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Reframing perfectionism - the vital need for change | Julian Reeve | TEDxSantaBarbara 

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NOTE FROM TED: While some viewers might find this talk to be helpful as a complementary approach, this talk only represents the speaker’s personal understanding of and experiences with perfectionism and depression. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Outdated methods to manage our perfectionism are failing us. Julian Reeve introduces an alternative approach that inspires us to reset, and realize our potential in healthier ways with no compromise to the standards we hold. Critically acclaimed for his work on the Broadway smash-hit musical HAMILTON, Julian is a committed advocate of moral leadership. Born and educated in Cambridge, England, he has toured the world with over twenty-five theatrical productions, whilst remaining dedicated to his work as an educator in the U.S, Europe and Japan. A keen Entrepreneur, he has founded three successful companies in the creative sector, and lives with his wife, Lisa, in Los Angeles, California. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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2 фев 2020

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Комментарии : 116   
@Jezek2202
@Jezek2202 5 месяцев назад
My perfectionism is so bad I just searched RU-vid for the past 30 minutes looking for the perfect video to overcome perfectionism.
@Islamaroma1919
@Islamaroma1919 2 месяца назад
I did the same 😂
@prabhatranjansrivastava4173
@prabhatranjansrivastava4173 Месяц назад
I did the same
@heloisa2002
@heloisa2002 Месяц назад
Same 🗣️🔥
@joslynhughes5658
@joslynhughes5658 7 дней назад
Yesss helllpppp me!!!! Hahaha
@geoffdeeprose9469
@geoffdeeprose9469 10 месяцев назад
I'm glad someone is finally shedding light on the negative aspects of perfectionism. It's not all glamorous and high achievements. The constant self-criticism and never feeling good enough can be so draining. Self-compassion sounds like a much-needed antidote.
@jaycelrellon7397
@jaycelrellon7397 4 месяца назад
thank you for this ❤ I am perfectionist by nature since I was a kid and I realized that it's no longer helping me as a whole. I am ungrateful of small blessings, I am not contented of my self, I have vices because I get stressed when I can't make it perfect, I procrastinate before I want everything to be flawless. But now, I want to come out in my cocoon. Always praying to God to guide me on this.
@2ndchanceisthebestchance
@2ndchanceisthebestchance Год назад
The take home message for me was the correlation between perfectionism and depression because how can something be perfect?
@carolyn-anderson
@carolyn-anderson 11 месяцев назад
I've struggled with perfectionism for as long as I can remember, and it's taken a toll on my mental health. Hearing this talk about self-compassion gives me hope. Maybe there's a way to find balance and still strive for excellence without tearing myself apart.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 9 месяцев назад
You've got this, Carolyn!
@jujurocker
@jujurocker Год назад
The only thing worse than something "imperfect" is something that doesn't exist. Don't stop yourself from creating something out of the fear that you won't be able to make it perfect.
@ummismail20
@ummismail20 6 дней назад
Great comment and angle; thank you for sharing.
@RavishingDamsel
@RavishingDamsel Год назад
The story of Captain Perfection provides a valuable lesson about the importance of self-compassion in our pursuit of excellence. It's a reminder that we should celebrate our progress and prioritize our mental health along the way
@prithvishetty6938
@prithvishetty6938 Месяц назад
Thank you Juilan for this wonderful lesson, it made me understand more about myself and now i am feeling good
@makeitso1017
@makeitso1017 Год назад
I've always felt that striving for perfection is useless, unless the thing you're creating is something deeply personal that only you can experience. Everyone has a different perspective which makes for a lot of interpretations on what 'perfect' is, so, the less people perceiving it the higher the chances of it staying 'perfect' in your mind. I think the limitations of this speak for themselves.
@gaiasardoni
@gaiasardoni Год назад
I can't imagine the pressure you would be putting on yourself in thinking that 25 years of your professional life had all been leading to one precise moment.
@olgasladekova
@olgasladekova Год назад
I once heard that all the good things in life come from the imperfections that break down our expectations - staying open to possibilities even when we are faced with our own short comings and accepting them as such is really a magical thing.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Lovely thoughts, Olga!
@zionwashington3rd
@zionwashington3rd Год назад
This is a really amazing perspective
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
@@zionwashington3rd Thank you, Zion. Happy it resonated for you
@sneakerbabeful
@sneakerbabeful 5 месяцев назад
This statement doesn't mean anything.
