r/Trueoffmychest My White Wife is Pretending to Be a Black Man 

Story 2: How do you fix this? You don't. You admit you messed up, get divorced, and take the L. You learn and grow. You don't fix the trust you broke like that.

I'm laughing at the second story. "Woe is me, I cheated on my wife and now I'm upset that she's thinking and sleeping about other men. How unfair, feel bad for me" You got what you deserve bro.

To be very clear to anyone in a relationship: if your partner is willing to either mock you (seriously, not in a playful mutual way) or stand idly by while you are mocked then find a better partner.

So the wife beautician actually had like 3 updates... They were not physically cheating but the co-worker did try and hug and kiss him at work and he shut it down real quick.. He had a cousin that he was really close to that took her life and it devestated him and that is what he saw in his co-worker, nothing more... He understood how HORRIBLE he was to his wife and everything worked out.. He didn't realize until she was saying she's out of this relationship... He was extremely depressed and saw that him not sticking up for her was low! But, happy ending...

I cannot stand people that look down on those they deem less intelligent. What it really shows is that their intelligence is the only valuable attribute, and they've got a bankrupt personality

Story 5: That's got to be the worst way to discover that your spouse is having an affair. You just go on about your day, and then you get a phone call from a solicitor telling you that someone is having an affair with said spouse. That must've stung

Story 3: The thing is, both OP's husband and his coworker genuinely believe they're smarter than their partners. I think they might legitimately believe that they're both too stupid to figure it out.

Story 3 “Workwife”/“Workhusband” was the worst word ever created and I feel that anyone who uses this term to describe their relationship deserve to be reprimanded and possibly demoted/fired.

you know a story is quite god damn weird when even rslash is speechless like in story 1

The lengths some people go to just to be able to say the N-word.

Story 2: he only learned from his “mistake” (a mistake happens once which you learn from it) because he got caught. If he didn’t get caught there would be no “mistake” he learned from. ETA: now that the marriage is open and his wife knows she could do better, she denies him. Good for her. However, she should just divorce him and pursue her own happy relationship with someone else. Her kids will see everything and they will not be happy. She is now putting her happiness over her kids’ wellbeing. And they will grow up to learn they can get out of an argument or shut down something in a marriage with the “I’ll divorce you” card. Which is toxic.

As an Asian that identifies as a white woman that identifies as a German shepherd that identifies as a native American man, I am also outraged.

god hearing all the stories about cheating always baffles me?? i will seriously never understand why people cheat instead of just leaving the relationship if they're unhappy

First Story: I beg ya pardon? As a black man, um I don’t know how to respond to this or react to this. Um, this is weird behavior and I think OP should confront her asap. That comment is hilarious lmao. I don’t know how to feel about it too Second Story: Honestly, OP brought this on himself. OP cheated and is now not wanting to deal with the concequences of his own actions? OP is lucky that she didn’t outright divorce him, cheating is usually an immediate deal breaker. Shouldn’t have cheated Third Story: OP and the colleague partner should be together and OP's husband and his colleague should be together. They are perfect for each other because they both are shitty people and blatantly disrespect OP. Its crazy how the colleague's boyfriend defended OP instead of her own husband. I think they are cheating and don’t care about how wrong it is honestly but that's just my suspection Fourth Story: That other woman is a diamond. OP got rid of a horrible boyfriend but maybe made a friend Fifth Story: Wow, how would u react to this kind of news? I feel for OP. I really hope OP gets rid of this man as soon as she can

LMAO not the second guy being upset?! He cheated multiple times, so she opened the marriage. If he doesn't like it get a divorce. He needs a hard reality check, like face slammed into a wall reality check.

Story 3 actually has an update. R/Slash’s assessment was spot on! Turns out the colleague had a crush on OPs husband and even kissed him at a work function at one point. He turned her down and made it clear he was devoted to OP. After OP confronted him with the text exchange discussed in the video here, he apologized, told her about this this, explained that he didn’t know how to deal with the colleague so just laughed off things she said, and even went so far as to get the CCTV to prove that he didn’t kiss back and turned the colleague down. If I remember right, the colleague’s partner decided to end their relationship, but OP and partner decided to work things out (maybe went to couples counseling?). I also think the colleague left the workplace, but may not be remembering correctly.

