This video saved me…. Literally I found this in a very hard time in my parenting journey and remember crying while I watched this and feeling like I wasn’t alone in my struggles.
I was just recently a mom to my newborn nephew for 1.5 years because my sister got sick. This is what I learnt about myself: If a child is not sleeping- I can only do either night or day but not 2,3 shifts in a row or I get super depressed from lack of sleep. If I am exhausted and not smiling to the baby - I am not a bad mom, I am just exhausted. My mind will find anything I am not doing great and tell me I am failing. I shall not listen to my mind and I should be my biggest cheerleader.
I just want you to know that your videos have really helped me. I’m a first time mom to a 15 month old and I’ve watched you since I was pregnant. I found myself really hating motherhood when she turned one and suddenly getting into everything and tantrums. I felt really discouraged because I wanted more kids, but the stage she was in made it feel absolutely impossible. Shes 15 months now and it’s already so much easier but just seeing your experience and knowing difficult stages come and go and that’s a part of motherhood.
There’s a lot of challenging and exhausting things about motherhood, but I really do think most of it is a matter of perspective and mindset. I used to dread putting my toddler in her carseat which is a weird thing to hate but it just felt so draining emotionally to me. Now I’ve done it so much it doesn’t take up any mental or emotional space. Or when my toddler spills flour all over the floor, instead of feeling dread and despair about the mess that was made, I just grab the broom and clean it up. Like you said, the more you do it the easier it gets. And if I’m not emotionalizing everything, it ends up being not a big deal. It’s still work, but it’s much more manageable. I think the challenges of motherhood force you to improve yourself to manage it well. Or if you don’t take the opportunity to grow, you just become a terrible parent.
This, exactly this! I was so overwhelmed when my daughter started getting into things, now when she dumps out an entire box of spaghetti I just let her play with it, fun sensory activity, and I pick it up later. It really is about the way you view things, when she grabbing at my pants while I’m trying to cook dinner and do a million other things at once it used to stress me out but now I just try to view it as “awww, my baby wants to be included, she wants to know what mama is doing.” It really helps.
Very well said. The point about repetition is so true. There are so many things I have noticed in myself that I can do so well now that we’re initially very stressful. The car seat was one of them but also changing diapers, especially when the diaper is a disaster and you are having to contain your moving child, clean them and put the new diaper on.
I agree so much! When my son first became a toddler every time he destroyed something I took it personal like “why are you doing this to me?? Why do you want to make me mad?” And then I took a step back and realized he’s a little kid, he just wants to have a fun time. He’s 100% definitely not thinking about me or my feelings lol. Definitely over emotionalize everything but now I know to take a step back and think before I decide if I need to discipline or whatever
I had such a hard time transitioning to motherhood. We now have 5 and our oldest is 11. I also home school now. I’ve found a really good groove. I’m glad you’ve found yours too.
I just love all your content so much. Thank you for giving me something to do during nap time that makes me reflect, makes me thankful, and feel like I have another friend in motherhood!
I love that you react to your own videos that you made some time ago and explain how you felt before and how you're feeling now. I was so much in the same position as you were (especially when I had extremely active and loud toddler and sensitive newborn). Now I'm enjoying being a mother to 5yo and 3yo, it is such a huge difference!
Toddlers are HARD. It really has helped me to have mom friends with older children; they can be your light at the end of the Toddler Tunnel. When my oldest turned 4 my whole life changed for the better. You are so right that mothering is something you get better at over time. Even the most maternal women face the learning curve. Thank you for sharing your experiences; we need each other’s stories to thrive!
Dad here, and chillingly honest, I hated my children up until they were around 3 and didn’t like them til around 6. I didn’t pass the ages where they are basically crying and shitting abysses of effort, and eventually resolved into people you can actually engage with and develop relationships with makes all the difference. I don’t think you could pay me to put up with the baby and toddler years again.
I haven't fully watched this video, but I wanted to say thank you for posting your reality because it's a very true reality for most of us. My daughter is 3, and I relate to so much of your content. It gives me comfort that these stages will pass... lol, and bring new ones. 😅
My daughter is 2.5 years old now. I also really enjoyed the baby time, but toddlerhood is where I struggled. This original video resonated with me and helped me feel less alone in my feelings surrounding motherhood. This current video is also very helpful and awakening to me because we are going to try for our second child and I do become fearful of toddlerhood again. Thank you for sharing your struggles, triumphs and insight. Motherhood and house making does not come natural to me, I am trying to fall in love with it and I’ve found that as long as I reserve space for my own interests and independence, I truly do enjoy motherhood and house making. Something I love in motherhood right now is that all of the times I’ve shown compassion and grace to my daughter when she’s made a mess or has had an accident has shown up now in toddlerhood. Her friend gets hurt, makes a mess, or has an accident and my daughter shows that same grace, compassion and kindness to her friend that I’ve shown to her. It melts my heart ❤
I have to say, I've been subscribed to you for a LONG time. I remember this video. I think you had Rook a few weeks prior to my 2nd baby being born. Even though she was my 2nd, my oldest was TWELVE. It was like starting over again. I had just quit my job of 10 years in the medical field. The pandemic hit and we were stuck at home. I had decided to homeschool about a year prior to the pandemic. So while we were already at home a lot, it was even more. My oldest has a long term respiratory illness and my new pregnancy (and being close to 40) made the pandemic worse for us. I so felt this original video. I wasn't sure of myself w/ my 1 year old. We were fixing to sell our house and we were looking at moving out of state and I was TERRIFIED. I just guess I wanted to say, that it was so nice to hear other parents/ moms feeling the same things I was feeling. I LOVE my children, but not always do I love being a mom. I hope that makes sense.