@jessiesangster
@jessiesangster Год назад
I appreciate Julian sharing his personal journey with perfectionism.... It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this struggle. Finding a way to manage perfectionism without sacrificing my mental health is something I'll be actively working on as well.
@neko-chan8219
@neko-chan8219 Год назад
As an artist, I can relate to the pursuit of perfection and the pressure it can create. The presentation offers a valuable perspective on embracing self-compassion and celebrating our achievements rather than constantly striving for an unattainable ideal
@hamlinr
@hamlinr Год назад
So many people truly struggle with self-compassion. It is so engrained in Western cultures that to achieve greatness there is a standard in which you have to operate by and more often than not, the only standard that is known is the one portrayed in the media and that can only really been equated to perfection. I think Julian has created a really easy way to counteract the conditioning that's holding us back.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
I appreciate the thoughts here. Thank you
@blueangel7998
@blueangel7998 Год назад
Yes! I am currently reading Peter Walker's book about CPTSD and Dr. Nicole LePerra's books and I swear everything comes back to growing up in fear and feeling like one needed to obtain a certain status to be worthy of love, to be accepted.... I also love the idea of "reparenting" your inner child to help let go of perfectionist ideals that do not serve anyone but in fact end up being detrimental to our growth, ability to flourish and discover our vast potential. Thank you Julian for this beautiful talk and very simple ways to practice self compassion.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Thank you! Happy it resonated, and completely agreed about fear
@alexdenns
@alexdenns Год назад
I like the sound of adaptive perfectionism. It makes a lot of sense, as with most things in life everything can be used positively as well as negatively.
@dr.timwalls
@dr.timwalls Год назад
Captain Perfection and Dr. Kindness make quite the superhero duo! It's refreshing to see self-compassion presented as a superpower that can help manage perfectionism. Maybe we all need a little more self-compassion in our lives!
@hudson-crawford
@hudson-crawford Год назад
Learning how to do things for the sake of doing them and not caring about how 'perfect' they are or if I even finish them has been one of the greatest challenges of my twenties. But Julian is right here, perfection doesn't exist outside of our mind and expectations
@sneakerbabeful
@sneakerbabeful 5 месяцев назад
So your bosses dont care about the quality of your work?
@TheBestCuddleBug
@TheBestCuddleBug 10 месяцев назад
I understand the concept of self-compassion, but it's easier said than done. How do you change the inner dialogue that's been ingrained in your mind for years? I wish there were more practical tips on how to implement self-compassion in daily life.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 7 месяцев назад
Humans have incredible capacity to be compassionate to others. Start building self-compassion by using some of the language with yourself that you would do with others in that situation. Visualization and mindfulness are really powerful tools for inner dialogue, too
@thehammygnow
@thehammygnow Год назад
Thanks Julian. I'm off to meet Dr Kindness so he can introduce me to self compassion. I'm hoping it will be a productive friendship.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Amazing! Let me know how you get on!
@andrealfifi
@andrealfifi Год назад
Imagine being in a crowd that screams so loud the building shakes! That's some serious excitement for Hamilton. I can feel the energy just watching this! Wish I was there!
@stratulatlucian8064
@stratulatlucian8064 Год назад
The part about getting the right encouragement to understand our perfectionism early in our lives really resonated with me. If someone had framed all of this in the way he just did I might not have been too scared to do anything out of the fair of never getting it 'right'
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
I hope you've managed to overcome some of those fears now?
@quinnsantiago
@quinnsantiago 11 месяцев назад
I've always associated perfectionism with high standards and success. It's hard to imagine a life without it. But hearing about the negative aspects of perfectionism and the benefits of self-compassion makes me question if there's a better way.
@I-Am-june-day
@I-Am-june-day Год назад
What a feat to work for eight months with a repetitive strain injury. The dedication to his job is unbelievable.
@vivianacorinacabarcaherrera
"To Err is Human" It is 2023 and this quote was written 323 years ago. If we could be kind to ourselves for our mistakes and in turn kind to others for theirs, we might actually have an opportunity to minimise the amount of suffering the human race continues to endure.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Amen to that!
