Reaction To 10 Swedish Unwritten Rules This is my reaction to 10 Swedish Unwritten Rules In this video I react to 10 unwritten rules that are applicable in Sweden #sweden #culture #reaction Original Video - • 10 SWEDISH UNWRITTEN R...
Regarding distancing, it was horrible during Covid 19 pandemic in Sweden, in stores they put up lines 2 meters apart for queing distance, thank god this insanity ended and we now can keep our nirmal 3 meters distance.
Also it's way more a southern people thing. Up here in the north we dont hug unless it's some very close friend or family. I have never seen someone hug when they met less than like 50 times.
The bragging/humble thingy was nicknamed "jantelagen" by a Danish author in a book he wrote in 1933. The behaviour itself of course precedes the book. He's generalizing to much with the hugging. I'd have to meet a person on several occasion to go beyond handshake. It also depends completely on what kind of relationship you have with that person. I wouldn't give any of my colleagues a hug even though I've worked with some of them for 15 years... I'm actually more likely to hug an acquaintance than any of my friends. It is seen as a more friendly greeting and I don't feel I have to greet my friends in that manner.
Swedes are reserved until you are introduced to them. As soon as a Swede knows you, they'll be very friendly. (P.S. if you're in a professional setting, always do the handshake unless it's a close co-worker)
Hugging might be more common in some places, I’ve lived all my life in the middle of Sweden and here it is a handshake or just a simple ‘Hej’ that goes for a greeting and no hugs. Thankfully, because if someone went for a hug the second time I met them I’d be so uncomfortable. Even with friends and family it’s usually hugs only if you haven’t seen each other for quite awhile. The rest though, especially not sitting too close to someone and keeping your distance (not just because of covid) are very true at least where I grew up and live.
Well, about the hugging thing... I'm from the north of sweden and the first time I encountered the hugging was when my older brother returned after a year studying in Stockholm. And to the surprise of the entire family he greeted us by hugging. None of us had ever hugged for hello/goodbye before. Bit of a surprise that. Later it seemed to spread and it is quite general now everywhere. But I still won't hug people if I can avoid it. Especially now, after everything during the past couple of years, it seems smarter to just keep a distance. A friendly wave from 2 meters away works just fine, right?
Yea I kind of remember when hugging became a general thing in the later -90s. Started with a handshake that went on to a hug while shaking the hand and later it just became a hug. Older generation, especially men, can at times think it is very wierd to hug if it is not family - and somtimes even though it is family. I my self do hug but I also feel kind of akward doing it many times. But it is also socialy akward to not doing it at times... It is kind of a loose loose situation for me 😄 As I see it a greeting hug often happen as a afformation that you value an uncertain relation and a sign that you would not mind deeping it. So huging a friend you have not seen for a long time, reafformate that we afe still close friends. Or hugging a new friend that you would not mind hang out with more. Best mates I hang out with every other day I do not really hug, we are already good friends and we both know it so no reafformation is needed... So to me hugs are a nice way to complicate things and make it socially akward - how fun 😂
The hugging thing is very situational but still kind of a general rule of thumb. It also depends on who you're meeting, etc. Most of the time I'll shake the person's hand the first time, but if it's someone who's really good friends with a friend or a friend's sibling or something, then they could even get the hug right away. It also depends on how receptive they are and how well you get along and the general vibe they're giving off.
I would say that I as a 27 years old Swedish girl are only reserved in any of these three senarios; if I'm in a public place with a purpose (shopping, going somewhere, etc), if I don't know someone yet or if I don't really vibe with someone. I found most of my friends in school or at parties when growing up. I like to spend time with one person at a time unless there is an event and I rarely mix friend groups. Every new person I meet will therefore automatically compete with the time I have for the friends I've known for 10-20+ years. I do occasionally make some new friends but generally only keep talking to the ones I feel a strong connection to somewhat early on. If a conversation flows right away it's a good indication of a posible friendship if both are prepared to invest the time. I do talk to some of my neighbours from time to time too but only the ones I have something in common with and mostly briefly. The place of communication really matters. It's fine to say hello if your doing the same thing (like picking berries or walking a dog or walking in nature) or if the person is sitting somewhere, otherwise you risk hindering them from going to the store or getting to work in time. There is of course a lot more to it but I think we're very social in general, as long as you know when and where to approach someone. Also keeping in mind that friendships take time and that we only persue friendship if there is a chans to maintain it. Hope this gives some perspective and thank you for your videos ☺️
@@Templarofsteel88 The thing about unwritten laws is that they aren't actually laws..only customs. And tbh, I have a feeling there are a few Swedes that would prefer a bit more ease in social contact. Some of them seem pretty lonely. Just my observation on people I meet. I could be wrong and they glory in their social solitude!
