As someone who struggles completely to eat vegetables (due to weird textures and tastes), if someone managed to sneak them into my food, made them completely unnoticeable, and then revealed to me later that there were veggies in it I would kiss them directly on the mouth and tell them to please keep doing that
I mainly forget to eat mine (though i can not STAND tomatoes they have a weird texture, baby tomatos are stomachable though) so if someone cooked for me, and revealed they did this i'd probably be asking them for tips if they were a chef, and give them a hug and keep telling them to do it if they weren't
I once remember watching some crime show where a father was mourning his murdered daughter. He said "If a child looses their parents, you call that child an orphan. If someone looses their spouse, you call that person a widow. But there is no word for parents who have lost their children. It's so unthinkably tragic, that no one could even think of a word to define it". That child made OP feel that for thirty minutes.
I understand this and I'm not trying to defend the daughter but I feel op is kinda dumb because she was so sad that she lost her daughter and when she found out she is alive she should obviously be mad but like you thought you lost her and your reaction to her being alive is go push her away and also lose her like if the daughter is going to do something that cruel wouldn't she also be able to just cut contact and lose her daughter forever still the daughters a idoit and deserves it just food for thought
@@youtubeaddict8926 Grief of that extreme level has to turn into something, my friend. And anger is a common thing for grief to turn into. In this case, appropriate and righteous anger.
Some people say that there's no fate more cruel than to outlive your own child, and that daughter decided to make her OWN mother feel that feeling. Disgusting.
I genuinely can’t imagine even wanting to make my parents think I was dead for a second, or finding ANY humor in it. I know that it would absolutely DESTROY them to believe I’d passed, and what’s funny about quite literally torturing your own parents?
One time I “pranked” my mom by laying on the floor and pretending I passed out, she was terrified and I only did it for like 5 seconds. I was 7, and never did anything like that again. Op’s daughter is a monster
I did something similar to that once when I was a kid. Though it was obvious I was faking it because I was a terrible actor so my mom just nudged my side with her foot and kept doing it until I burst out laughing because my sides were ticklish. But seeing it from the perspective of someone who thinks it’s real I can understand how it’s not funny. The only reason my thing was funny was because it was very obvious I was faking and in no real danger.
That’s what I call a heart-jump prank lol Yeah what this April Fools story ADULT did was traumatic and I hope she sincerely apologizes for the heartbreak she caused her mother. 30 minutes to someone in anguish and pain over the loss of their baby feels like an eternity.
@@panickinglesbian1111 ok but that prank deserves a smack in the face and a stern talking to. Then move on. Not hold a childish grudge over multiple days, to the point where you kick your own daughter out of a family gathering after she just got back from the hospital.
@@codyjohnson6427 is it really a childish grudge? OP's daughter is an adult - she knows that what she did could have had terrible consequences. What if OP unalived themselves in grief? Sure there's a 30 minute interval before the reveal but that's still enough time to do the deed.
Fully on Op's side in the last story. Different team and waited till the last second to ask for help on something she couldn't do. She's not mean to refuse to help someone on her own free time.
As some one whose private life and time was constantly abused at my last position. I'm 100% on OPs side. I'll even give the co-worker a buthole score for being entitled. My current job, with the government, everyone knows to work on the clock and don't expect people to work off the clock.
Who the hell thinks "Wow, this person is worried sick about a loved one in the hospital. You know what would be a funny prank? Calling them up and telling them their loved one DIED!" That's not a prank, that's an emotional torture method...
That actually reminded me of "Story of an hour", where a woman thinks her abusive husband died, and now she's finally free. It's basically the exact opposite to this story, because she was happy that he "died", but had a heart attack when he walked through the door ^^ It has a bit of a different context to today though, because when it was written, there was no "no-fault divorce".
Last story: I was raised to help out whenever I'm asked (because I'm selfish if I don't help) and never ask for help myself (because I don't need help, I'm just lazy). I actually envy op for her ability to stick to her boundary without fear of consequences. Even with my therapist telling me to take a break and not doing overtime, I feel selfish when I don't have as much overtime as I'm used to.
Look I'm nobody stranger on the internet. But it's a former people. Pleaser let me tell you how I've come to think about it. Selfishness only comes into play when you're actively taking from others. You taking care of yourself . That's taking a break. Going to the spa having some time for yourself. Whatever that means to you. Is not selfish. In fact, quite the opposite. Let me give you an analogy. Let's say you have a delicious pie. And there's eight people in the room. You cutting eight pieces as even as you can to make sure you get one is not selfish. What would be selfish is if you actively took pi from other people so you can get a bigger piece of pie. That would be selfish. You make sure you get your own piece That is not selfish. So just think of the hours and the day like that pie. You taking time and space for yourself is not selfish. You are not actively taking other people's time away from them. But by people running you to the bone. They're being selfish because they're actively taking from you more than you can afford to give. Always remember the people who don't want you to have boundaries are the people who benefit from you. Not having said boundaries. You're worth it. You're important and you're allowed to ask for help. You deserve. You should demand time for yourself to do What you want. It's just my two cents.
Last story: I’m also inclined to support OP, it sounds like she has a great work/life balance and her coworker could learn a thing or two. It’s also VERY telling that OP’s coworker didn’t ask for coverage until the end of the day when she needed it, if that’s the pattern in OP’s workplace, I’d hold onto my free time with an iron fist, too! Give an inch, and people like that will always take a mile.
Exactly! It seems they ask very often, if OP just "did them a favor" every time they ask she'd be wasting hours upon hours every month doing work that's not hers.
I'm on OPs side too. One because they were socializing instead of working. Two because she waited until 5pm. Three because it was more important to her to yell at OP than hurry up to get to the recital. And last, you gotta learn time management.