Long time subscriber, first time commenter - just wanted to thank you. I’ve been a stay at home parent since having my first, now I have two and it’s been incredibly hard for me. Most of the time I feel like I’m the only one in this stage of life that really struggles with it, but now I know I’m not. Totally agree with you about the teenage years, I am so looking forward to those. These toddler years have their highs, but oh man is it rough. So thank you for sharing your perspective.
Such an important video to put out into the world. Non-mom here but who does really enjoy being around kids, currently reading the book 'Women and desire' which talks about how hard the concept of 'motherhood' is on women, and how artificial the idea that one person should be responsible for all these things at the expense of themselves being an individual. Everyone benefits from the load being shared by multiple people. Am glad to see you are feeling more in sync with your current stage of life ❤️ Edit: also just to say that there are lots of mums who probably feel/felt just like you do/did but they are just not online, so we dont hear those voices.
Im probably feeling like the video you are reacting right now. But also you are giving me hope and make me feel like this is not forever. It will become easier through time. Thank you for sharing your feelings!
I resonated so much with your video when I saw it. Our older children are close in age and I’m pregnant with #2 currently. I never thought I’d settle into motherhood but it just gets easier and becomes more second nature the longer you go. I can relate to how you are expressing yourself now. It feels so much better. You seem really happy!!
Thank you for making this video… I’m in that first stage of motherhood. I love baby, I want to be home but I also need to be my own person, I need space. I also want to have a second baby but it scares me that it will be to much but this video gives me hope. Thank you for that 😊
I definitely feel you!! I have a 2 year old boy. I loved the baby stage and I knew toddlerhood would be hard for me and it has been!! We also went through an eviction when our boy was 1 and sleep deprivation was hitting me hard. I was the absolute worst version of myself. Feeling more replenished and optimistic these days. I’m also recently living g back in Vancouver and seeking more community. 😊
💕 thanks so much for sharing this. The internet is full of really sad parent content so thanks for giving a practical angle on the subject. This gives me hope that things get better.
I just had my third baby 6 months ago, I was so stressed and not looking forward to the baby year and how difficult it would be with a 2 year old and a newborn/baby but she honestly just fit right in and it somehow worked. Luckily she has been a fairly easy baby but does cry almost nonstop from 5pm until her bedtime at 7:30pm which has been really hard considering that's when I need to cook, eat dinner and put my other two kids to bed. My oldest was a really tricky baby and cried nonstop all day until she was about 8 months, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like if she was my second or third baby. She almost made me not want any more kids haha. It's amazing how different each baby is even as a newborn!
I decided I wasn’t going to do anything but mother. No side hustles etc. Obviously it is a privilege to be able to have the financial flexibility to make this choice, but I HATE that split feeling. I tried it and not only was it impossible to work, it was miserable. It’s just easier taking up a hobby that you may or may not get to that day vs stressing over whether you’ll get to do your work.
Yes, I made the same decision. I couldn't handle it, I hated both. And then later, I got diagnosed with ADHD. Meds help me with the overwhelmed feeling SO MUCH. I still prefer to do only "momming", but now I also have naturally taken on other things like helping friends with their businesses, tending to my parents and in-laws, diving into my hobbies, helping at school, etc. For me, though, I found the baby stage to be the time when I regretted my choices. (I tend to have difficult babies, which I'm sure had something to do with it) By the time babies turn 1, though, I find the whole thing extremely funny and meaningful and rewarding. Having enough sleep, watching these little creatures learning and growing, not having painful muscles from holding the baby and nursing and carrying all the things everywhere. I could be on a schedule and kind of know what to expect. All of that was better. I grew up loving animals and taking care of pets and I find toddlers to be more like the best pets ever!😂 Babies are like really unpredictable fish, where you're trying to keep them alive but nothing makes sense and am I doing it wrong? But toddlers are more like a really intelligent kitten/puppy. 😍
There’s something incredibly fulfilling about not living life in a totally self-centered manner all the time. I have grown so much as a person, and become a better woman, since becoming a mom
I am currently raising my recently turned 2-year-old alone, and girl I feel you it is hard! But also the absolute most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. My son saved me from myself lol. I hope to be able to have more in the future and I hope you come around and have more too!