The "hot, dumb wife" story: run, girl, RUN! You get that she is jealous of you, right? You're hot and you're rich. Let him have a good look at the other side of the door.

I feel like maybe the second story would be more sympathetic if the guy only cheated once, but no, he made the conscious choice to cheat multiple times. You reap what you sow my dude

That second story feels like the husband's pov from a story a while back. A woman found out her husband was cheating on her and she waited in the lobby of a hotel to see them. Idk, it could be 2 separate relationships and have nothing to do with the other but it's still crazy

There are tons of updates for the 2nd (cheating dude asking for forgiveness) and 3rd story (work wife). Sorry for an eventual bad-english case: 3rd story) OP and work-wife's boyfriend confronted their significant others. OP asked why did the husband let the "work wife" talk about her and why he followed that game. He said not to be worry. She's just acting like a work wife does by being petty and jealous. OP says that that hurted and started to cry. Then husband came back a few minutes late, and told that she's right and he was stupid to let that happen. Now, you would think things will go better and heal after this, but no. Work-wife BF did the same to her (talking) but also got to see more convos between OP's husband and work-wife. They kissed in a party some months ago, also admitted that work wife had feeling for OP's husband. Work wife BF show'd and told this to OP. She was mad and demanded an explanation from her husband and he freaked out, because.... yes, they did kiss but it was her and he didn't kiss back when he could have done that, also offered more explanations. She told husband to leave the house for a time. She wasn't mad, just confused and sad. Days later, OP and husband talked and he showed a photo. It was a photo of his dead cousin, who looked similar to work wife. Husband said that he knows why he bnoded so weirdly with work wife. She reminded him of his cousin who killed herself when she was 16 for getting bullied over and over, so that's why that happened. He told OP she was right and is going as far as cutting all communications with work wife and quitting his job and looking somewhere else. That he sees a future of them growing old and going together. That did nothing but fill OP's heart wit joy. But..... ...after that happened, that joy went somewhere else. Something is now broken inside of her, and he's thinking about leaving him, thinking they're not meant to be. That feeling it's not something weak, in her words, but a thing that just keep getting stronger by the day. She just doesnt trust him and it's not the same anymore. 2nd story) "copy pasted" Thank you everybody for the reality check. "The general consensus that I gathered from the comments (I never thought there will be so many, I'm still reading them), is that you believe that my wife doesn't love me any more. It's probably the truth. She is staying with me for the children and I fully understand her. I love my children too and I want to be in their lives all the time, every day. We have worked so hard for the beautiful life we have and we did it all primarily for the sake of our children. I will not ruin that now for selfish reasons. I have decided to stop hoping/wanting/demanding love and forgiveness from her, instead I will accept that I will always live with this guilt. that's only fair. I will enjoy the other aspects of our marriage. Like raising our beautiful children with an amazing person like her and watch them grow up to be the good human beings they are. I will always love my wife and I will always regret what I have done but I need to move on too, I'm going to seek help for my mental health and probably start seeing other people too when or if I'm ready." That's all for now

Story 2: marriage was dead when you cheated. Marriage was brought back as a zombie when the marriage was opened up so it could die all over again.

I have no sympathy for the second story OP. Now he feels exactly how his wife felt when she caught him cheating

As someone whose Black, all I can say is "WTF?!?!" Like what was she tryna accomplish by pretending to be Black? OP needs to confront his wife ASAP. Us Black folk are really good at telling who isn't and isn't Black. Especially since words and phrases that only we know, so even over text we can tell who is and isn't Black. That story also reminds me of when done guy stole my pics and pretended to be me. It was both weird and creepy seeing a pics of myself on an account that wasn't mine. Fortunately, that account got shutdown.

It's pathetic how ppl cheat and then have the audacity to play victim when the betrayed spouse decides to cheat too.

