Something I keep repeating to myself over and over again is that THERE IS NOTHING BAD OR WRONG ABOUT ME. I am an alcoholic battling a dangerous and progressive disease. I am doing the best I can and there is a way out. Many have found there way to long term sobriety and as scared and overwhelmed as I can feel some times I know there is hope. At the same time I have to stay acutely aware of how dangerous it is for me to stay active in my addiction, especially considering my impulsive tendencies to drive while under the influence. I am an immediate danger to myself and others and getting sober is life or death. That's why rehab is happening no matter what if I drink again. Stay brave if you are in a similar fight.
bignoknow rehab was such a blessing for me and oddly it was so much fun! I hope you have a similar experience. Take this time to take care of you and figure out why this keeps coming back. Thank you for your honesty and openness and your willingness to save your own life ♥️
hey brother, better to go to rehab now and get the necessary help you need then after god forbid a DUI or worse. A DUI tore my life apart and broke me to pieces before I had to get myself on an upward trajectory. God bless ya bro. Something I have to remind myself; Every day sober is a better day, and you are not a bad person when you drink and get set back.
Hey Noah, could it be possible that you are suffering from ADHD? This is a very common disease (5-7 % of the population) which often is connected with substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, binge eating...) and sensation seeking behavior. I am also suffering from it (and almost my whole family on my mother's side, so that the family gatherings are very funny every time 😉) and went through several major depressions. Being diagnosed of ADHD quite recently helped me a lot to understand much better why my struggle of life always is so exhausting and leads to depressions. Some people benefit from taking some medicine like Methylphenidat, but not me. Much better for me is to recognize when and how I lose energy because of my impulsive behavior and to look for ways to handle my impulses in a better way, that means to get more control over it, so that there is a lower risk for feeling exhausted and depressive and for eating and drinking more than it's good for me. But on the other side, people with ADHD are enthusiastic and often very creative. I wish you and your wonderful heartwarming big family the very very best! Uta from Germany (therefore the yery long sentences in a bad english, I beg your pardon! 😁)
Praying for you! Freedom in the name of JESUS!! Dont listen to the devil he's a lie. He comes here to steal kill and destroy. Hes the father of lies. Pray and cast all your cares on jesus. Hes the only one that can set you free. Listen to bethel: jen johnson music and hear her husbands testimony. Your not alone and God aka Jesus is closest to the broken hearted. Pray, pray,pray. Really ask god for guidance. Dont beat yourself up. God turns everything thats bad into good. Your journeys and testimonials can save someones life. Keep your head up. 🙏🙌💪🙏
I am not a medical professional so take this with that in mind. I think you should go to treatment now, not when/if you drink again. You have some footing now, I would think it would be better to continue building on your current sobriety rather than wait until you fall back into bad habits. I have spent many hours watching and learning from you, and on my end we have a connection that I know you are not aware of, but it hurts me to see you going through this. I have been witness to this before and I have had my own issues with other things in the past so I understand how this is. I have been where you are, I have the unfortunate ability to relate like most people cannot. Even though we do not know one another I want you to succeed, I want you to find peace and contentment. I hope that things work out for you, and know that many of us truly wish you the best. Take it one day at a time my friend. Oh, and thanks for the mixed berry dessert recipe, that stuff is real damn good.
