r/AmITheA**hole For Refusing to Babysit for Free for a Man? 

What do you think of the new audio? I'll continue to tweak it to improve the audio, so please be patient with me.

Stealing someone's journal CROSSES A FRICKING LINE OP ban the witch

It’s not “babysitting” if it’s YOUR kid, it’s being a parent.

Holy fucking shit, Rslash. There's no mending that last relationship, children come first. MIL cannot respect house rules? She goes. Fiancee can't deal with that? She goes. Simple as.

"You do have a responsibility to your partner as well" That goes both ways. If his fiancee isn't going to enforce a bare minimum amount of respect and let her mother rampage around doing whatever she pleases, he has no responsibility to either of them. She's being an enabler, and SHE is the one causing problems by expecting her fiance to just let her mother treat his son like garbage. Stop telling people not to stand up to their disrespectful partners, Rslash.

In the last story, I strongly disagree. Op, standing up to this toxic lady and shielding your son from her is ABSOLUTELY a hill worth dying on. If your Fiance cannot get behind protecting Danel, it might be time to rethink the relationship. Daniel 's well being is more important than a toxic in law.

To the last story: OP get out of that relationship now. This should be a red flag of biblical proportions.

Disagree on the last story. He's rightly putting his minor son first.

The first story: So they invited Op but not her Boyfriend and tried to set Op up with another man, that’s beyond disrespect.

"You did insult him in his own house" After she was asked to come to said house and take care of his kids. Like, just cause there were better ways to handle a situation doesn't mean OP is an asshole for not doing it perfectly.

last story: how is OP in the wrong, the fiance is in the wrong, she's not only defending her mom's actions but want to let her back in, it's not up to OP to "make things right" it's up to the fiance to decide whether she truly loves OP or if she's gonna be a supporter of her JNMIL. if i was OP i'd call of the wedding, i'd put my son first over my selfish fiance.

Last story. Thats a good Dad, he is protecting his kid over what makes things easier for him personally. Good on him. I feel sorry for him that he has a partner/partners family that dont understand what personal lines are. OP "digging in heels" isnt disrespect to his partner, its a line that has to be defended and his partner isnt accepting it, if she wants to be step-mom, she has a duty of care for the kid too. MIL literally stole the most private thing OPs son owns.... that warrants going to banishment from the house imo.

The last story: DON'T MARRY HER. Her family is crazy and she's enabling them. HUGE RED FLAG.

Ps in the last story: mil doesn’t care about Daniel, she’s a narcissist who need to be liked by everyone and can’t figure out how to make Daniel act like he likes her. She probably only wanted to read his diary to see if he said anything about not liking her.

If they’re your kids, you’re not “babysitting”, you’re parenting. What that guy’s saying is “I don’t wanna parent my children”.

In the Daniel story, how dare she get offended that he's sticking up for his son???? Huge red flag. If he wants this relationship to work, they're going to need to have family therapy to work out why keeping the peace with emotionally abusive Mil matters more to her than Daniels safety

Story two: "You can't walk into this man's house and insult him and expect to be apart of his children's life." Yes you can when your sister is the ONLY parent and their father is a deadbeat.

The last story I think you missed something. The fiancé. She now has a responsibility to a new child in the relationship and she is not respecting him either. She’s allowing her mother to be abusive. I’m sure she was raised with this abuse and doesn’t realize it. This is narcissistic behavior that should not be tolerated. It’s extremely toxic and his fiancée should definitely seek therapy.

"I definitely didn't need to call him names." No, you definitely DID need to call him names. What a useless waste of space. People need to understand something, your kids, your problem. Like, if it really is an emergency and neither parent can stay, then it's nice to be able to rely on friends and family, but otherwise, deal with it!

If the MIL is so willing to cross boundaries like that and not see anything wrong with disrespecting Daniel's privacy, I feel like the fiance would do the same later down the line

I disagree with the last story. OP owes the MIL nothing. The MIL needs to apologize or OP had just found out what he's marrying into, and maybe he and his son are better off. Audio quality sounds great, btw!

For the last story, he owes his fience nothing over his son, and if she is going to choose her abusive mother over Daniel, then it would be wrong of the OP to marry that woman.

