it or if it can be thrown out! Be it receipts or anything I’m unsure of! I think it all boils down to respect!! We have to respect the fact that it may mean nothing to you but everything to the next person!!

@maryrehdt8958 4 года назад

BEST VIDEO IN A LONG TIME. PERFECTLY DONE. THANK YOU IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

@lhumpy190 4 года назад

You guys are great. Truly you are very relateable and everything you say makes sense. It's such a big picture thing...our society which encourages purchasing, our stress levels and our relationships....

@NYMusic89563 4 года назад

I own a single wide trailer. We have one closet and so I’m sure you can imagine the way things look after a while. Just this week I started putting things out to the curb. It’s a start ! This house is driving me insane and I’ve been a subscriber for almost a year ! You are such an inspiration !

@karenharris616 4 года назад

Such helpful advice from your own experience. Love you two!😍

@rebekahc304 3 года назад

Such timely content; I’ve certainly accumulated a lot of stuff throughout my adulthood, but post-Christmas, I’m pleased that your videos have really helped me stay on task in making progress decluttering. A major source of frustration is my spouse inherited most of his parent’s worldly possessions after their death a few years ago. I desire to be compassionate but it feels like such a burden, esp since much of it smells like cigarette smoke. Thank you for this video’s advice of I need to just stay focused on my own stuff and remain patient that eventually the time May come when my MR can bare to take a hard look at what remains packed in boxes, and choose to part of some of it.

@myrtlebeachsara 4 года назад

I like this video, OMG Tom it took you 4 years, wow, that's crazy because you both seem so into minimalism now! Shows it takes time to adjust! I'm about a year, a little less, into our journey! Husband definitely took a while, but I just assign reminders on our shared calendar and it seems to help him do his part! Love the content as always. I still need to work on the kids toys, that is the hardest for me! Lol

@Gldnkitty 4 года назад

👍 So helpful! I wish I knew this when my kids were small!💕 And I’m glad that I saw it now!

@tonyabarnette7812 4 года назад

Thank you for this video because my husband is NOT on board with decluttering. He doesn’t mind that I’ve decluttered my things or the kitchen, dining room, my drawers and cabinets etc. but our bedroom is full of his things that he will not go through. His closet has probably 4 different sizes of clothes that he’s hoping to get back into. Don’t EVEN get me started in the basement! I went down and took several bags of “trash” out, but he will just not get rid of things and I’m afraid he’ll want the stuff in the basement and be upset if I throw his things away. So maybe you’re right, if I just continue maybe he’ll begin to come around. Clutter makes me very anxious, I have loved your ideas about not feeling guilty about giving things away. So thank you much for your help!

@conniesoares157 4 года назад

This was great! My husband has not said anything about me decluttering the house. We have been married 41 years and at one time I had to do a full cleaning one night a week, now I just tidy when it needs it and he thinks it looks fine and he has learned to tidy up his stuff since he sees how clean it looks . This is all due thanks to watching you and helping getting rid of items cluttering my space!

@ashleycalvillo1323 4 года назад

Love this video. Well...I love all of your videos. 😂 This resonates with us so well! We are still simplifying our home. It’s been a process. Thank you for teaching and encouraging me through hour videos. ❤️