Technically, OP in that story is of course correct and not the bad guy. However, she doesn't sound like a nice person (or team player), either. So, yeah, 0 out of 0 points for her, but she shouldn't expect any help from anyone in her team/company should _she_ be the one in need of support.
Story 3 had me scratching my head wondering why this woman is still married to a man who obviously has two functioning hands that can cook and microwave his own food when his wife is busy with other things. He then proceeds to throw a tantrum when his wife doesn't microwave his food when he agreed that she wasn't going to make anything for him let alone microwave his food. Did he want a partner or a maid because from the looks of it he wanted a sex doll that was animate enough to do chores, cook, and be available for sex on his own time and terms. Girl, he needs to see the back of your head and the dust from your feet with how ridiculous he is being especially adding the "birthday month" as a cherry on top. Boy bye 🙄🤨
That abusive marriage and “birthday month” makes me incredibly sad, he’s controlling, manipulative, treats her like a maid, doesn’t give her a moments piece, screams at her. You’re right rSlash, she’s drowning in the abuse so much that she can’t see the water.
This story was way too relatable for me. Going to couples therapy tomorrow. He's been going solo for a time, but it's time we went together. Now I'm thinking I just need to go solo, to try and figure out why I've put up with this shit for so long.
My sisters husband is very like this but doesn’t have a birthday month but he makes up for that with being financially abusive, he is retired now but sis still works and does all the chores inside and outside and as soon as she comes home she now is expected to cook dinner as he’s HunGrY. Every time she has stood up to him he manipulates her into getting something new for him, like a car or a new tv. He’s had many new cars and manipulates her into agreeing with him even when she knows it’s not being sensible. Honestly OP NTA. Run Far and fast. Don’t put up with all the crap for peace sake or you will feel stuck. Make a life for YOU.
Story 3: Man, if I had a dollar for every rSlash story where someone thought a 'Birthday Month' was a completely normal and reasonable thing, I'd have two dollars - Which isn't a lot but it sure is weird that it happened twice.
WTF is a birthday month. I was an auditing manager and we had to have the month closed out on the 1st. As it happens my birthday is April 1st* and I never, not even once, got my birthday off of work because I had to come in on weekends and New Year's Day for month end. I didn't even get a birthday off, let alone a "birthday month". *Yes, I've heard every April Fool's joke, including the one that you think you've just made up, and they stopped being funny when I was six. That's one reason that the daughter's April Fool's prank made me angry,
I actually have a few acquaintances that celebrate their "birthday month". For a long time I was lucky to celebrate my birthday. It's at the beginning of January.
@@crimsonflareumbreon1290 TV was the start of the birthday week(s), so logical people would start to do birthday months. At least some people say that half joking like I knew of someone to say it's their birthday month, but all they did was go out everyday/night up til their birthday.
Or go alone... I made a romantic weekend anniversary plan for my (ex) husband. Told him to keep the weekend open...reminded him. He volunteered to ride along with the local Sheriff's office for that weekend.... I asked him to cancel. He refused and I canceled the weekend. In hindsight, I should have gone without him. Now, I would.
I'm genuinely jealous of op in the last story. Honestly, I wish I had that amount of self-respect and ability to set boundaries. Like yeah, it would have been nice of them to help out, but the co-workers and friends treating them like they were obligated to do so are clearly victims of the toxic work culture most of us are caught up in. Self-care and alone time is important, and if a coworker needs help they should have asked for it earlier or planned better, like I agree that it's perfectly alright to ask for help but it's not alright to demand it.
My question is would those people saying OP is an AH still think that if the coworker wasn't going to her child's recital? Say if She were going to a hair or nail appointment or to the movies or out to dinner? It feels to me they are only saying that because it is a mom with something with her kid planned and are giving the mom higher priority then OP that has equally earned their off time
@@jennix8666 I actually had the same line of thoughts. It's not unheard of that parents are given more time off or more flexibility especially around the holidays than those who are childfree in many places of employment. This is totally unfair and it doesn't matter if someone has children or not. They still deserve to have time off. They also have families, even if they don't have children of their own.
exactly, also, OP has no obligation to even offer an "I have plans" explanation, and doing so was being generous. just saying "no" should be all that is required
The first story hit me in a very specific way. My brother at the age of 27 passed in the hospital last year. I have never seen my father cry more in my life. The fact someone thinks that's funny makes me want to knock teeth in. I went little to no contact with my older sister because she said she wished it was our father instead of him, to which I told her that he more than likely feels the same way and she can go kick rocks. Edit: As for the last story. There is a reason it's call ASKING for a favor. If you're going to try and strong arm someone into doing something you aren't asking, you're telling.
My sister passed away 6ish years ago, and it’s something that my family has had to deal with ever since. So yeah…that’s not a “prank.” That’s horrific, cruel, and a terrible thing to do to the OP. I don’t blame her in the slightest.
I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my mother this year, her parents are both still around and I can't imagine how much they're hurting, even with how much my brothers and I are hurting. She was 51 years old.
Yeah I went through something similar with my sister. I was 16 at the time and in severe denial about her condition and the fact she was going to die, so when they day came that she passed… yeah I can’t even describe the pain I went through in that moment. She was only 15 years old when she died. It was also the first time I remember seeing my dad cry and it kind of wrecked my world a bit because he’s generally a pretty chill and collected person. And my mom was so devastated, hurt and grieving that she needed to be on sick leave and attend therapy (my dad did too, but not as long as my mom). That fact that anyone would try and make joke out of that pain, grief and anguish and then just try and act like it didn’t happen is disgusting and I don’t think I would be able to look at that person the same way ever again. Especially if they were family.