The guy from the second story should just get a divorce. It's obvious he can't handle being in an open marriage, and it's unlikely his wife will ever change her mind, so the 2 of them should stop kidding themselves.

Third story: yeah, I think that relationship needs some therapy and some other intervention. Maybe a separation as a cleanser. Your husband shouldn't belittle you like that

Story 2: There's no 'fixing' this. You messed up and destroyed your marriage. Now you have to either divorce her or deal with the hand you dealt yourself.

Story 2: what are you crying for? You got what you wanted, she's getting what she wanted. You cheated for 3 months until she caught you, how long were you going to cheat if she hadn't found out? But now that she doing what you did your dying inside? The problem here is that you wanted everything to be one-sided, you cheat she stays home and remains oblivious, but now you both get to have fun.

Beautician story: sad that the only one who stood up for OP and called the colleague out for being rude was the colleague’s partner and not OP’s partner. OP’s husband doesn’t care for OP. OP deserves better than sharing her 6 figures with a guy who can’t stand up for her when his jealous colleague insults her, let alone join in and laugh at the insults…

Story 1: I don't even know what the whole point of this LARPing is supposed to be. She could've just gone as herself and it shouldn't have been much of a difference

As a licensed cosmetologist that husband and his coworker can go screw themselves. All the stuff you have to learn and test on is crazy. We had to learn biology, anatomy, history, electricity stuff, business, chemistry, all so we know how to take care of our clients.

I remember the first post but honestly when i saw most ppl were finding the first story funny it really made me wonder why white people cant leave us black people alone (i promise im not a white woman lol)

Story 2: The time to fix things was the day the affair began. If you really wanted to fix things and stay with your wife, the second-best thing to have done (since the best thing is always to not do it in the first place) would be to admit the truth the day that it happened. If you let even a single day pass by, it gives you false hope that you can get away with it. If you admit to it the same day, and you show that you really want to salvage the relationship, regardless of what your partner decides to do, there is a much better chance that you'll become a better person and truly learn the lesson. Sincerely, A former cheater

I'm glad the other person in the last story Contacted OP and told her about her Husband. We see often on revenge stories that the person plotting revenge on the cheating partner or spouse will often not tell the partner of the other half of the cheating peoples for a very long time just so they can get revengus maximus.

Story 2: just leave your wife. Time to let it go.

Second story is FULLY DESERVED. Imagine how your wife felt when you went around her back for a long ass time having an affair. This man deserves to suffer. "I learned from my mistake" Cheaters never do. Literally have family members who cheated on their partners and "baby I swear I'm gonna change/I learned my lesson" It's ALL horseshit, you'd just cheat again but be a lot more sneakier about it. If OP REALLY TRULY DID love his wife he wouldn't have cheated on her. This wasn't a drunken one night stand, this was an active affair. He never loved her, he just loves the stability she provides for him and now that there's no tabooness to him sleeping with other women, he doesn't get joy out of it anymore.

Cheating Boyfriend: I sort of love how quickly the three month girlfriend realized what was going on.

Story 1: So *this* is why my online friends were asking me if I was a white woman💀 Story 2: he brought it upon himself tbh. Story 3: this is super fucking weird and the colleague is trying to put op down to get with her husband. I have an ex friend who did this to someone(I found out after I stopped being friends with her) I didn’t know, I only found out about this because she got called out and I’m messy as hell. Story 4: It’s the age of technology how did he not look at her phone’s location before bringing the girl back? Story 5: Op needs to tell people, they’re gonna wish they never had him there once they find out.

Story 2: You wrecked it and she's not willing to go back to the way things were before you did it. It's time you both move on.

The way that second story sounds… I have to wonder if Op and his wife actually talked about getting back together, or if OP had begged/pestered her to not leave him in the end (possibly leveraging the kids?) and she broke down agreed to on the condition of opening up the marriage. Because, from the looks of it, she never wanted to stay married in the first place. Especially if she’s whipping out the divorce card the moment Op wants to talk about closing the marriage. From my perspective? The marriage was over the moment Op decided to cheat. She isn’t ever going to forgive op for what he did, and he can either accept that and move on, or he can continue ‘being punished’ as he put it.