@hinicetrygoodbye
@hinicetrygoodbye Год назад
That's why there's no such thing as mistakes - just happy accidents! Thank you Bob Ross for giving me that perspective
@shaquille.oatmeal9576
@shaquille.oatmeal9576 11 месяцев назад
Self-compassion sounds like a cop-out to me. If you want to achieve greatness, you have to push yourself and strive for perfection. Embracing mistakes and failures just seems like an excuse for laziness and lack of ambition.
@rossking8534
@rossking8534 4 года назад
Brilliant job Jules! Very inspiring.
@ianvantreight1615
@ianvantreight1615 Год назад
This is really interesting to think about because what's perfect to one person may not be perfect to another. Everyone has a different interpretation of literally everything based on our own perspectives so I guess what I'm getting at is only you can know how perfect something actually is!
@soniabeldom5993
@soniabeldom5993 4 года назад
This is such a great space for you to be in Jules. Really great.
@yannicarliso
@yannicarliso Год назад
Really needed to see this today, thanks Julian...
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Happy it resonated, Yanni!
@_natraj_
@_natraj_ 2 года назад
Amazing, powerful talk. Close to perfection:) Thank you!
@sallybonneywell4767
@sallybonneywell4767 3 года назад
Excellent talk about perfectionism - thank you!
@pitiamarino2164
@pitiamarino2164 4 месяца назад
Life changing
@YourJourneyGuided
@YourJourneyGuided 3 года назад
Great talk, Julian. We need to give ourselves some space and flexibility to figure things out. Thank you
@MyOwnBookpad
@MyOwnBookpad Год назад
Julian makes some really interesting points about the way even the concept of perfectionism has changed and I appreciate his perspective ❤❤
@tubularvideos
@tubularvideos Год назад
Captain Perfection battling his eviI twin, Maladaptive Perfectionism, sounds like a superhero movie plot. But in all seriousness, it's fascinating to see how self-compassion can be a game-changer in managing the negative aspects of perfectionism.
@phyllishack
@phyllishack Год назад
Thank you for the reframe Julian! I'd never even thought about "the management of perfectionism" or how I could use my perfectionism in a positive way.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Glad it resonated!
@thomashurbert
@thomashurbert 11 месяцев назад
Wow, what an incredible experience! The dedication and passion of the music director and conductor is evident. It's a shame they had to quit due to injury, but it's inspiring to see them embrace the pursuit of perfection in their art.
@rebeccalafortune3317
@rebeccalafortune3317 2 года назад
this is awesome. love the talk, the imagery, the story, the creativity. Nicely done.
@VictoriaTheodore
@VictoriaTheodore 8 месяцев назад
This is beautiful and resonated quite deeply for me. Thank you 🙏🏽
@deluxe_vegan1390
@deluxe_vegan1390 11 месяцев назад
I came across a term a little while ago "soft discipline" and I really liked this as a way of softening the standards in which I set for myself, and becoming kinder and more compassionate with myself when I don't quite hit the mark the way I expected. Great talk Julian, thank you!
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 9 месяцев назад
I LOVE the idea of 'soft discipline'!
@thomasmthomson
@thomasmthomson Год назад
great advice here. I will try to take it to heart!
@Oaktreealley
@Oaktreealley 8 месяцев назад
I have such strong feelings and beliefs about never being good enough that stem from literally my parents telling me as much. Or saying that i wasn’t smart enough and all the rest. That description of his physical reaction and anxiety to conducting/performing/being on the spot was so relatable. And i only play music for my teacher right now. 😭 But i realize how this insidious characteristic has help me back in so many ways. Feels like I’ve wasted so much of my life out of fear.
@Oaktreealley
@Oaktreealley 8 месяцев назад
*held me back
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 7 месяцев назад
Congrats on recognizing that fear has been a driver for you! I understand that it's tempting to look back and have regrets, but everything you do from this point forward can be with that newly found knowledge in mind. We're not who we've been told we are, and we have the option to change at any moment. Good luck!
@blinkineck
@blinkineck 3 года назад
That was excellent Jules, well scripted, well spoken and well presented...food for thought.
@johnichie6130
@johnichie6130 2 месяца назад
Great speech and really helpful
@FineSinEgo
@FineSinEgo Год назад
What a very important point about the rise of perfectionism in society and its impact on mental health. It's intriguing to consider the different forms of perfectionism, adaptive and maladaptive, and how they can affect individuals in various ways.