My mom raised her youngest siblings (14/15 year age gap) when her parents died. Last year her youngest brother died and that was the first time I’ve seen her cry . She was his second mom and he was still young. It devastated her. If someone makes a prank out of death, they deserve all the negative karma that comes to them.
Last story, I think more people should be like that. You are paid for certain hours, it shouldn't be expected that you work outside of them, especially for someone not even on your team. She should have asked her own team.
I hate the corporate "we're a team" "we're a family" type propoganda BS. No, we're a group of professional individuals. I'm not going to sacrifice my time because you failed to manage yours. That's how you become the workplace floormat.
It isn't said that she didn't ask possibly every single other person in the office for help first. Possibly she even had help but just needed a little bit more help. It is certainly a lawful way to conduct your life at work. It was all certainly within her contractual boundaries. I just feel that people who choose to live their work life in that way, which is perfectly legitimate, understand that they should never expect to receive help if they are ever in need.
Last Story: NTA, her coworker knew all friggin day that she had to go to her daughter’s recital that evening. If she did not prioritize getting her work done by 5 that’s HER FAULT. OP does not dilly dally or socialize which is why she’s always able to leave on time. 🤷♀️
I really really hope she did go by herself, but hearing the was she is so unhealthy 'devoted' to babying this unless child. You can just tell she lost her money and time.
That last story: NO ONE gets to judge me on what I do on my time OFF WORK. It doesn’t matter if she “could” or “should” do the job. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO! Her co-workers lack of planning to get herself to her daughter’s recital ain’t got shit to do with OP.
Exactly! OP mentioned how everyone else is constantly socializing and putting their work off, so it was 100% her lack of planning (and work ethic) that made her need to stay late. Not to mention that I doubt they just suddenly told her about the recital. She knew for at least *days* prior, and didn't even plan for it or work extra hard to make sure it was done. Just went "oops, my dilly dallying made it so I won't get done before the end of the day, gotta get someone to help me get done now!" and threw a fuss because the single person she asked didn't help. Plus I doubt she would have paid back the favor, and I feel like she would have likely caused a fuss about OP asking for one in return, should the time ever come.
@@RekiTheRyvian That entirely depends on the work place: there are some jobs where you can get literally everything done one day, and then over ight you have 8 days worth of work piled onto your desk when you walk in ALL due that day, because of no reason than it being labeled as important the night prior. OP never mentioned what her work was, or what they did in her work place. How hectic is the work cycle? How demanding is it? She has ONE particular job that she does and that is it. Meanwhile everyone else is probably working as a team, covering for each other in multiple plans, and the ONE time out of the day they have room to socialize with anyone before heading home to do responsabilities is at lunch. OP may be privilidged to have a specific job. She may be privilidged to have no outside of work responsabilities like family or anything else. She may be privilidged to be able to take her WHOLE NIGHT off work from 5pm to 9am and get to do literally nothing but relax with her phones turned off and not having to be called in 30 minutes later to work till 4am to cover emergency documents. And she made it clear to her workplace to never contact her unless absolutely necessary. A.K.A. "Did you call anyone/everyone else capable of handling this before me? No? Violation! I will sue you to hell and back!" *click* But NONE of that is reason enough to just REFUSE to be any form of team member to ANYONE in the building. It makes you the Asshole by default. End of story.
Holy shit yes why the fuck is reddit on her case if you where off work and had plans or no plans and you just wanna go home just go home also your not an asshole if you decline to give some one a favor also op coworker went out of her way to confront her i thought you were late hmmmmm
@@nightdrivenen7909 Did you not hear that she was not even on her team. Why didn't others members of her team help her out? Poor planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on OP's part.
Last story : the principle of a favor is that you do it willingly. Op was under no obligation to change her schedule to please someone. plain and simple. A lack of planning on her coworker's part does not constitute an emergency on Op's
My thoughts exactly. Yeah, it sucks that on a human level OP is lacking, but on a professional level OP is killing it. Getting her job done and leaving well enough alone, yet coworkers chitchat all day? Yeah. 0.25/5 for me.
@@ryudragonuv OP might just be a bit introverted or not great with people, so just keeping to themselves. Not her problem if everyone else isn’t as efficient with their work
April fools deserves 5/5! This poor mom will have nightmares for the rest of her life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she forgave her daughter but never rekindled the relationship they once had.
My army brother once pranked our mom like this. Difference was, he hadn't been in hospital, and the prank was so obviously fake (she got an "official" letter saying he died from a paper cut doing office chores) that there's no way she could have been worried. And she's a bit of a worry wart too. That's a death prank. The one in the story? Just cruel.
A prank where someone close to you dies is never funny. If I had been in OP shoes, at that moment I would probably had rush to the hospital like a crazy man and had a car accident for being in denial of my daughter/family death.
Ive lost multiple friends during my life and recently lost my brother. Ive never seen more pain and suffering from any adult in my life than from the ones who lost their child, especially from a Mom. 5/5
Personally I'm with you on the Picnic story. It's not like a recital comes out of the blue, you had time to prepare, and if you realized you weren't going to be able to finish early enough, then ask. It feels like the mother just left the problem till the last minute, then decided to get someone else to handle her problem. I'm definitely sympathetic to the problems of trying to manage your work while still attending important social events, but at the end of the day, expecting it to be other peoples problems is unreasonable. It sounds like a "my daughter, your problem" type situation.
My husband and I love pranks/jokes on each other, but we have a very firm rule: if only one side is laughing, it isn’t a joke. What that daughter in the first story did wasn’t a joke - it was cruelty, and she clearly hasn’t recognized that yet. I think her mother should write her a note explaining the level of pain and anguish that her actions inflicted. You absolutely weren’t too harsh on that one.
