Reacting to r/CrusaderKings, the best reddit page ever 

yello! i hope y'all enjoyed me looking at some posts that stood out to me from r/crusaderkings for.. a *number* of reasons xd lemme know what y'all think about videos like this too! it's my first time really doing anything like this, so give me your feedback pls uwu 🥺

In regards to the 'Rice' of England, 'Rice' was the Anglo-Saxon (or old English) name for realm/kingdom, similar to German 'Reich'

"just keep adding romes" is basically exactly how the Third Rome claim happened

When you think stuff that happens in CK is unrealistic and then you pick up an actual history book and it's like on second thought, this would totally happen.

R/ crusaderkings is a ride always no matter the day or the time

Barons in Crusader Kings, both 2 and 3, have always racked up ridiculous amounts of gold, having so little to spend hundreds of years of inherited income on. This is a problem with Court Chaplains in CK3 especially because they hold EVERY temple in your demesne at once (if you don't have Lay Clergy in your faith). This is why they made it so much harder to invite characters to your court. Every time someone lost a holy war in Iberia, that'd be be a half dozen cities and temples getting revoked all at once and, consequently, that many random lowborn characters with tons of artifacts and thousands of gold running around Europe you could invite to your court for basically free, to banish or execute as you pleased. CK2's exploits were goddamn ridiculous: who needs to actually develop their country when you could just RP as the British Museum and let other countries' wars funnel all the wealth to you?

7:55 In both CK2 and CK3 I always loved to find a random fucking peasant and start giving out titles of high nobility to them. It was always hilarious. "But your Majesty, he is not a noble!" "I will *make* him noble."

1 man besieging 1 man feels like a monty python sketch

10:45 "Is this Henry VIII's burner account" has to be the best response ever.

14:00 Dude straight up got Lady Dimitrescu in his court

I made custom character once, married a woman from far away and after couple of years my court priest accused me of incest: "your wife is your cousin! Divorce her now!" He didn't like me, so it was obvious slander, but still hilarious.

Starting a war over a toy boat is not so unrealistic... I mean in Italy they had a war over a oak bucket in Emilia-Romagna between Modena and Bologna

Your court chaplain will spend his gold on improving church holdings in your personal holdings (will not build new churches), but usually he has way more income than he can realistically spend. Since he doesn't really have any other expenses, his wealth just accumulates to rediculous proportions. In a game i played as coptic abyssinia, my court chaplain had over a million gold by the end of the run. One. Million. Gold. So yeah, if you wanna trivialize the economy of the game, you can just imprison and banish your court chaplain every 50 years or so.

Ngl, 10 feet tall is barely gìantess... make her a thousand feet tall, and I'd buy that DLC

Imagine your supreme religious leader destroying you with a letter like that

I was had a similarish case of that 1v1 siege. So in CK2 I brought a large army to besiege a castle held by ONE guy. Moral would have dropped to zero in about a month and I still had to wait for 12 days to assault the place. Thankfully didn't lose any troops assaulting the place.

11:18 - it happened to me with good ol Haesteinn and the *historical son he starts with* in my first long ck3 game way back when. I was just confused and was like, wait what legit how this is a historical character how was he fathered by a vassal that generated after game start? Fun times. I failed Family Circle for similar reasons and had to just play a matrilineal game in Iceland.

0:44 King Arthur against the French

10:24 I take it you're not familiar with the Borgia pope?

Omg, that's so genius yet obvious, giantess dlc! How come I haven't thought of that before

0:44 I'd imagine the siege is just them two yelling at each other, or the one laying siege just trying to tear the walls down with his bare hands

10:02 I don't remember in CK2 but in CK3 it so happens quite often I'd say that there is fairly young pope - like 30 to 40 years old. I once actually got a 20 year old guy. I was bullying the poor lad by taking all of his holdings, kidnapping him and murdering all of his family (his mother and sisters) to excomunicate me because I was going for Basque in my glory and wanted to reform Iberian religion and he didn't even do it...