Story 2: OP deserves no sympathy, but his wife is just as bad as he is- if not worse. It's one thing if she had outright separated from him or heck, even if they reconciled and she later decided it wasn't going to work but she only got back with him to cheat on him (regardless of the fact that he agreed, he is very clearly not ok with it- that makes it cheating). This extended revenge plan isn't just impacting OP, it's affecting their kids (I'm not ignoring that OP's initial cheating also impacted the kids). The whole relationship is toxic and they need to divorce. This situation is pathetic on both sides and those poor kids deserve better. Although I will add that it's extra scummy that OP cheated on his wife when she was either heavily pregnant or had not long given birth.

I found out 3 days ago my boyfriend of a year and a half is still with his kid's mom and has been buying videos and talking to other women frequently. She tried to contact me last year but he and his friends kept telling me she was just crazy. She made a snapchat with his name and I responded to it and that's how I actually found out, since she included a voice clip of him denying me to her and screenshots of what he's sent other girls. I had been in a toxic relationship for over 10 years with my daughters' father and had been out for about a year when I met this guy. I feel stupid, naive, and used. And I know it's going to break my daughters' hearts because they loved him too, which makes me feel even more awful. I hope he feels worse, but it seems like he's just mad we found out. He even asked me why I kept talking to her when I found out it wasn't him. How else can I find out what was going on? He was taking money from both of us, and claims he doesn't owe me now. I hope to never see him again. 😔

I don't really have any words for the first story because that's just bizarre, but I do want to talk about the second story. They need therapy, it's as simple as that. I don't know if the wife has really gotten it through her system in terms of how she was betrayed, and I think she probably holds some of that still inside, which is understandable. And obviously the husband is struggling because he realized that he messed up and he wants to fix it but it can't just be fixed by saying you want to fix it. As much as I think therapy would be beneficial, it might be at the point that divorce is where they're headed. Just because you want to be with someone and it's your fault that the relationship is not where it should be, doesn't mean that you should suffer. OP was definitely wrong and should have thought of the consequences before he acted on his lust, but he didn't and he needs to figure out how things should be. Maybe counseling might get them back to monogamy, maybe it won't, but if he is unhappy in the marriage, he has to decide that he is done with it if they can't find at least a middle ground.

2nd story - rip the bandaid off and divorce or move on emotionally. The only reason they are staying together is because of the kids.

3rd story: OP mentioned they are kind of independent, so I get that she can break up with him if she wanted to. But, I think he’s only just socially unaware of what it may seem like. Like how some smart people are really dumb at some things and the smartest person in the planet at other things. Him being so “smart ” could probably understand if OP told him what he was doing. Although, it seems like he’s already getting closer to cheating if he can straight up ignore OP for that long.

The second story is one of the best "eff around and find out" I've ever listened to

A cheater who genuinely feels bad? Ridiculous and rare I say.

story 2: I actually feel sorry for him a bit. My advice, divorce. Let her find someone she can be happy with, and he should learn to fix his mistake before trying again. Preferably with someone else.

Ok first story is very concerning.

The WW story got an update since this was recorded. She confronted the husband and he is now living at his mother's and they are going to counseling. He admitted they did kiss once at a party, but it was the WW who forced herself onto him. The WW was upset that the husband didnt accept her advances because she knew he wasnt attracted to her and thats where the bullying comes from. The WW and her partner has broken up and of course, she blames OP for this. Op is thinking of divorce because she feels she can't get over the distrust but hasn't come to a solid decision yet. Hope things work out for her ❤️

Story 2: uh… no, she IS ounishing him. You don't ban climaxes out-right without malice. “But he cheated!” Doesn’t give you the right to emotionally torture someone. “But he didn’t care about her feelings!” Yes, and that’s a BAD THING, *which the wife is now ALSO doing.* Giving someone a taste of their own medicine when they’ve already been cured is just poison, for both parties. Was he wrong for cheating? Duh, no argument. But no, not allowing climaxes in the bed is nothing more than keeping him in the dog house forever. This relationship is officially toxic and needs to end. ESPECIALLY because they have kids.