Second Story: I disagree with rSlash in needing to show him respect. If she was going to help him - different story or if he was working, Maybe. but he is playing games. Kids kinda take precedence here. but he has no avenue to defend himself when he acts like this. Also disagree with him on the last one. Child before fiance. If she tolerates it or defends it or anything other than berates her mother. Replace the fiance.

wow, he was on such a good streak. "You can't come into this guy house and insult him". No, that guy is a no good dirtbag who is neglecting his own children, he is entitled to as much respect as he is giving: zero.

I love how every comment I've read disagrees with what rslash said on the last story. Good on you all. My faith in humanity has been slightly restored.

Nah, MIL stays banned. If the fiancee can't recognise how abusive her mothers actions towards Danial is and facilitates it, then she doesn't get to be in their life either. Protecting a child from abuse completely trumps mending broken bridges, and that MIL is too abusive to let back in

"Banning her from the house was over the top" No, it was not. She COMMITTED A CRIME AGAINST HIS SON!

rSlash, for the last time, stop being an enabler. The MIL crossed a massive line, massive and has shown a history of being completely unapologetic and seemingly incapable of understanding the negatives of her behavior. Until her feet are held to the fire, she won't change, and OP is doing that. The fiance has from step 1 seemed incapable of doing anything about their mothers behavior and has been an enabler, even when faced with being wrong about trying to stop OP from seeing in MIL's purse, they didn't back down, didn't show shock, didn't show outrage at their MIL, they just got affronted when OP did the reasonable thing and banned MIL from the house. On one hand you sometimes seem capable of understanding that enablers need to be shut down, not enabled, but it seems to me that unless it is a painfully obvious case, you can't quite wrap your head around it rSlash, as you have a long history of letting the more subtle cases of this just fly under the radar. Also, screw anyone and everyone who tries to abuse the term "family" to abuse you psychologically! I don't care who it is that treats you like crap and then holds letting you see their kids over your head when you call them out on it! Anyone who does that instantly forfeits that right to be family! Screw accidental genetics, screw empty laws with no meaning that try to define family! Anyone and everyone who is your family is only your family because they earned that, regardless if they happened to be genetically related to you! You earn what you have in this life! When things aren't earned and just given, people use, abuse and never learn!

2nd Story: The husband IS useless. The wife literally had an emergency and the husband can't watch his own kids? Who cares if it's his day off when it's HIS KIDS. These aren't some random kids he can choose which days to care about. The wife should consider divorcing this dudes ass for the lack of care and attention he doesn't have for HIS KIDS.

Sick new setup rSlash, sounds good, it doesn't take long to get used to it.

“No means no” should NEVER have been a debate in the first place!!!!!!! JOURNALS / DAIRIES ARE PRIVATE PERIOD FULL STOP NO IF ANDS OR BUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last story: Fiance is on board with protecting Daniel from her abusive mother, or she gets dumped in the trash with the rest of them. Period. No compromise, no mending bridges, no reconciliation. MIL is cut entirely, along with any other lingering infection. Amputate the entire family if you have to.

So in the last story, the guy has to have the responsibility to his fiance to try repair a justifiably ''broken bridge'', but his fiance doesn't have the responsibility to make sure her parents aren't a danger to Daniel? That almost feels like a double standard. :/ Edit: Changed ''in-laws'' to ''parents''.

Third story: Absolutely no middle ground. Either he defends his son, or he leaves. Simple.

2nd story: “I won’t let you see the kids if you keep disrespecting me!” - she’ll be fine, he’d have to actually parent his kids in order to enforce that, and it’s not gonna happen

If you have a kid, there's no room for enabling This lady is obsessed with his son. He's made it clear he doesn't wanna be around her, but she's stalking him, pestering him and now trying to steal from him The fact that fiance is siding with her mother, is a lot more disrespectful, than OP booting her from the house If she really loved OP, she wouldn't think it's extreme to ban a psychotic stalker

If you don’t want to be a parent then don’t have children.

Heavy disagree on the Daniel story. Daniel is just a teenager and the fiancee is allowing her mother, a grown adult, to walk all over him. Making her part of the problem too. That doesn't deserve respect. Dump the whole family.