I’m sending you love and strength! This is a happy moment because you are taking action toward your intention to seek life and good health. The temporary inconvenience of rehab is the path that you need right now in order to get to your best self. Thank you for sharing glimpses of your best self with all of us. I look forward to seeing more of him in the near future. I’m rooting for you! ♥️
This is the first time I’ve seen your channel, so my question might be answered in the next video of yours I watch. What is lying underneath your addiction? Drugs and alcohol are a problem for many of us, but they are not the main problem. They are a symptom of a larger problem - untreated mental illness, trauma that we haven’t dealt with, unhealthy shame, am inability to be alone with ourselves and actually sit still, etc. Whatever that is - you need to focus on it because resolving that issue or at least working on it is the only way to maintain sobriety. I just lost my best friend in August from an overdose. He was a poly-drug user, but he also kept trying to make AA work but couldn’t. He constantly went in and out of sobriety. Based on a few conversations we had during his lowest point, I think he thought the program would work itself & his friends in AA would be enough to keep him straight. I miss him so damn much. There are other options aside from AA, and I’m not saying that AA is trash by any means. AA just might not be enough of what you need right now. There are other great abstinence-based options like SMART Recovery or Refuge Recovery. Why didn’t you go to treatment instead of making this video? If you’re struggling that much, you need to just accept it and get help. You’re half asking for it, and it’s never going to feel good or be something that you 100% want to do. Getting sober is uncomfortable & sucks, but you’re hurting more than yourself by not going - addiction affects an addict’s whole family & innermost social circle. You need to relinquish whatever power or sense of control you think you have over life. You can’t do this on your own, but that’s okay!!! It’s okay to not have your shirt together right now, and ITS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP!!! It‘s not okay to pretend like you’ll figure it out one day because nothing changes if nothing changes. What you’ve been doing isn’t working, so pick yourself up & dust yourself off then try something new. And dude, we get a do-over every morning we wake up. Please don’t let them all pass you by before you realize this. Side note - it is awesome to find someone with such a large audience talking about addiction & all of the ugliness that comes with it. Take some time to get yourself right so you can come back & share the beauty of recovery.
I've been there and worse.... much worse, if you had half the idea you wouldn't believe it. 2 beautiful daughters to her.... lost her and my kids to another guy because I was an asshole x
Noah, You got me started on my quest for health with TRT 2 years ago. I have lost almost 100 lbs and physically I feel incredible. That being said, you struck a huge nerve. I have been drinking nearly daily for 24 years. I divorced after 18 years of marriage last January. I met the love of my life and my best friend. We are engaged to be married, but my ways of drinking daily have been taxing on our relationship and she began disconnecting months ago. Ive had several stormy nights due to my drinking, and am blessed that she loves me and wants me to get better. I on my third day sober at this point and feel horrible. I do know one thing... I am not going to lose the most amazing, loving, understanding woman I have ever met to alcohol. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but its time. Do whatever it takes. Save yourself brother, and everything that is important to you. Thank you for sharing your story. Know others are suffering just the same but we will get through this. Its painful to hear the pain in your words because it is my pain at the moment as well. Be strong. Oh, and last night I went to the store, and didnt buy alcohol. It was difficult, and it hurt me to see the distrust in my womans eyes wondering what choices I would make. Just dog food bro... felt good.
Brother you just read my life story. Married 16 years, drank towards the end to escape the pain of her cheating on me and the eventual divorce, and then kept right on drinking after that. Met the most amazing woman following my divorce and struggled to not destroy that relationship because of alcohol. Luckily, she believed in me more than I believed in myself and didn’t leave. Addictive behavior is something that occurs when we remove the trigger that caused it to begin with, yet will still continue the bad behavior anyway. You can do it hoss. Don’t make her feel alone while being in a relationship with you. It’s not fair to someone as amazing and beautiful as I’m sure she is.
As a fellow coach...I'm glad you have CrossFit. I'm glad you have a place to put some of that frustration. I've watched you coach, command and help others perform better - that's takes great energy...and for all the current challenges you have, you are still putting an "all in" approach to something that requires so much of you to be available to others. You have so much character in you brother - so much honesty - so much in you. I'm really proud of you for honesty, courage and empowerment you give others. You have many in your corner. Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. When nothing is certain, anything is possible. I keep my hand at your back when I am there...I keep an invisible one there when I'm not. One. Step. At. A. Time. Love ya brother.
Gregory Casey love you too Greg. Thanks for being in my corner and so thoughtful. Grateful to be your friend. Your leadership means allot. See you tonight for 20.5!