If there's one prank in this world that is never funny and is just cruel and sick, it's one where you trick someone into thinking a family member/pet/loved one is severely injured or dead.
Here is the thing. I do agree with RSlash on the last story. Even though I would help out, I shouldn't expect others to help out. I heard this one meme or Vine where someone asked their friend what they are doing something today. Their friend said, "I am doing nothing." That person was like "Oh good, I need..." expecting their friend to help them out. The friend interrupts and says, "You don't get it. I said I am doing NOTHING!" The point I am trying to make is that just because someone's plans are just relaxing or whatever after a HARD DAY OF WORK, (which those who think OP is wrong or a butthole for that forgets about) that person should do whatever they want. OP's plans of just relaxing and rewinding after a day of work, should be more important to them, than doing more work to help someone who failed time management on their work. Also, I don't know if anyone caught this, but did that mom go out of her way to confront OP, instead of going to the daughter's recital? If her daughter's recital is so important then why did she just leave OP be, and just go to the recital after finding a parking spot? I mean I do understand that woman's feelings and why she would get upset, but geez get your priorities straight. Reflect on yourself and your feelings, learn from your mistakes, move on, and just enjoy yourself.
There's always one in every office who waits until close to clock-out time to to ask the one person who can help. "I would have handed it in on time but XX refused to help." In this story OP had a picnic in a conspicuous place within a block of her co-worker's daughter's recital (so that she would be *seen* doing nothing?). And her co-worker wasn't late for the recital, so was the emergency real? Seemingly not. Apparently this is supposed to be a serious adult work place.
@@bonemar66thing is she didnt know that the recital was in that area. Hell it could have been anywhere. The only thing that op did wrong was not bending over backwards to really toxic working culture that seemingly everyone has embraced. NTA
Story 2: My reaction to her hiding the vegetables was "that sounds more like what a parent needs to do to get veggies into their kid than what two romantic partners should do." Glad to hear I'm not the only one who had that reaction!
This is actually, 1-1 exactly what my mother did to me, and exactly how i reacted....when i was SIX. bonkers that someone can be such a child in their thirties lmao.
@@RealCoolstriker64 can you elaborate on that a little? i can somewhat see your point, but I'm not sure that's necessarily true in this instance as it wasn't an "offensive substance", nor was she causing him bodily harm.
@@bridgeforthesheep I tried looking into it after seeing this comment, and found some info that could (potentially) get at what the other person was saying. I’ll share what I found in a second reply to you (tried paraphrasing and it still turned out long)
Story 1: I will _never ever_ understand how people genuinely think that _faking your death_ sounds like a good idea for a prank. Why would you knowingly and willingly put someone through that?
Can you imagine if the prank in the first story lead to OP panicing, rushing out the door to drive to the hospital to confirm what they said, and being in such a poor state to drive, got into a major accident?
story 1 makes my blood boil. my dad passed away a few years ago, and my grandparents have NEVER been the same, and they NEVER will be. it doesn’t matter what age you are; outliving your own child is a pain unlike any other
When my niece was 13, her and her friend thought it’d be a ‘funny’ April fool’s joke to tell me, her mum, and her younger brother they were both pregnant. My sister and I were both mostly in shock, but definitely upset, but it was actually my nephew who was the most upset, since my sis/their mum had the oldest (13) when she was fresh out of high school, so the kids knew better. My niece apologized profusely when she saw we were all pissed and disappointed, but it took a while for her to gain back her brother’s trust. Key point here though is that she was THIRTEEN when she pulled this godawful ‘prank’; at 21 that woman has -10 excuses for this kind of shit. I hate this line, but grow up, ffs.
i'm so confused why the nephew was super upset. my mom had my sister at 17 before she was out of high school. i didn't get mad when my sister had her kid. so like what???
@@Zenikai_ Because my sister had gone through hell during that. She's not *actually* my sister, but an old friend I think of as an older sister (and no one's gonna tell me otherwise). Her bio mum's unhinged and abusive, and when her eldest was born, she was tossed out. Cue a couple years living, then running from, the kids' abusive father, and her not getting to go into the military like she had planned, or go to college. The kids have unfortunately been aware of the harsher side of teen pregnancy, and had a sort of mutual understanding about focusing on school and a solid future. If it had actually happened, we all would have supported her of course, but we'd also be disappointed and kind of scratching our heads as to how we had gotten there. The previous September, as well, it was announced that there was going to be a girl in their school, a 7th grader, who was pregnant and being forced to keep the baby by a (frankly psycho) mother. This, like faking your own death, isn't something to joke about.
@@stuffedninja1337 thank you for typing this out. i still dont understand why he was upset tho. even if his mom was kicked out and had to run from the father and never got to do what she wanted in life. why would he think the same would happen to his sister?
@@Zenikai_ He didn’t, it was more the idea of “we lived through this, we know better than this, we have our whole lives ahead of us”. We’re all under the poverty line, so the added strain would have been a big deal. (We’re also extremely pro-choice, and would have taken any option that came and figured it out.) My niece is extremely bright, and the following month, I was having a conversation with her and my sister about what college she wanted to attend someday, and one of her favourites was McGill. She definitely has the brains and drive for that, so it was the lack of maturity and judgement that my nephew was upset about, I think. They knew what condoms were at that point, since after hearing about that unfortunate 7th grade girl I mentioned previously, my sister and I had sat them down for “the talk”. They’re thankfully all doing as well as can be expected, and my niece is on birth control. Now my biggest worry is their shitty school district. ;v;
My husband died a month ago, and the police showed up at my door to tell me. That immediate reaction is one of the most painful things you'll ever feel, the shock and grief and horror and dread are so powerful it brings you to your knees. Don't ever use this moment as a prank, you have no idea the feeling that someone goes through, it is nothing to be joked about.