@charlotte-may9193
@charlotte-may9193 Год назад
True that perfection doesn't exist! I'm reminded of the most recent Tame Impala album- he spent years trying to get the mix perfect but once it came out it was so 'perfect' I thought it was kind of dull. Easy to forget people will always find subjective reasons not to like things and no amount of 'perfection' will prevent that.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Yes!
@glennhamilton3rd
@glennhamilton3rd Год назад
I used to think perfectionism was the key to success, but it's taken a toll on my mental health. The idea of self-compassion intrigues me. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate my approach and find a healthier balance.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 9 месяцев назад
Wishing you all the best!
@miguelgarces7685
@miguelgarces7685 Год назад
Oh man what he talks about around the 6:00 mark is no joke. It's unbelievable how out of hand that sort of stuff can actually get
@zionwashington3rd
@zionwashington3rd Год назад
Whenever I have to do something that I know will be judged by other people I remind myself that they don't know what the vision I had in mind was, so they won't know whether or not it's perfect.
@jujurocker
@jujurocker Год назад
Lol that's a really great approach
@MarcoPolo-uh4pn
@MarcoPolo-uh4pn Год назад
This is a great talk Julian thank you for the advice.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Thank you!
@schellecandar
@schellecandar Год назад
What he says around the 3:45 mark about how/why we're unable to meet that call to perfectionism based on the tools we have really struck a cord with me.
@alisonjanicewhite
@alisonjanicewhite Год назад
Oh wow, the pain he describes at the start must have been so difficult to live with. I can't imagine being in a situation where you just had to push yourself through that amount of pain.
@MyOwnBookpad
@MyOwnBookpad Год назад
It is awful. I have chronic bursitis and there's is literally no telling when it might flare up/when you'll just have to 'push through'
@iainmclaughlan1557
@iainmclaughlan1557 10 месяцев назад
That is so helpful. Thank you. Just need to think of self compassion
@lumwong7237
@lumwong7237 8 месяцев назад
This is a great video❤ I have perfectionism and I just dunno how to make myself feel better. Though this video is not very long, Julian did illustrate our symptoms perfectly😊 add oil everyone ❤
@charlieonno
@charlieonno Год назад
I have used perfectionism as an excuse to hide my fear of trying something me. I can't skate because I don't know how to do it properly.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Sorry to hear that, Charlie. I’m guessing you’d love to be able to skate? Perhaps consider what’s worse: the fact that you can’t skate at all, or the fact that you wouldn’t be perfect at it on the first try. Then remember that EVERYONE screws up when they are doing something new, and there’s no shame in that. It’s part of the process of learning
@yannicarliso
@yannicarliso Год назад
thanks for sending me this link!
@lizzaleleflame9967
@lizzaleleflame9967 Год назад
I think perfectionism is only harmful when we're constantly readjusting what the final product looks like to the point where we can never reach completion. Like an artist just painting without a clear image in mind of the finished product, constantly adding adding adding until it's "just right" but then adding the wrong thing so it's _never_ going to be right and you have to start all over again. That's unhealthy. But if you have a vision in mind and work towards creating it and allow yourself to acknowledge when it's finished - and perfect, then I don't think there's anything unhealthy with that.
@wuyattakeita3883
@wuyattakeita3883 Год назад
I remember being so paralyzed by my perfectionism that I couldn't even be satisfied with drawing a picture of a house because I couldn't get the door right.
@ElegantEye
@ElegantEye 10 месяцев назад
rewiring to reframe the brain. we all gotta do it at some point.
@DanielKepelMusic
@DanielKepelMusic 4 года назад
Really nice job Jules!
@coopercrank
@coopercrank Год назад
I didn't know perfectionism was a thing that could be measured alongside depression within a study?
@nelwashington
@nelwashington 11 месяцев назад
I never realized that perfectionism could lead to physical ailments like repetitive strain injury. That's eye-opening. It's important to find ways to manage our perfectionistic tendencies before they take a toll on our health and well-being.
@maurice_chavez5550
@maurice_chavez5550 Месяц назад
why is excellence bad? what is excellence as referred to in this talk?
@jimwebbjr
@jimwebbjr 10 месяцев назад
I don't understand why we have to label everything. Perfectionism, self-compassion, maladaptive, adaptive... It's all just overthinking. Let's keep it simple and focus on doing our best.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 7 месяцев назад
I'm not sure I agree, Jim. I agree that a LOT of overthinking surrounds perfectionism, but it's not the root cause. At it's core, perfectionism reflects self-worth
@jessTcarter
@jessTcarter Год назад
This is another example of how damaging it is to have monetized art forms IMO because it stops us from creating just for the sake of things, to the point where people stop pursuing their passions because it isn't encouraged based on how difficult it is to make money from.
