Redefining Asian Masculinity | Kevin Kreider | TEDxBergenCommunityCollege 

Excellent speech. Most Asian males in US feel this way. Unfortunately, media conditions or brainwashes the masses here. I am also determined to go against the stereotypes that media tries to impose on us.

Kevin I hope you see this: I WANT TO THANK YOU. You don't know what this video means to me. As a fellow Muscular Asian, I finally realized I build up a lot of muscle to stand out from being called "ASIAN". You're video is very HEALING for me. I thank you from the bottom of my ♥.

Thanks as always Kevin for sharing this message. It is so important for Asian male identity in the US.

Who come here after watching Bling Empire?

I’m white, but this brought tears to my eyes and made me cry. My best friend is asian and some of my other close friends are asian too. I never imagined that they may have to go through feelings like this ... (they are asian Americans) I’m going to do better from now on and stop people from perpetuating these stereotypes and keep them in check. I can’t believe a fellow human being could feel so uncomfortable in their own skin because of this messed up society...thank you for your talk Kevin!

"Masculinity is not about being the biggest, the fastest, the strongest, the one who sleeps with the most girls, and the one who has the most money. The one who has the most accomplishments is not the most masculine. In fact, it is often the men who covet these things most who are covering and compensating for the greatest insecurities. Let us revere the one who loves others deeply, loves himself deeply, and has a dream that he is inspired to live with and by and through. He is a man. He does not stand unmoved or untouched in the face of truly moving experiences. He does not judge the totality of his life or anyone else’s life by the totals on the scoreboard as the clock ticks down to zero. He does not use money as a proxy for emotional connection nor material possessions as the measure of his self-worth. He does not define his manhood by the number of women he has conquered. He does not always fight fire with fire; sometimes he doesn’t need to fight at all. He does not meet seriousness with silliness when it is seriousness that is required. He does not take risks for risks’ sake, because he does not hide from his frailty, his mortality, or his humanity. He does not pretend to know everything about anything, nor is he afraid to admit when he knows nothing about something. And perhaps most important of all, he does not walk around thinking he’s The Man. No, the masculine man goes through a journey, a process of self-discovery, and figures out what he needs to do to acquire the tools, knowledge, wisdom, grace, love, passion, and joy to pursue his destiny. His destiny is his dreams. Those may evolve over time, but in their pursuit, he is not breaking down anyone else or hurting anyone else. He is not at war with other people, conquering them. He is the one joining forces, searching for the win-win. He is the one who is lifting others up, inspiring others through his journey and his own process (in which he is finding ways to create value along the way). He is the hero of his own journey. And in so being, he is looking for every way to have the best relationships possible with his family, friends, his romantic partner, his colleagues, or his customers. He’s finding ways to be the best possible version of himself. Masculinity is about discovering yourself and owning what you find. It’s about being kind to others, and pursuing your dreams with all the passion and energy you can muster. It’s about doing something that is meaningful to you that brings value to others. That’s how you build a legacy." ― Lewis Howes, The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives

Your experiences and feelings were identical to mine growing up. Im a canadian born half chinese and half korean that grew up in group homes with non asians. It feels so wierd that we felt the exact same things and went through the exact same process. Watching your videos gives me a warm feeling and i am thankful that theres someone like you around. Your a great speaker and keep up the good work.

Thanks kevin this really means alot. The western media has been putting asian men in disadvantage like how they portray asian men in breakfast tiffany. I never see an icon, feeling distress and getting no support. I hope that changes somedays. An yeah if im not alone , why don’t no one ever talk about it. I find this so messed up

It’s nice to know his story after seeing Bling Empire and seeing that he learned from his life experiences. It takes courage to do this.

Very well spoken! Asian masculinity has always been an ignored issue, it’s now time to speak up! Stay woke brothers and sisters I love y’all ❤️

This man is so humble and lovable. Honest, compassionate and drop dead gorgeous all at the same time. I am in Love with is mind and actions. The Total package.

We need to see more Asian men in movies, kissing and getting the girls instead of playing the goofy side kicks, karate villians or smart nerds.