Jantelagen (don't think you're better than anyone else) isn't really always as nice as it sounds. It often becomes "don't try to become better". Like, if you're from a community where most never went to uni, you can become a social outcast for wanting to get further education. There's is a lot of "stay in your lane" and "don't try to rise above your station" in jantelagen. While also mocking anyone who thinks they have a high "station" of course😅 I remember taking tests in school, and the ones i was too embarrassed about to show my friends were the ones i did great in. Because letting them see those would be showing off😅
Yes, and we seldom celebrate people for succeding in anything, because they are gifted anyway, they don't need extra support. And all the people who are not that good will feel bad! Your company may be "the best in Sweden!" - but you yourself cannot be Sweden's best... carpenter or whatever. We don't strive for success and don't believe, like in the US, that you can be anything you want to if you just put your mind to it. I think we have fewer inventers now than we had about 100 years ago, because of Jantelagen. A bit sad.
@@gunillamelkersson7603 Sweden has one of the most successfull startup cultures in the world with more "Unicorn companies" per capita then most countries. Much of our wealth comes form innovation, that is how we compete on the world market. However singular inventors there you might be right...
I don't hug, unless it's someone I know REALLY well. People in my circles (mostly Stockholm) usually don't even shake hands, it's a bit too formal. But the most cringe greeting/parting is people kissing on the sides of the head, French style. That is FORBIDDEN!
Håller med ...kan bli väldigt fel Jag var utomlands en gång och i en affär jag brukade handla i blev tydligen glad av att se mig . Så han bemötte mig med som han trodde att jag visste om med en sån hälsning...Oh ve ! jag vände på huvudet och fick en puss på munnen .Gick aldrig dit igen 🥴
The hug thing mostly applies to women, or man to woman interaction. Man to man is handshake, and when you're closer many times we do this handshake-into-one-arm-hug-thing (which absolutely isn't an exclusive Swedish thing). But it differs from person to person
I like the hug rule, but it’s the most optional one of all these rules, absolutely not universal, although it’s nice when it works. It’s also a pretty new thing, this constant hugging…
What city are you from? Cos where i'm from we start huggin after first time, even if it's someone you only been introducted to at a party, you still hug them goodbye.
Jantelagen the law of jante can be seen as a way to be humble but it can also do a lot of damage in the way that if you are good at something you will get very little credit for that . Being openly ambitious and wanting to accomplish things becomes a who do you think you are scenario really quickly. the one exemption is that if you are a guy who is good at sports but in other scenario you have to first downplay and then act as if ´it was by accident for people to not resent it. There is a little less of this in the bigger cities but it's still there dragging us down.
I agree with Cecilia. Jantelagen is dragging us down. In the US it's the complete other way around. If someone says "I'm going to be an austronaut!" Then Swedes stare at you and Americans say "Yes!! Go for it!!"
I mean it’s true that it is not the norm to be outgoing but you wont be a freak if you’d do any of the things he mentions, many people will appreciate it, but not everyone and it would be different depending on where in Sweden you are. People are quite reserved in general. Hugging is normal when meeting the first time yes!
The hugging is when the person is someone you meet of personal or family interest in your free time. But in business or work related situations there is only hugging whenyou go to a christmas party or special cosial event outside of regular work that the employer or employees arrange for special occations. At work there is only "good morning" and if it was a while since you met the person there is the hand shake, not hug.
Most rules is Stockholm / big city rules , subway does only exist in stockholm , where we live we only hug people really close , and we do look people in the eyes , and if we think something is wrong we do say it in most cases. You should not listen to much to stockholm people , they just think that stockholm is Sweden
About the hugs: It depends on the context, like it is fairly unlikey that you would hug anyone at work. I work with my best friend, a person who would 100% get a hug in any other setting, but we don't hug at work. Also you don't do a lap around a really big group and hug when you enter or leave, I'd say max 6 or 7 people. If you meet/leave a group of friends but one of them is completely new to you, that person might also get a hug (to not exclude them) but in a kind of "well, might as well hug you too" sense. I know one woman who has taken a stance not to "hug people she doesn't have sex with", when everyone starts hugging hello or goodbye she will just say "I don't hug". When she does that it is respected but she is usually perceived as kind of a dick. I think it is taken as a dick move because it is not very hard to opt out of a hug with a little more sensitivity, like you can initiate a handshake/covid friendly greeting instead or just make sure to hold something like your bag and kind of step back when others hug and people will not chase you down to hug you. Declaring that you are opting out in the middle of everyone saying goodbye or hello without any substitution is perceived as ruining the mood.
The first mentioned unwritten rule "1. Don't consider yourself to be better than anyone else" is based off of Jantelagen which is a summary of the Jantelagen 10 commandments (Law of Jante) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Jante.