MIL goes into a child's home, steals from them in order to gain information, and when confronted by pops, lies to his face. She's then banned from the house. rSlash: There must be some middle ground. Lol. Yeah, it's the front yard.

Honestly? I’m disappointed that you reverted back to “happy wife happy life” in the last story. Not to an extreme degree but certainly questionable. If the boys own mother wants to act all offended, that’s stupid. She should care less about appeasing her delusional relatives and stop acting like it was an overreaction to protect HER OWN CHILD! No, OP doesn’t have to mend anything. It’s the wife who has to mend this. She has to see reason and stop guilt tripping OP.

Last story: Did anyone not see that MIL INVADED his PRIVACY?

1. NTA. They focused their marriage... On trying to get OP to leave their husband for another man. 2. NTA. As a sister in law of an idiot, this enrages me. The number of times I saved my niece from hurting herself while her dad tried to show my husband something on a video game... Fucking useless. 3. NTA. She keeps on butting into a mourning teenager's life!

They were tryna get OP to cheat on her boyfriend!😠

I don’t agree with RSlash, protecting your son is a damn good reason to be mad against MIL and if the Fiancé won’t see the hurt and pain she’s causing her FUTURE SON then yeah, she’s a butt hole too. I don’t think OP deserves any rating.

That third story would be an absolute deal breaker to me. If I was dating someone with kids I would totally stand up if my parents were acting unreasonable towards my fiancé's kids. The fiancé clearly thinks this isn't unreasonable behavior and it's just going to be more of the same if OP marries this fiancé.

I disagree with your rating for OP in the last story. His future MIL stole from his son; why should he try to make amends? If anything, his fiancée should tell her mother to get her act together so she could maybe earn back OP and his son’s trust. If OP’s fiancée isn’t willing to do that, then maybe they shouldn’t get married. OAN, shoutout to the thumbnail

Honestly, screw the fiancé, by calling OP selfish for starting “drama“, she shows That she doesn’t understand what Daniel is having to deal with, and should not be a mother. OP should either give her one last chance to support Daniel, or break up with her.

2nd story: parenting is an obligation. You don't get days off, and children are the shittiest bosses in the world. But you put them in the world, so it's your obligation to raise them as best as you can.

And if the fiancé really loved OP, she wouldn’t put him in the position of having to apologize to the woman who abused his son. “If you really loved, then ….” cuts both ways, so it’s a useless argument.

The last story: personally if I was stuck in that home, I’d hate that my parent was marrying into a family that has shown they disrespect me. Like I get the parent has a right to have a new relationship, but I would be hurt if they pushed the journal drama under the rug and went through with the marriage.

Last story: op needs a new relationship. No outside person is worth more than your own child. Period.

First Story: They were obviously trying to set her up with Dean who has a "crush" on her. Dean is a friend of the groom. She confronted Dean and literally told him to "f*** off". Dump these "friends".

On the Daniel story: OP needs to leave the relationship and send the fiance packing. Because her mother is NEVER going to stop being ugly to Daniel, and this is just going to get worse until 3-5 years from now you divorce or Daniel kills himself and then you divorce.

“Doesn’t want to babysit” excuse me!? If my partner said that to me, he would get a new one! If it is your child, it is NEVER babysitting. Day off or no.

last post is one of the worst takes i've seen from you, man. if the fiance is defending their mother in law, that dude should call off the wedding himself, massive red flag. op shouldn't have to risk his son's privacy.

The last story, they should NOT get married

If my plus one isn’t invited, I would just not go, simple as that

Last story: son over fiance!! Always!!! She doesn't do anything against this controling abusive behavior. Op shouldn't compromise on that, he should however go to couples consuling or call off the wedding. Also the MIL either change and takes baby steps to repair the relationship or is ban for life.

I like this new audio. I can hear EVERYTHING!

Last story, the guy can find a new partner, his son though should be most important in the end so no he shouldn’t compromise his sons happiness just for a partner that may not even last

Maybe i missed it but for that last post, isn't the fiancé the future stepmother? I hope that detail doesn't matter but the amount of times I've heard of stepparents being indifferent or out right abusive to the step-kids is absurd and that situation doesnt sound like the start of a good stepparent/child relationship

Ok, what about the Fiancé to OP in the last story? She didn’t have his back when her horrible mother was being bitch to her stepson! Ya ain’t gonna call her out for that?

