Relationship Power Imbalances: Attraction to the Emotionally Unavailable 

This video explained the dynamics of all my toxic relationships in a way I'd never been able to articulate before. Amazingly helpful, thank you!

Thank you for the most accurate detailed explanations I’ve heard. It’s wonderful. I’m sorry if you , too, may have experienced narcissists in your life. If you have, it gave you the ability to help others that truly listen to you. Not all mental health workers know the narcissist in detail enough to help the narcissistically abused. You have a wonderful gift and education.

The incessant splitting and the resulting changing of the power dynamics was exhausting.

I do not want a relationship that one is off balance.painful crap. A really good guy doesn’t do this power play. I had a good guy in my late teens. I hope I find that again. I’m sure these guys exist. Interviewing a guy about where he is in life and what he looking to do in his future will tell you a lot.

Thank you!!! I was wondering why I always got into relationships with power struggles. It absolutly make sense now... you described it exactly how it is. It is horrible painful to be on the receiving end with somebody emotionally unavailable... never again.

The power of least interest. Thanks for sharing these - thanks for articulating these so well.

Very, very , very well said. Very accurate. Exactly how it unfolded.

Dr Tara, I'm simply amazed at the accuracy of your videos. By far, the best source on RU-vid for toxic relationships. You are helping me more than you know in identifying the underlying, unresoved issues that gave birth to my codependancy. Thank you.

Dr. Palmatier, I finally finished "Say good bye to Crazy". Your book is a Must Read for everyone affected by Cluster B, well structured and easily comprehensible. Esp. chapters 21-35 gave me a whole new look upon the errors I've made when dealing with Crazy, which thanks to you and Mr. Elam, I'm now able to avoid.

I'm not sure how I can tell if I was being the demander or if I was simply getting healthier and started asserting my boundaries and what I wasn't willing to put up with.

So informative thank you so so much. Loving myself is what I need to address firstly

Been there. Very familiar. My pain threshold is very short these days. Your notes are perfect, Doc. A comforting thought, which I go to often, is that I know it wasn't my fault, and I'm a good guy interested in a respectful involvement. In other words, "I win!" Heh.

It was amazing to me when I finally understood that I was living my whole life ruled by shame. Ughhh horrible

Such a great message. Knocked it out of park. 5:27 .... wow. Yes

Thank You. You are doing what you were intended to. Please continue posting!

I see I've got some work to do. Thank you so much for this video.

A full year of hypnotherapy to heal all this garbage. Some red pill. Never again.

I was a codependent, trying to fully heal and your videos are helping greatly Dr. Tara.

Dr T, thank you for helping me understand me

This changed my relationship and life and finally put sense to all my thought. Thank you so much for this amazing work

Can power also be sex and intimacy? My partner 'deploys' sex when he wants, how he wants. It's always about him.

Situational inconveniences will not be tolerated on the Cluster B playground.

Excellent video and information! Thank you very much!

I cannot be "lady domina" n codependent at the same time. I believe in the reciprocity between spouses.

There was a female narcissist single mother of two in my class who love-bombed and was trying to coerce me to marry her. When she tried to triangulate me with her ex boyfriend, I declined, she called me instead a manipulator and went into narcissist rage. I blocked her number and refused to anymore talk to her.

Great work Tara...

That was exactly what it was. #2 Distance/pursuer. Tho I backed off many times and left once and didn’t just keep pursuing. And when I had one foot out, or left him, here he comes again, showing effort. So I’m guessing that this is one type of disordered power struggle on steroids as well? I’ve heard the same-that the person who cares the least has all the power in a relationship-from some coaches-I just wonder tho, so a healthy person would not try to keep all the power? I mean they make it sound like it’s just normal human nature to pretty much despise or take someone for granted who seems to care more than the other. And hearing that kind of makes me feel like I’d want to just stay single forever and forget the whole thing. I really hope there’s better people on this planet tho. Seems like if I sensed that in the person I was seeing and they liked me more, I’d prob just let them off the hook as gently as possible and end it. But seems like a lot of people prefer to string others along rather selfishly imo. But of course, a disordered person has done something like this quite intentionally tho for the precise reason to simply hold all the power. Just wondering if I’ve got a good grasp on this or if I’m not seeing this correctly.

This Ginger is 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 awesome

Great explanations. THANK YOU!

This is fantastic work. Thank you so much. Much love from the UK ❤️

Freaking accurate! Nice!

Awesome video

I know Adler always said that all relationships are always power struggles....narcissistic relationships I think may be the evolution of S and M outcomes

Thank you Tara.❤️

Thank you! This video is very organized and helpful.

All women are attracted to men who don't care at all. It is the not caring that attracts women the most.

My parent people in a nutshell. Losers. Great Show.

Really excellent, learning so much 🙏🏾

Excellent video.

These glasses look great on you.

Brilliant!!!

Dr. T. A W E S O M E!!!! V I D E O!!

His love bombing was not much~ it didn't take much to reel me in because I was desperate for attention, thanks mom & dad! 😢

I really needed this video

The sense of humor! Wow :)

»From where do we know each other from?«, the devil ask‘s the dark woman, whose name is called love. »I don’t know! Maybe from your spirit which longs for me«, the love replys mysteriously, whithout answering his question. » But tell me! Are you longing for me? « »For the love in you?«, saith the devil earnestly. »For the feeling, that shows me the way to the wallhallas of gods to the pantheon of gods? « »So tell me, who am I to you?«, it tingles out of her mouth . »Ha! You are mirrored in me - I see the reflection of my yearning in the image of love in you«, the devil says and kneels down. »Then I give you the certainty, that you can leave me«, she says calmly. »Will you gonna hold me?«, he asks. »I will reject you«, she says and looks down at him whith a smirk. »And who will I become, when I fall?«, it klings whisperingly from his mouth. »You will become to the portrayal of my yearning and to the adversary, in whom I can sense myself and see my own reflection«, she says and looks directly into the devils heart. »What will happen then?«, he whispers bearly distinctly. »You will loose the love in yourself«, her voice resonates from far away. »Will you be with me in this moment? «, sounds his last breath of air, that deflagrates in the room. »I will for ever be with you - as long as you’re longing for me«, the love responses. »Then I will serve the people with the picture of love, to let them dance around their projections of their mirror images«, klings his last life-breath of love out of the devils heart. Suddenly in an act of self awareness their mirrorframe was dashed to shivers, and in their splinters of love they discover the truth; Everything in life they where dancing around, were always only themselves ….! Sorry, I'm sure this text must contain severel spelling mistakes. English is not my native language, but I hope it is understandable, and maybe some of you may like this lyric nevertheless.

This excellent.

Brilliant

Thank you so much.

Excellent 👏.

Thank you

Out of curiosity, why do you help only men? Many women are in involved with narcissists and Borderlines as well and they, too, need help. Your videos seem to apply to both sexes. It’s good info though and I hope all healthy people escape Dysfunction.

Thanks Dr I needed this

Exactly !

Bright !

Yup, she was always like this is getting old, because I wouldn't pay attention to her 24-7 and she made me feel like a child. Eventually she Left, Left me baffled because did not see it comming. Went from heaven to hell in 24 hour's. They are easily influenced..

So what can I do to fix the Shame Fear dynamic?

🤩