@bignoknow Noah you are a fighter! Keep fighting you've accepted you are powerless over your drug of choice oh, now it is time to regain that power. You are doing all the necessary steps to get sober again you will be successful!
Hello Noah, it's me Dale again. My doctor initially had me on testopel I would not suggest anyone use pellets. My total testosterone was as high as 720 while using testopel but quickly became systemic after two weeks of my procedure
Stay strong, Noah. It's time to do the right thing. 'The longer you run, the weaker you become' I think you could resonate with that quote so much right now. Let's stop running brother.
You have inspired me with fighting anxiety, fighting depression, panic attacks, and I hope that you will be fine and you will win this harsh battle. Thanks a lot.
Noah I am truly sorry that you are going thru this. Never give up hope, you are able to overcome this. You got thru mental illness, you can make it thru this my friend. Keep on fighting to get sober, one day at a time.
Very powerful video. Thank you for your honesty. I have followed you on RU-vid and I just want to say that you are an awesome, talented and kind person. It hurts me to see you go through this, but I think you are making the best choice for you and your family. Your videos have helped me and inspired me so much in the past. I can tell by the comments here that you have a lot of friends (via social media) who care about you. Rooting for you and looking forward to seeing you come out from the other side in a better place. Please take care, Noah.
The broken man is a very powerful archetype... I think you need a different approach, you can't be battered into sobriety, but you can understand the subconscious motivations at play. Your mind is a battlefield.
Hey, I made an account just to comment here because I saw your video about obsessive thoughts and rumination and I can't tell you how much it's helped me. You're literally a hero. Then I saw this that you're going through a tough time. I don't have any advice to give you but I just need you to know how important your help has been to me, and i'm sure to many others. You're awesome, don't forget it!
You're a warrior at heart brother! Let your Warrior spirit be part of the fight along side of you!!! You have the power!!! I have the power!!! Don't give your power away!!!!
Noah, was emotional to watch because I feel every bit of that pain. I went into treatment in April for 3 months and just being pulled from society to just focus and reengage with internal demons and have a foundation to start from was so needed, maybe time away from everyday life to just focus would help. Whatever happens , this channel will remain loyal and supportive. Thank you Noah for what you've done for my recovery ...you deserve life brother and one with sunshine ...god is with you brother ..he will never walk away from you as you never walked away from us your community . Love from UK
You have so much courage. I know you will get thru this whatever it takes. My prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself and know that we all love and support you, and will always be here for you. 💖
I pray this is the help that changes your life. Sometimes it takes multiple times of getting help for one to find what works for them. Doesn't make you weak. Keep your faith close to God. Reach out for help as much as you need. People care. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers for strength, understanding, hope, and recovery. God bless you Noah.
THANK YOU Noah for sharing your experiences, fears, concerns, motivations, positive and negative things overall. It takes a a STRONG **SPIRIT** to communicate these things, and you are that. You are helping A LOT of people as so many ppl struggle with the exact things you're going through but don't talk about it. This is healing.
I love you, Noah. Your story will help so many. Relapse is a part of most of our stories. The Doctor's Opinion suggests hospitalization and sometimes it's necessary, many times it's necessary. You're so beautiful for sharing this on a public forum. We all want you alive. You're so brave.
Dude, go to treatment. Don’t use treatment as a “last resort”. That gives you an excuse to drink again. Hell you might as well get trashed and go to treatment tomorrow. Forget this channel, your job, your wife etc. none of it matters if you don’t sober up anyway. Surrender to win!