@ramonabest
@ramonabest Год назад
this is what made me realize I didnt want to be a professional musician. would rather be a hobbyist and not have to put the pressure on myself, even if it means having less time to do it
@acciaisardino3470
@acciaisardino3470 Год назад
repetitive strain is no joke!
@bethdanskin
@bethdanskin Год назад
Perfectionism is something I struggle with constantly. my ADHD does not help!
@bradcouper
@bradcouper Год назад
im still not sure if ADHD is real. like it just sounds normal to me idk
@joakimrasmusson3320
@joakimrasmusson3320 3 года назад
Not quite my tempo...
@DwayneAlistair
@DwayneAlistair 2 года назад
you savage...hilarious
@fonzellevon
@fonzellevon Год назад
Sadly I am terrible at taking Dr. Kindness' advice
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
The first step with self-compassion is recognizing that you don’t access it very often. You’ve taken that first step! Start making notes every time you are hard on yourself, and start recognizing the tiggers. Then you can talk to Dr Kindness and create some new language :)
@precioussegoe8481
@precioussegoe8481 Год назад
@@julianreeve hi, will you be posting more videos on your own channel? I clicked to see if you had other ones 😊
@dizzeedean
@dizzeedean 11 месяцев назад
I don't really buy into this whole self-compassion thing. Perfectionism is what drives me to be the best, and I don't want to settle for anything less. Lowering the standards and embracing excellence just feels like mediocrity to me.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve 7 месяцев назад
This talk doesn't suggest lowering standards or embracing excellence. Quite the opposite in fact
@Therealspence
@Therealspence Год назад
Big laugh at 5:00 minute mark. "Perfectionist hate the word excellence. it's like sending us out to win a bronze medal at the Olympics.
@julianreeve
@julianreeve Год назад
Ha! It's true though, right?!
@IgnorantSeeker
@IgnorantSeeker 9 месяцев назад
That’s incredible simplistic and a bit demeaning to be talked to like this. Yes self-compassion is probably right on the money, but this whole thing is not just a personality trait and can’t be done away by ‘talking compassionately to oneself’. I’m sorry but however wonderful a music conductor is, he’s not automatically qualified to talk about this because all his authority comes from “if you follow my advice, you might be successful like me”, which does not work like that. Please anyone watching don’t think this is what self-compassion is about and what psychology offers.
@ho_o_n_e_y__b_u_n
@ho_o_n_e_y__b_u_n Год назад
tell that to the super insecure people who think its actually obtainable and are willing to walk over any one or anything to become it.
@cedricsae
@cedricsae 7 месяцев назад
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🎯 *Perfectionisme heeft een donkere kant die vaak over het hoofd wordt gezien.* 02:01 🪞 *Verwaarlozing van zelfzorg kan voortkomen uit het constant zorgen voor anderen.* 04:28 🧘‍♀️ *Ongezond perfectionisme kan leiden tot stress, uitputting en zelfs burn-out of depressie.* 06:57 🕰️ *Ongezond perfectionisme kan langzaam je innerlijke zelf verslechteren.* 07:37 🎯 *Transformeren van ongezond naar gezond perfectionisme omvat zelfacceptatie en zelfzorg.* 08:45 💡 *Het aanleren van een positievere benadering kan leiden tot meer voldoening en motivatie.* 10:13 🌟 *Bewustwording van de kenmerken en gevolgen van ongezond perfectionisme is cruciaal.* 10:57 💪 *Het is mogelijk om perspectieven te veranderen en te trainen om positiever te kijken naar eigen prestaties.* Made with HARPA AI
@christy-mercurio
@christy-mercurio Год назад
It is really unfortunate that the drive for perfectionism is accompanied by that harsh inner critic voice he talks about. Why can't we just be kinder to ourselves?
@SingularDesire
@SingularDesire 11 месяцев назад
This talk completely misses the point. Perfectionism is what separates the best from the rest. Embracing excellence might be settling for less than what we're capable of. I'm proud to be a perfectionist, and I won't apologize for it.
@Sussana13
@Sussana13 6 дней назад
Why screaming so much
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