I am sorry for this ❤ in Norway you get a space at kindergarten the year your baby is one years old. Of course, you can stay at home as well if you want (!!), but I would lose myself if that was the case. My son is very very social and he needs to meet other kids and have a lot of stimulation, and I don’t think I could alone match him in a few months (9 month old now).
I have recently read a study that the happiest mother's are those who have 4+ kids. They stated that it was because they have been threw it all and they're confident in themselves. But also 4 is a lot 😂
We have 4 , the children also form their own little tribe and keep each other entertained which makes it easier for me to keep on top of the daily housethings you have to do. Its also so fun to see what come up with. But the first 4 years with 4 under 4 was hard but now their older it gets easier. Maybe if they are all teenagers i will cry again 😂
Dad of 4 here. 11M, 9F, 7M, 5F. The first 1 is the hardest. The energy and the expense both decline inverse quadratically to the number you have. Especially if you space out the birds by at least a couple years by the time you get to baby number three you realize not only do you know how to handle the baby phase and all the stuff for sure but you also have a leftover wealth of little tyke stuff for them and also, they have older siblings to play with as well as watch out for them especially as the oldest kids start becoming old enough to understand the concept of responsibility. And once you hit 3, you basically have enough kids so that they always have somebody to play with without obligating the other kid to always play with them so it means everybody can have some space without needing to lean on mom and dad as playmates as much. I also have the older kids do a lot of watching out for and helping out the younger kids. And with my youngest, finally old enough to do chores, the number of people helping out around the house is has gone from 2 at the start with just the wife and I to now 6 hands to help out so it’s made everybody’s chore loads Ultimately a lot lighter. And I get so much easier not only when the kids get out of the baby, baby and toddler phase is that demand round-the-clock attention to not only get to the kid phase where they have some ability to mind and entertain them selves then, as they get older, they first have school, and then friends, and then activities to eat up their time, so they require less and less attention and effort. But I won’t lie, getting there is a massive frontloaded endeavor of energy and effort, especially getting through the baby and toddler phases, and no lie, The baby phase is the worst. I hate babies, I didn’t really begin to like any of my kids until they were around 3, able to use sentences to communicate, cried no longer on a daily basis, and weren’t helpless anymore. It wasn’t until my first was around six that I really actually began to enjoy being a parent. That point they’re definitely a whole person with an emerging personality and communication that you can really engage with, and all your time with them isn’t devoted to chore drudgery and making sure they don’t find an inventive way to die.
I think people usually either fall into 1 of two camps: loving the baby stage and finding the toddler stage very hard, or finding the baby stage very hard and loving the toddler stage. I thought I'd love having a baby but my son was very fussy and eager to get moving. He didn't love being a baby so it wasn't the most fun lol.
Working full time out of the home, while having children is not a break. It just means you have 50 less hours to get all the work done… juggling sick kids, work, cooking, socialising, all other needs. This idea that being a working mum is so easy is honestly so so wrong… especially if you’re a shift worker. Sorry… yes being home with kids all day is monotonous, but spending all weekend and nights doing all the things that need doing is no walk in the park either
I know this might me a loaded question but do you feel like feminism have done you a disservice? I mean, it’s obvious what the perks with feminism are and I enjoy them but at the same time I feel like feminism made me feel like I had to be both a man (career wise) AND a woman (motherhood and homemaking). I have no bad intentions with this question, just curious on your thoughts
I don't know why you said you don't want to be a mother, but I assume you is a delectable parent to those children of yours. Not every woman wants to be parent. I here some women around who wants to be mothers to us children.
This is actually really sad… u shouldn’t have had kids. You made a video about how u don’t like meotherhood while holding ur child and post it on the internet for everyone to see. You don’t get to say that, because having kids especially in this day and age is a choice. You are allowed to feel this way and process it privately. But please stop having children and talk about how much you don’t like motherhood.
I disagree. No one should feel alone in this incredibly common sentiment of motherhood. Read the comments and you will see so many moms felt utter relief and comfort watching her original video. Expecting women to be in love with motherhood and then telling them to sit silent if they don’t is a huge disservice to the mom and other moms and a future mom to be.
A lot of mothers feel this way and it's nice not to be alone or feel like you're a horrible mother for feeling this way. No one knows what it actually takes to be a parent until you are actually a parent. Who are you to tell someone how they should feel or what they can say?
I am glad she posted this video. Online community is important. It’s also important to be able to hear stories so that we can all learn from others experiences.
I am sorry for this ❤ in Norway you get a space at kindergarten the year your baby is one years old. Of course, you can stay at home as well if you want (!!), but I would lose myself if that was the case. My son is very very social and he needs to meet other kids and have a lot of stimulation, and I don’t think I could alone match him in a few months (9 month old now).
I don't know why you said you don't want to be a mother, but I assume you is a delectable parent to those children of yours. Not every woman wants to be parent. I here some women around who wants to be mothers to us children.