My method to quit (had the same problem. 1) learn as much as you possibly can about alcohol and addictions. But I mean study it like a scientist would, with all variables, what it is, what it does, the psychology of it, the different perspectives on how to cure adiction, reading books and watching good videos about it etc. 2) You must absolutely have a non-emotional view of alcohol and of your behavior, observe yourself without judging. If you follow the 12 step program, for me it’s a clear indication you still have a biased belief about alcohol 3) the hardest part for now is getting clean, out of the grip of alcohol. All your thoughts of despair are now a result of the chemical effect of alcohol (depression, tiredness, anxiety etc.) they are not who you are, i know what it is to be stuck in the loop over and over gain. 4) if the tough of never drinking again scares you deep within, you still have wrong beliefs about alcohol, study and learn more about it. Dissect alcoholism like a problem that will lose its magical charm. 5) all you are living right now is teaching you great lessons in life and you are making progress right now in the right direction 6) The ideal state you much reach regarding alcohol is boredom. You get bored of it. You’ve been in the loop several times, went over again and again, you’ve seen it and explored it. Time to turn the page 7) sometimes we get addicted to solving the problem, i know I was addicted to that: struggling to overcome alcohol was a part of my identity, and to turn the page meant I didn’t know who I was no more because i didn’t had the problem that defined me. So you need to pick a new persona like you pick a new house or country. And move into that. Even if you fake it till you make it. 8) I’m absolutely sure you will make it and so will I. I just hope you don’t have to suffer more and wait for a disaster to be motivated. Good luck and I wish you all the best and to anyone struggling with this terrible problem
We are here for you & your recovery-please know it!! U are awesome, & really battling a life threatening disease! Please don’t give in! Honesty does lead to hope & peace! Hang in there-It’s only u that can make the call on inpatient treatment. Ur AWESOME, don’t ever forget that!!
Noah, you have given so much inspiration to thousands regarding their mood disorders/addictions....I just want to give back to you some love and inspiration. You can do this! I admire you...stay brave!
Continue to Fight every day for control of your life. No matter how many times life knocks you down, dont ever give up on yourself. Keep looking forward to a positive future. Some of us are fighting demons that many others dont understand...it is a daily struggle.. and some days it may seem like there is no light at the end of the long dark tunnel... but there is. I have overcome an addiction myself, and I never thought I was strong enough to control it. But I was, and you are to. You have to make yourself believe it. You are strong, you deserve to be happy, you can overcome this.
I’m on the same path, man. I can’t even put into words just how similar i feel and how similar our situations seem to be. I too have a very hard time keeping myself from driving drunk. I just recently fucked up real bad. I’m thankful the cops that found me didn’t punish me. I’m definitely thankful for the 2 - 3 people i have in my life. I’d be dead otherwise. I’m also thankful for you and all the other folk in this comment section who are going thru or have been thru the similar. I love you guys. I too am in a relationship with my fiancé and , wow, am I grateful for him for not giving up on me and ditching me for good. You’re pretty incredible for sharing your life with so many people. We’re in this together. Love you dude
Noah you are living my worst nightmare and by showing your struggle to the world, you make me stronger. Even if you are weak to yourself, you are strong to millions of us. Thank you brother.
Noah, I am speaking as a fellow alcoholic who used to choose to drive while under the influence.. I am here for you. And have been, since I discovered your videos to help myself reach sobriety. You helped me feel not alone. Something that helped me immensely was.. Realizing that I was using alcohol to survive. That alcohol wasn’t the problem, the problem was that I was in unresolved pain. I chose to look back into my childhood. To gain awareness of why I felt loneliness, to discover why I self-sabotage, to understand why I craved closeness... I hope you continue to look deeper
Thats crazy, I was watching you 4 years ago when I got sober, you were a huge help and I thought about you and your videos every now and then. Happens to the best of us, its not like the previous years dont count...good luck :)
Just wanna say thank you and I hope you can find a moment of happiness and joy this Christmas. I have watched a couple of your videos and they have helped me with more positive thinking. I'm only 22, but I overthink about the worst things that are out of my control. You have helped me lots just after 2 videos. Merry Christmas and thanks again.
One of the few things I haven’t gone through is alcoholism, but I know the harm self-hatred and disappointment bring. For me, I’ve always struggled with believing that I’m good enough for anyone or any effort toward saving myself. You seem like a very good person, now decide if you believe are worth saving, because even if all of us know that you are, you really have to believe it yourself. All the best to you!