The second story(the open mariage one) I think that one is OMEGA big brain hear me out: Normally when you get cheated on it destroys you and completely fucks over the ability to trust someone. But the wif instead of letting it destroy her pulled the UNO reverse and is now torturing the husband with these feelings instead. Im pretty shure she isnt even hooking up with someone(although even if she did that would be no problem). She just does it to hammer in that nail called guilt deeper and deeper. And that is absolutely genious. she makes the cheater taste his own medicine without tasting it herself!

Story 2: it's your own fault. It's your own fault. It's your own fault. Wife should have just left.

It's independence day in Finland, so we're having a day off, from everything ! This is awesome entertainment for it!

Story 2: Wife is clearly only holding on for the kids, and maybe out of spite. If OP doesn't crack and leave first, wife will 100% leave as soon as the kids are grown. It's no less than OP deserves, but they should just split now. Staying in a loveless marriage is not better for the kids.

The third story its such karma, cheaters are a POS and dont deserve to be forgiven ever. OP got what he deserved. I hope his wife is having an amazing and fullfilled life with other partners who do care about her.

Story 2: she isn't punishing you, my dude. She's setting boundaries with your cheating a$$ and having fun. You know, the kind of fun that you already experienced and kept hidden from her for months. So self absorbed that not only did he cheat, now he thinks her setting boundaries is a 'punishment'. No sympathy.

Story 2: I don't feel bad for OP. You shouldn't have cheated. You should have left the relationship and never went back. You feel hurt every day? Imagine the pain she felt. Your kids felt. Because you couldn't stay loyal. If you don't want """punishment""" (which it isn't, it's what you wanted) then leave the marriage. That's what divorce is for. Just know you're not the victim in this OP.

For the second story: two wrongs don't make a right. If OP is sincerely learning from his poorly made decisions, then his wife, if she had any love left for him, wouldn't want to create any more division. I'm not saying what OP did wasn't wrong, or he shouldn't have consequences to his actions. But if she's done with the marriage, she should've left. Instead, she is holding the divorce card over his head while being screwed by other men to shut him up in guilt. He clearly learned that the grass was NOT greener on the other side, and she's maliciously vindictive. She does not want to save this marriage or be in any part to try to help you fix it. That's toxic.. if you fight fire with fire or add oil to the flames, everything burns. OP, just leave.. she's clearly showing she has no love left for you. I do hope you get counseling and have learned from your actions, but your wife doesn't love you anymore.

Last story: OP handled the situation with common sense and class. If her STBX wants to paint her as the Bad Guy, he's got a lot of work ahead of him.

2nd story: if his wife was so desirable, why did OP cheat in the first place

So yeah, I agree Rslash on story 3. A partner not having the wife's back. I found out my partner was going behind my back and saying such awful things about me. Like the wife, that hurt more than learning he was probably cheating on me. If you aren't going to have your partner's back, then just leave.

Shoutout to the thumbnail *First OP:* Um … _what_ ? To quote the channel Best Trends, “I can’t say it’s funny, but I have to say it’s kinda funny.” Why would OP’s wife want to pretend to be a black dude?! What’s her end game? I paused before hearing rSlash’s commentary to type this, but I hope there’s an update to this story! Lol at the reply! *Second OP:* It’s hard for me to sympathize with OP. None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t cheated on his wife. If he’s in that much agony, then _he_ should file for divorce. If it means losing custody and having to pay alimony, then so be it. *Third OP:* I’m surprised OP and her husband’s colleague’s boyfriend didn’t confront their respective partners about the dinner conversation afterwards. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP’s husband and the colleague were having an affair. Best of luck to OP and her husband’s colleague’s boyfriend. *Fourth OP:* It sucks that OP’s boyfriend cheated on her, but I’m glad OP and the other woman talked it out in a mature manner. Part of me kind of hopes OP and the other woman become friends after this. *Fifth OP:* I’m noticing a theme today…

Story 2: This is the price you pay for cheating. This is what you deserve.