Last story: If the fiancee is continuing to defend her mother's bad behavior, then I would start questioning why I want to be with her.

Third story: If OP's fiance doesn't see the problem with her mother she isn't worth marrying. By the way, you can't understand and help a teenager by embarrasing him. She’s setting the fire in that bridge.

Last story: I'm sick of people saying "antisocial" when they mean "introverted" or "asocial". Antisocial is completely different and antisocial people can and often do interact frequently with other people, just in a maladaptive and unhealthy way.

Last story: Just break up with that woman after consulting with your son, she obviously doesn’t care about your son. You don’t need her. Get rid of her.

I have to disagree with R/SLASH on the last OP's story. The safety and wellbeing of his son comes above everything and anything!! His fiance needs to have a talk with that sorry excuse of a mother of hers and if she truly loves OP she needs to stand him! If not and it continues OP's son will start to hate his stepmother for not helping, but allowing it to continue.

Nah man, it’s not up to last OP to fix things. This is a “hill to die on” issue. OPs fiancée is enabling her mother’s awful behavior. She’s trying to sweep this under the rug. Her mother needs to learn, and the ban needs to stay until she GENUINELY apologizes for her behavior. And I say it that way because she needs to understand and actually apologize not just say the words. And then maybe, maybe she’s allowed back in the house. But don’t talk to son, unless he approaches first.

That last one, OP was justified kicking his MIL out of the house and banning her! I would hope my parents would do the same if my grandparents tried that. If the fiancé doesn't have OP's back in this then it's time to reevaluate the relationship.

That last story though, I wouldn't let that MIL back for anything and if my Fiancee disagreed then tough cookies. Kid comes first before anything, they deserve to grow up in a safe, nontoxic environment, and if that side of the family is just going to forever let the MIL get away with invading privacy and poking around in the poor kids life when they're clearly uncomfortable then that's not okay. Screw that.

For the last story, I understand how people want to “keep the peace”. But sometimes peace isn’t an option for people like that MIL. They will take that apology as a victory and a green light for their behavior. What that woman did was inexcusable, and the family is saying the father is causing drama?!?! That father and son are NTAs, everyone else sucks!

They're confused why you're mad when they didn't let you bring your boyfriend, then tried to set you up with a guy you already said you didn't want to be with No shit you'd be mad

I hate people who decide to try and “diagnose” other people who aren’t doing anything wrong Its always disgusting, and people who do this usually use huge (incorrect) stereotypes in their “diagnosis”

Second story: OP's sister made the worst mistake of her life by marrying that useless manchild.

I hope banning a thief from the house still stands (even if they allow crazy MIL back in his life)....otherwise get a lock for the poor boy's door.

If someone did to me what they did to that girl in the wedding I’d would not have been as reserved I definitely would’ve caused a scene #nuclearrevenge

No no OP gets zero blame for banning future MIL from house. His fiancé’s only correct move was to side with Daniel, NOT her stupid parents. Break up now, no wedding. If she can’t support him during this, she’ll disrespect him and cross boundaries once married and they’re stuck. Run. Run. Run.

Ah.. yea yea, so it’s COMPLETELY reasonable to fix a bridge with a person who was the person who broke the bridge.

Sorry, R/Slash, but the OP in the last story should not apologize in any way to the toxic mother-in-law to be. She must make a sincere apology to the son and OP before he can decide whether to rescind the ban. The sound is good, crisp and clean.

Sometimes R/ really angers me, he’s giving slack to to the Thief of a MIL and useless father who thinks taking care of his kids is “baby sitting “

"If you keep disrespecting me, I won't let you get into my kids' life" "Is that a good bargain I heard ?"