You got this, Noah. I know the feeling of hopelessness all too well. In the same boat as you really. Do you and do what you think will help you. Take it easy, man.
You definitely have my support in going to treatment. My sister passed away this past June 15th from complications of alcoholism. She had 11 years of sobriety and less than a year drinking again. I'm scared for you and your family. Hugs and prayers to you. Addiction is such s monster. You are worth saving.
Noah, you’re on the right path. Keep in mind that toxic shame is poisonous. You have made mistakes; you are not a mistake. You are worth fighting for. While you still have breath in you, there is hope for you. I appreciate what you said about still be deserving of help no matter how many times you make mistakes. I am a compulsive overeater and tipped the scales at well over 300 pounds. I’ve lost weight more times that I can count. I’ve been a size 10 and a size 22. I’m nowhere near my heaviest right now but I have regained weight and fallen back into old habits which terrifies me. Some days I feel like I’m destined to spin on this wheel for the rest of my life in complete anguish while fighting this demon of mine. I’m not giving up though. We CAN do this and we are not our addictions. There is so much more to us than this. Keep having compassion for yourself- you’re a good, honest, self aware person. Just for today, let’s do the best we can. Hugs to you 🙌
Stay as strong as you can Noah. At least you are aware of the severity and your need for help. I wish you the best in this. I am currently in a Dual Program at the same hospital that I completed a partial hospitalization program in. This one is an outpatient program 3 hours a day for 5 days a week for 8 weeks. They work with you on your addiction alongside your mental illness. I just finished week one. I sincerely hope you are able to get through this and find some relief. 💕
People say I'm antisocial as I don't drink or go to parties but that's because my dad is an alcoholic and I had a terrible childhood. It made me decide when I was really young that I'd never ever drink. I'm 29 now and still a non drinker. I don't think I ever will. Stay strong Noah. Take care.
Noah......do whatever you need to do to get better. You are not hopeless. And crying is good. Its cleansing. I am sure your best friend would rather have you seeking help than getting worse. Maybe you should cry more. It's not fair to you to hold everything in. Make your best friend part of your rehab. And figure out what triggered you.....because something did. And she knows you love her. Dont assume what she is thinking..... We love you too.
You are such, such a beautiful and kind person who has helped so many people! I hope and pray for your health and overcoming your demons. I am greatly struggling myself, not with drugs, but a crippling mental condition. You deserve to get better, just like me. We are worth it. It's not our fault. Stay strong brother.
I have been through the same. Alcoholic drug addict. Mess. I lost a very well paid job and got into debt. My saviour has been martial arts and training to exhaustion. I've survived 2 suicide attempts. Had crisis teams, counsellors, top psychologists etc. I thought there was no way out. I assure you 100% there is a way. You may not know what it is yet but it will click. I know what you are going through. Its pain. Worse than ANY physical pain. But it can be done. I assure you.
I wish my son was willing to do things to try to help himself like you Noah. He doesn't struggle with alcohol but rather mental illness. I think this would be the best thing for you.
We are here supporting and rooting really much for you, man! You were brave on this video as much as you always been. There is a way out and you’ll find it, brother. I am praying for you.
Big NoKnow ...you are strong and courageous even when you are low. Your honesty is going to be your saving. Rehab is going to be an additional tool. You have many and you’re using them all. If you need another tool ...use it. You have this!
I admire, love and support you man, all the way. I struggle with bad depression and heavy anxiety and I've been feeling really weird lately (can't really explain what's up tho...) What fucks me up is that I'm too sensitive, I feel like I feel everyone's pain constantly, like I carry the weight of the world. And I realized that no one trully feels great, what I mean by that is that when I see someone with mental issues or any other type of issue, then they get better and then they crash again... I feel like it is an ongoing and constant struggle for everyone and I don't want to go through my problems times and tilmes again over and over... Anyways man, keep up your videos as it clearly makes you and your viewers feel better. Love from france
Hey man, I know that you don't know me but I feel like I know and care about you so I just wanted to reach out. Don't ever let go of that hope man. Keeping you in my prayers.