Plot twist op's wife is not going outside the relationship she's just giving him a taste of what she's going through lol

Story 2: this is what happens when you break all trust and then expect the betrayed spouse to want to fix things. They're getting divorced the second the kids reach college, if not sooner.

Story 2: What baffles me so much is that he even says their intimacy was amazing before she found out, like... I really don't understand why cheaters do this, when admittedly everything was awesome. Why would you want to risk ruining that? Then again, I'm not a cheater, so I guess it's a good sign I don't understand their way of thinking.

I'm in stitches on the ground over how rslash read that second story with all this sorrow in his voice. I was laughing the whole time. Like I can't believe he got so upset over getting caught then freaking act so distraught over being without her after cheating multiple times. Why was it hard? Not cause you love her that's for sure cause you'd respect her and not cheat if you did. My guess is cooking and doing his own cleaning and watching the kids was too hard for him. And if you guys had such great sex why cheat? After getting caught you didn't sleep with anyone ( so he claims) but that literally doesn't matter. You're a cheater still, and have no right to demand fidelity now. Mad cause she won't let you finish and you need condoms? Cry then. Literally no one cares about your feelings and this is indeed your punishment. Accept it. Story 3 omg that gf has issues and the bf is trash. How could you diss your wife like that and let someone else do it and laugh? Also her getting upset that you talked to her bf is just narcissism at it's finest. I can't with today's stories. Next, I love that both women didn't get mad at each other and just left.

I’m glad rslash is reading r/trueoffmychest, I love this subreddit

For story 2, I'm going to go against pretty much every comment I've seen. What the husband did was awful and almost irreconcilable. That being said, the wife claiming she wants to get back together only to force an open relationship and basically deprive him of the sexual connection that should be on a marriage is wrong. It IS abuse. Threatening divorce whenever he tries to say something about it is even worse. He should just divorce her. He loves her but she's just using him to keep the image of a happy family up. She has no feelings toward OP at all. Even though he screwed up, he wants to fix it and attempt to have that relationship back. She is just using that to abuse him, which, in my mind, is worse that him cheating.

story 2: there are only two ways this can go. Option #1 in case you are decent human being. Divorce. Accept your wife is either punishing you (3 years vs 3 months) or is finally happy she can cheat on you and probably gets off on it. So divorce is your only option. option #2 in case you are a bad person. (I would choose this). Accept her terms. No sex in marriage, feel free to have casual sex with your secretary every day, let your wife take care of your kids while you will take all weekend long 'passionate hugging' trip with some random girl you meet online on tinder. In either of previous cases, she won't like you doing this. The only case where she would be content with you accepting this option, is where you should have never married her in the first place, since she isn't in the marriage for you in any shape or form.

story 2: I think she's definitely doing it to punish him. And it's absolutely understandable. Still, OP Should get divorced, this kind of relationship fuelled by hate isn't sustainable or good for anyone involved, least of all the children.

Story 2: damn its almost like she felt the same way. Isn't that crazy? Isn't it so wacky how you get to experience what she experienced when she saw you in the lobby of the hotel? Isn't it so weird how karma works? Wiccans have a rule: the three-fold law. Basically, do as you want as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. Any wrongdoing you put into the universe, it'll come back to you three-fold, or three times harder. Im soooo sorry you feel so hurt by the consequences of your actions 🥺🥺 poor you, OP. I'm glad you realized the 2-hour drive and hotel room wasn't worth it. But ffs you can't really expect sympathy.

on first story when the wife accused him of cheating, if i were the husband, I wouldve said "Yes! I am cheating on you, with a Black man named (whatever fake name she gave him). We met and started talking on reddit and I cant deny my frelings any longer" and then just watch her face change.