1st story-NTA. Glad you finished your meal before taking off, but I understand why the whole Dean thing with giggles behind hands was the last straw. 2nd story-NTA. I'm surprised you stuck around after learning the dad was home playing video games. 3rd story-NTA. I don't really completely agree with rSlash here. Your ILs are using a manipulation tactic to try and force an apology you don't owe to them. You never said your fiance couldn't be around her family, and protecting your kid as well as his privacy has to come first, particularly since he's still a minor. If I had to offer any suggestion on these matters, I'd say to offer a fake apology to the ILs, but only AFTER you get your son a lock for his door that only you and he have keys to get into. That way, if MIL ever comes over again, Daniel's personal space is protected. Then if you're called out on doing that by MIL at a later date, you just explain that as sorry as you were for how you behaved toward her on the day she STOLE his private and personal journal, you were much sorrier you hadn't properly protected your son's privacy in the first place after seeing how intrusive your FMIL was going to be about him, so you waited to offer any sort of apology until you secured his room. I personally would not apologize and I'd inform fiance that as his stepparent, I'm expecting her to consider Daniel as her own child if she wants to marry into the family because the two of you are a package deal and that her mom's intrusive acts are not going to be tolerated in the house. Your fiance is supposed to cleave to you if she's marrying you and she'll have to figure out what she wants more. To have a family with you or to have her mom interfering in her life and the lives of people she gets close to. I'd set this boundary here and now myself. I'd meet with the future IL and explain exactly why things went the way they did and that the intrusive nosy behavior into Daniel's personal life and thoughts will not be tolerated ever again, and that any decent parent would have gotten angry over someone STEALING their kid's journal which contains their most private thoughts because they wrongly thought they were entitled to know them. This IS a hill to die on, IMO. I say this as a stepmom myself, I'd be on my stepdaughter's side if anyone stole from her from my own family and THEY'D be the ones apologizing or we'd cut ties.

Before my mom met my dad and had me she was a single parent with my brother, she said that there where several guys that got kicked to the curb because they thought they where more important than my brother.

When the husband does it it’s called PARENTING!

Serious question, rslash: Why are you so insistent on mending bridges with toxic family?

The last one, just leave the fiancée. My rule is always look at the parents in law and their behaviour. If they are buttholes, stay well away. Your son is more important than a new woman. If this moron is harassing your son and she is going to be in your life in the future, then to me it's a no brainer. No point in delaying the inevitable.

There is a middle ground in the last story: the MIL is unbanned if she 1) apologizes to OP (actually mostly Daniel) for a) invading Daniel's privacy and b) stealing personal items, and 2) she agrees to back off of Daniel before she causes him to actually start becoming anti-social by pulling stunts like this that damage his trust in other people

last story: "you won't come to the wedding? is that a promise?"

The MIL wasn't doing anything for Daniel, she was doing everything for herself. And taking a journal or diary crosses a line that can't really be uncrossed.

This entire comments section is basically people disagreeing with Rslash on the last story. I wonder if he is going to edit out that part later lol

Middle ground is obviously she can go visit her parents any time she wants & they don't come to the house anymore. Simple as.

The set up sounds nicer. Makes me wonder, though, can you have the air conditioner on, or are you suffering in the heat? 😂

“Didn’t understand how hard parenting is” Maybe he’d understand if he was actually a parent

Last story - OP should not back down. He needs to dump fiancee. Even if she goes No Contact, she will be begging him to change his mind forever. Also, if he apologizes, Daniel will be on the outside. When he is older, will he even come home for holidays when he knows he will be alone for the best parts because his dad is at the in laws'?

Story 2, that guy deserved what his SIL said to him. That guy was such a lazy ass. You don't get to foist your kids on someone else then have a tantrum when they tell you off.

I hate "parents" who think of parenting as a second job that they aren't getting paid for so why bother doing it.

"this man expects you to cater to him You're not his wife." actually the wife shouldn't even cater. thats a MOTHER

I’m hearing a lot of Ps, Ts, and S’s when you talk into the mic. You may need a stronger pop filter. I just bought a Shure sm7b a couple days ago still trying to perfect the settings 🤞

Wait wait wait ok so it’s the Dads day off and he doesn’t wanna waste it so he makes op waste her day off

I have to ask this, rSlash... Why did you give the OPs a butthole score? None of them did anything wrong this time. First story: simply put, respect is earned, not just given with no reciprocation. Second story: see my thoughts on the first story. Third story: OP did the right thing. The actions of his MIL wipe out any butthole score OP may have gotten in this situation if the MIL was actually a good person.