“I’m pretty sure something like that has happened with a pope before” just about anything imaginable has happened with a pope. One forgot what religion he was a part of, one died from jumping out of a castle window after having ‘relations’ with a lord’s wife (there is also a statue to commemorate him), and the majority of them often took bribes from lords to legitimize their claims on territory. Just to name a few things recorded in pope history.

Personally i think your summary of reddit about ck3 was quite intresting. Long live pharaoh from Kiev!

I dropped my doomstack against an at least 3 times as weaker stack of muslims in a crusade and they beat me by having like 100 times more knights than me and everyone else. I don't know how but maybe the sheer amount of weak countries participating led them to have just so much knights.

Idk who this woman is, but I saw the title and knew I needed to be a pary of it. Subbed.

a random unrelated vassal once threatened me with war unless I give him my firstborn milktooth

This was great fun to watch.

the pope is powerful due to money from bishops in everyone else's realm allowing him a lot of mercs and mone at his disposal, he earns more than most kings until I build up

I love these new videos, you have really come far in your videos!

The PDX community scares me. I never know when they are serious.

The reddit post about the "Matilda's Chemise" artifact made me laugh because I just got the "Girdle of Mary" pedestal item artifact today ingame! 🙏

we definitely need more of these lmaoo

0:46 "Mornin' Radulf." "Mornin' Samuel."

12:30 It's the same in CK2 as well except it was for the Mayors/City rulers/vassals. I once managed to get around 2k+ gold during the reign of my first ruler at the start of a new playthrough.

I usually don't like react content but this was funny and wholesome all at the same time

0:43 Can you even call that a siege? It sounds like 2 people who really just don't want to be sent to a more dangerous battle, if they weren't then they're both incredibly lazy since the other would be asleep at some point

im so glad i found you i love this hfhxb

Dude, there should be an event on Crusade where the top 5 most powerful contributor get to debate over who got to lead the whole army and they will spawn at Rome and the strongest guy will have control over it, but as the weaker guy you get to create dissent and walk away or split the crusader army through duel-like event and if you won you get to lead an army or you can just leave the crusade but will risk being excommunicated, unless the strongest guy is completely a buffoon and get excommunicated himself like 4th Crusade.

My favourite / least favourite CK2 quote is, "But she's such a little morsel!"

This video was a great idea lmfao

Okay but Sauron being debated to death actually happened in the book, but in reverse. He had a rap battle with Finrod Felagund (Galadriel's brother) and the poem essentially describes it as a conflict between different ideologies, but Finrod loses in the end due to his guilt over the First Kinslaying.

You can also take the gold from a realm priest from a different realm, just kidnap (which is almost impossible), recruit, then imprison and finally banish.

This had me rolling. Been awhile but the memes check out.

Okay yeah cool video and all but can we talk about that shark plush in the background and how I need one?

creating a russian polar bear dynasty was definitely my favorite memory of CKII

I find giving vassalages to family members, whether kids, cousins, uncles, whatever as long theyre in the list of inheritance is the best way to ensure succession No matter what, you wont lose the gsme, and dying can help sometimes

good job baby c:

wow crusader kings has gotten a lot more tame since the release of 3

The thing about hyper rich court chaplains is specific to temporal clergy. The biggest faiths that have temporal clergy at start are Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I believe all Muslim sects are lay clergy, so that’s why they don’t inherit an absurd amount of money.

3:27 actually not a bad idea "I saw this mobile ad screenshot... and made it real"

7:08 That's what I love about being a catholic ruler. The pope becomes your sugar daddy.

"Never make your realm to big." Me, planning to turn Prussia into Greater Germany and commit lebensraum: "I'm gonna pretend like I didn't hear that."

I once added concubines to my culture. Pope didn’t like it and asked me to change the culture and I said no. Kept my concubines. Several years later a new pope shared my culture. Didn’t have a wife but had 2 concubines and several kids.

The siege: how did you get those coconuts?