Sending you all the luck/love and prayers in pushing through this difficult time. I've also recently had a big setback into my anxiety and I can really relate to the "disconnect" from your true self. I and my family refer to it as the "other" me. It feels simultaneously new but familiar and can feel like we'll be stuck this way. Just remember, the "true" you is still in there no matter how far away he may feel, even when you feel like you're "resisting" recovery, he's still in there. I KNOW you can do this, even if it doesn't "feel" that way at times the positive you is ready to burst out. Take care and keep pushing on.
I couldn't go without at least trying to type this message to you. For whatever it may mean or not, tonight I'm rewatching some of your old videos particularly ones that brought me hope, comfort and a sense of safety in my darkest hours. I hate to see you suffer and I hate more the fact I can't do much to actively help you with your demons as you have for me. I can only offer my words on your screen though I'd much rather say them to your face as I think it'd hold more meaning but I hope I can at least convey a fraction of my appreciation through this message. I've been following your channel for about three years now and you've never ceased to be a beacon of hope for me as you have countless others. With everything I have believe me when I say I believe in you, I have faith in you and I continue my fight to see you win yours. Much love I hope to see your mind at ease again very soon
Sending positive vibes and well wishes bro!!! Stay strong! You can do this!!! My daughter and I lost her mother last year to alcohol...I wish nothing but the best for you!
I have a lot of respect for everyone here. I have experienced deep, deep suffering. You are fucking warriors. The bravest amongst everyone. Defying the odds, transcending the urges, beating negative loops with strategy and tactical movement. If anyone wants to talk to me look me up on facebook. Aaron Matthew Patterson. No need to explain, just say you seen my comment and I will understand. You will *stand and win* when you realise that nothing in this universe can stop you when you *choose* to fight with every fiber that is in your body, every breath in your lungs and every thought in your mind. You cannot lose when you know who you are. Do not dare entertain the idea that you are weak. You are strong and you shall win
Your first problem is calling alcoholism a disease, a disease is something like brain cancer, cystic fibrosis multiple sclerosis Etc , drinking alcohol is your weak choice of pouring a substance down your throat! IT'S YOUR CHOICE!
I feel you. I’m impressed and I think it’s admirable that you are honest or able to be honest with your partner. As you know dishonesty is a total relationship killer
I hope you are alright since we haven't heard from you. Please know we will always be here for you, no matter what. You have my prayers and support every day. Take care always. You are very brave.
My cousin is 10 months in on his rehab program. I picked him up last weekend for his first out, and he seems to be in a much better place. That being said, his alcoholism got to the point where he was literally homeless, and he ended up getting a violent felony, so his road back to being in a position where he can take care of himself is much steeper. I hope you seriously consider inpatient rehab and embrace it as an opportunity, knowing how much worse things can get.
And feel free to send me a message if you want more info regarding his rehab program. It’s nationwide, but relatively unknown. It’s Christian based and is free.
I support you and I want you to get better. You are an amazing person. Your videos helped me so much 2 years ago when I attempted suicide. Hang in there. Do whatever it takes. Keep fighting. We love you.
Good luck, man. I'll be thinking about you. I've stayed with you for this long, I hope you stay with me/us for a long time to come. We support you and love you, Noah. Sending you all the love!
Noah, we are fighting the same battles. I wish you the best and I hope you go soon. I was on the list for a bed in a six week rehab and when they finally called me I got scared and backed out. Don’t make my mistake, I regret it. Much love from Atlanta. ❤️ hold on tight Noah.
I’m currently in IOP. Shit’s hard. Really hard. Dude, i’m so impressed with you being honest with thousands of people on the internet. I get frustrated with the comments saying you NEED to do this or that and those being judgmental or negative even if they don’t mean to.