Story 2: You just gotta leave dawg, she’s just getting off on the fact that she can torture you now, even if she hasn’t slept with another human at all, it’s all to torture you. And then anytime you bring up your concerns, she immediately threatens divorce. She’s not opening the marriage to have an open marriage, she’s doing it to hurt and torture you, she probably knows what’s going on in your head and how she emasculating you, you gotta leave. This is punishment, the cheating occurred and you’ve already paid with the separation, now this is simply her way of exacting revenge. This reminds me of a guy who caught his wife and said he stopped loving her that day, just immediately got over her. Now she begged, pleaded, and cried to not break up with him, he acquiesced, but he doesn’t love her, I think he may have gotten a fuck buddy on the side after the break up and made the former cheating wife ok with it, but he would still fuck her too, but he would do humiliating things to her as punishment and revenge for her cheating, he made her do anal too and caused her a lot of pain, and he basically treated her like a sex toy, he said he stopped caring but still used everything to punish her, any time she would bring up working on their relationship and/or getting rid of his multiple partners (I believe he eventually wound up with more than one fuck buddy) he would hang divorce over her head just like OP’s wife is doing to him. There comes a point where it’s no longer consequences for your actions and it’s punishment, revenge, and torture. OP, you gotta leave, as crazy as it sounds, you have to look out for yourself and your own mental well being now.

Story 2: So, this is one of stories that the guy is actually resentful of his actions. Though you just take the loss and move from it. If she keeps using the divorce card every time you want to talk about it then you should take it. Yes you cheated, but her seriously doing these petty actions is way more insulting I feel like.

So the story with the 'work wife', the husband and coworker I think are the kind of people that believe they are superior and so much smarter than other people, that honestly, they could be cheating, they just think they're 'soooo much smarter' than other people, that they are able to hide it, and that other people are too stupid to figure out what they're doing 'in secret'

Story 1: "I didnt mean to snoop around, but I looked through her history" Lol , what? 😅

The second story the open “marriage” is a punishment because if he was just reaping what he showed she would have divorced him. She wants something to hold over his head and hurt him with. He gets no sympathy for his actions. I do feel bad for the kids in this situation and the continued hurtful actions the wife is taking. Leave him. Or hell OP should take the L and realize she doesn’t (rightly) want to actually be with him because of what he did and leave HER. Staying in hell will only mess up both of them.

I am very concerned about this wife

The wife just stayed with the cheating op for her kids. The marriage is dead op, let it go.

If the cheater truly loved his wife, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place

I don’t condone cheating but blackmailing someone with divorce to get what you want isn’t the way to go either.

Second story. Yeah what he did is wrong. There is no arguing that. What the wife is doing though … this isn’t forgiving, this is ongoing punishment. Justified or not, she is being nothing but malicious. If they aren’t going to work to repair the marriage then they need to end it. This isn’t healthy. And I’m a little sickened by anyone who says the wife is within her rights to do this to him.

Second story: Look, stuff like this is terrible but not irredeemable, but when you had your cake but decided to eat someone else's, you can't blame them for "Punishing you".

There's punishment and repentance, and then there's "Im gonna make my husband I got back with either divorce or Krump himself."

Story 1: I heard of cops putting plants in protests to stir trouble and make peaceful protests look violent, but this is a new level. Story 2: As little sympathy as I have for him, if he's so miserable, he can leave? "Oh no divorce!" yeah but you're miserable, why are you even staying? For the kids? They can still see you if you divorce her. Story 3: Rslash I think you're forgetting they think OP is an idiot. The updates only prove it, he gave her a fickle excuse when he realised she'd be leaving him that involved guilting about his dead cousin. "But he shut it down." Clearly not well enough. Story 4: Well, at least the side piece was a good one. As bad as cheating is, a lot of the time the victim and the side piece decide to see each other as the problem, when it's the person who initiated the cheating that's the issue. Story 5: N/A

Second story: OP thinks he loves his wife but he doesn't. There is no one who has cheated on their spouse or partner who has truly loved someone even if they think they do. If you feel like your sex life is lacking, then you speak to your partner, you don't go after someone else. Keep in mind that I am talking about cheating, not (actual mutual) open relationships. Those are made with their spouse/partners trust and knowledge. Now OP is getting exactly what he deserves.