I think i heard somewhere that the reserved thing is a thing that goes far back and it was a survival thing. And once you know someone we are more warmer towards them
Well, These unwritten Swedish rules doesnt come as a chocker if you are from the UK.... After all you are half Nordic ;-) .....but as you know , things are different in the US then in Europe.. If I may add one unwrityen rule. DO NOT EVER walk into someones home with your shoes on!!! You will probably never be invited to their homes ever again! What I,as a A Swede , have noticed though ....is that in "Skåne (Southern provinces of Sweden) a.k.a "Little Denmark" it seems weirdly enough OK in many homes ?????
The huggings really depends on the situation, if you like each other, had a good connection a hug definitely is the way to say hello and goodbye. If you barely spoke and don't know each other that well it's a handshake. The worst thing is if everyone else know each other well and hug because you dont want to be the weird guy only giving a handshake, so then you hug anyway and both are uncomfortable with it.
Most people won't confront you if you cut in line or walk in to them as they exit the buss, but one in ten probably will and if they do they are most likely MAD.
To me all of these are common sense, but not when it comes to hugging. I would only give someone a hug that i practically have become friends with. Geez keep you're distance xD
As a guy from the west of Sweden, Gothenburg. The escalator thing is more applied in Stockholm and cities were Stockholm people have a lot of influence. All my friends, family and people I talked with think this. Our explanation is that it’s because we have lesser escalators for transportation and stuff. Stockholm have a subway with escalators and we don’t have a subway at all. They are planning to build one in Gothenburg, maybe that unwritten rule will be applied here as well then
At least here in Gothenburg from my own experiences you generally hug everyone that you've met at least once (it becomes many hugs for example at parties and stuff and u hug mostly everyone goodbye at the end too), some people prefer handshakes but you'll find out if they do. It depends on the situation too, meeting someone new first time it's typically a handshake, first date if u never met before then go for hug even on first meeting, when leaving it depends really, if you get along well with new people then hug when leaving, if things are a bit stale then maybe just a goodbye or handshake and you might hug when meeting them next time instead. If you meet up with multiple people and everyone is hugging everyone then just follow along, it's a bit weird being the only one going for handshakes when everyone is expecting hugs (but this also depends on the setting). For work related stuff, always handshake or just words, only time I've ever hugged a co-worker is when they quit work and it's their last day and you know them pretty well.
Im a swede but im not a 100% reserved when I interact with all the new people i meet ( it depends on the person really) so one guy asked me if I was from denmark at one point. It was both amusing and wierd to hear that.
Nice to hear a Scots accent again (I live in north Sweden but am Scots born). I'm with others on keeping a distance but stress it's purely for health reasons these days......as for the rest, I've nothing to brag about, lol. Looking folks in the eye, well, I'm an old woman and blind in one eye, only partially sighted in the other. If I accidentally catch someone's eye I don't notice it! When we first moved here, I made the seemingly cardinal mistake of, after someone kindly helped me home with a load of shopping, asking her in for a coffee, something that would be perfectly normal in Scotland. She blushed redder than I've ever seen anyone blush and couldn't leave quick enough. She's never spoken to me since! Wasn't til later I discovered, despite the fika thing, you simply can't invite a Swede for coffee. Not sure why that is so but I've done it mistakenly twice with the same result. Been here two years now, and yes, we still keep our distance (but fine with that as explained) and yes, we queue. But I did that in Scotland too. Swedes also hate confrontation, so if you do something wrong they won't actually tell you, they'll go away and sulk or fume! I'd be fine with being politely told "we don't do that here, and this is why". Beautiful country, slightly strange people but I've no doubt they view folks like me as horribly weird anyway. ;)
up north you just give the head nodd sometimes. Handshaking is not that common up north. So my shock when i moved to southern sweden, was the hugs and handshakes. All and all it really depends on the person and situation and where in sweden they come from.
I hug when I meet up with someone and when I leave. Not if they're a complete stranger or if it's someone from work (even if it's outside of work). Unless drinking i guess.
I think the escalator thing is for Stockholm and the bigger citys in Sweden. In my town we only got one escaltor and thats at the hospital. Most times i used an escaltor (most times at malls) people just stand in the middle and dont let people pass at all. The queing system also aplys to the escalators.
Yeah, I used to smoke weed in my early 20's, and I've even gotten goodbye-hugs from dealers 😂 (I haven't smoked for years now). We usually just talked for 5-10 minutes at a time, with one exception, but we were on friendly enough terms for that to make sense, apparently. 😅
3:40 That's the opposite in Japan though, very much a wait until everyone's out. More common there than in Sweden. 5:00 Yeah that doesn't make sense... never heard, seen or done that. Love and agree with the last one. One of the many things I'd hate if I lived in for example the US.