I'm only on the first story and wow... if I did that my family would beat the crap out of me. Not just my mom, but everyone would take turns beating on me. Honestly she deserves 5/5 buttholes because that's a traumatic thing to do to someone.
Agree with the 5/5 buttholes. Watching my mom find out my brother died was one of the worst experiences if my childhood. To find out that was a prank....I would probably murder someone
Story 1: something similar happened to a friend of mine, her daughter went for a trip with her friends for a week and for the whole week the three dumbasses decided It was a good idea to "prank" their parents into making them believe that they have died, eventualy they returned with all the "its just a prank" attitude, mi friend didnt shouted at her daughter, he didnt even raised his voice, that happened a year algo, her birthday was a few weeks ago, since that prank my friend hasnt celebrated one single holiday with her, hasnt given her a penny for anything, doesnt say a word to her and in her birthday there was a photo of her in the living room with some candels and flowers with the text "in loving memory of ....." Her daughter is losing her mind and pretty desperate to fix the Situation, his wife says that he Is going too far but my bud Is standing his ground, i asked him why does he keep doing this afer this long, he just said "for a whole week she made me think that she died, for the whole week i was crying and losing my mind, im diabetic and have heart problems, for me this wasnt a prank, this was a mean spirited crapshow that almost killed me, this Isnt a punishment pal, this Is me giving her what she wanted, and im not stopping, this was It" i do think that this Is a little bit extreme but man you cant blame him
I honestly agree with your friend here, dude. If she made him think she was dead FOR WEEKS ON END, for THAT long, I think his daughter deserves what she gets! And she must reap what she’s sowed.
I think that this is absolutely an escalation and going too far, however it’s just because the daughter herself went way too far. I mean seriously you made your own parents think you died for a week, a week where they were struggling trying to find ur body, plan ur funeral, not have a heart attack. That isn’t a prank, that’s an emotional attack
First story: Rslash didn't even factor in the possibility that the mom could have dropped dead due to a heart attack because of the prank. Toxic daughter, and a toxic family too for wanting to coddle that type of scummy behavior.
I remember watching victorious on Nickelodeon awhile ago and the whole deal with victorias sister is she’s a narcissist who thinks she’s super talented but she’s not at all and she’s hated by everyone. In one such episode she had a birthday WEEK where she expecting to be pampered by everyone for that week and overall being a full blown narcissist and everyone was thinking it’s just such a ridiculous concept in the show by the characters, and it portrayed as such, with everyone acting visibly confused and annoyed at the entitlement of her sister that she believed her birthday was important enough to take up a whole week. The guy in story three is so entitled that he has a fucking birthday MONTH. 4 TIMES as long as the week portrayed in that show. If that doesn’t show entitlement and narcissism than I don’t know what does
I got $200 for my 22nd birthday last year. I was just grateful to even be able to celebrate it quietly with a couple of friends, let alone even having money to spend. Some people are ridiculous. I was honestly not even expecting anything at all.
My father had a birthday week, but instead of expected to be treated like king he partied for 8 days straights breakfast, lunch and dinner, he had this super incredible plan more than one hundred people attended the first day, it was a crazy 50’s birthday
Last story: I’m also on OP’s side. I previously had coworkers who would wait until the 11th hour to beg for help with a deadline. Once, a coworker wanted me to stay late because she needed me to fill out documents for her meeting the next day. I was already taking work home with me, and I had a virtual graduate class I’d miss if I stayed. She couldn’t believe it when I refused to stay. But was she going to help me make up that missed class? I was working full time and doing graduate school online at night. We all have lives and deadlines people.
I'm surprised anybody's on that other worker side. It seems to me like well. I have kids and you don't so I need more help and you need to fill in. Is somebody who's child free by choice? The amount of times people with kids seem to think that they get to have all Christmases off all holidays off all this off and they have to leave early and come in late and they shouldn't have to make up that time because you know they have kids. But you're stuck carrying the burden. No I will not allow that to happen to myself and I don't blame op. You have to set firm boundaries with people like that because if you give them an inch they're going to take the entire way to the Sun.
I don't think you're wrong on that last story. Its free to be kind but you don't OWE anyone your time. Especially someone who will scold you for not helping because your reason to not help wasn't good enough. I help when I want too and that is a good way to make me not want too, ever.
A "favor" means you get to say no. If I asked for a "favor" that you give me $5000 are you going to feel obligated to say yes? Seriously. My time is mine and is valuable to me. I get to say "no"... and so does OP.
Story 1: here’s a good thing they could’ve done, the roommate/friend could’ve said she has a gift for OP and will bring it later on in the day. The gift? OP’s daughter being all well and released from the hospital. It’s literally not that hard to do
I still have nightmares of when my boyfriend's mom died. She had been ill and had chosen to pass at home. We were expecting it. When he realized she passed he was screaming for his mom and begging her to come back. It broke my heart. I had to call the hospice nurse for him because he was just so devastated. Anyone who could intentionally give someone that pain is emotionally bankrupt.
Last story, I agree with NTA. I do think that OP is going to have a tough time at work if she is always refusing to help people out, but I don't think they should expect OP to stay late because of their poor planning. If they need help, they should ask either the next morning, or earlier the day of. I think the people on the sub are jealous they don't have the opportunity for the same work-life balance.
Story 4: NTA. You don't try dumping your work onto another coworker at the last minute while using your kid as an excuse. It's just bad manners, work ethic, entitlement and shows just how uncaring of a parent she is. She could've put work first that day and got it done early like OP. If it was a genuine work emergency that prevented her from leaving to see her kid's thing, then she should've knuckled down, got to work and asked for help along the way. Not spend what little time she apparently has trying to ream out her coworker out for not catering to her whim.