Noah, I've been thinking about you. I pray you are doing better! You've been SUCH an inspiration to me and so many others! I admire your complete honesty with us. Even when you're trying to help us, You show us your humanity. This is what helps us too, seeing you go through hard times too. We don't feel alone... I overcame drug addiction months ago. I was on pills for 8 years. I'm finally free and YOU WILL BE AGAIN SOON! You've done this before! Keep your faith and that chin up! We will be here! Oh and you have an AMAZING wife! God Bless! 🙏❤
I've somewhat been in your wife's shoes. She will heal and carry a lot of unconditional love for you whether you're physically present or not. Keep fighting for her and all the good things in life by fighting for recovery. 🙌
Oh Noah, so much love for you is gathered around you. Am so grateful that you kept your wife close as you can and in the loop. People who have adult ADHD self medicate, often not realizing they have ADD or ADHD. I think your being very grown up about this and realistic. As many healthy skills that you can accumulate will always benefit you and yours. So rehab, I think is a positive.
Hey man i am praying for you!! I have been following you for the longest time. I have the same story, minus the drinking, but I have other addictions that I battle with daily. Please get help. You still have a lot of life to live, and God has blessed you. You are so much better than this. There is so much more to life thank our addictions.
Good luck, Noah. Addiction is a relationship killer. I really hope you and your wife stick together. I had an addiction when with my ex but I never admitted to it. It destroyed our relationship in the end and I am left feeling sad, alone and foolish. I am hoping for the very best for you.
Hi Noah, thank you for being so transparent. I can relate to your transparencies. I stand in faith and in agreement with you and your wife for better days. I am praying for you with all due respect and sincerity.
Digging you’re transparency and your strait forwardness. You’ll get through this. Just put the same effort into this that you did with working out, and you’ll do great!
I may not comment much but I've been following you for awhile. You got this Noah. I'm sending positive vibes and strength to you. I recently lost my brother to alcohol a few months ago. You still have a chance to make this right. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Im fighting the fight with you. Im almost 6 days sober. Again. Last relapse I drank 80+ beers in 48 hours. I damn near killed myself. I told my sponsor the day after, that AA wasnt working and i needed to try something different. I called an old friend who is the music director of his church. We prayed together over the phone and I felt like it saved my soul. I felt the spirit. I took my family to church today for the first time ever and was filled with the holy spirit. Ive gotten down on my knees and prayed like ive never prayed before. I know AA says you need to meditate and pray, but until I had this spiritual awakening all i was doing was rehearsing the big book. AA teaches you that you will be an alcoholic for the rest of your life but i don’t believe that. The success rate of AA is not great. Going to church this morning with my family gave me more relief than app of the aa meetings i went to combined. Stop talking about your alcoholism so much and give your wife time to trust you again. This addiction if left untreated does not get better. You will die a painful drunk death if you cant do it my brother. I made the decision 6 days ago that i refuse to throw in the towel. Till my last day i will remain sober. You cant keep telling yourself you can control it. You mist be done for life. Love ya dude not trying to come off as a dick but you gotta get right brother. You have more work to so here on earth
Noah Perhaps a 12 step program is not for you. As a fellow sufferer with this disease with problematic relapses you are so much more to you than this insidious disease. My current problem is I am currently suffering from a terrible depression (taking medication that does not seem to be working) You seem to have a good deal of self determination and personal power which I sorely lack at this time You have been a source of comfort and inspiration to me and many others Keep fighting the good fight my friend
Not only do I want to give you a big hug but also your wife for continuing to love you and staying by your side! What an incredible woman! I too am blessed with a spouse that stayed with me during my hard times. 2 days away from my 2 month chip! Longest I've ever been sober since I started drinking. Been watching you for years. You're like a best friend I never met and we are here for you Noah 🙏🙌💜
I feel you, omg I am crying. I am fighting so hard , Surrender has been my god, I am willing. I have some clean time, more this year than ever before. Yes, The fight is still on, I also fucking hate treatment. You loose everything you put before recovery. I relapsed recently and it is sooooo painful to get it back. You are really not alone