He speaks the truth. I believe as asian men we allowed certain actions and stereotypes to be acceptable when it is not thus degrading asian men in general. Media also adds to the stereotype and need to be held accountable. Thank you Kevin for putting forth the issue to help us redefine what it means to be an asian male.

Great talk Kevin fight the good fight I’m right there with you brother

Thank you so much Kevin for shedding light on this issue.

Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate totally relate. So proud of you man!

Thank you for this video, Kevin. I'm humbled by how true this experience rings in a lot of people that i know including myself.

Great speech Kevin. Thank you for sharing. I'm an asian male and I personally have been through this so I know what you're talking about. AT this moment I could say that I'm proud of my identity and respect myself for who I'm !!

Thank you for sharing Kevin, you've been so fortunate with good looks, kind heart and a loving family who are complete strangers but took you in and love you like their own. Self love and acceptance is the first thing one must have in order for others to accept you.

Thank you Kevin. Your speech is priceless and very inspiring. Embracing my Asian American pride.

Man, I can totally resonate even growing up in an asian family. Great talk...really appreciate it so much.

Great speech Kevin. It really resonated with me and I'm sure with a lot of Asian men out there. Hopefully I can learn what you have showed me here and apply it to my daily life.

Thank you for sharing. I can relate to your experience as I grew up in the environment where I was the only Asian in the entire school.... back then. Everything you mentioned was everything I experienced growing up in Montreal, Canada.

we were constantly reminded of our asian stereotypes that most almost all asian ted talk speakers have the same topic about asian stereotypes.

Crazy how so many Asian men have that same story. Been a damn journey finding myself. So glad I finally did! No validation or approval needed to just be you.

We are asian men, we are human beings.

This is the kind of talk people rarely pickup yet it goes on in our society everyday yet people turn their back on.

Thank you for being vulnerable and inspiring.

Can't wait to Bling Empire Season 2!

Thank you for sharing Kevin

Kudos to you, takes balls to speak such vulnerable truth.

Very inspiring speech Kevin! You are very attractive and your attractiveness not only comes from appearance, but also comes from your confidence and compassion! Keep up with the good work!

I've always found Asian men attractive. Still do. While we are not a majority, there are those of us who intelligently don't buy into stereotypes, particularly mainstream media stereotypes.

One of the few Asian dudes to be vulnerable and talking about these topics that no-one talks about! Def inspired me to make my own videos about being Asian. Let me know what ya'll think.

This is so helpful, thanks Kevin. A lot of what you say resonate with me too as an Asian women.

I resonate with this guy. I grew up in west Texas in the 80s and 90s and it was hard to convince people I was human. Even teachers were bullies back then, I didn't know why people hated me.

Great speech Kevin , we will be supporting you all the way...Stay safe and god blessed.

May God bless you and your family. RU-vid can really connect us all, being able to get insight into the feelings of people from different races and cultures.

Thank you Kevin for your story!! It really helped me !! 🥰

Even though I am no Asian American ( a international student in NYC) but I can sense the great difference before and after coming to US.

Thanks for bringing up this issue. It seems like no one speaks about this. I am adopted from the Philippines and I can relate very much. Honestly I find it quite hard to watch videos on this topic because doing this I have to admit that "I am different" but at the same time how can you tackle the issues if you do not acknowledge them. As I have grown older I have become proud of my Asian heritage, I found a interest in Asian culture and I have dated and want to date more Asian girls. You are very brave who speaks out! I wish I had more real life friends who I could talk to this about and that can relate to it. Honestly all other races are almost clueless about this issue.

Much respect Kevin for speaking out!

Love you bro! Never stop fighting!

The crazy thing I don't want my son to go through this..:( he half Korean and half domincan (born in ny) I know he might be bullying. I have been bullied too.. I don't ever want him to feel out of place. The hair loss I think happened to my husband (before I met him). It's interesting how you learn so much about people in short time.

Thank you Kevin for your inspiring story. We share similar experiences.

i'm with you kevin you hit every point of the struggle

He's so cute. He's very lucky because besides his fit body he's very handsome. He's self confident and so sincere and it's an inspiration for many Asian males

bro. that's really, I think the only thing that we can do is to improve ourselves. psychologically and physically. Be you self, also be who you are.