Agreed. Only lazy people who don't want to make the effort blame OP for not being a doormat to their whims. That's the same as trying to get someone to do their physics homework when they aren't taking physics classes.
For the birthday month story, my grandmother does this. She's a narcissist It started off as a week a few years ago because she went to a old people resort (basically a spa to help with joint pains) but then her stay extended to two weeks so naturally it became a 2 week long birthday. Like the husband, she'd demand EVERYTHING to be done for her, by staff and other residence. She also tried to demand that we come visit from a different country. When I was doing my finals, she said she was terminally ill and had my mother visit her for over a month and take care of her at the hospital, she is fine and no it wasn't that bad she just made it sound worse. It was an issue with her hip and she had a minor surgery
Story 1: Yeah, that's a classic case of "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" because OP is literally paying for her & yet she's not allowed to stop paying due to an April Fool's day prank that is seen as harmless by toxic family members.
Last story: something tells me that the lady harassing OP "had plans" during the workday that prevented her from being done by 5. On top of that, OP wasn't even on her team, which makes me think that this lady just felt entitled to OP's time.
"On top of that, OP wasn't even on her team, which makes me think that this lady just felt entitled to OP's time." Coworkers with kids often assume that they are entitled to single people's free time
Story 3: My family references 'Birthday Month' in our house, but it is ALWAYS sarcastic and a joke. Situations like; Mom: "Can you help with the dishes?" Daughter: "Sorry I can't, it's my birthday month" as she gets up and start helping with the dishes I can't imagine someone being so entitled to think that they actually deserve special treatment for an entire month.
Except when it's a) part of a wacky scheme, or b) necessary to raise the dramatic tension of the cliffhanger when you show up at your own funeral just before the credits roll.
I'm only giving her some slack because she was in the hospital for something serious. It's been days. OP can at least talk to the daughter. I'm conflicted because ik OP could've unalived herself. If the daughter is ready to apologize id forgive by now.
I had to listen to the last story a few times tbh. If OP is highly skilled enough to be headhunted and have all the leverage in their employment negotiation then it's a safe assumption her job is highly technical so its understandable if she wants to do her job and dip. And as someone who also values their free time myself, theres nothing wrong with telling someone no so you can have it. How many times have we all seen the "secretly hoping plans get cancelled so i can sleep" meme. And OP seems independent and resourceful so the whole "what if you need a favor" likely wouldn't bother her because she'd just figure something out.
Story 2: The funnies thing about this story is that if you put a different subreddit and don't mention the names, it sounds like she's telling other moms tactics to get their kids to eat vegetables
I enjoy the month of my birthday, but a) I don't demand to be pampered during the entire fracking month, and b) I just watch anything related to horror because my birthday is in October (and I freaking love horror).
Definitely on OPs side for the last story. Sudden changes in plans can be super stressful and I find that I get upset very quickly when someone suddenly bulldozes my personal time because if I'm in a mindset of 'I'm going to have some time to decompress', to then have that trampled on because of someone else's lack of time management skills is not fun at all. OP has a strong boundary to protect that personal time and is able to put her foot down to uphold it, which is actually a really good thing imo. Also, if you need some help with something, don't wait until the last minute to ask, and definitely don't feel as if you are entitled to someone else's time just because you have something else you want to do. That's poor planning on your part and you can't expect someone else to make that their problem, especially at the last minute and when you don't work that closely with them. I'm sure there are many people out there who would be willing to lend a hand, but that is their decision entirely and not something that is required of them.
Wow, that first one… I can’t even imagine for that mother how that felt. I did a very simple April fools joke where I put fake blood on my arm and I came to her crying and freaking out. I waited for her to freak out for one second and then started laughing. I can’t believe she let her mother feel that way for 30 minutes that’s insane.
I had a cousin that died in early march 2018, if someone had played a prank, 3 weeks after his death saying “he’s alive” that would probably break me, even if I was just for a second. His death still affects me to this day and it would hurt more if someone did that. Thankfully no one in my family is that heartless. Susan definitely gets 5/5.
1st Story: 💯 agree with rSlash. It also doesn’t sound like the grandparents or other relatives had to experience the grief and pain (like maybe OP hadn’t called them to tell them before the “prank” was revealed). So it’s really easy for someone who didn’t actually go through that half hour of anguish, regardless of the outcome, to say it was “no big deal” because they were looking in from the outside, instead of having to go through it.
LAST STORY: I read through the comments on that post on Reddit and I was shocked at the amount of people who were saying OP is the A-hole or saying “NTA but don’t expect people to help you” and it’s like why? That lady waited till the last minute to ask for help so what if OPs plans didn’t seem “important” they were important to OP and it’s really non of that lady’s business what OP chooses to do with her time off the clock.
Story 2: as someone with sensory issues that makes eating vegetables outside of a handful of types in very specific ways, I’d be singing OP’s praises for finding ways to blend them into my food
Not everyone thinks, or is this way, I would be mad if someone snuck something I would be genuinely mad like if that's such a big deal breaker for her she should either talk to him or just break up its not that hard
But how would you feel about your partner lieing and manipulating you and disregarding your agency and autonomy? The cooking partner needed to be clear in their intent. If the eating partner did not wish to try it, that is then completely on them.
@@topazdarkdream you’re being quite the drama queen. From your reaction you’d think she tried to poison him. He CAN eat vegetables but refuses to eat her vegetables. He’s only causing himself health problems
@James Thornton I agree with you. Concent is consent. Yes means yes, no means no. OP is 1/5 buthole, but her bf is 3/5 on the stupid scale though. Op deserves a mature adult while her bf deserves someone who respects consent.