I LOVE RACISM (Not really but the wife in the story does)

Story 2: hot take, the wife is emotionally abusive and is dealing more damage to him than he did her. On top of that she’s using the kids against him as the reason they should stay together. She is taking advantage of him just to get revenge and the kids will probably be affected by this. This is a everyone sucks here situation but if made worse by how the wife is going about this while the husband should’ve just went the divorce originally to avoid the abuse and avoid potential struggles for the kids.

First story: everyone needs a path to redemption. If you don't have one, GET THE DIVORCE. She is dead wood. Lose her and find a person who will appreciate that you've learned your lesson. She doesn't.

To the OP who cheated, its tough the situation you are in. Its good that you have reflected, but neither you nor your wife has truly moved on from what happened that day. That is why the pain continues. I have been through the same experience, in order for things to improve you will need to work together on overcoming this problem. S anon does couples meetings, maybe start there. However, if she isn't into fixing things than the marriage is already over and I think you know it. Nothing will improve, cut your losses and move on, you are doing nobody, including your family any favors by staying in a dead marriage. While you can't expect her forgiveness, if you do the work you can one day forgive yourself and grow from this.

Op: “I don’t wanna open up the marriage, and I’ve constantly tried to ask to close it again.” Rslash: “yOu WaNtEd tHiS!1!”

Second Story: You know the saying "You get what you f*cking deserve"? Yeah, OP deserved everything that came to him. He cheated on his wife, and suddenly he thinks what his wife is doing is "punishing" him? GImme a break! Honestly, OP is punishing HIMSELF for even cheating in the first place. OP should consider himself lucky that his wife didn't divorce OP right away.

I'm not even going to lie. The title of the first story caught me off guard and I laughed. I'm upset about the lack of update since I'm curious about her reaction to being confronted. S2: If Op was expecting sympathy, he was better of ranting to a wall than coming to reddit. He should've just took the stupid prize he won and let her go. Divorce is far more gentle to kids than having to walk on egg shells around their parents who are obviously miserable.

Second story two wrongs do not make a right. Did he cheat yes, did he learn from it most likely. But her refusal to relent on anything and always holding that divorce card over his head all the time is childish behavior. And before anyone comes at me in the comments, I was cheated on by my wife. I learned to forgive her over a long time. So both of these people are in the wrong.

Plot twist: first guy's wife is actually a black man pretending to be a white woman.

I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but if the wife in the second story was going after her own happiness then she would have left. She wouldn't have stayed and tried an open marriage. That's a situation she knows she is hurting her marriage partner, and doing it intentionally. Not saying the guy doesn't deserve it.

The one about the beautician makes me sad...I went to college for fashion design, and while I didn't graduate, I still learned a lot. Fashion design is not a career for people with low intelligence. Not only do you have to be extremely good at geometry (pattern-making), but you have to know all the different fabrics, all the weaves and fibers. You have to know that certain fabrics handle some situations better than others(example: wool and fleece are good for winter wear, but horrible for summer clothes.) And if a single measurement is off, it can ruin an entire garment. It's also extremely competitive. The other college students in the pattern-making class were acting like it was project runway, meanwhile, I wished that their ability to talk would run away.

Look for story 2, I'm probably going to have an unpopular opinion, but he needs to divorce wife. He wants to close the marriage and fix it, she wants to cause him as much pain and suffering as possible. And before you say he deserved it, yes he cheated and yes there are consequences. But there's a difference between consequences and being downright vindictive, and right now she's being downright vindictive. (Of course this all depends on OP telling us the truth) he needs to just get a divorce and realize he f***** up, his wife doesn't love him anymore and she just wants to cause him pain and that's not a person to be with. Like there's no reason for her to stay in this marriage, she should have just divorced him if she can no longer love him, instead she decides to stay in the relationship and hurt him. And then open marriage at the beginning might have been the solution, but the fact that he's brought it up multiple times to close the marriage and she just threatens divorce so she has no desire to fix it with her husband, she just wants to hurt him. And that does make him the victim in that situation and her the abuser. Clearly they're horrible for each other and the best thing for both of their mental health is to divorce and never see each other ever again. You can be both the abuser and the victim, and they're both for each other.