Honestly it's so hard to believe someone as attractive and intelligent as Kevin would feel insecure and bad. When you look at people you never know how they feel. I wonder if I grew up in Asia... would I hate myself too?

This story totally resonated with me as an Asian male American 😭

This is perfect. Almost exactly what I went through growing up in a predominately white neighborhood in San Diego California. Spread the word man, great speech!

It was wonderful to hear your story.. when I was 15, my first boyfriend was Asian. Then my second boyfriend, at age 18, was also Asian. I honestly didn't know there was this stereotype because they never told me and I never viewed them that way. I had to break up with both boyfriends because we met at school and I moved away for the first one, and went to a different college for the 2nd. But, after 18, I never had an Asian guy ask me out, or really even talk to me again.. and I wonder now if that's because after age 18 they've faced so much rejection and stereotyping they never wanted to try.. that makes me sad. :(

So nice to meet you last year! Lovely chatting with you

Oh man that was so raw. I'm sure he speaks the truth for many people out there. I truly hope that our society can reach a place where people are not valued any more or less because of their race. Every race is beautiful and diversity is strength!

Thanks Kevin for telling all of this, I was unfortunately just realized I've been putting myself in a wrong situation many times. Trying to blend in is just hurt so bad when people around didn't even see you there or even worse they just didn't count you in for almost anything. I thought it is nice to be always nice, until I realized it doesn't matter because they didn't see it as something they should be grateful for, or even if there is people showing interest in me it just because they have something they want to get from me. At some point I am feeling like I wanted to be treated as white so much that make me spent so many time, money and energy in trying to be part of them, but of course I will never be.

Thank u much,Kevin！🔥☀😊

Love the Silent inbetween

Wow! This is impressive - he is very eloquent and yes I am here after Bling Empire!

Very powerful speech!

Thanks for sharing.

Awesome stuff very relatable

Times I traveled outside the U.S I noticed that I felt American... Kevin's massage I relate... growing up i had manny close friends I was apart of the in clowd" I felt a brotherhood with my friends. At 39 the boys I called friends now there kids call tio.. But i always been longing to connect with with my ppl. I been with 2 Asian women so far, and married both... at my lowest that question alway pop's up I ask myself if there's someone and somewhere for me.

This is why we need more Asian men dating outside of their race. For those Asian men that date Asian women are just as bad / buying into “Asian men less masculine bs “ lol. When I see Asian brother with a Hispanic or white women I feel so proud !

This is the story of my life. I am an Asian male in a white society and have been shunned, rejected, and mocked my entire life just like Kevin was in grade 6. Except that I am still stuck there. Where he started working out, I thought that I could just "be myself" and pursue my interests in computers and art and people would eventually "like me for me". I am now 46, depressed, and alone. Don't make the same mistake as I did. Be like Kevin, not like me.

Very nice talk, Kevin, as a first generation immigrant, I don't have these struggling, of course I have other struggling to grow my career and support family. However, my kids born here and grow up here may meet the same situation as what you went through. As a parent, I try my best to raise them, wish they are confident, self respect, accept who they are when they grow up. We Asia culture has lots of values that are precious. We are more family oriented, believe that education is important, etc. We focus on growing our culture and value to be an important part of the American culture, make it more diverse. I hope that my kids grow up to face a better world. Again, thank you for standing out to talk.

I don’t know what you’re talking about~ You are attractive and I think beauty comes in all forms. Don’t let the other people’s ignorance destroy you. I was the only asian in my class...when I was in Atlanta walking into this building.. this guy calls me Jackie Chan ~ so typical. Thank you for sharing your inner struggles.