Not to go to dark, but Romeo thought Juliet was dead, and we know how that turned out. Definitely agree with you on 30 minutes way too many bad things could happen in that moment.
I'm with OP on that last story. Besides it being at the end of the workday, *free time is precious in this society.* I work part time and I don't even have the energy to do much when I get home, let alone working a full-time job. Free time is scarce.
Also, as someone who would do favors for parents at work, when it came time for my favor, no one would help me, even those that I helped in the past. I don't do favors anymore.
Free time is not scarce for you. You have 92 hours a week of free time assuming you sleep 8 hours a day. You are either retired or a mentally weak entitled millennial.
My stepdad does a birthday month, but he's not obnoxious about it like the people in these stories you read. He does his own stuff and pays for it himself. He doesn't expect the rest of us to do anything major for him until his actual birthday, and even then it isn't a big deal to him.
It is weird to hide vegetables in a 36 year old person's food, yes, but he himself knows he has been feeling a lot better since she started doing this. I'd be put off too if I found out someone was tricking me into eating things I didn't want to eat but at the end of the day he both liked the taste and got healthier so he needs to get over it.
On the last story ("Picnic vs Recital") - OP is absolutely, 1000%, definitely NTA. Because her co-worker: A - allowed her work to pile up (remember how OP mentions others constantly socializing and putting their work aside?), B - didn't asked for help until it was too late (you know why it is? Because if you ask for help "on the last seconds" the person you ask would have less room to wiggle out of it, so YES, THAT WAS INTENTIONAL) and C - if she was actually asking around and only went to OP as the last option, ask yourself, why non of her colleagues were willing to help? I can tell you why - because this woman does it CONSTANTLY. I had two such co-workers before, they would constantly ask for favors, help, taking their shifts, yadayadayada. And god save you from agreeing to help them, they would instantly hop on your shoulders. And the fact that "concerned mommy" found time to duke it with OP proves me right. She wasn't late for the recital, she was just on a hunt for somebody to dump her work on.
I'd have to disagree. Have you never experienced a situation where you're like "I can get this done in an hour" and then 2 hours later you're not even halfway done? Maybe something like that happened to this woman and just needed some help. We just don't know the actual circumstances.
@@thejas123rapperdude Have you ever had to do the work of irresponsible people who waited too long? Not OP's problem. The woman is kind of a psycho for stopping and yelling at her. How entitled. This is how people become doormats.
@@thejas123rapperdude If this was some emergency situation I could see your point. But this is just some corporate stuff, and sure, it's important but not an emergency. The OP has clear boundaries and is under no obligation to help the coworkers. Once she does it opens the doors for more favors. I applaud her.
Story 1: Seriously, some pranks aren't even pranks. Those is just straight up evil and mean. OP is not to forgive her so quickly because she literally tortured OP mentally into thinking someone died. Death is something you cannot use in pranks, it's off limits. Death is something you cannot joke about. NTA.
Story 1, I lost my oldest sister when she was 34 to Leukemia, the blind grief that took me over when I was told was consuming. Having a family member prank you about a death is just pure evil, I am not sure i could even forgive such a "prank"
Story one: Speaking from experience here. Anger and betrayal are emotions that need to be processed, and that takes time. Forgiveness is often a journey and a struggle rather than just a moment of "Okay, I'm not mad anymore, I forgive you." In my situation, my brother had stolen a significant amount of money from me. I still loved him, even though I was infuriated with him. I took over a year of talking to friends and family, processing what happened, and him genuinely asking for forgiveness for me to feel like I could forgive him. Even so, there is still some hurt left behind. Incidents like these leave scars. I'll never lend him money again, for instance; and when he stays at my place, I keep my purse hidden away. Only OP can decide if and when she forgives her daughter, but in the meantime, she needs space to process what happened and the hurt she feels.
I had a friend who passed recently, and I wish it was an April fools prank, but no they’re actually gone, it’s terrible the OP’s daughter thought the ‘prank’ was a good idea
The problem i discovered with helping people with their work is that they will always come to you for more help. It took me over a decade before i realized that helping people at work outside of my own work just isn't worth it. Also, giving help means absolutely nothing when you end up asking for help. Helping people with their job is like giving a drug addict money, they'll just keep coming back for more... Which i guess i still need to work on since i had to stop writing this post and worked for half an hour for free because someone was struggling with an order. It really is never ending, but i now at least refuse to stay after my clock out time.
Fully on OPs side in the last story. Personal boundaries extend to the workplace too and can be as simple as making sure you take your breaks and not working overtime. OP not only works in a different department, but has set themselves up to be as efficient as possible during work so that they can keep their boundaries in place. Whilst yes, technically wouldn't hurt to help someone asking for a favor, OP is well within their rights to say no. Most importantly, the colleague should have asked someone within departments for help - or manage their time better.
1st story: this is why people put PSAs days before April's Fool's and say not to include death in any pranks. Pregnancies pranks should be forbidden too. Not surprised OP is standing their ground and they should continue doing so. NTA.
It’s downright pathetic and sad we as a society has come to the point where we _need_ PSAs to say “don’t make your loved ones feel hurt by a cruel death prank”… common sense failed this generation
What makes story 1 that much worse is the thought of what OP could have done in that grief. 30 minutes is a long time for a parent to sit and mourn their child and is a very long time to to consider doing something extreme. I've heard of parents offing themselves in grief after the death of a child, so all I could think is what if OP did that?
When grieving time slows down and you become more aware. I remember a class mate had killed himself by jumping off of his apartment, and even a year later i remember that feeling, especially the feeling of denial.