Im so jealous of your makeup skills omg

I mean, the Sauron debate one is kinda canon-compatible. In the Silmarillion, he did debate an elven-king to _his_ not-quite death. (See: Beren and Lúthien, when Finrod Felagund loses a rap-battle against Sauron). The part of the lay (epic poem) describing his death reads (very much abridged): _He chanted a song of wizardry,_ _Of piercing, opening, of treachery,_ _Revealing, uncovering, betraying._ [...] _The captives sad in Angband mourn._ _Thunder rumbles, the fires burn -_ _And Finrod fell before the throne._ So yes, Saruman could absolutely kill Sauron in a debate.

Halsin from Baldur's Gate 3 making a cameo in CK2:

Hey I did manage to vassalize the pope. Memory is a little fuzzy but if I remember correctly I fought a Dejure duchy war when the pope only held one county. Because of how those wars work the pope became a vassal in my realm. Weirdly because the pope is a kingdom tier title it automatically made him a king but I couldn’t make him my priest.

heyyallitscara, no you imprison them and their sons and make sure they NEVER EVER revolt

Does she have a twitch?

14:00 minute mark, the girl turns and fourth wall break stares at the player. Approaching the monitor like Pennywise. 😈

1:42 jesus that woke me up

10:16 - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-BGCjqzB2jPA.html in case anyone doesn't know the reference (which given it's one of his lesser known films, is possible)

5:35 hey that’s my post!

Ohlawd Id allmost forgotten about epic ck2 trait stacking.

12:36 I repeatedly get over 100k gold in my world-conquest playthrough of my Indian king.

This games absolutely hilarious if you want it to be.. especially when you can switch characters of different kingdoms and cause painful chaos..and go back to your own character and press on like nothing ever happened 😂

7:37 this has happened to me multiple times 😂

5:38 Wang Lang moment. Just another chat for Zhuge Liang.

One time my heir randomly had 5000gold. Idk why tho he just had it.

Really big lakes are such a rome thing 😂

Can you make a mod list if you have one...

3:46 Allat land and the ai still cant form rome because the papal states exist

14:53 basically that "Fuck you. Strong letter to follow." telegram.

r/shitcrusaderkings say is literally my fav sub

Oh I've sat down and now I've fucking died

Pope can I get a divorce from my wife? Pope: Our wife* No.

ok that was hilarious lmao

Sorry but that noise at 1.48 made me think a demon had emerged from the floorboards of my house. Why would you do that.

LE REDDIT LE INCEST LE FUNNI MEME OMG. What a clownfest Paradox had become.

0:15 Someone should alert Vaush to this.

OMG awesome channel.

Subscribed.

I was 38 years old with the best player I ever had my 16 year old son ambitious / callous / Impatient elusive shadow 😢

The thumbnail is u/brazilianestophile right?

Holy shit, my own comment in a RU-vid video. Nice!

I wonder if it's possible to get rid from a weird fetish.

Once, when I was very new to ck3, I got the option to convert to Judaism as stress relief. I didn't realise that it was converting me to any religion -- I just saw that it didn't give me a negative trait & that I'd lose stress, so I picked it. All of a sudden the HRE was demanding I convert religion. I was confused and said "no". Then he tried to strip me of my title. At this point I'd worked out I was Jewish now, and I was insulted by this demand and refused to get a game-over. So he invaded me. As tiny baby Bavaria or Steyermark or something I ended up losing the war spectacularly, but managed to escape from prison. The entire process started up again, and I ended up losing the game. But hey, at least it wasn't as bad as the time my 11-year-old son, the King of England outed me as gay to all of Europe, because I decided that seducing an Irishman (as the King of Munster) required going on a trip to London, for some reason.

Wait you mean people don't actually die of heart attacks after debating Ben Shapiro?

once i got son in ck2 and he was bastard. not sure why. first child with wifu. i had to legitimize him

Noice

14:13 NEED

9:34 Cara...Did...Did you just try to downvote the post in the screenshot

Do you still play CK2 sometimes? (I just can't stand CK3)

I hate how they call it r/Crusaderkings the games are so different. They need one for each!!! The OG is still the best.

c:

Love your content, but especially this which opens up millennial meme porn to an old fart like me which is actually pretty funny. But publicly I'll tut and wag a finger of disapproval.

i believe crusades are better in ck 2

Hahaha this was great