The hugging isn't really set in stone. I'd say it begun some 20- 25 years ago. The hugging wasn't a thing when I was a kid. My grandparents don't naturally hug. Nor the generation of my parents (60-70 yo). I think the handshake is underrated. It would be good if it could be introduced more broadly. For ppl you don't know well, but have met before, it would be good to just shake hands imo.
As a Swede.. and then an "expert".. its stereotypes, but nice ones! I belive its about that Sweden is a big country and very few people.. we are not that used to or trained to interact socialy with "strangers"! Put that togheter with.. "being humble" and a bit shy of social interaction, one ends up being reserved!! Then to our climate that predict our behavior.. half of the year.. its dark and cold, we kinda hibernate/stay with our family/relatives/our closest friends! In the other half of the year, its almoste the oposite, let say it starts at midsummer celebration.. one supose to make a fool of one self by dance like a frog, around the maypole! Singing silly songs.. real embarassing things! It was altso in old time at countryside one of the few times that young single adults could meet a partner.. and all of us supose to be born in January/February!! That fit perfectly Zoologicly with Scandinavians breeding ! And then we have moved to citys, not all stereotypes is uphold there!
From a UK perspective it`s normal to think that this ”generalized” behaviour amongst Swedish people has to do with respect towards other people. But it, usually, hasn’t. I’ve lived in the UK for over 10 years and the Brittish are, easily, much more respectful than the Swedish. They SEE other people and NOTICE other people (which has nothing to do with the staring and, passive aggressive behaviour - so common in Sweden). Being a Stockholmer myself I do agree that people tend to be more friendly in other parts of Sweden. However, I think that the cold behaviour between people living in Stockholm has to do with a discrepancy between understanding certain social rules (including respect rather than friendliness) that apply to a bigger city and just acting friendly, in general. Something seems to be lost in the transition between ”small town friendliness” and ”big city respect” here in Sweden.
I agree with others about hugs. A stranger, first handshake and then hug?? . No way. But if the person who posted the video is from Stockholm, you have to remember that culturally, Stockholm is an island. They started with men kissing each other on the cheek, 10 years ago? 15? When they meet at a party or something. If you had done it in northern Sweden. Well, if you want to be murdered. Try it out. Go for it!
The hugging is a quite new one. Twenty year or so. We who are raised in the seventies is not much for hugging. If you like someone your handshake would become longer and firmer. When i visited my uncles in the 90's the handshake could reach over a minute. A hug would have been appropriate. For me it is still very peculiar to hug a male. Hugging needs a female or young child.
As a 50+ man in northern Sweden I must say that the hugging rule does not apply to me at all. I have had ONE friend through all my years that it was completely natural to hug when we met, and that was when we had known each other for at least a year. I don't know if it's a south/north situation or (which I assume) a generational thing. I feel that young people these days interact with others in a whole different way than we did back in our youth. They have had international connections from their earliest years in person, through cultural mixing thanks to migration, aswell as through all media bombarding everyone all the time from all angles. We that grew up in the 70-80's did'nt have that at all. The only time that grown men hugged was at football/hockey games and funerals (reluctantly and stiff).
The Hugging is weird I agree, but it's generally true, that people do hug a lot. Of course this doesn't apply to professional settings where these things aren't applied at all. And don't worry, there's a lot of autistic people in Sweden, and trust me, we don't like hugs or physical contact at all, even handshakes are weird. Although if you're properly raised in Sweden, it is true that when you introduce yourself to someone you do it while shaking their hand, and when you leave you often hug the person goodbye, not always though, there are exceptions.
The hugging thing was not at all common when I grew up in the seventies. I never hug men. The only women I hug is my wife and my mother. Only children and cudly animals get hugs from me.
Jantelagen, and it's don't act out, don't behave in a fashion that makes you stick out from the rest, you're nothing special... that's the Swedish mentality, it's the if you try to rise up above the rest we'll cut you down mentality. It's extremely toxic, and it's how Sweden has functioned for centuries. Japan is the same... If you're rich, don't flaunt it. Don't dress better than anyone else, no matter what... And of course not everyone follows that, how the hell do you think our politicians can make everyone's lives worse for each ongoing year if they can't push themselves above the rest of us, also it doesn't apply to migrants, because of the "they can't understand it because of their culture" mindset, which is pretty racist if you ask me. And of course the major corporations and their CEOs and stuff most definitely don't care at all about that at all. And as a person who has worldly understanding, Sweden is kind of like that game, We Happy Few, in that unless you're happy with the pisspoor life you lead, there's something wrong with you. Be happy with your lot in life, it could always be worse.