@@funkytoasts4768 6 years ago, the state patrol knocked on my door to tell me my husband of 16 years, father to our 3 teenagers, was killed in an accident on his way home from work. I have very few memories of that day after that first sentence they said. That sentence repeats clearly in my head. The memories that are there are weird somehow, like they're happening behind fog when everything else I've ever remembered happened in 4K. I have very few memories of the following year & a half as well. Me, who can remember every locker combo I've ever had & every phone number to everywhere I've ever worked. I remember the most ridiculous of things to the point that nobody I know will play any kind of trivia with me. I'm 44 & my 1st memory is from when I was 2, yet I'm missing almost a whole year & a half outside of fuzzy flashes of things here & there or if something really crazy happened. That was after losing a husband. I'd imagine losing a child is still worse. If someone did that to someone over a prank, I'd have a hard time forgiving them too tbh.
Literally laughed the same moment you did when you read the “you ruined my birthday month” thing because it’s so obnoxious! And I say this as someone typing this in May, which is my birthday month! 😁 And yeah, that daughter in the first story is absolute garbage. Someday I hope she learns just how terrible a prank that was.
There sure are certain things that shouldn't be used as fodder for a prank. Trying to fool someone into thinking you died is certainly one of them. Has the daughter seriously not thought how her mom would feel about such "news" or is her head so far up her own ass that she can't imagine the hurt that could cause that a simple "It's just a prank, bro" wont just fix up like it's nothing?
Last story is easy: Not her team, not her monkey, not her business. I really love how she has the confidence to stand up for herself. Bad planning on the co-workers side does not mean an emergency on OPs side, especially if she has explicitly "no overtime" written in her contract. Co-worker is just pissed she couldn't get rid of HER work by loading it off to OP.
And I don't get it, first of all why wait till 5 to say that you need help? Also they aren't even on the same team. Why can't the woman go to her other coworkers or her super to help of she was falling behind? And then shame OP for doing what she wants with her own time? OP wasn't gonna get paid to help that woman.
@@samalvarez8776 more than likely her own team knows her tactics, as well as her super so she went to an outside team member to try the help me with my work so I can see my kid’s recital
That last one is definitely NTA. I agree with Rslash. It's like I hear him say all the time, the absence of nice isn't mean. It's just not nice. They don't owe that coworker anything and they take their work life balance seriously. The coworker falling behind in her work and missing stuff can be summed up as "sucks to suck"
So I did a little digging on the birthday month story and the wife has been making a few posts around Reddit about his abuse for about a year now (including a post on r/ narcissisticspouses and r/ marriage) about this dude’s, emotional and financial abuse over the years… She really needs to run and get out before this marriage destroys the both of them. Unfortunately, it sounds like she’s way too buried in the abuse. She really needs to understand that no amount of counseling is going to save that marriage.
The last one, OP gets a butthole score of 0, why? Because that woman knew she had work to do that day and had her daughters thing after that, but instead of doing her job and making sure she had it done before the end of the day, she decided to eff off until the last moment (Literally as the day ended.) and decided it should be someone elses problem. I guarantee you if OP would have said yes, as soon as she started doing the work that woman would have walked off to got to her daughters recital. OP Has no obligations to people who decide their work isn't important until the last minute and anyone who disagrees is probably the same as this woman and pushes their work off on other people.
Ive known 1 person who celebrated a birthday week and 2 who celebrated a birthday month and ,SURPRIZE, they're all narcissistic sociopaths. * side note: they also all refused to celebrate anyone elses birthdays for more than an hour or so.
The last one I agree with r/slash. I actually heard the same one not too long ago and was surprised by the comments and vote. They literally hit the nail on the head with "my picnic is more important to ME than YOUR daughters recital" NTA
In my family everyone gets a birthday week. It’s hard to make one day exceptional but having a whole week of little special moments is way less stressful.
As someone who has watched my mother mourn her youngest child (my "baby" brother, he died on labor day last year at 34) for months now.... What Susan did was beyond fucked up.
The guy complaining about the leftovers on his birthday month. I would've gone to the hotel without him. He can look after himself for a few days, then hopefully he will appreciate everything op does for him
As someone who's mom was told word for word, "prepare yourself because your son is gonna die in two days because of his heart failure." (luckily I survived) the daughter's "prank" is absolutely disgusting. 👁️👄👁️
I agree with you on the last story. Sometimes you don't want to give up your freetime for anything. I know I don't. OP isnt an AH for not wanting to give it up. The picnic is more important to OP. Just like the recital is important to the coworker. And arguing with OP was not called for. Especially if your so late. OP is not the AH.
The last story makes me glad that I'm self employed! If I worked in an office setting, I'd no doubt be the one everyone would be asking to "cover" for them or "help" them at the last minute simply because I'm single and don't have any children, so they'd probably balk at me when I'd tell them "NO! I have plans!" Then they would probably ask what plans could I possibly have since I'm single and have no children when they do and suddenly "need" to get home to get their child to an "important" game or a "recital"! I'd tell them that, "Poor planning on YOUR part doesn't constitute an emergency on MY part! Your children, your problem! I don't do overtime! I work only MY SCHEDULED HOURS!" Although if I would tell my Mom about it she'd probably try to make me feel bad for not helping out and being a team player, even if I did truly have plans!
1st story, NTA. What she did was so fucked up on SOOOO MANY LEVELS!!!! Last story: I hate the toxic "You need to step up, learn to sacrifice and be a team player!" Mentality. I got played with that bs so much, I finally got the balls to say no and mean it, going so far as to double down if I had to. So I'm gonna say NTA, because I know how it feels.
Once I dreamt that my daughter didn't know who I was, that she had forgotten all about me and all that we lived together and was afraid of me, I woke up sobbing, ugly crying and it was just a dream, I can't imagine what OP felt believing for that long that she had lost her child forever, she's not the AH