I feel bad for asians if they really have to go through this i feel aful

I’m proud of him

Very informative thank you so much...... We're all human

Kevin, thank you for this speech. I am not exactly an asian adopted by white parents but I have lived the "in-the-middle" demographic experience for 30 years. I consider myself a cultural pioneer, my mother father and I are a first generation of demographical pioneers which was kind of our "proud struggle". We were pioneers for being "Canadian-Malay-Chinese-TeoChew-Hakka-cultured" and also ethnically "Teochew-Hakka-Chinese". It is a mouthful I know. I feel you brother, keep the honourable fight going! We are proud pioneers! In life we ARE proud!, When the curtain fades, we shall have more pride and gratification than these sheep who follow the "curb"! We are ahead of the "curb"! Best of Luck!

I wish there were more asian american men who have realized this. As an asian american female, I'm having difficulty finding any asian american men who aren't superficial and appreciate their heritage as much as they appreciate being american.

Bro I relate soo hard to you! And i want to thank you for talking about this... on a stage! Props to you. Edit: should I talk to my parents about this?

Be limitless ... don’t let others define you with THEIR limitations

Step one to understanding yourself is to know your Origins

I started to look up to Kevin kreider cause of this 😎👆💪🏽Wise & inspired

I understood this guy! I'm a Asian guy myself living in a Western society.

Hey Kevin. My background and experience is very similar to your story. My last name is Conary. I also supported your other project on Kick Starter. Thanks for sharing your story and being a trailblazer.

respect 🙇🏻‍♂️

Hey! You got muscles now. Ain’t nobody gonna bully you now. You took the Charles Atlas muscle building course and it worked!

14:01 Thank you for sharing!

*In France and in the former USSR, Asian men are not hated* like they are in English-speaking countries. And there are always some women from those places - of any racial background - who are attracted to or are willing to give Asian guys a shot.

There are more just like yourself times a changing my brother. Just be yourself.

Thank you

Great speech

Media have a lot to deal with the issue. I can see since K pop the younger generation slowly changing their mine about asian men. Representation matters.

I've heard similar stuff like this from the asian men in my life for years. I'm glad there's more media representation finally, but U hope more asian guys continue to speak out. I think media can really change that as Pierre XO pointed out in his video on asian racism

Wow he’s speaking the truth!

I'm obsessed with you, no clue how anyone sees Asian men as anything other than the most handsome men on the planet!

Thanks so much for sharing your story Kevin! I'm half Korean, and half White, and your experience really touched home for me. My parents divorced when I was very young, so I grew up with my mom, and step-dad (both Caucasian) in a mostly white community. I assimilated with the white students while in public school, since there was just a lack of diversity in general. Fast forward to college, and beyond, dating women has been such a troublesome grind. White women usually ignore me, since I don't fit the stereotypical white male ideal, and many Asian women pass as well, because I don't share the same cultural experiences, or language as them. I'm sort of stuck in limbo, where I don't appeal to either party. I've started focusing more on myself, and working on improving my career, health, fitness goals, hobbies, etc. In the end it's most important that I love myself for who I am. There's just that nagging voice in the back of mind saying, "Because you're Asian, you're at a dating disadvantage. You don't belong. Give up." I know that's not true, but this mental barrier can be rather demotivating, while trying to stay strong. I'm digressing, but I think you're a really good role model for young Asian-American males like me.

I really like Asian men!!!!

I'm a asian man and im no dork I'm muscular and i walk with confidence.

*This is heavy, but it's a step forward. The first step I've seen since John Cho, but certainly not since Quasimodo or Ken Jeong. Keep going.*

thx dude u speak out

Good speech Kevin

4:09 and 4:50 Now, you are against rejecting Asian women for their race, the same way they reject us, and only date white women, because you're past it, but you fail to notice it was important for your development. To my Asian brothers: if you feel you need to reject Asian women to get back at them, do it. They are doing it to us, it's just getting back at them. If you feel you need to do it, it's because you probably need to do it. Maybe in the future you'll look back and don't like what you did, like Kevin does. But it was necessary for your development. The "future you" isn't the "present you". If you think it isn't fair to Asian women, don't worry. Their lives are easy.

Thank you, Kevin. This is way better than bling empire

My husband is Asian and he's so amazing. I'm Polish. I'm very much into Asian guys. They're great men.

11:53 difference between blaming others and holding people accountable

Tbh I only know Kevin from bling empire. This was so inspiring! 🤠

Who's here after Bling Empire?